And Then There's You
by StewLuv
Summary: A misunderstanding makes the Cullens plan a cruel prank on unpopular Isabella Swan for vengeance. But as Edward takes on the challenge of seducing Bella he quickly discovers her dark world at home. Edward must now save the girl he was supposed to break.
1. A Misunderstanding

_Ch 1/Bella/A Misunderstanding_

Mr. Banner ended his discussion on the human anatomy at the bell ring. Everyone rushed out of class, but I stayed behind as my back pack got stuck under my desk. It's obvious that this would happen to me. It has to happen to me.

I mumbled as I struggled to get the back pack strap unstuck when I felt the desk move. I whipped my head up to see Mr. Banner holding the desk up so I could get my damn bag. I shyly smiled at him and grabbed my stupid orange back pack, then thanked him and left the class room.

It had not been a good week at school or at home. I failed two exams and my "average" grades were now poor. I mean, I looked like a nerd but didn't even have the grades to make me feel better. My parents argued all week. They were giving each other the silent treatment today, which they do at least twice a month. But I don't wallow. Instead of feeling like a poor child with parents that hate each other, I just ignore them and roll my eyes at their arguing. I don't really give a crap anymore; I just wish they would not yell at each other so I could sleep. And I wish I wasn't so afraid of my father. He had the worst temper in the world. He threatened my mother with his eyes on a daily basis. He has hit her and slapped me twice for defending her. I'd never forget that day. I could still feel the sting on my cheek.

I wish Renee was the loving mother people in these situations usually had in movies. The comforting one that promised to get you out of this mess and promised that we were going to be safe one day. But she wasn't. She just cried all day. She complained that she had aged a hundred years with this life she lived and that she used to be a pageant winner when she was younger. I still remembered how she made me try out for those stupid pageants when I was a little girl. I never won. I had big brown eyes and brown hair and pale skin. I wasn't pretty enough. I didn't have green eyes like she did and I wasn't as tall as she was. She finally gave up on me.

I gave up on me.

I walked down the hall towards my locker. I heard the usual snickering as I passed Tanya's and Rosalie's lockers. They were the typical, teenage movie cliché-a pair of good blond friends who were too beautiful to be real teenagers and who had all the boys in school following them around like dogs in heat. They had been best friends since first grade and then, in middle school, Lauren and Jessica moved to our crappy town and made their group bigger and my world a lot shittier.

"Hey Swan! Looking hot today!" Tanya said and her gang of whore bags giggled. I just walked pass them looking down at my feet, as usual, using my long brown hair as a shield.

"Don't make her blush, Tanya!" I heard Rosalie say and they all laughed again.

"Yeah we can't have the Virgin Mary actually think she's hot! Right _virgin_ Isabella," Jessica said emphasizing the word "virgin." I just bit into my lower lip, angered that I never had a good come back.

Oh, did I forget to mention that I'm the other teenage movie cliché, the nerdy looking brunette with glasses? Yet I wouldn't be good enough to be cast as that as my grades suck and I don't have the popular guy secretly dreaming about me. No, that's not my luck. And I don't cry about it, feel sad, nor am I suicidal, and I don't dress all in black and give Tanya Denali and her gang of whore bags the finger or poison their lunch. I just take it and hope for high school to be over as soon as possible.

I put my books in my locker after avoiding eye contact with anybody and go to the cafeteria. It's the worst part of my day besides gym, damn lunch. Why do I hate it? I have no where to go.

Forks, my shitty town, has grown in population in the past years and with that, it means more high school students. They still haven't expanded the school and so I never get the luxury of sitting alone. I always end up sitting with the band geeks or choir douche bags that are still cooler than me. I sit at the end of the table and they never acknowledge I'm there and that's fine with me. I don't need them to talk to me.

I take a look at the large table where the band geeks usually sit. They are less douchier than the choir folk. The table is empty and I sigh in relief. The lunch room is so full sometimes I can't even sit with them, so that's when I grab a sandwich from the lunch line and eat outside behind the school, hiding from teachers with their absurd rules that I can't "hang out" outside during lunch. I don't see them sitting in the lunch room with the rest of the animals…those bastards.

I grabbed some food and sat by myself at the large table. I celebrated internally remembering that the band geeks had some concert they had to miss school for, which meant they wouldn't be here today. I always tried to make sure I was early to lunch so I could find a place to sit, as nobody would sit with me, which was fine.

Tanya and Rosalie and the other two gang members walked in after a large crowd and grabbed water bottles. Sometimes in a blue moon, they would get a salad. They really weren't in gang, but they could've been, those evil wenches.

Emmett Cullen, the football star, walked in and sat next to Rosalie and they giggled and started making out. He was the only one besides Tanya that made Rosalie laugh and even smile. She was such a horrible human being, but Emmett was nice…I guess, but not to me. Then after them, Alice Cullen, Emmett's little sister and a junior, walked in with her hand in Jasper Hale's hand and sat at the table by Emmett and the gang of whore bags. Jasper was Rosalie's twin brother. He was blonde and had blue eyes just like her, but he was nicer than her-well, not to me, but to others around him. He was also very silent, almost scary silent. He never said anything in the one class I had with him.

Alice, well, she had never harmed me or called me names and also she was so different from the rest of them, but she sat by Tanya and was friends with Rosalie, because of Jasper, which was all enough for me to stay away from her pixie self.

Everyday, this was the routine in the lunch room.

Then there was _him._

God, I couldn't even say his name in my head without blushing and feeling anger at him at the same time.

Edward Cullen…there I said it.

He was Emmett and Alice's brother. They were all foster children so that explained the closeness in age. How a group of foster kids became the popular kids, I didn't know-that doesn't happen in cliché teen movies. They were usually the emo kids with no friends. I should be the foster child in this school.

I felt like one.

Edward was the most beautiful creature in the world. He walked into the cafeteria looking at nobody and with a face that would suggest that he was in a bad mood. That's why I never crossed his path or looked him in the eyes. I would just stare at him when I was certain he couldn't see me doing it. Not that Edward Cullen ever noticed me, because he surely didn't, but after the one time my clumsy self accidently bumped into him in the hallway, I learned to keep it that way.

_"Are you fucking blind? Of course you are, but, shit, learn how to fucking walk at least and use those goddamn glasses, nerd!_

Ah, yes, I still remembered his sweet words and his angry, bright green eyes staring down at me as I picked my books off the floor. He didn't help me pick the books up and just walked away. Edward was a jerk and a man whore, but I still loved to stare at him.

I used him as my muse for my drawings. Oh yes, I did draw. Another stupid teenage cliché, but I loved to draw. It's the only goddamn thing I was good at. Anyway, though I could not draw the perfection of Edward's face, I tried and then I'd find my pathetic self running my fingers over his penciled lips. I rolled my eyes at myself. I couldn't be blamed it would be the only way I'd ever get to do that. I'd never had a boyfriend and my plain self wouldn't appeal to Edward. He and his friends would probably laugh at me…well they already did, but I wouldn't stand them making fun of my adoration for Edward's beauty.

Not that.

I didn't know Edward personally and all I knew was that he had stolen my homework before, made jokes about me, but most of the time didn't know I existed. And that's the way it's going to stay. It should stay that way.

Edward walked passed me, not looking my way, leaving his cologne's scent behind. My God, he even smelled good. He wore a tight dark blue long-sleeved shirt and a pair of loose jeans. His hair was bronze and a beautiful mess. He sat by Jasper and Alice, slapping Jasper on the back and then went back to staring at the floor. I wondered what he thought about that made him look so pissed.

Tanya walked to Edward and wrapped her arms around his neck from behind him and he gave her a fake smile. I stared at Edward so much I knew when he was faking a smile…yeah I knew, pathetic. I looked away; this was not the Edward I imagined when I drew. The Edward I drew didn't have beautiful Tanya Denali hanging around his neck and didn't look so pissed all the time.

I looked down at my bowl of vegetable soup, moved around some of the carrots and, after a few minutes, the cafeteria was full. Some people sat on my table, at the other end, so that's when I decided it was time to go. I didn't finish my soup, but I wasn't hungry anyway. The Cullens and The Whore Gang left, walking outside and giggling with each other. Edward lingered behind, still looking slightly pissed and staring at his feet as he walked. He was still adorable, but that look could get so annoying sometimes. He needed to cheer up. I didn't have any friends in school and I didn't look pissed at the world. He needed to grow up.

I threw my trash away and walked out to the hall when I bumped into Mrs. Walton, the assistant principal.

"Good afternoon Ms. Swan, had a good lunch?" she asked and I nodded. What the hell did she want? "I've been informed of something that you might help explaining."

_Oh crap, what I do?_

"I'm aware that your only 'A' is in art…is that right?"

"Um…I guess…" _Yes, lady, so what? I don't care and neither should you._

"Hmm, I'm also aware that sometimes you sneak out of class and outside to the back building."

_Oh. My. Shit_

"I um…uh…I…," I mumbled. I wished I had more courage to tell her to back off or better yet to fuck off.

"It's okay, Isabella, we only have proof of one absence so we can't punish you for something we don't have proof of. You're a good kid who never gets in trouble. Your grades could be better, but you don't give us hell. But there is one thing I and the janitors would like you to help with. You see, there is a rather beautiful drawing on the side of the school that would look even better off the school wall."

_Yep, that's me._

"It was drawn with a Sharpie marker and has a small 'B' on the side…I'm also aware you go by _B_ella," she said emphasizing the "B". She stayed silent and I cursed myself for being an idiot.

How was I supposed to know the damn assistant principal was a damn spy and investigator? She was seriously in the wrong profession. I could've denied it, but I was a horrible liar and I already looked guilty as hell.

"Follow me Ms. Swan, I will show you where it is and what you can do to clean it." I followed her with my head down and every time her heels would hit the ground I felt the anger boil even more. I was angry at her but mostly at myself. I sighed loudly on accident and she turned back at me, but only smiled and continued walking. _Witch._

She pushed the heavy school doors open that led to the back of the school and, as we stepped outside, we both inhaled the horrible smell. We both knew what the smell was and she looked down at me and shook her head, but didn't say anything and continued walking. I didn't know if she still wanted me to follow her, but I did anyway. She was obviously looking for the source of the smell as we weren't headed to my "work of art" on the wall. We passed it. She walked a few more feet when we both heard giggling. She walked behind some large bushes and trees and the giggling ceased. I couldn't hear much and I didn't know who just got caught smoking weed. I felt sort of bad for the fools, but then as they walked out following Mrs. Walton, I ceased my pity.

Rosalie, Tanya, Emmett, Jasper minus Alice, and…Edward, with a worse look on his face than usual, walked out. They all looked like they were in deep shit and they probably were. As they walked out with their heads down, Mrs. Walton looked at me.

"Ms. Swan, thank you, but maybe another day. Go back to class for now," she said and everyone looked at me. All of their mouths fell open and they glared at me. The realization hit me hard as Tanya flipped me off and as Emmett shook his head at me. My heart raced and I swallowed hard. I wanted to say something in my defense, but nothing came out.

_Oh no…they think…they….think I got them caught._

"You little bitch…," Rosalie growled lowly as they passed me. Tanya bumped into me hard causing some pain in my shoulder and for me to take a step back from the impact; she was much taller and wider than me. Edward looked down at me angry as hell, but didn't say anything. His nostrils flared and I had to look down at my feet probably looking guilty, but I just had to get away from his stare. They all dispersed into the school leaving me outside.

Oh shit, I just got the most popular group in school after me. Just when I thought my life couldn't get any more torturing, this happened to me? I hope they don't think I did this. I hope…

_Rosalie already called you a bitch and you are the chief of police's daughter._

Damn…I started shaking. I don't know why I remembered my father and what angry people could do to you when they were pissed.

I had no idea what was coming for me. That's the worst part.

Not knowing.


	2. The Plan

**Thank you to…**

**Beta One: Karie/SweetVenom69**

**Beta Two: Multicolouredeyes**

Ch 2/Edward/The Plan

I hated school.

I hated wasting my day. I have good grades, but what the hell for? I don't plan to do anything with my life, so what's the fucking point? The only point of school for me is to get laid. But even that didn't lighten my mood. I have been in a depressed as of late, and I fucking hate it, because I don't know what the fuck I'm so sad or pissed about.

I dread getting up in the morning,facing my little happy family, driving to fucking school and dealing with morons like Mike Newton. He desperately wants to be my friend, and then I get Tanya hanging on my neck every chance she gets.

Don't get me wrong, I fucking love having a hot piece of ass after me especially who lets me grab that piece of ass, but _holy shit_. I need my space. I've always been a fucking loner and paranoid about my space. I start hyperventilating in crowds and hate, fucking hate…hate…hate it when Tanya comes and sits in my lap without my permission or starts hanging on my neck. She has shit for brains, so it doesn't get any better. All she knows is how to suck dick.

I spend most of my days locked in my room, and my family knows not to disturb me when I'm in my "chamber" they stay the fuck out. I didn't realize I spent so much time alone and how I kept myself so locked away until my foster mother-well my real mother as far as I'm concerned, Esme cried once, telling me that she sometimes felt like she didn't even know me. If she only knew, I didn't know myself.

Carlisle, my foster father, nags that I should be part of the family and act like a brother, son or some bullshit like that. I just want everyone to leave me the fuck alone!

History class was over and that meant lunch. I fucking hate lunch. I mean, yeah, I love to fucking eat, but god I hate sitting in that damn room full of people. I get nervous and twitchy. People love me, no doubt, but they can't understand that I don't love them. I have been feeling as if I'm such a fucking loser lately, like I've haven't accomplished anything. Nothing is satisfying, not even a damn "A" or Tanya's mouth around my dick…okay maybe I still like the last part, but even then I feel like such a depressed maniac afterward. I'm such a fucking downer, so fucking emo lately.

I walked into the lunch room, avoiding eye contact with anybody that was near, and sat with Jasper and Alice.

Jasper has been my best friend since middle school, and it seems right that he is with my favorite sister, Alice. Though I would never admit out loud that I fucking love that little pixie. When we were eight, Carlisle and Esme took us into their home. Alice's story is much more horrific than mine, but we still share the experiences that led us to be foster children. Our stories are alike and we understand each other. Alice, Carlisle and Esme are the only ones that know my story. Like I said, I just don't like sharing my shit with anybody. Not even Emmett knows, or Jasper. They don't need to know. It's not important for them to know.

I'm not important.

I looked down at the table, ignoring the conversation that was being held by Emmett, Jasper and Rosalie. Alice tapped my shoulder and with her eyes asked if I was okay. I just shook my head and continued looking down until I felt Tanya's arms around me.

Motherfucking shit.

I held in my bad temper and gave her a fake smile.

_If I hope to fuck her anytime soon, I better act nice, even though I suddenly have the urge to push her off and leave. _

She walked over to Rosalie's side and sat down and everyone continued with their conversations. I was falling asleep when Emmett jolted up as if he had a bright idea.

"Um, so," he said, smiling, and I knew what that smile of his meant. He was up to something. "I got some shit and…" he drummed the table with his fingers waiting for us to get his statement.

"Dude, why are we still sitting here?" Jasper asked, and Alice slapped his arm.

"Let's go outside to the back building. Nobody ever goes to the back," I said, and Alice gave me a disappointed look. I just shrugged at her while smiling.

Rosalie and Tanya agreed to go with us boys, probably thinking it was going to get them some points with us, but Jessica and Lauren backed out, saying that they had some shit to do. _Pussies_. Alice said she was going to the library. I was happy she wasn't coming; my sister is better than this shit. She got up, kissed Jasper, waved at everyone-because that's Alice- and left.

The little _weed happy_ group got up and went outside, and I trailed out last. I just wanted to smoke some grass, not have "quality time" with my friends. As we made it to the back building, we searched for somewhere to hide from the damn teachers. I walked behind Jasper who had suddenly stopped and pointed at something on the wall. I looked to see what had his attention.

"Dude, this is cool! I wonder who drew this," he said and I nodded my head in agreement. The truth was the damn drawing _was_ cool. It was of a girl with her knees pulled up to her chest, sitting on top of a giant-ass hand. Her face was hidden behind her long hair, and the entire image was wrapped with images of ivy and vines It was drawn with a damn black marker, but it still looked professionally shaded and well thought out. It was signed by "B", and I wondered who this person was. We had a damn artist in school and we don't even fucking know it.

Emmett shook us out of the trance we were in by jumping like a damn kid when he pointed to some shrubs and trees that would over us well.

"Dudes, here!" he yelled, and we all laughed. We rushed behind the trees and bushes, looking back to make sure nobody had seen us. Emmett took the small blunt from his jeans and lit the thing.

"Fuck Emmett, where the fuck did you get this shit? It fucking smells like the cheap shit!" I said, and he laughed.

"No, it doesn't. You're just a fucking pussy." He said and I flipped him off.

"Dude, shut the fuck up and take a hit and pass," Jasper griped at Emmett and he gladly obliged.

"It does smell! Eew!" Tanya said, and I rolled my eyes. Emmett passed the blunt to Jasper, and then Jasper took a hit then passed it to me. I took a deep hit. I had math after this; I needed this shit. I passed it to Tanya, who seemed grossed out, but looked at me and smiled-trying to look sexy-and took a small drag. She started coughing and we all laughed at her, causing her to glare at us. Rosalie then took a hit.

_I swear that chick is scary._

She had no reaction and passed it back to Emmett.

"Babe, that was hot," Emmett said while kissing Rosalie lightly on the lips, and I rolled my eyes.

"Dude, did you leave your dick at home? Pass the damn thing already," I said, and he laughed. It was passed around, reaching Rosalie again. She was about to take another hit when her eyes suddenly jolted up. Her mouth fell open wide to what she saw behind me.

"Well, why am I not surprised…I don't know." Oh shit!

It was Mrs. Walton. I could recognize the devil's voice anywhere. I turned around and she had an amused look on her face. We couldn't deny it. Emmett's stinky shit probably did the damn trick. We all said nothing and just stared down trying to avoid looking at her. "Ms. Hale, could you please put that disgusting thing out and hand it to me?" she said, and I swear I saw Rosalie shake. She had never been in deep shit in her damn life, and now she was. Her rich mommy and daddy would probably have a damn heart attack when they found out that their princess was caught smoking pot.

Rosalie handed the blunt to Mrs. Walton. "Just follow now." She said and we all groaned. We followed Mrs. Walton out of the bushes and trees, ready to face the music.

"Thank you, Ms. Swan, but maybe another day. Go back to class for now." Mrs. Walton said, and Rosalie caught it first.

"You little bitch," Rosalie growled and then it hit me…she-Isabella _fucking_ Swan-fucking told on us. I don't know what the fuck for, maybe she felt she needed to follow in her father's footsteps and be a good cop, but the little fucking nerd told on us. No wonder she has no damn friends.

She stared at us with a dumb look on her face, and Tanya bumped into her hard. Tanya was a fucking bitch, but Isabella fucking deserved it. As I walked pass her, I fucking looked at with her with all the anger and hate I was feeling at the moment. Didn't she know how deep in shit I would be in because of her? She looked down, looking as guilty as fuck.

As Mrs. Walton walked us into the school, I took one last look at Isabella; she was shaking a little with her lip in between her teeth. Fucking freak. We were led into the office, none of us saying shit. What the hell are we going to say?

They called our parents. We weren't allowed to drive our own cars; they were afraid we would crash or some stupid shit like that. We were suspended for a whole week. I threatened to be sent to an alternative school if I didn't get my shit together, as well, because this was the third time I had been caught with something illegal. Though Emmett pleaded with them and blamed himself, the principals weren't having it so Rosalie got suspended for two weeks because she had the shit in her hands The crazy fucks actually believed Rosalie _fucking princess_ Hale was a marijuana vender? I almost laughed in their faces.

The Hales came for Jasper and Rosalie, and I could see the fear in her eyes. It seems the only people capable of causing fear in that bitch are her parents. Tanya's father came and picked her up in his fancy ass car, not saying anything-probably saving it for later. They were too good to show any damn emotions in their fucking rich faces. Esme came for me and Emmett, not once making eye contact or speaking. She was fucking pissed. I could see that she had been crying, as her eyes were puffy and red. I mean its just weed we were caught with, but I had been caught with worse before, so this little plant meant I was still hanging with drugs. I hadn't done anything hard in months, but how could I convince my parents of that now?

I was fucked.

When we got home, Esme let it out. She yelled at us with all her might. Esme never got mad. Esme never yelled. Esme was sweet as pie. But we fucking pissed her off, and somehow, the way she kept looking at me, I knew she was more pissed at me than Emmett. It wasn't my fucking weed, but I didn't say anything. I wasn't going to point fingers at Emmett because I wasn't like that, unlike that Isabella who I was still so pissed at. Carlisle was at the hospital. He was a doctor, so we hardly saw him around during the day when he was doing his shifts. Esme promised me and Emmett that he would have a say in what happened. Knowing Carlisle, he sure as hell will.

"Now, go to your rooms…" Esme said quietly.

"Mom… I just…" I wanted to say something, but she wasn't hearing it. Emmett went to his room and I stayed behind. Big mistake.

"Don't even start, Edward. Look, I know we all have bad days. You have them more than most-I know-and I try to understand you. I try to love you more than I already do, which is impossible, hoping that by showing you my affection you'll realize that life isn't as bad you make it out to be. That you don't have to go ruining your life with that crap…"

"It was just weed, mom, I'm sure you did your share of pot in your teen years," I said, and I felt it before I saw it. Esme slapped the shit out of me. I held my cheek as it stung to my core. Esme had a strong hand.

"Edward, can't you see the damn point? It's not just about the damn weed!" she cried. Her tears fell down her cheeks. "I've never felt so disappointed in anyone in my life! You're so bright and such a good person, but you insist in making everyone else believe the opposite, including yourself just to make everyone stay away. But you have to let someone in some day, or you're going to lose it, son."

"But I am a fucking bad person Mom! The sooner you realize this, the better for you!" I said and held back my tears. I didn't fucking cry. "Why the fuck do you think my own fucking mother didn't want me around? I'm a fucking waste of breath. You've said it yourself. I'm just a disappointment! So quit trying to fucking change me and hoping I turn into a good little boy, 'cus it'll never happen!" I said and stormed to my room.

I slammed the door behind me and fell on my bed. I grabbed my ipod and turned up the rock music. I slammed my head back on the head board, angry as fuck.

_Those brown eyes, Isabella. Those brown eyes of yours. You're gonna pay, I swear!_

Later that day, Emmet came to my door and informed me that Mom had left and Alice was home. We all sat in the living room while Alice changed the TV channels. None of us spoke, as we weren't in the mood. A few minutes later, we heard the door bell. Emmett went to answer it and we were all shocked when it was Jasper and Rosalie coming into the living room.

"Our parents had to leave on business," Jasper said and sat by Alice on our couch, wrapping his arm around her. Alice kissed his cheek and directed her attention to the TV and left it on the HBO channel.

"I love this movie," she said quietly, and I smiled lightly. We all had our asses chewed out, but Alice still found enjoyment in movies in a time like this.

"Oh, Alice," Rosalie said and we all chuckled. "Way to break the ice, friend." She continued and sat by Emmett who wrapped his arm around her.

"Well, someone had to say something," Alice said, and Jasper kissed her head.

"So what happened with your folks, what did they say?" Emmett asked, and Rosalie shook her head.

"We are both grounded."

"Aren't you too old for that?" I chuckled and Rosalie glared at me.

"What she means is that we don't have access our parent's plastic card for one whole month!" Jasper said with a smile.

"But that's not the worst part!" Rosalie continued. "They are going to drive us to school now! They threaten to not pay for my college! They searched my room, hoping to find more of that shit! Can you believe my parents actually think I would have more of that shit?" Rosalie cried and ran her hands through her blonde hair. Emmett hugged her closer.

"I'm sorry, babe, I feel like this is my fault," Emmett said, and I rolled my eyes. He was fucking whipped.

"No, babe ,it wasn't your fault. I mean we have smoked pot before and never got caught. It was that bitch's fault!" Rosalie yelled, and we all knew who she was talking about, except Alice.

"Who is the bitch?" Alice said, directing her attention to us.

"Isabella fucking Swan, that's the bitch. She was standing out there-looking guilty as fuck. Ugh, I hate her. I think she told on us because we teased her about her virginity in the morning!" Rosalie said. We all chuckled, but Alice slapped Jasper's arm.

"Well, I don't talk to Isabella, but I don't think she would tell on you. I mean you have teased her since elementary, why would she snitch on you now?" Alice asked.

"Alice, she was out there when we got caught! What else do you need to believe that she is a bitch?" I asked, and she shook her head.

"I just don't think she is. She is a loner and getting our entire group against her doesn't sound like a good idea."

"Well, yeah, but she might also be a moron!" I said.

There was an awkward silence for a moment. Alice directed her attention back to the movie-which I realized was _Cruel Intentions _with that douche bag Ryan Philippe and Reese Witherspoon. Of course, a fucking chick flick. I rolled my eyes at my sister.

"We have to get back at her," Rosalie said, breaking the silence.

"I agree," Jasper said, and Alice looked at him in shock. "What, babe? I lost my car privileges!" he said, and I chuckled.

"But how?" I asked, and Emmett nodded.

"Yeah, how? Should we put weed in her locker?" he said, and I was about to agree when Rosalie shook her head.

"No! Something worse. Something painful." she said.

She was an evil bitch.

"Rosalie! You aren't going to hurt her, are you?" Alice asked.

_Oh, sweet Alice._

"Not physically, Alice!" Rosalie said annoyed. "That little bitch is shy as hell-weak and a loner-and seems like anything would break her," she said and then went silent, deep in thought. I looked towards the TV.

Thanks to Alice, I had seen this damn movie too many times to count. Ryan's character kissed Reese's character, trying to seduce her, and I rolled my eyes again. What a fucking cheese fest. "I've fucking got it!" We all whipped our heads towards Rosalie. "It's genius!"

"What have you planned, Rosalie?" Alice asked. She seemed almost afraid of the answer.

"Well it involves you, Edward!" Rosalie said looking at me, and I looked back at her confused.

"Why me?" I asked, and she smiled.

"Because you're the only one that is single, and I'm not a lesbian and I doubt Alice is."

"What the fuck are you talking about? What the hell is your plan?" I said annoyed already.

"You all are watching it!" she said looking towards the TV. We all directed our attention to the TV. I was still confused, but Alice seemed to realize it right away as she sadly shook her head.

"Being the chief of police's only daughter must mean your sex life is 'non existent', and I swear she has never had a boyfriend. Who'd want to anyway, right?" she said, and I began to get it. "What happens if you believe in fairy tales and love?" she said giggling. "What if we make a fairy tale for our dear Isabella and then break her little black heart?"

"Oh, no, Rosalie," Alice said, but she was ignored by Rosalie.

"That's where you come in, Edward. You make Isabella fall for you, pop her cherry or deflower her-whatever the fuck you want to call it-and then break her heart; just like in _Cruel Intentions_!" Rosalie said, Emmett's eye widened and Jasper choked on his soda.

"What? That just…wow," I said not really knowing if she was for real.

"That's fucked up," Jasper said, and Alice nodded sadly.

"It is!" Alice said.

"But I'm for it!" Jasper said, and Alice gasped. "Babe, come on…" Jasper said sheepishly.

"Ha…that is _brill_. Come on, Edward, you have to, man. Have you not seen the way she stares at you?" Emmett said.

"No she doesn't!" I laughed.

"Yes, she does Edward. She is just stupid and thinks we don't notice, but we notice alright," Rosalie said.

"I don't know, man. I'm not much of a romantic. How am I going to convince her to sleep with me?" I asked.

"Make her fall in love with you. Dumb, innocent little girls like Isabella probably believe in that romantic and kiddy love shit. It'll a piece of cake," Jasper said, and Alice stayed silent.

"Yeah, just fill her head with bullshit. Tell her she is your world blah blah blah, you know. Then after you pop her cherry, you'll tell her the truth, breaking her little heart," Rosalie said, and even I thought it was a bit much.

"Dude, are you going to forget the look on mom's face?" Emmett said.

"Fine…I'll do it," I said, Alice gasped and everyone else cheered. "What, Alice? It's a dirty job, but someone has to do it," I said and gave her a crooked smile.

"But there has to be a deadline. It might not be easy to do it right away, but you can't take your damn time, Edward. I give you until prom to do it!" Rosalie said, and I huffed.

"I bet you all $100 bucks each that it will be before prom," I said, and Emmett laughed.

"Deal!" he said, and Jasper agreed.

"You either have to do it before or at prom."

"But how are we gonna know if he did it?" Jasper asked.

_True, how were they gonna know?_

"Alice, you might help to!" Rosalie said, and we both looked at her confused.

"Hey, I'm not that much into the kinky shit. I'm not gonna let anybody record me! Especially my sister!" I said, angered.

"No, you idiot." Rosalie said before directing her attention back to Alice. "You're probably the only one out of all of us that has never teased her, you just happen to be Edward's favorite sister and you seem to like her since you defend her so much. You have picked her over us!" Rosalie said, and Alice looked insulted.

"No, I haven't!"

"Then prove it. Become Isabella's best friend. I'm sure she'll tell you everything that goes on with Edward and her," Rosalie said.

_Again, what an evil bitch._

"I don't…think…I don't…." Alice looked hurt. I felt bad for Alice, but then again, I really wanted to get back at Isabella. "I don't know," Alice stood up and left the room, ignoring Jasper and the rest of us.

"Let's give her some time. I'm sure she'll come around. But Edward, you can get started whenever you want. You have until prom, don't forget," Rosalie said, and I smiled at her.

"Don't worry, Rose, I need the extra cash anyway. Poor Isabella. I already feel bad for her," I said sarcastically, placing a hand over my chest and everyone laughed.

Poor Isabella.


	3. The Letter

_Ch3/Bella/The Letter_

I drove back home in silence. I hated not knowing what was going to happen, yet I avoided stopping by my locker just in case Jessica and Lauren got the news from Tanya and decided to find me. I wasn't afraid of them, but I was I afraid of what they might do. I had seen what happened to others they didn't like. I didn't have it as bad as those fools did when it came to the Whore Bag Gang, but they were all in my gym class. That would give me a good reason to skip gym…right?

And then there was the Cullen situation.

I had to hide from them as well, and there was one Cullen in practically every one of my classes. I had Emmett in History, Alice in math and art, and Edward in last period English. They probably had never noticed I was there, but now they would be on the lookout for me. I couldn't possibly skip every class. I got nauseas. I felt a lump in my throat, and I held back tears at the thought. Then a sort of bitter anger took over. I avoided people just so they would leave me alone and not kick my ass or tease more than usual. Now I'm in so much crap and it's not even fair! I slapped my dashboard and huffed. People, well if you can call teenagers people, love to pick on the weak. And unfortunately for me, I just happen to be the weak one. I wish I was stronger and braver. But I'm not. I'm not the sassy girl, and I don't have a secret power that would make my enemies stay away. I'm just the easy target. I have been since elementary school. Shit_…_ I would kick my own ass.

I didn't dare play music in my _crappy_ truck. It would make my nerves worse, and I was already jumpy. I started thinking about the possibility of skipping school tomorrow. It all depended on what shift my father worked this week and if my truck had enough gas and engine power to drive somewhere else. As I pulled up to my house I quickly dropped any ideas of skipping. My heart started to race and the sudden chest-crushing feeling returned at the sight of my father's police car.

_He_ was home.

I parked in my usual spot and took a deep breath. I stared at my house's door and even shook a little. I hesitantly opened my driver-side door and stepped out of my truck. I landed in mud and I squealed. Of course there was mud; it rains all day every day here. I closed the door behind me and slowly walked to the house in my heavy muddy boots. I wiped them on the special mat my father bought. I wiped with fury and determination. The last time I walked into the house with a pair of muddy boots on he was so pissed he almost threw one at my face when he found it. Well, he did, but I got out of the way and it hit the wall instead.

I couldn't believe how my hands shook as I opened the door to my _own _house. As I walked inside, the scent of fried chicken hit my face and my stomach growled in agreement. The house was silent, except for the sounds of popping grease and the roar of the crowd from a baseball game on the TV. I slowly walked past the living room, spotting my father sitting in his usual chair with his boots off, a can of beer in one hand and his head thrown back into the couch. He was asleep with his mouth wide open (the snoring noises were proof), but even in his sleep he was dangerous.

One time, when I was 13, Mom told me to turn the TV off since he had fallen asleep. She still apologizes to this day, five years later, but it wasn't her fault. When I turned off the TV, it woke him up. How, I don't know. He threw a full beer bottle at me. It made me cry. I didn't cry because it hurt, the bottle didn't break or anything, and he didn't throw it hard. I never cry because of physical pain anyway. I didn't cry because the drink ruined my favorite blouse either. I cried because it was just so damn humiliating. I was so angry, just like I am today. I was angry at myself for not having balls and for letting him treat me like that. He made me clean up the damn drink from hell afterwards, too.

I felt my glasses slipping off my nose. I pushed them back up with my finger and walked into the kitchen, where I found my mother making a salad. Father likes a salad with his chicken.

"Bella!" She said with a smile. She's in a good mood today. I love it when my mom is in a good mood; it means I'm not going to be quite so lonely today, she's going to be my friend… at least for today.

"Hey Mom" I said sitting beside her. "Is there anything I can help you with?"

"No, I'm already done. But…" she said. Then she paused and looked over to the living room, making sure Father was still there.

"I have a surprise for you," she whispered. This time _I_ looked over to the living room to make sure Father was still there.

"Really?" I said in an excited whisper after I looked back at her.

"Yep, but I'll give it to you after dinner, when Charles goes and takes a shower," she whispered. Her giant smile was so contagious that I couldn't help but smile myself.

"_It_? What is _it_?"

"No I'm…" she suddenly stopped whispering, and then I heard Father's loud boots coming towards the kitchen. I quickly understood why she went back to cutting tomatoes and pretended she wasn't even speaking to me.

"What the hell are you two crows talkin' about? Can't a man get his damn sleep?" My father said, and walked to the fridge to grab another beer. Apparently he has better hearing abilities than my mother and I are aware of.

"Oh nothing Charles, girl stuff. Do you want a plate already?" My mother asked, smiling. It was a fake smile. She does that to try to keep him from getting mad (even though sometimes he does anyway). I guess my parents were speaking to each other again.

"Well duh!" He said, and sat down at the other end of the small oval table, rubbing his eyes and running a hand through his black hair. He opened his eyes and I quickly looking down at the table, hoping he didn't notice me looking at him.

"Isabella…" he said, and I swear my heart stopped. What did I do wrong? I swear I cleaned my feet, and I wasn't staring that long.

"Ye…yes Father?" I asked with a shaky voice, still looking down at the table. Mom stopped cutting the tomatoes again, and looked up at him.

"Would you pass me the salt? I'm sure your mother's potatoes will need it," he said nonchalantly, and I almost sighed in relief. My mother sighed and went back to cutting the tomatoes. I handed my father the salt and he took it softly. It scared me that he was gentle. It was frightening because it was so unexpected. Maybe he was drunk already.

We ate in silence as usual. My mom was the last one to sit down, as she always made sure we had everything served and on the table first, even though it was just us three. As I started to eat the invisible steam off the chicken fogged my glasses with grease. I hated my glasses. Everything stained them and I couldn't see. When I first realized that I had a blurry vision I wanted to get contacts, but Father said they were too expensive and would hurt my eyes, and that was that.

I picked at my chicken, while my father finished his third plate. After he was done, he left his dirty plate and used napkins on the table and went to take a shower. I sighed in annoyance; he never picked up his mess. I went back to picking at my chicken while Mom quickly walked to a small desk we had by the fridge. It was the "mail" table. My father never looked through it. He said dealing with mail was "too damn complicated and such a headache." Mom flipped through the mail, and when she finally found the envelope she was hiding she rushed to my side.

"This is the surprise," she said, handing me the white envelope after I wiped my hands with a napkin. "When I read that it was for you from _him_, I wanted to open it myself. I know it's not my right to, but I couldn't help it. I was so excited!" She whispered. I stared at the sender's name on the envelope, and then looked at my name, and then back at his again. I smiled widely.

_From: Jacob Black_

_To: Isabella Swan_

Jake was my best friend, my _only_ friend…ever. I still remember how hard I cried when he moved. I knew what his moving meant. I had lost my only friend.

"Oh god, open it already and tell me what he says!" My mother ordered excitedly.

I had not seen Jake in three years. He and his father, Billy Black, had moved across the country due to Billy's company. "We're off to get rich!" He said. Jake and I had known each other our whole lives. Our parents were friends and we had grown up together. I could always count on him, even though we couldn't go to school together.

It had been months since the last time Jake wrote to me. He moved a lot and never had the chance to write. The first year after he left he didn't write at all because he was mad at my father. He was mad for the same reason that Billy, Jacob's father (and my father's ex-best friend), decided to end their friendship. It was the same reason my mom hid the letter from my father.

I was 15. Jake and I were holding hands, walking to my house. My father saw him and that's all you have to know to know to figure out what happened. It wasn't even like that. Jake was my best friend, and holding hands was normal for us. It was warm, not romantic at all. My father pushed Jacob away from me and punched him in the face, giving him a black eye. It was so embarrassing, and I felt so bad for Jacob. I shook my head to clear away the memories, and read the letter.

_Dear Bella who is so stella!_

I rolled my eyes.

_Dude! I finally got to write to you. I'm sorry I haven't been able to write as of late. But you know how my dad's business is. Anyway, I will have this address for a while so you can write me back here. I hope you ain't too pissed at me, 'cuz I miss you, friend. Tell Renee I miss her and her food. Dad's "special" spaghetti is starting to suck and making me fat and lose my touch with the ladies…yeah I know what a liar. Well, gotta go. I swear my next letter is already in the mail box or on a plane headed to you!_

_Your friend 4 eva,_

_Jake_

_P.S_

_Ha! You actually thought that was all I was going to write? I have a bigger surprise for you that I need to just double check with my dad before I tell you. You won't freaking believe it! Love you!_

I smiled and quickly folded the letter and placed it in one of the pockets of my jeans. I could feel my mom waiting.

"So?"

"So…he says he is alright and tired of his dad's spaghetti, misses you and me, and has a big surprise for me," I said. She covered her mouth so that my father wouldn't hear her squeal of excitement. My mother loves Jake. I think it has to do with the fact that he's my only friend.

"I'm so happy Bella. He should visit. Doesn't he know how lonely he has you?" she said, and then quickly looked at me as if apologizing for her comments. I chuckled.

"Don't worry mom, I know I'm a loner and I'm fine with it," I said, smiling, as I used one finger to push my glasses higher up my nose again.

"But you don't have to…" she said and I shook my head. She took a piece of paper from her pocket, unfolded it, and handed it to me. I looked at it and realized why she was hiding it. It was my report card. I had three "Cs," a "B" in English, an "A" in art and an "F" in math.

"Look, I know you're a smart girl Bella, and I know you go through crap in life that makes you wanna give up on life and school, but you have to know…" she paused, looked around, and then directed her attention back at me. "This, what you're holding in your hand, is the ticket out of this crap. You're our only hope…no scratch that, you are _your_ only hope of getting out of this town. I wish I could have been a smart girl like you, but I wasn't, I was just the pretty girl who married her high school sweetheart at a very young age. Now I'm stuck. Please Bella…" she said with tears in her eyes.

"Okay mom," I simply said, and I felt a tear run down my cheek. She wiped it away and she smiled at me, kissing me on the forehead. I wished my mom was like this with me every day.

That night I couldn't sleep. I kept remembering what happened at school; how I shouldn't have followed Mrs. Walton, and how I should have defended myself. Now I was going to have to deal with the consequences tomorrow at school.

When morning came my head and neck ached due to the lack of sleep. I quickly dressed in my worn out jeans (not the "in the style" worn out, but the "my father doesn't want to buy me new clothes" worn out). I put on a regular t-shirt with my favorite dark green hoodie sweater and brushed my naturally curled hair (which was a pain in the ass to brush). I put on my glasses, grabbed my old orange back pack, and ran out the door. I was running late as usual. I had planned to get to school early in order to avoid the Whore Bags on the way to my locker, but that didn't seem possible now.

When I got to school, I power walked inside, again avoiding eye contact with everybody. On my way to my locker nobody bothered me. At first I thought maybe nobody knew. I sort of got excited and sighed in relief.

I was so wrong.

As I walked to first period math, I was tripped into reality…literally. I felt the ground first, and then felt Lauren's massive leg. I don't know how that worked, but that's the way I remember it. My glasses fell on the ground beside me, but thankfully they didn't break. Father wouldn't me buy new ones. I fell hard on my left arm and I think I gasped loudly.

"Fucking snitch!" Lauren said, and walked past me. Jessica followed behind in her high heels. She kicked my math book to the other side of the hall as she went. I sat up and quickly grabbed my glasses just in case they tried anything else. I wanted to be able to see it coming. I looked around, Jessica and Lauren walked away. I guess they were wanted to be away from me before any teachers saw them. But tripping wasn't the worst part. The worst part was that everyone was staring at me. No... they were glaring at me.

Shit.

As I stood up, I quickly dusted off my jeans, rubbed my arm, and tried to catch my breath. I was a little winded. I quickly picked up my math book and almost ran to class, again avoiding eye contact with everybody. Unfortunately, I was late to that too and walked into a class full of people glaring at me. I looked around and spotted Alice Cullen. I was about to look down and avoid her, but she did it first. She seemed almost ashamed to look at me.

That's strange.

I walked to my usual spot, the last desk in the back, and tried to block out all the whispers about _Edward, the Cullens, me, me being a snitch _and _weed _out of my head. Math was a blur, a shaky and painful blur. And just last night I had promised my mom I would do better in school. Damn. I looked over at Alice, and I caught her staring at me with what I thought looked like pity. She quickly looked away. _Yeah…well feel bad all you want, you know you hate me too_.

Class was over and I lingered behind. As I stepped into the hall, I looked all around. I made sure that nobody would trip me this time. I ran to my locker and with shaky hands opened it. My drawing pencils fell on the ground as I opened the damn thing and I almost screamed in anger and fear. I quickly picked them up. Those pencils were hard to find and expensive. I had stolen them from art class because I was too scared to ask Father for the money to buy them. After I grabbed them and put them in my orange back pack, I rushed to my next class. This will be my school life I guess. Running away…

_You're such a fucking coward Swan!_ My inner voice cursed more than I did, and was always right, but _inner voice _isn't the one being threaten. God I hate school and I hate my inner voice too.

I walked into History and rushed to my desk and covered my head with my hoodie. I had Emmett in this class and he was freaking scary. He was five times my size and height, and he played football. _And_ he just happens to think that I got him caught smoking weed!

But really, what could he do, right? He wouldn't hit a girl…right? Right?

I was surprised, well maybe not really, that he didn't come to class. I realized what must have happened when Jasper didn't show up to Biology and Tanya and Rosalie weren't in Gym (which, thank god, Lauren and Jessica decided to skip that day).

They were all suspended. Double shit.

Alice was in art, but didn't look at me this time.

The next day I faked sick and Mom let it go, but she made me promise I would go to school the next day. Of course I promised I would, as I couldn't possibly hide forever and Father would be pissed. The next few days I tried my best to avoid people. I was still called names, especially "snitch," and Jessica and Lauren spent most of their free time following me around in the halls without even saying anything. That was the worst part, the silent following.

The next day something strange happened. Lauren and Jessica stopped following me and most people stopped calling me names and looking at me. Everything went back to normal. I didn't know if this was good or if it still meant I was in deep crap. Since everyone was ignoring me, I decided to ignore everything around me. I started feeling safe again. Though I couldn't stop wondering what would happen when the Cullens and Rosalie and Jasper came back. Not once in that whole week did I have lunch.

A week later I was once again running late to my first class. I was carrying two journals, my sketch book, and my never opened, never used, math book. I was walking fast, hoping I would make it. Mrs. Gomez had been giving me the "you're late again" look all week and I couldn't afford for her to call my house. Father had started his monthly week-long late shift and he spent most of the day at home, much to my mother's misfortune.

I rushed to class, looking down at me feet to make sure I didn't trip over them or anyone else's. But I should have known better, as I ended up running right into someone's chest. I felt a sharp pain as the hard math book dug into my chest and the force of the collision pushed me back. _This_ someone gasped and I fell back, dropping all my books.

"Shit!" I gasped in pain. The damn math book fell on my feet, and I fell on my ass on the hard floor. "I'm sorry…so sorry…I'm sorry… I'm just a dumb klutz, and sorry. That must have hurt…and…" I mumbled as I rushed to pick up my books, afraid to look up at the probably pissed person. But then this person knelt down in front of me. He smelled good.

"You are a klutz, but I forgive you," he chuckled, sounding so beautiful that I didn't dare look up at him. I stared at the ground. I was sure I was shaking and I probably peed in my pants a little. I stared at my now wide open math book. There was a picture of a damn square with lines across it, and numbers and letters. I don't know what the hell it meant, but that's what I was trying to concentrate on instead of looking at him. He gently closed the book and picked it up, along with my journals. I quickly grabbed my sketch book; holding on to it for dear life, knowing what was inside of it and what it meant if he saw it. I realized I had stopped breathing.

He stood up.

I stood up. Weakly, but I did.

He had my stuff.

He handed it to me…gently.

I looked up at him. Finally. In the eyes…

"You dropped this." Edward said giving me his "real" crooked smile. That smile…the one I love. I swear it was like I was in one of those cheese-fest movies. I think I stared at him for too long for it not to be awkward. I quickly looked down, feeling like a fool.

Wait. He was giving _me___that smile?

"Th…thank…thank you," I said. My voice sounded shaky and I would punish myself later for it. But holy crap…doesn't he hate me? Doesn't he want me dead? He lifted his hand and I flinched. Then I felt stupid when he gently placed it on my shoulder.

"No problem…_Bella_." He said softly and I looked at him again. He gave me another of his dazzling crooked smiles and swiftly walked away. Something I could never do.

What the hell was that?

As he walked away I felt my heart and my breathing start again and oh…he left his scent behind. Edward had smiled at me instead of threatening my very existence. I didn't know what to think. What the hell? I'm not scared.

Should I be scared?


	4. Just a Phase

**Totally forgot to thank the awesome **_**lizde **_**who corrected my mistakes on chapter 3 and this chapter. I love her. **

_Ch 4/Edward/Just a Phase _

"You'll grow up one day!" Carlisle yelled as I made my way up the stairs to my room. "This is just a phase son!" That was the last thing I heard as I slammed the door to my room. I threw myself on the bed and buried my face in my pillow.

"Just shut the fuck up!" I yelled. Nobody heard what I said, it was too muffled. Was anybody supposed to hear it? No, because I don't even know who I'm talking to.

Carlisle arrived home, late from work as usual, angry as fuck at me. No, not at Emmett, at me! He caught me having a late night snack in the kitchen and started talking about bullshit morals and how I was making my mother upset. I told him that he didn't have to worry about me anymore. High school was almost over and I was going to get the hell out of here. Well that didn't help, that just fucking pissed him off even more. He knew I was full of shit. I knew it too. I have no idea what I'm going to do with myself after high school.

I sat up, grabbed my iPod, turned up the music, and glared at the wall in front of me. It didn't help. I wasn't shutting down like I use to do when I was younger. It didn't work anymore. I couldn't block things out like a coward. I had to sit in this shit and stink in it.

_You can't run away from your own fucked up self._

"Fuck you!" I whispered to myself, but with so much anger that I spat the words out. Then my damn phone vibrated in my pocket. I wiped away the saliva on my chin and grabbed the phone. There was text message from Tanya. Fuck. I groaned and pressed the _read _button.

_Hey baby, I hope you aren't too mad. If you want you can cum over hehe and I can make it all better. Luv xoxoxo_

I swear if I wasn't too lazy to buy myself another phone I would throw the motherfucker against the wall. I stood up, put the phone in my pocket, and grabbed my black journal from under my bed. Yeah, I have a journal…fuck off. I grabbed some of my left over weed and a small bottle of vodka. Then I opened my window, climbed down, and ran off into the woods. I do this every time I decide I'm too pissed to spend time in my own house (which is almost every day).

I had walked for probably about ten minutes when I finally reached my destination. It's nowhere actually. My destination was nowhere. I always walk down the same path to this place in the middle of the damn woods. It's the only part with no trees or bushes. It's my very own fucking meadow. Yeah I know that sounds gay, but shit, it's free, it's mine, and nobody (I mean _nobody_) is ever there. It's perfect. I used to go somewhere else to be on my own, but it's dirty and I'm too lazy to clean it. Plus it reminds me of some shit I don't want to remember. So I found the meadow, and I've been going there ever since.

I sat down in my usual spot. There's probably an imprint of my ass cheeks shaped into the grass by now. I quenched my thirst with the vodka and I wrote in my journal. I didn't write much, but I did vent. Holy shit did I vent. If anybody ever read this shit they would send me to the nut house or be scared shitless. I would never let anybody read it. Never. Nobody.

When I was eleven, Carlisle and Esme decided to take me to a damn shrink. They said I must either have ADHD or some kind of anger problem, or I was bipolar. But I wasn't your typical pain in the ass punk with ADHD who can't stay still or punches walls for no god damn reason, I was silent, still, scary as a motherfuck, according to Emmett. He's a liar, so whatever.

The damn shrink got pissed at me because I wouldn't share a fucking a thing about what had me upset. It wasn't his god damn business. I told him to his fucking face that he needed to fuck off. So he gave me a journal to "vent" in and to let it out on paper. I had to tell someone, he said. I've had three journals since; all full of my wormy brain's shit. They are who I talk to.

The only reason Carlisle and Esme know my shitty story is because they read the police report when they took me in, but that damn police report is a damn small summary of what happened that night. Alice knows because she asked about my scar and since she had already told me so much about her shit I had to tell her about mine to be fair. Besides, Alice is nice to talk to…sometimes, when she isn't playing little Ms. Mother Fucking Teresa like she was when we were planning our prank on Isabella.

What the fuck was that shit? She's supposed to be on my fucking side! Besides, who gives a shit about Isabella? Nobody apparently cares. She doesn't have any friends and she wears that fucking green sweater all the fucking time. Didn't her daddy buy her clothes? Shit. Or some god damn new shoes? She wears those god damn torn black and white Converse all the damn time. See, nobody gives a shit, not even her parents.

I finished writing in my journal and set it next to me. I lit my blunt and lay back on the grass. It was probably fucking late, but I didn't have school tomorrow and everyone back home probably thought I was in my room locked away as usual. I stared up at the black sky with one hand behind my head and the other holding the blunt. I smoked the entire thing by myself and finished the bottle of vodka too. I was thinking about what I would do in a week when I returned to school. Besides the normal shit, now I would have to fuck with Isabella's head, or as Rosalie would put it, _her heart_.

I chuckled darkly to myself. Why did I agree to do it? Because I'm fucking bored, that's why. And besides, someone needs to pop Isabella's cherry. I'll do the honors, no problem. I chuckled to myself again. Yep…I was stoned. I didn't really think I would get so fucked up.

I woke up with the sun on my face and a headache that quickly put me in a bad mood. I dragged myself back to the house. The normally ten minute walk took maybe twenty. I climbed back up to my room, making a mental note to never climb a wall with a hangover again. Somehow I made it to my bed and I immediately fell asleep. I woke up with an even worse headache than before when Alice barged into my room.

"Fuck," I groaned. Didn't I lock my door? "Can't you fucking knock?"

"Yeah, well I'm only doing you a favor, even though you have me so mad at you Edward!" She said. I rubbed my eyes and opened them. I was on top of my still-made bed on the wrong end. My dirty shoes were on my pillow…shit. I was lying on top of my journal. It hurt.

"I thought you would like your homework," She said, placing some folders on top of my desk. While she was looking away I threw my journal under the bed. She turned around and made a face. "Ew, take a shower," She said. I rolled my eyes and it hurt. Damn hangover.

"You're right, I should. How else am I going to impress Isabella?" I said, smiling. Alice sighed loudly and angrily, and left my room, slamming my damn door behind her. It made head spin. "Fuck!" I yelled.

The next few days were pretty dull. In the morning I ate cereal, slept until the afternoon, fought with Emmett, played video games with Emmett, watched cartoons with Emmett (damn Emmett, I'm tired of him). Then I slept and ate some more. Alice brought me my home work every day. I did it before going back to sleep. This was actually better than school. I might just thank Isabella some day, but not before I popped her cherry of course.

I had decided to wait until we got back to school to start my master plan. It would be weird if I just showed up at her house and asked her if she wanted to fuck. I chuckled to myself. She would probably suspect something. So I decided I was going have to take my time. I had to convince her that I had fallen for her, and you can't fall for someone right away. Plus girls definitely don't let you into their pants right away for love. I mean I could probably fuck her now with a few sweet words, but that wasn't the point. Rosalie, the evil bitch, said for a girl like Isabella sex is probably all about "love" and trust, and that's all they have, so when you snatch that away from them they fucking break.

This was going to be fun.

Alice knocked on my door one afternoon. She came into my room (after I had unlocked it) with my homework in her hands. She glared at me as usual. She seriously wasn't talking to me, but I knew she would get over it like she always does when I piss her off. I thought she would leave after she dropped off the papers, but no. She stayed and sat by me on my bed. I turned and looked at her.

"What? Are you over the saintly bullshit?" I asked. She rolled her eyes.

"No," she said sadly and looked down at her hands in her lap and said nothing. I went back to watching some cartoons. It was silent, but it wasn't awkward. It was never awkward with my sister.

"Edward…" she finally said after a few minutes.

"Yep."

"Are you really going to do it?" She said quietly. I smiled.

"If you mean 'do her' than yes, I do plan to _do_ her," I said with a crooked smile. She just shook her head. I thought she was going to give me a lecture but she didn't. She knows me too well. I should have known she wouldn't.

"I could probably tell you that you're fucked up," she said again, quietly. Alice never cursed, so _this_ was awkward. "But I know you won't care," she continued. "And I think that's the worst part of all this. I could tell you that I don't think that Bella would do something like that, and she doesn't deserve your cruelty…"

"Bella?" I interrupted, and she sighed.

"Yes, she goes by Bella. Nobody calls her that because they don't give a damn that she prefers it. The teachers ignore her when she asks to be called Bella. Just like they ignore you when you ask them to not call you Edward Masen, even though that's how they have your name in their attendance form sometimes." She had to go there.

"That's not the same shit! Don't even fucking try to compare us!" I said angrily. She nodded. "I know I know…I'm sorry." She said, and placed a hand over mine. "Look Alice, if it bothers you so much, then why don't you just tell her to stay away from me?" I asked.

"Because you're my brother, and even though I feel bad for Bella, I can't just stab you in the back like that. All I can do is try to convince you to stop now. People at school have always given her hell because she's the chief of police's only daughter and shes a bit nerdy…"

"A bit?"

"Okay, she isn't a dang model, but come on Edward. Don't you feel any kind of remorse or anything about what you're planning to do?" She asked sadly. I didn't answer. "People already call her names and push her around because of what they "think" she did to you and the others."

"Who pushes her around?" I asked.

"Everyone does in one way or another. Physically, Lauren and Jessica push her around. It's sad. I wish I could do something."

I chuckled, but Alice didn't flinch. She was serious.

"Well that's just wrong," I said. She whipped her eyes towards me and looked at me hopefully. I felt bad that was about to disappoint her.

"Now how am I going to get into her pants when she thinks I hate her? I do, but she shouldn't know that. It's going to make it harder. The plan…it's going to make my plan _hard_…I mean…the plan will be very _hard_!" I said and started to laugh. She said nothing and quickly got off my bed and left my room, slamming my door on her way out. My poor god damn door.

I called some people from school who really wanted my attention. That included Tanya who at first didn't want to pull her guard dogs off Isabella. I promised her a weekend she would never forget and she obliged. She is so damn _easy_, and that isn't a joke (well, okay maybe). I told them to spread the word that I was pissed because they were teasing Isabella. I said I was happy because she got me a week off school. I told them if I ever found out that they fucked with her I would see that they got their asses kicked or humiliated. They believed me. Who wouldn't? I always kept my word.

I really don't know why people want to be friends with me. I'm always in a bad mood and I always act cold towards them. I'm a fucking douchebag. Maybe it's my dad's money? I don't know. But I just don't trust anybody, so they can all fuck themselves and drown in my fake smiles and friendship.

Next I called our group. I told Emmett, Jasper, Rosalie, and even Alice, to keep Tanya out of the prank because her fucking mouth would ruin it. They all agreed. Alice just shook her head.

I made it up to Tanya by taking her to a party. Carlisle was at the hospital and Esme had left to go to Seattle for the weekend, so I didn't get in more trouble for leaving the house. I got so wasted and fucked up that I don't remember bringing Tanya back to my room and into my bed. Obviously we didn't play video games or watch cartoons, because we woke up ass naked. I will have to burn the sheets now.

On the day I finally got to go back to school, I made sure to shave _extra_ close and dress _extra_ nice. I took an _extra_ nice shower and put some _extra_ nice cologne on. Yeah, I was _extra_ nice. When I made my way down stairs Emmett laughed and pointed at my extra niceness. "You look like you wanna' get laid bro!" He said, and both of us laughed while Alice just shook her head…again.

After I parked the Volvo in the school parking lot I quickly looked for Bella's shitty, fuck ugly, truck, but I didn't see it. Great, it would be just my luck if she dropped out. I walked to my locker to grab my books for first period and put my black journal in my locker. As I walked past some of the school's large windows I saw her.

She parked her shitty truck a little crooked and almost tripped as she ran into the school. I chuckled at her. She disappeared into the school's first floor. I looked around and asked a random person where Tanya's locker was. I didn't know where the whore's locker was, but everyone else did. I figured Isabella would be near Tanya's locker since I've heard Rosalie, Lauren and Jessica hang around there and tease Isabella occasionally. Well, they probably do it all the time… poor her.

I quickly made my way in the direction I was pointed and hid behind a soda machine. I waited until I finally saw her rushing through the hall with her books in her arms. She passed Tanya and the rest of the dumb bitches unnoticed. I realized she was headed towards me and that she probably wasn't going to her locker.

I've seen this shit done in the chick flicks Alice owns, and its genius. I had the perfect set-up. Isabella wasn't looking up, so I quickly stepped in front of her. I thought she would only lightly bump into me like in those god damn chick flicks, but she bumped into me hard. I gasped and winced as one of her books dug into my stomach. It fucking hurt. She fell back on her ass and her books scattered around her.

She could so easily break. She was so weak.

She gasped as well, and I think she said "shit" but I'm not sure. She quickly got on her knees and started picking her shit up. Well she bounces back, I'll give her that.

"I'm sorry…so sorry…I'm sorry… I'm just a dumb klutz, and sorry. That must have hurt…and…" she mumbled nervously. She's so paranoid. Well, look at what I'm out to do to her. I guess I can't blame her.

I knelt down in front of her. She abruptly stopped her movements and through her long mess of brown hair I could see the worry on her face. Shit, she knew it was me. "You are a klutz, but I forgive you," I chuckled trying to convince her I meant no harm…yeah right.

She was staring at her opened math book, probably hoping that I would go away, but I had a surprise for her. I closed the math book and picked it up along with some of her journals. She quickly grabbed a book or journal (I don't know what the fuck it was), and held it against her chest for dear life, as if I had hurt it or was going to steal it from her. Yeah right, because I care Isabella…right.

I stood up. She stood up.

She is so short. I've never noticed how small she is. She's too small. Under that oversized green sweater she was probably even smaller. She fixed her glasses with her finger. Some of her hair still covered her face.

I returned her crap to her and she gently took it. It was weird. She seemed so…soft. Her features seemed soft, and even the way she took her books back was so…soft. She was freaking me out. She looked up at me finally and gulped. Wow, she was really scared of me.

"You dropped this," I said, giving her a smile. I meant the smile. If I was going to win her over, I had to be nice to her. She stared at me in awe.

I guess Rosalie and Emmett were right. I amazed this chick. Her small mouth was hanging slightly open, and her eyes were wide under those small black oval glasses of hers. She looked down again.

"Th…thak…thank you," she said in a shaky voice. I was about to place my hand on her shoulder, trying to work my "touching" charm on her, but she flinched. What the fuck? I wasn't going to hit her. I didn't want to leave my hand hanging in mid-air so I went ahead and placed my hand on her shoulder anyway. I could see the realization hit her face and she looked like she felt stupid.

"No problem…_Bella_," I said, and she looked at me confused. I smiled at her again. Should I stay and make conversation? NO, that's bullshit, she'll freak out. I decided to put the magic on hold and walk away. I had to do this a little bit at a time. Maybe calling her Bella would make her feel more comfortable…shit I don't know…but maybe.

My morning was shit boring. Though I had missed an entire week, school didn't hold anything new for me except for people trying to make conversation and get me to talk about what happened. So far I've heard dozens of different versions of what happened to us. I heard Isabella dragged Mrs. Walton to where we were. Some say she's a spy for the cops or she's in the _DARE _club. Does that shit even exist anymore? Others said she's helping her dad bust us all. I seriously doubt that that klutz is a fucking spy.

I walked into the cafeteria and sat with Emmett, Jasper and Alice. Rosalie was still suspended and Tanya and her hounds decided ditch lunch to do something else. I don't understand that. Who ditches lunch? I sat in my usual spot and looked down at my feet.

"Dude, have you even made a move on her?" Emmett asked, and I smiled.

"Well maybe, but dude it's going to take some time," I said.

"You only have until prom. You only get money if you do it before. So what the fuck are you waiting for?"

"Dude its only January," I said. He looked confused.

"So?" he asked. What a moron.

"Prom isn't until May! Do you really think it's going to take me that long to get into her pants? I feel insulted," I said, and Jasper laughed.

"All of you are horrible. So what happens after prom? What will you do afterward Edward? What are you going to win?" Alice asked angrily.

"He'll get vengeance, our respect, and dignity!" Emmett said. Alice rolled her eyes. I swear she does that too much.

"You're the ones who were smoking the weed. How does Bella get punished for it?" She asked.

"Bella? I thought her name was Isabella," Jasper said. I chuckled.

"Dude, don't ask," I said. He looked confused.

"I think Alice is right. Edward deserves something else besides money if he does it at least by prom," Jasper said.

"That's not what I meant!" Alice said, pushing Jasper's arm off her.

"I'll get you that new PS3 game you got all excited about last time we went to Port Angeles," Emmett said. I laughed.

"I'll buy you that guitar you said you were going to ask Carlisle for," Jasper said. That just made me more determined. "But if you don't do it by prom, you're fucked for not fucking. You'll have to do whatever we say," Jasper said.

"Like what?"

"We haven't decided yet," Emmett said. They both laughed.

"That's fucked up. I'm the one having to do the dirty with her. You two aren't doing shit!" I barked. They laughed again.

"That's what you get for always being a loner. If you had a girlfriend, you wouldn't be going through this shit," Jasper said. I flipped him off.

"You better not do that if you want to impress your _love_," Jasper said. He wasn't looking at me. He was looking at something in front of him. I turned to see what it was. Ah…Isabella.

She walked into the cafeteria looking down. Her sleeves were too long and she held onto the end of one like a little homeless girl. I noticed she was holding a book or something in her other hand. She walked through the lunch line and quickly came out with a sandwich and a can of soda. She sat with the band geeks. They didn't notice her at all. She sat at the end of the table, staying away from them. She was hunched down, almost rolled into a ball, trying to take up as little room as possible. It looked like she was trying to make herself as small as possible, as if she was trying to avoid being noticed, trying to hide.

She nibbled on her sandwich and never looked up. She always looked down at her food, taking small pieces off the sandwich with her fingers and placing them in her small mouth. It almost seemed like she was savoring every piece of the damn thhing. Didn't she eat at home? She ignored it when the band geeks finally did look at her and started whispering something among themselves. They kept talking and then looked at me. I realized what they were talking about.

Isabella seemed to hear something that caught her attention. She whipped her head up and looked over to me. She caught me staring at her and her eyes widened and her mouth fell slightly open. I gave her a smile to show her I was a "friend" and not a foe. She grabbed her half eaten sandwich, the unopened can of soda, and her book; then she quickly stood up, rushed to a trash can and threw her food away. She left the cafeteria looking scared as hell. This girl has some serious issues.

"Great job asshole, you scared her away!" Emmett said. I rolled my eyes.

"It isn't my fault Isabella has issues," I mumbled.

My last few classes went by fast as a flying fuck. I was harassed twice by Tanya and her hounds. Seriously that bitch needs to back the fuck off. She told me that Isabella had told Angela, who told Jessica, who told Tanya, that she fucking hated Rosalie and that she fucking hated me for stealing her homework, and she wanted to get back at us. That little bitch. When in the flying fuck did I steal her homework? I finally got to English class and sat at one of the desks in the back. I sort of liked English, and that says a lot. I fucking hate school.

Mrs. Morris entered the room and right behind her was a surprise. I have English with Isabella?

She walked in with her arms wrapped around her books and that damn journal-thing she carries. She had an ugly orange back pack on her shoulder. Right away she spotted me. She stopped walking and looked down at her feet. She and I both noticed that the only desk available was in front of me. Perfect.

She slowly sat down and with shaky hands she placed her books on top of her desk and lightly placed her back pack by her side on the floor. I could see her back rising and falling somewhat quickly as she breathed. She was…scared.

I don't know why, but in that moment I hated myself. Why did I scare this girl so much? This ain't right.

_Remember, it's not your fault she has issues._

I shook off my self-loathing and looked towards the board as Mrs. Morris began to talk. I kept looking at Isabella, but she just looked down the whole time. This wasn't going to work. Then I got an idea.

Mrs. Morris finished talking and gave us our assignments. The room went silent as everyone started writing. I hid my pen in my pocket and leaned forward. I lightly tapped Isabella's shoulder and she jumped a little. She didn't turn around. She was probably scared shitless.

"Hey, um, I don't have a pen. Do you mind letting me borrow one?" I said in my lightest, most dazzling and sweet voice. She nodded nervously and with shaky hands dug into her back pack and took out a blue pen. She wanted to hand it to me without looking at me, but that wasn't going to work. "I, um, hey I can't reach it," I whispered and she paused for a long awkward moment. She finally turned so she was sort of facing me, still looking down. She held the pen in front of me so I could take it from her hand.

I gently took it, after slightly grazing her fingers with mine on "accident." She gasped and looked at me.

"Thanks," I said with a wide smile and pretended to concentrate on my work. She was still looking at me. I could feel it. So I looked up and smiled at her again. She looked down, rolled her eyes, and then looked back at my face.

"No problem Edward," She said with a surprisingly strong voice and she turned around. She wasn't shaking anymore.

I'm a genius.


	5. Silly Comet Dreams

**Big hugs and thanks to**_** lizde **_**for fixing my mistakes. I owe her! Like big time!**

_Ch5/Bella/Silly Comet Dreams_

"No problem Edward," I said, trying my best not let my fear show. His mouth fell open a little and I smiled at him. He seriously thinks I don't know what he's up to? I can smell his bullshit. I turned around, facing the front again. I knew he was still looking at me.

He's after me. Why can't they just leave me alone? What is he trying to do? Whatever it is, I'm not going to fall for it. I'm going to stay away from Edward Cullen. It's safer that way. I like safe. Safety is such a rare thing for me. Whenever I find it, I grab onto it and hold it tight like a hungry man with a sandwich.

Speaking of sandwiches, I'm hungry.

Mom didn't make breakfast this morning because she was in a bad mood. I could've made myself something, but I woke up late again and there was hardly any food in the fridge. Father is the one with the money, and my mother is too afraid to tell him when we run out of food. He'll just start talking this crap about how we're fat pigs who waste his money. I didn't eat my sandwich today at lunch because I couldn't stand being in the same room as Edward Cullen, just like I can't stand sitting in this class room with him behind me now. I'm so damn scared. I feel like he's staring holes into my back. Will he stab me in the back with that pen I gave him? Nah…he's an asshole not a psycho. I bite my lip to keep from shaking. I know what pissed people can do.

When people are pissed they are not _safe_ to be around.

When people are pissed at _me_, it's especially bad. _His_ neck turns red and the veins in his forehead pop out and he starts spitting saliva. He looks at me with his dark brown eyes full of menace and I'd swear he could swallow me whole. It's like I'll drown. I don't know how to swim. I can't seem to hide well enough. His smell when he's drunk makes me nauseas and scared. The way his moustache gets wet from the beer - it's disgusting and it makes me shake. I still remember that it's the same moustache that would tickle me every time he would give me a kiss on the cheek when I was kid. That was when I couldn't wait for daddy to come home. Now I fear every moment he's there. I wish I could hide.

I wish I could disappear.

I wish I was someone else.

I wish _they_ would leave me alone. _Them…everyone…anyone._

I stare at the assignment Mrs. Morris gave us. We're starting Romeo and Juliet. Ugh. It's just a bunch of whiney teenagers who kill themselves for a false sense of security and love. I mean I'm whiney, but nobody would write a story about it, and we definitely wouldn't read it in school. So why should I care about this pair of love struck kiddies?

We're supposed to write about what we know about the play already and give our opinions on it. But I don't care, especially when the devil himself is sitting behind me and I'm just waiting for him to strike.

I'm bracing myself. I know where the door is. I keep an eye on it the whole time. My heart is pounding against my chest. I feel this weird heat behind my ears and I can't breathe.

But even after all this I can't hate him. I can't hate Edward. It's like he completes some weird part of me. If he wasn't around whose beauty would I admire? Who would I feel adoration for? In my mind I've made up the perfect boy. Without him for a model who would I use? He has Edward's face, his crooked smile, his bronze hair, his fit body, and the spirit of an angel. He would keep me safe. He would fight _him_ off. He would tell Tanya to fuck off and tell me to toughen up. If anybody ever held me close, I would want him to do it. Not real Edward…_my _Edward. I want to bury my face in his chest and smell his cologne and feel his arms around me. Feel the softness of his shirt against my cheek.

Not real Edward…_my _Edward.

I'm pathetic and a disgrace to women. I roll my eyes at myself and kick my stupid dreams out of my pathetic mind.

The classroom was silent for the rest of the period. The clock was agonizingly slow, and Edward wrote. I could hear _my _pen writing in his beautiful hand. How I envy thee. Damn you pen, and damn you Shakespeare.

The bell finally signaled the end of class and, instead of staying behind as usual; I grabbed my stuff and ran out of the class. I ran, ignoring Edward calling my name to remind me that he had my pen. _Keep it; I'm sure you can use it later as a murder weapon._

I grabbed what I needed from my locker and ran past Tanya and the Whore Gang. I knew they were staring at me the whole time, but for some reason they didn't say anything. I drove home in silence again. I had forgotten my CDs at home and I hate the radio. Lady Gaga my ass. I prefer the silence.

My mother made dinner late that night because Father got home later due to a shift change. Sometimes when Father works the night shift mother doesn't make anything to eat. She just stays in her room or she leaves. I don't see her at all on those days. As we ate our soup Father complained about having to _drink_ his food. He said he wanted some steak. My mother finally told him we were out of food. He grumbled, threw some money on the table, and grumbled some more on his way up the stairs to the shower. Mother didn't even try to make conversation with me. I wasn't surprised.

Before I went to sleep that night I did the usual. I drew like a mad woman. Sometimes I draw for so long and get so lost in whatever I draw, that before I know it, it's late as hell and my lower lip is stuck between my teeth. It's a nasty habit, but I can't seem to stop. I'm not even aware of it when I do it.

After I did my "venting" with my drawing, I clipped it to my wall with the others. My "personal" or "scary" drawings, the ones that would make my mom gasp and cry and make Father send me to a shrink, are in my school sketch book. I keep that one with me at school so I can draw during class. I have many sketch books. I have two favorites right now. One is for school and the other one is for home. The sheets for the one for home hang on my walls. I guess it's not really a sketch book since I tear all the pages out.

I made sure to get up early for school the next day to avoid bumping into Edward again or running past Tanya. I made it to school with twenty minutes to spare, and got to math class early. Nobody was there, not even the teacher. I got out my sketch book and began to draw. The class began to fill, but I ignored everyone and didn't even look to see if Alice Cullen had come to school today. I completely forgot to pay attention and instead spent the entire period drawing comets in my sketch book. Why? I don't know. Does everything need an explanation?

The rest of my classes went by the same as the day before. I caught Emmett and Jasper both looking at me a few times, but they didn't say anything or look at me threateningly. Emmett even gave me a half smile. Have they forgotten? One can only hope. I started to feel hopeful. I mean if they wanted to get back at me, they would have done it already, right?

I rushed to lunch. I was starving, but I wasn't going to eat in the cafeteria. Hell to the no. Edward and his heavy stare would be there. He was usually late to lunch, so I had time. I made my way to the lunch line. A few others were already there. Mike Newton and Ben (whose last name I don't know) were in front of me arguing about who was hotter in school. Eventually they moved along to celebrities like Megan Fox and Angelina Jolie. I rolled my eyes at them. I just wanted a sandwich. Why did I have to endure their shallow conversation to get it?

As I waited for the line to move along, so I could get away from Mike and Ben, I felt someone come up behind me. I didn't care who it was until I _smelled_ him. I didn't dare look back at him. His smell was so sweet, so inviting, but it was all a trick. He didn't say anything, but I knew he was there. I swear I can feel Edward Cullen's presence in a crowded room. I don't know why. It's probably his smell. The jerk smells good. I'm not shitting.

Mike and Ben started rough housing and I wanted to take a step back away from them so I wouldn't be hit, but _he _stepped in closer behind me. Mike pushed Ben a little too hard and it pissed Ben off. Ben's smile disappeared and he looked mad as hell.

Oh shit.

He pushed Mike a little harder and it caused Mike to stumble back. I could have sworn he was going to fall on me, and knowing my luck they would blame it on me. Mike tried to grab on to something before he stumbled back, but failed. He was about to bump into me hard when _he _pushed him off.

"What the fuck Mike? You almost fell on Bella!" Edward said, pushing Mike away with one arm. Mike looked down at me and seemed not to care, but then he looked back at Edward and whatever he saw must have made him reconsider.

"Dude, I'm sorry Isabella. I mean Bella. Whatever…you know," Mike said. He looked at me nervously. I said nothing and just nodded. He gave me a fake smile and returned to the line.

I still didn't look at Edward. I'm sure he expected me to thank him. Damn, I already owe him. I hate this.

I grabbed a sandwich and a soda, and ignored Edward. What does he want? I mean why is he early to lunch? Why does he smile at me, and why in the hell did he defend me from one of his friends? I didn't look back. I don't even know what he's wearing today; something which I (pathetically) do know every other day.

I got to the cashier and pulled out the five bucks Father gives me for lunch every day."I'm sorry Isabella but we had to raise our prices. It's gonna be six dollars now honey; four dollars for the sandwich and two for the soda," Nancy, the cashier, said. I looked at her in shock, but Nancy never felt pity for a broke and hungry teenager. I knew she wouldn't care if I was just a dollar off. Four damn dollars for a school sandwich? Who the hell are they kidding?

"Six bucks? But…um…I…uh…um…" I said looking down embarrassed. "I think I have quarters in my pockets," I said, lamely. What the hell was I doing? I know I don't have any more money. My green sweater has holes in its pockets and I don't put anything in my jean pockets. Before I could tell Nancy to shove her sandwich where sun don't shine, the "apparently always helpful" hand of Edward Cullen extended a dollar bill to Nancy.

"Here you go. Now will you let the girl have her food?" Edward said in his velvety voice. I turned to look up at him and he looked down at me and gave me his crooked smile.

He was beautiful. That bastard…

His bronze mess of hair was "extra" messy today and the blue button down shirt he was wearing made his pale skin almost sparkle. Again, I'm not shitting.

"Uh…I…um…uh you didn't have…" God I wish I could speak.

"It's okay Bella. Whenever I need a buck, you can let me have one," He said in a friendly tone, and smiled again.

"Um…ok…thanks," I said. I started to walk away.

"Bella, wait!" he said. I stopped. I shouldn't have stopped.

"Did you do the assignment for English? I swear I have no idea what I'm doing on it and um…I know, I know, I know 'fuck off Cullen' but I really need some help. You're smart and I was wondering…"

Edward Cullen is full of shit. _I _didn't have any idea what to do on the damn assignment. _I_ didn't do it. He was writing all through the whole class period. What the hell does he need help with? "You're smart." Yeah right. What the hell does he want?

"I was wondering if maybe you could help me," Edward said, giving me a smile. I had to look away or he would win. He gently placed a hand on my shoulder "Please… and I can help you with it too," I could hear a smile in his voice. I wasn't falling for that.

"No," I said and roughly pulled away from him. I looked up at him and he looked shocked, as if he had expected me to melt to the floor and offer myself to him. Instead I had just failed him.

"Why not?" He asked, sounding insulted.

"I didn't do it. I don't get it either," I said. I'm such a liar, but that sounded better than _"Really I don't give a shit so I didn't do it. Even though I promised my mother I would do better. But since your evil presence was behind me the whole time, I couldn't concentrate…so fuck you."_

"Oh," he said, looking a bit out of place now. He ran his hands through his hair. "Oh, well I might…" Before he could finish, Tanya and the Whore Gang walked into the cafeteria.

"I should go," I said, cutting him off. I quickly walked away. He didn't try to stop me this time. I walked past the Whore Gang, who all giggled as I passed by. They said something about my green sweater and how I looked like I needed a hair brush. I ignored them and made my way through the halls and finally reached the back doors.

There was nobody out there. There never is, because it's against the school rules. Occasionally some kids will sneak off back there and hide in the alley behind the school and smoke cigarettes. Sometimes they go into the bushes where the Cullens were caught and make out. That wasn't where I was going.

I walked past the drawing on the wall that Mrs. Walton has forgotten to make me clean. I'm not going to remind her. I walked a few more steps and reached the chain link fence that divided the school property from the rest of the woods. I opened a gate leading out (it's a wonder that they never lock it) and went to _my_ tree. The tree is wide and huge and, since I'm sort of small, I can hide behind it. I come here when the cafeteria is full, to draw or just get away. Sometimes, on cold or rainy days, I sit under the porch of the school instead. There is a corner of the building there where I can hide, but I like the tree better.

I don't come out here often because it's always raining or too cold. But today, the weather is just right. I sat with my back against the tree, facing the woods. I put my can of soda on the ground and quickly ate my sandwich. Eating would take time away from what I really wanted to do. The ground wasn't too damp today, but I still had to hurry before my jeans got soaked. When I finished eating, I took a sip from my soda and placed it back on the ground. I crawled a few inches, and with a rock began to dig through the dirt, looking for my knife.

No, I'm not a psycho. It's a carving knife. I stole it from my art class. I know it probably has a fancy name, but I really don't care. I grabbed it and went back to the tree. Our art teacher threatened to expel us if we ever stole his knives. But the day after we started the carving assignment a knife went missing. He asked us all nicely, and then angrily, who stole it. He let us know that he wasn't bullshitting when he said he was going to expel us. Nobody said anything of course. Because nobody expects me to steal something like that, nobody figured out who it was; but I still spent that whole class period shaking in fear. So that was the last time we used the knives. I don't feel guilty. Who the hell gives knives to a bunch of teens anyway? I keep it hidden out here in the woods, that way they'll never find it on me.

I stood up and started carving. I had been trying to finish this for the longest time, but I hadn't been able to because of the rain. As I worked, it started again, the loss of reality. I think that's why I love to draw. Some people drink, some do drugs and lamely blame it on their lives. I just draw. I get lost in the lines, the shading, and the shapes. It's not unhealthy. This time I really needed it and I did get lost, so lost that I didn't notice that I'd cut myself until I felt the sting in my hand.

"Shit!" I gasped. It hurt like hell. I dropped the knife and grabbed my hand. I closed my hand tightly into a fist and felt the warm liquid gathering in my hand. "Oh shit," I whispered. I know what happens when I see red. I pass out. Who would find me if I did that out here? I slowly made my way back to the school building. I felt weak and I stumbled a few times. I know it's just a cut, but the woozy feeling always happens. I get sick to my stomach just from knowing that I'm bleeding.

I was barely able to open the heavy school doors. I needed to get to the nurse. She already knows me by name and I don't feel embarrassed around her. I just make up stories about how I fell and she believes me. Who wouldn't? She'll put some crap on the cut and wrap it up with a bandage and then I won't be bleeding anymore. I'll be safe again.

My brain was pounding against my skull, my stomach was doing back flips, and I broke out in a cold sweat. I began to shake. My head was killing me and my vision blurred even more. I took my glasses off, hoping that would help ease the pain. My hands searched for support and I found the lockers. I was fighting against my weakness so I could get to the nurse's office, but my feet stopped moving. I placed my forehead against the cool lockers and grabbed my stomach. I tried not to breathe in the scent of the blood. It smells like iron. It's disgusting.

"Bella?" someone said. Duh, of course it's me. Who else is always dying? If I hadn't been about to pass out (and a bit annoyed) I would have recognized his voice. "Shit Bella, you alright?" he asked again, as he rushed over to me. I don't know where he was coming from, but I could smell him coming.

Oh shit.

He placed his hands on my shoulders and I swear I shook a little more. He gently pulled me away from the lockers and turned me to face him. "Shit Bella, you're pale!" He said. I looked up at him weakly. I was holding my hand again and he looked at it. "Damn! You're bleeding!" he said, panicked.

"No shit…I…need…nurse," I said weakly before my legs gave up. I was about to hit the floor when he grabbed me. It hurt, I'm sure he didn't mean for it to, but it hurt. Before I knew it I was being carried. I was half conscious and I could still feel his movements as he carried me. I could hear his breathing and his heartbeat against my ear. His arms were under my back and under my knees and my face was pressed against his chest.

_God he does smell heavenly._

I quickly tried to move my face away from him. He was ruining it. He isn't the one. I'm saving this moment for someone else. But I couldn't move my head. I could feel his face in my hair. I wanted to yell at him and order him to put me down. His heart was beating fast and I could feel his warm breath on my forehead. I gave up and closed my eyes and let him carry me. His shirt was soft against my cheek.

I sighed.

I hate him.


	6. Hands Away

**An awesome hug goes to lizde who rocks and also looks over my writing. She's a hero.**

_Ch6/Edward/Hands Away_

"No," she simply said, and violently pulled away from me.

What the fuck? I wasn't expecting this. What did I do wrong? I gave her what the girls call the "dazzle smile." The one that makes girls' panties fall every time. But Bella just told me to fuck off. Is she gay? What the hell? She looked up at me and I stared down at her in shock. I wanted to know why, damn it! Didn't she care that I needed help? Not that I really needed the help (shit I know I'll get an A), I just wanted to get closer to her and perhaps start a "friendship" so we can get this shit over with. But Bella wasn't in the mood to help. What a bitch!

"Why not?" I asked. Honestly I was insulted. How dare she?

"I didn't do it. I don't get it either," she said. She looked at me as if it was the honest truth. Well…that shit didn't work. I can't get her to fall for my "I'm a dumb little cute boy" plan if she can't even do the damn assignment. I felt awkward standing in front of her like a moron.

"Oh…" I looked around not knowing what to say. Well, _she_ might need help. _Offer to help her you idiot._ "Well, I might…" Before I could finish offering my help Bella got a look on her face like she had just seen someone she really hated.

"I should go," she cut me off and rapidly walked away. I scratched my head confused. This was going to be harder than I thought. Bella is a fucking paranoid weirdo.

I walked to our usual table and sat down, still thinking about what had just happened. I never get turned down. Bella Swan just injured my ego. Most bitches would have agreed to help me, even if they didn't plan to do the assignment themselves, and then offer to suck my dick for extra points. The extra points were with me of course. What the hell was wrong with Isabella?

She isn't normal.

There was still nobody at my table. Some girls walked past me. They waved and smiled at me and I smiled back. See! I still have it! It's just that fucking Swan that didn't fall for it. Her glasses must be dirty. Shit I don't know and its driving me fucking crazy. I even defended her from Mike, and gave her a dollar, to show her that Edward fucking Cullen can be nice. I mean Mike _was_ being a douche, and I _might_ have gotten closer to Bella so she would have to bump into me if she took a step back, but I seriously did those things to help her out. Fine, okay, I might have done them more for the "seducing" part of all this. I'm trying to show her that I'm the hero. God knows I'm not, I'm the bad guy. But you can't trust the bad guy so I have to put on a show for her.

I'm a fucked up villain, the kind of villain that you can't wait for the real hero to kill off. I know what I am. I don't deny it.

Tanya and her hound dogs, Lauren and Jessica, walked over to the table. Lauren and Jessica smiled flirtatiously at me, Tanya gave them her "fuck off" look, and I chuckled at them. None of them held my interest. Fucking blonde airheads who only know how to suck cock and spend their daddy's money on shit they don't need. They're like fucking robots with boobs and asses. No fucking brains.

Tanya came up behind me and ran her hands down my chest. She leaned in and kissed my neck. I could smell her perfume and it was fucking annoying. It smelled like fucking over priced perfume made up by some gay guys. Tanya needs to lay off the fag juice. She also needed to get the fuck off me. She whispered some shit that I didn't pay attention to and went to go sit with her hound dogs at the other end of the table. She could stay over there for all I cared. I wasn't horny at the moment.

Emmett, Jasper and Alice came and sat with us. Alice and Jasper started talking about going out on the weekend and after Emmett asked me how my "seducing Bella mission" was going he spent his time talking to Rosalie on his cell phone. Tanya and the other two were talking about the mall and some MTV show. I sighed. I fucking hate people.

Damn, there it is again, my depression. What the fuck do I need? I hate feeling like this. I feel like I'm missing something. I don't know what to do. I feel this desperation that weighs so heavy on my chest that I can't breathe.

"Have you even spoken to Bella?" Jasper asked, pulling me out of my angry thoughts. I looked at him and then over to Tanya who busy talking to Jessica.

"Dude, what the fuck? Big mouth is sitting right there!" I whispered, looking over at Tanya.

"Only you would know how big her mouth is," Jasper said. I laughed and Alice made a disgusted face.

"I talked to her, but it's hard. She's fucking weird man," I said. He looked at me, intrigued.

"Dude, we all know that already. You still have to do this. Or what…are you going to back out of the bet?" He asked.

"Hell no, dude. I never back down."

"Then quit making excuses or my sister is going to kick your ass. She can't wait to get back. She really hates Bella and wants to make sure you keep your word," he said.

"I am keeping my word, and your sister better not fucking ruin it. She better leave Bella alone."

"Already feeling protective of her I see. How cute," Jasper said. He was amused.

"Fuck you! She knows that I hang around with you and your fucked up sister. How in the hell is she going to believe me when she has Rosalie calling her names and pushing her around? That shit needs to stop so that I can have a shot! Don't you people want to get back at her?" I whispered angrily.

"You're right bro, I'll get Rose off Bella's ass so you can have a chance to tap it," he said, laughing. Alice sighed loudly. Jasper looked at her and kissed her, trying to kiss _her_ ass. I rolled my eyes.

The conversation moved along. Jasper and Alice began talking about the weekend again and Emmett was still talking to Rosalie and making stupid giggly noises and whispering shit to her. Fucking pussy. Tanya and the hound dogs were now talking about some actor's abs. Shallow bitches.

Ugh, fuck this shit. I sighed loudly and threw my chair behind me. I probably freaked everyone out, but I didn't give a shit. I walked off with my hands in my pockets and my head down. Again, avoiding people and trying to get away from all the laughter and the bullshit that is high school.

I walked into the hall and was about to go to my locker to grab my journal when I saw _her_ and at first she scared me shitless. She totally freaked me out. Bella was leaning face first into a locker. I could tell it was her because of that damn green sweater, dirty Converse and her long-ass brown hair. She was making small whimpering noises as if she was in pain and I could see her shoulders shaking. She was hunched down a little and was grabbing her stomach with one of her hands. I couldn't see the other one. She looked fucking scary leaned into the locker like that.

_What if she's dying? What if she needs help?_

"Bella?" I asked. She didn't answer. "Shit Bella, you alright?" I asked. Again, no answer.

Shit there was something seriously wrong with her. I thought about going to get the nurse, but then I decided it would be better to take her there instead.

_You're_ _such a fucking douche bag Cullen, trying to win points with her while she's dying._

But I wasn't thinking about that! Okay, yeah, this might benefit the "Do Bella Foundation," but big fucking deal. Even I know you have to do something when someone needs help. Even if that someone is _Weirdella._

So I walked over to her and gently placed my hands on her shoulders. She's so fucking small. My hands looked huge against her shoulders. I gently pulled her away from the locker and turned her to face me so I could see her face. I almost gasped. She was so pale; all the color was drained from her face and she looked sick as hell with a bit of sweat on her forehead. She was shaking and quietly whimpering

"Shit Bella, you're pale!" I cried. I noticed she was holding one of her hands with the other, and it was bleeding. "Damn! You're bleeding!" I was fucking panicking. What the hell do I do?

"No shit…I…need…nurse," she said weakly. I was about to smile at her unexpected sassiness, but her eyes started to roll a little and she sagged against the lockers. Her body seemed to be broken. Then it hit me that she was fainting, so I grabbed her by the arms hard. I knew that probably hurt, but I wasn't going to let her just hit the floor. I placed an arm under her knees and my other arm under back. Bella was so light and so fucking small. She seemed like she was going to break apart in my arms, so I held her tighter. She was so soft and warm.

What the fuck? Since when I do describe people as soft and warm?

Her face fell against my chest and one of her small hands grabbed my shirt tightly as she wrapped her other arm around my shoulder. I noticed she was holding her glasses in that hand.

Her eyes fluttered. She was trying to wake herself up, but she was too weak. I don't know why, but she tried pulling her face away from my chest. I think I even heard her say "no" but her face fell back into my chest as I walked to the nurse's office. She finally stopped trying to wake herself up and stayed still. My heart was pounding against my chest. Why was I so worried?

As I walked with Bella in my arms, a few people stopped and stared and a teacher asked if Bella was okay. I nodded, basically telling them to fuck off. I kept breathing in a strawberry scent mixed with the smell you get when you spend time outdoors on a humid day. I realized it was Bella's hair that smelled like strawberries. Well, well, well. Bella smells good. I chuckled at how easy it was to distract me. But she did smell great. Hella good…

I could feel her heart beat against the arm that was under her back as her breathing slowed.

"It's gonna be alright Bella, we're almost there," I said, and I swear I heard her sigh.

We finally reached the damn nurse's office.

"Oh Bella!" Nurse Suzy said. I almost laughed. She knew Bella by name. "Just lay her on the bed there!" Suzy said. She pointed at the red padded table she calls a bed.

"This is not a bed," I mumbled as I gently placed Bella on it. I was going to pull away, but Bella's strong little hand wouldn't let go of my shirt. "It's alright Bella," I sighed. I was a bit annoyed. I hate when people hang on me.

As I gently pried her hand off me I noticed it was the bloody one. I took her glasses from her other hand and placed them on top of a small table that was near the bed.

"She's bleeding by the way," I said. The damn nurse chuckled. What the fuck? That isn't funny!

"That's not new for Bella," she said. She walked over to a still unconscious Bella and I took a few steps back, trying to get out of the way. Suzy started to wipe Bella's hand with some oily looking shit that smelled strong. "This is a deep cut…not deep enough to need stitches, but it's worse than what she's gotten before," Suzy said to herself. I'm not sure I was supposed to hear her. "You can go back to class Mr. Cullen," she said. I shook my head and then cleared my throat before speaking.

"Nah, I wanna know how Isabella is doing. Why is she unconscious? Is she alright?" I asked. Suzy nodded.

"She's fine. She just has a serious case of hemophobia. That's why she fainted. So don't worry," she said. I chuckled.

"She's scared of gays?" I asked, and she laughed.

"No, that's homophobia," she said, shaking her head. "Hemophobia is an extreme fear or phobia of blood. Its common, many people have it," she said nonchalantly.

"Well, apparently not, since _I've_ never heard of it. That's just weird," I said. She sighed, annoyed with my ignorance. She was bandaging Bella's small ass hand now.

"It's not weird, Edward. Everyone is scared of something. Some are just more scared than others. If we call it weird, it'll just scare them more knowing someone thinks it's 'weird.' It'll just confirm their fear and it won't help anything. You, Edward, might be _extremely_ scared of something and not even know it," she said. I said nothing. This conversation needed to stop now, before we got into shit that we didn't need to get into.

She finished bandaging Bella's hand and placed her own hand over Bella's forehead.

"Poor girl," she said quietly. Again, I wasn't sure if I was supposed to hear her. She turned and looked at me. "You can go at any time. I'm going to let Bella rest. She needs it. She'll wake up on her own. This isn't the first time this has happened," she said. How come I never heard?

"I'd rather wait with her." Yeah, who is she gonna thank when she wakes? She can't forget that I'm the hero. I can't risk going through this and not being rewarded.

"Um…okay," she said, looking at me confused. "I'm only letting you because the principal is out at a meeting and Bella…well Bella…just...never mind. I'll write you a pass for when you do decide to leave," she said. She said something else about having to leave to go to the elementary school in Forks and I nodded. She gave me the pass and left.

I sat by Bella on a rolling chair. She could take her time waking up if meant I get to skip class waiting for her. I was about to lean back on the chair and make myself comfortable when I received a text message from Alice. "_Where are you?"_

I groaned."_None of your business. Fuck off." _I texted back.

"_Whatever douche!" _she replied. I was about to call her out on her language when I heard Bella's voice. I thought she had woken up since I heard my name.

I put my phone back in my pocket and looked down at Bella. I was shocked to see that she was still unconscious.

"_Edward…you ruin…ruin it…my Edward…blood,"_ she mumbled in her sleep.

I almost squealed like a little bitch. So I'm_ your_ Edward, Bella? I guess everyone was right. Bella Swan does dream about me. I felt like doing a victory dance. She does adore me. I just need to do a little work and she'll be eating out of the palm of my hand. I'll be in her pants in no time!

I stopped congratulating myself when Bella's sleeping face caught my attention. She looked so at peace, nothing like her usual paranoid self. Her expression was soft and warm. She looked content. She was probably dreaming about me. Yeah, I know. I'm a douche.

I've never paid attention to Bella's face before. She has a small nose. On top of that nose she has a light sprinkling of freckles. There were also some freckles sprinkled on her cheeks. It was as if someone had planned to place them on just the right spots. You can't really see them unless you're really close to her face, like I was. She doesn't wear any make-up and she really doesn't need it. Besides the freckles, she had none of the spots, pimples, blackheads or lines on her face that would have been expected on a teenager. Her skin is clear of all that nasty shit.

Her lips were full and slightly opened. They were a warm plum color and looked soft to the touch. I had to fight the urge to run a finger across her lips and over her jaw. Why the fuck did I want to caress her face? I never do that shit. She was so…I don't even know. She was pissing me off and she didn't even know it. Her brown curls lay under her and they contrasted with her pale skin. She looked younger and at peace with her eyes closed, lost in her sleep away from it all.

I found myself staring at her and…enjoying it like a fucking stalker. I swear I will never admit that to anybody. Not even to myself again. This is so pussy-like. What the fuck was I doing?

I was about to move away from her when her eyes suddenly fluttered. This was my moment to shine. She opened her eyes a little and then closed them again, wincing. Maybe it was the light. She wrinkled her forehead creating a little dimple there. She placed a hand on her head and took a deep breath. She kept her eyes closed and I just waited for her to open them before I put on my "Are you okay? You had me so worried," act.

Finally she started moving. She dropped her hand down, away from her head and turned her face toward me and opened her eyes.

Bella has brown eyes. I mean I already knew that, but shit I hadn't seen them without her nerdy glasses. They aren't the normal boring brown everyone else has. Her eyes are a dark chocolate color that contrasts with her pale skin and freckled face perfectly. We stared into each other's eyes. I didn't move and I didn't start my little act like I planned.

What the fuck is this shit? I need help.

She sighed and swallowed and closed her eyes again. She rubbed her eye lids and sighed again. She probably thinks this is a dream. What can I say, _I am_ dreamy. Then she turned back to me and opened her eyes yet again and wrinkled her forehead in confusion.

"Edward?" She asked. Her voice was a little heavy, probably from passing out and all.

"Bella..." I said and smiled at her, but she didn't smile back. What the fuck is wrong with her? I mean I helped get her to the nurse, I stayed with her and acted all nice and shit. But she can't even fucking smile back at me? She can't even say "thank you" or at least look at me like she likes me? I know she said my name in her sleep. That must mean something, right?

"Edward?" She asked again, slightly upset. Her eyes widened and she sat up quickly. "Shit..." she huffed and looked around." What...what happened?" She hit her hand against the bed and looked down at it. I guess the pain reminded her of what happened. But just in case she forgot any of the details I decided to remind her.

"I found you out in the hall and you passed out. I carried you here...to the nurse," I said softly, trying to sound serious. "Are you okay? Are you feeling better? You didn't look too good," I said. I really should deserve some kind of award for this "act" I'm pulling.

"You carried me here?" She asked. She sounded shocked and somewhat doubtful. No! Fuck no! I didn't do all this shit so she can doubt my "goodness".

"Yes. You had me worried shitless," I said. I smiled at her, but again she just frowned. She looked down at her lap.

"Oh..." she said. I wanted to yell at her and demand gratefulness, but I kept my cool. She looked at me again and her eyes suddenly widened. "I'm so sorry!"

I was confused.

"Why are you sorry?" I asked. Then I realized she wasn't looking at my face, but instead her eyes were focused lower down. I looked down at my shirt and realized that it had large blood stain on it. It was probably from where she grabbed me earlier.

"I'm sorry I ruined your shirt. I'm just...I um...uh...I'm so stupid," she said, sounding frustrated and almost angry at herself. She looked down again. Why was she so frustrated? It's just a shirt. I have plenty of shirts at home.

"Bella, don't worry. It's just a shirt. I seriously don't care. If I did I would have noticed the stain earlier. Now, _I'm_ fucking stupid. How can I miss a giant ass stain on my shirt?" I chuckled, but she still didn't smile or look at me. This was getting really frustrating!

After that we didn't move and didn't say anything for a few minutes. We just sat there in an awkward silence that I didn't know how to break. For the first time in my fucked up existence I didn't know what to say. Luckily Bella fixed it for both of us.

"Where are my glasses?" She asked, looking around. She started to squint, trying to find them. I quickly stood up and grabbed them from the small table and handed them to her.

"Here, I hope they're alright," I said. She took them from me with her good hand and looked at them. She wiped them off with her shirt and then put them on. Bella's brown eyes were gone again. I don't know why that made me sad. It was like if she was hiding from me again.

"I'm sorry again about your shirt. I'll pay you back. I don't know how, but I will," she said quietly. She had her fucking head down again.

"Bella, seriously stop apologizing for a fucking shirt! I'll be fine!" I said, a little more loudly and in a higher pitch than I would have liked. She jumped a little. She's so paranoid. Fuck! I stood up and walked closer to her and I could see her tense up. I wanted to show her that she could trust me. I wanted to show her that I wouldn't hurt her. Well, not physically anyway.

I was about to place on a hand her shoulder, again just trying to comfort her, but Bella flinched so violently it caused the bed she was sitting on to move. What the fuck is wrong with her?

She pushed her glasses up her nose with a finger and it reminded me of Superman...or Clark Kent. If I wasn't so freaked out I would have made fun of her. She took a deep breath as if she was trying to calm herself down.

"I'm...uh...um...I'm sorry," she said, sounding embarrassed. She slowly looked up at me. Her cheeks were flushed red and she was biting down on her lower lip. She looked scared...nervous...worried...why? I'm so fucking confused.

"I'm...I have to go to class," she said. I placed my hand under her elbow to help her down from the bed, and she didn't flinch this time. "Thanks..." she said quietly, still not looking up at me.

"No problem Bella," I said. She slowly made her out through the doorway. She walked down the hall, with her head down, taking slow steps. She turned and looked at me, but before I could smile at her again she turned away.

Shit.

I sighed loudly after she turned a corner. I wanted to punch something. She was so fucking complicated and she had serious "touch" issues. It's as if she was afraid I'd hit her or something.

I went to my locker after I remembered I had a sweater stuffed in the back. I couldn't walk around with a giant blood stain on my shirt looking like a fucking low budget horror movie. I went to the rest of my classes still thinking about Bella and how I should act around her in English class. I knew this was going to take some time, but at the pace this was going I'd have to actually take her to prom to screw her. I couldn't have that.

Imagine Edward fucking Cullen going out with Isabella _fucked up_ Swan. It ain't gonna happen! I wish I had never agreed to do this shit. It sounded like fun at first. I would get money and praise for taking a girl's virginity! Who can say no to that? I thought she would fall for me after just a few smiles and jokes. But Bella isn't having it. She acts as if she thinks I'm going to either hit her or eat her alive. I can't do this shit if she's gonna be so fucking paranoid all the fucking time. _She's making you question yourself? You're a fucking pussy Cullen! Fuck her and get this shit over with._ Ugh. My inner voice is douchier than me sometimes.

As I made my way to English, I decided to flirt with Tanya to get my mind off things. I invited her out for the weekend but the bitch said she might have some shit to do. What the fuck? Then she smiled at me with her usual slutty smile and promised she would get out of whatever it was and come with me. Thankfully, Bella wasn't at her locker to see all that. How would I look trying to convince Tanya to fuck and then asking Bella to do it later? That wouldn't be very "heroic" of me.

I made it to English and smiled to myself when I noticed Bella wasn't there and there were only two seats available...the same ones as the day before. Perfect. As I sat down I felt a little excited. The more time I spent with Bella, the quicker I could convince her. Then Mrs. Morris walked in, closing the door behind her, and started writing on the board. Where the fuck was Bella?

"So class, your _Romeo and Juliet_ assignment is due today," Mrs. Morris said. While she was writing I pulled my paper out of my notebook. The classroom door opened and Bella walked in looking shy as hell with her lower lip between her teeth. She was holding a few notebooks and that other damn book she carries everywhere.

"Ah, Isabella, better late than never. Find a seat and get your _Romeo and Juliet_ assignment ready. I'm going to pick it up in a moment," Mrs. Morris said. Bella just nodded and looked around the room. Her eyes widened and her head went down when she realized the same thing I had earlier. She slowly walked to the seat and sat down. She didn't look as scared as she did yesterday.

She pulled out a paper from her notebook and placed it by her side. She fucking lied to me. She did the assignment. I decided not to take it personally. Maybe she doesn't trust her work or she doesn't like sharing her answers. Whatever!

Mrs. Morris talked for a few minutes about Shakespeare's life. I ignored her. This shit wasn't new and apparently it wasn't for Bella either, because she was busy scribbling away. I didn't know what the fuck she was doing. All I could hear was the sound of her pencil. Mrs. Morris ordered Angela, who again, I didn't know was in this class, to get the R&J assignments for her.

Was it here that Bella told Angela she hated for me for stealing her homework? Angela reached our row of desks and I thought maybe Bella would tell her something, or make some kind of move that would show that they were friends, but I was wrong. When Angela got to Bella's desk there was nothing but the sound of Bella's pencil. Angela made no move to say "hi" to Bella. She just took her paper and then mine. Bella didn't even seem to notice that someone has passed by her. After Angela gave Mrs. Morris the papers she sat back down at her desk.

"Now, class, we have a new project," Mrs. Morris announced. Everyone groaned as the word _project_ left her mouth. "Please don't act so enthused. Anyway, this will be a group project. It will be groups of three. You will work with the people that are sitting closest to you, with some exceptions of course," she said. I almost cheered knowing what that meant. Bella tensed up.

Mrs. Morris informed every one of their groups, and when she got to the last group I was smiling, because I already knew. "As for the last group, Angela Weber I had to put you in this group because you will chatter less," Mrs. Morris, said smiling at Angela as she embarrassed her. "Angela you will work with Isabella and Edward," she said. Not once did Bella turn to look at me. She just kept her head down.

_You're such an asshole Cullen. You enjoy torturing people. What a fucking psychotic piece of shit you are!_ My inner voice is bipolar, just like me. He now wants to save Bella. Fuck him.

Mrs. Morris ordered us to move our desks so that we would be facing each other. She said this would only be a one-week-long project and some other bull shit. Bella tried moving her desk with the one hand that wasn't fucked up, but didn't succeed.

"Let me get it Bella," I said. She slowly moved out of my way. She kept looking down with her hair somewhat in her face and didn't say anything. I moved her desk to face mine and Angela sat on the side of us. "There you go Bella," I said. I was as friendly as I could possibly be but she just nodded. We all sat down and took out our notebooks.

The stupid ass project was to come up with an argument. Who was the one to blame for the tragic end of Romeo and Juliet? We had to point at someone and blame him or her for the shit that went down in the play and back it up with proof and an educated argument about why we were right.

"So..." I said. But Bella kept ignoring me. She was biting her lip and fingering her notebook. She had that other book she always carries sitting next to her arm. Now I could see it was a sketch book. It had the words _Sketch Book_ written in black marker on the cover with a drawing below. At first I thought the drawing was there to begin with, as an example or decoration that was put there just in case the words _Sketch Book _weren't obvious enough. But with a closer look I realized it was real ink. It was hand drawn. Shit. She drew that? It was...it was pretty cool.

Bella snatched the sketch book away and I was caught. She shoved it under her other notebooks. I tried looked at her apologetically, but she didn't even look at me. Seriously, what the fuck am I doing wrong?

"Well, I might as well start," Angela said, pulling me back into reality. "I guess we should all agree on someone to blame and then write our argument." I just nodded and Bella, again, said nothing. "I blame Mercutio. He's just the most annoying character and such a third wheel. I mean what the hell? Did he have some kind of gay crush on Romeo?" She continued. I mentally rolled my eyes at her. "He caused that fight that got him killed, and then Romeo had to avenge his stupid friend and got himself in trouble. If he didn't have such a dumb friend then nothing would have happened. He and Juliet would have ran away together and lived on a farm or something. They would have been happy and together forever," she said. Bella just looked at her and then went back to staring at her notebooks. She was probably mentally rolling her eyes too.

"Well..." I said, faking a stretch. "That was...interesting Angela...really, but I blame Tybalt. I mean what the fuck was his problem? Romeo never did shit to him and his ignorant hate for Romeo and the Montagues blinded him. If he wasn't such a fucking douche bag, thinking he's got the biggest dick, he wouldn't have gotten himself killed and in the process, caused Romeo to be banished from Verona which led Juliet, Tybalt's cousin, to pretend to kill herself, which then led to Romeo's death. We could also blame Romeo for being an impulsive moron. I know he was just fifteen, but shit, couldn't he grow up a little and stop being a pussy about Juliet?" I said, feeling a little proud about my argument. Angela smiled at me and seemed to agree. Then we both looked at Bella.

Bella realized it was her turn and she took a deep breath. Looking down the whole time, she began to talk. "I think this assignment is bull. Why do we have to blame someone? We could spend the whole week coming up with reasons to blame someone and go on and on with 'what ifs' and 'should haves' but the story will still end the same. Mercutio was annoying, and he was also immature and didn't take anything seriously. He got himself killed because of it, but that was just his nature. He didn't have to change for anybody. In a weird way he was Romeo's best friend, but how was he supposed to know that Romeo secretly got married to the enemy and his actions would get him in trouble? Tybalt was just a hot head and was only doing what he thought was right, which was to defend his name against Romeo," she said. She paused to take a breath and I couldn't turn away.

"Romeo was just an innocent. He was innocent, impulsive, young and naive. He thought what we all thought, that his love for Juliet would change the world. It would save him and her from the shit they lived in. Yeah they were both rich snobs, but it didn't mean they were happy. Romeo though he found happiness with Juliet, and he would fight and even kill anyone who got in the way of his love without thinking twice about it. And he did. His impulsiveness got him killed at the end. But that was who he was, young and naive. There is nobody to blame. Shakespeare just made up characters that, if put together in one world, would end each other. Romeo and Juliet were doomed from the start. They knew it. We knew it. William Shakespeare knew it. But their love still happened, and they went on with it, because it was the best damn thing that ever happened to them. Why else would you risk everything to be with your worst enemy? We can't change it now and they wouldn't have changed anything, so why play the blame game?" Bella finally finished and I swear my jaw was on the ground. Angela's mouth was open and I swear she hadn't blinked.

Bella looked up at me and just nodded. "Well...um...uh...I... that's what I think," she said. She went back to looking down at her notebooks.

"That was...good," Angela said. I looked at her like she was stupid, which she fucking was.

"Good? That was fucking amazing. I vote Bella!" I said. Bella whipped her eyes up to meet mine.

"Um...re...rea...really?" She asked. I smiled at her. This was an honest smile. I felt proud of Bella. Chick had some balls.

"Yeah Isabella, that was really good. I think we should use your argument. We would get points for thinking outside the box. I vote Isabella," Angela said.

I began to wonder if they had ever spoken to each other before this. It sure as hell didn't seem like it. Why would Angela fucking call her Isabella if they were friends? And why in the blue fuck would Bella tell her shit about me?

Bella smiled shyly, probably proud of herself, and looked down again. I swear seeing Bella smile is such a rarity that when it happens it catches you off guard. She almost looks different. I almost wanted to take a fucking picture to remember it by.

We spent the rest of the period finding examples and supportive moments in the play that would serve as the foundation of our paper. Bella didn't say much, but once in a while I would ask her for her opinion and she would let it out. She didn't seem as scared to talk to me anymore. I knew I was fucking getting some points with this shit. I felt closer to the light. I had to tell Jasper, Emmett and especially Rosalie so they could get the fuck off my back. Bella will fall into my dazzling arms in no fucking time.

Class ended and as Bella gathered her shit up, I tried to think up an excuse to talk to her again. I decided to just ask her to get together to finish the damn project after school. As Bella walked out of the class and I ran after her.

"Bella!" I called out, but she kept walking through the loud and crowded hall. She kept her head down and walked at a fast pace. "Bella!" I yelled again. Couldn't she fucking hear me? I had to push through some people because they didn't seem to understand that they were in the fucking way. "Bella!" I yelled again. I finally reached her. "Hey Bella!" I said. Shit, she wouldn't turn around, so I decided to do what I thought was logical.

I grabbed her by the arm. The crowd pulled me a little and it made me pull Bella hard by the arm. It wasn't on purpose, I swear. If I had known what was going to happen next, I would have just let her go. I pulled Bella so hard she dropped her shit on the ground and bumped into my chest. She gasped and I think I heard her say "not again" but I wasn't sure.

"I'm sorry I..." I was about to make my apology and excuse when Bella started to shake. She looked fucking scared out of her fucking mind. Her eyes filled with tears.

"Don't touch me!" She screamed. The people passing by stopped to watch. "Don't you ever pull me like that again! Don't touch me. Don't ever touch me!" Bella barked. It was the first time anybody had ever seen her like this. Her watery eyes were full of anger.

"Bella...I'm sorry," I said. I wanted to grab her by the shoulders to calm her down, but she violently pulled away.

"Just keep your hands away! What do you not understand about 'hands away'? Please Edward!" She pleaded. I hadn't noticed, but there was now a crowd around us. I spotted Alice and Jasper watching with their mouths wide open. Alice looked sad and Jasper looked freaked out.

Bella finally noticed the crowd too, and her eyes finally released their tears. She looked around, blushing. She looked paranoid as hell, and fucking scared. Nobody said anything, moved or made any sound. It was complete silence. Bella's eyes wandered around one last time and then she wiped away her tears. She quickly picked her shit up and stood.

"I'm...I uh...um I'm sorry," she whispered. She turned and left, pushing her way through the crowd.

I looked around. Everyone was still staring at me like I had done something wrong."What the fuck are you looking at, shitheads?" I barked. Everyone started to disperse back to whatever the fuck it was that they were doing. I stood frozen in the same place, not knowing what the fuck just happened. I guess I'm back to step one with Bella. I sighed angrily.

After the hall cleared, Alice walked over to me. "Edward lets go," she said. I looked down at her and I just nodded. Before I could follow her, I noticed there was a piece of paper under one of the lockers. I knelt down and grabbed it. It was a drawing of a large hand with a small girl sitting right in the middle of it. It looked like the same drawing Jasper and I had found on the outside wall of the school, except the weeds on this drawing were thicker and the girl was wearing a short sleeved shirt and shorts. She had bruises on her arms and legs, especially on her arms. It was drawn with a pencil, not a marker. The girl still hid behind her hair and still had her arms wrapped around her legs. Everything was amazingly sketched, from the shading to the painful detail of the girl's bruises. It made me wince.

"Who drew that?" Alice asked. I hadn't even noticed she was looking at it too. "It's sad..." she said. I just nodded. "Whoever drew it is pretty talented though," she said as she started to walk away. "Come on Edward, lets go." I looked at the corner of the drawing.

"_B" _

Shit.

It wouldn't take a genius to figure it out. Now I know what "B" stands for. I folded the drawing and put it in my pocket.

On the ride home, I decided to let Emmett drive my Volvo. I didn't feel like driving. It was a good thing my siblings had decided to ride with me today. I sat in the back seat while Emmett and Alice said nothing. I was grateful for their silence as I didn't want to hear about how weird Bella had acted. She has some serious issues.

"_Hemophobia is an extreme fear or phobia of blood. Its common, many people have it... It's not weird, Edward. Everyone is scared of something. Some are just more scared than others."_

Issue number one. I took out my phone and Googled _Hemophobia._

_Hemophobia:_ _A fear of blood. Cause of this phobia can be genetic or caused by a traumatic childhood experience involving blood or blood loss._

I turned my phone off.


	7. Tired

**Thanks to lizde for looking over what I call writing :) **

**Warning: For Violence **

_Ch7/Bella/Tired_

"_She's scared of gays?"_

What?

"_That's just weird."_

Huh? _Really_? What the hell?

"_It's not weird, Edward. Everyone is scared of something."_

Ok, why are the school nurse and Edward, of all people, in my dreams? And I'm not scared of gay people! I would have rolled my eyes if I was awake. I mean I had to be asleep. All I saw was darkness and random memories mixed with the things I've done in the past few days mixed with the movie _Beetlejuice_. I knew I shouldn't have watched that damn movie. But that was a few days ago! Stop already!

The voices stopped and I felt myself relax. Beetlejuiceand Winona Ryder finally disappeared.

Some people say we remember things while we're asleep and we confuse the memories with dreams. But I'm not confused. I know I'm remembering. Some of the memories are dark. Some are so damn frightening that I wake up soaked in sweat and with my heart rate through the roof. But not all the dreams and memories are dark. That's shocking considering my luck. But I guess someone upstairs wants to give me a break once in a while. He likes to return me to happier times in my sleep. I just wonder why he can't do that for me while I'm awake.

_I'm five and Jake is three. We're playing in the mud. Why they let us do that in the first place I have no idea. Renee was probably trying to be a "modern mom," letting her kid do whatever she wanted. I can still taste the mud as Jacob fed it to me._

_"__Bella! I think you've had enough mud pie for one day young lady," __my mother said as she took me in her arms, pulling me out of the puddle of mud. She quickly put me down. A five year old isn't light. She took me by the muddy hand and Jacob by the muddier hand and led us to the bathroom._

I still remember the gentle scrubbing on my young skin, and my mother's gentle humming. I can still see the look on her face as she washed my hair and the hint of determination in her green eyes as she tried to wash off the mud. That was when she cared. That was when my mother would have defended me from the evil mud monsters. Why didn't she? Why doesn't she now? Is it because I'm not a cute five-year-old anymore?

I wish I was young again. Those were the days. Before my mother became a bitter and depressed version of herself and before my parents decided they hated each other. Before _He _added drinking to his bad temper. Before that _night_...

"_Poor girl," _I heard Suzy say from far away.

I'm tired. I'm tired of being the _poor girl_.

_My mother dries my brown curls and wraps the pink towel around me. She grabs the towel and pulls me toward her and kisses my cheeks. I smile at her._

I don't know what I did wrong. Dreams are crazy.

_Now, I'm standing and I'm almost as tall as my mother and fully dressed. Her smile fades and she walks away. I call after her, but she ignores me. Now I'm being carried through the woods behind the school...by Edward._

These are weird dreams...

_He holds me close to his warm chest and I can feel and smell him._

_"Edward you damn fool. You ruined everything. You ruined it. I wanna go back to my first memory-slash-dream. Besides I don't want _you_to hold me like this. You ruined it. It was supposed to be _my_ Edward. I wanted it to be _my_ Edward's chest I felt against my cheek," I mumbled. _

I looked up at him. This was totally a dream. I would never have the balls to look Edward in the face with him so close to me.

_He looked down at me and gave me that stupid dazzling, crooked, over used smile that...I love._

_"Oh Isabella..."_

_"Don't call me that."_

_"You're bleeding," he said, smiling. _

What the hell? Why is he smiling about it? It's just a dream. Wait, blood? Is it possible to pass out while being passed out?

_"Blood?"_

_"Yes," he answered._

_"I hate blood. I hate its color. I hate its nasty smell and how it feels running down my skin. How it's so warm and thick. I hate how it feels in my eyes. I hate how it stains my skin and how it turns brown. I hate it."_

_"I know," he said, lowly._

_"Shut up. No you don't. Nobody knows. Not even _him_."_

I don't know how much longer Edward carried me in silence through the woods in a melancholy mood. I guessed I ruined the mood in my own dream. It happens.

I suddenly smelled coffee mixed with the smell of band-aids and heard the wheels of a chair rolling around.

Shit.

I forced my eyes open. Well I tried. At first I only opened my eyes wide enough to let some light in, but then closed them. My brain was pounding against my skull. I placed a hand on my head. Why do people do that? Like your hand will make the pain go away. Stupid. Nothing ever takes the pain away. I sighed and dropped my hand to my side. I felt a presence in the room and I could hear someone moving around. I turned to face the presence and opened my eyes.

I had to be dreaming.

A pair of green eyes stared back at me. I stared at him for a moment as if looking at him for a long time would finally convince me that Edward Cullen was really staring at me. He _was_ looking back at me, and the look on his face made no sense. It was as if he was worried or maybe just thoughtful. Those words don't go with Edward. That's not him. He is a jackass and a douche bag. His stare for me would be one of confusion, or dislike, even hate. That, I would expect from him, but not this. Not this look of worry for me. I know it's for me. I'm the only fool lying on this bed. I'm the weak one.

I closed my eyes again, rubbing them with my good hand and sighing loudly. I really needed to wake up already. I opened my eyes again and yep, there he was. Still.

"Edward?" My voice didn't sound attractive, but he didn't seem to notice. He just smiled at me.

_I love that smile. _

_You hate him remember?_

I do. Okay, no I don't. But if tomorrow Edward and his family of perfectness moved away from Forks, let's just say I wouldn't cry or beg him to stay.

"Bella..." As his perfect angel carved lips said my name I was snapped back to reality.

"Edward?" I sat up and I quickly realized that that was a bad idea as the pounding in my head got even worse. "Shit…what…what happened?" I slammed my hands on the bed as I talked. Another bad move. My hand stung and reminded me of yet another of my many weaknesses.

Wait, I was asleep in a room with Edward? I talk in my sleep. Did he hear anything? What is he doing here? What is he planning? I shouldn't look him in the eye or stare back at that stupid stare of his. It will be my doom.

"I found you out in the hall and you passed out. I carried you here...to the nurse," Edward said quietly. He seemed worried. Why?

"Are you okay? Are you feeling better? You didn't look too good," he said. I ignored his comment about not looking too good and realized Edward _had_ carried me. It wasn't just a dream.

"You carried me here?" I was embarrassed. I should really stop showing my weakness to the enemy. I will lose in battle. I'm not a good soldier. I already know it. Why the hell is Edward freaking snob/douche bag Cullen still here? Why did he carry me? He would have left me where he found me if this was a normal day. I have to stop being pathetic and get back to staying away from him. I seem to fail miserably at that.

"Yes. You had me worried shitless," he said, and he smiled at me again. He was probably thinking that he could buddy up to me. Why? I don't know and I don't intend to find out. He has spent the last six years of my school life making sure I know that I only exist for him when he wants to make his friends laugh with jokes about me. I, being the center of those jokes, am always aware of him. I always avoid him and I plan to continue that way. I looked down at my lap trying not to look at him.

"Oh..." I simply said. I didn't want to give him an opening, or make him think that I was cool with him and he was cool with me and we're best friends forever now.

_No._

My determination to keep my distance from Edward seemed to work as his smile faded with my coldness and indifference. He seemed frustrated. _Sorry Ed, you dazzle all the girls and you might dazzle me sometimes, but I don't trust you._ _I'm weak, but not stupid._

Plus, besides being utterly ashamed of what landed me in the nurse's small and broken down office, I was now in deep shit. I had just noticed that Edward's shirt was stained with my blood. I could feel the heat of embarrassment behind my ears and my heart started pounding against my chest.

Edward won't like that I ruined his shirt. It was probably worth more than all my clothes put together and he will probably ask that I pay for it. I don't have any money. _He _barely gives me enough money to eat! I'm in deep shit! I fought back my tears of frustration. I can't cry now.

"I'm so sorry!" I choked out, looking at Edward's stain.

"Why are you sorry?" He asked. He furrowed his eyebrows in confusion and then followed my gaze to the stain. His eyes widened and his mouth opened a little. He rapidly blinked a few times.

_Please don't yell...please don't be mad..._

I could feel my heart race.

"I'm sorry I ruined your shirt. I'm just...I um...uh...I'm so stupid," I said. God damn I am! I looked down, ready to hear it. I was ready take it. I'm full of shit; I'm never ready to take it. But I do.

"Bella, don't worry. It's just a shirt. I seriously don't care. If I did I would have noticed the stain earlier. Now, _I'm_ fucking stupid. How can I miss a giant ass stain on my shirt?" He chuckled, which strangely soothed my fear a little, but at the same time worried me. What the hell? This isn't normal! I wish he would just yell at me and demand a repayment of some kind so we could get this over with.

I said nothing. I think I was still waiting for him to explode and yell at me. I wonder if the veins and the artery in Edward's neck pop out when he is angry, or if he spits saliva or throws random shit around or at the people he's mad at. I wonder if he has rough hands or if his grip would be tight and painful. I wonder if he pushes hard. I pray to god he doesn't.

_Please… don't be like HIM._

"Where are my glasses?" I asked when I noticed that I couldn't read the poster I was staring at. I'm such an idiot, I barely noticed that I couldn't see. I squinted and started trying to look around to find them. As if that ever worked! Edward seemed to realize what I was doing and he quickly stood up and grabbed something from a nearby table and handed it to me.

"Here, I hope they're alright," he said, and handed me my glasses. They were okay, just a little dirty from where I had touched the lenses. I cleaned them with my shirt. I was too self conscious with Edward next to me to fog them up with my breath first, so I didn't. I heard people think that's gross. But hey, it works, and I like to see thank you very much! But for some reason I can't have Edward thinking I'm nasty.

I put them on, but kept my head down. I could still see the stain on Edward's shirt from the corner of my eye.

"I'm sorry again about your shirt. I'll pay you back. I don't know how, but I will," I said.

"Bella, seriously stop apologizing for a fucking shirt! I'll be fine!" Edward yelled. As his voice hit that high pitch my body instinctively jumped. It was as if it was trained to know what it meant when someone yells unexpectedly and in such a high voice. It was ready take the pain.

I jumped and flinched so roughly that I felt the bed under me move. I could feel my body shake a little and it became so difficult to breathe that my lungs burned. My skin was red hot and my mouth was dry.

I'm tired of feeling like this. I'm tired of my body flinching so violently at any sudden movement or any movement at all. It hurts sometimes. It hurts all the time. I'm tired of always being on the lookout, just in case I've done or said something _He_ didn't like. I'm tired of always having to watch my back. I'm just tired.

I could feel Edward staring at me. He wasn't going to hit me. Of course not.

_You're just a paranoid mess!_

I chewed on my lower lip. I had probably freaked Edward out. Maybe he'll stay away from me now seeing as I'm such a freak. I hope.

"I'm...uh...um...I'm sorry. I'm...I have to go to class," I said. He gently placed a hand under my arm to help me down. I let him and didn't flinch, because a normal girl would let him. A normal girl would smile at him and thank him. A normal girl wouldn't be scared of this simple and nice gesture. I couldn't react like this when he grabbed me earlier because I had let my defenses down, but this time I was ready. See...I'm not normal.

I could feel his warm hand under my elbow. I could feel a chill in my spine. His hand under my elbow caused a weird tingle that made my wounded hand hurt. I bit down harder on my lip. If he grabs me a little higher up the arm I think I will make my lip bleed. More blood isn't good.

He let go of my arm and I took a silent deep breath, not wanting to freak him out any more than I already had. "Thanks," I said quietly, hoping he heard me. I did my best to avoid looking up at him.

"No problem Bella," he said as I headed for the door. On my way down the hall I turned to see if he was still looking at me and he was. I quickly looked away. I walked to my next class, looking for a clock to see what period I had to go to next. I had no idea what time it was. I could feel Edward staring at me like I was a circus freak. I'm sure he and his pack of "perfect" friends will use this against me some day.

My next class period was art. Luckily my stupid injury happened to my useless left hand and not my drawing hand. Art is my home. Though I hate the class and the people in it, art is the only thing I know how to do.

I sit in the back of the class and Mr. Freeman doesn't get mad, the way the other teachers do, when I ignore the class and draw all period. Sometimes, when he's in a bad mood, he complains that the school district "doesn't give a hoot" about his art program. But I still like him better than the other teachers. Yes, I did steal a carving knife from him, and some expensive professional drawings pencils, but I'm sure if he knew why he wouldn't mind. He would encourage me. I think.

I do have to put up with immature, close minded morons who laugh at drawings of naked people and judge paintings that aren't "pretty" or that "don't make sense." But in return, nobody bothers me. Alice Cullen _is_ in the class, but she sits with Angela Weber on the other side of the room so I'm not bothered by her presence.

Nobody asked what happened to my hand or why I was late. I forgot to get a pass, and I wasn't going to run the chance of bumping into Edward again, so I just told Mr. Freeman that I was late from lunch. He shook his head and said nothing.

As I walked to my desk in the back, I caught Alice stating at me. Why do the Cullens have staring problems? Though Alice's stare is softer and friendlier, I don't really like it. I don't want her to look at me, period. I want her and her stupid brothers to leave me alone. She went back to talking to Angela who, like everyone else, never says anything to me. I went to my desk and drew for the rest of the class period. With a pen I drew on my bandage. I wonder if, when I heard Suzy's voice in my dreams, that it was really her. What was she talking about with Edward?

_Probably about how pathetic you are Swan._

I mentally flipped my inner voice off and continued to draw. When the class period was over I grabbed my stuff and before I could make it out the door, Mr. Freeman stopped me. "Oh Bella, can you come to my desk for a moment?"

Mr. Freeman tries too hard to be the cool teacher. He's the only one that acknowledges that I'd rather be called Bella. I'm grateful for it. I hate _Isabella_.

I walked to his desk and he smiled at me. He took a blue ribbon out of his desk and handed it to me.

"What is it?" I asked. Duh a ribbon.

"I thought an artist like you would recognize a ribbon when she sees it," he said, smiling. I fought the urge to roll my eyes. "It's a prize."

"A prize?"

"Yes! I hope you don't get mad Bella, but I took the liberty of entering one of your drawings into the Port Angeles Young Art Celebration Contest at the art museum," he said, all proud of himself.

I should be furious. Pissed. That shit is mine. But then, it _was_ nice of him to think that one of my drawings would be good enough to win. I just stared at the ribbon like it was something strange. I mean I guess I should be happy, it did say _Bella Swan First Place: Pencil Sketch. _Mr. Freeman chuckled.

"If you still don't get it Bella, you won. It came with a plaque, but..."

"A plaque?" Now I was shocked. It was just a pencil sketch for god's sakes! He chuckled again.

"Yes, but they are getting that one ready for the art display they are having in two months. You're going to accept it in person, right?"

_Well Father won't let me go even if it's a good thing, but to make you happy..._

"Yeah! Definitely..." I managed to say. I was lying of course, but I didn't want to hear a speech about how it would be good for me to go and bad if I didn't. I kept staring at the damn ribbon. I couldn't help but be proud. "I've never won anything," I said and he just smiled.

"Well this is just the beginning."

I looked at him confused. He took what looked like pamphlets out of his desk. "The judges gave me these to give to you," he said. I gently took them from his ink stained hands. He always had his hands stained with some kind ink. A true artist... I guess.

My mouth fell open and I fought back tears. Why did I wanna cry? I'm so pathetic. It's not as if Father would let me apply.

"They're art schools?" I asked. He smiled again.

"Yes Bella. The judge's panel consisted of a few art school directors from the west coast and they wanted me to give you these. They want you to go their schools Bella! They have all these scholarships you can apply for."

I couldn't help but feel warmed by Mr. Freeman's enthusiasm. He actually thought I was good enough for those fancy schools? Those fancy art people thought the same?

He_ won't think you're good enough. _He_ doesn't think you're good enough._

"Um...I...don't know what to say. I mean I wasn't even thinking about..."

"Don't say those disgusting words. Of course you were thinking about college! Bella you're better than this damn shithole town," he said. His curse words caught me off guard, but I kept staring at the pamphlet. "You are _way _more talented at this stuff than I am dammit! Don't waste this opportunity. But I will tell you something. I was looking at your grades from your other classes. Bella, they love good artists at these schools, but they also want you to be good at the other boring stuff too. Please, the school year is a few months away from being over. You're a "C" average right now. I know you can at least get to B's in those classes! Please Bella, I know you can do it!"

I hid the pamphlets inside a notebook and went to my next class, feeling a little bit positive. It felt weird. It's like a negative cloud always follows me around, but there I was actually thinking that I might have the chance to actually do something with myself. Mom would support me, but she would cry about it. I don't wanna see her cry or feel bad about herself. She always talks about school or "what could've been" and I'm tired of hearing it. Father would never let me go. He won't even let me get a job. I certainly can't tell him. He'll probably get so mad at my audacity that he'll...

I shudder at the thought.

I don't have any friends to share my excitement with. Excitement is just like sadness, if you don't share it with anyone, it'll eat you alive.

During my next class, we had a sub that played a movie for us. I decided to do my English assignment. It was dark because the lights were off, but I did just fine with the light from the TV screen. I wasn't doing so great in English. If I was going to get any better at the boring subjects I might as well start now. Maybe if I get A's I'll get some kind of scholarship or something that will help me pay for school and housing. That way I won't have to ask Father to let me go. I could make it on my own.

The thought of going to warm California away from this town and everyone else made me smile. I haven't smiled at myself for a long time.

_Nobody will call you names there or threaten you. Nobody will make you scared, because nobody will know you. You'll be brand new._

I asked my next teacher for all my missing assignments and she said something about how "it was about time" and how "excited" she was. I couldn't believe all the crap I was behind in. I had a lot of homework. I spent the whole class working on some old papers I had to do. I was so caught up that I didn't even realize the class was over and that I was running late for English.

As I made my way to my locker, the hall started to clear and I suddenly found myself alone. I opened my locker and started getting my stuff for English when I heard footsteps coming towards me. They were high heels.

"So Jessica, me and Rose are in deep shit with our parents. Can you believe that fuckery?" Tanya said, standing on my right. She was so close I could smell her mint gum and expensive perfume. Tanya laid her head against the locker that was beside me. I felt another body's heat on my left.

"Really Tanya? Why?" Jessica asked, faking shock, and she rested her head against the locker to my left. She popped her gum. I jumped a little and they giggled. I froze. I looked into my locker, not daring to look at them.

"Some..." Tanya put her face next to my ear, my heart started racing and I could feel a cold sweat starting. "Some bitchhhhhh..." Tanya extended the "ch" and I could feel her cool minty breath in my ear. I shivered. I held my breath. I couldn't breathe and my hands were sweaty. My skin felt hot and I could feel my heartbeat in my throat.

_Do something! Tell them to fuck off, Swan!_

I couldn't. My mouth was dry and my useless body wouldn't move. It knows when it's in trouble. My mind and my body do what they do every time this happens. What they always do when they feel threatened. They shut down. They pretend we're not in this mess. They pretend it won't hurt. But it does...every time.

"Some _little bitch_ snitched on us," she finished.

"Who's the bitch?" Jessica asked.

"You'll see when Rose comes back. I don't wanna ruin Rose's fun! But, I hope..." Tanya ran a finger across my arm and I stayed still. I was shaking on the inside, trying to hold it in. I couldn't let them see. I could feel the vibrations of fear run through my body and hit my heart. It was painful.

"I hope she watches her back. I kinda' feel bad for her. But then again, she snitched on us, so she deserves it," Tanya said, and she loudly popped her gum. "Until Rose comes back, I hope the little bitch enjoys her pathetic life!" She slammed my locker shut and shoved her shoulder into me. I held in my gasp. I had to stop myself from hitting the locker face first by placing my hands in front of me. I winced as my wounded hand hit the metal.

Jessica and Tanya giggled and walked away. I didn't move until I couldn't hear their high heels anymore. With shaky hands I reopened my locker, and grabbed my English notebooks and my sketch book. I stopped at the restroom and washed my face, trying to erase any signs of all the stupid fear. Edward was in my next class and I couldn't let him see me being weak.

I made it to class late, ruining my plan to start fresh in English today. At least I did my homework. Mrs. Morris welcomed me in with a snarky comment. Things just kept getting worse. Besides having to sit in front of Edward, who kept smiling at me, I was now in a group project with him and Angela, his sister's friend. Someone must really want me to turn suicidal.

Edward helped me move my desk to face his and Angela's. I thought nothing about it. He just wants to get this project over with as much as I do. I thanked him and hoped this class period would fly.

The project was ridiculous and there was no need to be in groups. I hate teachers who make up group projects. Don't they know I'll always be left out and that I'll have to put up with kids that don't want me in their group because I'm not their friend? Either they'll do all the work and won't involve me or give me credit, or they'll make me do everything and still not give me credit. I hate Mrs. Morris.

I said nothing. The little encounter with the Whore Gang shot down my high hopes and enthusiasm. I'll try again tomorrow.

_Fucking Swan!_

My inner voice is sometimes a braless white trash lady that smokes cheap cigarettes and curses like its vomit coming out of her mouth. She's not very attractive.

Angela started talking and I listened to her argument for who was to blame for Romeo and Juliet's tragic ending. Angela had the typical answer, but I don't blame her. Mercutio _was_ a pain in the ass character, but I have a soft spot for him.

Edward didn't look amused by Angela. I wanted to smile at the look on his face, but I kept it in. He blamed Tybalt and Romeo. Who blames Romeo? He used a curse word every other word to make his argument. I'm not sure Shakespeare had the words "big dick" and "pussy" in mind when describing his characters, but what do I know?

After Edward was done making his argument, they both stayed silent. I knew I had to say something. So I just said what was on my mind. Why I hate and love Romeo and Juliet. I babbled really. After I was done, I felt sort of embarrassed. I'm such an idiot. I always have to get political about crap. Why couldn't I just answer normally? I should've blamed the Nurse, that back stabber, but that's not what I think.

The group was silent again. I looked up at Edward who was just staring at me. I wasn't sure what the look on his face was about. His mouth was hanging open. He was probably appalled that I had talked so much.

"Well...um...uh...I... that's what I think," I said. I wanted to face palm myself, because obviously that's what I think or I wouldn't have babbled it.

"That was...good," Angela said.

"Good? That was fucking amazing. I vote Bella!" Edward said excitedly, with a stupid smile on his face. I was relieved, shocked and proud. Having all those feeling bouncing around inside me at the same time wasn't safe, but I couldn't help it.

"Um...re...rea...really?" My voice broke. It betrayed me.

"Yeah Isabella, that was really good. I think we should use your argument. We would get points for thinking outside the box. I vote Isabella," Angela said nicely. She smiled at me. I smiled back at her, but she had turned away before she could see it. I looked down at my books, feeling a little overwhelmed. It's silly really. I do what seems to be a good thing for once and I feel over-accomplished. I'm pathetic.

It was weird feeling like part of a group, so I stayed silent the rest of the class period. Edward tried his hardest to engage me in the project. I appreciated it, and silently thanked him, but I didn't trust his intentions. I just don't trust him, period.

Class finally ended, reminding me of Tanya and her Whore Gang. I hoped they weren't waiting for me. I was going to have to run through the hall. A sudden tension and stress came over me. I didn't want to bump into them. I rushed out of class, dodging people in the crowded hall. I made it my mission to get out of school as fast as possible.

"Bella!" I heard someone yell. I couldn't risk looking back. It was probably Tanya or Jessica or even Lauren.

I walked faster, trying to get away from the school. But I'm 5 foot 4 with short legs, and that doesn't help when everyone else is taller than me. I could almost feel Tanya and her tall 5 foot 10 stature closing in on me.

"Bella!" I heard again. "Bella!" By the third time I recognized that it was Edward.

What does he want? I couldn't stop though. I saw a blonde headed girl pass me, and a few kids started shouting and laughing loudly, which made me nervous.

"Hey Bella!" I could barely hear my name what with the loud laughter and screaming. I was almost at the doors. A feeling of relief washed over me, but before I could reach the doors, someone grabbed me. I felt his large hand wrap around my arm. He pulled on me hard...so hard it hurt and burned all the way up to my armpit. As the muscle was pulled, my body quickly recognized the feeling and the tingling pain.

_Please...don't. Not again. It reminds me...I hate remembering. I remember each bruise and how I got each and every one of them. I can hear my mother crying. She cries for herself and for me. She does nothing as I hurt. I can feel his spit as he yells and his rough hands..._

He pulled me by the arm and I smacked into his chest, hard. It was just like when _He _pulls me around. I dropped my books on the floor and gasped at the pain and the sudden, rough contact with his chest.

I hate it. It hurts. I hate hurting. I do it all the time.

How dare he?

A rush of anger, pure hate and aggravation ran through my body and it violently shook me. I almost broke apart. I pulled away and turned to see Edward looking at me...scared.

"I'm sorry I..." he stammered. I didn't want to hear more of his bullshit. I was so fucking pissed that I could feel myself shaking and my skin turning red. I don't like to be touched or pulled. _He _does it every time he's in a bad mood and I'm tired of it! Why did Edward have to pull me? Who the hell does he think he is? Why can't they leave me alone?

"Don't touch me!" I screamed, causing the people passing by to stop. I ignored them. I could feel my eyes fill with water. UGH! I can't even fight without feeling my damn weakness kick in. "Don't you ever pull me like that again! Don't touch me. Don't ever touch me!" I yelled. He flinched back. I made Edward flinch? I didn't feel bad. Something small inside of me cheered. It was very small and the feeling went away quickly.

"Bella...I'm sorry," Edward said. He sounded honest, but it looked like he was about to touch my shoulders, and I pulled roughly away. He widened his eyes and a look of shock mixed with a bit of fear flashed across his face.

_Now you fucking do something?_

"Just keep your hands away! What do you not understand about 'hands away'? Please Edward!"

I started to feel guilty. I was still aggravated at him, but I realized I was taking it all out on Edward. My frustration with Tanya and her stupid friends, _Him_, and my fear of Edward Cullen had all finally exploded. Edward hadn't done anything wrong. I'm so stupid.

I looked around and realized that everyone was staring at us in silence, waiting for me to make my next crazy outburst. I felt a flash of embarrassment and my tears finally fell down my cheeks. I need to get out of there. I quickly picked up my stuff and stood up, looking at Edward's feet.

"I'm...I uh...um I'm sorry," I said. I meant it. Even though I'm not on Team Edward, he didn't deserve my paranoid outburst. He didn't deserve to be freaked out by my crazy self.

I quickly turned away and headed for the doors, pushing my way through the crowd. It wasn't too hard. Everyone got out of my way pretty fast. They probably think craziness is contagious.

I ran to my truck and wasted no time in getting out of the parking lot. I held in my tears on the ride home. I wouldn't even allow myself the luxury of crying, the luxury of release. I didn't play music either. I just sped my way home in silence.

I'm crazy. I know it. Coming to terms with your own insanity isn't thrilling. It's so disappointing. It's as if you have been proven wrong and you realize you've been a fool for all your life. You've fooled yourself, which is worse than someone else fooling you. I'm not right in the mind. I know that. But I can't help it. I can't help being the way I am and I'm tired of it. I wish I was someone else. I wish I could get rid of this bruised body and this weak and equally bruised mind. I want to be someone else, someone who isn't scared. I hate having my guard up all the time. It's exhausting and I don't think my battered body can take it much longer.

I have no idea how I got home or how I made it without crashing. I wasn't even paying attention to where I was going. While my mind wandered around and I drowned in the realization that I'm insane, my hands led the way to my house.

Instinctively I sighed in relief when I saw that my mother's blue pickup truck and Father's police cruiser were not in the driveway. After I wiped my feet on the mat in front of the door, I walked into the kitchen looking for something to eat. I found some noodles and decided it would be good enough. I was starving. The loss of blood and the paranoia attack I suffered in school were enough to drain every bit of energy I had. I ate my noodles as quickly as I could, burning my tongue in the process. I wanted to get out of the kitchen before Father or Mother got home and decided they weren't in a good mood. I didn't want to be in their line of sight if that happened.

I took my school work to my room, closing the door behind me. I changed out of my school clothes, which always included my green sweater and a pair of loose worn out jeans. When I was about to jump on my bed to start on my homework I noticed an envelope partially hidden under my pillow. I grabbed it and smiled when I realized who the sender was.

_Jacob Black_

I opened the envelope so fast I accidently tore the letter a little.

_Dear Bells,_

_Well I'm hurt. You haven't written back._

I'd forgotten. Great, I forgot to write to the only friend I have.

_It's ok though, you must be busy finishing you senior year, you old dog! Well my dad is making good money and gave me the okay to tell you the news since its official! In a few weeks we'll be moving back to Forks!_

I almost fainted, puked, screamed and jumped around all at the same time. I felt tears running down my cheeks. I'm so pathetic, but I couldn't help it. My best friend, my only friend, is coming back! Jake is coming back!

_I'm so excited to see my pack from the rez and especially you, amiga! I've missed ya like you just don't know! I've got friends over here in New Mexico, but no chick friends. To be honest you're better fun. Yeah I know, I'm sweet. Hope you haven't changed your nerdy ways and still like to play video games 'cuz I sure do! Have you seen Leah or Paul? How 'bout Sam? They write back, but every time I ask for you in a letter or by phone they change the subject or don't answer! I know calling you wouldn't be a good idea since Papa Evil won't give you a cell phone and he don't like me very much. Maybe I can e-mail ya?_

_Love ya Bells,_

_Jake_

_P.S. Write me back already. At least tell me you're excited that I'm coming home and that you still wanna hang with me so I won't be so ass hurt!_

I quickly grabbed a pen and a sheet of paper. I started writing as if I wrote fast enough it would get back to him just as fast. I started telling Jake about how behind I was in school. I told him about art class and how I was thinking about going to art school and how I haven't seen Leah, Paul or Sam. I skipped the part about how I hadn't seen them since he left...since _it _happened. I told him I didn't have an e-mail address because I just didn't care, but I would get one for him. I was so busy writing away with a smile on my face that I ignored the sounds of a vehicle pulling in to our driveway and the door opening. I ignored the heavy boot sounds coming up the stairs. I forgot to lock my door.

The door flew open hitting the wall. It made some of my drawings fall off the wall and I jumped high off the bed. I gasped, throwing my homework, Jake's letter and my own letter on the floor. My heart started pounding and I stopped breathing when I saw _Him. _He stood in the doorway, still in his cop uniform. His face was calm and unbothered, but he looked tired...

"You parked on top of the fucking water hose! My fucking water hose!" He barked. The artery in his neck popped out and his pale skin, which I inherited, turned red, sweaty red. The hairs on my arms and on the back of my neck stood up. I think I forgot to breathe and blink. I could feel chills run through my body, shaking me. The right side of my body started to shake. I grabbed my bed sheets trying to stop my shaking...trying to hold myself together. _He'll probably just ask you to move your truck, calm down._

"That piece of shit truck of yours is ruining my water hose. You'll fucking move it! I know you will Isabella, because if you don't, I swear to fucking satan that broken hose will meet your fucking skin," he said calmly. I could feel the tears building in my eyes and my lungs burning for air. His calmness was so much more terrifying that his violent outbursts. It gave you a false sense of hope. It's just inhuman. "After you do that, I want a sandwich. Your fucking mother isn't here. That bitch. She found a damn book club! Can you believe that shit? Your mom thinks she can be smart!" He said, chuckling darkly. "She's just like you. So fucking stupid! What the fuck is she gonna know about some damn books? She should be here feeding me! But I'll let her. Can't have people thinking that Chief Swan don't let his wife do nothin'," he said. I didn't move. I was afraid that any movements would set him off. He tapped his foot. With each tap I counted down.

I knew what was coming, my stupid, stupid body didn't move. He stared at me and I stared back. I swear I peed myself a little. I could feel my teeth rattling. I took a deep breath and in that moment he violently went towards me and I didn't scream. I don't scream anymore. I've lost my voice. My throat is dry.

He grabbed me by the arm and pulled me off the bed.

"When the fuck do you plan on moving, Isabella? I'll have to move you like a retarded child!" He barked. I almost lost my footing as he pulled me towards the stairs. Father was 6 foot 6 and I was 5 foot 4. I lost every time. I could feel his rough hands and fingers cutting into my arm as he pulled me down the stairs. It hurt. I'm sure it did. But I wasn't there. I was numb. I let him. It would hurt later. I would replay it later in my mind.

His long legs skipped a few stairs on the way down and my knees felt the pressure when I landed. I didn't dare moan in pain or gasp. He threw me, letting go of my arm and I landed against a kitchen chair hitting my stomach on the edge of it. I winced. He mumbled something and took his boots off, grabbed a beer and sat on his couch. I ran outside, not bothering to put on a jacket or shoes, and with shaky hands, moved my truck.

I ran back inside and made Father a sandwich. _No mustard...no mustard...no mustard...no mustard..._ I took him the sandwich and as he snatched it from my shaky hands I jumped again. I said nothing.

I ran back to my room and this time made sure to lock my door. I stood with my back against it waiting for my heart to slow and for my breathing to return to normal. My shaking stopped. I picked up my stuff off the floor, tear drops hitting the papers like rain drops on the hood of my truck. I grabbed a pamphlet off the floor and stared at it for a long time.

_I have to get out of here._

I spent the rest of the night finishing my homework and all my missing assignments. I finished writing my letter to Jacob, not bothering to finish what I was talking about in the earlier paragraph. _He_ ruined it.

I went to bed rethinking what had happened. I played and played and played the same images in my mind. Cursing myself for my lack of self defense and balls! But I didn't cry. I swear I didn't cry.

In the morning, I woke up with a very sore arm. My shoulder was killing me. While I was taking a shower I noticed the now purple bruises on my arm and stomach. They were there, blending in with the others.

I got another bandage for my hand, because the one I had was now black and dirty. I got dressed and put on my _long sleeved_ and extra baggy green sweater before running downstairs. I made sure Father's cruiser wasn't parked outside. It wasn't. I sighed and ran to my truck, trying to avoid my mother. Another sigh.

After dropping my letter to Jake in the mail box, I left for school. When I got there, besides the embarrassment from all the stares I got in the hall, I felt a sense of accomplishment, since I had all my school work done. I grabbed what I needed from my locker for my first few classes. The less I came to my locker, the fewer possibilities there were of bumping into Tanya. I'd rather carry all that heavy stuff around then deal with her.

I turned in all my homework and asked for any missing papers. My teachers for some reason acted really happy when I did that.

Most people ignored me as usual. Others would look at me and then quickly look away. I was thinking about skipping lunch and even English. I didn't want to face Edward. When lunch period arrived, I put my stuff back in my locker. I decided to skip lunch and go to the back building. I had to check if my knife was still there. I had to finish what I was carving, I just had to.

It was a cool day, but dry, as dry as it could get in Washington. After a few minutes of walking outside, the cold started to get to me. I could feel the pain in my cheeks, but I ignored it. I finally made it to my tree and smiled when I found that my knife was still on the ground, buried a little under the dirt. It had small blood stains on it so I wiped it off with a leaf.

I had just started to carve when I heard footsteps. _Shit...I'm caught!_ I quickly put the knife away.

"Bella?" I heard his velvety voice behind the tree. _Seriously?_

"Bella is that you?" He asked again, and finally found me behind the tree.

I swear Edward Cullen is pure beauty. His flushed cheeks contrasted so beautifully with his green eyes. It emphasized his cheek bones and amazing jaw. Strangely Edward is the only beautiful thing in my life, even though he's so evil.

"Bella what are you doing out here in the freezing cold?" he asked. He was staring at me and he looked upset. Not scary upset like _Him._ More like mom upset when I'm not wearing a sweater in the cold. "Aren't you cold?" He asked.

"Duh," I said it before I thought about it. I quickly looked away. What does he want? Doesn't he hate me more already? I sort of humiliated him yesterday and he thinks I got him suspended.

I heard him chuckle.

"Well, that is a dumb question," he said lightly. I looked up at him. He smiled at me and I...I didn't smile back. He looked around trying to figure out what I was doing. I hoped he wouldn't notice the tree, but he did. He suddenly stopped his movements.

"Wow," he gasped. He walked over to the tree and ran his fingertips over the carved lines of the drawing. "Bella, you did this?" He asked, shocked. His voice was full of surprise. He examined the tree for a long time. He had his back to me and I took out my knife.

"Hey!" He yelled, a bit scared, as he turned to face me. I rolled my eyes.

"I did it with this," I said and put the knife back into its hole. With my foot, I kicked dirt over it and placed a rock on top. "Are you going to tell on me now?" I asked. He looked confused.

"Why would I do that?"

"I don't know. Maybe because I freaked out on you yesterday and you hate me," I said. Why am I talking? This is the most I've ever talked to Edward and I'm babbling stupid shit. He stayed silent and only stared at me. "I..." I said taking a few steps towards the school.

"No, hey wait!" He said. I stopped.

"What?"

"Quit running away from me. Every time I wanna talk you run away. Stop!" he said running his fingers through his hair. Oh his hair...

"You want to talk to me?" I asked. My voice sounded too surprised and I was embarrassed for a second. He smiled crookedly.

"Yeah...I wanted to apologize about yesterday," he said. Is he serious? "I mean you did freak out a bit, but I understand. I totally grabbed you and invaded your space. That was completely fucked up on my part. I'm sorry Bella," he said. I swear he couldn't have sounded more honest. What the hell?

"Why?" I asked, and he furrowed his eye brows.

"Why what?"

"Why are you doing this?"

"I just want to do what's right."

"You're full of shit, you know?" He widened his eyes and smiled.

"You know Bella, you can be a little tough-ass sometimes. I like that," he chuckled. I rolled my eyes and started to walk away again. "Oh come on Bella! I won't grab you to stop you, but I will scream." I stopped walking.

"Please tell me what you want from me so we can move on!" I said. He chuckled again.

"I told you. I want to apologize."

I huffed.

"You're full of shit."

"You said that already."

"'Cuz you are."

"No, I am not!"

"Yes, you are. You hate me. Why would you apologize to me? You shouldn't care."

"I don't hate you Bella."

"Yes you do."

He huffed.

"What gives you that idea?"

"You've never talked to me in the six years we've been going to school together and now, out of all the times. When you think...when you and your friends think...hate me for what you think..."

"Bella I don't hate you and especially for that I don't. I got a free week off school thanks to you!"

I sighed loudly. He thinks I did snitch on him. I shook my head, but didn't bother to defend myself.

"Bella, I started talking to you because...I think you're...um...uh interesting," he said, and I swear he wanted to laugh. _I_ wanted to laugh.

"Please stop there, before I puke."

"It's the honest truth..."

I rolled my eyes again.

"Okay, okay. I needed help with my homework..." I started to walk off again. "But! There is a but!" He begged, and I stopped again.

"Some things happened that, um, I don't…Bella…shit. I just wanna talk to you. I know it's hard to believe me 'cuz I'm such a jackass and all, but look, to make you believe me more, I just wanna talk to you 'cuz you seem like a good listener and I already know some shit about you, like your fear of blood..."

"Who the hell told you?" I angrily cut him off.

"Nobody! Shit, calm down, it was just obvious!" He said. He took a deep breath and started again. "Look, I do need help with my homework. Maybe you could help me and I can help you."

I wanted to believe him.

"And, if you help me I can help you with other shit that has nothing to do with grades."

"Like what?" I asked. I can't believe I was actually considering this!

"I know you aren't the most liked girl by Tanya and her fucking bitch-faced hound dogs," he said. Hound dogs? That's clever. Wish I would have thought of that first. Bastard.

"And some people, like my friends...don't like you either."

"Jeez, thanks."

"Hold on Bella, shit, give me a chance," he said. So I stayed quiet. "I can get them off your back. They listen to me. They think of me like some sort of god or some shit."

I huffed.

"I know they're fucking lame ass pussies, but I can convince them that they need to get off your back."

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why are you doing this?"

"Cuz I need help, and you need it too. Besides, we have English together and I'm sort of failing it. I need it to graduate. You seem like you know what the fuck you're doing in there so..."

"Um..."

"I swear I'm honest. I just... I would rather no one knew about our arrangement though," he finished.

Hmm… maybe he is telling the truth. He wants to pretend he doesn't know me. Hmm...sounds like his cynical self. He, Edward pretty boy Cullen, can't be seen with the Swan.

"You swear the Whore Gang won't ever touch me?" I asked. He chuckled.

"Swear it on my grades! I need to graduate Bella! Please help me!" He said, and gave me a sad face. He looked like a damn five year old.

"Where would we have these 'study sessions'?" I asked, signaling the quotation marks with my fingers.

"In the library, out here, after school, anywhere," he said.

"And you swear to god you will protect me from the Whore Gang and your little friends?"

"I swear it!" He said, crossing his heart with his fingers. This _could_ help me be safe and actually get my work done.

"What subjects?"

"All of them except math. I got that shit down."

"Good, 'cuz I hate math," I said. It felt weird talking about myself with Edward. He smiled again.

"See, this is already working. I'll help you with math. We got each other!" He said, chuckling. I tried to return his smile, but just couldn't. I'm actually trusting Edward.

"When?" I asked.

"Next week, after school. I've got some shit I have to do for the rest of this week. But next week for sure."

We said our goodbyes, a little head nod and hand wave. Very awkward.

Edward went the rest of the week pretending I didn't exist. We only talked in English for our project. But on Friday he was sure to remind me of our after school session on Monday.

On Monday morning I remembered that Rosalie would be back at school. Even though Edward had promised me he would protect me from harm, I was worried. I wasn't going to take risks until I had a chance to get more comfortable with the idea that he could keep her away from me. So I skipped gym, which was the only class I had with Rosalie, and avoided going to my locker at all costs. I made my own lunch, so I could eat outside. After English, Edward told me he would wait for me in the library.

I couldn't avoid my locker forever, so I tried to be as fast as I could. With shaky hands that my clumsiness only made worse, I put all my stuff in my locker and grabbed by backpack. I made my way to the library, not knowing what to expect from this awkward situation I found myself in. I never stopped to think about the fact that Edward had never been a bad student. Why would he need study sessions? And with me? I mean I know the stuff, I just never do it.

_Maybe he _has_ been slacking off. He thinks you're a nerd. Everybody thinks you're a nerd. It works. You'll be safe. Just use him._

The halls were empty, except for the one or two nerds that would hang out after school to kiss some teacher's ass. I was almost to the library when I heard high heels. Shit...he promised.

They whistled at me. "Hey sexy bitch!" Rosalie called out. Her voice was so evil. It was like a knife cutting my ear drums, making me bleed...bleed.

"Shake that ass!" Lauren said as she followed. I just continued to walk. My short legs needed to hurry.

"Hmm, I think our _bestie _is ignoring us Rose," Jessica continued. The high heels got louder and closer, until I had Jessica and Lauren on either side of me. Tanya walked behind me and Rosalie walked in front. She started walking backwards, facing me.

"Why are you ignoring us _bestie_? You're hurting our feelings baby," Rosalie whispered. A chill ran down my back. My heart was pounding, but I kept walking and looking down, avoiding her face. "Didn't you miss me amiga? I know I did," she said. She suddenly stopped walking, and I bumped into her. "Bestie I don't want to fight, why are you pushing me? Girls!" Lauren and Jessica started fiddling with my hair.

"We should take you to get a haircut and a makeover, if you wanna be our hot fifth wheel. You gotta look hot bitch!" Jessica said. Tanya started messing with the top of my head.

"Yeah, bestie...and you ain't lookin' too hot right now!" Tanya said. They all giggled. I wanted them to stop touching me! I could feel myself breaking into a cold sweat and I was starting to shake.

"What's the matter baby?" Rosalie asked, with a fake look of worry. "You scared? I don't bite."

"Well I do and it fucking hurts like a motherfucker!"

Rosalie turned around to see Edward looking down at her. "Ed get the fuck away!" Rosalie yelled and turned back to me.

"No, you and your gang of bitches need to get the fuck away from Bella!" He said. I swear I wanted to kiss him (out of gratitude). He was keeping his word.

"What's gotten into you?" Tanya yelled.

"Just ignore him, Tanya. Edward's feeling like Mother Theresa today! Let's go," Rosalie said. She winked at me and walked away with her gang. I kept looking down. Edward slowly walked up to me. He said nothing for a long moment. I thanked him for it.

"You alright Bella?" He finally asked, softly. I just nodded, biting into my lower lip. "You wanna go home instead? We'll do this tomorrow," he said, nicely. I just nodded. "I'll walk you to your truck," he said. I nodded again. I couldn't bring myself to look at his face.

_Thank him!_

On the way to my truck, we said nothing. The only sounds came from the light rain hitting the ground and our footsteps. We walked together, but he kept his distance, probably trying to keep his reputation intact. I could still smell him though. Hmm…

My damn truck didn't want to start. Really, could my luck get any worse? I don't know anything about fixing it and Father wouldn't help. He would make me walk. Edward offered to look at it. He stared at the inside of the hood for a while and moved some wires around.

"Hmm..." He ran a finger under his chin. "It's a simple fix. I'll bring the missing part tomorrow. We have a bunch of these at my house."

"Tomorrow?"

"Yeah Bella."

"But, how am I going to get home? And how am I going to pay you to fix it?"

"Don't worry, it's on me, and I um…" He paused, sighed, and then looked at me again. "I could give you a ride?" He shrugged.

"What?"

"A ride Bella, you know, you get in my car and I take you there. I'll bring you to school in the morning too. Unless you have a better idea that doesn't involve walking?" He chuckled.

"No, um, I don't have any ideas," I said.

"So how about it?" he smiled crookedly.

_He's just giving you a ride. He isn't going to hit you! _

I've never been alone in car with a guy before, besides Jake.

_Oh come on. You know you wanna ride in his stupid Volvo. Besides its too damn cold to walk and Charles aka Father isn't home yet._

"Um...uh..."

_Just say it damn it_.

Edward looked at me, waiting for my answer. "I um...uh...ok," I gulped. "I'll accept your ride."

He smiled and slammed my truck's hood back down.


	8. Open Doors

**Again thanks to**** you who review. It really makes me write faster. I love reviews, I get all excited and silly, so keep them coming. **

**Enough of my blabber, here is Eddie.**

**Thanks to __****lizde for looking over this chapter! You're awesome.**

Ch 8/Edward/Open Doors

"I'm not doing it anymore!" I yelled. It was the third time I had said it. Rosalie and the guys wouldn't give up and it was pissing me off.

"How can you just give up like that?" Rosalie asked, while sitting on Emmett's lap.

I had decided to watch TV in the living room with Alice. I thought maybe I would be able to spend some quality time with my little sister, but fucking Emmett had to bring his evil girlfriend and her brother. The Edward and Alice bonding moment had turned into a "why Ed doesn't wanna' fuck Bella anymore" meeting.

"Just because she freaked you out? I mean she freaks everyone out," Rosalie continued "I thought we had a deal, plan, bet, whatever the fuck you wanna call it. The whole point was to get back at Isabella for what she did to us. Or have you forgotten how your mother acted and looked after you _once again_ got caught with drugs?"

"Of course I haven't forgotten! But fuck, this shit isn't easy!" I spat. Rose had to bring my fucking mother into this. Rose is a fucking bitch.

"Since when is it difficult for Edward 'I'll fuck everything that moves' Cullen to convince a girl that he loves her and bang her?"

"First of all, I've never told anybody that I loved them, and second… I really don't think I've ever had a girlfriend," I said, after thinking about it and scratching my head. I laughed and so did Jasper and Emmett.

"Dude, now that I think about it, you've never had a girlfriend. That's so fucking weird for you man! Especially considering you get more pussy that me," Emmett said, laughing. Rosalie slapped his arm.

"You fucking loner. All you've had are fuck buddies. I used to envy you," Jasper said, as he quickly turned to Alice. "But now I feel sorry for you." He smiled at Alice, kissing her hand. I rolled my eyes.

"What about Tanya?" Rosalie asked, and all of us guys laughed again. I didn't feel bad that she happened to be Rosalie's best friend.

"Oh Tanya, umm, I've never had a 'date' with her, but…" I didn't finish because I don't kiss and tell… sort of.

"Ugh! You're such a man-whore! Mother of… is this why you're giving up?" Rosalie asked and I sighed loudly.

"I'm not giving up. I'm just facing reality. Bella has some serious issues and she doesn't trust me. Every time I try to make conversation with her she fucking blows me off and runs away."

"Well how do you expect her to automatically fall in love with you Edward?" Alice finally spoke. Every time Bella was brought up in a conversation, she would say nothing and look guilty as hell, as if she was the one lying to Bella. "All of you! How do you expect her to fall in love with Edward, when he out of all… except Rosalie… out of all of us, has treated her the worst!"

"No I haven't!" I felt insulted.

"Yes, you have. In the eighth grade you taped a note on her back that said 'freak' and everyone laughed at her. In tenth grade you stole her homework. I was right there when you did it, you just didn't see me."

"I _did_ do that?" I asked, and Emmett and Jasper chuckled.

"Yes! You've called her names. One time you accidently pushed her in the hall, it was totally your fault, but you barked at her. You should've seen her face. She was so scared of you," Alice said sadly. "But off course you didn't notice and walked away without apologizing to her or helping her pick her stuff up off the ground. How can she trust you now and especially fall in love with you? That doesn't just happen. It doesn't matter if you're handsome or charming. That girl isn't stupid," Alice said.

I automatically pushed away all the feelings of guilt and sadness for Bella. I actually did those things? _You shouldn't feel sorry. It isn't your fault fucking Swan is weak and pathetic. Besides it was your duty to be fucked up towards to her. She's a freak!_

"Bro, you _are_ a douche," Emmett said, still chuckling.

"Fuck you!" I yelled. _But I am. I'm a fucking piece of shit._

"As much as Alice is trying to defend Isabella, _once again_…" Rosalie said, as Alice rolled her eyes at her, "Alice has given me an idea…"

"Ugh, no more ideas," I moaned. I lay back on the couch.

"Let me remind you of a few things. Remember Ben's party a few years ago, when you got arrested for having coke on you?"

"Nah, I forget the time I spent in juvie for that shit and that Carlisle and Esme almost sent me away to military school! Of course I fucking remember!"

"Well guess who sent those police officers to the party? Charles Swan, Chief of fucking Police. Remember when they arrested Tyler at school for selling coke and weed and now he's in a jail?"

"Hell yeah. Tyler was a good friend," Emmett said. I nodded in agreement.

"Well, Chief Swan arrested him personally. That jackass is always doing shit to us and nobody ever gets back at him. His daughter followed in his footsteps and got us caught. She probably did it thinking she could get back at us, but that shit isn't going to happen. You're our only hope for payback Edward."

"I just…"

"Edward, just think of what your mom thinks of you now. She wouldn't have known if it wasn't for Swan. I'll double the money. If you do it before prom I'll give you the money everyone else is betting and then some, but if you do it by prom it'll be less," Rosalie said, smiling. I said nothing.

"But another part of the deal is that for right now, you keep your seducing low key, because I don't want Tanya pissed at me. Besides, I doubt you want people to see you with Swan."

How fucked up did she think I was?

_You've told yourself this!_ _Yeah, but that was me. Someone else saying it makes me sound like a damn dog._

"It would be a bigger deal if out nowhere people find out that you fucked Bella! Imagine the shock at school. Nobody would have seen it coming," Rosalie laughed.

She started telling me her plan, which was supposedly inspired by Alice, while Alice tried to defend herself and Bella. The plan was for me to make myself look like a hero to Bella. That way Bella would trust me. She would feel comfortable with me and let me talk to her, and in turn she would confide in me. It seemed like a smart plan so I just went along with it.

What the fuck did I have to lose? What's the point of doubting the reasons behind all of this? I'm already a shitty person and maybe this will distract me from my weird depression. I'm fucking bored out of my fucking mind.

Dinner with my family started out silent. Carlisle and Esme started a steady conversation with Emmett and Alice about graduation and college. Alice was a junior, but she was so far ahead that she would graduate with us. She wanted to go to New York to some fashion school and maybe get a job at some magazine she had been e-mailing. Jasper apparently was going to New York too, so it worked out. Emmett wanted to go to California. He had already applied at some colleges there. They both agreed that it would be cool to take a trip before going off to school.

I didn't say anything. I didn't have any plans. I didn't know what the fuck I wanted to do. I thought of maybe getting a shitty job during the summer while I tried to figure it out. I know I'm not going anywhere with my fucking attitude, but I can't help it. I'm just not feeling enthused about anything. I feel like a complete failure and I'm only eighteen.

I left the dinner table without saying anything and nobody tried to stop me. They knew me too well. Sometimes I wish they _would_ stop me. But then I know I'm being a fucking whiny-ass teenage bitch demanding attention.

I can't talk to my parents about what the fuck is going on with me because they would just lecture me. Alice would give me her positive bullshit, Jasper is busy with her, and Emmett would just tease me. So I just keep it to myself.

I didn't go to the meadow, because I was too damn lazy and I was out of weed. I didn't write, because I was tired of bitching to my journal and I had nothing new to say. The TV was full of shit and I'm tired of my own music. I fell asleep out of boredom.

The next morning I woke up with a headache and a bad mood. It was fucking cold as a mother fucker and my balls were frozen. I didn't want to face school today, especially after yesterday's bullshit, but I still went. I didn't want to deal with my mother.

I didn't see Bella all day. I usually see her tripping on something or rushing to class. Her ugly ass truck was outside, so I didn't doubt that she was there. She was probably hiding from me. I don't blame her.

Lunch came around and I was about to walk to the cafeteria when I finally saw Bella. She was sneaking out to the back building. It was her; I recognized her damn long sleeved green sweater. And though I don't give a shit, I know that damn sweater isn't warm enough. I was about to follow her out when Tanya stopped me. She took my hand and led me to the cafeteria.

I fucking hate it when people force me into things.

I sat with her for a while, making plans for the weekend. She invited me to some party next weekend. Apparently Mike was throwing a big party. The motherfucker hadn't invited me yet. He would though; I knew that piece of fuck. Tanya's hound dogs finally got to the table, and I left without saying goodbye. On my way out, I bumped into Mike, who of course invited me to the damn party. It took a while, but I finally made it to the back of the building.

Bella was nowhere to be found. I looked around until I saw the fence door was open a little. It led out to the woods. What the fuck was she doing out there? I walked for a few minutes through the back of the school. The cold was fucking burning my cheeks and my hands were freezing. I swear I could feel my balls cracking through my jeans. I made it to the outside of the fence and walked for a few minutes until I noticed movement. I swear it would've freaked me out if I hadn't seen that damn green sweater.

Bella.

"Bella?" I asked, and I heard her feet crushing leaves. I smiled to myself. _Time to act_.

"Bella is that you?" I asked, and I finally caught her behind a tree. She stood up and froze, looking guilty as fuck. What the fuck did she do? She stared at me and for a moment and I swear it seemed like she was looking at me adoringly, but she quickly returned to her bitch face, which I deserve. Her cheeks were red from the cold and she kept sniffing.

What the hell was she doing in the cold? This dumbass is gonna get sick!

"Bella what are you doing out here in the freezing cold?" There had to be a sensible answer to this! "Aren't you cold?"

"Duh." She looked surprised by her own answer. I laughed. That was really unexpected. She quickly looked down at her feet. I wish Bella wouldn't do that. It's so hard to see her. It's difficult to know what the fuck is up with her.

Well, I guess that's why she does it.

Shit... I do that too.

"Well, that is a dumb question," I said and she just bit into her lip, still looking guilty as fuck. I looked around trying to find what had her so nervous. Did she finally have enough and kill someone? Shit, is she going to kill _me_ for what I've done?

In the corner of my eye I saw her eyeing the tree that was behind me. I turned around and I swear it fucking struck me so fucking hard I had to take a step back, but I had to keep my cool and pretend it wasn't that cool...

"Wow..." I gasped.

In the middle of the tree, there was a carved picture. A little girl, with her back to the viewer, held her hands behind her back and stood in front of a house on fire. The fire came out of the windows and the girl carried a book behind her back that seemed to be a little burnt, she even got the detail on that. The wind was blowing her hair while she stared at the fire. The brownish red color of the tree helped the effect of the fire.

The book had the title carved in it. _Love is a Place._

I ran my finger tips over the title of the book. I didn't understand.

"Bella, you did this?" My voice, for some reason, sounded doubtful. I'm such an ass. I stared at the tree a little longer. I couldn't pull away. In a way it was disturbing, but I felt maybe I could see a little Bella in this since she won't open up to me. I decided to face her and when I did, I almost wet my pants.

Bella had a big ass knife in her hand and she was just casually pointing it at me. I gulped.

"Hey!" I managed to yell.

_Yes, because Bella is a murderer! You fucking douche!_

_You never know!_

Bella rolled her eyes.

"I did it with this," she said. She closed the knife and threw it into a hole in the ground, covering it with dirt and a rock.

She asked if I was going to tell on her. I was a bit insulted at her assumption. _No Bella, because I am not like you!_ She said something about thinking I would do it on purpose because I was freaked out by her and because I hate her.

I don't hate Bella.

What? I don't hate her? Then, what the fuck? I don't know. It's impossible to hate Bella, even if she did tell on me... little snitch. I look at her and all I wanna do is fucking tell her to man up and grow some balls. She's always making herself small and insignificant looking. I didn't say anything. I realized that it bothered me that Bella thought I hated her. Why should it bother me?

_Maybe because you can't convince her to fuck you if she hates you?_

She seemed annoyed by my silence and started to walk away.

I fucking hate it when she does this shit. Fucking face me!

I stopped her by threatening to yell. I told her some bullshit about wanting to apologize to her for the fuckery I made yesterday, which I meant in a way. She looked like she was considering my honesty, but then decided against it and started to walk away again. She told me I was full of shit. It caught me off guard. I was never told that by girls when I was being "nice" to them.

Bella made me proud.

Again, she made it clear that she thought I hated her. It was fucking frustrating. She then reminded me that we've been going to school together for a long-ass time and I've always acted like an ass. Seriously, women have great memories, 'cuz shit, I can't remember this.

We finally made it to the part of the conversation that Rosalie had planned. I never thought this would be so fucking difficult.

Swan, according to Rosalie, is a scared little duck. She's afraid Rosalie and Tanya are going to kick her ass, which according to Rosalie they will one day. But Rosalie thought it would be smarter to play with Bella. That evil bitch.

I asked Bella for help with my studies. I didn't fucking need it, I was a straight "A" student, but Rosalie said that something as innocent as studying wouldn't look suspicious. I could make Bella spend time with me and charm her panties off. I doubted Bella would help me, but offering Bella protection against Rosalie and Tanya and everyone else that bothered her seemed like a genius proposition. Bella would be fucking stupid to say no.

Bella turned serious and looked as if she was actually considering it. I was fucking winning.

"Um..." she seemed confused and doubtful. I had to say something before she changed her mind.

"I swear I'm honest. I just... I would rather no one knew about our arrangement though." It sounded like me, she had to believe me.

"You swear the Whore Gang won't ever touch me?" She asked and I laughed. I fucking love it when she calls them that. It kinda' made me wish I had come up with it.

She agreed and told me she needed help with math, which I hated, but knew how to do. I lied and said I needed help with English. Shit, I had that shit down, but I could just slack off a bit and have Bella help me, and if she was wrong I could do it myself. It would be easy.

I told her we'd start next week. I just didn't mention that Rosalie would come back to school that same week.

I ignored Bella for the rest of the week. I didn't have the energy to try and talk to her. She always ended up pissing me off anyway. I needed to save my strength for later. She didn't seem like she cared either. She kept skipping lunch and seemed to hide between periods. I never saw her. She kept drawing during class, ignoring that our seating arrangement (which still consisted of her sitting in front of me and Angela to our side) had me a few inches away from her. The damn project was over on Friday and after class, with a friendly smile, I reminded Bella of our tutoring session after school on Monday. She just nodded. I hoped she wasn't changing her mind, because this was the farthest I'd gotten with Bella and I'd be damned if it didn't work.

The weekend was bullshit.

The guys decided to hang at Jasper's basement, since his parents were away on "business." Typical douche bag parents. We smoked weed and played a little Guitar Hero, which on weed is so much better with so many flying colors! We did a lot of nothing, until the girls came back from shopping. Alice could win a damn medal if shopping was a fucking sport. Carlisle would be pissed again. She probably blew a few thousand.

We drank a lot of booze too. Tanya, who even after a few beers was still annoying as fuck, kept hanging on my fucking neck and sitting in my lap as if I was her fucking boyfriend or some shit. She kept rubbing her ass on my dick and though I fucking hate Tanya, my dick appreciated it and welcomed her ass with a smile on its fucking face.

"Baby, let's go somewhere..." she whispered in my ear. I could smell the beer on her fucking breath. I just nodded and followed her to a random room. I swear I hate her smell. She smells like fucking _fagjuice._ She shoved me down on a bed and began licking my ear and my neck.

What's wrong with me? Besides being completely fucked up on booze and weed, I felt dead. Not my dick of course, it was hard as a rock and begging to be free. The fucker couldn't wait. But there was no part of my mind involved and no emotion. I even lost the cocky swagger that I always get during sex, when the girl... whatever girl... starts moaning and calling my name out with passion. It hardens my ego and my dick. But as of late... I just do shit to do it. There's nothing behind my reasons.

Like fucking with Bella's mind.

Like fucking Tanya.

I'm tired of this shithole I call my fucking life. I gotta get out of here. It's as if even sex has lost its point. I just lay there and let Tanya have her way with me. I'm fucking pathetic. I'm an empty carcass. Well an empty carcass with a hard dick... but that's just fucked up and disgusting.

I have no emotions and no feelings... well I've never had those... but damn... I need something. I'm tired of feeling this bullshit and I'm tired trying to find meaning in shit. Everyone is fucking stupid, fake and soulless. Yeah, I think I'm better than most people. Get the fuck over it.

After we both had our orgasm, Tanya fell asleep. I fucking sat up quick when I heard her snore lowly. I don't want her to think this is cuddle time with Eddiepooh. Fuck that shit, I don't do that. I got dressed. I was still fucking high and drunk. I tripped a few times and yelped when I hit my toe on the fucking bed. That shit hurt like a motherfucker. I said some profane words under my breath... I almost fucking cried. I put on my shoes and left like there was no tomorrow. Tanya is so uncomfortable and so suffocating.

I walked outside Jasper and Rosalie's house and sat on the front lawn. Yep, I was still very fucked up. I burped and got a little nauseated. Good thing I was outside. Just in case I decided to puke, I had the lawn to decorate. It was a cool night, and it was helping my disgust. I stared at the ground like a damn homeless person until I felt someone sit next to me.

"Hey Edward." Damn Alice, she looked sober and healthy. I envy her.

"Shit Alice, can't you not have fun for one damn night!" I said. Hopefully she understood. I think I slurred more than half of the sentence.

"If by having fun you mean getting completely fucked and disgusting, than I'm sorry I'm boring. I prefer it that way. Besides, I had one beer. Is that not cool enough for you Edward Cullen?" She said. Though I'd prefer she didn't speak with her high pitched voice, I had to laugh at her comment.

"Wow! Party animal!" I said, fisting the air between us. She just rolled her eyes.

"What's wrong with you Edward?"

"I'm wasted, fucked up, drunk, shitfaced... um... should I go on."

"I don't mean that. I can smell that on you already. I mean as of late. I mean you're always a depressed emo asshole, but lately you seem zoned out more than usual." My sister knew me too well and it was fucking annoying sometimes.

"I don't know what you're talking about..."

"Bullshit! I know you. I thought you being drunk would help me get some information out of you, but I guess I was wrong."

"I guess you don't know me after all. Just fuck off Alice, I'll be alright. Go back to Jasper," I said. She pushed me and I was so fucked up I fell on my side.

"Whatever Edward! One day you'll see the damn light and quit being such a jerk. But karma is a bitch; a bigger bitch than Tanya. Whoever helps you see is then going to make you so miserable it'll kill you if you don't change your damn ways! That person is going to make you pay. Talk to me! Talk to _someone_ before it's too damn late."

She walked off and I stayed on the ground. I don't how long I stayed there, but I didn't have the heart to move.

"I'm just so _alone_ Alice," I whispered to the wind.

Monday morning came in a hurry. We were running late, as we had planned, but at this rate we would we be in deep shit if we didn't make it soon. Emmett and I had to rush to school to start Rosalie's plan. Alice didn't want to take part in it so she took her own car and promised Emmett a ride later. I needed my Volvo to myself after school.

When we got to the school parking lot we were late, as we had planned. The lot was free of students and Bella's truck was all by its lonesome in a corner of the lot. For loner Bella that made sense.

Emmett broke into Bella's truck. Don't ask me where Carlisle and Esme found him, I'm just glad they did. But besides his car-jacking expertise, he's just a fucking giant ass teddy bear with a bitch of a girlfriend. I sometimes want to punch my brother in the fucking gut for being such a whipped pussy.

"You take this and unlock it and then you take the band," Emmett said. I really didn't understand the rest because he used car terms. I could be the manliest man in the world, Tanya and half of the Forks High School's female population would tell you that I am, but I don't know shit about fixing (or breaking) cars.

"Just make sure to move these wires here..." he said, pointing at some shit. "That way when you fix it she'll see that you know what you're talking about." He smiled and closed Bella's hood.

"Whatever..." I said. Rosalie's plan all revolved around me looking like a giant ass hero. According to Rosalie, Bella needed a hero. That was the only way she would trust me and let me in. Alice might kick and slap herself for opening her mouth, but it was a good plan.

"Well my job here is done. I'll give you the part at the house when you get home. Go get her tiger!" Emmett said, making a bad impression of a tiger that sounded more like a fucking pussy cat. I flipped him off and headed to class.

Bella skipped lunch, and Rosalie made sure to let me know Bella had skipped gym too. Probably because she knew Rose had returned to school. Rosalie laughed as she told us. It was as if she enjoyed scaring the shit out of someone.

Rosalie is one evil bitch, and I'll never get tired of saying that, because it's the damn truth.

English came and Bella actually beat me to class. I said "hi" to her and she just nodded. She ignored me the rest of the class period and my frustration grew. What the fuck is wrong with her? Do I have something in my damn teeth?

The bell rang, singling the end of school, and Bella stood up and looked down at me as if she was waiting for me. I smiled on the inside.

She had her lower lip in her between her teeth and her glasses were falling off her nose. She pushed them up with a finger.

"Umm, meet me in the library. I'm headed that way after I get my stuff from my locker," I said. She just nodded. I sort of felt bad for what was going to happen, but I quickly brushed that away. I went to my locker and Rosalie walked pass me.

"Don't forget!" She whispered. I just flipped her off.

I took my sweet-ass time at my locker and walked to the hall where I was supposed to meet Rosalie, Jessica, Lauren, Tanya and... Bella. Rosalie had managed to find a way to get her plan to work without actually telling her friends about it. They all just thought they were going to pick on Bella as usual.

"We should take you to get a haircut and to get a makeover, if you wanna be our hot fifth wheel. You gotta look hot bitch!" I heard Jessica say, and they all giggled. I hid behind a few lockers and looked to where the fucking hound dogs were surrounding Bella.

"Yeah, bestie... and you ain't lookin too hot right now!" Tanya said. They all giggled again. Bella looked fucking scared... again. She was shaking a little, and she kept looking down with no emotion on her face.

I almost wanted to yell at her to defend herself. Come on Bella! Do or say something! She was pissing me off. I should be pissed at myself. I knew about Rosalie's plan, but somehow I wasn't liking it too much right now.

"What's the matter baby?" Rosalie asked. Bella shook again and I had enough. I was supposed to come in right after Rosalie pushed Bella into Tanya, but they had gone too far. It was just supposed to be a joke and these bitches looked like they were really going to kill Bella. She didn't look too good.

"You scared? I don't bite," Rosalie finished. I decided that was my queue.

"Well I do and it fucking hurts like a motherfucker!" Rosalie turned around to face me and looked confused. She furrowed her eyes as if asking why I was so early to the fucking play, but I just ignored her.

"Ed get the fuck away!" Rosalie yelled and turned her back to me.

"No, you and your gang of bitches need to get the fuck away from Bella!" I said, and Bella tilted her head as if she was trying to see my face. I guess she decided against it because her eyes stayed glued to the floor.

"What's gotten into you?" Tanya yelled. Tanya was really starting to piss me off.

"Just ignore him, Tanya. Edward's feeling like Mother Theresa today! Let's go," Rosalie said. She walked away with the hound dogs following her. It almost looked like they were smelling her ass. Fucking bitches.

It was just me and Bella in the hallway. Her head stayed down and she was biting down on her lip, my guess, trying to stop herself from shaking.

What had Bella so freaked? I mean normal girls fight back, say something sassy back, defend themselves, cry or beg... they do something! Bella just shuts down and starts shaking as if she's waiting for what's going to happen next. She doesn't even cry or beg for herself. She doesn't fight back; and she needs to soon or she's going to get fucked up. I let her calm down, keeping my distance, but I did get a little closer to her.

I said nothing. It's not that I didn't care, or that this is the way I let people calm down, I just had no idea what to say. Bella finally took one last deep breath.

"You alright Bella?" I asked and was shocked at how soft and worried my voice sounded. It wasn't normal. I sounded like a pussy. She just nodded and still didn't look at me. "You wanna go home instead? We'll do this tomorrow. I'll walk you to your truck," I said, remembering what I was supposed to do now. Bella nodded again.

We walked to her truck and I kept my distance, not wanting to freak her out again. I had to learn my way around Bella if I wanted this to work. For now, she seemed to appreciate distance and her own space. We have something in common. Maybe I'll ask her to marry me! I rolled my eyes at myself.

Bella tried to get her truck to start, and again I pushed the feelings of guilt away as a flash of worry crossed her face when she realized her truck wasn't turning over.

"I could look under the hood for you," I said. She just nodded and got her hood open. I looked at it with a curious face as Bella stood beside me. I messed with the wires Emmett had pointed out. "Hmm..." I ran a finger under my chin, because that's what people do when they are thinking hard...

"It's a simple fix. I'll bring the missing part tomorrow. We have a bunch of these at my house."

"Tomorrow?" Bella asked, looking worried as hell.

"Yeah Bella..."

"But, how am I going to get home? And how am I going to pay you to fix it?" She was now panicking and making me lose my temper.

"Don't worry, it's on me, and I um…" I paused and sighed. "I could give you a ride?" I shrugged. I hope this plan works!

"What?" She looked confused and I almost wanted to laugh.

"A ride Bella, you know, you get in my car and I take you there. I'll bring you to school in the morning too. Unless you have a better idea that doesn't involve walking?" I chuckled.

"No, um, I don't have any ideas," she said, and starting biting down her lower lip, looking nervous as hell.

"So how about it?" I smiled crookedly and she looked down and started rubbing her hands together out of the nerves.

"Um... uh..." she muttered. "I um... uh... ok. I'll accept your ride."

I smiled and closed the hood of her truck. I started walking to my car and she slowly followed behind, looking down the whole time. I stopped when I reached her passenger door and she bumped into me, irritating the hell out of me.

"I um... uh... I'm sorry," she said nervously. I turned to look at her. She took a step back and the flushed look on Bella's face made me lose the irritation. She looked cold as hell. The thin green sweater wasn't enough. I opened the passenger door and grabbed my jacket.

"Here," I said and she just stared at it. "Bella, jackets work better if you put them on." She rolled her eyes.

"I don't need it."

"Of course you do."

"No, I don't."

"Just put it on Bella," I said under my breath, trying not to yell because that seemed to freak her out. She snatched it from my hands and it shocked me a little. She put it on and it was way too big for her. But... um... she um... she looked good in it.

"There, mom, are you happy?" she said in a low voice. I don't think she meant for me to hear, but I did. I couldn't help but smile. If I managed to at least piss Bella off, then my life was complete.

I held the door open for her and she stared at my leather seat.

"Do I have to say another smartass thing?"

"No, I'll just sit in it, because cars take you places if you sit in them," she said. I chuckled a little too loudly. I caught myself and quickly shut my mouth. Bella sat down and I closed the door, walked around to the driver's side, and opened my door. I sat down, closed the door and turned the engine on. Then I turned to look at Bella.

She had her seat belt on and sat in my leather seat as if she was trying to make herself as small as possible. The truth was that Bella did look small in the seat and especially in my huge-ass jacket. Her hands were in her lap and she looked around as if she had never been in a damn car before.

"Never been in a Volvo before?"

"Never been in a new car before," she said, and I smiled. "It smells good," she said lowly. I grabbed my iPod and hooked it to the car's system and Bella's eyes widened. "Cool," she said lowly, as if trying to keep it from me.

"You've never seen one of these?" I asked and she shook her head.

"Have you forgotten what I drive Edward?" She asked.

"Who can forget?" I chuckled and she just stared out her window. "Um, what kind of music do you like?" I asked, hoping to get something out of her and hoping to god she didn't say hip hop.

"Whatever," she shrugged. I sighed lowly, keeping my frustration in. Rosalie told me to start with "the favorites game" and find out her favorite music, books, TV shows… shit, I don't know... favorite type of bong. No that's mine...

I picked a poppy rock song by Maroon 5. All girls like that shit. But Bella didn't budge. I placed the car in reverse and as the car started to move, she immediately tensed up. She grabbed the sides of her seat. I stopped the car.

"Bella, chill," I said. She whipped her face towards mine as if shocked that I had noticed her nervous behavior. She nodded and placed her hands in her lap again, lowering her tense shoulders. I let up on the break. She started to breathe easier, but still sat hunched down. She sat as far as possible from me and seemed to try and limit her movements. She's insane.

I vaguely remembered where she lived, but I was too proud to ask. We were going to get lost.

I skipped to a different song hoping maybe Bella was an R&B fan, but again, she didn't react and just kept staring out her window. I held in a sigh. I skipped to a Hoobastank song. Bella didn't notice. I gave up and left my iPod playing on shuffle.

Bella didn't move at all. She was a complete statute in my passenger seat and I didn't know what the fuck to say. I mean what do you say to freak show? We drove in silence for a few minutes. It wouldn't be long until we found her house in this shitty small town, so I had to say something. The whole plan was to get her to warm up to me and all I was getting was pure silence. She's supposed to help as well! I mean come on!

The inside of the car started to smell like strawberries. What the hell smelled so fruity?

The Hoobastank song ended, but I didn't notice. I was too busy trying to figure out the damn smell. Then I heard the first notes of the next song, and the strumming of the acoustic guitar. I immediately felt embarrassed. Nobody likes this song, nobody my age at least. Bella wouldn't even know this song. Its normal, but it's my fucking song!

Tanya found it in my iPod once and wouldn't shut the fuck up about how "old" the song sounded. She kept saying "ew." Fuck her! It's my favorite song. The one song I sing in the shower and in my car when I think nobody is looking. It's the song I wish I had written myself, the song I want tattooed in my soul forever. I would never tell anybody I like it, because it would make me look like a fucking pussy. Emmett already calls me a pussy for half of the songs in my iPod. Fuck him too. For the first time in a long time I felt the heat of embarrassment in my neck and I was about to grab the iPod to change the song when I heard Bella's soft voice.

"I love this song," she whispered against the window, causing it to fog. My hand froze on top of the iPod and I turned to Bella, making sure she wasn't bullshitting. From the side of her pale face, which was still facing the passenger window, I could see her lips move along with the words.

"_I'll be your man  
I'll understand  
And do my best_

_To take good care of you  
Yes I will"_

Uh…

I said nothing, probably ruining my chance, but I was feeling a little giddy that someone liked my song. I almost kicked myself in the balls for being such a…

"_And so I come to be the one  
Who's always standing next to you"_

Bella's voice came out of hiding. It was low and I could barely hear her, but it made my hands grab unto the steering wheel and become sweaty. For a moment it was as if I wasn't alone with my affection for that damn song. I felt that I was sharing something and it felt strange, partly because Bella had no idea, and partly because it affected her so much. I stayed still until the song ended, staring out straight ahead. I pretended not to be so damn affected that she liked my damn song.

_It doesn't even mean anything._

"Um…" I could barely hear her as the next song started. It knocked me out of my thoughts and I sighed. "Um, can we hear that song again?" She said, shocking me a little. Bella doesn't ever talk or ask for anything, but she wanted to hear the song again. I couldn't help but smile. Not a simple closed mouthed smile, but a damn grin.

"Yeah, sure Bella," I said, and pressed the button that went back to the previous song. I let the song play a little before asking.

"Hey Bella, is this the right way to your house?" I asked and she nodded.

"Yes. It's the right way Edward," she said and went back to staring out her window. We said nothing for the rest of the ride.

I parked in front of Bella's house and she tensed up again and nervously looked around. There were no vehicles in the driveway. Bella relaxed, letting out a loud sigh. She didn't move, and I didn't know what to say. It had become normal to be a fucking mute around Bella.

She cleared her throat.

"Um, thanks for the ride. But you don't have to come tomorrow. I'll just ask my father to take me to school so he can look at the truck," she said. I shook my head. He'd probably be able to tell we messed with her truck.

"No Bella, I'm coming for you, so be ready," I said. She shook her head.

"No." She's so fucking stubborn.

"Yes."

"I said no. You can't force someone to accept a ride!"

"I can."

"Ugh!"

"What's wrong with a fucking ride? Besides I'm the one who's going to fix the damn truck. It doesn't matter if you don't want me to give you a ride, I'll be here in the morning," I said and she huffed.

"Fine! But can you not park in front of the house? Maybe park a few houses down? I'll find you," she said. I was confused as fuck.

"Why?"

"Just promise you'll do it."

"Fine!"

"Okay then," she said, sounding annoyed. She opened her door, took my jacket off and handed it to me. "Thanks for the jacket," she said lowly.

"No problem."

"Um, uh…" she just stood there holding the damn door.

"See you tomorrow. At 7 sharp," I smiled crookedly at her.

"Right."

"Bye."

"Bye."

She finally closed the door and walked to her house, still hunched up and looking down. When will the awkwardness between Bella and me end? It was if we were both afraid to say something stupid or make fools of ourselves.

The next morning I parked a few houses down from the Swan house. I have no idea why Bella made me do this. I waited with my car on because it was too damn cold to sit in it off. I slouched down when I saw Chief Swan's cruiser pass by. He had an ugly ass face and looked pissed as hell.

A few minutes later, Bella appeared. She walked down the side walk, headed towards me with her backpack. She was wearing that damn thin-ass faded green sweater, a pair of worn out jeans and those damn Converse. Of course she walked hunched down with her hands in front of her. That's what she does. She looked like a damn lost child.

Bella is always pale. But today she looked extra pale. All the color was drained from her face. She opened the door to my Volvo and lightly slid inside, closed the door and placed her backpack in the back seat. She was shaking and at first I thought it was because it was so damn cold, but after we sat there for a few minutes I realized the heater in my car wasn't stopping her from shaking, or rocking back and forth. Her face was blank and there were dark shadows under her eyes. Even under foggy glasses I could tell she had not slept well at all. There was some serious shit going on with her.

"Bella," I said gently, placing a hand on her shoulder. I should know by now that that's a bad idea. She jumped and gasped, but quickly looked at me.

"What?" She asked nonchalantly, as if she didn't look fucked up.

"You alright?" I asked, and surprised myself by wanting to know the answer.

"Ye… yeah why wouldn't I be?" She asked, furrowing her eyebrows and quickly looking down to her lap. She looked guilty as fuck. She was hiding something.

"Can we go to school now?"

"Of course," she said lowly.

The ride to school was silent. What the hell could I say? I played music. Nothing I played seemed to affect Bella as much as last time. She did tap her foot to a Kings of Leon song, so we had the Kings checked. She kept going in and out of her weird trance. I finally decided to make conversation.

"Did you parents freak when they didn't see your truck?" I asked. She didn't say anything. She had the same blank expression from earlier. She didn't move and hardly blinked. "Alright then…" I mumbled. The ride couldn't get any longer. I decided to ignore Bella for the rest of the ride. She was ignoring me so it worked out.

As we entered the parking lot, I thanked my lucky stars that it was still sort of empty. I parked near her truck, and I was about to get out, expecting her to do the same, but she didn't move to exit the car. I looked at her and was about to ask, but I didn't. There was no use.

Bella's eyes were a watery red and she had returned to her damn shaking and rocking. Instead of freaking me out, Bella was just worrying me now. It was as if she had seen the devil himself. I felt it in my gut. Her damn breakdown was contagious and I had no idea why. It was pissing me off, but I really needed to wake Bella from her weird trance. It's not normal for someone to be seemingly awake and completely out of it at the same time; to tap their foot to a song one moment and then leave planet _Reality _the next. It's just not normal.

"Hey…" I whispered, trying not to freak her out. But she didn't stop her rocking back and forth and her face was blank as a fucking piece of white paper. "Bella…" I said again in a low voice.

Nothing.

"Hey Bella…" I whispered and gently rubbed her arm, not being cautious anymore. She let out a shaky breath. Then she turned and looked at me. I wasn't sure if she really saw me or if she was even fully aware of her surroundings. Her face was still blank and she still didn't blink. At least her shaking and rocking stopped.

"Hey…" I whispered again.

"Yeah…" Her voice sounded broken. She looked around and realized we were at the school already. "Yeah," she repeated and grabbed her backpack from the back seat and opened her door.

I was so confused.

I grabbed the wire Emmett gave me to put in her truck. He had just stolen the original. Bella popped opened her hood and I went to work putting the wire Emmett had given me where he told me it went. Bella didn't even pay attention to what I was doing. She just stared at a random area of the engine with that damn blank expression on her face. When I was done, I closed the hood and smiled at Bella, who didn't smile back.

"Let's try it," I said, and she just nodded. She turned her truck on and I clapped, trying to lighten the mood and cheer for myself, but Bella didn't care.

"Thank you," she simply said, and started walking towards the school. "Just let me know how much I owe you," she said and continued walking. I walked after her, furious. Doesn't she listen? Like ever?

"I told you already that it's free!" I said. But she just kept walking. "Um… uh, so after school right?" I asked, and she stopped walking.

"The Whore Gang won't touch me?"

"Hell no."

"After school then," she said, and finally walked away.

As Bella made her way into the school, I saw Emmett and Alice getting out of their cars and Rosalie and Jasper waiting for them. They made it to where I was, passing by me. The only one that said "hi" was Alice, who I had not seen yet this morning. Rosalie glared at me.

"How did it go?" She asked as she passed me.

"I fucked her twice already. What the fuck do you think?" She rolled her eyes and flipped me off.

"Oh, don't be a pussy. Keep working. You were such a hero yesterday, I almost cried!" She yelled. I stayed at the bottom of the school's steps. It's not like I love self loathing, but fuck!

Hero?

Hero.

The first classes were bullshit. They didn't give out homework and I wouldn't have a lot to ask Bella about because we all had the same classes with the same teachers, just at different times. Small towns.

Again, I didn't see Bella around in the halls between periods and she didn't show up to lunch.

I sat in my usual state of self-loathing along with my usual "other people loathing." I heard Emmett and Rosalie giggling and Alice and Jasper having a conversation about some bullshit, but I didn't give a shit.

Why can't Bella come to lunch so I can bother her? Maybe she's out by that damn tree?

I thought about it for a long-ass time and half listened to some bullshit Jasper said about the weekend.

Would Bella be there? She's probably carving her tree. Bella is a weirdo. Who does that?

_It's better than this bullshit._

I stood up, ignoring Alice's question of where I was going. I had almost reached the hall when Bella walked into the cafeteria, almost bumping into me.

I smiled.

"Well hello to you too, Bella," I said and she just nodded.

"Hello," she mumbled walking past me. She walked to the lunch line with me following close behind. She stopped to wait and I stood behind her.

"Why are you so late for lunch?"

"Um, I was doing some homework," she muttered.

"What? I thought we were doing that after school?" I sounded more pissed than I should have, but she fucking promised

"And we _are_ going to do work, but I'm sort of very behind in some classes," she said as she grabbed an apple and a water bottle.

"What the fuck? What kind of lunch is that?" I asked and she rolled her eyes at me.

"What's wrong with you Edward? You act like my mother, not including the cussing of course. Why do you care?"

"Well you're going to starve the rest of the day and might not have the energy for tutoring!"

"Oh! I'm sorry for putting your education on the line, but this is all I can afford!" She said. Just as the last words left her mouth she looked like she had changed her mind about saying them.

"I mean… please just let me eat the damn apple. It's _something_ okay. At least I'm eating," she said and continued down the line.

"I could buy you something if you want. You want a sandwich or something?"

"It's fine Edward. I'll be alright."

"You sure?"

"Yes!" She huffed.

I don't know why I found it amusing that Bella got so frustrated and annoyed with me. She finally showed some emotions and not her usual blank and distant face. I was getting somewhere. I stayed with her until she paid for her apple and water with a five dollar bill. We said nothing and she didn't look at me. She got her change and put in her jeans.

"Well… I gotta go. Um… I'll see you after school," I said and she nodded.

"Yeah, you better leave before they see you with me," she mumbled as I walked away. I don't know why I had to fight the urge to tell her that she was fucking stupid and to fuck off. She didn't know anything.

_But isn't that the truth?_

Fucking inner voice.

English started and Bella again beat me to class. I sat behind her and she ignored me as I passed her. Mrs. Morris began class and I ignored her on purpose so that I could mean it later when Bella helped me with the homework. It wasn't as if I needed to pay attention. It was another fucking session on Shakespeare.

Another problem was that Bella was busy drawing the whole time. She would be the one needing the damn tutoring. I stared at the back of Bella's head. Why can't she just give me what I want so we can both move on? I don't enjoy this "I worry" bullshit, or the friendly persona I have to use. She is so distant from everyone and doesn't even look at me when I'm near. I mean doesn't she trust me already? I fucking defended her from Tanya and fucking Rose and gave her a ride and fixed her truck. What else does she need to trust me? I mean I haven't even received a proper "thank you." She is so ungrateful.

I hate her! She pisses me off. I'm getting nowhere.

Class ended and Bella stood up. I didn't move. I was staring at my desk, and didn't realize school was over.

"Um… the library?" She asked, and I whipped my eyes up to look at her.

"Um, oh yeah. I'll be there," I said, standing up. "Meet me at the back tables." The back tables in the library were hidden by walls and I could see a flash of realization hit Bella's face. She probably thinks I'm ashamed of being seen with her. In a way I was. I'm not going to lie.

Though I hate the attention and I hate people in general, I love having everyone fighting to try to impress me. Me, Edward Cullen, hanging around with the freak that is Bella, the girl everyone picks on, isn't going to look right. I just want to get this bet over with.

Bella took her stuff and left the classroom. I made my way to the library with my English homework. The fucking place was hot as hell! There was a sign on the door that said "Heater out of control, library a little too warm." I thought it was a joke, but boy was I wrong. It was fucking hot. I sat at the back tables, and like usual there was really nobody there, just some nerd reading a book. It was a little cooler back here, but I still took my sweater off.

Bella was taking a long time and I began to get impatient. I'm sure it had only been five minutes, but I'm a jackass. I began tapping my knee. Where the fuck was she? I looked at my watch. It had only been six minutes.

Another long-ass minute passed, and I finally heard footsteps coming towards me. I looked up. Bella walked toward me with her English book and that damn sketch book in her hands. Her orange backpack hung from her shoulder.

"About fucking time!" I said. I wished the heat wasn't making me so cranky. I had just lost a damn point with Bella.

"Sorry," she said, and stared at the seat next to me and then to the one in front of me. Really, this is troubling her?

"Just sit next to me Bella. Shit," I said, again not sounding very friendly. I was just so irritated. She sat next to me after placing her books on top of the table and said nothing. Ugh, what a fucking waste of time. She didn't even look at me. I stared at her, trying to make her feel comfortable. She had to say something at some point. I noticed the warmth of the library was making her cheeks blush and her nose shine a little. She was sweaty and I was too, but I don't know why I found her amusing. She was wearing that stupid long sleeve sweater.

"Bella, it's fucking hot in here why don't you take that damn sweater off?" I asked. She whipped her eyes to me.

"No!" her quick response was unexpected and I jumped a little. I settled down and shook my head.

"That's fucking ridiculous."

"I don't want to take my sweater off. How is that ridiculous?" She asked furrowing her eyebrows.

"It's hot in here!"

"So?"

"So, you might get heat stroke!"

"It's not _that_ bad."

"Fuck it isn't. Take that shit off."

"Oh my god, I just don't feel comfortable doing it okay?" She barked, finally raising her voice in annoyance. I wanted to smile but I kept it to myself. We stayed quiet for another moment.

"I don't know how this is going to work. We clearly can't stand each other Edward," she said, and I felt sort of disappointed. I thought I had gotten somewhere, I guess I was fucking wrong.

"What? You can't stand me?"

"No, I _adore_ you!" She said sarcastically. I rolled my eyes. "I mean we've only talked a few times and…"

"Look, just forget that bullshit. I need help and you need it as well. We need each other and that's why we're here," I said. She just nodded. I couldn't have her remembering the past. It wouldn't help me. I took my book out and turned it to the page about Shakespeare and asked a random question. Bella looked at me like she didn't believe I didn't know the answer, but then she told me.

She was right.

I kept asking random questions I already knew the answer to and she kept answering. Bella was always right.

"I think Will Shakespeare was a fag," I said, and she wrinkled her forehead.

"Why?" She asked, a little shocked.

"All male actors, and all of this poetic love and shit; what the fuck was that?"

"Women weren't allowed to be actors and why is it that when men show some emotion or talk about love, they're homos? What? Are men not allowed to show their human side? It shows how stupid and closed minded society is. You're… ugh…"

"Ignorant?"

"Yes!" She said angrily. I chuckled.

"Don't worry Bella; I don't think Will was a fag."

"Then why did you say it?"

"I like pissing you off."

"What?" She asked sitting at the edge of her chair. I chuckled again.

"It's the only time you really talk to me," I said, and she sat back on her chair.

"Oh… um…" she mumbled.

"See?"

"No."

I chuckled again. "Whatever," she said, and continued writing notes.

"Did you really do that to that tree?" I asked. She stopped writing, but didn't look up at me.

"Yes. Why? Are you going to call some environmental hippie group and tell on me because I hurt the tree?" She said and I chuckled.

"No, I was thinking again about how awesome it was." I really did think it was cool.

"That's how I cut my hand," she muttered.

"Well… that was smart of you."

"I know. I like playing with fire," she said with no enthusiasm.

"How long did it take you to do it?"

"Um… since school started in August… well actually a little after that when we started carving in art class…" She stopped herself.

"Hey, Mr. Freeman didn't continue with that lesson, because someone stole a knife…" I smiled as I realized it was her. She looked at me with her lower lip between her teeth. "You… um sto…"

"You gonna tell on me?" She asked. I smiled at her.

"Bella, why do you always think I'm going to tell on you? What, you believe in karma?" I said and she gasped. It seemed liked I pissed her off again, but she held in whatever she was going to say and went back to writing notes, shaking her head.

"Don't worry Bella, I won't tell on you. Besides, I appreciate art when I see it. How long have you been drawing?" I asked. She said nothing.

"Oh come on Bella, it's just a damn question!"

"How long have you been writing?" She asked. I was caught off guard.

"What?" I huffed.

"I always see you writing in that journal."

"That's none of your fucking business!" I griped.

"Alright then, I guess we're even," she said, and continued writing. I wanted to scream at her, but I was too busy fighting back a smile. Fucking Bella is too damn smart for her own good.

"I love to write. It's the only thing I love," I said lowly. She stopped writing and looked at me, and though I wasn't looking at her, I could feel her stare.

"Well… I love to draw. It's the only thing _I _know," she said.

We said nothing again. She went back to her homework.

"Can I ask you something?" I asked after a while. She just nodded, not taking her eyes off her homework.

"Why don't you try and make friends? I mean act fake or something and find someone to call a friend."

"Why should I?"

"Because you're a fucking loner."

"So?"

"So that can make anybody suicidal," I said, and she smiled.

"I'm not suicidal and I don't need friends. Why should I act fake just to get a friend? I'm fine. I've been fine all these years."

"Oh really? You get threatened by the hound dogs every day because they see that you have nobody. It's fucking fun for them. They're fucking evil bitches."

"Why are you so interested? I don't see you talking to a lot of people and you're doing alright as far as I can see. Besides, I have this arrangement now. I help some guy with his homework and he promises to keep the evil bitches away. So it isn't that bad. Right?" She asked.

I smiled. "Yeah, I guess you're right."

We said nothing for the rest of the time at the library, well other than talking about some other subjects and me helping her with a little math. I got so into the problems that I forgot the real reason I was there to begin with.

An hour later, we finished our homework and started walking out of the library. Suddenly, Bella stopped, causing _me_ to stop.

"Um… uh…" she looked down. "I um… before we get out of here and you run the risk of being seen with me… I… I want to… um…"

"Bella just spit out already." She needed to learn how to talk or she was going to make me lose it.

"I wanna thank you," she said. I was taken aback. Oh… here comes my "thank you." I'm such a whiny bitch.

"Thank you for saving me from the Whore Gang, and for the ride, and for fixing my truck. I mean, you don't even like me and you still helped me. I would have probably left you without a ride and I would have let the Whore Gang kick your ass. I'm cold like that," she said with a small smile. I chuckled.

"I would have probably deserved it anyway. Thanks for your honesty," I said sarcastically, and she nodded.

"No problem… anytime." She walked away and I stayed in the same spot, smiling like a moron.

Fucking Bella.

The next day, I bugged Bella in the lunch line again. This time she made sure to find an extra buck and got herself a sandwich, making me more comfortable. She sat with the band geeks again and I with my friends. I kept looked towards her and caught her staring a few times.

During English, we both lightly chuckled when Mrs. Morris said that there have been rumors that Shakespeare was a homosexual. Mrs. Morris looked at us like were immature and stupid. That would probably fit her other students better, so she better fucking give someone else the bitch face.

I met Bella in the library again. It was a little cooler, but the temperature still made me to take my sweater off and bitch at Bella. She didn't give a shit what I said and didn't remove her sweater.

There was a picture of Leonardo DiCaprio as Romeo in the book.

"Not a lot of people say this, but I like the 1996 version. It's cool," I said, and Bella nodded.

"Yeah, it's very artsy," she said.

"I like the music. It was sick!"

"I like the coloring of the sets and their clothes; everything was so colorful. It set the mood in every scene."

"Fuck the colors Bella," I laughed and she rolled her eyes.

"Fine!" She said, rolling her eyes again. "I used to… um…"

"Say it…"

"I used to be in love with Leonardo DiCaprio," she said and I laughed.

"What? That pussy?"

"He is not a pussy!" She said defensively. I had to laugh again, but she didn't smile. I felt like an ass.

"So you loved him, huh?" I said, trying to get back to the conversation.

"No, I was _in _love with him," she said, and finally smiled. "I got over it in a month." I laughed again.

"Poor Leo."

"I'm sure he'll survive."

That was all the small talk we had. We said nothing for the rest of the hour. Our only words were about homework when I pretended to be stupid. Bella was a damn nerd. She knew shit I didn't. It shocked me when she said she was still behind in some classes. Why the hell is she not doing her homework?

The next day Bella didn't go to lunch, but I was too chicken shit to look for her. During our tutoring session, I noticed she was wearing a Beatles bracelet.

"_Helter Skelter_…" I said. She looked up from her homework.

"What?" she asked confused.

"Best Beatles' song" I said. She shook her head.

"_I am the Walrus_," she mumbled

"What? I'll take _Elenor Rigby_."

"No, _While My Guitar Gently Weeps_," she said. I hung my head in defeat.

"Ok, you win. Shit," I said. She smiled. It was weird seeing Bella smile. She had been doing that a lot lately. Maybe I _was_ getting somewhere. Maybe I _was_ getting to her.

"Who gave you the bracelet?" I asked, and she looked at it.

"A friend sent it to me in the mail," she said. I have no idea why I was angered by that. Here I was thinking I was the one responsible for her good mood. I shouldn't have asked.

"What friend?" I asked. I probably sounded like an ass doubting she had a friend.

"A friend… I do have one friend," she said sadly. I didn't push it, I would find out later; I just had to be patient.

"Why didn't you go to lunch?" I asked.

"I brought my own and I sat outside," she said as she started writing.

"Oh," I should have looked for her. She is still so closed up. All I know is that she likes to draw, had once loved Leo DiCaprio, likes The Beatles and has a friend who I already hate. Maybe I'm not such a great conversationalist. Maybe that's because I'm forcing it. I should just let things flow.

"Have the Whores bothered you?"

"Nope. Is that because of you?" She asked. She had stopped writing.

"Yeah, I told them to lay off." Bullshit. I hadn't done shit. It was probably Rosalie trying to make me look good. I mentally thanked her as Bella smiled at me. She pushed her glasses up her nose and shook her head.

"Thank you," she sighed. "I don't trust you Edward, but I believe you in this. I guess I do have a little trust. I know once this is over you won't care if they bother me, but I appreciate your current help. A little peace is good. You have no idea how great it is," she said and continued writing.

"Do they… do they bother you a lot?" I asked. She said nothing. Her silence answered my question. Fucking bitches had nothing else to do. I sighed. "Bella if they bother you again, or if anybody else wants to start shit now, or even after this tutoring shit, you tell me. Alright?" I asked, and again she said nothing. "Bella I'm talking to you…"

"Okay," she simply said.

"Okay," I agreed.

"Why?" She asked.

"Why what?"

"Why do you care?" She asked. She wouldn't look at me.

_Well maybe because I wanna get into your pants._

_You're full of shit Cullen. Not once did you think about fucking Bella while you said all that._

"I owe you, and I'm feeling nice, so take fucking advantage," I said and she nodded.

"I will. But we aren't friends Edward. I know you. So quit acting like we are."

"You don't fucking know me," I said, annoyed. "But you're fucking right. We aren't friends," I said and I almost slapped myself. This wasn't getting me anywhere. This was my normal jackass self coming out. I wasn't going to impress her.

"I meant you don't have to act friendly with me if you don't want to. This is just a deal." I swear I was going to yell. She thought this was forced on me?

_It sort of is_

We said nothing again. After a few minutes I took a neatly folded piece of paper out of my pocket and placed it by Bella's hand.

"I am friendly," I said as she looked at the paper. "I found this and thought I'd return it to you." She gently took the paper and unfolded it with shaky hands. Her eyes widened when she realized it was her drawing.

"How… how did you find this?" She asked, biting her lip after she spoke. I didn't understand her nervousness. Her hands were shaking. She quickly hid them in her lap under the table, taking the drawing with her.

"You dropped it in the hall after you left me when you freaked out that one day," I said and she just looked down at the table.

"Please don't tell anybody about my drawing…" she said lowly, almost in a whisper.

"Why would I?"

"Just don't."

"Ok, I won't. Shit!" She said nothing in return. She just took in a shaky breath.

"Thank you for returning it to me. You must think I'm weird." She shook her head.

"No. If you'd read my writing, you'd think I was weird," I said, and she nodded.

"So what does the drawing mean? I mean… if you don't wanna tell me that's fine..." She shook her head.

"I wish I could tell you. I just don't know anymore," she said. She almost seemed hesitant to continue but she did. "I just draw. There is no plan. That's what comes out. It's as if someone else lives inside of me and she shows up when I start drawing. Maybe it's my real self and I just keep her inside, hidden, when I'm not drawing," she said and then rolled her eyes. "I'm silly."

"No!" I answered quickly. _What the hell?_

"I mean, I know what you mean," I said and she gave me a soft smile.

Bella didn't show up to school the next day. I didn't let it bother me too much. It didn't bother me; I just wish I knew what the hell kept her from school and our tutoring.

_It doesn't bother me._

It just felt weird not going to tutoring today and not bugging her during lunch.

"Ready to get wasted tonight?" Emmett asked. He slapped my back as we walked into our house.

"I'm always ready," I said and he slapped me again. It fucking hurt. "Blue fuck balls Emmett! That shit hurts!" I said and he chuckled.

We got ready and Esme asked for us to be back by 2:00 AM knowing we wouldn't keep our promise. She just waved us on and asked us not do anything stupid. Mom is still so innocent. We planned to do as much stupid shit as we could.

Alice rode with us to Mike's party, talking to Jasper on the phone the whole ride there, while Emmett played his shit music. I swear I'll end up killing one of them. Maybe both of them.

When we got to the party, it was already packed and full of booze and fucked up people.

Home.

Jasper greeted Alice with a hug and kiss while Emmett walked over to Rosalie who was with Tanya and the two hound dogs. I went over to Ben and Mike, who were smoking some weed and drinking. They let me take a hit, but I was rudely interrupted by someone's nasty ass hands rubbing up my chest.

"Hey baby," Tanya whispered in my ear and my whole body shook. Not with lust, but out of fucking disgust. She stood behind me and wrapped her arms around my waist.

"Hey."

"How 'bout you come with me to get something to drink?"

"Nah, I'm fine."

"But baby…" she said rubbing herself on my ass.

"Fucking shit, Tanya. I said no! Fuck off!" I yelled, and Mike and Ben started laughing.

"Fuck you Edward!" she yelled and stomped off.

She'll come back.

I sat on the couch in the Newton's living room, while everyone laughed and danced. I drank a beer, well a few beers, and smoked. Rosalie came up to me and yelled at me for hurting Tanya's feelings. I pissed her off even more when I asked if Tanya even had feelings. She went back to Emmett. Alice and Jasper stopped by. When they realized I wasn't listening to them, they just left without saying goodbye.

I sat there for about thirty minutes saying nothing and doing nothing, just getting fucking high and drunk. I stared at the wall and ignored the couple making out on the other end of the couch.

There it is again.

_That fucking feeling._

I sighed loudly.

I have to leave. Now!

I stood up, tripping a little. I could feel the alcohol running in my veins like poison. I wasn't a violent drunk, more like a depressed drunk. Being around people only made it worse. I walked out the front door of the Newton's home and the cold assaulted my face, but I didn't care.

It's getting boring; the same routine every weekend and the same endless parade of bullshit. I'm sick of being angry and dissatisfied with my lot and not knowing why. I'm tired of getting shitfaced and people always being pissed at me for the way I am. To be honest I'm tired of myself. I'm just a whiny and brooding asshole.

I walked for a very long-ass time. I almost tumbled to the ground a few times, but danced around to gain my balance. I didn't care if I got lost. The night was silent in this small-ass town. I could hear my feet crush the gravel and plants as I walked. I let my feet take me where they wanted; my mind didn't know where it wanted to go, but my feet seemed to. That makes no sense. I'm wasted.

It reminded me of the night I lost everything; the night I lost myself. I could almost hear the sirens again.

Fuck that shit.

I didn't know where I wanted to go. Not the meadow, and not the little cabin Carlisle built for me when I was ten. I haven't gone there in months.

I just wanted to get away, maybe figure out what the hell has me so low all the fucking time. Or maybe find something to fix this shit. I can't find that the fix at home or in drugs. Everything just depresses me. I need something stronger, I just don't know what it is.

I walked for a while. I was in the middle of nowhere and really fucked up, yet I was still aware of things. I walked through the woods and onto a freeway. It wasn't until I started passing a familiar house that I realized I had finally reached civilization again.

Shit.

It's Bella's house.

There was only a pickup truck and Bella's fugly-ass Chevy in the driveway. The police cruiser was gone. There were a few lights on.

Hmm.

Maybe I should ask Bella personally why she missed school today.

_You are high and fucked up!_

I snuck onto the Swan's property. I slowly approached a few windows on the first floor and I found where the kitchen, living room and some other room were, but no Bella.

Second floor?

Shit.

I looked up and noticed a light was on in one of the rooms. That room had a small balcony, thank my lucky stars.

Hope it's her.

There was a large tree right in front of the balcony. It didn't look difficult to climb, but then again I was wasted.

Hope its Bella.

My first attempt at climbing the tree failed. I fell and hit the side of my head on tree. The bark fucking hurt like a motherfucker.

"Fucking stupid mother nature!" I grumbled and kicked the tree. My foot hurt and the side of head stung, but I ignored the pain and began climbing the damn tree again.

It wasn't so hard, but I bet it would have been easier if I wasn't so fucked up.

I finally crawled my way to the window and lightly dropped myself into the balcony. I groaned as the damn bark scratched my belly and my hands. It would suck big blue balls if this wasn't Bella's room. I slowly approached the window, trying to be sneaky, but my ungraceful drunken state probably was bound to get me caught.

I peeked through the glass balcony door as I hid my body behind the wall off the house.

I caught a bed with a purple comforter and a night stand, but I couldn't see much more. I stretched my neck more to get a better look into the room. The lights were on, so there had to be someone in there. I kept searching the room until I saw her.

Fucking Bella.

She sat on the floor with her legs crossed underneath her and a large sketchbook in her face. She wasn't wearing her glasses and she looked… different. She wore a white tank top that was a little wet from her hair and some gray sweat pants. I guess Bella had just showered. Her hair seemed darker and it made her look paler than usual.

Bella was biting her lower lip and wrinkling her forehead in concentration as she drew on the paper. I chuckled. I placed a hand over my mouth hoping she didn't hear me, but she didn't flinch. There were a few sheets of paper on the floor all around her and some thick black thick pencils.

I stared at her through the window like a damn stalker. Bella was interesting to stare at. In her sleep and while she's drawing, Bella seems to put down her walls and her fears. It must be exhausting to always be in the defensive.

I gently knocked on the door, but she didn't move. I knocked harder, but again Bella didn't move.

Is she fucking deaf?

I tried to open the door and almost gasped when I realized it was open. Why the hell is her door unlocked? There are crazy motherfuckers out there!

_Yeah, like you, you douche!_

I gently opened the door all the way and it wasn't until I stepped into Bella's room that she looked up.

"Ah!" She screamed and threw her sketch book. Several sheets of paper flew up around her and drifted to the floor.

"Shh!" I said placing a finger over my mouth. She stared at me wide-eyed and gasping for air. Her chest moved up and down. Then she furrowed her eyebrows in anger as realization hit her and she snatched the head phones out of her ears.

"Oh… that's why you didn't hear…" I whispered. She looked pissed and tried to stand up, but stumbled a bit and I chuckled.

"What the hell are doing here? You scared the shit out of me!" She said, throwing her mp3 player on her bed.

"Jus' came for a visit!" I said. I'm sure I was slurring.

"You can't be here… _he_ might… oh my god! If _he _finds you here… oh no… Is my door locked?" She started panicking and shaking.

What the hell?

She rushed to her door and pulled and turned the knob, making sure it was locked, and then rushed to her balcony window and looked out.

"If you're looking for your dad, he isn' here!" I said. I'm sure I was still slurring.

"It doesn't mean that he won't be here later!" She griped and turned to face me.

"Get out! You just…" She stopped when she looked at my face. "Are you… are… are you high?" She asked in shock. She walked up to me and sniffed. "Oh my god, you are! You smell like that crap and… beer! Edward, get the hell out of my room!" She said, angrily pointing to her balcony door.

"Why aren't you wearing your glasses?"

"I don't need them to see up close and they get in my way when I draw… why am I even talking to you? Leave!"

"But I wanted to know why you didn't come to school today?"

"And you couldn't wait for Monday?"

"No_p_e." I said popping the p. She sighed.

"I didn't feel so good…"

"Liar!" I screamed. I was so wasted.

"Shut up! My mom is still here!" She said, panicked. I placed a hand over my mouth. I was about to give her a cheeky smile when my eyes caught the decorations on the walls of Bella's room… and ceiling. Large drawings covered every space of the walls and some drawings were on the ceiling over her bed.

"Dude…" I gawked as my eyes slowly examined each drawing.

They were awesome drawings. Drawings of people, animals, places and other abstract shit covered even the corners of the room. They weren't regular teenage drawings, the kind you find on a stupid kid's binder or as their art project. They were fucking professionally done.

Most of the pictures were kind of sad. Besides the one or two happy ones and the few abstract drawings, the room was full of melancholy. Bella was crazy, but an artsy crazy. I bet they would look better if I wasn't so high and wasted, but even in this state I could appreciate her craft.

"This is freaking cool Bella. It's like, I'm lost in here… but a good lost… they make me sad though and I don't know why," I said. She said nothing. I kept looking around and I could feel her staring back at me.

I stumbled to one that caught my eye. It was man sitting on a bench. He had his face in his hands so that I could only see half of his face, and a journal sat by his side.

"Wait… that one looks like me…"

"Edward, get out!" Bella said in a worried tone of voice. I turned to look at her.

"Chill, Bella I was just…"

I've never see Bella in a short sleeved shirt. Now I know why. As my eyes scanned her arms I could feel the chill run down my spine and I think I even winced.

Bella's arms were covered in bruises and marks.

Small and large, light and dark, red and purple bruises ran along her arms. Some looked a few days old and some looked a few weeks older. But the one that made my mouth drop was the one on her right arm. It fucking looked like a giant-ass hand print. I could make out the fingers on her small and pale arm, all fucking five of them.

"Oh shit…" I heard myself whisper. Bella looked at me, confused, and then looked at herself to see what I was staring at.

"Um…" she let out a shaky breath and rushed to her closet, bumping me out of the way as I stood in the middle of her room. As Bella dug in her closet, I realized how skinny she was. Not scary or gross skinny, but she was so damn thin and small. She looked so fragile.

Bella pulled her damn green sweater out of her closet and put it on.

"Edward I think you should just leave."

"Bella… who did that to you?" I asked and though I was drunk I could hear the honest concern and interest in my voice. I just hoped it sounded the same to her.

"Edward… please…." She pleaded and her eyes began to water. "Just go…" her voice was shaky and painful.

"Is that why you like that green sweater?" I asked lowly, and she said nothing. She looked down and began rocking back and forth. Her face turned red and she fought hard to keep her tears from escaping.

Bella was tough. Deep down, she was tough.

"I'm so… Bella… I'm sor…" My apology for intruding into Bella's space was interrupted by a loud and hard knock at the door. Bella jumped and it almost seemed her feet left the ground.

"Isabella! Open this fucking door right now!" A man yelled. Bella's eyes widened and her breathing quickened.

"Oh my god," she whispered in panic and desperation. She walked over to me and grabbed me by the arm. She pushed me inside her closet. "This is my fucking house! Open this door! Now!" The man yelled again, pounding against the door.

"Bella, who's that?" I asked. I was beginning to be afraid. I could see fear in Bella's eyes, pure fucking fear. Her eyes were red and her lower lip trembled. Her big brown eyes looked like they were going to pop out of her eye sockets and she gasped for air.

She was so fucking scared.

"Shh! Just stay in here okay." Her hands trembled as they still held my chest.

"Don't move. Don't say anything. If you see anything happen…" she paused and took in a shaky breath. "If you see anything happen, don't try and be the hero. You can't be the hero here, Edward. Just let whatever happens happen," she said, and closed the closet door in my face.

The man pounded on Bella's door again, causing some of her drawings to fall off the wall. I could still see through the closet door, but I was hidden… she wasn't.

"Open the fucking door!" The man yelled again, and… Bella did what she was told.


	9. Bullet Proof

**WOW thanks for the reviews guys. I had a smile from ear to ear!**

**So when I first thought of this chapter and made it up in my wormy brain, I always saw it in EPOV. For some reason I decided to then make it BPOV, because of what's to happen after. But after thinking about it long and hard and after some requests by some of you (yeah I'm a push over), I've decided to make this EPOV again. It's a short chapter, which only means another quick update, but we'll finally see Bella's abuse through someone else's eyes and that's important.**

**Though I know you guys saw this coming, I do warn…this chapter contains child…well…B is 18 so physical abuse…not sexual. I don't know why I always think sexual, right away when someone says child or physical abuse…anyway, so be cautious and remember this is fiction and there is always light at the end of the tunnel.**

**Thanks to __****lizde once again for beta'ing this.**

Ch 9/Edward/Bullet Proof

"_Shh! Just stay in here okay." Her hands trembled as they still held onto my chest. _

_"Don't move. Don't say anything. If you see anything happen…" she paused and took in a shaky breath. "If you see anything happen, don't try and be the hero. You can't be the hero here, Edward. Just let whatever happens happen," she said and closed the closet door in my face._

_The man pounded on Bella's door again, some of her drawings to fall off the wall. I could still see through the closet door, but I was hidden… she wasn't._

"_Open the fucking door!" The man yelled again and… Bella did what she was told…_

I didn't know what to expect.

In my inebriated state I really didn't have complete control of myself, let alone the ability to think about someone else's well being. I had to hold on to the closet wall just to keep myself from falling over. But my eyes didn't lie. My mind was still well aware of what was going on. If I had known what I was about to see before seeing it, I would have wished to be passed out so I wouldn't witness it.

Nobody should see this. Then again… nobody should have to go through this.

Clearly what was at the other side of Bella's door wasn't good news. As she walked to the door, I kept seeing her face in my mind before she had closed the door on me. The way Bella's pale skin turned red and her brown eyes widened, and the way her small body shook; it wasn't the typical response to a knock on the door. It wasn't how a girl acts when her daddy comes home.

I tried to control my breathing. I was going to get caught, and fuck I was scared. Scared for what was going to happen, not to me, but to Bella.

With shaky hands Bella unlocked her door and I swear to god I almost wanted to run to her and stop her. What the fuck is on the other side? I didn't wanna know!

The asshole didn't even let Bella open the door. A tall man with brown hair and a built stature pushed the door open, causing Bella to jump back. The door hit the wall so hard that more drawings fell off the walls. The man, who now I recognized as Charles Swan, walked in. He had the fucking devil in his eyes and fire as breath.

He grabbed Bella by the arm and hurled her across the room. Bella grunted as she bumped into her metal bed frame. She held her arm as Charles walked into her room.

It looked like it hurt.

"Why the fuck didn't you open the door? I hate it when you lock the door. This is my fucking house! It's a fucking slap to my fucking face. Why do you fucking disrespect me like that Isabella? Why?" Charles spat. Bella didn't say anything. She stood on top of her drawings hunched down and holding her arm. She was shaking violently.

Because of the way she was hunched down I couldn't see her face. But I could hear her quick breathes and feel her fear in my skin.

"I asked you a fucking a question…" he whispered. His husky voice caused chills to run down my spine, and I could only imagine what it was doing to Bella.

_Do something!_

I couldn't. I would only make it worse. I was too fucking stoned and weak. He would kill us both.

_Are you just going to hide here like a fucking pussy and watch this happen to her?_

Maybe he won't hit her.

_Fuck you, you piece of shit!_

I wanted to do something. But…

"Hello? I'm talking to you Isabella…" Charles whispered. He was very calm, like the kind of calm you see serial killers use in movies, the kind that would make anybody shit their pants.

Do something Bella! Tell him to fuck off! Come on! I was in Bella's corner, but unfortunately for her I was useless at the moment.

"For fuck sakes Isabella, I knew you were a fucking retard and fucking blind, but I didn't think you were deaf. I…" he paused and took a deep breath. He suddenly and violently bent down, picked up Bella's big, thick sketch book and threw it at her. Sheets of used and blank sketch paper flew around her.

Bella let out a loud whimper as the spine of the sketch book hit her ribs. She covered her face with her arms in instinctive protection, but it was no use.

"I asked you a fucking question…" Charles whispered again. Calmly… evilly…

"I... I… uh…. um I was… I was… I was in the in the… shower sir," she finally managed to say in a broken voice. She kept her head down. Charles seemed to rejoice in Bella's fear.

Fucking bastard.

I had to bite down on my lower lip and dig my nails into the wall to keep from busting through the door and kicking the shit out of him. But I held it in. I knew I would probably do Bella more harm than good, as stoned and fucked up as I was.

"Why are you wearing that fucking sweater?"

"I… I um…" Bella struggled, and Charles sighed loudly, making her jump.

"Fucking retard, talk!" He finally yelled.

"I was cold!" Bella yelped.

"Then why is the balcony door open?"

Shit…

Guilt ran through my body and I shuddered.

"I…" Bella didn't know what to come up with and I fucking feared what was going to happen next. "I was… I was outside on the balcony…" she managed. It sounded plausible. Right?

He had to believe her!

"You're a fucking retard. Say it!" He ordered. Once again, his voice was calm and dark, but Bella didn't move or say anything. She finally looked up at him, shaking. He just looked down at her with his nostrils flaring, waiting for her to humiliate herself.

He was so fucking tall compared to Bella. She looked like a child standing next to him. He was a fucking scary-ass monster.

"Say it. Say you're a retard," he said again. He slapped her arm, causing her to move a little. I held in a growl. I dug my nails deeper into the wall. I could feel the anger boiling in my blood, the heat in my face. I fought back the nausea caused partly by the beer, but more by what I was witnessing. I swear I could taste the venom of hate and anger I felt towards Bella's father in my mouth.

What the fuck is wrong with him?

"Say it!" He barked, and Bella flinched. Then he slapped her arm again, a little harder this time. Bella whimpered. "Say you're a retard!" He slapped her arm yet again, even harder than before. So hard I could hear her skin through the cloth of her green sweater. "Say it!" He slapped her again, so hard the impact caused Bella to jump. She kept her balance and said nothing. I mentally begged her just to say it already so he would fuck off, but Charles had already lost his patience.

"Close the fucking door!" He yelled, and roughly grabbed Bella by the arm again. He pulled her towards the balcony door. Bella looked like a rag doll as she was being pulled. He threw her against the door and Bella let out a grunt as she stopped the impact with her hands.

With shaky hands, she closed the door. She was just about to turn and face Charles, who was standing behind her, when took her by the arm again. Always the same arm.

He roughly pulled her to the middle of the room again. He pulled her so hard and violently her feet seemed to come off the floor. He treated her like a damn toddler who had just done something bad.

I could finally see Bella's face. It was blank. There was no emotion, but her cheeks were wet and tear stained.

Bella's feet caught on some of the sheets of paper and she slipped, falling face first onto the carpet. As she fell, Charles lost his grip on her arm and he dropped it. She crawled a little and tried to pick herself up, but Charles knelt in front of her and put a hand over the back of her small neck. He wrapped his fingers around it, and held her down. He kept her head down like a damn dog. She ended up facing down, with her hair hanging like a curtain covering her face. Bella held herself up with her elbows and forearms and balled her hands into fists.

"Do you know why I'm upset Isabella?" Charles asked nonchalantly, as if making innocent conversation with his daughter. Bella didn't answer and Charles sighed.

"Tim, Port Angeles' Chief of Police, left. The pussy got offered a better position in Seattle. Do you know how long he's been Chief of Police in Port Angeles?" He asked, and sighed again. "He's been there six years. Do you know how long I've been Chief of Police in this shithole of a town? I've been here since I got your mother knocked-up during her senior year in high school. I became Chief when you were a toddler. That means I've been here for-fucking-ever and Tim 'the pussy' got the promotion!" Charles yelled, still holding unto Bella's neck.

"Now I have to work the night shift in Port Angeles until they find a replacement, leaving Sal in charge in Forks! Do you think that's fair?" Charles yelled. He pressed Bella's face further down into the carpet. She whimpered again. I grabbed onto a piece of her clothing with my free hand. My other hand was still holding onto the wall.

"And then I get home and your fucking piece-of-shit mother isn't here! Or maybe she _is_ here but there's no food cooked and the house looks like shit. And then that bitch has the audacity to get sick, if you know what I mean by sick! She's still sick from this morning and she fucking puked on the bathroom floor! I thought I told you to take care of her and her mess!" He said. He pushed on her neck again and Bella began breathing heavily.

"You spend all fucking day in this room drawing your pathetic shit, and you do nothing around the house. Well, since I'll probably be gone all night and tomorrow morning, I want this house clean by the time I get home." He began poking her ribs with every word. "You. Isabella. Will. Promise. Me. To. Clean the house and take care of the shit mess your fucking mother made by the time I come back tomorrow evening." He poked her extra hard when he said the word "evening" and Bella finally let out a cry.

"Do you promise me Isabella? Huh Isabella? Isabella… I can't hear you. Isabella…"

He kept repeating "Isabella" over and over again. Now I understood why Bella hated the name. Her sorry excuse of a father wouldn't let it go. He had tainted the name. He made it repulsive.

"Yes…" Bella whimpered, her voice muffled by the position she was in. She took in a shaky breath and coughed, choking on her saliva and tears.

"Yes what Isabella?" Charles asked. What more does this fucked-up bastard need?

"I… I promise to… to cle… to clean the house and take care of mom," Bella said, and I felt her pain. I could hear the tears in her voice. I held back my own tears, and bit down on my tongue. My hands were trembling now and I had forgotten how to breathe.

In that moment I realized why Bella hadn't gone to school today. I almost completely fell apart thinking how pissed I was at her for missing school. I'm such an idiot. I'm such a fucking idiot.

"That's my girl!" Charles yelled, and finally let go of Bella's neck.

She fell on her side, facing down. Charles stood up and dusted his knees off. Bella slowly sat up, still looking down. Her shaking had stopped, but I couldn't really see her face, so it was hard to tell what was going through her mind.

"Well, I have to go. I've got to make it to Port Angeles and start my new fucking job," Charles said. He knelt in front of Bella and balanced himself on the back of his heels. He placed a finger under Bella's chin and gently, slowly, even lovingly placed a kiss on Bella's forehead. Bella didn't flinch or move while his fucking lips brushed her forehead. He stood up again and made his way out of the room, stepping on Bella's drawings on his way out. He turned the lights off in her room and slammed her door shut.

I waited.

I waited to feel his heavy foot steps to disappear.

I waited for Bella to react and decide to open the closet door.

Eventually I couldn't hear or feel Charles' footsteps anymore, but Bella never reacted. She stayed on the floor, staring down. I waited a minute more, now knowing how to move or how to react.

Shit.

I decided to quit being a pussy, and with a shaky hand I opened the closet door. Bella didn't flinch or look towards me. I slowly made my way over to her and stood in front of her, but she still didn't look up. Her face was blank and she was not blinking. Her mouth was sealed shut and her eyes were partially closed. I took a deep breath, still feeling nauseated and shaken by what had happened.

Through it all, I could feel my true self coming back. _Now_ the fucking weed and alcohol decide to wear off!

I got on my knees in front of Bella. She wasn't blinking and she only took light breaths. She looked dead, and if it wasn't for the gentle rise and fall of her chest and her rocking back and forth, I would've believed she was.

Maybe I was right in a way. Bella was dead… inside.

"Bella?" I whispered. She didn't react to her name.

"Hey Bella, come on." I gently placed my hand on her knee, shaking it a little.

"You have to snap out of this," I said, but it was no use. One of her lamps was still on and between that and the moonlight coming through the window I could still see her. She had a rug burn on her forehead. It was red. Her face was tear stained, yet there were no more tears coming out of her eyes. She was holding them in, but I could tell she wanted to cry. Her nostrils flared and her eyes and nose were red.

"Just let it out Bella. I won't say anything. I won't tell anybody. I swear. Just let it out. It'll hurt less… I swear," I whispered. Just as the words left my mouth, Bella let go of the tears.

They came down her cheeks like water from a stream and she let out a shaky sigh as if she was relieved that she could cry. She sat with her back leaning against her bed and her hands in her lap, and I slowly moved to her side, leaning against the bed as well.

I don't know how long I sat there with her. My back was starting to hurt and my ass cheeks fell asleep. But for the first time in a long time I didn't pay attention to my own pain. I just sat there with someone else's.

At first all I heard were Bella's whimpers, sniffles and shaky breaths. What do I say? What do you say to people with fucked-up parents? What do you say?

I couldn't leave. I didn't even have to think about that. It was late, and my parents would be going psycho, but I couldn't make myself move. Bella looked down the whole time. She didn't even look at me, but I couldn't just leave.

I can't.

I won't.

My phone started to vibrate in my pocket. I almost sighed in annoyance, but I held it in. It was a text from Alice.

_Where are you?_

I texted her back.

_Don't worry. I'm okay. Let Mom and Dad know._

A few seconds later she texted back: _K._

I took a look at the time on my phone. It was 2:45 in the morning. We'd probably been sitting here for two hours. I put my phone in my pocket and returned to what I was doing before. Nothing.

I wished there was more I could do or say. Bella didn't look too good, but I didn't know her and she didn't know me. Though now I felt like I knew her better than I ever thought I would. There was something in Bella that she hadn't told anybody about. There was someone inside that nobody at school had bothered to notice. Nobody ever noticed, especially not me.

I've never wanted to comfort anybody in my life, not even Esme who is practically my mother. Every time Esme cries about anything, or when she cries because of me, I just walk away without apologizing. I know I'm a complete asshole, but I can't bring myself to be that soft and comforting person. It's not me. It's out of my comfort zone. Somehow I feel like I'll lose. I'll feel weak.

Yet now, as I sit in a somewhat stranger's room, and all I wanna do is find a way to comfort her. I want to comfort a stranger. I wanna make Bella feel better. I drowned in the questions I had and the ideas that formed in my head while I listened to her quiet breathing.

_How long has this been going on?_

_Does that bastard do this often?_

_Has he done… anything else to her? Anything worse…_

_Is that why Bella is so paranoid?_

_Shit!_

_What do I do?_

_Do I tell anybody?_

_Has she told anybody?_

No, of course she hasn't. Why would she still be here under his roof? But why is she still here? She's eighteen already, why doesn't she just run away? Or move out, or whatever. Why doesn't she just get away? That asshole is probably the one who gave her all those bruises.

I turned to look at Bella and I realized her whimpers and crying had stopped. Bella's head was leaning forward and she wasn't moving.

Shit.

I scooted my ass in front of her so I could see her face better. She was asleep. She had fallen asleep on the floor with her face still wet and with her lower lip between her teeth.

"Oh Bella," I whispered and tucked the tangled strands of her hair behind her ears.

I took a deep breath and stood up. My back griped at me and my ass cheeks were numb, but again I ignored it. I bent down and placed one arm under her knees and threaded the other under her arm to get it around her back. Then I gently lifted her up. I wrapped my arms under her knees and back and held her close to me. I didn't know if I was still partially drunk or stoned and though I felt fine, I still had to make sure I wouldn't drop her.

It still startled me how small and light Bella was. Her hand grabbed my shirt as if holding on for dear life. It didn't bother me this time that she was clinging to me.

"_My Edward,"_ she whispered lovingly.

It confused and scared the hell out of me, but I decided to ignore it. She must be having a nightmare or something. That didn't explain why she said my name so lovingly, but me being in someone else's dream could only be frightening. I slowly made my way to her bed and gently placed her on her on top of it. I was going to move away, but she held on to my shirt. Bella's grasp was strong and she seemed to _need_ to hold on to me. I was afraid if I pulled her hand away it would only startle her.

I guess I'm spending the night in Bella's bed. I'm sure Rosalie would be proud… that bitch.

I gently pushed Bella so she was facing me. I hovered over her, trying to make my way to the other side of the bed. Her grasp on my shirt only tightened so I jumped to the other side. This was complicated, but I made it work. I lay down on the other side of Bella with her hand still gripping my now wrinkled shirt. I pulled the covers over us, hoping her sadistic father or her mother wouldn't walk into her room.

I felt something under my back and I grabbed it.

It was an old mp3 player, not an iPod, but the kind that first came out when it was suddenly cool to have mp3 players. I would be surprised if her jackass father bought her one… I wonder how she got it.

I lay there on Bella's bed with her mp3 player in my hand. I looked at the song she was listening to when I had barged in. It was _Bullet Proof… I wish I was_ by Radiohead.

The irony…

Bella wasn't bullet proof, and how I wished she was. I bet she wished she was too.

Maybe she is, in a way. Bella has had to put up with this shit and then go to school and put up with that shit for years… and she's still alive. Any weak person would have ended their own misery or run away. But Bella, for some unknown reason… was still here. She still went to school and put up with shit, and she still lived with her dad.

She is bullet proof, because she has not died.

I stared at her sleeping form. It was strange the comfort that it gave me. Bella in her dreams was safe. Nobody could harm her there. The soft expression on her face was contagious. Her lip was still between her teeth. I gently took her chin with my fingers and pulled it out, and she sighed.

I reached over and put her mp3 player on top the night stand and turned back to Bella. Just as I turned to face her, she pulled me closer and snuggled into my chest. I lay on my back as she snuggled herself in so that her head was now on my chest, still holding on tightly to my shirt.

I let her.

I hoped my heart wouldn't wake her, as it was pounding against my chest and probably against her ear. I was nervous and confused. If felt like she needed me… its weird to feel needed. I've never felt that.

How did I get here?

One moment I was excited because I was going to get high and shit-faced, the next I was witnessing something horrendous that still haunts me, and now… I'm lying on Bella's bed with her sleeping on my chest.

Bella, the Swan… the girl I pick on… the girl. Everyone picks on her.

She's the girl I'm supposed to destroy.

As my eyes began to close for some very needed sleep… I couldn't help but think…

Bella is already destroyed.

Broken.

Now I have this heavy weight on my shoulders. I know something Bella probably wouldn't ever share with anybody. I need to know more about her. It's a strange need I have. I can never go back now. I'm stuck and somehow it doesn't bother me. It only makes me curious. I want to know what's been going on.

This wasn't supposed to happen. I wasn't supposed to feel bad for Bella, or be curious about her life. Everyone expects something of me… my friends expect something… since when do I care?

_Since you just saw what you saw!_

What am I going to do?


	10. She's So Sick

**Again, I love you guys for the reviews and the lovely comments. As an aspiring writer (though I need to proofread better haha, but I'm just so excited) the reviews and sweet comments make me so happy. **

**More info at the end of this chapter, but now…**

**Bella…nuff said. **

**Thanks to Lizde. You my dear are awesome.**

Ch 10/Bella/She's So Sick

I don't know what I was dreaming about, but I liked it.

Sometimes dreams haunt me throughout the day. It doesn't matter if it was a nightmare or a good dream, they haunt me. Surprisingly, the worst dreams _are_ the good dreams. They are a reminder of what could have been or what once was. When you've lived in peace for a brief moment, or have seen what it's like, but you have to go back to living in hell, its torture.

Living in hell burns and hurts, while the cruel memories of love and peace smile back from far away. They wave at you and though they mean no harm, I can't help but hate them. I'd rather live in ignorance and not know what I live in. Its best not to know that there is something better out there.

Yeah, life is better with your eyes closed. Especially, if your small hopes of something better melt away each day in the hell you live in.

My body began to wake up before my brain. My arms were sore… yet again, reminding me that I'm still alive. As if I need reminders. It doesn't matter how many times he does it, it hurts each time and the soreness is present each morning.

I sighed, still mostly asleep, and inhaled _that_ scent. It's pathetic that even in my dreams, I can still smell Edward. But then again, in my dreams Edward's holy scent isn't mixed with the scent of weed.

Shit.

The sudden reminder of what had happened brought me wide awake. I sat up and my heart to sped up. I took a deep breath and opened my eyes. I felt him before I saw him. I quickly turned to find Edward lying on my bed, next to me, with his eyes wide open.

On my bed!

"Oh shit…" I yelped and he gave me a crooked smile. I held my chest with one hand and tried to control my breathing.

"You okay?" He asked, and his smile disappeared. I didn't answer right away. I could see daylight coming in through the glass door of the balcony, and Edward was still in my room.

Still in my room and in my bed!

Why?

"What are you still doing here?" I asked. "What _are_ you doing here?" His face turned serious.

"You… um…" he gulped. "You, uh, wouldn't let go of my shirt last night when I helped you into bed. I don't know… I thought if I pulled away it would scare you," he said softly.

"What? Oh my god," I said, embarrassed.

"It's alright Bella. Your bed is more comfortable than mine anyway." He chuckled lightly, trying to lighten the mood. I was about to answer him when I realized where my other hand was. It was resting on top of his.

"You um… uh, you should go. My father…" I said quickly, removing my hand from his.

"I know. He isn't here and even if he was I wouldn't just leave you alone with him today," he said, seriously.

In that moment I remembered that Edward had seen it all. My daily humiliation now had a witness. Someone knew my secret. Someone knew about my ugly bruises. Someone knows about _him_. Someone knows…

I panicked because that someone is Edward Cullen. Edward, the boy who has tortured me for so long, knows. Edward, the boy who seems heartless and acts like a completely inconsiderate mongrel, knows. Edward, the guy who thinks I got him caught smoking weed, knows!

"I just couldn't leave you like this today," he said lowly.

"Don't try and be the hero. And it doesn't matter, it's not like _today_ is any different from yesterday, or any of the other days in the last 18 years of my life."

"It_ is_ different. I saw everything. That's different."

He had seen my humiliation. He had seen how pathetic I was. I felt an overwhelming sense of embarrassment and anger. I rubbed my eyes and covered my face with my hands and took a deep breath. I started rocking back and forth, trying to control myself, though it never worked.

"Oh my god you saw _everything_. I'm so sorry. Shit… I'm so embarr…"

"Hey, why are you apologizing? You're the one who is being abused Bella!"

"Shh! Don't say that!" I griped.

How dare he? He doesn't know me. He doesn't know what's going on!

_Oh yeah, Swan, he's _so_ wrong! You just don't want to admit that your life is fucked up!_

"Why not?" He asked, sitting up. "It's the truth. It's not right Bella. Does he do that to you a lot? Have you told anybody? He's fucked-up in the head! Does your mom know?" He was beginning to suffocate me with his questions and I felt overwhelmed. Plus he was still on my damn bed!

"Has he done anything…"

"Just leave me alone. Something you should have done a long time ago!" I was angry and it wasn't his fault, but I needed to take it out on someone, and he was the one bugging me right now.

"You shouldn't care!" I yelled. I about to jump off the bed when he grabbed my arm, pulling me back down to the edge of the bed.

"Hey wait…" he started to mumble, but when I yelped in pain, he began apologizing like there was no tomorrow.

"Shit I'm sorry, I'm fucking stupid! I totally forgot your arm would be sore. I'm sorry. Shit…" he said, now holding my hand.

I violently pulled away from him and grabbed my upper arm. The pulling away made it hurt worse, and I was pissed.

"I'm sorry Bella…" he continued, now standing in front of me while I sat at the edge of my bed. The pain tingled all the way down to my feet. It was weird.

"Just forget about it!" I yelled, while wincing from the pain. I felt him kneel in front of me, but I didn't look. I couldn't face him.

"I… um, let… let me look at it," he said hesitantly. I could tell he was only saying that because he didn't know what else to do. I didn't need his fakeness.

"No!"

"Bella my dad is a doctor."

"But _you're_ not!"

"But I know about bruises… if you would let me finish!" He snapped.

"It's just sore."

"Well I can help with that too."

"You don't have to. I'm already use to it!" I immediately regretted what I had said. It was only giving him answers. He didn't say anything.

I didn't say anything.

He stared at me for a long, silent moment. His eyebrows were furrowed and his green eyes were soft, but full of questions. He had questions I couldn't answer. I wouldn't answer. I'm not ready. I'm especially not ready to give _him_ answers. He would probably use this against me some day at school just to torture me.

"Please…" I whispered and looked down at my hands in my lap. "Please… don't… don't tell anybody what you saw. If people found out… I… it's just that…"

"Bella," he sighed. "I won't tell anybody if you don't want me to. I'm might be an asshole, but… I'm now... feeling a little weight…" he whispered back.

"And I'm sorry for that… you shouldn't…"

"I'm not angry about knowing. You shouldn't apologize."

"But I'm so embarrassed. You must think…"

"Fuck what I think Bella!" He said.

I was caught off guard and jumped a little. "Sorry," he mumbled, running his fingers through his morning hair. I just shook my head. He sat down next to me on my bed.

I still wondered what he was still doing here.

"Why?" I asked lowly.

"Why what?"

"Why are you here… still? And why are you acting like this? You shouldn't care!"

"What the fuck Bella? You keep saying that shit! What kind of asshole do you think I am? I just saw some horrible shit happen to you. Do you really think I'm that heartless? I was here because I was stupid drunk and I wanted to bother you… yeah I know, 'ass,' but then all that… stuff… happened… and I don't know anymore."

I wasn't actually sure what he was talking about. We sat in silence for a long time, not knowing what to say or how to act around each other. We both stared at the wall in front of us, listening to each other breathe.

"It's ruined," he whispered, and I looked at him in confusion.

"What's ruined?"

"This…" he said, waving at the space between us.

"It's not like I can go on and pretend I don't know you Bella, or that I didn't see what I saw. It's not like I can go on with my life and forget what I know. The fucked up part is that we weren't, and we aren't, friends… yet… and I know this shit about you. I mean…" he sighed as he struggled to say what he meant. "I mean… um… uh… shit. I don't even know… it's like when this kinda' thing happens to a friend you kinda' know what to do. I'm not…"

"You don't have to be my friend just because of what you saw," I mumbled. "You _can_ go on and forget this. You _can_ go on and pretend that you didn't see that. And you will."

"How can you expect me to? How can you expect me to sleep while I know your piece of shit father is tormenting you for no reason?"

"Just stop! Like you said, we aren't friends. We aren't even acquaintances, so it doesn't have to bother you and you don't have to do anything about it. We aren't friends and, if we stay this way, you won't have to force yourself to do anything. You won't have to. I've lived with this all my life. You don't have to be the hero and I don't want your pity. Just think of me as a bad _Lifetime_ movie. You just flip the channel and move on to something else," I said.

He stayed silent, and we went back to staring at the wall. A few minutes passed and I didn't understand what still kept him here. I remembered what my father had said about cleaning and taking care of mom.

MOM!

I jumped a little.

"I um… I have to clean the house and check on my mom, because she's sick. I don't want to kick you out… okay maybe I do… but, um, you should go," I said and he nodded.

"Is that why you didn't go to school yesterday? Because you were taking care of your mother?" He asked.

"Yes," I simply said and he shook his head.

"Can you answer just one more question? Please?" He asked. I didn't understand his pleading, but it didn't matter now.

"I guess."

"Does… does he… does he hit you a lot? Or push you around and talk to you like that?" He asked, almost in a whisper. I avoided his eyes and looked down. II could feel him staring at me, waiting for the answer.

I nodded.

He sighed.

"But actual hitting, he only does that when he's really pissed. And last night he was really pissed. Usually he's not that bad… um… he usually just yells at me and pulls and tugs me around… a lot." I whispered. I could feel the knot forming in my throat.

_DON'T CRY DON'T CRY DON'T CRY!_ _He'll see that you're weak._

I'm an idiot and I'm pathetic. I just want someone to tell me it's alright, but Edward Cullen is not the one for the task. I shouldn't open my mouth around him.

He sighed again while shaking his head and I looked at him. He seemed angry and I didn't know what had pissed him off, but I wasn't going to let him stick around to show me.

"Um, I think I answered your question. Now can…"

"Oh… um yeah," he said, standing up. He stretched and yawned and began walking to the balcony door, but then he stopped and looked around my room.

"Your drawings are ruined… the ones on the floor… that sucks. I bet they were cool like the rest of your drawings," he said and I just shook my head.

"It doesn't matter. I'll just draw them again."

He smiled, looking down at the drawings and the mess Father had made, and then something flashed across his face and he looked at me again.

"Um… can I have a piece of sketch book paper and um… uh… a pencil?"

"You wanna draw?" I asked and he chuckled lightly.

"Um no, I suck at that shit. I don't want to humiliate myself in front of you."

I rolled my eyes and before he could ask again, I grabbed a pencil and a paper from off the floor, making sure it was blank. I handed it to him and he wrote on it.

"Um, do you have a cell phone?" He asked and I shook my head.

"No."

"Um, well…" he said, staring at what he had written and then handing it to me.

"Well, if shit ever gets deep… and… um," he couldn't bring himself to say it, but he wanted to. "If, you know… if you need help with any asshole, just… find a phone and let me know. I'll get here," he said as he opened the balcony door and stepped outside.

"Why?"

"You ask that too much."

"And you need to answer," I said. He smiled.

"It's part of our deal. I have to keep my word."

"But this isn't school and you don't have to. It's not your fault."

"If I remember correctly, I said if anybody wants to start shit with you I'll make them fuck off… I'll just make sure to not get so fucked up from now on. Like it or not Bella, we made a deal. And though I am a jackass, I do keep my word," he said. I just shook my head.

He jumped into my tree and slid down to the ground.

"I can't believe you just did that!" I yelled. He gave me his crooked smile and waved. I waved back, and he ran off.

I walked back into my room and took a look at the piece of paper. It had a phone number and his name on it. He had fancy handwriting, but what had me more amused was that it was his name by that phone number.

Edward.

I took a quick shower, making sure to put on a long sleeve shirt so _She_ wouldn't ask, and headed downstairs.

My parents have not slept in the same room for years. Both of them sleep downstairs, leaving me alone upstairs. I don't mind the arrangement, but it means Father has to use the shower upstairs. I lock my door every night.

I opened the door to Mom's room and I immediately smelled the vomit. I held my breath and walked in. She was slumped over her bed, covered with her blue comforter and a pillow over her face.

"Mom?" I said, and she just moaned.

"Mom do you feel any better?"

"No baby…" she said, her voice muffled by her pillow.

"Do you wanna take a bath?"

"Uh huh."

"Okay, let me get a bath ready."

I walked into the bathroom and saw the vomit on the floor. I held my breath and rushed to the kitchen for a mop and a bucket. I put soap and water into the bucket and ran back. I cleaned up the vomit and put everything back into its place. Then I opened the bedroom window, trying to get air into the room and get rid of the awful smell. I got the bath tub ready with warm water and soap and then I walked over to my mother, who was still buried in her bed.

"Mom, the bath tub is ready," I said.

She removed the pillow from her face. She was pale and her face looked drained of energy. She looked older. Her eyes were tired and red. It reminded of me of yesterday.

_I was about to go to school when Father yelled to me and pulled me into the kitchen._

_He didn't have to go to work until later, but mom got sick last night and didn't cook anything, so he made me cook for him, making me late for school. When I was about to leave again, he stopped me. He barked that I should stay home and take care of Mom while he rested. I spent all day taking care of her, but she wasn't getting any better._

"_Mom, how did you get so sick?" I asked while helping her into bed._

"_Oh baby, it's not the flu," she giggled. "I'm drunk." _

_I knew that. I could smell it on her. But I wanted to know why she had decided to get drunk. My mother never drinks. It's bad for her. She has a weak stomach and diabetes. _

"_What? But mom you never drink."_

"_I know baby, but I had to celebrate with Phil."_

"_Who is Phil mom?"_

"_He's the President of the book club I joined. He got a book deal and wanted to celebrate with us. So I had to. He is so cute Bella! You should see him. He is so young and…" Her voice trailed off and she started to vomit._

I immediately hated this Phil guy, but I ignored the bad feeling I got and pushed it to the back if my mind. But now, seeing my mother likes this, I am reminded of him. I hate him.

I pulled the covers off my mother and she groaned.

"Mom, come on, the bath is ready."

"I have a headache baby."

"I know Mom, but the bath is going to help." I took her by her hands and pulled her up. She almost fell over and I grabbed her by the waist. She is taller than me, and heavier, so this was complicated. My sore arms griped as I tried carrying her, but I ignored them, I had to help my mother. I wrapped her arm around my neck and helped her into the bathroom. I helped her undress, and slowly and gently she stepped into the water and sat down. I got on my knees and grabbed the shampoo bottle.

"This is all wrong, baby. It's all wrong. Wrong."

"What's wrong mom?" I said as I shampooed her hair.

"I'm supposed to take care of you, not the opposite," she sighed. I just continued massaging her scalp.

"Mom I'm not a child anymore. And you _did_ take care of me. When I was a kid, remember?" I lied. I was lying to myself and to her just to make her feel better. We both knew it.

"I didn't… that one day."

"Mom, don't talk about that day anymore. Just forget it," I said and she smiled with no emotion.

"Baby?"

"Yes mom?"

"Have _you_ forgotten about that day? Have you forgiven me… or him?" She asked with watery eyes.

I didn't answer. And she didn't press me. I appreciated it. It hurts to say it. The answer hurts. It's not like me. It's not me. But I can't…

No.

I left my mother in the tub and rushed to the kitchen, grabbed some aspirin and a glass of water and ran back. I gave her the pills and the glass of water. She chugged down the water after popping the pills, and with shaky hands, gave me the empty glass.

I sat there with her until she decided she was ready to get out. I wiped my glasses with my shirt, as the steam from the water had fogged them up, and sat on the toilet with the cover down. My mom fell asleep and whimpered a little, and I just sat there waiting.

Father would be back around noon and it was eight in the morning now. I really had to get moving. I had to clean the house and make lunch, but my mind was distracted.

Is Edward going to tell anybody?

What are his intentions?

He doesn't seem too bad…

_Are you forgetting all the crap he has done to you? Don't you think it's weird that he has yet to ask you why you supposedly told on him during the weed incident?_

Maybe he really isn't holding a grudge? I don't know.

I'm just so embarrassed that he had to see what Father likes to do on his off-time. I don't want any pity. I hate it. It just reminds me of my failure to be a stronger person. It makes me nervous that Edward knows what he knows. What if he tells someone? And what if that someone tells someone else, and then Father hears it from that someone else? Then he'll…

I trembled at the thought.

"Baby?" My mother's voice shook me from my thoughts. I went to her, grabbing her robe on the way, and helped her out of the tub. I helped her dry off and walked her to her bedroom, where I helped her get dressed and get back into bed again.

"Mom, I'm gonna make you some soup and then some chicken for Father. Would you like for me to bring your soup to you in here?" I asked, rubbing her upper arm.

"Oh baby yes. You are an amazing cook. I wanna sleep a little longer though."

"Sure thing," I said as I stood up. This would give me enough time to clean around the house.

"Baby?"

"Yes mom…"

"You're too good. I don't deserve you. He doesn't deserve you. We don't deserve you as a daughter."

She started crying. As the tears fell from her eyes I held mine back. I sat back down on the bed.

"Mom, don't say that." My voice betrayed me and it broke mid sentence.

"It's the truth. But I have hopes. High hopes for you baby. I've been..." she started to whisper as if someone would hear her. She looked around and then back at me.

"I've been saving some money for you baby," she said and took my hand. "All for you baby."

I didn't know what she was talking about. Father rarely gave her money and the little he did give her was hardly enough for food.

"Mom don't worry, I'm gonna get us out of here," I whispered. You can't even trust the damn walls in this house.

"What?" She asked incredulously.

"I'm gonna get us out of here. I've been signing up for all these scholarships and federal help. Mom we can run to California. I can go to college there and we can both get a shitty apartment and shitty jobs. We would be broke for a while, but we could make it on our own. Mom…" I said, squeezing her hand and placing it over my heart. "We can be free," I said. She let out a shaky sigh.

"Free mom. FREE!" She gulped and sat up.

"Oh my baby. My sweet Bella," she whispered and gently kissed my forehead.

I spent the rest of the morning cleaning the house. It was amazing how dirty it had gotten. I played my mp3 player while I cleaned, always looking out the window, just in case Father decided to come home early. Port Angeles was an hour away and the shift he was on usually went from midnight until noon. It was a grueling shift, but Father said it paid well so he usually didn't complain about it.

I didn't complain either, because it meant I could sleep well, without always having to keep one eye open. He would come home, eat and watch some TV, and then spend the rest of the day asleep. I wasn't a loud person and neither was my mom, so he always stayed asleep. It was heaven.

I made some soup for Mom and some fried chicken for Father.

I listened to my mp3 player the whole time. I thanked and loved Jacob for giving it to me on my 13th birthday. He had stolen it and he wasn't ashamed of himself at all. He was broke and I was his best friend and turning 13. At least that was his excuse when I lectured him about it, trying to explain that it was wrong. He was only 11 and too young to go to jail.

We didn't, and don't, have the same taste in music. He's more of a rapper wanna-be and I can't stand that crap. But it didn't matter to either of us. When he gave it to me he said he wanted to help me escape and block everything out.

Jake was the only one that knew about my home life. He comforted me and insisted we run away together. But we were both underage and had no money. What the hell were we going to do? When he told me that Billy had decided to try his luck in business and that it involved them moving to New Mexico, I broke down. He pleaded for my forgiveness, but there was nothing to forgive. It wasn't his fault. It was the first time I had seen tough-ass Jacob Black cry.

He also stole the laptop I have. It was the _shit_ when he got it for me. Now its five years too old, but it still works. I rarely use it. Jake loved telling me about how he almost got caught stealing it. He was so proud of himself. Jake is a bit immature and a trouble maker, but he's a good kid and has a big heart. Everything he stole or got in trouble for, was for me. He stole clothes, books, CDs, and my green sweater.

Half of the stuff I still have is from Jake, and it still fits and works. I make sure to care for those things as my life depended on it. Even if I do feel guilty about what he did, it was nice having someone think about me and do things for me, even if they were illegal. I couldn't help being selfish for once. I felt special.

I miss Jake.

By 1 PM Father was still not home. I took Mom her soup and she slowly ate it and went back to sleep, promising me she would cook me a big meal tomorrow. I doubted it, but didn't question her.

Father finally came home around two, looking worn out. He had bags under his eyes and stubble that needed shaving. He didn't say anything or look at me. He ate his food, showered and went to sleep on the couch with the TV turned on to some basketball game. He acted as if he didn't do anything to me.

He acts like I don't mind the things he does. He acts like tomorrow he won't do anything, even though I know he will. He doesn't care that I shake every time he says my name or every time he comes near me. He acts like there's nothing wrong.

There is nothing wrong.

I'm still alive, aren't I?

_That's just it. _

_Help, I'm still alive._

_How dare he act like nothing happened? How dare he do this to me? How dare he? He doesn't even know he humiliated me in front of Edward._

I was suddenly shadowed in a bad mood. I huffed and cursed in my head. I didn't know what was wrong with me. It all just came out at once. That has never happened to me. But I couldn't stand the man in the living room. I angrily washed the dishes, staring out the kitchen window. Every time the crowd cheered or the referee blew the whistle, I felt anger. Anger grew inside of me like cancer. It spread throughout my body like a deadly and evil black cancer. I could smell my rotting soul and feel my heart bleeding. I was drowning in my own blood. I was lost and stuck under the surface of that cancer-wall between me and who I was supposed to be.

I was losing.

I was dying.

He started snoring.

I got angrier.

At least he can sleep.

I took a knife from the sink and firmly held it in my hand. I walked to the fridge and grabbed a beer bottle and slowly walked to where he was. I made sure not to make any sound as I made my way to him.

_What are you doing Bella? You want to die? Go back? What are you doing? What's the knife for?_

I ignored my mind. I ignored the nausea. I ignored myself. This isn't me, it's the cancer. It's the cancer taking control… and I'm letting it.

My mom is sick.

I'm sick.

It's the cancer.

I'm sick of him.

I took small and gentle steps toward Father. He had his mouth open and an empty beer bottle in his hand. He had taken a piece of cake to the living room, but fell asleep before he even tried it.

I stared at him. He snored like a damn lion.

Anger can be overwhelming. You can get lost it in if you bottle it up for too long.

I held the knife up with its sharp end pointing to the ceiling. It created a shadow on his face.

_Have you lost your mind?_

I stared at the shadow on his face. I could feel the tears burning my eyes, and the lump in my throat. My heart was pounding against my chest.

Father suddenly opened his eyes and before he could see, I held the knife's handle towards him.

"What the hell?" He asked, sounding groggy. He rubbed his eyes and looked at me again.

"What's that for Isabella?" He said, staring at the knife.

"Your cake. I thought you would need it." I was surprised at how calm my voice was… too calm… almost nice… frightening…

"Um… uh… okay… I already have a fork," he said, scratching his head. I think he was more surprised and confused than I was. I placed the cake knife on the small table in front of him.

"I know, and I also brought you another beer," I said nicely, and held the bottle in front of him. He furrowed his eye brows, but took it. He gently handed me the empty beer bottle and I turned, without saying a word, and headed back to the kitchen.

I threw the bottle away and ran to my room. I shut the door behind me, locking it, and threw myself on my bed. I buried my face into my pillow and screamed. I screamed as loud as I could. My sounds were muffled by my pillow. I cried and screamed and punched my bed over and over again. I lay there for a few minutes, soaking my pillow in tears and saliva.

"What's wrong with me?" I cried. "What's wrong with me?" I whispered to the nothing and cried into my hands.

I needed to distract myself. This is more than I can take. I sat up and wiped my face. I was breathing heavily and I was still angry. I stood up, put on a raggedy shirt, put my hair up in a pony tail and grabbed my mp3 player. I took my paint and brushes out and grabbed the blank canvas Mom gave me for Christmas.

I usually don't paint. I'd rather sketch, but painting has its uses. I angrily ruined the canvas with paint and continued to do so until my arms became tired. When I was finished, I did what I usually do when I draw, I didn't look at what I painted. I just left it to dry. I washed my hands and arms, though they would still be stained afterwards, and dried up. I took my raggedy shirt off and drew it in the hamper. I grabbed my mp3 player and fell on my bed.

I was exhausted. I hadn't dealt with my actions from earlier. I should talk to someone. I am not this.

I fell asleep.

I can't remember what I was dreaming about, and I have no idea how long I slept for. All I know now is that Blue October's _A Quiet Mind_ is playing in my ears and there is knocking in the background.

Huh?

With my eyes still closed, I paused the song. There was the knocking sound again. I opened my eyes and with my blurry vision I made out a figure outside my balcony door.

"What the hell?" I grabbed my glasses from my night stand and quickly sat up.

It was dark, but I could still see Edward outside my balcony door. How could I mistake that mess of hair and slim figure for anyone else? He knocked again and waved at me.

Jackass.

I sighed and I walked to the balcony door.

"What are you doing here?" I asked angrily and he smiled. Damn him and his stupid crooked smile.

"Why did you lock your door?" He asked, confused.

"Because there is a psycho on the loose, sneaking into people's bedrooms and sleeping in their beds!" I yelled and he grinned.

"Don't worry, I think they caught him. Open the door Bella… please!" He said.

I rolled my eyes. I took a look at the time on the clock on my night stand. It was thirty minutes past midnight.

_He _was gone.

"His cruiser isn't here," Edward said. Now he reads minds?

I sighed and unlocked the door. He helped me open it and turning my back on him, I walked back into my room. I could feel him following me. I was about to ask him again what he was doing in my room, when I heard my mattress.

He lay down on it?

I turned and faced him with shock. I swear my mouth was open. How dare he?

"What the hell?"

"Just making myself at home…" he said, smiling, I huffed and he just shrugged.

"What are you doing here?"

"Just wanted to make sure you were alright."

"Well I am. You can go now."

"Why are you like that? Geez… rude," he said, and made himself more comfortable on my bed.

He wasn't leaving.

I stared at him and realized he was wearing a sleeveless white undershirt and a pair of black sweat pants. I could see his chest hair and I had to turn away before he could see my blush in the dark.

I'm a silly girl.

"Edward, how did you get here?" I asked.

"My dad was cleaning out our garage and I found my old bike. I decided to give it a test run and came over here."

"You decided to test your bike in the middle of the night and bother me?"

"Yep," he simply said.

"I don't believe you," I said, walking to my balcony door. "Where is it? Where's the bike?"

"Relax Bella; I hid it behind some bushes. We're fine."

"We're fine?"

"Yes. Now shut up and quit asking questions," he said. I rolled my eyes again.

"Bella, why does it smell like paint in here?" He smiled.

"Were you getting high?" He asked, amused. I sighed loudly.

"Oh my god!" I threw my hands up in annoyance.

"I was kidding! But seriously why does it smell like paint?"

"I was painting."

"Um, that makes sense."

"The smell? Yes, it makes sense."

"Yeah, and your blue and black arms," he said, smiling. I looked down at my arms.

"Ugh. It didn't come out like I thought it would."

"Can I see?"

"See what?"

"Your painting."

"Um, no! Edward just…"

"Bella, its fine. You'll let me see it later. Sit with me," he said, patting the empty space next to him.

Who the hell does he think he is? I didn't move, shocked at his audacity. But he didn't seem to notice my annoyance with him and he didn't move a muscle. He looked around, and when he spotted my mp3 player, I knew it was bad. He grabbed it and I panicked.

"Please…"

I was worried he was going to break it.

"Chill Bella," he mumbled. I sat down next to him. I couldn't stand him messing with my mp3 player. What if he ruins it? What if he sees my taste in music? Nobody likes my music!

"Blue October?" He asked. I was surprised at the smile on his face.

"Yeah… know 'em?"

"Know them? They are the shiz! I went to a concert of theirs in Seattle. It was amazing. Justin sings his heart out live," he said and I smiled. I didn't know why all of a sudden I was excited. I bit down in my lower lip, trying to hide it.

"Really? Ugh… I wish I could see them in concert. I bet they're awesome."

"You've never seen them live? That's a crime if you a Blue fan!"

"I've never been to a concert. Heck, I've never been outside of Forks or Port Angeles, and I've only been to Port Angeles once." I said and he just stared at me. His mouth dropped open a little.

"Bella, going to Port Angeles is like going to a gas station for some people. You're seriously too sheltered," he said and went back to looking at my mp3 player.

"Yeah, don't you think I know that?" I huffed.

He just sighed, as if he was regretting what he had said, and continued scrolling through my playlist.

"This is so old school," he said, smiling. I rolled my eyes.

"Was it a Christmas present?"

"No, a friend gave it to me." This time he looked at me.

"Same friend that gave you the Beatles bracelet?"

"Yep."

"Where's the friend, if I might ask?" His voice was a little too serious.

"New Mexico."

"Hum…" I leaned back against the head board. He did the same. "Interpol, The Beatles, Bon Iver, the Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Arcade Fire, and Greg Laswell? Bella you sure you didn't steal my playlist?" He asked and I smiled like an idiot.

"Um… you like Van Morrison?" He asked, and I didn't understand the melancholy in his voice.

"Yeah… why?"

"Nah… I just thought I was the only one," he said lowly.

"Nope, don't think so highly of yourself Cullen. You aren't the only one with good taste in music." I said and he smiled.

"I see that." He gave me his honest smile again.

"What's your favorite song? Wait, _Brown Eyed Girl_?" I rolled my eyes and he chuckled.

"No, I'm more original than that! I love _And It Stoned Me _and _Beside You,_" I said. I intentionally forgot to mention _I'll Be Your Lover Too_. That's _my_ song. I wanna keep it that way.

Edward was silent for a while and then he sighed.

"My mother would listen to Morrison, all the time."

"Mrs. Cullen has good taste in music too," I said and he shook his head.

"No, not Esme. She's probably never heard of Van Morrison, she's more into eighties pop. That crap! I meant my real mom," he said. He was looking at my mp3 player, but I could tell it was because he just didn't want to look at me when he spoke. He had stopped pressing buttons and he wouldn't look toward me.

"Oh." I wasn't sure why Edward was telling me this, but I didn't mind. "Is that you how found his music?"

"Yeah… um… I… never mind," he said, shaking his head.

"No, tell me. You can't just start talking and then stop," I said and he smiled again.

"She would always tell me he was my dad, and I believed her. I would go around singing his songs and telling people he was my dad. I was such an idiot." He chuckled. It was weird hearing Edward reveal things about himself. He was always so closed and distant.

"You weren't an idiot, you were a kid. What would your real dad say?" I asked. But he didn't answer. Instead he changed the subject.

"Radiohead? I use to be obsessed with them. I played their _The Bends _album all the time until Emmett broke it, the asshole. I got so fucking pissed at him, I almost broke his nose." He chuckled. "You must think I'm a psycho."

"No, I'm thinking I _would_ have broken his nose," I said and he turned to look at me. "I love that album."

He smiled his crooked smile and I had to look away so he wouldn't notice my blush. What am I doing?

_You're having a music conversation with Edward. The asshole…._

"Did _he_… say or do anything today?" Edward asked, serious now.

"No."

"That's good, right?"

"I guess. I won't wake up sore tomorrow!" I said with fake excitement, but he didn't smile.

"Um… since when does he…?" I knew what he was asking, but I wasn't sure if I wanted to answer.

"I'm not ready Edward. Just back off for a little while. I'm not even sure I want you to know. We aren't friend remember?" I was just being honest.

"I understand," He said lowly.

He stayed silent and I stared at my hands in my lap. I wasn't going to ask him again why he was in my room. I never seem to get an answer anyway. I'll just let him stay as long as he likes. He'll eventually tire of me and leave. We said nothing for a while. I began to think of other things and wondered if Mom was alright since I had slept all day. I felt lazy but I wasn't sleepy at all. It was a bad idea, that nap.

"Are you scared of him?" Edward asked, snapping my attention back to him. I looked him in the eyes. They were serious… soft, and waiting for my answer. I sighed deeply, but I didn't look away from him like I usually would have done.

"All the time," I said in a broken whisper and he didn't look away.

He shook his head and sighed. He pressed the back of his head against the head board and returned to my mp3 player.

"Ozzy Osbourne?" He asked with a wide smile and furrowed eyes.

"What? Is a girl not allowed to rock?" I asked. He chuckled.

"Yeah, I guess they can rock." He laughed and put my mp3 player back on my night stand.

"You shouldn't live in fear, Bella. It's not right," he said, and I looked away.

"Uh well… I don't know any other way to live," I whispered, looking down at my hands again. I pretended to pick at my nails. "It's normal in my world." He sighed.

"There is another world out there. You should check it out sometime."

"I'll try." I chuckled dryly.

"You're eighteen… you can..."

"No, not right now."

"Why not? You're legally free to go!"

"It's complicated."

"I'm sure I can keep up."

I took a deep breath, unsure why I was about to answer him. I decided to leave him guessing with an indirect answer.

"It's like… birds."

"Birds?"

"Yeah, the mother bird feeds the babies until they are ready to fly on their own. She stays with them in their nest even if it rains or snows. And then after they are ready, she just moves on and they are fine without her. Well, I'm the opposite and the same at the same time."

"Huh?" He looked confused and I chuckled.

"I told you it was complicated… I'm the baby bird _and_ I switched places with the mother bird." I said. He just furrowed his eyebrows more and I smiled.

"You know I'm going to think about that for the rest of the night and not sleep until I figure it out?"

"You shouldn't have asked then," I said, and he rolled his eyes. We sat in silence again for a long time. After a while the silence stopped bothering me. It was actually enjoyable… until Edward yawned.

"It's late. You should go home now," I said and he nodded.

"I guess you're right," he said and got off my bed.

"See you around Mama Bird. Or should I say Mama Swan?" He asked. I gave him a look that made him chuckle.

He left the same way he arrived.

The next day was the same. I made sure to stay in a better mood. I didn't want to have another "episode" so I just stayed away from everything.

Mom did feel better and she even made enchiladas. It was the "big meal" she promised me. I locked myself away before Father got home. I did see him get out of his police cruiser, looking a bit more tired than the day before and I didn't feel bad that I rejoiced in my father's fatigue. It meant that we were safe.

I spent the afternoon watching TV in my room, something I hadn't done in a while. I didn't even know what shows were on. I sketched a little, and before I could call it a night there was a knock at my balcony door…again.

What?

I walked to the window as Edward kept knocking even though he had already seen me.

"Shh!" I waved at him and he immediately stopped. I opened the door and he just waltzed in as if he owned the place, carrying what looked like a black shirt in his hands.

"Edward what are you doing here? The last two nights you had a few somewhat reasonable explanations for showing up here, but now what?" I asked, and he unfolded the shirt he was carrying.

"I had to bring you this," he said and I couldn't help but smile. It was a Radiohead t-shirt. "I got it a few years ago, but I outgrew it. It might fit you big, but I thought you would like it."

"Let me guess, you were cleaning out your closet and you decided to give it to me…"

"No, I looked for it," he said, smiling. I had to fight back my own stupid smile. I walked up to him and snatched it from his hands and I heard his light chuckle.

"I like it. I've never had a band's shirt. Thanks…" I whispered, and he just nodded. "But will you give me a real answer. Please, just… tell me the truth already. What are you doing here?" I asked.

He took a deep breath and ran his hands through his hair. Just answer damn it!

"I'm giving myself a reason," he answered. I didn't understand.

"What?"

"You said I wasn't your friend and because of that I shouldn't care what happens to you."

"Yes… that hasn't changed."

"Well, that's why I'm here. I know something about you that isn't easy to forget. Bella, I'm an asshole. I'm not a very good person. I drink. I have done, and still do, drugs. I don't give a flying blue fuck about anybody else but me. But, for some strange and unknown reason… I um… I uh… I think… I might care about you. And you're right I shouldn't, because we aren't friends… but that's why I'm here. To change that… so I can have a reason to give a fuck."

I didn't believe him.

I believed him.

I don't know.

But why?

"You're here because you want to be my friend?" I asked, and I knew he could tell I didn't believe him. He smiled.

"Let's not use that word. It's cheesy and it doesn't really fit 'us'." He said and signaled the quotation marks with his fingers. "'Friends' go to the mall and do stupid shit together, and we don't. Um… you know what I mean?" He asked, scratching his neck.

"Um… sure," I said and he nodded.

"I understand."

"Good…" he said and sat on my bed.


	11. Smile Like You Mean It

**Just to clear something up, Bella DOES NOT have cancer haha. Come on guys I'm full of angst in my stories, but not that much! I probably should have been clearer when I wrote it, but it was just a metaphor Bella used to describe how angry she is and because she keeps it bottled up, it's ruining her inside "like cancer"….anyway**

**P.S But um…don't get too mad with this chapter (should I say Eddie). ***Runs for cover****

**Thanks to Lizde. **

_Ch 11/Edward/Smile like You Mean It_

I woke up this morning with a hangover, confronted by a Bella that clearly didn't want my help or comfort. Not that I was any good at it, shit I know I'm not, but god damn it she could help! She didn't even say thanks to me for sticking around.

It was late, too late at night, but I decided to visit Bella again. I snuck out of my room and took my bike, which I never use, and went to Bella's house.

I was out of fucking shape. After just a few minutes of pedaling I was out of breath and panting as if I was having sex. I could feel the burn in my muscles. But it wouldn't have been smart of my ass to park my Volvo in front of Bella's house or anywhere near there. It would have been like knocking on her front door and asking Mr. Fucked-Up-In-The-Head to let me mess with his daughter.

After I left Bella's house this morning I spent the whole damn day thinking about what I had seen. Was it real? Was I so drunk and high that I exaggerated everything in my mind? Did Charles really hit Bella? Maybe she did something really bad and he was pissed about it?

_Oh yes because that would excuse the shit he did to her? You're a little fucker Cullen!_

I mean what could Bella do to make Mr. Fucked-Up do that to her?

That's how I spent my whole fucking day. My mind was clouded with this shit! Questions and arguments about Bella and her dad made me ignore my mother when she was talking to me and forget what I had planned for the day. To make shit worse, Emmett decided to invite his stupid girlfriend over for dinner. As if I needed more shit right now.

Rosalie was a fake-ass bitch. With Esme and Carlisle, she was little Ms. Pretty-'N'-Nice-'N'-Perfect-For-Your-Son. She called Esme "Mom" and Carlisle "Sir" and then she hugged Alice. The bitch always gives Alice a hard time when we're by ourselves. Plus she smiled at me. She fucking _smiled_ at me! That bitch smiles at nobody! I don't believe her fake-ass Colgate smile for a minute.

After dinner, she helped Esme and Alice clean up in the kitchen while Carlisle went to his office and Emmett and I watched some TV.

"So how is it going with Bella?" Emmett asked, smiling and wiggling his eye brows. I sighed. I really didn't feel like talking about Bella when that's all I've been thinking about.

Fucker.

"Um, it's going good," I lied.

"Good, 'cuz I can't wait to see the look on Bella's face when she finds out!"

What was it with these people?

"Why do you care so much that I fuck her? I mean… it's just Bella."

"Just Bella? You mean just Bella, the girl that got us caught? That shit is probably going into our permanent records. 'Oh yes I would like to apply at your college and yes that is a drug related suspension I have in my high school records.' How would that sound?"

"You need to stop hanging out with Rosalie. She's contagious. She has a serious case of bitchinitis."

"Dude, fuck you! Just the get the job done already," Emmett said.

Rosalie walked in with a big smile on her face and a shake in her hips, like she had won something. She had… my parents. She sat by Emmett on the couch and looked at me. That was my queue to get the fuck out. She laughed as I walked away, but I ignored her.

I spent the rest of the afternoon in my room.

They laughed. Everyone laughed. Carlisle, who never hangs with us, laughed with _them_. I could hear them all the way to my room.

I wish I could laugh.

Everyone always has positive outlooks about everything. They smile and laugh. My family isn't mine. They're their own family, not mine.

I'm sorry if I can't be the perfect little son in their perfect little made-up and constructed family. We aren't even blood related. I know I'm ungrateful, but I can't stand them and their pity fest. Esme always finds a way to let me know that she feels bad for me, and Carlisle always tries to include me in their family-fun-bullshit. I don't have to read minds. I can see it in their eyes. They feel bad for me. They wish I was different.

_I_ wish I was different.

I wish they would just let me be.

I lay on my bed and listened to my iPod, thinking about Bella again. I kept falling in and out of sleep. I wasn't even tired, but my mind needed some rest. Bella fucking Swan. I was fine until I decided to sneak into her room. Now I couldn't get the blurred images of her on the floor, with her father torturing the shit out of her, out of my mind.

Why the fuck do I care?

The shit she's in is deep, and the problem is that I don't even know how deep. Maybe if I talk to her and ask her if that shit happens a lot, or if Charles just lost his cool for once… maybe I could get this shit off my chest. It's fucking heavy on my chest and I can't function anymore. Maybe Charles doesn't do it often. I mean there are a lot of parents that hit their kids… right?

_What about the bruises? What about what Bella said? She said she was used to feeling sore and having bruises. That isn't normal everyday stuff._

Fuck you inner voice! You're the one that wants to fuck her over a fucking bet, so don't come around and start worrying about Bella now!

This is really getting annoying. Bella has to answer my damn questions so I can get over this.

I noticed it was almost midnight and wondered if Charles had gone off to work. He had said something about working the night shift. Maybe I could pay Bella another visit. She'll convince me that it's not so bad, right? Then I won't have to worry about it anymore. I won't have to feel this stupid guilt or anxiety. I mean nobody… nobody can have it that bad! Right? I mean she said it herself, it's just another bad _Lifetime_ movie. Besides, she does have a way out. She's fucking 18. She can leave whenever she wants. She's a fucking sadist for all I know. Right?

I took my iPod out of my ears and noticed the laughing had stopped.

Good!

Everyone was probably in bed or getting ready for bed. Emmett might be going to a party, but nobody else would notice me sneaking out.

I sat up and put my shoes on and opened my window. I was becoming an expert at opening windows apparently. I climbed down and took my bike from the garage and headed to Bella's house. I had to know if her father had kicked her ass again. It wouldn't take long.

I never thought that talking to Bella could be so easy. If I opened my mouth and actually started a conversation with her, it just flowed. Of course we lamely just talked about music, which by the way she has fuck awesome taste in, but we at least talked about something.

I asked my burning questions, but she only answered the ones she wanted to answer. The results weren't what I wanted. She said "yes." She was fucking scared of her dad. I mean what kind of shit is that? But she said that he only hits her when he's really pissed and nobody can be that pissed all the time. Right?

I didn't press her for more answers. I was afraid that they wouldn't be what wanted. But I did ask her why she didn't just leave her house. It was legal for her to do so after all. Bella gave me this bullshit story about some birds, which I don't understand; but apparently that's Bella's reason for staying home. If she really had it that bad she would have left, without giving a shit about anything or anyone else. Any normal teen would have! So there. Bella doesn't have it that bad.

I made my way back to my house and snuck back into my room. I fell on my bed and didn't wake up until noon the next day. Nobody was home when I made it downstairs and I didn't question where everybody was.

I spent the afternoon wasting time watching TV and playing the piano a little. I haven't played in a while. I use to love playing the hell out of the piano, but now I hate the damn thing. It's because Elizabeth was the one who showed me how to play. She caused my love and hate for piano.

Elizabeth… my real mother.

I hate her.

I miss her.

I wish she wouldn't have changed. I wish she was still my mom. The mom I had before anything happened. But it's too late now and I'm now in a family I don't belong in.

Esme is my mother. I will say it until the end of time, but I don't carry her blood or relate to her in anything. Carlisle is my father, but he is too bold and wise. He makes me feel like a dumbass when I talk to him. I don't like making conversation with him, because he'll always find a way to blame me for something. I don't miss my real father… that fucker can burn in hell for all I care and I hope he does!

Later that day, Alice and Esme got home from the Port Angeles mall. I could tell where they'd been because of all the damn bags they carried. Emmett and Carlisle arrived together a little while after them. They couldn't stop talking about some old sports car they planned to fix up together, a little father and son bonding activity.

I guess I shouldn't whine. I asked for this. They're leaving me alone, just like I wanted. It wouldn't work out anyway. I'm too different from them. I'm just in the wrong place with the wrong people. I snorted at myself. As if there is someone out there that is _right_ for me! Ha!

Before going to his room Emmett reminded me that tomorrow is the first of February. I can't believe I had forgotten. On the first of every month there's a big event in Port Angeles. It's illegal which only makes it better. I would have to skip tutoring with Bella tomorrow…

It was almost midnight.

I don't know if visiting Bella tonight was a good idea. I do have school tomorrow, but usually I don't fall asleep until two in the morning anyway.

_Why are you going?_

I don't know.

_Well, _she'll_ want to know._

I'll just tell her I want to be her friend or some bullshit like that. She won't talk to me fully because we aren't friends, or at least that's what she said. Well, I'll become her best friend if that gets her to talk. I'll smile at her like I mean it and she'll fall for it. I mean without realizing it, I've found a way to connect with Bella. I know something about her that will cause her to trust me if I tell nobody about it. I'll just smile like I mean it.

It was a cool night, so I needed a sweater. As I was looking through my clothes I found the old Radiohead t-shirt I used to wear in my scrawny stage of life. Hmm, Bella likes Radiohead. What better way to start a friendship than getting her a gift? I smiled at my fucked-up self and snuck out my window again.

"Edward what are you doing here? The last two nights you had a few somewhat reasonable explanations for showing up here, but now what?" Bella was a smart ass, if she only knew that I didn't have an answer. I gave some bullshit explanation about trying to have an excuse to care… because I cared.

Ha, I should be an actor.

_Right, like you don't really care._

I don't.

Bella acted like the Radiohead t-shirt was the best damn thing ever. She kept running her finger tips over the stitched designs and over the name of the band. We sat on her bed again, talking about random things. I didn't ask my intrusive questions again, but I wanted to. I just couldn't find a way to ask without her finding a way to block me.

I looked around Bella's room and realized she didn't have any decorations besides her drawings, and her closet was somewhat empty. The closet reminded me of what had happened. I pushed it to the back of my mind and continued with my plan.

"Alice's closet overflows with clothes and then some. Where are all your clothes, Bella? I mean you're a girl, that shit is expected of you," I said. She looked down at her hands again. She started chewing her lower lip and blushed as if she was embarrassed.

"I um… uh, I don't like shopping," she said.

I had a feeling she was lying and that there was more to it than that, but I didn't ask.

"Does Alice… shop a lot?" She asked trying to change the subject.

It worked.

"Yeah, but she isn't your typical girly-girl that just shops and doesn't know shit about anything. Alice is a pretty smart girl. Shit, not as smart as me, but she's up there," I said and she rolled her eyes with smile on her face.

I like smiley Bella. It's rare and valuable. Valuable because I know I'm winning. I like knowing that I'm winning.

"Alice is actually going to graduate with us. She's a year ahead."

"Really?"

"Yep, she's a fashionable nerd." Bella chuckled.

"Do you get along with her?" Bella asked, and I looked at her, confused.

"Why wouldn't I?" I asked, a bit insulted by her question. Again I wished I had more control over my voice. Bella jumped and quickly looked away from me.

"Oh, I just know a lot of siblings don't get along and… I'm sorry… for implying…" she mumbled quickly.

"Bella chill," I said. She silenced herself, but didn't look at me.

"Alice may get on my nerves 99 percent of the time, but she and I are very close. Well, actually we haven't been lately… I've sort pissed her off."

"Why? Is it something you can fix?" Bella asked, sounding really interested. She scrunched up her small nose and wrinkled her forehead in worry. I couldn't help but chuckle.

"I don't know."

"You don't know how you pissed her off?" She seemed shocked.

"It's more complicated than that."

"Well I wanna know."

"Well, I've been really pissed off lately… more than usual, and I might have taken it out on her."

"Why are you mad?" Shit, Bella was nosier than me.

"I don't know. I just wanna kick my own ass sometimes. I feel like such a failure and I'm disappointed with myself all the time. I just… don't feel like being home or dealing with bullshit. I wish I knew why I'm so pissed, or why the fuck I feel so sick of myself, so I can fix it. But I just don't know."

"Maybe if you sit and think about all the things that bother you, you'll figure it out and fix it. I mean we all have things that bother us. It's not your fault, but you can still fix whatever is broken. It's not your fault that life sometimes doesn't give us all happiness." I turned and looked at Bella. She was serious. It was sort of intimidating.

"Of course it's my fault. I'm a jackass. Everything bothers me and I hate everything and everyone. I'm a fucking downer and I ruin everything I touch. I do and say bad shit to people. Ask my family, they'll tell you I'm the black sheep of the family!"

"You're not a jackass. Well, not a complete jackass." She smiled and I smirked.

"But if you're really that bad, you wouldn't have come back to supposedly check on me. You wouldn't be here, and you wouldn't worry about being a jackass. You wouldn't torture yourself about it like I see you do. You would just go on and keep doing bad shit to people and be happy about it. I know people like that; they hurt people and enjoy it and never once think about how the other person feels about it. You… punish yourself. You're too cruel to yourself," Bella said.

Her eyes wandered back down to her hands. I had nothing to say to her. I knew who she was talking about and I understood what she said about me, but I refused to believe it of myself. Bella's words pushed me back and slapped the shit out of me. What was I supposed say to that? I stared at her while she fidgeted with her hands. Where did the words of wisdom come from? I just told someone about my stupid feeling of depression and… it feels weird. I almost feel like I'm letting my guard down. I've let someone see my weakness.

It's the first time I've told someone about my weird emo depression. Bella doesn't me blame for it? She should be the first one to judge me and tell me that it _is_ my fault and that I'm an asshole. Instead, she's telling me that I _do_ care and I shouldn't be so hard on myself? If she only knew about what I'm supposed to do to her. If she only knew one of the reasons I was really here.

If she only knew…

Would she blame me then? Of course she would. She would hate me. Somehow I don't want Bella to hate me.

We sat on her bed for a long time in silence. In Bella's room there is no annoying laughter and there is no fake-friendly bullshit. I appreciate it. It's real.

"I wish I had siblings," Bella said, breaking the silence. "I've always wondered what it would be like. You know, to have someone who annoyed me, but that I could talk to. I wouldn't mind the annoying."

"Why didn't your parents have more kids?"

"Um, I was a complicated pregnancy…." Bella paused. "I ruined my mother's uterus." She chuckled darkly.

"I almost died because I was too small and weak. I guess I've never known what it is to be strong. I've been weak since the day I was born," Bella said lowly. There was no sense of humor in her voice this time. She continued messing with her nails as she talked.

"It would have been nice not to be alone all the time with my parents," she finished.

"Well, I used to be alone. My real mother only had me. So I know what you mean, but I don't remember very much since I was put in a foster family when I was only eight. Alice and Emmett and I aren't blood related, and I can't relate to them at all. Well, I can relate to them in that our real parents sucked blue balls, but… I don't know them how I would like."

"Why don't you get to know them how you would like? You said you were close with Alice. But you don't know her?"

"Well, there's more to it than that. You can _know_ someone and be close to them, but they don't know the real you and you don't know the real them, because it's just weird. If what they're showing me is really all there is to them then… I would be disappointed. I don't like them now. All I can see is the negative in people. I wish I didn't. I wish was a little naïve."

"I wish I was naïve too."

"You are, a little… you see a little good in me. I don't know from where, but you see it and that makes you..."

"I don't trust you," Bella cut me off. What? But we're talking. Isn't that good enough?

"I wish I had trust. But I don't."

I couldn't help but feel disappointed. I thought I was getting somewhere again. But with Bella that isn't new.

"What if I make you trust me? I can show you that you can."

"But then you would bring me down."

"Why are you so sure? You think you know me, but you don't. I might be the most trustworthy person in this fucked-up world!"

"I know. You might, but I can't take risks. In my position I can't take them. I hide behind my walls. They are safe. They won't bring me down," she said lowly. I agreed with her, but that wasn't going to help me.

"I won't bring you down," I whispered, but Bella didn't answer back.

She went back to looking at her hands. I didn't understand my own fight to convince her. I didn't understand the real reasons. Maybe I'm still behind the mind-set of trying to convince Bella she can trust me so that I can sleep with her.

I'm a douche. I would only be proving her right. She _i_s right. I'm going to let her down. I know it. I'm going through with this stupid bet. It's the only reason I'm here. Right?

Should I feel guilty? It's too late for that.

Bella sighed and looked at her clock.

"It's late… are we still meeting after school?" She asked, finally looking at me. I sighed too.

"I don't know. It's the first of the month."

"What does that mean? Of course it's February the first."

"Every month, on the first, a group of guys from Forks meet a group of guys from Port Angeles on the outskirts of Port Angeles and um…" I chuckled. "We race cars. I know it sounds immature and reckless, but I like to drive fast and it's a chance for us to show those Port Angeles fuckers who the fucking boss is."

"Yep, immature," Bella said and I chuckled.

"We like to get there early in the afternoon to hang out in the city and get ready. We start racing right at midnight. So… I'll let you know if we'll meet after school," I said. She just gave me a small smile and looked at her clock again.

"Bella if you want me to get the fuck out just the say the magic words!" She roughly shook her head.

"That's not it. It's just that we have school tomorrow and I already can't get up on time as it is, and I if I stay up late…" she said and I rolled my eyes.

"Whatever, nerd," I said and jumped off her bed.

"Will I ever see you wearing that shirt?" I said, pointing at the Radiohead t-shirt in her lap. "I won't be able to see it under that green sweater of yours." She looked at me as if asking if I was serious. I knew bruises didn't go away fast, especially if new ones reappear all the time.

"Well, I'll let you know when I do wear it."

"Good enough," I muttered and walked towards her balcony door. I felt her walk towards me. "Come to say goodbye?"

"I came to lock my door. That psycho is still in the loose," she said and I couldn't help but laugh.

School was a drag. I couldn't wait to get the fuck to Port Angeles. This is always the best day of the month and unfortunately it fell on a damn Monday and we had fucking school. Emmett drove us to school in his Mazda MX-5 Miata. The fucker wanted the attention. Carlisle gave it to him when he turned 16. It's a ridiculous car for a teenager, but Emmett whined and bitched until he got it. Carlisle is a fucking pushover. Emmett has spent the last two years fixing it up to racing car standards. Carlisle and Esme are seriously blind as fuck.

Bella didn't go to lunch again, but I was so damn excited talking about tonight with Emmett and Jasper that I didn't bother looking for her. I talked to her once in English when I needed a pencil, but we were forbidden to talk since we were taking an exam. Mrs. Morris asked her to stay after class and I wasn't going to wait for her. I had shit to do.

I rushed to my locker, trying to get the fuck out of school. I was fumbling through the shit in my locker when Mike and Ben walked up to me.

"Dude, tonight is going to be sick!" Mike cheered.

"I know fucker! Why do you think I'm trying to get the fuck out of here?" I said and they both laughed.

"Ben, Eric and I are going to be there. Eric said he might let you borrow his Mustang if you can beat James Whitley."

James Whitley is a motherfucker with a bigger mouth than my fucking cock, and my cock is huge. The shithead can race, no shit, but I could take him down any day.

"You can tell Eric if he lets me borrow his fucking donkey I can still beat James fucker Whitley." I said and Mike laughed again.

"You're the man Cullen," Ben said, punching my shoulder. I smiled.

"Edward?" A small voice called my name.

Bella.

I turned to look at her. She looked scared and nervous. Her eyes wandered to Mike and Ben who were just staring at her in disbelief. She was chewing on her lower lip and nervously playing with the ends of the sleeves of her green sweater.

"I um… uh… um… I uh, was just… just wondering if we were still meeting after school… I mean… um… I uh…" She fumbled her nervous words and looked at me apologetically as if she knew I didn't want her to talk to me.

"I have to know now… I um… my mom…" she was interrupted by Jessica who bumped into her shoulder. Bella jumped and look frightened and paranoid as she recovered from the impact. Jessica walked over to Mike and wrapped an arm around him. Bella was shaking a little and I could see that she was punishing herself for even standing in front of me, but she didn't move.

"What's the Virgin Mary doing here?" Jessica asked. Mike and the rest of the guys laughed. Bella just stared at me as if waiting for me to say something for her. I should. But…

I won't.

"Apparently she's asking Edward out on a date," Mike said and they all laughed again.

"You poor thing," Jessica said, laughing. Bella kept looking at me… waiting.

I took a deep breath.

"I don't know what you're talking about." I said to her calmly. "Isabella you should leave."

Her eyes fell to the ground and her face crumbled, but she didn't cry or yell at me. She gulped and her shoulders slumped. She just nodded, as if agreeing with something she was thinking, and slowly walked away while everyone laughed and I did nothing.

I said nothing.

I'm such a dick.

I watched her disappear into the crowd. Her small form, smaller yet with the way she was hunched up, walked away from me.

Mike patted my back.

"So you gonna race James?" He asked, but I didn't even want to answer him.

"Um… I gotta go. I'll see you later. I have some shit to do," I said and walked away. I walked through the school crowds and quickly made my way to the parking lot.

I caught sight of Bella's green sweater. She was walking towards her truck, still with her head down. I ran to her. I had to say something.

"Bella!" I said, but she kept walking. "Bella," I said again as she opened her truck's door. I pushed the door closed and she jumped. "Just listen to me," I begged in a smooth voice, trying to calm her down. She turned to face me.

"I did and I'm paying for it," she said and I held my breath. "'_I might be the most trustworthy person in this fucked-up world!' _You're so full of it, you don't even believe yourself. But don't worry Edward. This is exactly what I expected from you, remember? You never disappoint. So keep giving yourself shit about it, because you deserve it!" She said, and angrily opened her door. She slammed it shut once she was inside.

I didn't stop her this time. She forced her old truck to race away from school while I just stood there in her empty parking space.

As I rode in with Emmett and Jasper to Port Angeles, all I could think about was pissed Bella. She was mad at me. I don't know why I let it bother me so much. But it did. It seemed like our little moment last night was ruined. It was ruined by me.

We went to the Port Angeles mall and ate some burgers. The whole time I was silent and distracted while Emmet and Jasper talked cars and some other bullshit. Bella was right. I deserve the shit I do to myself.

"Hey Edward, what's wrong dude?" Jasper asked and I shook my head.

"Nothing, just fucking tired."

"You can't be. James is going to be there."

"I know, and I'll still beat that fucker."

It was ten minutes before midnight and everyone was already getting ready for the first race. There was a larger crowd than last time. Everyone was drinking and smoking. The Port Angeles girls were fucking ugly, but usually I still flirted with them. Not this year, though. I ignored them as they tried to flirt and say dirty shit to me. I was still distracted. It wasn't their boobs that had my attention. Fucking Bella...

James still hadn't shown up and I hoped he wouldn't, as I didn't want to lose my cool right now. He raced dirty and was a fucking cheater, but I could still kick his ass. I was sitting on the hood of Emmett's car, watching the first race finish, when a black Mustang drove in. The fucker made it.

"Hey Edward, you ready?" Jasper yelled. I just nodded. Everyone knew I was the best driver out of Forks. I could take James.

James parked by me, and when he got out, he winked at me and I just flipped him off.

"So how about it Eddie boy?" He said and I nodded. He was a fucking douche bag. He had his blonde hair up in a pony tail and was wearing a black leather jacket.

"I've been ready. I'm waiting for your slow ass." He chuckled.

Everyone spent ten minutes betting money and arguing over who would win while I just sat in Eric's red Mustang.

"You gotta beat him. That fucker needs to be proven wrong!" Eric said, and I just nodded. I was still distracted.

James and I finally got ready. I had stayed sober just for this and it was going to pay off. A skanky Port Angeles girl stood in front of us with the flag. James honked his horn and smiled at me. I just flipped him off again. The skanky girl waved the flag and we both took off. The screeching tires left smoke behind us as we sped down the road.

It would be a single, full lap around the highway and back to the crowd of people. The Mustang's engine roared and I made a mental note to ask Carlisle if I could have a Mustang for my birthday. At first, James and I were even until I took the lead. I held it for the longest time as we made our way around. I should have been paying attention, but my cocky self thought I would win this easily. It wasn't until I saw James at my side that I realized what he was going to do.

There was road block ahead of us.

He rammed the side of his car into mine and I flew towards the road block. I managed to maneuver my way around it, but by the time I got back onto the road James had already reached the finish line.

"Motherfucker!" I slammed my hands on the steering wheel.

I sped to the finish line and parked the car by his. He got out of his car with a big smile and a cocky swagger. I wanted to kill him.

"You fucking cheater!" I yelled as I exited the car.

"You're just a pussy and a fucking sore loser Cullen! I'm sure your mother would be proud!" He yelled back.

That's when I lost my cool. Jasper and Emmett tried to stop me, but I was too fast. I ran towards James and tackled him. We both hit the gravel with a grunt and started pulling and tugging at each other.

"Edward what the fuck man? It's just a race!" Jasper yelled, but I ignored him. I mounted James and began punching the shit out of him.

_How dare she say I deserved shit? She doesn't know me! Why didn't she defend herself? I'm so frustrated with her. She could have at least let me explain myself!_

I was distracted again and I didn't land one of my punches. James took advantage and landed a fist right on my left eye.

"Fuck!" I spat as I fell back. I could feel the crowd around us.

"Kick his ass Cullen!" Someone yelled. Jasper and Emmett tried to stop us, but the crowd held them back. James threw himself on top of me and started punching my gut and my face.

"Motherfucker, get the fuck off me!" I yelled. I could taste the blood in my mouth. I was so focused on the fight that I ignored where it was coming from. James landed another fist into my jaw and I fell back again. My head hit the ground and everything started spinning. I think I lost partial consciousness. My heart was pounding in my chest and my blood was heated. I felt weaker by the minute and my body was growing tired. James was about to hit me again when sirens interrupted us. Everyone screamed and started running away. Cars screeched away and people kept yelling "cops!"

"Fucking cops!" James yelled and I punched him. I didn't give a shit about the cops right now, I wasn't going to let this fucker win.

"Edward, come on!" Emmett yelled. "Let's get the fuck out of here!" I ignored him and the crowd that was scattering around me. The sirens got closer and a few cruisers stopped in front of us. I got off James, and grabbed my side. It hurt like hell, everything hurt, but I had to run. I was about to make a run for it, when I realized we were surrounded by police cruisers.

"Shit!" I muttered. "Fuck!" I was trying to catch my breath, but even breathing was painful.

"Stay where you are!" A cop yelled. I fell on my knees grabbing my sides and spitting out blood. He probably broke something… that motherfucker!

I heard the door of the cruiser open and boots crushing gravel.

Fuck… this isn't looking too good for me. I've been to jail once… and I don't wanna go back. Fuck!

I turned and looked at James. He was knocked out cold. Too bad nobody was here to see it expect the damn cops. The cop approached me and I felt his boot on my back before I could react. He kicked me to the ground face first. That shit hurt. He kicked me again and I yelped in pain. Who the fuck? It wasn't until I rolled over on my back to face him that I read his name tag.

_Chief Swan._


	12. Just Let It Out

I love you guys and your reviews!

**Anyway, not much to say this time around so here is Eddie again. Oh, be ready for a rollercoaster of a chapter…my fav!**

_Ch 12/Edward/Just Let it Out_

"Stay the fuck down!" Charles barked and placed a boot on my chest as I looked up at him.

How was I supposed to get up? I couldn't breathe and he just kicked the shit out of me! I looked around looking for everyone else…

There was nobody else.

Not even Emmett or Jasper.

Fuck them.

Two cops were by James trying to see if he was alright and a few others were searching the area with their flashlights.

"Search the area. There might be some still close by!" Charles ordered and then looked down at me again. He pressed down with his foot and I let out a muffled grunt. Shit. Everything hurts. "Who is else was here?" Charles yelled and I could feel his sprinkled saliva on my face. "Who else was here?" he asked again, but I wasn't going to answer him.

"Fuck you, you psycho!" I managed to say.

He knelt on me, placing his knee on my chest. I grunted and moaned from the pain. I coughed and chocked on some blood that was running down my face and into my mouth. He looked around, checked his back and then looked down at me again.

I saw it then.

The fucking demon that was Charles Swan

His brown eyes were now black and the artery in his neck was disgustingly popped out. His black eyebrows furrowed and sweat ran down his forehead from his greasy black hair. He was breathing heavily and smelled of cigarettes and pure hell.

He lifted his fist up high, but the motherfucker was so fast and I was too beaten to react. His fist made contact with the top of my left eye. The fucker punches harder than he kicks. The back of my head hit the hard gravel causing pain…excruciating pain and then…

That was it.

Everything blacked out and went away.

I went away into darkness and a painful numbness took over my body. It crawled from my head and slowly made its way to my toes.

I could still hear muffled voices and sirens in the background, but that wasn't what I was thinking about. That wasn't what I was holding on to.

For some strange reason Bella's face surfaced in the blackness and stayed with me. She sat by me while I lay on the gravel. She played with her finger nails and rocked back and forth with a blank stare on her face. Her eyes red, watery and drowsy and her face was blotchy. She hummed to herself as she rocked back and forth.

"Bella?" I whispered to her. She didn't look at me. "Bella, why don't you tell someone? That ugly fuck is scary as hell. You don't deserve that shit. No matter how much of a snitch you are." I whispered to her and she finally looked at me. She shook her head and a sudden rush of pain flashed her face and her lower lips started to tremble. Her eyes released the tears she was holding in and it was painful to see. It hurt. I don't what hurt, but as the first tear drop rolled down her face I winced and held unto my stomach as a sharp hit me with a force so powerful I ran out of breath trying to hold in the scream. So I screamed.

I screamed.

I buried my face into the gravel and yelped. I turned to look at Bella. She was still blank with wet cheeks.

We started moving now. I could feel my body being moved and thrown into a cushion, but somehow in my dream I was still laying on the gravel with Bella by my side. I could hear Charles' voice talking to someone and a radio in the background answering him back. Bella was still by my side. We were still moving and she was still rocking back and forth.

I realized Bella wasn't wearing her stupid green sweater anymore. She only wore a white tank top and a pair of gray sweat pants.

Her thin arms were illuminated by the moonlight as was her face.

The black and blue bruises on her arms came down from her shoulders down to her wrists decorating her pale skin in pain. Small oval bruises, large bruises, blue and purple…ugly…painful. I could feel them in my gut and as Bella let out a whimper I winced. It caused a sharp pain in my ribs. She noticed I was staring at her arms and she quickly tried to cover them by hugging herself. I shook as Bella started crying. My chest shuddered and my brain throbbed.

"Bella…" I whispered again.

"Help me" she whispered. I said nothing. As usual, I was a fucking coward.

"_Wax me" _Bella started signing in a low and broken voice._  
"Mould me Heat the pins and stab them in" _Her voice started breaking._  
"You have turned me into this  
Just wish that it….it was bullet proof"_

"You have turned me into this." She whispered.

"No! It was your dad."

"No Eddie boy." She whispered with a smile confusing the shit out of me. "My Eddie boy." She whispered a little louder. She smiled at me and shook her head. I looked down at her arms again. All her bruises faded and resurfaced as a few…all in her inner elbow. "Hey Eddie…" she said in a motherly and soft tone. I looked at her in the face. It wasn't Bella anymore. Her face molded like wax into the face of my mother, Elizabeth.

"Mom…"

"Yes Eddie…why didn't you save me? I'm your mom, Eddie! Why didn't you fix me?"

"I was a kid mom. You were sick…I didn't understand what kind of sick then…but now I do."

"But you didn't save me."

"I know"

"You can't save me anymore. It's too late. You didn't save me Eddie." She said looking down at her inner elbows. "I was sick and you didn't save me!"

"You didn't let me! You hid from me. But you were sick. I'm so sorry mom! I'm sorry I failed you!" I cried. I could feel the tears running down my face and my sobbing taking control of me. I buried my face deeper into the gravel it hurt. It hurt like hell.

"Edward…" She whispered. I turned to look at her.

It was Bella again. She sat even closer to me now. I reached out and touched her left arm and she didn't flinch.

She didn't jump. Instead, she took my hand in hers.

"Edward…_my_ Edward." She whispered and smiled at me. Her face no longer blotchy and she was no longer crying. Her smile was soft…honest…beautiful just for me.

Just for me.

"_My_ Edward."

"What do you mean by that, Bella?" She didn't answer and just smiled again. I was going to smile back at her when behind her came a shadow. It started hovering over her and her smiled went away.

No!

"I have to go now…" she whispered sadly.

"I know…" I whispered back. The shadow changed shape and became human.

If you can call him human.

Charles stood over Bella, who just looked at me sadly.

"No…I could do something…"

"But you won't." she shook her head.

"You don't know that! Someone has to do something! I will."

"Maybe…" Bella whispered back, but before she or I could say anything, Charles violently took her by the shoulder and began pulling her away.

"No!" I yelled but Charles didn't even look at me. He raised his hand at Bella and before she could see it, I felt it. He slapped her but somehow I felt it. Bella didn't make sound.

Bella wasn't real.

"Wake the fuck up!" I heard him and I tried to wake up, but my eyes wouldn't work with me. He slapped me again, a little harder. Not that he needed to add any more force. His fucking hand was made of metal.

"Uhh…" I moaned as I tried opening my eyes. I couldn't see anything. My vision was blurred and I could feel the puffiness around both of my eyes.

"Your foster parents are going to here in any moment. Get your ass of my jail bench!"

Jail bench? My foster parents? Shit! Carlisle and Esme! I looked around and found myself in a dark and nasty ass jail cell.

"Sit up!" He yelled again. I tried to oblige, but my body wouldn't let me. My ribs hurt, my chest ached and I felt weak.

"I ca..can…can't." I muttered.

"Oh hell yes you can." I heard Charles yell. He grabbed me by my chest and pulled me up. I screamed in the pain. He pushed me up against a hard and cold cement wall. He still held onto my shirt. "Oh shut the fuck up! I had a doctor look at you and said you hadn't broken anything as far as he could tell. You're just badly and horribly bruised boy! So man up! Use those balls of yours." He yelled into my face.

"Get the fuck off me!" I managed to yell and he laughed. I hate him! I want to rip his head off. I want to kick his ass to a pulp for me and…and….and for Bella. I want to give him a taste of his own medicine.

"Look you little bastard! I know where you come from. I know about your fucked up mom and your piece of shit father. I don't trust your white trash ass for a moment. You new mommy and daddy might have money and you can dress in all the nice clothes out there, but you're still a piece of shit. You're a piece of white trash, ass wipe!" I tried pushing him off but he shoved me harder into the wall and I screamed in pain.

"If you ever do that shit again and especially to James Whitley, the son of Port Angeles Mayor, John Whitley, I will send your 18 year old ass to the big boy jail. You're lucky the mayor wants to keep this in the low and wants nothing with you or else you would have been having a family reunion with your white trash father back in the Seattle's County Jail!" He spat in my face and threw me down on the bench again.

"I have to look good to Mayor Whitley and you're fucking it up boy!" he said sitting next to me. I held onto my chest, gasping for air. He wrapped an arm around my neck and pulled me closer to him. I yelped in paid.

I wanted to puke.

His hold was tight and I could feel the blood circulation to my head stop and I started gasping harder for air.

"You know…I'm lucky my daughter doesn't hang around with you Cullens. I don't want my sweet baby running around a bunch of mutts and fatherless bastards…especially you Mr. Masen." If the fucker even knew! I swear I wanted to break free from his hold and kick the living shit out of him. I would.

I will

"Sweet Isabella…I love my daughter Mr. Masen. She would never let me down…she's too scared to let me down…and you should be too Mr. Masen." He finally let me go and I fell back and hit my head on the wall. "You'll make sure to not inform your parents of my warnings…because…" he said taking out a small bag of what looked like cocaine out of his pocket. "I'll show them what I found on their son."

That shit isn't mine! The motherfucker!

"You know who they would believe, Mr. Masen? Yes…" I nodded. My life was shit if even I knew nobody would believe me. "Good, Mr. Masen." He patted my knee and stood up. He placed the small bag of cocaine in his pocket again. "Your foster parents are almost here, Mr. Masen. I have to go greet them and explain the situation. You'll stay in this jail cell, Mr. Masen. Isn't that right Mr. Masen? Mr. Masen….Mr. Masen…I'm talking to you Mr. Ma…"

"And I fucking heard you, asshole!" I yelled and he laughed again.

"Oh Mr. Masen…I might have a soft spot for you…wait…no, no I don't." he walked to the cell door and opened it. He stepped out and locked it. "I'll be back Mr. Masen. Don't sleep Mr. Masen. You might have another rude awakening, Mr. Masen." He chuckled and left.

"My name is fucking Edward Cullen, you piece of shit! You fucked up piece of shit!" I yelled at the top of my lungs. "My name is Edward Cullen! Edward fucking Cullen! Fuck you Swan! Fuck you!" I yelled.

It hurt.

I cried into the wall of the fucking jail cell.

"My name is Cullen. My name is Cullen. My name is Cullen."

I wish I was bullet proof.

Carlisle asked me if I wanted to go to the hospital. He knew better than to ask me.

I hated that place. I shook my head and he understood and didn't pressure me. After all, the jail's doctor took another look at me and said there was nothing broken. I was just fucked up in other ways.

Nobody said anything after that.

Esme cried while Carlisle started at the road ahead of him.

I sat in the back seat staring at the yellow lines passing by.

Bad idea.

I wanted to puke again.

I turned to look at Carlisle. His face was made of stone and his eyes were the only ones moving. I sat behind Esme, I didn't want to see her cry, but I could still hear her and that was worse. I wanted to sleep. The car's green numbers yelled at me. It was 4:15 in the morning.

Shit

When we finally got home, Esme was the first one to get out. She ran inside and I stayed behind. Carlisle didn't move. I didn't move.

"Are you hurting?" he asked and I could see him looking at me through the rear view mirror. I held my stomach and nodded. "Get off and stay in the kitchen. I'm going to look at your wounds. You're still bleeding, they must be deep cuts." He said lowly and with no emotion. I nodded and slowly made my way out of the car. I struggled and it took me three times longer than it normally would.

I slowly walked towards the house door grabbing onto to things to hold myself up.

Carlisle didn't even stop or ask if I needed help. He passed me and walked into the house.

I guess I deserve it.

I sat on a stool and Carlisle began cleaning the gash I had on top of my left eye, on the bottom of my eyebrow.

Fucking James and fucking Charles.

Carlisle said nothing as he worked on my left eye. He wouldn't let me clean my face or spit out the blood in my mouth.

It was punishment.

He mumbled something about not allowing Emmett out of his room and I wanted to chuckle at Emmett's grounding, but I held it in.

"Are you proud Carlisle?" I asked while he stitched my gash. He said nothing. I winced as he continued. He had given me a pain killer, but it hadn't taken effect. "Carlisle…I'm…look I…" I can't even apologize. I'm a dick. "Look I know…"

"Just don't say anything, Edward. You do what you do. You're Edward. I'm just glad your grades are amazing. It'll put you in a good school….far away from Esme so you won't hurt her anymore."

"Oh so you can't wait until I leave?"

"No, I'm just tired of seeing my wife cry for you when you don't deserve anybody sympathy. We've given you that for so many years and let you take your frustrations out, but it's gotten old. You say you don't want sympathy, but that's what you cause with your actions. How can you make someone care about you when you don't care about yourself? That's why I'll wait for you to grow up. I won't cry for you anymore Edward. I've already done that and you don't see how much you affect this family and this family doesn't deserve your blindness and unkindness. You've only caused so much sorrow when we've only loved you in return." He said and I fought back the tears. Carlisle said this? I must be a piece of shit if Carlisle is talking to me like this. He had finished stitching my gash and I violently stood up.

It hurt, but I had too much pride.

"Then why didn't you just let me die that day? It would have saved you and your wife all this "sorrow." I wouldn't be here for your fucking sympathy! Fuck you! I didn't ask you to save me. You could have just let the white trash boy die and nobody would've given a shit!" I yelled and started walking away.

"Edward! Son…" Carlisle yelled. He sounded guilty, I could hear the knot in his throat, but I ignored him. I slowly made my way to my room with tears running down my cheeks and grabbed a bottle of vodka from my closet. It probably wasn't a good idea with the pain meds, but I didn't give a shit right now. I drank the whole thing while sitting on my bed. I grabbed another bottle and stared out my window. I glanced at the clock. It was 5:55 now. I had to get up in ten minutes to get ready for school. I chuckled darkly. I guess I'm not going.

I turned to the window again.

The sun will be up in any moment now.

I wonder if Bella gets up this early or later? I'll check.

I stood up and started climbing out my window. I almost fell a few times. It hurt to hold on, but I had to get out of this house. But shit…I had a bottle of vodka in one hand, I was drunk already and I was pretty broken up so this wasn't working out. I planned to walk. I didn't want to ride my bike. That would probably hurt.

It was cold as hell…as usual. The cold made my wounds hurt more and the same time it felt good. I wasn't wearing a sweater or a jacket nor did I care. I just had to get away. I bet Bella's room is warm.

When I finally made my way into the woods, I remembered that Bella was mad at me. Not that I blame her, but I really wished she would could be mad at me another day so I could go over to her house. I wanna show that her dad showed me some love, just like he does with her.

I chuckled to myself. Maybe if he's there we'll have a reunion of some sort and talk about it…share our experiences. I chuckled again.

Shit

Now where?

I mean she would forgive me right? She had to get over it.

Probably not…I don't know why I felt so disappointed. I decided to ignore the damn feeling and decided against visiting Bella. My vision blurred and everything around me starting spinning. My eyes began closing by themselves and my breathing slowed. I need a place to sleep. I decided to make my way to the meadow. Maybe that would give me some peace.

I tried remembering where it was, but I was pretty much too fucked up to function anymore. When I thought I had found it, suddenly everything starting coming up…wait…my foot got caught on some weeds .

I'm falling.

Shit I'm falling.

I tried grabbing onto something, but gravity had other plans.

I fell, face first into the ground. I grunted in pain…but the darkness returned and I no longer knew where I was or what I was doing. The last thing I had heard was the sound of my vodka bottle hitting something hard, shattering into many pieces…too bad it was some good vodka. I began dreaming again. I dreamt about random shit, mostly shit that made no sense. I don't know how long I laid there. I hoped someone would find me, because it was getting too fucking cold. I felt my body shivering trying to warm itself up and each time I trembled, twitched or tried to hold myself to find warmth…it hurt.

Then there was Bella.

Bella sat next to me again. I reached for her, but she pulled away. She glared at me and I smiled at her. I like pissy Bella.

Yep, even dream Bella is pissed. I should at least apologize to dream Bella.

"Edward?" She yelled at me. "Edward!" Dream Bella sat up and left and was replaced by just her voice.

"What?" I whispered. I rolled onto on my back with every bit of strength I had. I let out a loud groan grabbing the right side of my body. Chief Swan's fucking boots! One day….one fucking day he'll…

"Oh my god Edward. What happened to you?" did I look fucked up in my dreams too? I suddenly felt a warm hand on my cheek. I sighed uncontrollably. My body reacted to the warmth like a drug addict reacts to drugs. I felt the goose bumps running up my arm and even that hurt.

"Edward…can you hear me? Do you want me to take you to a hospital?" hell no. I slowly opened my eyes, the sun hit them with a fury and I winced and hissed in pain. What time is it? And why is it still cold with the sun out? Fucking Washington! I closed my eyes again. "I can take you to the hospital Edward!" I heard her voice far and echoing, but somehow I knew she was close. I felt her. Her warm body was by my side. I didn't know if it was a dream anymore, so I reached out and grabbed what I could feel.

She intertwined her fingers with mine.

"You're hand is warm Dream Bella. I like it."

"What? Edward, you have to open you eyes!"

"I can't."

"Why? Are you in pain?"

"Yes"

"I can take you to a hospital."

I tried shaking my head to let her know I didn't want a hospital, but I wasn't sure if that was working. I wasn't sure if I was moving my head with enough force that she would see. I had to say something.

"No…" I managed to mutter. Was I even awake? I might be talking to a damn wolf for all I know.

"Then… what can I do for you? Tell me already!" she sounded so worried. I wanted to smile at her sudden worry, but I'm not sure I had the strength. Dream Bella wasn't mad at me anymore. It made me happy. "You're…you're covered in blood…oh god! Blood…" she said gasped.

Oh…Bella and blood don't go well together. Maybe dream Bella will be smarter and go away.

"Its…ugh…its okay Bella…I just…got in a fight…not feeling too well though." I said slowly and there was a long silence. I'm guessing dream Bella doesn't want to stick around either…don't blame her. I gulped and suddenly felt a small hand on my face again. I shuddered and though it hurt that I did…I liked it. I liked her warm hand on my cold cheek.

"I can help you." I heard her say. Dream Bella isn't so smart…but she's nice. She wants to help.

"But blood makes you sick."

"It doesn't matter now. I want to help you." She said now with both of her hands on my face.

"Ok" I whispered.

"But Edward…you're going to have to help me. I'm not very strong."

"You always say that…its bullshit Bella. Now I know." I didn't know why I felt like complementing dream Bella, but her "I'm weak" story was getting annoying since it wasn't true. After the shit I went through with her fucked up dad, I was pretty sure Bella went through that on a daily basis and that made her pretty fucking tough if you ask me. I can deny it and pretend it isn't bad just to make myself feel better, but I know the truth and it's fucked up. Her dad is fucked up.

She rubbed my upper arm and I felt a wave of electricity move through my body.

"I parked my truck by the road. I'm sure we can make it if you help me get there. Can you walk?" She said. "Edward?" I fell back into unconsciousness. I didn't have any control of my mind. I felt like I was falling and I didn't have any control over that either. I flinched.

"Edward!" I heard her yell and I quickly opened my eyes.

Dream Bella has pretty brown eyes…just like real Bella, but she doesn't wear her glasses. She was hovering over me with her face inches from mine. Her eyebrows furrowed and her forehead wrinkled in worry. "Edward, come on." She said. The sun light circled her head and I smiled. She looked like a Catholic saint. Maybe my vision was just blurry and cloudy, but it was a cool affect on her face. She looked as if she was floating somewhere holy.

Holy shit

"Your name means beautiful, Bella…" I said. What the fuck is wrong with me? I'm so high and drunk and just plain fucked up.

"What?" She looked confused. I slowly raised my hand and took a few strands of her brown hair and gently placed them behind her ear. Her brown eyes widened and mouth fell open. Through my foggy vision I could still see her blush and I chuckled. She shook her head. "Edward, I'm going to try and help you sit, okay?"

"Okay."

She wrapped an arm around my back and held onto my arm with her other hand.

"On three try and sit up…okay."

"Uh huh…"

"Okay…one, two and three." She said and she huffed and I pulled up. We struggled and she was right, she wasn't very strong, but we made it. She was gasping for air after. "Okay, well that worked." She tried catching her breath. She knelt in front of me.

"Edward?"

"Hmm"

"Well you look up at me?" she asked and that's when I realized I was almost falling forward.

"Yes Bella…" I said shaking. My back wanted to give up and my arms weren't strong at the moment. I felt fuzzy and like a big blob of jelly…painful jelly. I don't think I can stay up for long.

"We are going to try and get you up on your feet…okay?"

"Yep…" I muttered.

"But I want to ask something of you…are you listening to me?" she asked as if I was a child. I rolled my eyes.

"Yes"

"Okay, I'm going to be right here by you in case you need support…but…" she paused and took a deep breath. "Try and not grab my arms so hard or anything else…you don't want that. I don't want that. You don't want that, because I'm the only one out here and if you do that…" she sighed again. "just don't grab me hard…I'm sorry I'm asking this of you…"

"Huh…"

"Just don't"

"Ok…whatever…don't grab hard. Got it." I mumbled.

"Ok" she wrapped my arm around her neck and took a deep breath. She was shaking a little. I turned and looked at her.

"You sure about this?" I slurred each word but she understood and nodded.

"Yes. You ready?"

"Yes."

"Ok just try and stand up. I'll be here." She said and I started getting on my knees, with one arm still around her neck. I was weak. I could feel the weakness in my arms as they started to give up. I panicked and held onto her back with force.

"Oh my god!" she gasped. She started breathing hard and her hand on my back grabbed my shirt in panic and I could feel her little body shaking.

"I'm sorry Bella." I pleaded, but she just shook her head and took a deep breath trying to calm herself down.

"Its okay just keep going!" she ordered and I did what I was told. My knees tried to give up on me, but Bella held onto me and I forced myself up. I finally made it to my feet and my head started spinning.

"Wow!" I said grabbing my head.

"You okay?"

"Just a little dizzy…"

"Well, we're going to walk now. Just hold on to me, but not so tight." She said and I could hear the embarrassment in her voice. She tried pulling me forward and I took a small baby step and I smiled.

"Bella"

"Yes, Edward."

"I think I'm going to fall again."

"No!" She panicked and pulled towards a tree. "Hold on to the tree. We can walk from tree to tree."

"Ok…" I said grabbing the tree for dear life. Everything was still spinning and cloudy. She took me by the arm and pulled me forward.

"Come on Edward." I stumbled to the next tree, but didn't fall. And so we continued forward. "Bella" I said after a while of walking.

"Yes Edward"

"I just realized you're really here. You're real." I said and I heard her chuckle as I pulled my way to another tree. I wanted to ask her what the hell was she doing here and why she wasn't in school. I wanted to ask her how she found me and most importantly, why was she was saving me. But I didn't have any strength left. I wish I did.

We finally made it to the road and Bella squeezed my arm.

"We're here. My truck is over there." She said pointing at it. I just nodded and she pulled me forward and wrapped an arm around my waist and I wrapped an arm around her small shoulders. I was afraid to lean on her. I didn't want to break her, but my body threatened to give up. I held onto her as we both walked to her truck. As we made it to the ugly piece of scrap metal, I held onto to it as Bella opened the passenger door. It opened with a squeak and as Bella moved out of the way so I could get in, I looked at her.

"I don't want to stain your truck." I said and she rolled her eyes.

"It's already a piece of crap Edward. We need to get you some help." She said and gave a soft smile that went through me causing a shiver. She helped me into her truck. Bella's hands are gentle and small, even when she is pushing and pulling with all her strength, it's still gentle.

Bella closed my door and ran to the driver's side.

"So no hospital?"

"No, I hate that place."

"Makes two of us. So your house. Your dad is a doctor. He has to…"

"No!" I cut her off and she jumped. "I'm sorry. Just…anywhere but home." I whispered and she just shook her head. She stared at me waiting for an answer. The look on her face seemed to be out of sympathy. Great! Bella feels bad for me. Just what I fucking needed!

"So where to?" I wish I could tell her where. The truth is I didn't know where. I had no idea where to go. Besides, I fell asleep. I buried my face into her seat probably staining it with blood, but I was tired and to drugged and drunk to care. I had not slept well or at all and it was already a whole new fucking day!

"Edward?" I heard her, but I couldn't answer her back. "Edward I'm going to help you. I promise." I heard the truck's engine come to life and we started moving.

Why?

Out of all people, Bella Swan wants to help me. ME? When I'm the one who has refused to help her by pretending that what I saw a few nights ago isn't that bad. Me, the guy that is supposed to fuck her brains out to then proceed to ditch her for a sick joke. Me, the jackass that has teased her all these years, Bella wants to help me.

In my drugged, beaten state I could hardly comprehend her motives

_Does everybody need a damn reason to be a good person?_

Good people don't exist. There is the "I'm such a good person" type people that go on professing that they are so good and nice and in that process make everyone else feel shit worthy because of their arrogance, hence my family. Then there are the shitty people, the ones that don't care what they are doing to others around them and act in a destructive manner with everyone and with themselves, hence me…and my real mother. Then there are the totally fucked up assholes; Bella's father. I don't need to explain that shit. That fucker rejoices in hurting people.

And then…

And then there's Bella.

Where does Bella fall?

She doesn't think much of herself. She isn't shitty with others and she definitely is not fucked up in the head. She minds her own business, of course not when she told on us which after knowing Bella for these few days, I still don't understand why she did it.

_Did she even fucking do I shithead?_

Fuck you inner voice.

"Edward," Bella's voice was soothing to my now resonating headache. "I didn't know where to take you. I figured I could clean you up a little you're covered in…" her voice broke as she said the last word. "covered in blood. Maybe I can bring down the swelling on your face. Edward…open your eyes and look at me." I did what I was told. Bella's face was full of worry. I looked around. The passenger door was opened and Bella was standing by me. We were outside her house.

"What? Aren't you parents here?" I asked and that's when I remembered Charles. I began to shake my head. "I can't be here Bella!"

"Shh! Don't worry, my mother isn't here. She's at this book thing and my father doesn't get home until around two in the afternoon."

"What time is it now?"

"Eight in the morning."

"What?"

"Yes, so come on. We have plenty of time to get you fixed up. Are you still drugged or dizzy?"

"A little, but I feel better." I lied.

"Okay, well come one." She said opening the door wider and holding it. "Can you get out?"

"Yes, I'm not a child!" I said annoyed.

"Well you act like one! Getting in a fight? Really Edward?"

"Don't lecture me!" I said and immediately grabbed my head. "That hurt…shouldn't yell."

"I'm sorry…I shouldn't have lectured." she sighed. I dragged my heavy feet out of the truck and landed on the ground. I thought I was going to tumble over, but I grabbed onto the truck and Bella held onto me. "Let's walk together." She said and we headed for her house door. I wrapped an arm around her shoulders and she held onto me.

"There are neighbors." I cautioned.

"They all work. Don't worry about it." We got to her door and out of her jeans, she took a key out and opened the door.

The smell of cleaning spray hit my face and I felt nauseas, but I held it in. We walked into Bella's house and the wooden floor creaked and I jumped.

I'm jumping now?

"Relax, Edward. It's just you and me." Bella whispered. I looked down at her and she gave me a soft smile. "I'm going to hide you in my room. That means we have to climb stairs. You up for it?" I smiled back at her and nodded. We started walking again, with my arm around her shoulders and as we made our way to the stairs I took a look around her house. We passed the living room. There was a raggedy couch in front of a giant plasma TV and some empty beer bottles laying around. They were a lot of beer bottles. I looked down at Bella who was looking at me now. She blushed in embarrassment and looked away.

"It's okay Bella. I forgive you not inviting me to your party." I said and she grinned. We made it to her room. The stairs were a pain and I know Bella was annoyed and irritated as fuck by the end of it, but she didn't say anything or yelled. I was grateful.

We entered her room and Bella led me to her, messy and undone bed. I thought I was sitting down, but I ended up falling on it. I had no control what so ever and I groaned at the pain.

"Sit up." Bella ordered and I meekly made my way up. "Lets take your shirt off." She ordered and I looked up at her and smirked. She rolled her eyes. "It's covered…"

"Blood? Yeah I know." I mumbled and tried taking it off, but my fingers slipped and I was about to fall back again, when Bella grabbed me by the arms.

"Ah!" I cried and she jumped.

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry Edward!" She pleaded.

"It's fine. It's my fault I hurt everywhere."

"Well let me help you with the shirt." She said and I let her. As I sat at the edge of her bed, she stood in front of me and pulled the hem of my shirt slowly up my body and if I wasn't so battered up I would've been turned on. Her finger tips grazed my skin as they moved up from my belly to my chest. My skin quickly shivered and I could feel the goose bumps taking over every bit of my skin.

What the hell was that?

As Bella pulled my shirt off my head, I fell back on her bed again and groaned.

"Lay there. I'm going to get rid of this in the restroom!" Bella said and ran into what I guessed was her restroom, holding my shirt away from her body. She acted as if it was covered in disease. I chuckled. Weakly, I positioned myself correctly on her bed, with my head on one of her pillows and as the weight of my head landed on the pillow, a strawberry scent invaded my nose and my head. I smiled to myself. And the damn goose bumps got worse.

I'm such a pussy.

After a few minutes in the restroom, Bella walked out with a plastic bowl and some rags. She placed everything on her nightstand and turned to look at me.

"Edwa…" she stopped herself and her mouth fell open a little. She fluttered her eyes a bit and her cheeks turned red and it wasn't until I followed her gaze that I realized that Bella was staring at my chest. I looked at her again and she looked at me in the eyes. She held no embarrassment or shyness. I didn't give her a cocky smile or made a smart remark…

Bella's gaze on my body caused an electric wave through me. She bit down on her lower lip and I was about to reach for her hand, when she nervously reacted and stepped back.

"Um…I…um..uh…I'm going to get some ice for your swelling and I…um…don't move…well you can't move…but I'm going to be right back. Okay?" she said and I just nodded.

Bella ran out of her room and before I knew it, I had fallen asleep yet again. I don't know for how long I had lost consciousness, but I was awakened by her hands on my face. I fluttered my eyes open to find a sweaty, shaky, and very sick looking Bella. She hovered over me and gently rubbed my face clean with a wet rag. She was biting down on her lip again; so hard, I thought she would finally just chew it off. She had her hair up in a messy bun with a few strands on her face and some hairs were sticking to her sweaty neck. She wasn't wearing her glasses and gave easier access to her chocolate brown eyes that were full of fear. She was in a white tank top, no longer hiding her bruises and I winced. I wasn't sure if it was because of my own pain anymore. I cleared my throat.

"Why are you so afraid of blood?" I whispered as she had started cleaning the other side of my face. She stopped and stared into my eyes and shook her head looking down. She avoided my eyes as she spoke.

"I don't know. I've been like this for a few years now. I wish I knew…I think I know why, but I don't like admitting it myself." She whispered back.

"You don't like admitting what made you so scared of blood?" I whispered again. She looked at me in eyes again and her face fell.

"I don't like admitting that I'm ruined." She said, her voice broken now.

"You're not ruined." I whispered again and gently moved a strand from her hair behind her ear with my hand.

"You don't know that." She said and started cleaning my face again. I winced and she stopped. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be." I said and tried smiling at her, but it hurt.

She continued with her magical cure of my fucked up face and as she concentrated again, her face lowered closer to mine.

"You don't have to do this. I don't want you to get sick because of me." I said and she shook her head.

"It's not your fault. I want to help you. I just can't leave you like this." She whispered and I furrowed my eyebrows.

"Why? I'm a dickhead. I probably deserve this."

"You also deserve for someone to help you. You're not a beast." She said and I sighed.

"I think I like you Bella Swan." I said sarcastically and she rolled her eyes and smiled. We stayed silent for another long moment, but I decided to break the silence.

"Who ruined you, Bella?" I asked and she immediately stopped what she was doing and looked at me in the eyes. She blinked and looked down again. She didn't answer. I swallowed and cleared my throat. It was painfully dry.

"Oh, I totally forgot that I brought you water!" She said and grabbed a glass of water from the night stand. "You wanna sit up? Can you?"

"Yeah…I think." I said and painfully sat up and rested against the bed's headboard. I took the glass of water from her small and shaky hands and gulped the damn thing down. "Thank you, Bella."

"Yeah…um do you want me to call someone?"

"No!"

"Well…"

"Please I don't want to go home right now. They don't want me there. I've already created too many problems. Trust me on this; they're probably happy that they don't have to deal with me today."

"That can't be true. They're your family."

"Well your father is you father and look at what he did." I said and she looked down again. I'm an ass. "I'm sorry Bella, see I'm an asshole."

"No, just…" She sighed. "Um… you're right. Can't trust anybody these days." I nodded and then realization hit me. Shit.

"You're still pissed at me right?" I asked and she raised her eye brows.

"Very."

"What if I said I'm so fucking sorry for acting like a douche bag and that I didn't mean it?"

"I'm still pissed." She said and grabbed the rag and began cleaning at my face again. She wasn't as gentle as before I winced but she didn't stop this time and I chuckled.

"A part of me wants to tell you that I only blew you off so that you wouldn't stand there in front of those assholes and another part of me tells me that I'm the asshole. I tend to agree with the second part." I said and she smiled. "Why did you go up to me anyway? That's not like you. You know what those motherfuckers are like."

"You never told me if we were going to meet after school. I didn't want to leave you hanging." She said lowly and I felt the overwhelming and painful shadow of guilt. I swallowed the guilt and looked at her and softly smiled at her.

"I'm sorry." I whispered and she smiled back.

"You sound honest so I might consider it." She said and I chuckled again.

"Why aren't you in school?" I asked and she just shrugged.

"I was trying to avoid you. I was really mad at you." She said and I smiled.

"How did you end up finding me in the woods?"

"I was trying to find a tree to draw. I was in the mood for trees." She said and shrugged again. "I wanted a tree and I wanted to avoid you. Instead I found you and no tree, the irony." I chuckled again.

"I'm sorry I ruined your plans."

"Don't be ridiculous." She finished cleaning my face and ran her index finger across my right cheek and I let out a shaky sigh. I quickly looked for sign that she had noticed my strange reaction to her touch, but she didn't flinch or say anything. She just stared at whatever she was looking at on my face. It was probably my black eye. "Does it hurt?" she asked and ran her finger tip over my cheek bone and I goose bumped.

What the hell is wrong with me?

"Yes, but its bearable. Does it look bad?" I asked worried and her hand dropped to my shoulder and I don't think she noticed.

"Not that bad. Don't worry you're still pretty…" she was joking, but she immediately blushed. "I um…uh."

"Do you think I'm pretty?" I asked with a crooked smile and she quickly removed her hand from my shoulder.

"I um…"

"Its okay Bella, I was just joking." I said and she shook her head in relief.

"Whose ass did you kick anyway?" she asked and in the moment I remembered. I remembered fighting with James, but I also remembered her father.

How did Charles and the cops find us anyway?

I told Bella about the racing…

She couldn't have…I mean why would she?

_She was pissed at you. You humiliated her. She had to get back at you._

"Um I fought with some douche bag." I mumbled, but decided to test her. "We fought until the cops got there." I said and she whipped her head up.

"Oh my god. Did you get caught? I hope you got away! Did you?" Bella asked and she sounded genuinely honest. The way her forehead creased and her eyes widened, only proved to me that Bella…was honest and innocent.

"I did and I got arrested." I said and she covered her mouth in disbelief. "Um…I was arrested by your father." She jumped off the bed and landed on her feet with a loud 'thud' and started pacing around.

"Oh my god…oh my god…oh my god. No, no, no this…that. No!" she started panting and running her hands through her hair. "Did he do something to you? Oh my god did he say something rude to you? I'm sorry…I'm so sorry if he humiliated you. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry!" she said running out of breath. I stared in shock and quite frankly, in sadness. Bella knew her father too well. It was sad because what was to be known of him was complete fuckery. What she knew of him and I what I had seen and come to realize, was fucking scary and heavy on the chest. I shook my head. I had to lie to Bella. If I told her the truth, she would only torture herself.

"Bella calm down! Your dad didn't to any of that shit." Fucking lie. He did all of those things. "He just arrested me and put me in a jail cell. That's it." I said trying to ease her down and it seemed to work-a little. She sat back down on the bed, but didn't look at me. She seemed so ashamed and I wanted to say or do something…and I did.

I rubbed her arm and she only jumped a little, but I got her to look at me. Her eyes were red and her lower lip was being punished by her teeth. I sighed and sat up a little higher up the headboard. I clenched my teeth in order to keep in the groan that wanted to escape my throat. I was shit sore, but Bella needed some confidence headed her way, not some dickhead with his faced smashed in.

I gently took her chin and pulled it down so her lip could escape its punishment…

"Bella, don't punish yourself for someone else's fucked up head. Even if that someone is related to you, you aren't that someone. You are not Charles Swan and for that one reason alone, you are not responsible for anything he does or says. Not even when he does shit to you. Always know that Bella. It will never be your fault." I said and she looked down again. "I know I'm a not good person, but if I were like my real mother or father, I would be six feet under right now. I'm fucking proud I'm not like them and you should to. You, especially you. And you're wrong." I sighed and took one of her small hands in mine. She looked at me again. "He didn't ruin you." She let out shaky breath. "Bella Swan you are not ruined. If you were you wouldn't draw so fucking awesome, you wouldn't have fuck awesome taste in music and have your wit…you hide that shit well, but you have it. If you were ruined I would still be face down in the dirt with my broken pathetic self. But look at me." I said and she smiled. "I'm getting fixed and I'm pretty sure I'll be sore as hell for days to come, but at least I had someone who tried to fix me. You're not ruined." I repeated and squeezed her hand.

"Thanks Edward, you aren't so douchie. I think I like you too Cullen." She said with a hint of sarcasm and I chuckled, loudly this time.

At ten, Bella helped me to her shower and almost ran out the door as I stepped inside the restroom. I chuckled. I washed off all the blood and the warm water felt amazing on my sore muscles. I made sure not to be so loud with my moaning; Bella would think I was doing something else. She let me wear my old Radiohead t-shirt, which was tight as hell on me, but it was that or one of Charles' old t-shirts. She let me wear some old sweat pants of hers and they were tight, but not as tight as I thought they would be. Apparently, they were Bella's favorite baggy ass sweat pants.

After I got out of the shower, Bella brought me soup. I fucking hate soup, it's the lamest excuse for a meal. BUT. I almost cummed in my tight sweat pants when I tasted her soup. It was fucking delicious and I couldn't help but moan. Bella giggled and I glared at her which only made her giggle more. Bella sat with me while I ate and we watched TV while lying on her bed. I poked fun at her when she had to grab her glasses to watch TV and she just flipped me off.

She flipped the channels until we both agreed on old re-runs of "That 70's Show". Hearing Bella laugh was distracting. Watching Bella laugh was just too entertaining and dazzling and I couldn't care less about my secret hot obsession of Donna and her flaming red hair.

After my third bowl of soup and after the third re-run on TV, we started talking about random things. I had decided to ask Bella what she had not done in her life that she thought most people had done.

"Um, well…I've never been to a rock concert."

"Right"

"Uh never gone to the mall."

"What?"

"My mom buys me all my clothes and Father says the mall is too expensive and that they even charge to walk in."

"No they don't!" I said and she shook her head and shrugged.

"I really don't care. I don't like shopping as it is." She sighed.

'Well, me neither…go on."

"Um I never learned how to ride a bike. I had a friend who tried to teach me with his bike, but he was too short tempered and I am to clumsy and unbalanced so we just gave up. But I really would like to ride one. I think it would be fun." She said and though I was put out off knowing that this 'friend' was a he, I smiled at Bella's innocence. "What else…lets see…I've never gone swimming."

"What? That's totally…you're missing out. I love swimming. Seriously, you're missing out."

"Thanks for reminding me." She said with a smile and rolled her eyes and I smiled back apologetically. "I don't know how to swim. I would like to. The water looks like it would feel good."

"Maybe, when it finally gets hot in this town, I'll take you to the lake that's by my house and I'll show you." I said and she smiled again.

"I've never been to a carnival or fair. Since I watched the Notebook on TV, I've wanted to go to one." She said and I chuckled.

"What? You think you're gonna meet the love of your life there?"

"Nah, I just wanna get on a ride. They look like fun."

"Well, they come to Port Angeles all the time. Why don't you sneak off when they do?"

"You're funny." She said dryly as if it was an impossible idea. "Oh I got another one that will make you shout!" she said excitedly and I chuckled and raised my eyebrows waiting for it. ".Never. Had..Meal. From McDonalds!" I said and I almost chocked on my saliva.

"That's impossible! Everyone has had a damn Happy Meal!"

"Well not me! Father said it was a waste of money and didn't let my mom buy me one. He threatened her and me, so we just got over it." I almost shook in front of her out of the anger I felt for that asshole. "He said he wasn't paying for a plastic toy I would forget about the next day, but he didn't understand. That was the whole point." She sighed and ran her hands through her hair. "When I was in elementary, I would get food from the lunch line while other kids brought their own. Sometimes, some moms and dads would bring their kids a Happy Meal, because it was their birthday and I would just stare at them in envy. I envied those two minutes in which they smiled and ignored their food while they took their plastic stupid toy out of the paper bag. I envied the look on their faces as they ripped opened the plastic bag that contained the useless toy. I wanted to feel that glee for two minutes of my life. I just wanted to taste and feel that for two minutes at least." She said and sighed again and looked at me. "I'm stupid I know."

"No! You were a kid. You deserved a damn toy. You also deserved for your parents to bring you lunch for your birthday."

"I haven't celebrated a birthday in years! The last time I did, I was…" she stopped herself and shook her head.

"You were what?"

"I'm sorry I wasn't planning on telling you…it jus came out."

"Well you opened you mouth, so now you finish. I suggest…"

"I was 13." She cut me off. "My mom baked me a cake and decorated the kitchen with ribbons and confetti. Father…" she took a shaky breath and her right hand started shaking. "Father was there too."

"So what happened?" her shaking become worse and she hid her right hand behind her back, but her knee started to bouncing.

"Nothing…nothing happened. It was just a simple 'happy birthday' by my parents. Nothing happened, nothing happened, nothing happened" she repeated a few more times as if trying to convince herself, rather than me. She retuned her hands to her lap and with her left hand grabbed her knee as if trying to stop it from bouncing.

"It's alright Bella." I said and she shook her head. I grabbed her shaky right hand in mine and her gaze turned to me. Her eyes were soft, but full of hurt and worry. "It's alright."

We returned our attention to the TV.

"Has your family called you?" she asked and I moaned in annoyance.

"Probably, I sort of snuck out of my room, but I'm sure when they see my Volvo still home and notice my absence in school and at the house, they'll start asking. If I'm lucky, they'll worry." I said while staring at the TV.

"You're so sure of their dislike for you."

"Yes, I am."

"Then why don't you leave? You're 18. Don't foster care children get to leave when they're 18?" She asked and I held my eyes on the TV. I didn't even know what we were watching anymore.

"I don't leave, because I have no money that's really mine. It's their money. Besides, I have to finish school first."

"Can they sill have custody over you?"

"They adopted us when we turned 14. I just keep telling everyone they are our foster parents, because that's how I knew them first and it's stuck in my head. Also…" I sighed. "By saying they are my legal parents now, its like slapping my real mother in the face and spitting at her for being such a fucked up mother. She was such a fucked up mother that I had to replace her." I said and Bella stayed silent. "You probably think I need to grow up and get the fuck over it. You probably think I'm just a whiney teenager with problems. Go ahead! That's just how I feel."

"No! I understand you. I would probably do the same." She said lowly and I finally turned and looked at her. She was looking down at her arm and with one of her hands was tracing one of her bruises with her index finger.

"Do they hurt?" I asked and she didn't look up.

"Only for a few days and after I just have these stupid spots that remind me of what happened. That's worse." She said and finally looked up at me. "But they eventually go away. The bruises in my mind won't go away. They're worse. I wish they would go away." She sadly smiled at me and I scooted my way closer to her. I gently took her arm and my right index finger I softly circled the same bruise she was attending to earlier. Her pale skin goose bumped and her breathing quickened.

"Don't be scared Bella. Not everyone is out there to hurt you. It might be hard for you to believe. But I won't ever hurt you. I swear." I said looking into those big brown eyes of hers.

"I'm not scared of you, Edward. Not anymore. I trust that you won't." She whispered causing a warm weight on my chest and a strange feeling of excitement. I smiled at her and she returned a soft smile.

I won.

The sudden realization filled me with guilt and I wanted to get up and walk away before I broke my promise to her, but I couldn't. My body didn't move and I didn't mind.

I don't mind. I want to stay.

I won. Bella trusts me. I can see it in her eyes and in her smile.

But why do I feel so shitty? Aren't I supposed to feel good that I won the impossible game of that was winning Bella's trust?

I stared at her and her eyes were fixated with me as well. I stared at the way her cheeks were blushed and full, plum lips were no longer being punished by her teeth. She had stopped breathing and I chuckled. I was about to make a joke when the sound of an engine roared into her house's drive way. Bella's eyes widened and she jumped off the bed and ran to her balcony and looked out the glass door.

"Oh my god…oh my god…oh my god, he's here!" she looked terrified. Her right hand started shaking again. "Oh my god and you're here and I'm not in school and…oh my god what am I going to do?" I quickly got up from the bed, ignoring my body's protests and walked to her. I held her by her shoulders and she jumped.

"Bella calm down! He won't find me in here. He didn't last time. Just make some story up…I don't know, tell him that they let you get out of school early today because you were ahead."

"He won't believe that!"

"Well at least try! I'm here now. If he tries anything, I'll be here. Just scream and I'll kick his ass."

"You're hurt!"

"So…" In that moment we both heard the front door open.

"Shit…" she said and her eyes reddened and she began to shake harder.

"Bella breathe!" I whispered loudly.

"You have…you have to…you have to…you have to hide." She said pushing me back. "Get in my closet again and stay in there until I tell you its okay to come out!" she said and stopped walking right before I entered the closet.

"I'm not hiding like a big pussy this time!"

"You're not a pussy. Just hide! You would only make it worse for both of us."

"Do you promise to scream if he starts hitting you?" She took a deep breath. "Promise me you will Bella!"

"I promise!" She said and finally managed to push me into the closet closing the door in my face again. I heard the door to her room close and her light steps heading down the stairs.

Time is a bitch.

I paced in the tiny space that was Bella's closet. I began to hyperventilate and sweat ran down my face. I felt like puking my heart out and punching a wall.

Why doesn't she come back already?

I sat in her closet and stared at her green sweater.

Fucking green sweater! Fucking Converse, they were in my ass! I was sitting on them and I didn't have the space to move them. Fucking smell of strawberries! I had to get out of here! What if Bella did scream and I didn't hear her? She's probably too far away and I can't hear her. I have to get out of here.

I opened the closet door and gently, but quickly made my way to her room's door and placed my ear against it.

Nothing.

I tried opening the door, but it was locked.

Damn Bella, you traitor! You promised! I pushed my anger for her away and began to think of the worse.

Shit! What if he killed her? What if he was still pissed about last night and kicked her ass so bad that he killed her? It would be my fault! I ran to her balcony door and I was about to open it to go find her, when Charles walked out to his cruiser with two suit cases, one in each hand. He looked pissed and tired as hell, but that didn't prevent him from looking violent as he threw his suit cases into his car. He roughly got into his cruiser and took off.

I turned back into Bella's room, when someone unlocked her door from the outside. When her head poked in I sighed in relief. I didn't even let her walk into her room completely when I walked towards her.

"What the hell Bella? I was fucking suffocating with the fucking worry. You could have at least come by and let me know you were alright! And then you fucking locked the fucking door! How was I going to fucking get to you? Do you not fucking think?" I yelled and she looked at me confused.

"Uh…don't worry. He didn't do anything, so I didn't need for you to get to me. Calm down!" she said back and furrowed her eyebrows.

"But he could have."

"But he didn't."

"You know what? Whatever!" I said and she smiled. "What the fuck you smiling about?"

"You look funny when you're mad." My face fell and I tried to straighten it, only causing her to laugh. I couldn't help but smile at her laughter.

"Bella just a few minutes you were…"

"I know, but Father is leaving for the rest of the week!" she squealed. In a normal situation, a girl would be sad for her father leaving, but for Bella, it was a blessing.

"Where to?"

"To Seattle, he has this meeting that they barely told him about, but he left!" she said again and I smiled at her. She looked adorable when she was all jumpy for joy.

_Adorable?_

"Well that's good news."

"Hell yes!" she said and walked to her bed and sat down. "I'm sorry I didn't come let you out. He had me cook for him while he got ready to leave. I didn't trust you would stay in here so I had to lock the door. I was so nervous and scared shitless that he would come up here, but he didn't. I kept trying to keep my eyes on him. But…" she sighed looking down. "He didn't make it up here." She said and suddenly looked at up at me again. "Are you hungry? I made some sandwiches."

"I just ate."

"Oh well, if you get hungry let me know…unless you're gonna leave already."

"Do you want me to leave?"

"No…I mean…it's up to you. You're welcome to stay." She said when I heard my phone ring.

"Shit, where's my phone?" Bella stood up and opened a drawer on her night stand and pulled it out. She handed it to me and I groaned when I saw the name on the screen.

_Alice_

Was my family too scared to call me? They had my sister call me? I pressed the green button and answered.

"Yes."

"Oh my god Edward! Where have you been? I called home to ask how you were feeling when Esme said you weren't in your room. I told her that you weren't in school and she said she guessed that because your Volvo was home. But then she started panicking because you were not in the house and…"

"Alice calm down. I'm alright and yes I'm feeling better."

"Where are you?"

"Um…" I couldn't tell her the truth. She would think my reasons were something else. "It doesn't matter. I'm fine I swear."

"Well are you going to be home tonight?"

"Was Esme crying?"

"Yeah…" she whispered into the phone. "And Carlisle didn't look too happy."

"Well…no. I won't be. But tell them to not worry and that I just need some time alone."

"You can't hide Edward."

"I can sister and I will for today." I said and ended the call. I turned to face Bella. She was staring at her feet as if she wasn't trying to listen to my conversation. "Can…can I stay here for tonight? I don't want to go home today. My family is pretty pissed at me right now and they wouldn't guess I was here so they won't find me. I mean if you don't want me to…"

"It's fine. I'll sleep on the floor."

"Are you stupid? No, it's your room and your house. I'm the homeless asshole so I deserve the floor."

"You aren't homeless and nobody deserves the floor."

"Just let me do something good today. Let me sacrifice myself for your sleep!" I said and she rolled her eyes and nodded.

Bella and I spent the rest of the day watching TV and babbling about random shit and bickering about things we didn't agree on, which were a lot of things. She fed me and I felt like a complete jackass having her cook for me, but she insisted. After I tasted her food, I put away my pride and gobbled that shit down! It was amazing. She gave me aspirin and ice for my face. I almost didn't recognize my puffy face when I first looked at myself in the mirror. I asked Bella if the gash on top of my left eye would turn into a scar, would she find it sexy and she giggled and rolled her eyes.

She locked the door again, when her mom finally got home. An hour later she came back and informed me that her mom spends all her time in her own room, so I didn't have to worry, but I would have to whisper. I ignored all my calls after Alice called me, because it either was Esme, Emmett or Alice again. Esme left me a voice mail saying she wouldn't call the cops to find me, because I was already in trouble with them and besides they probably wouldn't look for me since I was 18. But she would look for me if I spent another day away. I deleted that message.

Night came and Bella set me up with pillows and a comforter on the floor and a teddy bear. I flipped her off and threw the teddy bear at her and she giggled. I could get use to that sound. It was lovely.

_What the hell Cullen? Since when are things 'lovely', you fag?_

Since Bella laughs. Get the fuck over yourself!

We laid there in silence. I on the floor and she on her bed. I wondered if she was sleepy or if she couldn't sleep because I was here.

"Bella?"

"Hmm" I heard her and I smiled to myself as I lay on the floor.

"You awake?"

"Nah, I'm just talking in my damn sleep Cullen. I'm cool like that."

"You're a fucking smart ass Bella."

"Hmm, you'll live." I chuckled.

"Bella?"

"Edward?" she asked and I chuckled again. This girl…

"Thank you." She didn't answer back. I stared at the ceiling and took a deep breath. "I owe you for three lives to come." She giggled again.

"Only three?"

"Okay, maybe five, but that doesn't sound enough either."

"Don't exaggerate Edward. I did what anybody with a heart and conscious would have done."

"No, you did so much more than that."

"If you insist Edward, I guess I am an angel." She said sarcastically.

"I thought you said that one day in the library that you would have left me where you found me? You lied!" I said in a playful angry tone.

"Um I guess I don't know myself. I can't make up my mind."

"Well I know you."

"You do? Ha!" She said and I sighed in annoyance. "Okay, what do you know about me?"

"Enough to know you wouldn't have left me where you found me." I said and she stayed silent. I wish I could see her face to see what she was thinking. A few minutes passed and I still wasn't asleep.

"Edward?"

"Hmm?"

"Are you awake?"

"No Bella, I just hold full conversations in my sleep."

"Smart ass!" She said and I chuckled. "How's the floor treating you?"

"My ass hurts and my neck is killing me. Besides that I'm good."

"Well you wanted to be the hero. I warned you."

"Yeah you did, get over yourself."

"Um…uh…you…um"

"Spit it out Bella."

"Um you can lay with me…I mean I will be on my end and you can be on your end. You can put all those pillows between us if you want." She babbled and I chuckled.

"Nah, it's your bed. It would be very shitty of me to do that."

"Whatever, just don't say I didn't offer." She said and I tried closing my eyes, but it was working. After a few minutes, my ass, neck and back were begging me to quit being such a prideful douche bag and snuggle with Bella.

_Snuggle? You fag!_

Fuck you, my ass cheeks hurt!

I sat up grabbing my pillow and walked over to her bed. Bella was lying on one of the edges of the bed wrapped in her covers and I smiled to myself and snuck into the bed.

"I guess you're being shitty?" Bella mumbled half asleep with her eyes closed.

"Yep, shitty is my middle name."

"I don't mind." She mumbled again and I didn't answer back. I let her sleep. I lay facing her and in matter of seconds, my nose was filled by her strawberry scent and her warm breath. I swallowed and ignored the warm fuzzy fucking feeling I got when I stared at Bella sleeping. A curl from her hair fell on her face and she wiggled her nose as it probably tickled. I chuckled lightly and removed the strand of hair and gently placed it behind her ear.

I don't know how long I just lay there, staring at her face. It kept me up, but when I finally did fall asleep, it was as if her peace took over me as well. I had never slept so well in my life. Nothing ached or bothered me. It was warm and comfortable.

I woke up as it started to get hot and I realized it was because the freaking sun was shinning on my face.

Fuck, what time is it? I looked around and patted the bed and found no Bella. There was a note on her pillow and I grabbed it.

_Sorry I didn't wake you for school. But you looked too comfortable. I thought you would need another day to recover. Quite frankly Cullen you still look like shit. I doubt you can dazzle the girls with that face._

I chuckled. "Fuck you Bella!" I said to the note.

_I left you some food on the night stand and my mother isn't home. She left early for her book club thing again. I'll be back during lunch. Oh and if you decide to go back home, take your nasty ass clothes._

_Sincerely your smart ass_,

_B_

_P.S You snore like a damn lion!_

I chuckled again. I like playful Bella. She isn't paranoid and actually seems alive.

Sure enough there was food on the night stand. I ate that shit like it was my last meal. Bella seriously needs to look into a career in the culinary arts.

I watched TV most of the morning, wondering if I should go back home and if I do, what the hell do I say or do? Esme would beg me to get some kind of bullshit help while Carlisle would ignore me or kick me out. Bella wouldn't possibly allow me to hide here for the rest of the school year. My best friend, who lately I've lost touch with, Jasper was also not an option. His parents hate me and I hate their daughter Rosalie.

I had nowhere to go.

Now that I was alone with Bella gone, I began to feel that stupid feeling again and the thoughts of having nowhere to go were down right depressing me. I stood up and began looking Bella's different drawings. Now that I wasn't so fucked up, I could appreciate them more. There was a lot to appreciate about Bella's art. She captured so much emotion in people's face. She captured emotion even in animals. Apparently her favorite animal was the wolf. She had drawings of Native Americans running through the woods with a pack of wolves following close behind. She had another one where a Native American man was jumping in mid air and half his body was transforming into a wolf.

"Cool. A shape shifter." I whispered to myself.

I got to her dresser on which her TV rested on. Bella didn't have much crap like Alice did on her dresser. She just had a comb and hair things which I didn't what they were for, but whatever. One of her drawers was slightly opened and peeked in.

_This is really fucked up. It's her shit!_

I know, but I'm curious. Maybe I'll find a vibrator or something. I chuckled to myself. Besides, its not like Bella would have anything horrible or something that would need to be hidden and she'll never know.

I opened the drawer more and stuck my hand in it taking out the first thing I saw. It was a small photo album.

See pictures…its not that bad.

I opened it to the first set of pictures. They were pictures of a woman carrying a baby with brown hair and big brown eyes. I guessed it was Bella as the baby looked just like her. I turned to another page and there was baby Bella again in the arms of a Native American man in a wheel chair. In another page, toddler Bella sat in a puddle of mud with a little Native American boy. I chuckled lightly at the picture. Bella looked cute.

_A cute? Are you kidding? Do James and Charles hit that hard? You turned into fluff!_

I turned to another page. It was an older Bella. She looked much younger than now, but a little fuller in the cheeks. She had her arm wrapped the woman from the earlier picture but this time the woman looked older…more tired. I turned to another picture. It was Bella with a group of Native American kids probably from La Push. She had her arm around some boy with long black hair and that boy had his arm around another Native American girl. They were making funny faces at the camera and I could feel the smile creeping to my lips. Bella had her tongue sticking out and was giving the boy bunny ears. It was strange seeing a carefree Bella. It was almost unthinkable.

I turned the page when a piece of plastic fell out of the book and landed on the floor. I set the photo album down and picked the piece of plastic and when I turned it over, I realized it was a hospital bracelet.

_Name: Isabella Swan-DOB 09/13/1992-White/Caucasian-Female _

_Admission-09/13/2005_

I quickly did the math, Bella was 13.

I looked into her drawer and found a yellow manila folder. I grabbed it.

I shouldn't.

_You shouldn't you asshole! It's not your shit to look through!_

Bella said something about when she was 13. I have to know.

I shouldn't have opened the damn folder.

I should have listened to my inner voice for once.

The folder was full of hospital records and bills.

As I read the notes and diagnoses, I felt my stomach turn.

_Two broken ribs, fractured left cheek bone, punctured lips, fractured skull and fractured nose._

_Heavy blood loss from cracked skull._

It wouldn't have been so bad if I hadn't read the patient's name

_Isabella Swan_

I suddenly felt a cold sweat as I turned the page. I few Polaroid pictures fell into my hands. A badly bruised and bloody female face. Her lips were cut, both her eyes were closed shut from the swelling and both were black and blue. Her face was covered in blood.

Fucking blood.

It was her.

It was Bella.

She was just a kid.

I took one picture in my now shaky hand.

Oh my god Bella. This shit…this shit is wrong.

I felt the tears accumulate in my eyes. I let out a shaky breath.

"What the fuck are you doing with that!" I whipped my eyes to Bella. She was standing at her door. I stopped breathing and my mouth fell open at the look in her eyes.

She was enraged. Her eyes were red and she was breathing heavily.

"Edward, what the fuck are you doing with that? Answer me damn it!" She screamed and I jumped.

"Be…Be…Bella" I managed to whisper. She angrily walked toward me and snatched the folder out of my hands. I didn't even have time to react. I stood their, frozen with my hands still in place as if they were still holding the folder. I just couldn't believe it. That can't be real. It's too fucked up. "Get the fuck out of my room! Get the fuck out of my house!" She yelled and stepped back away from. She froze as she realized I was looking at the pictures.

She held the folder in her shaky hands and tears pored to the pictures with light dripping noises. Her lower lip began to tremble and she started rocking back and forth on her feet. Her eyes stayed glued on the pictures and I didn't know what to do. I'm such a fucking idiot! I ran my fingers through my hair and took a deep breath and sniffed.

"Bella…" I whispered but she didn't answer. "Bella, who did that you? Was it…was it _him_?" I asked and her face crumbled. She dropped the folder causing for all the papers and pictures to scatter all around the floor. Bella began to shake a bit more violently than usual and began gasping for air. "Bella! Are you okay? What's wrong?" I yelled, but she didn't answer me.

Instead, she fell on her knees and her face returned to the blankness I hated. I fell on my knees, ignoring the pain that caused and gently put my hands on her cheeks.

"Bella, talk to me! Bella please come back. Come back! Come back to me Bella!" I said rubbing circles on her cheeks with my thumbs. She let out a loud whimper, her face crumbled and she finally began to cry. I pulled her to my chest and wrapped my arms around her. She buried her face into my chest and let it out.

"Just let out Bella. Let it out." I whispered into her hair and Bella's arms wrapped around my waist.

**

* * *

****Ok, so if you guys don't hate me yet for giving you some fluff and then throwing sudden angst at you, please review. Or if you hate me already, leave me reviews and I promise happiness…one day. Ha ha**

**Ok, so a few days ago I was feeling a bit low because twilighted promises me that they will validate my story and that it might take a while, but its been longer than a while, but then I was brought back to happiness by ****crazyj9girl.**

**GUYS! Please, pretty please check out my profile on here, FF(dot)net, and please check out crazyj9girl's fuck awesome banner for ATTY. It seriously captured the story's feeling and made me cry. Thankfully I was writing this chapter when she sent it to me, serving me as inspiration. Thank you crazyj9girl. I owe you for the next three lives.**

**Ha ha, besides the exaggeration, I plead for reviews as I have no shame.**


	13. On Call

**OMStew I'm so late!**

**I'm sorry! I spent the weekend signing up for college classes for the fall. NOT FUN!**

**Thanks for the lovely reviews. I like hearing what you think. Sorry if I didn't reply to some. But I swear I read your reviews and you made my day…or week or life.**

**Enough blabber, here is Bella. I do warn Bella's trauma and mini flashback is a bit hard to swallow. One of the ways I came up with the plot was after watching Kristen's movie **_**Speak**_** (for the tenth time). It grabbed my heart and made it ache. Before starting this story, I spent some time googling and reading about ****psychological traumas and really friends it's something that gave me chills. So please, if you know anyone that has gone or goes through what Bella does and can't seem to cope with it, advice some help. There is nothing wrong or shameful about searching some help. **

**Thank you.**

_Ch 13/Bella/On Call_

I love random dreams.

Especially if they involve Edward…

My dream consisted of an Edward and his crooked smile and my stupid blushing. I don't remember the rest and I would have spent more time trying to understand my dream, but a loud vibration suddenly slapped me into reality.

At first I didn't open my eyes. I was a bit afraid to realize that it all had really been a dream and that I had not had a "bonding" day with Edward. He had become so easy to talk to and joke around with that it wasn't until now that I realized that it was _Edward! Yes, that Edward._

What the?

Not once did I question Edward's motives or felt paranoid about every time I opened up to him. I wasn't afraid that he would tease me or judge me…and he didn't do any of that. A part of me told me the reason I was so free with him, was because of the way I found him yesterday morning.

I had never seen Edward so vulnerable or battered. A part of me weakened for him when I saw his broken state. It was as if I saw myself in him. Finally, someone else needed _my_ help. I didn't help him for my own selfish assurance that I to could be helpful; shit I didn't even think about that until now. I helped Edward because nobody deserves to be left for dead. He needed me and even though he didn't ask, I was the only who had found him so I had to.

I didn't understand my sudden worry and rush to help and cure Edward. I trembled and gasped out of worry every time he moaned of pain while I drove him to my house. I was desperate and nervous. I sped home not knowing where else to take him. He didn't want to go his home and I wouldn't question him on that and he seemed to hate hospitals.

What if he broke something? I've seen plenty of TV and he might have some internal bleeding or something. What if he is dying? What if…

_Swan he is not dying! The guy is just battered up. A little ice and wound cleaning will do the trick._

Caring for Edward started out incredibly difficult. His face was bloodied up. Some dry blood and then there was some fresh blood and I just couldn't take it. When I first found him, I had pushed my stupid fear of blood behind my mind and the adrenaline to help Edward helped drown that fear, but now as he laid in my bed knocked out and inches away from me…I couldn't breathe as I knew I would smell the awful smell of iron. I trembled and felt sick to my core, but I knew I had to keep my composure as it wouldn't do Edward any good if I passed out. I had to do this.

I had to do this for him.

In his sleep Edward kept repeating the same thing.

"_Wake up…no…wake up…you drowned…stupid…stupid…not sick….drowned...wake up Liz."_

When Edward had woken I had not questioned or reminded him about what he had said. It wasn't my business, but I couldn't help but wonder. Edward's voice was full of angst and worry. It had to be something serious. Maybe if he felt comfortable with me, he could tell me. But I won't push him.

Who is Liz?

After spending the day with Edward, I realized how easy it was to talk to him. We talked about random things…a lot of things and our old awkward silence didn't show its face anymore. For the first time since I had known him, I couldn't bring myself to remember all the negative things I believed of him. When he was alone with me, it seemed he relaxed and stopped pretending to be that brooding jerk he was at school.

I like this Edward.

I finally opened my eyes and I was going to turn to see if Edward was still asleep or even here, but I didn't have to. I felt an arm around my waist and his face buried in the back of my neck. His warm breaths did things to my skin and I could feel my stupid blush. I gently tried to pull away from him, but he only tightened his hold on me.

"No…" he mumbled and I giggled. I tried to pull away again and gently moved his arm off me and he cursed…in his sleep. "Fine…fuck off." He turned away and I giggled again. I sat up and turned to see him, maybe he was awake and I was being an idiot. But to my surprise, Edward was asleep. His mouth was slightly opened and lightly snored. Even with a bruised face, Edward was beautiful. He looked younger asleep and harmless. I sat up a bit more, sitting next to him. I was watching him sleep and enjoying it. I'm a freak.

His light chest movements made my eyes wander down from his face to his chest. Then, from his chest I could see that his…well my shirt… was rolled up a bit from the bottom and I could see his belly button and the light patch of hair. I quickly lost my breath and felt the heat in my face. I jolted off the bed.

I'm such a silly girl.

I'm a fucking idiot, really.

Yesterday, I had seen him without a shirt and drooled a little. I think he caught me and I swear I wanted to disappear. But Edward is such a beautiful creature. The way his chest is sculpted and lightly covered in hair. The way he chuckles and he crosses his arms when he sits next to me and the way the light stubble covers his perfect jaw and…

_Swan!_

Right…

I got ready for school as quietly as possible. Though Edward was gone in slumber-world, I still got dressed in my bathroom feeling self conscious. I ran downstairs after locking the door behind me and headed to the kitchen and found my mother making breakfast.

This was odd…oh my god! Is Father here? I looked out one of the windows and there were no signs of Father's cruiser. I sighed in relief and turned to my mother who was staring at me in confusion.

"Well good morning Bella. What has you all paranoid today?" She asked and returned her attention to her eggs.

Paranoid? Me? Ha mother, I thought that was already part of my description.

"Nothing," I said walking to her side "I just…um I thought I heard something." I said and she turned her eggs off.

"It's funny that you mention it Bells, last night I thought I heard something too." She said and I almost gasped to give my foolish self away.

"Wha-what did you hear?"

"I don't know…I thought it sounded like a man's voice, but I guess I'm just hearing things. Did you he…"

"No!" I cut her off and she jumped. I shook my head and avoided looking at her in the face. I knew my traitorous eyes would give me away. I didn't know how I would explain.

_Uh Mom, I've been hiding a boy in my room and he's slept in my bed. I've also managed to drool and fluster over how great his chest looks…_

Right, that doesn't sound appropriate.

"Okay…" Mom said and made herself and me a plate. I swallowed my food and though I was full, I pretended I was still hungry.

"Um, I'm gonna make an omelet." I said taking out some eggs and other ingredients. Mom placed her dishes in the sink and sighed.

"Well you hungry, hungry hippo, I'm going to go get ready now." She said as she washed her hands.

"Okay, I'm going to ignore that you just called me a hippo and ask. Where are you going?" She giggled lightly and turned to face me. I swear I've never seen so much light in my mother's eyes or blush.

Blush!

"My book club meeting is today."

"Again?"

"Yep, Phil is taking us to Port Angeles for lunch and to their book store. Isn't he great?" I should feel excited for my mother's enthusiasm, but something about this Phil guy just bugs the hell out of me.

"Um yeah…he sounds alright." I said and she started walking towards her room. "Mom"

"Yes baby." She stopped walking.

"When you say "us", how many of you are there?"

"Um….well…uh um there are four of us girls and then there is Phil and his assistant Boyd."

"Oh…okay."

"Why baby?"

"No reason. I was just wondering."

"Okay baby, I have to get ready now. I'll probably be gone all day. If you come back and I'm not here, there are still some leftovers from last night. If I don't catch you when I leave, I love you!" She said and blew me a kiss and ran to her room. I ignored my worry about Phil, thinking I was just over reacting and headed back to the kitchen.

I finished Edward's omelet placing it on a plate and grabbed some orange juice from the fridge and headed to my room. Edward was still asleep, wrapped in my covers and I couldn't help but smile at how comfortable he looked. I left him the food and wrote him a note, letting him know I would be back to check on him during lunch and grabbed my stuff and left for school.

I would have stayed with him, but I really didn't want to fall back in school again. It was a pain in the ass to get caught up. If I was going to get mom and myself out of that hell hole we called home, I had to get on the ball.

As I drove to school, I couldn't help but rerun the things I talked about with Edward and just the looks he would give me. I grinned like an idiot. He was an idiot. He was always making smart comments and bickering about everything he didn't agree with. He was driving me mad. But I couldn't help but like it.

I felt some damn emotion other than fear with him. It was either annoyance or comedic annoyance, but I wasn't scared. My body didn't shake to the point of hurting and I didn't feel like my heart was going to explode because it was beating so fast. I didn't hurt. I didn't hurt with Edward.

But I questioned it.

I hate that I question everything.

I still my walls up.

I cannot fall for Edward Cullen. He is known to be a liar. He can't be trusted.

I made my way to my first classes and it was driving me mad. I wanted to check on Edward, but I knew if I called my house he wouldn't answer. That would be stupid of him. The school was full of gossip about him.

Some said he got in a fight with some guy from Port Angeles.

Others said he was jumped by some gang.

Some still thought he was in jail and that he was going to be there for days.

Some said he deserved it for being such a prick. I don't know why those comments pissed me off. Who the hell did they think they were to talk about him like that?

As I made my way to bio, the class before lunch, I passed by Alice Cullen's locker. I hated that I did. I had never seen Alice looks so devastated. She has dark circles under her eyes and blotchy cheeks. She had tissues in one of her hands and once in a while wiped away her tears while holding Jasper's hand.

"I'm just so worried for him Jas." She said and sobbed. I pretended to look at a flyer that was hanging on the wall so I could listen.

"I mean I heard what dad told him the other night and even though it wasn't that bad, it wasn't what a boy like Edward needs. I wanted to go to him and tell him that dad was just pissed and that things would be better, but that would only piss Edward off even more. God knows where he is now! I wish I knew." She sobbed and Jasper took her into his arms and kissed her forehead.

"Its okay baby, knowing Edward, he's probably out having a good time or hanging with some friends." What the hell does he know?

"But with who? Doesn't he know how worried we are? Esme has been calling everyone and hasn't talked to Carlisle since yesterday. I just wish he would let us know who he is with so we could stop worrying. I don't want him to fall back into that dark hole he was in years ago…or months ago. That shit didn't do him any good."

"I know baby, I know." Jasper whispered lightly patting her small back as he held her.

"I just wish Edward would let someone help him." She cried and I turned to look at her. She looked so broken and concerned. It broke my heart and it took all my will power to not go over to her and tell her that he wasn't in any "black hole" and that he was with me. Though my house was hell, Satan was not home, so Edward was safe. But Edward doesn't want anybody to know where he is. He trusts me not to tell anybody.

_He does trust you Swan and needs help. Can you help him Swan?_

I don't know. I can't even help myself, let alone another person. I don't even know what he needs saving from.

_Does it matter?_

No.

Alice opened her eyes and caught me staring at her. She furrowed her eyebrows and picked her head up away from her boyfriend and I had to get away.

I walked off before she could see it in my face.

All during bio I squirmed in my seat as I stared at the damn clock. I had never been so anxious for damn lunch. The bell rang and for the first time, I beat everyone out of the classroom and headed to my truck.

As I sped to my house, I wondered if he would still be there today. Will he still be nice to me or will he go back to ignoring me or acting like an ass? I wanted to slap myself. I'm fucking pathetic. I don't know why I'm so worried for Edward's reactions. _If he does act like a douche today, just throw him out and never speak to him again. _Once was enough, twice is just a bitch slap to my face. I've already been slapped too many times in my life.

I parked my truck in front of my house and almost ran to my room. Before I walked in, I had to compose myself so I wouldn't make a fool of myself. Not only was I all jittery, but I was…excited? I was fucking excited? I took a deep breath and swallowed my excitement and shook my stupidity away.

I slowly and gently pushed open my bedroom door hoping to find Edward still in my room. I wonder if he's hungry or thirsty. Maybe he was bored.

As I opened the door, my eyes quickly searched for him and when they did found him, my heart sank. I lost my breath.

I lost everything.

_No…no…no…no…no…no!_

How could he? I trusted him. Why would he betray me like this?

There here was, standing in front of my dresser with…with that fucking yellow manila folder. He knew now. He knew what nobody knows. He knows what I've hidden for so long. He knows…he knows…he knows…he's going to think that I'm a freak now. He's gonna see that I'm ruined. I'm ruined.

_No...no…god no!_

I could feel the anger boiling in my blood and the despair shadowing my senses. How dare he find that shit? It's my shit! My fucked up past. Why the fuck? Why? Edward had yet to notice me. His hands were shaking as they held the folder and his face was crumbled up.

_I can't take it._

_He's feeling bad for me. I don't want it._

_I hate him. I hate him. I hate him._

"What the fuck are doing with that?" I yelled so loud that I didn't recognize my own voice. I didn't recognize myself anymore.

This is not me. This is my coward side angered that he has found what he has found.

I was breathing so hard and I could feel the heat of my anger in my chest and the panic in my bones. He wasn't answering me. _Fuck him…fuck him…fuck him…shit_.

"Edward, what the fuck are you doing with that? Answer me damn it!" I yelled again and Edward jumped.

_What the fuck is wrong with me? _

_What's wrong with me?_

"Be…Be…Bella" he mumbled and it made my anger burn even worse. It wasn't his fault. I know. But _she_ doesn't know it. Coward Bella doesn't give a shit. I angrily walked toward him and with all the force I had, snatched the manila folder from his hands.

"Get the fuck out of my room! Get the fuck out of my house!" I want him to go away.

_Go away…go away…go away…just leave me alone. Leave me alone…alone…_

Edward didn't move. His eyes were glassy red and his breaths were shaky.

I looked down at what he was looking at.

_Oh my god. No!_

_It's me._

_No its not me! It's a pathetic piece of shit. _

_It's you Swan! You're the pathetic piece of shit._

The images of my bloodied and almost dead self took me back to that day. They took me back to that moment. I could hear _Him_ know. I could hear her as well.

~_ "You're a fucking whore, you bitch. Just like you mother. You fucking whore.!" _

_She was crying in the back while he did it._

_She didn't stop him or say anything. I cried to her. I begged her. She didn't move._

"_You deserve this. You deserve this. You deserve this. You deserve this. Just keep telling yourself this you little bitch and it'll hurt less." He spat. I could smell the beer in his breath and feel his saliva in my face. He didn't stop. I wanted him to. I begged him to stop until my mouth could no longer move and I started choking on my own blood. _

_As he punched and kicked me into the darkness, I could still hear him. I could hear him in the excruciating darkness and prayed to god for him just to take me already. But he didn't…and I could still hear HIM._

"_You deserve this you little bitch. You deserve this!" he spat and his fist found my face…yet again._

_I deserve it. I deserved it. I deserved it. I deserved it._

I hate getting lost. I sometimes feel like I'm never coming back.

_I want to come back. I do. I do. I really do._

"Bella…" I heard his beautiful voice. It sounded far away. I wanted to reach for him and return. I wanted to come back. "Bella, who did that you? Was it…was it _him_?" If he only knew. I felt my fingers weaken and I let go of the folder. I couldn't breathe. I suddenly felt like I was drowning and my lungs ached for air. "Bella! Are you okay? What's wrong?"

_Please Edward…_

I felt a sharp pain. I realized I had dropped to my knees, but I couldn't bring myself back. I suddenly felt his hands on my face.

"Bella, talk to me! Bella please come back. Come back! Come back to me Bella!" His breath hit my face and his beautiful smell and I wanted to. I wanted to come back. He rubbed my cheeks with his thumbs.

_Why? Why did it have to happen to me? It's not fair! I'm so scared. It's not fair!_

My mind was tired of holding it in and I let out a loud whimper.

I started to cry and I hated myself for it. I don't want to cry. I don't.

_Don't let me cry…don't._

I suddenly felt Edward's hands pull me towards him and if I hadn't been so out of it I would have flinched or jumped at his contact, but I was already too far gone. He pulled me into his chest and wrapped his arms around me. It was so warm and soft in his hold. I snuggled into his chest and finally let my pain out.

"Just let out Bella. Let it out." He whispered into my hair and in that moment I had never felt so safe. I wrapped my arms around him, hoping he didn't mind and did what he asked.

I let it out.

I sobbed into his chest and knotted his shirt in my hand while he rubbed circles on my back with his hands.

"It'll be alright Bella." He whispered again and he started to rock me in his arms.

_No, My Edward. Its not._

I don't know how long I stayed in Edward's arms, but what I did know is that I had no intentions of letting him go. It was selfish of me, because he was probably in pain, but I had never felt so comfortable in my life. His warm chest and the beating of his heart served as comfort and reassurance that what he was saying was right.

It would be alright and I desperately wanted to believe him. I ached for it to be true. I would do anything.

His warm breath on my forehead caused me to sigh. I could feel tightness in my chest and not knowing what that was I decided to ignore it.

I don't know how it happened, but Edward was now sitting on the floor with me in his lap. He kept rocking me and humming a low and sweet melody. I tried to free some of my weight off him, but just when I barely moved, he tightened his hold on me and I could feel the tightness.

I was back.

I opened my eyes and looked up at him. He had his eyes closed and a simple line on his lips. He looked so peaceful. His bruises were getting better and his cuts were fully closed now. I gently raised my hand and warmly and softly ran my finger tips across his jaw, up to the darkness of his eyes. He slowly opened his eyes and looked down at me and for a moment we just stared into other's eyes. His were still a little red and I had no idea how I looked.

I just had another breakdown and I doubt I looked attractive. I suddenly felt wave of embarrassment crash into me. He had just witnessed my damn breakdown and seen those awful pictures. I could feel my skin turning a heated red and I closed my eyes and looked away from him. I buried my face into his chest again and he gently patted my back.

"Don't be embarrassed Bella. Don't ever be embarrassed with me." He whispered, but I couldn't look at him. "Do you feel better?" he asked and I nodded, still not looking at him. "Bella look at me." I sighed into his chest and slowly opened my eyes. "Still not looking at me." I sighed in annoyance and looked at him. He was wearing one of his stupid dazzling smiles.

"I feel better…thank you."

"Do you need anything."

"No…I'm sorry…"

"Don't start with that. I should be sorry."

"You don't start with that either." I said and he smiled again.

"Okay I promise if you promise."

"I promise."

"Ok." He sighed and swallowed and cleared his throat. "Do you want to lie down or something?" He asked and I nodded. He helped me up and he grunted as he was in pain and I looked at him in guilt. "You promised!" he said giving me a threatening smile and I tried my best to not smile back.

I lay down on my bed as all of the sudden I felt so exhausted. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, smelling Edward on my pillow. I smiled to myself. I heard him close the door and just a few seconds later, he crawled into my bed.

I opened my eyes and found him with his head on my other pillow with shiny green eyes, staring at me in worry.

"I'm alright Cullen. I swear." I mumbled closing my eyes.

"You sure?" Why can't he let it go?

"Yes, I'm just ruined. I've already told you this."

"How many times do I have to tell you Bella?"

"You're so sure of this Edward, I might believe you. But clearly you didn't just witness what just happened."

"Fuck that shit!" He spat and I opened my eyes to find him glaring at me. "You're only ruined if you let them ruin you. Right now, you're just bruised a little. Remember what you said about bruises? They fucking go away." He whispered back and I buried my face into my pillow trying to avoid his eyes. I suddenly felt his hand on top of mine. "Please tell me you won't let them! Don't let them ruin you!" his voice was low but angry and I held in another stupid sob.

"I...I don't know. Just let me think about it."

"Think about what?"

"I don't know! Just drop it." I sighed into my pillow.

"Well…do you wanna talk about it? I mean I won't pressure you to tell me…what happened." I raised my head up from my pillow and looked at him. Was he serious? I shook me head and laid it back into the pillow while staring at a random part of his chest.

"Give me some time. I'm not ready. Not yet." I whispered and he laid his head down facing me.

"Alright. Just know, if…if you finally wanna tell someone…I'll be here." He whispered back and gently started rubbing my upper arm. I could feel the silly goose bumps in my skin. "I'll be here." He repeated.

"Thank you…" I managed to say in a broken whisper.

"Have you told anybody else?" I wasn't sure why he was persisting so much, but I didn't mind. It felt nice having someone that showed worry.

"No"

"Why…I mean…" He sighed in frustration as he stopped himself. "When you're ready, right?"

"Yes" I simply said and he shook his head.

"Alright…I'll wait." He turned and faced the ceiling moving his hand away from mine. I ignored my disappointment that he did so. "I'm sorry I was being nosy and looking through your shit. That wasn't right."

"It's fine. I got over it already." I said and he chuckled darkly.

We laid there for a long time. He drew circles in my hand with his index finger and once in a while, he would look at me and played with my hair. I let him. Somehow this felt right. This felt natural. It felt like we've known each other for years. Yet, I couldn't bring myself to tell him the truth. I couldn't tell him what had happened to me. I was too ashamed.

All these years, I've kept what happened to me that damn night to myself. At first it hurt like hell to do it. The one person everyone thinks they can go to for whatever, wasn't there for me: my mother.

She had been there and apart from Him she was the only one who knew.

She had seen it.

She had done nothing about it.

I walked with the memory of it for years. The memory of it weighed on my shoulders and fear ruled my life. It still rules my life, but now I've started to give up and with giving up, comes sweet melancholy. It's peaceful. I'm tired of fighting. All I want is peace.

But then there's Edward.

Edward is always glaring at me if I put myself down and trying to make me feel better with his sweet words. Why he does it I will never know. I just know that I have blindly decided to trust him with this. Why not? I have nothing else.

Nothing.

I was finally calm and my breathing was slow again.

"You still want me to get the fuck out?" he asked ruining the sweet silence and turned to face me again. I stared into his green eyes and took a deep breath.

"No." I answered hoping to god he didn't see my raw honesty and he smiled.

"I won't." he said and took my hand in his again and gave it a light squeeze. He intertwined our fingers and his warm hand sent a wave of heat down my arm and up to my face. I sighed.

What are you doing to me Edward?

"But you can't." I said and his smile disappeared.

"You're kicking me out?" he looked worried and shocked.

"No! Now don't let this go to your head, but if it were up to me, you could stay here as long you want, but your family is worried." He shook his head. "You need to believe me."

"They don't want me around."

"I heard your sister today. They are worried Edward."

"Bella, that's just Alice. She over exaggerates things."

"I think you're full of shit and I think you know it." I said and his eyes widened in shock. I raised one of my eyebrows and he cracked a smile. "Besides the fact that you don't have any clothes here and I can't possibly hide you from my parents forever, your sister loves you Edward. Though you refuse to see it, she does."

"Don't lecture me Bella."

"I'm not, I'm just telling you how it I see it. At least show your family you're alright."

"_Then_ can I come back here?" he asked and at first I thought he was joking, but his face was serious and he waited for my answer. Oh shit.

_Say something Swan!_

"I uh um…" Why? "If you want." I said and he smiled sadly.

"If you want me to fuck off Bella, just say it." He said and let go of my hand and crossed his arms across his chest.

"You're such a damn baby Edward. Do you want me to beg you?" I said and he didn't answer or look at me. I grabbed his hand. "Yes, I want you to come back, only you want to. You're welcomed!" I said squeezing his hand and I could tell he was fighting a smile.

"And you'll tell me what happened?" I sighed in annoyance. "Alright!" he said giving up. He began stroking my arm again and I hoped to god he couldn't see my chills. "Do you do that a lot?"

"Do what?" I was afraid he had caught the affect he had on my skin and I could feel my blush. Fucking traitorous body!

"Go away like that. Does it happen a lot?" he asked with no trace of fakeness or malice. His question was honest. He seemed legitimately interested. I felt the screen of embarrassment taking over my mind again. I'm ruined and he keeps insisting otherwise. I'm sure after I explain he won't try to convince me again that I'm not ruined.

"Only when I see things that remind me of what happen or things that scare me or threaten me. It's my mind's way of running away. I'm a fucking coward."

"Quit telling yourself shit like that." He sighed in annoyance. He ran his fingers through his mess of hair. He composed himself. "So…where do you go?" I had to look away. I wouldn't be able see him in the face after my confession.

"I don't know. It's scary." I could feel his stare on my face as I spoke with a broken voice. "Sometimes, I feel my mind shut off. I stare at a random thing for one minute and I don't come back. I can only hear things, but I have no control over my body. It's like I leave my body while that shit happens. Sometimes I don't see anything at all. I can't ever remember. But then there are times where I can remember… I go back to my 13th birthday." I confessed and closed my eyes.

"Have you tried getting…you know I'm not calling you crazy…but you know…a shrink?"

"No. Although in middle school…a few months after _IT_ happened…the school consular tried getting me to see a real shrink after Rosalie and Tanya started pushing me around after I accidently bumped into one of them. It was the first time I started "going away". I scared them because I started rocking back and forth. I swear I don't remember doing that, but the school shrink said I did. I guess I did, because since then they would call me _freak_. The consular tried getting me to talk like you are trying now. He said something had to "trigger" my behavior when found under a lot of pressure or verbal or mild physical abuse. He wanted to know the source of my "triggers". I told him he could suck it and I stormed off. He didn't bother me again. Did he really think I would tell him? Fucking idiot." I mumbled and looked up at Edward.

I had never seen Edward so…devastated. He looked like he had just been found guilty of something. He looked like someone just ran over his damn dog. I had to look away.

"Why didn't he keep trying?" He whispered angrily and I shrugged. "Didn't he have some kind of record of what happened to you?"

"Aw Edward, that's part of what I can't tell you." I said darkly. "Besides, the same school shrink moved to Seattle a month later and I never saw him again. I hated him. He was the first one to point it out. He was the first to point out my defects. He pointed it out…he made me see that I was ruined. I hated him for that. I hated him and I will always hate him. I'm fucked up, but why did he have to point it out though?" I could feel the lump on my throat. I was angry by just remembering it.

"Bella! If you say that…"

"Edward, it's the truth. I was scared of myself! That's not right! It's so damn heavy. This load I carry is too heavy Edward!" I said loudly and Edward shook his head. We returned to silence again and his hand started stroking my arm again. I sniffed as I fought my tears full of anger. I hate crying. It just shows that I'm weak.

"It would be less heavy if you tell someone…anyone." He said and moved a strand of my hair behind my ear.

I like it when he does that.

"I promise…one day."

"I know. But it has to be soon."

"I promise…if you promise."

"What? What do I have to promise?"

"You'll tell me who Liz is." I said and he quickly moved his hand away from me and sat up.

"How the hell do you know about that?" he said angrily. I shouldn't have said anything.

"I heard you in your sleep." I said and he stood up and started pacing back and forth by my bed. "I'm sorry Edward…I shouldn't…"

"No, I mean…you didn't…uh!" he said running his hands through his hair again and huffing while he did.

"I'm sorry. I promise you for something else. I shouldn't be nosy." I said and he stopped pacing and sat by me again. "Promise me you'll go home. Let your mom see you." I said and he shook his head and sighed in annoyance.

"You insist on that shit!"

"Yes."

"Fine!" he said standing up. "But I'm coming back, Bella."

"I know."

"Yeah? Well…good. You really want me to go?" he asked looking doubtful and I smiled at him.

"Not really." I confessed and I looked away again. I couldn't see his reaction.

"Okay. That's makes me feel better." He said chuckling. "Where are my jeans?" he asked and I pointed to my bathroom.

"They're in a plastic bag. But I threw away your shirt." I said and without another word he walked into my bathroom and after a few minutes he walked out.

I jumped off my bed and stumbled on my feet.

Holy shit!

"Edward, why aren't you wearing a shirt?" I yelled and he gave that damn smile…

_You love it Swan!_

"That wasn't my shirt I was wearing."

"Wha-what? That _was_ your shirt!" I said trying to pry my eyes away from his beautiful chest, his perfectly sculpted abs and that…

"Bella?"

And that trail of chest hair…

"Bella?" he yelled with a chuckle in his voice.

"What?" I asked annoyed…well a little caught and embarrassed. I knew he would be able to see my blushed cheeks…I could feel the damn things. I snatched my eyes off his chest and looked down. "Um what…you should dress in something. It's cold out there!" I said and chuckled again and slapped his chest like Tarzan causing me took look his way. He gave me a crooked smile as he caught me again.

Jerk

"Oh Bella, don't worry and it's not cold. It's just a little humid and wet, nothing new in Forks. You should go back to school." He said heading towards my balcony door.

"I'm already late."

"So?"

"So…I guess you should run off now so I can go to school." He really just needed to take shirtless self away from my eye sight.

"That hurts, but you promised Bella."

"What?"

"That I can come back."

"Oh. Well duh! Get out of here already!" I said as I caught his bare chest again. I could feel the nervousness starting to creep in. He opened my balcony door and as he stepped out the balcony my heart started to pound against my chest. "Wait!" I said and Edward quickly turned to face me.

"What?" he asked with confusion.

"Are you sure you can climb the tree? Why don't you just walk out the door? Nobody is here." I said and he smiled. I had to look away yet again from that wicked smile of his.

"You're a genius Bella." He came back into my room and the fuzzy, silly feeling came back into the room.

He slowly made his way down the stairs of my house, holding onto his the wall and letting out small grunting noises.

He still must be in pain.

I walked in front of him and opened my door and walked out, making sure there weren't any nosy neighbors around. After making sure the coast was clear, I turned back to walk into the house, when Edward stepped in front of me causing me to bump into his chest.

Oh my god.

"I…I…I…I'm sorry…" I mumbled staring at his chest.

_Get it together Swan!_

"Don't be." He whispered causing my eyes to wander up to his face. He smirked and winked at me.

"Ugh!" I huffed and moved out of his way. He chuckled and started walking. "Hey, wait!"

"Bella, what the hell? You kick me out but you won't let me go?"

"I haven't kicked you out!" I defended myself. "Um would like a ride?" His smile fell and looked away.

"Nah, its okay Bella. I already owe you too much."

"But you can hardly walk!"

"I can walk just fine! Besides, you have to get back to school. Quit helping me."

"Fine!" I huffed.

"Fine!" he huffed back and started walking away.

"I didn't kick you out!" I yelled again and he turned to face me with a grin on his face. He winked at me and returned his back to me.

"Laterzzz jingle _bells_." He said waving his hand in the air. I gawked at his nickname for me.

I watched as the muscles on his pale back moved with each of his movements until he disappeared into the woods.

_Swan, what the hell are you still doing outside your door? Edward's beautiful shaped back is gone. Get you ass to school!_

I hate my inner voice.

I was twenty minutes late to my art class. I hated being late to art. I wouldn't mind being late to math, but art…I felt like a traitor. Mr. Freeman decided that it was time he did something about my tardiness and handed me a written warning which I would use as sketch paper on later. He would be impressed.

After a few minutes in class, I finally noticed Alice Cullen was staring at me. She didn't even bother to hide her sudden curiosity with me. I tried avoiding her eyes, but she looked terrible which set my curiosity on. She had dark circled under her pretty eyes which were now red and her cheeks were tear stained.

Damn that Edward. He's lucky and he doesn't even know it. His sister clearly loves him.

Angela wasn't at school today, so I guessed Alice was just bored and found me amusing to stare at. I sighed loudly, trying to let her know that I didn't appreciate her staring but she didn't budge. I felt like a damn lab rat. She was studying my every move. I wasn't looking at her, but I could tell she was starting at me. I could feel it and I couldn't concentrate.

The bell rang and I sighed in relief. I put my glasses on and grabbed my stuff and as I headed towards the door I heard my name in a small voice.

"Bella." I knew something was up. Does she know? Does she hate me for hiding her brother? What the hell does she want?

I stopped and slowly faced her. She gave me a soft smile as she walked toward me. "Bella, can I just tell you something?" She said and I nodded. "I know…we have never talked and you don't know me and I don't know you. But I feel like I should tell you something or warn you." She took a deep breath and shook her head. "Don't trust anybody. I know you have walls high up all the time. Don't let those walls crumble. For your own good, don't! Please…promise me that. Promise you won't trust anything, no matter how good it seems." She said and furrowed her eyes in seriousness. I had no idea what the hell she was talking about, but I didn't plan to let any walls crumble.

"I don't understand."

"I know, but you'll know when you see it or…_feel_ it. Just remember my words. Please…" She said and gently took my hand, giving it a light squeeze. "Please Bella." She said a little pushier this time. "Promise me you'll have your guard up and never let it down."

"Okay…sure." I nodded trying to make her go away and she gave me another soft smile and let my hand go.

"Thank you Bella." She said softly and slowly walked away. What the hell was that about?

Edward didn't come back.

I sort of knew this would happen. I mean he's been away from home for a long time. He probably is stuck at his house. Maybe he wants to sleep in his own bed. Maybe he's just tired. Maybe he's in trouble. Maybe…

_Swan, shut up. He didn't come back, why would he?_

I sighed and hugging one of my pillows.

_Hmm, it smells like him._

I hugged the pillow tighter and smiled to myself, but something was missing.

I tossed and turned and huffed.

I can't sleep.

I jumped off my bed and walked into my bathroom to wash my face. As I walked into my bathroom, I spotted Edward's Radiohead t-shirt by my sink. He had folded it neatly and I couldn't help but smile to myself. I grabbed it and I was about to throw it in the hamper when my fingers ran over the fabric. I slowly put to my face and sniffed it.

God it smells like him too.

_Swan, what the fuck? This is just plain weird and sick. You've lost it!_

Fuck you inner voice. It smells wonderful.

I took the t-shirt and shoved into my closet. It didn't need washing and…and…um I uh…

_You're pathetic. You do realize that you're trying to give yourself excuses to not wash that nasty thing so you can sniff it later?_

I ignored my inner voice and fell back into my bed. I hugged my pillow again and sighed in contentment and fell asleep. Edward's t-shirt was calling me, thus interrupting my sleep. Who knew?

The next morning I woke up in an excellent mood. Though I hardly got any sleep, last night was peaceful and everything just got better in the morning. Mom said Father had called and said he would stay in Seattle under week. He had some training crap I didn't care about. All I knew is that he wouldn't be home and that was good enough for me.

I showered and didn't bother to do anything to my hair. I grabbed my green sweater and headed to school.

I wondered if Edward would be at school today.

Things were changing.

I tried my best to deny it.

Why is he acting like we're…like we're friends? He'll probably go back to normal any day now. I should get ready for it so I won't feel so disappointed like last time. I mean, its not like I expect Edward to come out and offer his friendship to me, though how the last few days have been going, it only seems fit that we were. It made sense, but I'm still Bella the freak and he is still The Edward Cullen. That made no sense. But I thought I had seen a different Edward. The nice Edward. I know he exists. He hides the real Edward, behind his loner and jerk mask in public and masked Edward would probably show up to school today. I sighed as I got to school. I had put myself in a low mood.

The first classes couldn't go by any faster. The gossip around school was that Edward was out of jail and back with a bruised face.

Some of the girls said he looked "sexy" with his bruised face. I just wanted to see if he was getting better.

_Why do you care so much_ Swan?

It was finally lunch period. I knew I would see him during lunch so I hurried to my locker leaving my books and just taking my sketch book and walked into the lunch room.

I was right.

It made me excited to see him.

What the hell?

Edward sat by himself at the usual table. He looked down at the table with his face in his hands. His worn out journal lay in front of him with a pen sticking out from middle of it. He was wearing a wrinkled white t-shirt and some black jeans and looked like a complete and beautiful mess. I looked around.

There were hardly any people in the lunch room and his friends weren't here.

It won't take long. I'll just ask him how he is and walk away before anybody sees. I don't want him embarrassed. It won't take long.

_Are you fucking serious Swan? Have you already forgotten how he acted last time you went up to him? The dude doesn't want to be seen with you. Can you blame him? _

I ignored my inner voice yet again and pushed my glasses up my nose and took slow steps toward him. My heart sped up with every step and I suddenly couldn't breathe.

_Turn back Swan, before you get us in deep shit!_

I took another step and the pressure was getting to me. I had to turn back. As I had changed my mind, I started to pull back when Edward suddenly looked toward me.

His eyes wandered around until he spotted me. His eyes stayed on me and I swear I hadn't taken a breath. He gave me a wide grin and awkwardly waved at me trying to be funny. I shyly smiled back and he chuckled. I blushed and quickly looked for my feet.

I suddenly felt someone bump into me. I gasped as I felt my body shake and she laughed.

"Get the fuck out of the way Virgin Mary." Rosalie said as she and Tanya passed me. They giggled their way to their seats. Alice and Jasper passed me as well and sat by Edward who now looked pissed. Alice smiled at me and patted Edward on his arm while he looked furious. He turned and looked at Rosalie and he was about to say something to her when I quickly turned around and walked away.

He's probably mad at me.

I shouldn't have gone to him. I mean I didn't even get to him, but I was close…

I lost my appetite and headed to the back building and walked into the woods. I leaned against my tree as I sat down and began to sketch.

_This is where you belong Swan. By yourself. Take a look around. Nobody is here to push you or call you names. Edward won't look at you like he's embarrassed. You get that stupid disappointed feeling out of you right now! You're back to safety. You should be happy._

I just thought…ugh I'm so stupid. I took my glasses off and shoved them into my pocket.

I angrily stabbed my sketch book with my pencil and began making ugly doodles.

"Now Bella, we both know that isn't your best work. I'm not impressed." I whipped my head up to see Edward leaning against _my _tree with a smile on his face. I didn't smile back as I didn't know what the hell he was doing here or how to react. His smile disappeared as he realized it and tensed his jaw. He slid his down the tree and sat by me. He groaned as it probably hurt, but he tried to act cool about it. He scooted himself closer to me to the point where our knees and shoulders were touching. I pretended that it didn't affect me and returned to my "ugly" master piece.

It affected me a lot.

"Look, Rosalie is a bitch." He started. "She shouldn't have…I mean…ugh I just." I couldn't believe it; he was trying to apologize for his friend.

"It's okay Edward. You don't have to say anything."

"But I do."

"No, you don't."

"Why are you so stubborn?" I smiled.

"I get it from my mother." I said and kept doodling and he chuckled. Suddenly all my doubts and anger melted away. His chuckle had powers and he didn't even know it. He said nothing again as I kept doodling. I realized I had actually started creating something pretty cool and continued.

"You don't mind that I'm here? Stalking you while you draw."

"Is it interesting?"

"Your face is. You look concentrated. It's amusing." I could hear the smile in his voice.

"Well I'm glad I amuse you."

"You do Bella, you do." I turned to face him to say something smart, but the way he was looking at me made me freeze. His face was clear of any amusement and anger. His eyes didn't move and it seemed like he wasn't breathing. His green eyes started to burn through me and I suddenly felt self conscious and nervous.

"What?" I whispered, but he didn't move. His eyes stayed on me. "What Edward?" he shook his head.

"Did you do something to your face?" he sounded serious and his lack of humor confused me. What the hell? Is Edward bipolar?

"No, is there something on my face?" I asked and he shook his head.

"Are you wearing make-up?"

"No."

"Yes you are!"

"No I am NOT! I would think that I would know if I had make-up on my face!" I yelled. Who the hell? "I never wear that stuff. I don't even own any."

"Well why in the blue hell do you look so different?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about!"

"Well… me neither!" he huffed and looked away. I sighed in annoyance and continued sketching.

Edward is confusing.

"Do you mind if I sit here and write?" he asked and I looked at him.

"You would write next to me?"

"Why not?"

"I don't know. I thought writers prefer to be alone when they write. I know I like to be myself when I draw."

"So you want me to leave?"

"NO! Geez!" I yelled and I could feel the heat of frustration in my neck. He chuckled and I playfully pushed his shoulder.

"You're such an ass!"

"I know." He was laughing now. "I told you I like to piss you off."

"I know and you've succeeded."

"I'm proud." He said. "But, yeah I like to be alone, but um…I mean its not like you are nosy or some shit. So can I? Can I stay?" He asked. He almost sounded like he was begging.

"I guess. Just don't get in my elbow space." I said gently nudging him with my elbow and he laughed.

We both sat in silence with only the noise of our pencils and pens. I turned to look at him after a while.

There is nothing more beautiful than a concentrated Edward. The way he furrowed his eyebrows and his lips pouted.

"Are you going to let me read some day?" I asked and he smiled while still writing.

"I don't want you to piss your pants Bella. You'll get scared. It's brutal."

"Oh whatever. I can take it. You've seen my shit…my pictures and I don't mean my drawings." I said and he suddenly stopped writing and looked at me.

"Don't go there Bella, unless _you're ready_." He said and returned to his writing and sighed. "I can't stop thinking about it. I've thought about it all day."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't!" he shook his head. "You have to tell me. Or at least tell me someone knows about it."

"No."

"Why?"

"Just drop it Edward."

"No, you have to trust me."

"Why should I?"

"Because _I_ trust you!" he said and it seemed like even he was shocked by his own words. He cleared his throat. "After what we've been through, you would think you could trust me."

"Its hard."

"I know. How do you think I feel? But I trust you. Dammit Bella, I don't even trust my mother and father. You're god damn special for all you know. We've slept in the same bed." He chuckled darkly.

"I promise." I whispered.

"What do you promise?"

"I'll try. I'll try to trust you." I said and he smiled warmly.

The rest of the week, Edward snuck into my room.

He would come earlier than usual since Father was out of town and spend hours in my room.

He confessed that he wanted to apologize to his mother Esme as she had not spoken more than three words since he returned home, but couldn't find it in him to do it. I could tell that he wanted to, but was too scared. I convinced him to take his time, but that he should as his mother deserved it.

Talking to Edward had become so easy and relaxing. Once in a while he would try and bring me up to the conversation and I would just piss him off, because I refused to talk.

I wasn't ready.

During school, Edward would glance at me during lunch and smile which was enough to make my day. I would walk around with a stupid smile on my face. During English, he would get us in trouble because he couldn't seem to stop talking to me during class. He even stopped by my locker once and walked me to my next class. The halls were empty so nobody noticed…but I noticed. We spent time after school at our tutoring sessions, but I noticed we hardly had or did any school work.

I started to become use to Edward. It wasn't good and I knew it, but I couldn't help myself. When he was in the same room and I was aware of it, I had to look his way. When he was in my room, I couldn't sit anywhere else but by his side; I had to stay close to him. I felt like a damn leech.

Another strange thing happened during the week.

Alice Cullen started talking to me in art class. It started out with small talk on colors on Wednesday and then by Friday, she and Angela begged me to sit with them. I agreed as they couldn't stop whining and begging. Besides, it felt nice that they wanted me around. Of course I hardly said anything as they blabbered about shopping, graduation parties and boys while I sketched. They never tried to peek at what I was doing, but did complement me when made it easy for them to see what I was drawing.

They were both nice to me. Sure, I was scared at first, but they seemed harmless after a while. I still wasn't sure why they had decided that it would be a good idea that I sat with them as I didn't think I was good company.

On Friday they walked me to English. Of course Angela had it with me, but we never walked together. It felt strange.

Whatever their intentions were, I would keep my walls up just in case.

On Friday night, Edward confessed he wouldn't be sneaking into my room on Saturday night because Ben was having a party that he planned to sneak out to go to. I quickly felt disappointed. I knew it was visible in my face, but I couldn't help it. I hated it. Why the hell should I care? I enjoy my alone time. I didn't have any lately…

"But…I'll come Sunday." Edward said and I looked at him. He raised his eyebrows as if trying to convince me and I just nodded.

He had noticed.

"Okay." I simply said without looking at him and he stayed quiet.

On Saturday, after making us lunch mom went to Port Angeles. Apparently, Phil was taking everybody to watch a movie adaptation of a book they had read. I just nodded as my mother giggled and told me about her plans.

She tried to convince me that he had tried to tell them to let her bring me along, but Phil had already gotten the tickets and the movie was sold out. I shrugged not really caring. I don't want to meet this Phil guy anyway.

I spent the rest of the afternoon watching TV. After the wasted time, I sent Jacob some e-mails. I had received his last letter on Friday, but I was so busy with Edward I had forgotten about it. In the letter, Jacob gave me his e-mail address and talked about how he was returning soon and that it would be a surprise.

He teased me about me not liking surprises, but that I would like this one.

I just hoped he got here soon!

It was almost 11 o'clock and I felt exhausted and hungry. I was too lazy to make anything to eat and it was too late anyway. I tried falling asleep but it was hard. I had no idea why it was so difficult to find sleep tonight. I was tired; I guess I wasn't tired enough.

I got up and started looking through my closet and when I found what I was looking forward, I quickly took my shirt off and put the Radiohead t-shirt that smelled of Edward on.

Now I can sleep.

I fell on my bed and closed my eyes waiting for to sleep to take over. I thought I was succeeding, but I was rudely interrupted by a light knock on my balcony door. I quickly sat up to find Edward outside my door. He waved at me with a grin on his face and one of his hands behind his back.

What the?

I walked over to the balcony door.

"What are you doing here? I thought you were at the party."

"I was…but…uh…um…um…it was shit. It was a lame party so I had to leave. Now open the damn door Bella!" He yelled playfully and I did what he asked.

Just as I opened the door, the smell of food hit my nose.

"Close you eyes!" he ordered.

"Why?"

"Just do it!"

"No!"

"Godammit Bella, just do it!"

"Whatever!" I said shut my eyes and he chuckled.

"I have two presents for you." He said and I felt him moving around. I tried peeking. "Close your eyes! You're going to ruin the surprise.

"There's nothing to celebrate."

"Who gives a shit? Now open you eyes." He ordered and I did ready to yell at him, but stepped back as he held a small box in my face.

"What is it?" I asked and he rolled his eyes.

"Like the damn picture of the phone on the front isn't enough for you."

"A cell phone?"

"Yep!" he said popping his 'p' and smiling.

"For…me?"

"Duh! I already have one." He said pulling out his own phone. "Sit down and open the box." I sat down on my bed and carefully started to open the box. "Just rip the damn thing open Bella!" I sighed in annoyance and he chuckled.

I finally pulled out a shiny red phone. It started to vibrate in my hand and the phone's screen lighted up and the song _Creep_ by Radiohead started to play.

"_But I'm a creep. I'm a weirdo…what the hell am I doing here?" _I giggled when I saw the name _Eduardo_ on the screen.

"Yep, that's me." He said holding up his phone to show me he was calling me.

"Um…I can't take this Edward…I mean this must have cost you a lot of money…"

"Don't start Bella! Just take the damn phone." He said sitting next to me. Why did it smell like food?

"But…"

"But nothing. Now we can text each other during English." He said wiggling his eyebrows and I giggled again. "Also…if…um…" he paused and took a deep breath. "If you're ever in trouble…if you know what I mean…now you have a way of getting help." I looked down at the phone. "If you need anything…anything at all. You can just call me and I'll be here. I'm on call for you." He whispered the last part and I smiled at him.

"You're on call?"

"Yep, 24/7." He said smiling. I took his hand in mine and he intertwined our fingers. It should feel weird that I had the nerve to take his hand, but it wasn't. I don't think he felt weird either. I squeezed his hand and he squeezed back.

"Thank you." I whispered and wanted to slap myself; it sounded broken.

"No problem." He whispered back. He stared at me for a moment before smiling again.

"Edward…"

"Yeah?" he said without blinking and his mouth fell open a little.

"Why does it smell like food?" I asked and he suddenly jumped letting go of my hand.

"Shit, I almost forgot to give you your other gift." He said taking out a paper bag from under my bed. "Close your eyes!" he ordered again and I smiled and rolling my eyes, but did what he asked. I felt him sit next to me again. "You're wearing my shirt!" he said sounding excited and I was about to open my eyes... "No! Not yet. Geez Bella, you're worse than a child."

"Screw you!"

"Not tonight."

"Ugh!" he chuckled and I could feel that he was now holding a bag in front of my face…it smelled delicious and greasy.

"Okay open you eyes!" he said and I did.

In front of my face was paper bag with cartoon characters and a big "m". I could feel the tears threatening to come out and the lump in my throat.

"Oh Bella! Don't cry kid. It's just a Happy Meal!" He teased and I rolled my eyes snatching the bag form his hands while he laughed. I didn't even want to open it, just to savoir the moment.

"Bella, greasy food tastes nasty when it's frozen. Open the damn bag and eat your unhealthy Happy Meal! Now!" I laughed and opened the paper bag. The smell of fries and greasy crap hit my nose and my stomach approved. But I had to…I had to open my toy first. I pulled out the plastic bag that held a pink miniature Barbie and I ripped the small bag with my teeth and pulled the tiny blonde girl out. She was so pretty and Edward laughed at my adoration for it.

"Shut up!" I said and stroked the Barbie's hair. I looked up at Edward with a smile on my face and found him staring at me with a smile of his own.

"How are the two minutes of glee Bella?" he asked smiling and I just stared at him. He had the most beautiful eyes and smile. I felt like tracing his face with my finger tips just to adore every inch of it. I felt a warm weight on my chest and I sighed as he stared back.

"They're amazing." I said and his joyful face turned into one of contemplation.

"I see it now." He whispered.

* * *

**AWWW! So since I gave you fluff I get reviews….right?**

**So I wanna thank Chiara0075 for recommending a song to me for ATTY which I have added to my ATTY music playlist that I listen to while I write. Thanks love!**

**I will be adding my playlist to my author's profile next chapter. Not all songs since some might give away the later plot. But I do have a song that is Bella's theme song. I listen to it a hundred times while writing her POV. Please check out "**_**Today's The Day"**_** by Aimee Mann. Some of you might know it as the song from the movie **_**Enough**_** with JLO. It's an amazing song that fits Bella so well and if you listen to it and can't see it than what the heck? Haha**

**Thanks again to ****crazyj9girl for the amazing banner. If you guys haven't checked that out, please do so by clicking on my author name so it can take you to my Bio.**

**P.S If you have any song recommendations for this story, please feel free to play DJ and let me know. I would love to hear your songs.**

**Next chap will be up before 06/30 because I know none of you will care after that date about fanfiction haha. I know I won't! Team Eddiekins! **cough**Team KStew**cough**.**


	14. Friends I Guess

**So…I might have been a bit distracted this week **cough**Eclipse***cough **Stew's new hair** ends coughing. **

**Thanks for hanging in there hehe I swear I don't know what happened to me this week, but I promise another chapter very soon after this one. I promise too much I know…**

Ch 14/Edward/ Friends...I Guess

I headed straight to lunch after class was over. I just wanted to lay my head on a table and try to control this fucking headache. I didn't even bother to go to my locker to leave my journal.

I didn't sleep at all last night.

It was fucking hell.

I don't know why, but I couldn't get my fucking my mind to relax. I had this strange feeling all fucking night…more like a worry. I was worried and I didn't even know why. I didn't know if the feeling is common, but fuck, this can't be normal. I felt like I was going to explode and I was soaked in sweat the entire night. I opened my window to let some cool Washington air in, but that didn't help. It only made me nauseas. Besides being sore and mild pain, I felt sick to my stomach and anxious as fuck.

I kept pacing up and down my room all night trying to find a reason for my worry or my lack of desire to sleep. I should have gone straight to bed and sleep since my fucking body was still sore and I was emotionally drained from hearing my mother cry.

Esme had welcomed me back with a kiss on the cheek and tight hug, but after that she cried, asking me if I even knew how worried she was. I didn't say anything, because that is what I usually do, but I found myself wanting to apologize more than ever. I don't know why the fuck, but shit I wish she wouldn't cry the way she does. She let out a loud and heartbreaking sob and I just stood there with my hands in my pockets. She didn't even ask why I wasn't wearing shirt when I got home. I didn't want to piss her off so I didn't take the risk of sneaking out to go to Bella's house.

That was it!

I tossed and turned in my bed with guilt and worry. I didn't know why I was worried, her fucked up father was out of town and she was safe. I just felt weird and like an asshole that I wasn't there just in case. I needed to be near her just to make sure she was breathing and being her smart ass self. I needed to see her. I swore to god that if that asshole or if anybody else fucked with her, I would kick their ass. I will kill that motherfucker. I'm not sure how Bella would take me killing her father, but after seeing those pictures of her of when she was 13, I doubt she would hurt for him.

I dreamt those pictures and I dreamt of a 13 year old Bella. Somehow, I found a way to blame myself in my dreams. I felt guilty…so guilty. I should tell someone. What if he kills her next time? It was shit like this that didn't let me sleep. I blamed myself again. I should have known her then. I should've done something. Someone should've seen something. I wondered what bullshit story Charles gave the hospital when Bella was admitted. And what about her mom? Didn't she say anything? What kind of mother would let something like the beating of her daughter just pass and do nothing about it? A piece of shit mother she is…I know a thing or two about that.

I woke up with a headache from the lack if sleep, a knotted stomach and a bad mood.

I wanted to punch a wall until lunch time the next day.

Until I saw her.

Until I saw Bella.

She awkwardly waved at me in the middle of the lunch room and I couldn't help the smile that was creeping onto my face. I waved back instinctively like a damn moron and like the douche that I am, ignored the excited feeling I felt to see her and kept my cool, when I all wanted to do was run to her and ask her if her night was better than mine. Her shy smile did things to me.

It was like seeing a familiar place in a strange and unknown place. You feel disoriented and a bit scared when you are in a place you don't know. It pisses me off. But then you see a familiar face, a friend or just someone you've seen a dozen times and the feeling of familiar safety crawls in to wash that shit away.

I've never had that.

I've always felt disoriented and a bit afraid like a pussy, even in places and around people I knew. It was all foreign to me. I didn't have a familiar face to reassure me that it was safe. But as soon as I saw those deep chocolate brown eyes staring at me at lunch, I felt that "familiar safety" and I tried my best to hide it. I didn't want to look like a pussy. But shit…I felt it.

Bella blushed as I grinned at her and I chuckled. She was so shy. I wondered if she felt the "familiarity" that I felt. I hope she did.

Bella suddenly jolted forward. Rosalie fucking Hale bumped into her and said something that caused her and Tanya to giggle like fucking hyenas. Bella quickly widened her eyes and her breathing quickened. I wondered if fucking Rosalie ever knew anything about Bella's story, would she fucking feel any kind of remorse for the shit she does.

Probably not.

It took a lot in me not to jump up and threaten the shit out of Rosalie to leave Bella the fuck alone. I held my breath and fisted my hands trying to control my anger. Bella turned a bright red and took off and I knew where she wad heading, but I couldn't exactly go after her in front of everyone.

Alice and Jasper sat by me and Tanya and Rosalie sat together at the other end of the oval table.

"What the fuck was that shit for?" I yelled at Rosalie causing for the table to look at me. I couldn't help it, I had to say something.

"What are you talking about?" Rosalie asked rolling her eyes. The bitch had the fucking audacity. She fucking knew what the fuck I was talking about.

"That shit you just did! What the fuck did Bella do to you for you to bump into her like that? You're a fucking bitch Rosalie." I could feel the blood rushing to my head and I knew the vein in my forehead was popped out.

"What the fuck Edward? Since when are you Edward the angel, defender of all losers like Isabella?"

"Since you just fucking did that! Since blonde demons like you exist. I suggest you suck on someone else's blood for a fucking change." I felt Alice's hand cover mine, but I ignored her. Rosalie glared at me, but seemed confused by my words.

"Eddie, calm down. Rose was just playing around like we always do." Tanya said in high pitch voice that made me want to blow my fucking brains. She popped her gum while playing with a strand of her blonde hair. "We always play around with the Virgin Mary or like everyone else knows her by, Isabella ugly Swan. Don't you know that Eddie?" she started giggling.

"Don't call me Eddie or think you have certain bitch privileges over Bella…or I will fucking…" I took a deep breath as it wasn't like me to physically threaten opposite sex, but these bitches…

Tanya rolled her eyes and got up and left for the lunch line when she spotted Jessica and Lauren.

"Edward, now that you're playing guardian angel to the lovely Swan. Have you fucked her yet?" Rosalie asked and everyone else turned and looked at me. And it all came back to me.

Not once in the past few days, had I even remembered the stupid bet.

Not once did I even think about Rosalie and everyone else. I have been so soaked into Bella's world, that everything else didn't manage to matter.

Shit.

"I um...uh…not yet." I said nervously and I turned to look at Alice who gave me a confused look. She was studying me. When Alice studied people, it wasn't a good sign. The little pixie knew something.

"Well how close are you to doing so? I'm guessing close, I didn't think Isabella would ever have the courage to say hello to you, but she did." I gulped as Rosalie continued. "Valentines is coming up, you might want to do something special!" Rosalie said sarcastically and stopped talking when Tanya returned with Jessica and Lauren. Emmett finally got to the table and sat with Rosalie.

Nobody said anything about Bella anymore and started conversations about something else. They had moved on and ignored me just like old times.

Everyone except Alice.

She kept staring at me, studying my face and she was pissing me off.

"What?" I said and she jumped shaking her head.

"I don't know…you tell me." She whispered and I sighed loudly trying to show her I wasn't too pleased with her attention.

"Whatever!" I grumbled and stood up before Alice could use her pixie powers and see it all in my face. I had to get away from these people.

I headed to the back building thinking of things to say to Bella. I wanted to explain that Rosalie was just being her usual self and I didn't want her thinking I had to do with it. I didn't understand why I cared so much that she would blame me for Rosalie's bitch fest. Maybe I knew this would affect my plan to seduce Bella.

Yeah, keep telling yourself that, you shit head. Keep pretending this is the reason you want to apologize to Bella and why you are looking for her.

I reached the back building and headed to Bella's tree. It had become Bella's tree since I saw it. I wouldn't see another way. I knew she would be there and as I got closer, my heart started pounding against my chest and my hands got sweaty. I swallowed my nervousness and took a deep breath as I reached the tree.

What am I? Twelve? Can't talk to a girl? I hoped she would be there.

I wasn't disappointed. Bella sat with her back against her tree and her sketchbook in her lap. She angrily sketched away and it seemed she would almost tear the paper with her pencil.

She was pissed and I understood this would make my apology a lot more difficult. But I wasn't going to run away. I was going to do this. I leaned on the tree, trying to look as confident and cool as possible.

"Now Bella, we both know that isn't your best work. I'm not impressed." I said as charming as I could. Bella whipped her head up and I smiled at her trying to show her that I meant no harm, but she didn't smile back.

Shit

She returned to her drawing and I slid down the tree so I could sit next to her, but immediately regretted as I was still fucking sore. I got as close as possible to her as I felt that I needed to do to talk to her. I needed to be as close to her as possible. Somehow this made my worry that anything would harm her go away.

I tried to make my apology, but Bella wasn't having it and she didn't seem to blame me, which only made me glad. She didn't look at me while she drew, but I didn't mind. She wouldn't think I was a freak for staring at her face. Her lower lip was in between her teeth and her eyebrows were furrowed as she concentrated on her art.

I found it amusing. In a good way.

I let her know that and she turned to face me and she was about to say something, probably something smart, but as her eyes caught mine…she said nothing as I.

There was something different about Bella today.

I could turn away from her face. The way her cheeks were a rosy color and her full lips were an extra pink today made me forget that I didn't want her thinking I was a freak. My greedy eyes stayed on her little face. The way her messy and wavy brown hair contrasted with her pale skin and the way her brown eyes fluttered while they looked at me trying to understand my fascination with her, only made me confused. She began shaking her knee and I knew I was making her nervous, but it was her fault.

_What she do to her face?_

"What?" she whispered and I finally came out of my trance, but couldn't find the words to explain myself. "What Edward?" I shook my head.

"Did you do something to your face?" I immediately hated how I sounded so antagonizing.

"No, is there something on my face?" she panicked, but I shook my head to let her know that there wasn't anything wrong with her face.

Nothing.

"Are you wearing make-up?" I knew she wasn't, but I had to understand what was so different. It wasn't make-up. Bella would waste money by buying herself that shit. It would only ruin her pretty skin.

_Pretty?_

Yes, pretty…fuck you!

After having a minor argument, Bella agreed to let me sit next to her so that I could write. I had never written while sitting next to someone. I always felt like they would be judging every word, even though nobody ever cared what I wrote.

"Are you going to let me read some day?" she suddenly asked and I smiled.

Nobody cared until Bella.

I warned her that my mind was fucked up, but she insisted she could take it and had to remind me of those fucking pictures. I let her know I hadn't stopped thinking about them and she apologized though she didn't need to because it wasn't her fault. She refused to tell me about them and I let her know that she had to trust me, because I trusted her.

I've never said the damn words out loud. I've always fought them back because I was too damn prideful to let anybody know that I trusted them, but with Bella, the fucking words just slipped out. She promised me she would try and trust me. Her trying was good enough…for now.

I snuck into Bella's room the rest of the week. I refused to have another night where I couldn't even breathe because of the worry. During school, I tried my best to stay away from her, but something would always lead back to Bella. We got on the English's teacher's nerves and I couldn't help but feel proud that Bella was annoying the teacher. She thought it was funny too.

We spent the nights talking and even though I would wake up tired as hell and even though I fell asleep during my first class, the warmth of her room and her body next to mine as we sat on her bed was becoming an addiction. I realized I was also writing less and that was probably because I would tell Bella any random shit I thought of and she would listen and make comments. She never made annoying or judgmental comments and never lectured some bullshit to me. I spent so much time with Bella, I was starting to smell like her and I didn't mind. Though, I did smell a little fruity.

We did tutoring after school and I would walk her to her truck as close as possible. I didn't know why I felt the world was out to get Bella, but just in case I would be ready to take anybody on. On Thursday, I spotted Alice outside while I walked Bella. She was watching us. Why the fuck was she still in school, I didn't know but she studied me and I swear I hated when she did that.

On Friday, as I walked to English, I spotted Angela and Alice walking with Bella. If that wasn't weird and out of this fucking world I didn't know what was. Bella looked nervous and awkward as if she didn't know why they were walking her and I didn't know either. As Bella and Angela walked into English, I waited for Alice to walk my way. I didn't appreciate her making Bella nervous. She was up to something. I knew Alice too well. As she walked by me I grabbed her arm and she yelped.

"What the hell Edward!" she was exaggerating, I didn't even grab her hard.

"Don't fuck with her!" I warned pointing at my English class and she furrowed her eyebrows.

"What are you talking about?" she asked playing stupid.

"You know what I'm talking about! What the fuck do you want with her?"

"I should ask you the same thing." She said and I had nothing to say back as she had me there.

What did I want? I didn't even remember the fucking bet until I would see my siblings or Rosalie right after hanging around Bella. My reasons for sneaking into her room had never involved the bet.

It had to be the bet. Why else would I sneak into her room?

"Look Edward," Alice huffed "I'm just trying to be nice to Bella."

"Why the fuck for? She doesn't need you to be nice to her…"

"Why not? I like her." She said sheepishly.

"You…like…her?" I knew Alice never lied, but why now?

"Yes, I think she's interesting."

"You're full of shit. Stay away from her." Alice tried hiding her smile, but she failed. "What's so fucking amusing?"

"Nothing." She answered simply. I started to panic. What if she told Bella about the bet? Bella would hate me. Bella would never forgive me. Alice promised she would never tell…

"Don't you dare tell her Alice!"

"Tell her what?" I was about to yell at her when she raised her tiny hand to my face. "I already said I wouldn't. I do like Bella. Why are you so against her having friends?"

"I'm not, she just doesn't need you."

"How would you know?"

"I just do…she has…" I couldn't believe what I was about to say so I didn't say it. "You're not her kind of friend." She giggled.

"Edward, I'm everybody's kind of friend."

"You like to shop."

"And?"

"She doesn't." she smiled again and I didn't understand it. I was pissed at myself. I sounded like a damn child.

"That's no problem. I'm sure I can convince Bella that shopping is awesome." I rolled my eyes. "Oh come on Edward! Just because you're lying to her doesn't mean I am." That one was below the belt and I glared at her, but she avoided my eyes. "Besides, I think she likes me too. I won't go away until she tells me to. I have a feeling that Bella and I are going to be great friends!" she squealed and skipped away. I sighed loudly making sure she would hear me.

That night I let Bella know I wouldn't be sneaking into her room Saturday night and she seemed as disappointed as I felt shitty. But I'm selfish and arrogant so I felt satisfaction that she was disappointed that I wouldn't be around. Of course I promised I would come on Sunday and she seemed to ease up.

The Cullen siblings spent the morning at the Port Angeles mall with Jasper and Rosalie. They walked in a group and I ignored them falling behind. I wondered if Bella would like to come to the mall one day. Maybe I could bring her. I wondered it Bella was bored on the weekends since she didn't go anywhere. It would be cool if I could ask her, but she didn't have a damn phone.

I realized I had lost the group, but ended up in a _Verizon Wireless_ store. Yep, this was a sign. I walked in and picked the coolest phone in the shop and took Carlisle's plastic card and once the phone was "mine" to give to Bella, I bought her, her first ringtone and just for me. Yeah, I'm a douche. Bella having a phone would make everything so much easier. Maybe, knowing Bella had a means of communication, I could sleep better.

Maybe we could also text random shit to each other.

I hid the phone in Alice's car. We had decided to take her car to Port Angeles and to Ben's party.

Ben's party was the biggest shit fest of my life. Well, I had only been there for five minutes and I already wanted to leave so maybe I wasn't giving it a chance. Emmett gave me a beer and I sat with Jasper and Mike and him. The music was crap, the people were crap, the beer didn't taste like old times, and I was annoyed by everyone and everything. The guys started talking about sex, baseball, "hottest chicks in school" and then that led to sex again. I wondered what Bella was doing and if she missed me around. She was probably happy that she didn't have to deal with me anymore.

That shit started messing with my mind.

What if she really doesn't want me around?

What if she hates me and is just pretending to like me being around because she's scared?

_You're such an insecure fuck!_

What if Charles came back from Seattle?

I sat up and walked away from the boys ignoring Emmett's questioning of my destination. I walked over to Alice who was holding a fruity drink and talking to Angela and some other girls.

I walked behind her and gently tapped her back causing her to turn to face me.

"Ed? What's wrong?" Shit, was it noticeable in my face?

"Um, can you give me a ride back into town? I know its fucked up to ask you to leave the party, but I really gotta get out of here and town is far from here." I said and she smiled at me.

"Um…yeah sure let me go tell Jasper." She said and skipped off. Seriously, she skips like she's fucking nine.

The ride back into town was silent at first, until Alice started asking why I wasn't enjoying the party, which only led me to piss her off, because I didn't answer her. I told her to drop me off at some street.

She didn't know that street was Bella's street address.

As we made our way to Bella's street, a bright yellow neon light grabbed my attention.

"Turn left!" I yelled and Alice braked hard causing us to fly forward. We had to stop our bodies by slapping our hands on the dashboard.

"What the hell?" she asked angrily.

"I'm hungry." I said and she rolled her eyes and turned into the _McDonald's_ drive-thru. I wasn't hungry, more like nauseated by Ben's shit party, but I couldn't help it. I had to do this. Besides everybody deserves a plastic and useless toy and nasty ass food.

When we got to the speaker, I thought I was being funny and cute by ordering a chicken nugget Happy Meal, but when the drive-thru person asked me if I wanted the Happy Meal Barbie or a Happy Meal Transformers, I got all nervous. I cleared my throat and over Alice shouted that I wanted a Happy Meal Barbie and Alice gave me a confused look and I glared at her, daring her to ask.

At the window, after Alice took the Happy Meal from the cashier and handed it to me, I was quick to let the cashier know that it was for Alice and her weird fascination for dolls. Alice slapped my arm.

"Okay," she sighed as we got back on the road and I rolled my eyes "I won't ask, but could you at least tell me what the hell have you been doing sneaking out of your room this week?" I stopped breathing and I felt like I was caught. Fuck! I panicked.

"How the hell do you know? You fucking stalker!" I yelled.

_Why do I yell?_

"Let's not forget your room is on top of mine. My window just happened to be opened one night and then every night after that. I saw you."

"You can't tell anybody. Esme is already upset with me and Carlisle is fucking pissed so…"

"I'm not telling anybody Edward, but you could at least tell me so I won't worry."

"Don't worry, seriously."

"Is it something bad?"

"I'm taking a Happy Meal to the place where I've been going. Do you _think_ it's bad?" I asked annoyed.

"You're going to the same place?" shit I realized I had given myself away.

"You'll never know where." I muttered.

"Damn you Edward Anthony Cullen!" I smiled at her anger. I asked her to drop me off a few blocks away, so she wouldn't know where I was actually going. She left back to the party, not before asking me again where I was going. I flipped her off and after I grabbed Bella's phone from under the seat.

I power walked to Bella's house and with one hand climbed the tree that led into her balcony. She was lying down with her arms around a pillow and her face buried deep into it. I smiled at her and the weird familiarity took over again and I gently knocked on her balcony door. I hid her phone and her Happy Meal behind my back ready to surprise her and like a moron waved and grinned at her.

She must think I'm a loser.

_You are, you pussy!_

I gave her the phone first, which I was pretty excited about and she seemed excited too after I told her we could text during school and shit. But most of all, she seemed a little overwhelmed when I let her know she could call me if she was in any kind of trouble. It was as if it was the first time someone showed care for her.

I could do that. Right?

Bella's eyes watered when I gave her the Happy Meal. Who knew something so simple could make an 18 year old girl so happy. She quickly took the Barbie out of its bag and started fingering her hair. I couldn't help but smile at her adorable enthusiasm for the stupid doll. Her wide smile and blush made me excited and proud that I had done something to make someone happy.

It felt…good.

"How are the two minutes of glee Bella?" I asked and she looked at me again with her brown eyes that let me know the answer faster than her words. I could get lost in those chocolate orbs.

I want to.

"They're amazing." She said with a broken whisper and I saw it then.

I saw Bella's innocence. I saw Bella. I saw her…I swear. I saw her for the first time. I saw the girl so sheltered that she's never had such a simple childhood privilege. I saw in Bella's eyes, what I needed to see. She needed this.

She needed me to do something to save her innocence from the fucking _monster_. I needed to do something before he ruined her completely.

"I see it now." I said and I meant it. I did.

I sat with Bella on her bed while she munched on her chicken nuggets. I held her BBQ sauce cups so she could dip the nuggets. She fed me fries and a chicken nugget like a child and she giggled because I let her, it made me laugh. We talked about how lame Ben's party was and how she was bored all day and how she planned to paint her room. I listened to what she had to say, but was distracted by how her small mouth looked when it moved while she chewed and talked and how her little pink tongue licked the BBQ sauce off her lips. I had to look away as I knew that would have an affect on my body that I wouldn't be able to hide.

She drank her juice from the little box and crushed it in her hand when she was done. She burped lightly and almost feminine-like, if that was even possible. She turned and looked at me.

"I'm sorry, did you want any?" she asked playfully, raising one of her eye brows and I chuckled.

"You didn't give me a chance fatty." I said and grabbed her non existent side fat and she giggled. Her sweet giggle did things to me. I sighed. Her shirt was rolled up a little and I could see her pale skin from her belly and a little further down, a belly button. I covered my mouth to muffle my groan.

"What's wrong with you? You're aren't suppose to call a girl fat!" she said and playfully slapped my arm as she sat up. I was disappointed when she pulled her shirt down, covering her _pretty_ skin.

"Bella, you're the farthest thing from fat. How much do you weigh? Like 80 pounds?" she slapped my arm again.

"For your information, its 109 pounds and 110 after tonight." She said and giggled.

"There was something in your juice I swear!" I said and she giggled more until a knock on the door froze us both. Bella slapped my mouth shut with her hand and I could smell the BBQ on her hand I wanted to laugh, but I was too damn worried about who was on the other side of her door.

"Bella, baby!" A woman's voice said and Bella looked at me in worry with her BBQ hand still over my mouth.

"The door is locked." She whispered and turned to look at her door again. "Yeah mom?" she said trying to sound as relaxed as possible.

"Are you okay in there? I heard laughter."

"Mom, I laugh and that worries you?" Bella had to be a smart ass in moments like these. "I'm fine. I was just watching some TV." She finished.

"Okay, baby. I'm going to bed. I have to get up early tomorrow. I'm going to Port Angeles again with Phil." Bella's mom said and Bella rolled her eyes as she sighed in frustration.

"Alright…good night mom."

"Good night baby." Bella's mom said and her shadow moved away from under the door and Bella turned towards me, but didn't look at me….or move her hand away from my mouth.

"God, I hate that Phil guy." She mumbled and looked down. I smiled in her hand and tapped her arm and she quickly looked up. "Oh my god, I'm sorry!" She said and removed her hand away from my mouth and I took an exaggerated deep breath and she slapped my arm again.

"Bella, keep hitting my arm and I'll get cancer. Shit." I said while rubbing my arm and she giggled and quickly covered her mouth with her hand and I chuckled. "Who's Phil?" I asked and she rolled her eyes.

"Some jackass that's trying to steal my mother." I raised my eyebrows and she rolled her eyes again. "Not really, but she's always with him. He's the president of some book club she's part of."

"That's gay." I said and she giggled.

"No its not."

"Yeah it is. Who does that shit? Seriously?"

"People that like books."

"You mean gay men that fantasize about the perfect man in their dirty novels."

"They don't read dirty novels!" she laughed-talked.

"Whatever, I think this Phil guy has the hots for Fabio so don't worry. Your mom is safe." I said and she buried her face in my shoulder to muffle her giggles and I let her. She suddenly stopped giggling and looked up at me and her small mouth fell open a little. I guessed she was surprised at herself fro acting so carefree with me and that she was being to "touchy". I smiled at her and moved a strand from her hair behind her ear and she let out a low gasp while blood rushed to her cheeks. I chuckled. She shook her head out of embarrassment and laid it on my shoulder while wrapping her arms around my arm. My hand fell under her belly and her warmth surrounded me. I didn't know what she was doing…I didn't know what _I_ was doing.

Hesitantly, I placed my chin on her head and held one of her hands in mine and sighed into her hair. I took a deep breath and let her strawberry scent enter my lungs. She moved her forehead into my neck and laid her face in my chest with her forehead leaned into my right cheek. My heart started racing like a twelve year old boy who just made contact with a girl for the first time…that way.

She let go of my arm and placed her hands by my side and I swear I wanted her to do it. I wanted her to wrap her arms around my waist in a hug. It wouldn't be our first hug, but I wouldn't be doing it just to console her while she broke down. It would be a nice…a nice hug.

As my right arm found its way around Bella's small back, I hit my head against her headboard and shut my eyes tight.

_What happening to me?_

We lay there, on her bed, for a long time. We stayed in silence. There was nothing that needed to be said and I didn't mind the silence with Bella. Though talking to her was easy as breathing, we said so much more in silence. She was too shy and I was too prideful to say anything more than random small talk. Silence was nice.

This was nice.

I could feel her heart beat on her back and hear her slow breathing mixed with my low breaths. My eyes stayed closed and I kept dozing off. I was about to ask her if she was asleep when she sat up and her warm body left mine.

"Where you goin?" I might have sounded a bit panicked and like a complete needy moron, but I didn't care at the moment. She smiled at me softly and pointed her small pale finger at the bathroom.

"I can still taste BBQ." She said and slowly walked into her bathroom after I smiled at her as if I was giving her permission.

I'm such a douche.

She took a few minutes and I became a little antsy, but as she made her way out of the bathroom and back to bed, I quickly sat up and fixed her side of the bed.

_Her side? This is her bed you fuckwit!_

She reluctantly sat at the edge and I felt the pressure of my chest.

_Didn't she wanna sit with me anymore?_

I nervously sat up and looked at her and tried my best to look inviting and made her aware that I was waiting for her. She slowly and gently climbed into the bed and sat by me again with her back against the headboard and looked down at her lap. I took a deep breath and like an idiot boy on his first date, nervously wrapped an arm around her shoulders and her eyes looked up as if asking what I was doing, but it didn't take her long to lean into me and I smiled at my small victory.

I was comfortable again, but she still didn't wrap her arms around me. I guess this was normal. I mean we haven't even decided if we are friends. We didn't even know what we were. But somehow that didn't matter with Bella.

_You really wanna be the Swan's friend?_

Friends? I…I guess I do.

Bella leaned her head on my chest again and I position myself, trying to make comfort for her.

"If you wanna sleep and want me to leave, just say the words. I don't want to bother…"

"No!" she said and grabbed my chest to stop me, but I chuckled because I wasn't even moving. She knotted my shirt in her hand and sighed.

"I'm sorry; I mean you don't have to. I don't mind." She whispered and my inner demons rolled their eyes at my stupid smile and joy that Bella didn't mind me sticking around. She let go of my shirt, but kept her hand on me. It was now on my shoulder, almost around my neck. I gulped not knowing why Bella's sudden physical "affection", if I could call this affection, was making me nervous. I squirmed, as if I was a fucking virgin, touched for the very first fucking time.

I leaned my head against the headboard again and closed my eyes and I felt at peace. I wanted to stay and sleep as I hadn't been able to sleep last night and being around Bella made it better to sleep. But it would be impossible. I would have to leave soon or Esme and Carlisle would surely kick me out this time.

"Do you mind?" she whispered and moved her face off my chest to look into my eyes and her lips were inches away from mine. I was distracted by them for a moment and I licked mine and swallowed nervously. She smelled so good.

_I_ _bet her lips taste good. I bet they are soft._

"Mind what?" I said breathlessly.

Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with me?

"Me like this. Do I make you uncomfortable?" she asked worried and I smiled at her which made her calm down. That was impossible. She could never make me feel uncomfortable.

"Nah, I don't mind." I said and she smiled back. "Do I make you feel uncomfortable?" I asked and she quickly shook her head.

"No, not at all." She ran her finger tips across my jaw, causing chills and I let out a shaky breath. I was embarrassed by my reaction, but she didn't seem to mind. She moved her face back into my chest and her hand returned to my neck. "Maybe I can sleep tonight. It was hell last night." She said and I didn't know if I should share my miserable sleepless story. Maybe she could see that it's the same for me when I', not near her, but decided against it.

"Well, I'm here Bella." I whispered into her hair and ran my index finger across the bruises she had on the arm that was wrapped across my chest and up to my neck. "I'm here to scare hell away. You can sleep and I promise even in your dreams, nobody will fuck with you." She let out a soft giggle. "I'm serious."

"I believe you." She sighed.

I don't know why that made me smile and make me want to get up and chant in victory, but I managed to calm myself down and stay with Bella on my chest.

"Thank you." She said lowly and I didn't answer and instead, closed my eyes.

Time passed and I suddenly woke up. The sudden return to reality made my heart race. I looked down as my body was now asleep and I could still feel a warm body on me.

Bella was still laying on me, but by the light rise and falls of her chest, I could tell she was asleep. The arm that was wrapped around my neck had managed to fall around my waist and I gently pulled away and helped her lay on her pillow. I sat at the edge of the bed and looked at my cell phone to see that I had napped for an hour.

I shoved my phone back into my jeans and turned to look at Bella. Her curled brown hair was all over her face and I chuckled. I moved it away from her face to discover her sleeping form. Her cheeks were blushed and her nose was a little shiny. I guessed my body warmth had made her sweaty, but she looked beautiful.

Yeah, I fucking said it.

There was nothing wrong with Bella's face when I asked her during lunch.

I just denied the thought that I believed Bella was beautiful.

But she was.

Her flawless creamy skin and the light sprinkled freckles on her cheeks and nose and the way I drowned in her deep chocolate brown eyes convinced my asshole self that Bella was beauty.

She was a secret and dangerous beauty.

Its takes you a while to realize she is beautiful because she doesn't put herself in display or skip around in expensive and revealing clothes, but once you see it, once you see her beauty you can't look away. It holds you and you can't dare yourself to look away. Her beauty can be described as simple, but that's what makes her beautiful. She doesn't have one strong feature, like big lips or a big ass, but all of her is just right. All of Bella is beauty. She doesn't need make-up or a nice hair due. Her smell and face and body hold natural beauty women would kill for and a man would want in a woman. Her beauty isn't offsetting and instead is captivating.

With my finger tips, I caressed her blushed cheeks. I ran my thumb across her lower full lip and she let out a soft whimper and my dick twitched and I knew I had to leave before I poked Bella's eye. I chuckled at the idea and kissed her forehead.

I did it before I even thought about it, but I kept at it. I gave her forehead a second kiss and smiled my way out of her house.

I thought spending time with Bella last night might help me lose some of this worry, but I woke up drenched in sweat from a fucking nightmare.

I couldn't eat breakfast and I couldn't play video games with Emmett. I was so fucking distracted and worried. I was anxious as I didn't know when Charles returned. I didn't know what would be the difference if Bella has lived with him all her life. But I couldn't wrap my mind around the fact that Bella would be in danger again. I kept running my hands through my hair as I sat with Emmett as he played video games.

"You're gonna go fucking bald dude." He muttered.

"Fuck you."

"What's wrong? You seem tense." He said not taking his fucking eyes off the TV.

"What are you gay? Fuck off." I said and he sighed and shook his head. Alice gracefully walked into the living room with a gossip magazine and an Anne Bradstreet poem collection book. That made no sense and I looked at her incredulously.

"What?" she smiled. "I have to get educated in both lit and gossip." I chuckled.

"Something is wrong with our brother Alice." Emmett said and I sighed in annoyance.

"There is nothing wrong, other than the usual, with Edward." Alice said and I glared at her.

"He left the party last night after one beer. That ain't fucking normal." Emmett said and Alice rolled her eyes.

"Maybe he was tired." She mumbled and opened her gossip magazine.

"Can you guys stop talking about me as if I wasn't here?" they both chuckled.

"How are things going with Bella? Are you close to…you know?" Emmett asked wiggling his eyebrows and I didn't know why, but I quickly looked at Alice who was no longer looking at her gossip magazine and instead, looked at me. She waited for my answer.

"It's going awesome." I said dryly without looking away from Alice.

"That's fucking great, bro." Emmett said and patted my back. Alice didn't blink.

What the fuck does want from me?

I violently got up and left and as I did, I heard Emmett mumble something about something being really wrong with me.

I walked outside my house and found Carlisle working on his classic car. I walked to him and he didn't stop working, but did acknowledge my presence my nodding at me.

"I thought Emmett was supposed to help you? Like a little father and son bullshit." I said and Carlisle sighed, probably annoyed with me.

"I'm working on the engine. It's a bit more complicated and he is working on the paint job." He said and I rolled my eyes.

"Whatever."

"Maybe you could help us."

"Pshh"

"It might teach you a thing or two about work and structure. We all need structure in life."

"I didn't come here to get lectured by you Carlisle." I muttered and he kept working, not looking at me.

"Okay. Why did you come for?" he asked and I suddenly felt the pressure in my head and the coward feeling of running away.

_Just ask him! You don't have to use names. He's a doctor. He deals with this crap all the time. He probably knows what to do._

"Um…" I stopped myself as I sounded like a damn broken pussy. "I uh…look you have to promise you won't tell anybody and you won't question me about who or when. Just promise me you'll give me the answers with no bullshit!" I said and he shook his head.

"Okay. Just don't expect me to know everything Edward. But I'll help you with whatever son."

"I know."

"It's good that you know." I sighed. "Okay, so what is the question?" My throat was dry and I couldn't find the words. I took a deep breath and walked a little closer to him so that I wouldn't have to yell.

"Um…I know someone…that uh…shit!" I said rubbing my neck and Carlisle kept working. "What can I do if I know someone that gets…that gets…you know…abused?" I whispered and Carlisle dropped his metal tool and I jumped. He grabbed a rag and wiped his hands and gave me all his attention.

"Sexual?" His face was serious now.

"No! Well…I don't know. All I know now is that it's physical. But it's fucking brutal."

"By who?"

"A family member. Don't ask what kind." He sighed.

"Is it daily abuse?"

"Yeah. How about bruises every day to prove it? What does that tell you?" he shook his head and looked down as he thought. "She might have also been to the hospital once because of it."

"The hospital should have done something about it."

"I know, but they didn't and I think it's because the fucked up motherfucker that did that shit to her has connections or made some bullshit up." I didn't know why, but I felt better by telling Carlisle. Maybe he could help me.

"Well, we could…"

"No we! She doesn't trust anybody." He didn't question it and continued.

"Well the child protective services should be alerted."

"No, that wouldn't work, she's 18."

"Is she being abused by her husband?"

"Not married." I said annoyed.

"Does she have a disability?"

"No"

"Is she sick, mentally or…"

"No dammit! She's normal and healthy."

"Does she live with the individual."

"Yes." I sighed, still not understanding why Bella still lived in that hell hole.

"Well…" he said and took a deep breath. "She could move out and alert the authorities." I wanted to yell at Carlisle, but he didn't know that _he_ was the authorities.

"She can't move out, she doesn't have money." That was probably why. It was plausible.

"Well there are shelters for battered women or..."

"No! Hell no. Why should she live in a fucking shelter when she isn't the one that's fucked up?"

"Well in the meantime. While the authorities do their investigation she can live there and in a safeguard where nobody can hurt her."

"Would they arrest the fucker?"

"Not right away. That's what the investigation is for."

"Then what will happen to her? How can she make sure that fucker doesn't go after her for retaliation?"

"She can get a restraining order against the perpetrator." He said and I could feel the anger boiling in my blood and I knew it wasn't Carlisle's fault and he didn't make up the laws and he was only trying to help me, but he was near and I needed to let it out.

"That's fucking bullshit! What is she supposed to do with that little piece of paper? Fucking make him shove it up his ass and then he'll go away? That's fucking bullshit!" I said and Carlisle tried to calm me down but as pulled away. "That's…that's just not right." I said and walked away.

"Son, you have to tell your friend that help is available. Do it before it's too late!" he said but I just kept walking.

I kept walking until I made it to the meadow.

I sat my ass down, still mad as hell. The sun hit me and it was a hot day, but I could care less.

It stared at the meadow ahead of me when I spotted someone walking through the trees. I didn't even have time to think about her and now there she was. I quickly stood up and ran to her.

"Bella!" I shouted and she turned to face me. A wide grin spread across her face and it was fucking contagious. I smiled myself.

"What are you doing here?" she asked. She was holding her sketchbook and had her orange backpack hanging around her shoulder. She was wearing a thin blue long sleeved shirt, probably trying to hide her bruises in the heat.

"I'm just…trying to cool down." I said, meaning I was pissed as hell and I didn't wanna take it out on my family, but Bella took it the other way.

"Me to! It's so weird when it gets hot here. But I know just the place to cool down!" she said excitedly and I couldn't help but laugh at her enthusiasm. It was cute. In the few weeks I've known Bella, I've hardly seen her so alive, but lately she almost seemed _too_ happy.

"Come on!" she said and grabbed my hand and led me through the woods. We sprinted for a few minutes when she finally stopped. She was clumsy, but definitely more athletic than me. I was breathing hard, but she was still smiling and calm as she led me deeper into the woods. She slipped and I rushed to her side just in time.

"Oh Bella, they are just leafs and twigs." I said taking her hand in mine and she slapped my arm with her free hand while she held her sketchbook under her arm.

"I'm unbalanced…mentally." She said playfully and I laughed loudly causing some birds to come out of their trees and she giggled hard. It wasn't until I intertwined our fingers that she stopped. She looked down at our hands and became silent. She looked forward as we walked and her face was serious.

I wondered if it bothered her or if she liked it.

I hoped she liked it.

I liked it.

Having physical contact with her just assured me she was safe. I wanted her safe. I was starting to obsess about it.

As we walked, she would glance at our hands and bite her lower lip. Our shoulders rubbed against each other and she would stop to make sure it was okay with me. I would smile at her and she would nod.

She finally led me to a lake, which I knew existed, but I didn't remember. She let go of my hand which drowned me in disappointment and ran to the edge of the lake. She took her sneakers off and sat down, placing her sketchbook on her side. She dipped her small feet into the water and patted the spot next to her.

"Come on Edward!" she said and I shook my head.

"That's gay. Who does that?"

"It is not gay. Besides, I do it and it feels good."

"Something might bite us."

"Nothing is going to bite us Edward. Don't be such a wussy."

"Did you just call me a pussy?" she giggled.

"No!"

"Why can't we just take a swim?"

"I can't swim remember?"

"Oh yeah! I can teach you! I promise I would."

"We aren't wearing the appropriate clothing. Just sit with me dammit!" she shouted and I finally gave in. I sat next to her and took my sneakers off, rolled my jeans up a little and placed my bare feet in the water. I moaned from the cold and when I finally relaxed, I turned to look at her. She was smiling at me.

"Alright, fine. It feels good." I mumbled and she clapped.

"About time you admit I'm right." She said and I playfully shoved her and she giggled. I was surprised she didn't jump or think I was trying to do something to her.

She trusted me.

"You wanna hear a story?"

"What am I five?"

"No, but a good story is a good story." She said and I rolled my eyes.

"Alright, what's the story."

"You know this lake used to be a river?"

"That's impossible."

"No, it's true. According to the legends of the Quileute."

"They're full of it." She sighed in annoyance and I chuckled.

"I forgot you like to piss me off!" she said and crossed her arms on her chest.

"I'm sorry. Finish the story."

"No."

"Finish the damn story!"

"No, go to hell."

"Bella!"

"What?"

"What's the story?" I whispered taking her hand in mine and she sighed. I intertwined our finger again.

"Anyway, this lake used to be a river. A wide and mighty river that nobody could cross. There was a Native woman with a child who one day decided to cross the river to see what was on the other side. You see, everyone would always say there were riches on the other side of the river. She wanted to see if it was true. So she crossed the river with her child in her arms. She didn't make it and drowned, but the baby boy floated to the other side."

"She wasn't a good mother." I mumbled, but Bella continued.

"The small boy was then found by some wolves and they raised him." I chuckled and she glared at me, but continued. "Anyway, one day he, now a young man, reached the river for a drink when he spotted a pretty girl. They fell in love right away, but had no ways of getting to each other. The girl and the boy cried every night to the gods to let them be together, but they weren't getting their wishes. The boy was desperate so he called on all the animals in the woods and they created a mass uproar. He was angry, so angry that the gods decided to punish him and the animals by destroying the river leaving a hole in the ground. The girl and the animals died of thirst and the boy stayed behind to suffer. After her death, the gods made it rain and the small hole left from the river was filled with water." She finished and shook her head and I chuckled.

"That was the most depressing thing I've ever heard." She smiled and shook her head.

"It's just a story to show that we shouldn't be selfish and wreck everything, even for love. You gotta learn when to give up for the one you love."

"I don't believe that."

"You don't have to."

"Who told you that story anyway?"

"Oh…some old friends, Jacob and Leah. They were Native American, from the Quileute tribe."

"Were?"

"I mean they are. I just don't talk to them anymore. They stopped talking to me." She said and seemed saddened by this. She looked down at our hands again.

"Well you don't need friends like that. Bullshit, that they just stopped talking to you like that."

"It was my fault."

"So? Friends aren't supposed to fuck off when we make mistakes." I said squeezing her hand and she smiled at me. We stayed in silence for a while she splashed her feet in the water.

"Are…we…um…uh…can I ask you something?" she said, finally breaking the silence and I nodded. "Uh…are we…are we friends?" she asked and seemed like she almost regretted asking.

I didn't know what to say. I mean I knew, I just couldn't find the words. I paused.

"Nevermind, I'm so stupid and childish." She said shaking her head and blushing a bright red. She took her hand out of mine and I quickly grabbed it back.

"We are friends." I strongly said and she looked at me again.

"Really?" she asked and her little mouth fell open and I smiled at her.

"Yeah. You've helped me and I will help you. Just like friends do. We even have fucking sleepovers." I said and she giggled.

"You probably don't wanna tell anybody. I swear I won't." she said and I sighed in annoyance.

"Bella, I thought you were the only one that didn't think shit like that about me…anymore."

"No, it's just that you once said…"

"Fuck what I said."

"But your friends?" she said and I remembered those assholes.

"The only reason we should keep this in the down-low, is because my friends are assholes, Bella. If they know they will probably torture you and I doubt you want that. I already told you that I have your back. Its no longer a deal, it's a fucking duty. A friendship duty. Alright!"

"Okay" she simply said and I squeezed her hand.

"I expect for you to use that phone I gave you, friend." I said and she smiled.

"I've tried, but I've never had a cell phone before."

"What?" I shouted and she rolled her eyes. "Oh…yeah."

We spent an hour by the lake while I taught her how to use and play with her phone which she was carrying in her pocket. I don't know why that made me feel so proud.

I walked her back to her house. I was seriously going to lose some weight with all this walking I was doing to her house.

"Um, I'll see you later." She said and started walking towards her house, when I grabbed her hand.

"Wait." I said and she stopped.

"What?"

"Now…" I took a deep breath. "Now that we are friends, aren't we supposed to hug goodbye or something." I said and I couldn't look at her in the face while I said it.

_What the fuck are you doing pussy?_

_I want a fucking hug!_

"Um…"

"I mean you have to remember that I'm an asshole and you aren't so this friendship thing is new to me. You have to help me." I said and she smiled.

"Yeah…I guess we can hug if…" before she could finish I pulled her into my chest and wrapped my arms her small and warm body. She smelled of woods and strawberries.

Fucking strawberries.

I felt her small arms wrap around my waist and she gently ran her hands up my back and up to my shoulders and I shivered. It felt good. I pulled away and smiled at her, trying to dazzle her and it worked as she blushed. I pulled her back in for another hug. This time I held her even tighter and placed my lips to her ear.

"Just promise me you'll keep yourself safe Bella. And if anything happens, text or call me. Please. Please promise me. Please." I didn't understand the urgency and desperation in my voice.

"I promise." She whispered into my chest and I gave her one last squeeze, as if that would assure me that she would be safe.

She had to be safe.

After dinner with my family, I headed to my room and grabbed my cell phone and selected Bella from my contacts and sent her a text.

_Hey new friend. _

I pressed the button and I felt so stupid. I should've sent her something deep or funny. Instead I sounded like a douche. I waited to get her answer, but I just found myself staring at the screen like a moron. She was probably asleep or away from her phone. She didn't really know all that well how to text, maybe its taking her some time to answer.

After a few minutes, I gave up and placed my phone on my night stand and turned my TV on when suddenly the phone vibrated loudly scaring the shit out of me. I grabbed it excitedly as I saw _Bella _on the screen and pressed the _Read_ button.

My breathing stopped and my joy left the room and died as I read the words in the text message.

_He's back…please help._

**I know I know, a damn cliffy after such a long wait for this chapter. I should be slapped, but with angry comments! Haha**

**Don't be too mad. I have already started on the next chapter and it's a shorter one so that means a faster update.**

**Thanks for the lovely comments and to those who have just found my story and commented on every freaking chapter, you're freaking amazing. I would buy you a Happy Meal, but I'm a broke college student and naturally cheap, but I do send you imaginary hugs.**

**Again, thank you so much ****crazyj9girl for the cool banner. **

**If you haven't seen it, go to my profile and click on the first banner link. There are two and both are awesome.**

**P.S I loved Eclipse (even Stew's wig), but it's over so I'm back to writing!**


	15. The Book Club

**So…um I love reviews. You know that already. Haha Someone proposed to me on per review. So, even though I don't believe in marriage, book Bella style (secretly I do), I want to tell that person that yes. I will marry you, but we have to get to 400 reviews haha. I know I'm a "B" word.**

**Enough silly and on with the serious. **

**The next two chapters contain strong and I do mean "strong" violence. I would ask you to turn away if you can't handle this kind of stuff, but its important to the story as these next two chapters are the final turning point…well there will be other turning points, but these two are the real start. It will be the relief to some of you who have been begging to know what the heck happened to Bella when she was 13 and I will answer your questions. I promise.**

**Yes, more angst after fluff, but this is an **_**angst **_**story. **_**This ain't no Disney channel**_**. But something good can come out of something bad. In example, Bella came from her damn parents. **

**Warning: Strong language and violence in this chapter.**

_Chapter 15/Bella/ The Book Club_

Edward Cullen was my friend.

He said he was.

I didn't know how to take that or what to think of it.

The question had come out of my mouth in an impulsive move. I asked him if we were friends. I mean, how pathetic am I? It was just that we had spent so much time together and what had been going on between us had to be something. I hoped it was not just some weird bond we formed because we both had been there for each other when were in moments of complete fuckery. He couldn't just stick around because I fixed him up or because he felt bad for my shithole of a life.

I hope he doesn't.

There had to be another motive behind it all. I wanted there to be. I didn't want Edward's pity or for him to think he had some kind of responsibility to protect me from the demons that I lived with because he had seen some of it the shit I went through. That would mean that I had lost at life and I was too prideful and scared to admit that I needed help. Help meant I couldn't make it on my own which meant I was a failure and happiness and life were things that weren't meant for me and I refused to believe that. I hated to believe that.

I just needed someone.

_No, not like that._

I just needed someone to show me that my friendship was worth something, because then that would mean that I was still Bella. I was still that girl with dreams and ambitions that could make someone smile or give someone joy. His friendship meant I was not just some broken girl with no chances in hell to survive or to have life. His friendship meant I was still alive.

I was not another shit _lifetime_ movie.

I was not going to be _that_ girl. I refused to be _that _girl, that girl that loses and everybody feels bad for.

By giving me his friendship, without realizing it, Edward had given me something to push me forward. It probably didn't mean too much to him, but it meant the world to me. I needed Edward.

I trusted him.

I decided it.

After all, I had nothing to lose.

_Right?_

Edward held my hand as we walked by to my house. I said _he_ held mine because once I had started walking, Edward quickly caught up to me and took my small hand in his larger, manlier hand without asking. I didn't mind, but my insecurities wondered why he did. Holding hands had become a "normal" thing for us, but looking at Edward's perfect jaw line and his amazing green eyes and his messy, but beautiful hair, I immediately remembered it was _my_ hand that he holding. I would then feel unworthy of his hand and if he wasn't holding my hand so tightly I would have pulled it away.

_I'm ridiculous. I know._

Friends hug each other, right? I mean, Jacob and me would do it all the time. How about friends like me and Edward? Is it normal?

I really didn't care when Edward asked me to hug him and though a million questions came up to my mind, all I could do was wrap my arms around his body. I inhaled his smell and felt the softness of his shirt against my cheek. His body pushed my glasses into my face and it was sort of painful, but I ignored it. Pain had no power over the good this made me feel. This felt good. Hugging Edward felt very good.

My traitorous body let out a broken sigh and I wondered if he noticed. He gently pulled himself away a little while still holding me. I was worried that he had heard me and would tease me, but instead Edward smiled down at me and I could feel all the blood rushing to my cheeks. I was ridiculous beyond belief.

He pulled me in for another hug and held me even tighter. I didn't understand his sudden need to hold me tight, but I went along with it mainly because he was too strong for me to pull away and he seemed to need it.

He placed his lips to my ear and it caused chills to run up my body.

"Just promise me you'll keep yourself safe Bella. And if anything happens, text or call me. Please. Please promise me. Please." His pleading voice and desperation caught me off guard. I wondered if I had caused this in him and immediately felt guilty. He was worried and he didn't deserve it. This was my world, not his. I was really fucking it up for him.

"I promise." I whispered as my voice didn't let me assure him further. I was so damn weak and scared. I was scared that I would need to find him and on top of that, I was drowning in guilt.

Later that day, my mother called to let me know she would get home late. She was out with Phil again. I asked where she was and she just laughed, ignoring my question, saying she was having fun. That didn't answer my question, but we were running out of food and I was worried for her.

_Doesn't she worry for me?_

She didn't even let me ask her anything else or say goodbye and ended the call. I wanted to throw the phone across the house, but I quickly remembered that Father wouldn't be too pleased about that. My mother wouldn't care.

_Is it normal to have so much anger bottled up for the person that gave birth to you?_

It's not.

I hate myself for it.

I dug around the fridge, hoping to find something that didn't involve me defrosting or using the microwave, but all I did find was a damn Hot Pocket. I ate my Hot Pocket with a glass of pretty old orange juice in the kitchen.

I wish I had money. I wish I could buy me some actual food. I do too much wishing and not enough action.

I burnt my tongue, because that's the usual when eating a damn Hot Pocket and decided that tap water would be better than old orange juice. The house was silent and I was alone. Though I was use to it, after spending so much time with Edward, loneliness was starting to ache in the corners of my chest. I stared at the last piece of my Hot Pocket and listened to the noises the old house made by itself.

I wondered what Edward was doing which led me to wonder about what he had said to me about our friendship. He said I helped him and that is why he would help me. I hoped he wasn't my friend, because he felt he owed me. I didn't want him to owe me anything. I tortured myself for minutes, until I decided that just sitting in the lonely kitchen was going to drive me crazy.

More than I already am.

I cleaned my mess up and I was about to go up to my room so I could draw, when I heard and felt a vehicle drive up to my house. I froze on the first step and held my breath instinctively. I turned around to see the headlights of a vehicle through the living room window and since it was dark outside, I couldn't see who it was. My hands began to tremble and the ache in my stomach reminded me that I could be in danger.

This is ridiculous; I should be use to it by now.

The vehicle's engine shut off and hurried footsteps reached the door. The person on the outside had a key and of course there were only two people besides me that had keys to this house. I only feared one of them.

The person struggled to get the door unlocked and I wished that I could move my frozen body, but the fear and panic disabled me. I stared as the door knob shook and the keys jingled. My heart beat was in my throat and I had forgotten how to breathe. I could feel the need for oxygen in my aching and burning lungs. I could hear a scratching noise and it wasn't until I felt pain in my finger tips that I realize it was me digging my nails into the wood of the staircase's rail.

Finally, the door swung open and I found my worried and distraught mother holding onto her bag for dear life. She walked in and shut the door behind her and walked up to me. I would have taken a breath of relief that it was just mom, but the red in my mother's eyes and the mess that was her hair, only made it worse. She was shaking and her breathing was heavy. I was still on the first step so I was now a little taller than her. She took my hands in her shaky hands and took a deep breath before speaking.

"Bella baby," she looked around and then back at me. "Bella baby, I want you to go up to your room and lock the door. If you hear…"

"Mom, what's wrong? What's going on?" I whispered afraid that I would be heard by whatever she was trying to hide me from. Her eyes were wide in panic and her hands shook with mine in them.

"Baby, just do what I say." She said and pushed me back causing me to take a few steps up the stairs. She stood on the first step while still holding my hands in hers. "Just go to your room and don't come out, until I say its okay. If you hear anything, ignore it. Don't try to anything stupid." She said and I turned around to go to my room.

I slowly walked up the rest of the steps, unsure of what was going on. I felt like a coward. I should face whatever it was that my mother was going to face. I should be there with her.

I made it to my room and locked it like my mother had ordered. I paced around my room, waiting for hell to start. I was so tense and nervous, that my body ached at how hard I was shaking.

_Was Father coming back?_

I could feel the Hot Pocket threatening to come up. I held my stomach and took deep breaths to calm myself down. I sat at the edge of my bed unsure of what to do.

Suddenly, another vehicle drove up to the house. I bolted to my balcony door so I could see.

It was _Him._

He looked tired and his clothes were a wrinkled mess, but worst of all he looked drunk. He walked into the house with a beer bottle in one hand a rage in his face that I knew would follow him in. I sat back down with my heart in my throat and my breathing gone.

It was silent for a moment.

Too silent.

Suddenly I heard the door fly open, hitting the wall.

"Renee!" His voice was muffled since I was upstairs, but I could still feel and hear the rage in his voice. I could still feel the heat of his anger. "Renee! You fucking bitch!" he yelled and I started rocking back and forth while holding my stomach.

His heavy footsteps wandered around the floor. I heard another door fly open.

"You fucking whore!" he yelled followed by the screaming of my mother. I ran to my door and placed my ear against the door. "The fucking book club? You're fucking that motherfucker, aren't you? I swear on my fucked up mother's grave Renee, you're going to feel every ounce of regret on your fucking face if you don't start talking!" he barked and all I could hear from my mother was her sobbing.

I wanted to do something. I had to save mom.

_That's what you tried to do last time. Remember? How did that end up?_

I ignored my inner voice. It was just trying to warn me, but Renee was my mother. I couldn't just sit in this damn room while _He_ kills her!

_And if anything happens, text or call me._

Edward's velvety voice came to me as a gift sent by god.

I ran to my nightstand and grabbed my phone.

He taught me how to use it, but I had never tried to actually use it.

I turned it on, finding a message on the screen.

_One Text Message_

I clicked the _Read _button and found a message from Edward.

_Hey new friend_

This would have made me excited or even jump up from the joy, but there was no time for that. I pushed the _Reply_ button and in that moment heard another scream from my mother.

"So having dinner with the book club? Why was that piece of shit the only one there, Renee?"

I turned back to my phone and when the blank screen came up, I began typing my message. I wanted to ask him to help me and for him to get help. All I got to type was _He's back. Please Help _when I heard a loud thud hit the floor.

I pressed the _send_ button and I didn't wait to get my confirmation message and ran to my door, forgetting my phone on the nightstand. I unlocked my door and ran to the top of the stairs. I took a few steps down and found my mother on the floor with Father with of his knees on her stomach. One of his large hands was on her face, pushing her head into the wooden floor.

"You aren't fucking talking, Renee! I need you to talk. I want you to dare yourself. I want you to defend yourself or make up some bullshit up. Are you fucking that piece of fuck?" He spat into her face and the artery in his neck popped out. Mom whimpered and begged him to leave her alone, but her pleading was ignored by Father. "You aren't going anywhere, you fucking whore! I work all fucking week and bring food to the fucking table while you fuck that piece of shit! You fucking whore!" He yelled making me jump. My body had not moved another inch since finding my parents, but now I could feel the fear aching in my bones.

He took my mother by the neck and began strangling her and slammed her head into the floor. Mother was still whimpering and pleading, but wasn't fighting back.

It pissed me off.

I ran to Father and jumped on his back, wrapping my arms around his neck. He groaned and stood up with me on his back.

"Get off her! Leave her alone!" I shouted while he struggled to find his balance while I was on his back. He tried moving my arms off his neck, but my adrenalin gave me unthinkable strength. I was so small compared to him and I knew I wasn't going to win, but at least I would give him a fight _this time_.

Father finally found his balance on his feet and swung me around his back.

"Get off me you bitch!" he yelled, but I was not giving in. He grabbed my hair with one hand and swung me around again and this time, I lost my grip on his neck. I felt my body slip of his and with a hard thud fell on the floor. I fell, stomach first into the hard wooden floor and my glasses flew off my face.

I rolled around the floor, winded, I gasped for air, but it was no use. I couldn't see anything. Not only was it dark, but I had lost my glasses. I tried to drag myself to them, when I found them, but I couldn't breathe and my body ached. I gasped harder while dragging myself to my glasses and fought to get to them, but suddenly heavy foot steps walked closer to me. He crashed my glasses with his boots and grabbed me by my hair. He dragged me across the floor until he felt that I had enough and let drop. I grunted, but didn't have enough time to bask in the pain as he grabbed me by the hair again.

"Apparently, you never learned your fucking lesson!" he screamed into my face and I could smell the beer in his breath. "Say you're a retard! Say it!" he slapped my right upper arm and I winced, he wasn't holding back. "Say it Isabella. Say it!" He slapped my arm again, a little harder and I whimpered. His hand stung and sent vibrations of pain through the length of my entire arm and mind. The other side of my body was numbed by the fear and by the pain my right side was experiencing. He slapped my arm a few more times and something in me wanted to ask him to at least hit my left arm and that I needed my right arm to draw. But I wouldn't have such luxury.

When he realized I still, wasn't going to "say it", he took me by my neck and pulled me up to my feet, with one hand in my hair. I screamed in pain, but that didn't faze him. I tried pulling away, but he was too strong.

His eyes were full of hate and rage. Sweat ran down his face and I was disgusted by him. I hated him. I hated him with all the fury from hell. I hated my own father. I was ashamed of that, but right now if I had the power and strength, I would kill him.

I would kill him.

I turned to look at my mom to see if she was okay.

She was.

She was sitting with her legs crossed while just staring at me, with no emotion in her face. No worry.

No worry at all.

_Mom, please help me._

I don't know if I really said it. I was too overwhelmed by the pain in my body and the disbelief at my mother. My mind was clouded with desperation and panic. I don't know if I begged her for help. I did when I was thirteen, I said it a hundred times, but she never moved. She never budged or tried.

She never tried.

She never tried to save me.

I hated her.

"Maybe, next time…" Father said gripping my neck tightly. I was still looking at my mother. She was still motionless. She still didn't move. "Maybe next time, Isabella. You'll learn to mind your own fucking business you little bitch."

I knew what was coming.

I could already feel it.

But my soul held hope. A little hope.

"Mom!" I cried, but she looked down in shame. I could feel the tears running down my cheeks and his breathing in my face. Mom's white flag and lack of fight for me, her own daughter, hurt more than what Father was surely to do to me. Because of that, I welcomed it in.

"Look at me!" he shouted and I did what I was told.

He took his right hand off my neck, but pulled it high into the air. His hand formed a fist and my heart stopped.

I knew it was coming.

I didn't flinch or try to move away.

I stared at his hairy fist and waited for it.

I took it.

I took it. I swear I did.

The last thing I remembered was falling on the floor again while my mother's screeching screams filled the house and my mind.

Then the darkness took me and embraced me into its familiar cold and hard arms.

_Where are you Edward?_

* * *

**I know, another cliffy, but I have to keep you interested. Besides, what happens next is longer and has to be in EPOV or you'll never know why the story takes the turn its going to take.**

**And I need reviews to feed my ego. Someone sent me a personal message saying I deserved thousands of reviews. Well, that person fed my ego and I'm asking you to review like crazy. Even you that just lurk. Yeah You! I know who you are, because I do the same with other stories bahaha.**

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**P.S Please check out The Twinklings, edwardrocksmysocks recommended my story on their website which is pretty cool. I've never been recommended for anything in my life. Maybe the rest of you can whore me around! Please! You can find more info on Twinklings by going to edwardrocksmysocks' profile.**

**Until next time!**


	16. I'll Bring You Back

**WOW! **

**So last chapter, you showed me some love! I mean REAL LOVE. Some love with a little anger because I left you with a cliffhanger, but still…LOVE. **

**I thank you from the bottom of my small heart. Writing is the only thing I'm sort of good at in life and it makes me feel amazing that some of you love it too. I actually have a knot in my throat and tears in my eyes (not really, I'm just theatrical).**

**Anyway, again I do warn, this chapter contains violence and strong, abusive language. It will be the most violent out of the whole story. I'm sure I'm spoiling it, but writing violence that is abuse on a child or a woman or anybody is exhausting and emotionally draining. It's hard and I'm pretty sure it's difficult for you to read. So just for your own relief and mine, this is as bad as it gets. There is still some "violent crap" in the future, but like I said before, something good can come from something bad.**

_Ch 16/Edward/ I'll Bring You Back_

I shoved my phone into a pocket of my jeans and ran down stairs. I looked around for Carlisle or maybe even Emmett. Either of the two would be helpful in kicking the shit out of that motherfucker. Well Emmett would and Carlisle would know what to do, "legally."

Esme and Alice were in the kitchen, blabbering about a reality TV show while washing dishes together. But there was no sign of Emmett or Carlisle.

"Mom, where's Carlisle?" I asked breathlessly and Esme turned and looked at me. It had been the first time we had spoken in days, but this was no time for stupid grudges or feelings that were still hurt. Besides with the panic in my voice, I think both Alice and Esme also saw it in my face and forgot how I've been acting as of late.

"He had to go to the hospital. They had some emergency and they were short of staff." Esme said with a questioning face.

"What?"

_It couldn't possibly be Bella, I mean I just got her text message!_

"Is there something wrong? Do you need anything?" Esme asked. Both she and Alice had stopped washing the dishes and their attention was fully on me.

"Where's Emmett?"

"He went out with Rosalie." Alice answered in her small voice.

"Of course that fucker did!" I yelled and both girls jumped. I ran my hands through my hair, thinking of what to do. I know I was pacing and scaring the shit out of both of them.

"Edward, what's wrong? Answer me son." Esme said, and though I didn't want to upset her anymore, I couldn't possibly tell her now. I couldn't worry her and Bella hadn't told me if it was okay to tell anybody else. Besides, what could Esme possibly do?

"Nothing mom, but I might be late tonight." I turned away, ignoring Esme's questions and Alice's looks. I took the keys to my Volvo and headed out.

I needed to get there.

I needed to help her.

I didn't have time to wait on others. If I had to act alone, I would. I would act alone and risk my neck if it meant that fucker wouldn't put another finger on Bella. He could kick my ass again, but not hers.

Before I left, I ran into the garage, knowing Emmett had left his baseball bat behind. I took it, making sure Esme and Alice weren't looking. They would probably call the cops on me, and that's the last thing I need. I sped my way to the Swan residence and even though it wasn't a long drive, my nerves and impatience made it seem like an eternity. I lost my breathing again and my heart pounded in my ears as I neared Bella's house. As I spotted the white, two story house, I quickly scanned the area for the _demon's_ cruiser, but there were no signs of it.

I passed the Swans and parked in front of the neighbor's house and ran to Bella's tree with the baseball bat in one hand. As I ran, I tripped on something and fell belly first into the ground. I groaned and shouted some profanities, but pulled myself up in a fucking hurry. I climbed the tree in record time. Fucking Spider-Man didn't have shit on me.

I landed with a loud thud on Bella balcony and took one last look around too see if anybody on the outside had spotted me or of the _demon's_ cruiser had appeared, but I was still safe.

For now.

I peaked into Bella's room, but couldn't see shit. Her usual study lamp was off and it was dark as hell. I lightly knocked on the balcony door, but got no response back. I squinted one more time, hoping I could catch something, but it was fucking ridiculous because I couldn't. A neighbor's dog started barking, making me jump and I cursed again.

"Fuck…" I muttered.

I took a deep breath and decided to stop being a pussy and fucking get into the house. I pulled the balcony door open and slowly and cautiously stepped into Bella's room. Her scent of strawberries hit my face and I would have smiled at the familiar smell, but I was fucking scared of what I could find.

The room was too dark and I hit my knee on something, making me curse again, but this time in a whisper. I quickly rubbed the spot on my knee.

"Bella!" I whispered-shouted, but there was no feedback. "Bella!" I said one more time, but it was no use. I was filled with an eerie feeling and I couldn't fucking catch my breath. I felt the sweat beads running down my face and my heart was in my fucking throat.

I moved my free hand around, touching the walls, trying to find the light switch in Bella's room and in the process knocked over some of her drawings. I finally found the fucking light switch and sighed as the light came on, but as I turned around to face the room again, I felt the air leave my lungs and my fucking heart stop. I fucking jumped back, not expecting to find her.

But there she was.

Bella.

She was on the floor by her door, rolled into a small ball. Her arms were wrapped around her head as if she was trying to cover her ears and from where I was standing, it didn't look like she was breathing. It didn't help that my eyes were now foggy and I was about to fucking pass out.

I gently placed the baseball bat on the ground and made my way to her. I don't know how I made my feet move or how I got my mind to react, but I fucking did. I kneeled beside her and I hovered over her.

"Bella!" I said in a desperate whisper. I couldn't see her face as it was covered by her brown curled hair and her arms. She was lying on her side, so I gently placed a hand on her ribs. I could feel that she was slowly breathing and her slow heart beat.

"Shit! Bella!" I whispered louder, unsure of who was in the house. "Bella! Fucking answer me!" I was so concentrated on trying to get a response that I ignored the desperation in my voice and the blood rushing to my head.

I ran my hand up to her right arm and gently started pulling it away from her face.

"Mother of…" Bella was wearing a tank top and I was sure the large red, soon to be blue, spots on her arm were fucking new.

With all the tenderness in the world, I placed her arm on her side, but her face was still covered by her hair. My heavy breaths were blowing some strands off. I quickly moved hair off her face and gasped as her eyes were slightly open and her face was wet.

"Bella?" I said again, but Bella didn't blink or acknowledge me. "Hey…" I whispered, but she just stared off into the nothingness. "Bella, fucking come back. Not this shit again! Please snap out of it! Please…please Bella." I almost choked on my saliva. I placed a hand under her head and sat down. I pulled her into my lap and the rest of her hair came off her face.

I was too fucking late.

Bella's left eye was swollen. A large red bruise started from the bottom of her eyebrow, covering her eye lid and part of her nose, all the way to the top of her cheek bone.

"Fuck Bella! He fucking punched you?" I held Bella's face in my hands. The damn blank expression took over her face. Her eyes, slightly opened, stared straight into the fucking nothingness and her mouth was closed shut. She was not blinking, making her eyes red and dry. Her face was tear stained and wet and all I could do was shake her, but her limp body didn't respond.

"Bella, please wake up! Snap out of it! Please!" My voice broke, but I kept begging. I pulled her small, limp body closer to me. I wrapped an arm under her back and with my free hand, caressed her face, moving her wet hair away from her face. "Bella! I swear to the fucking…please. Please. Please. Come back…come back Bella." I cried.

I fucking cried.

Tears spilled out of my eyes onto her pretty but broken face. "Bella, just please…for me." I cried into her hair. I kissed the top of her head and hugged her to my body. I started to rock and back forth and placing light kisses on her forehead. "What do I do, _my_ Bella? Just tell me and I'll fucking do it." This wasn't working. Bella wasn't answering me. I couldn't just brake down.

"I'll fix you!" I cried and gently took her off my lap and stood up with her in my arms. It fucking hurt since I was just barely getting over _my_ aching bruises, but I didn't give a shit. I rushed to her bed, gently placing a pillow under her small head. I sat at the edge and hovered over her. I placed my lips into her ear. Maybe I could still pull her away from that fucking place she goes to when she blanks out.

"I'm gonna make it go away _my_ Bella. I fucking promise!" I whispered into her ear while I held her hand. I kissed her forehead again and she let out a broken sigh making me look down at her face. She had her eyes closed and with one more sigh and whimper tears began flowing down her cheeks. She slowly opened her eyes again to face me. Her brown eyes were so broken and I wanted to fucking kill Charles.

He fucking broke her!

Bella had been so alive these last few days and that piece of shit broke her!

He had to pay.

Bella was still blank as I let go of her hand and walked to the bat on the floor. I quickly picked it up and took one last look at her. She wasn't even looking at me. I sighed in frustration.

"I'm gonna make it go away. I'm gonna make it go away, Bella." I repeated and headed out her room.

Something in me had snapped. The anger took over me. It took over my mind and body. The need for vengeance was overwhelming. I wanted that motherfucker to pick on someone his own size. I wanted him to be a man and face me.

I held on to the bat with all my fucking might as I walked down the stairs of Bella's house. It was fucking quiet and dark and even though the cruiser wasn't outside, I hoped to god I would find that piece of shit so I could fucking give him a taste of his own medicine. I wanted to make him pay for the shit he did to Bella. I wanted to break his face. I wanted to break every fucking bone in his body. I wanted to break _him_. I had never felt so much rage and I could feel my body shaking to the point of pain. As I inhaled and exhaled deep breaths, I could feel my own saliva on my chin. Tears kept running down my face.

_What the fuck is wrong with me? Man up! Bella needs you "to make it go away". So quit crying you pussy._

_She fucking needs me._

I rubbed my eyes with my sleeve as my tears had now made it foggy.

I reached the bottom and looked around again. No sign of the fucking demon. There was broken glass on the floor and it wasn't until I neared it, that I realized it was from Bella's glasses as the frame lay beside the glass.

_Fucking asshole._

It was dark, but some moonlight was coming through the windows lighting the living room. I ran up to a window and looked for any sign of Bella's fucked up parents, but there were no vehicles outside, besides Bella's truck. Apparently the fucked up _demon_ wasn't home and there were no signs of Bella's mom.

So they fucking commit fucking crimes and then runaway? How fucking convenient! I felt like standing by the door, just to wait for the fucking_ demon_ so I could beat the shit out of him, but Bella needed me.

_Where the hell was her mom? Shouldn't she be with her?_

I spotted the kitchen and slowly made my way into it with my bat ready to knock the fuck out of anybody or anyone. I couldn't see shit. I could barely make the refrigerator out. I yanked it open for some light when I remembered that Bella could use some ice.

I looked around the freezer trying to find some ice, but there was nothing. I spotted a Hot Pocket and a bag of frozen peas. It was all they had. For someone reason, that pissed me off as well.

I grabbed both the Hot Pocket and the frozen pees. I opened the bottom and there was nothing but beer bottles. I almost fucking yelled, but I kept it together. I looked around, making sure I was still alone and rushed to the stairs. The bag of frozen peas was slipping out of my hands, so in the fight to grab it, the fucking bat slipped out of my hands, hitting the floor and rolling into the living room. My heart and my breathing stopped. I froze my body.

"Shit!" I gasped. _What If someone heard that? What if someone is here?_

I waited for a minute, waiting for someone to come running into the living room to see what the fuck was the noise, but there was still silence. It was too dark and I wasn't going to look for Emmett's bat and it would be fucking stupid to turn on the lights.

"Aw fuck it!" I whispered angrily and ran up the rest of the stairs. I barged into Bella's room without thinking about it. Bella gasped and jumped a little.

"No!" she yelped and covered her head with her arms.

She was sitting on her bed, with her knees up to her chest, hugging them close. She looked scared out of her fucking mind, but most importantly, she was back.

"Bella! Shit, you alright?" I dropped the peas and the Hot Pocket and rushed to her side.

"Edward? What…how…when did you get here?" She asked in a low and broken voice. She dropped her arms from her head. Her face was still wet and her eyes were still red. She was shaking and her lower lip was trembling. I sat at the edge of her bed and gently placed my palm to her cheek trying to calm her and reassure that I was here. She closed her eyes and let out a broken sigh. I gently caressed the good side of her face with my thumb and neared my face to her even closer.

"I got your message and I fucking ran over here…well drove."

"You…came?" she whispered, more tears escaped her eyes at the surprise. Shit, I was surprised. I wasn't surprised that I wanted to help Bella, I was surprised that I actually thought about someone else's well being besides my own.

"Yes." I took a deep breath. "I told you I would." I was shocked at how broken my own voice sounded. I could hear the knot in my throat and the desperation in my breath.

_I fucking let her down. I was too fucking late_. _We both should have known that I'm not hero material._

"You did." She agreed in a low whisper and opened her eyes. She looked at me in the face and placed her small shaky hand on my own cheek, cupping it. We started into each others watery eyes for a long moment, before I grabbed her small hands in mine.

"Are you hurt? I mean I know you are…but do you want anything? I mean your eye is swollen." I said and she gulped. She slowly took one of her hands out of my hold and ran her finger tips over her swollen cheek and eye and winced. "I brought something cold." I said and ran to the peas and Hot Pocket and rushed back to her side. I gently placed the Hot Pocket over her eye and she hissed in pain. "It's gonna make it better." I said and she took over the Hot Pocket leaving my hands free.

We stayed in silence. She probably needed it. She looked exhausted, but I had to know. I had to do something.

"Bella…" I whispered, but she didn't look at me. "Bella, what happened? And you have to tell me, no later crap! Tell me Bella!" I begged and without looking at me in the face Bella began.

"I think my mother is cheating on Father…again." She grimaced. "Father found out and I'm so fucking stupid! I just got in the way. I got in the way of his fist…again."

"How? What…" I was still so fucking confused and fucking pissed. I could feel the heat in my face, my fast palpitations, and heavy breathing. My blood boiled and I ached to get my hands on that motherfucker's face.

"I was knocked out." She said pointing at her eye. "I don't even know how I got to my room! I don't know what happened after. Shit! Where is my mom? Oh my god! Did he leave her alone? How do you get in here and how did you get into my kitchen? Edward if he finds you…what if comes back?" Bella had finally awoken and lost it all at once.

"Shh! Bella calm down." I said trying to sound comforting and calm. Thing was, I wasn't calm. I was fucking enraged. "Your parents aren't here. I went down to find _him_, but there is nobody. I wish I had found him."

"What?"

"I wanted to kick his ass Bella. He can't do shit like that. Someone has to make him pay and I will gladly volunteer to do so. How fucking dare he? How dare he touch you? I would fucking kill him Bella. I would tear him apart. I would kill him for you." I said and stood up. I felt like the anger was going to suffocate me and if I didn't get away from her, I was sure I would scare her even more. I ran my hands through my hair and huffed and puffed and I tried to calm myself, but I could feel the anger running through my body and taking over.

"Edward, don't say that!" she shouted.

"Why? I fucking mean it." I paced back and forth.

"No you don't. Besides, he could hurt you. I could never live with that. He can't hurt you. Not you. No…no…no he can't hurt you…he just can't…" Bella's face crumbled and she began to rock back and forth. "He can't hurt you. Not you!" She gasped one more time.

"Oh Bella…" I sighed in frustration. I closed the door to her room and locked it. I rushed to Bella's side, this time sitting next to her on the bed so I could take her in my arms. She let go of the now semi-frozen Hot Pocket and buried her face into my chest and wrapped her arms around my waist. I held her tight and kissed her head while she sobbed. The need in her grip was somewhat painful, but if it made her feel better, I would take it.

"You can't kill him Edward. It's not like you and he could hurt you. You can't Edward. I can't lose uh um…you can't get hurt" She sniffed. I kissed her head again and held her even tighter. It was as if holding her tight would keep her from shattering into pieces. But, I think it also kept me from shattering.

She held me together. We held each other together.

"I'm not going to kill him Bella. I was just pissed and it was word vomit. I'm still pissed, but I'm trying not to scare you anymore. You don't need that. I'm sorry. I should have been here for you Bella. I should have kicked that piece of shit in the face."

"Don't! They'll believe him because he's a cop and he'll hurt you or…me and…you just can't."

"I won't…for now. But we have to do something. I don't know…we could tell my parents. We could call someone from the state and let them what kind of piece of shit chief of police they have around here. I don't know…something! Please!"

"Edward," she whispered into my chest. "I've lived through this, time after time and even worse all my life. Over time, with knowledge of the truth, it hurts a little more, but I'm exhausted. Its bullshit when people say bad things don't kill you and only they make you stronger. Bad things break you down. That's worse than dying. They make you tired and I'm tired Edward." She let out a deep breath. "I'm tired."

"Well I'm not!" I shouted. "I'm fucking full of energy and we are going to get help."

"Edward, just stop it! I don't deserve it."

"What? Are you fucking serious? Why would you even think that? You don't deserve an ounce of _this_!" I said pointing around. "Why would you think…I don't understand. And why are you still in this hell hole? Why don't you runaway? I could…I mean I could help you." I whispered the last part and Bella said nothing. I held her tighter again as we had loosened our hold on each other with our conversation. I buried my face into her hair and inhaled. In the middle of all this shit, Bella still smelled like amazing strawberries. I inhaled a deep breath of her beautiful scent and kissed her head…yet again.

"I don't deserve help, because it's too late. I'm already ruined." She whispered and I was about to argue with her because she was seriously pissing me off, when Bella cut me off to continue.

"He started pulling, tugging, and pushing me around when I was six. A little after that he started using verbal abuse. He would tell me I was stupid and retarded and he would make me say it. He would make me tell myself that I was stupid in his presence. I didn't know any better or that he was a lunatic so I would say it, because I believed him. He would laugh and then…he would push me and repeat that I was in_ fact_ stupid and a retard." I clenched my jaw. I wanted for her to continue; maybe we could get somewhere if I let her talk.

"One day, when I was nine, he made me mop the house. I did it. I didn't mind, but I was too small to carry the mop. He didn't give a shit." She chuckled darkly. "When I was done, he yelled at me because the floor didn't look clean enough. He snatched the mop from my hands and threw it across the house. He then grabbed me by the arm and pulled me towards the mop. The floor was wet and I slipped. He caught me by my hair and dragged me across the wet floor of the house and shoved me into a wall. I went in face first and got a fat lip. He began slapping me. That was the first time he hit me and it certainly wasn't the last." She took a deep breath.

"It didn't matter who pissed him off, he would take it out on me. He would never hit my mother. He would yell at her and she would yell back, but he knew how to humiliate her verbally to the point where she crumbled to the floor. He knew she was weak and liked seeing it. That was enough for him. The rest of the time I've been his punching bag. He hits me in places I can hide the bruises, my arms. I think I've had some of my bruises for years." She gripped my shirt.

"Then, it just started getting out of hand. I would beg my mother to runaway every damn day, but she wouldn't listen." Bella's voice broke, but she continued. "After all, she didn't have any money. Where was she going to take us? She didn't finish high school because she got pregnant with me and Father wouldn't let her get a job. He blamed her for getting pregnant and made her stay with me and the house. She always said it would get better, but it never did. It just got worse."

"Why didn't _you_ runaway?" I asked and she shook her head.

"I did. When I was thirteen." She whispered and stopped.

_When she was thirteen…_

"Bella, what happened?" she stayed silent and though the fucking silence was painful and I fucking hated it, I couldn't push her. That motherfucker had already done enough of that. "Its fine, if you're still not ready, I'll understand." She pulled out of my arms and sat up beside me. I could already feel the warmth she had left behind in my arms and chest disappearing. I tried to hide my discomfort caused by this, but if she paid attention she would see it in my face.

This need to hold her was becoming ridiculous and I was starting to feel like a fucking pussy, but I couldn't help myself. I _needed_ it.

She sighed and searched for my hand and when she found it, she intertwined our fingers and placed our hands in her lap. I wanted to smile at this, but the look on Bella's face made me forget how to smile. I turned my body to face her completely. I gently ran my finger tips over her bruised arm and she let out a broken sigh. She didn't look at me and only stared down at her lap.

"Does it hurt?" I asked in a whisper and she simply answered with a nod. The way her lip was in between her teeth made me realize she was trying to hold it in and it angered me. I wanted to do so much more. I turned around and grabbed the small bag of frozen peas and turned back to her. I placed the bag over her arm and she jumped a little from the sudden cold contact with her skin, but didn't push it away.

We sat in silence for a few minutes and my hand was starting to hurt from the cold, but I kept it on her arm. She grabbed her head with her small left hand and groaned.

"I have a headache." She said lowly and I tried to calm myself down before I opened my mouth and made her upset.

"Well, being punched in the face does that to you. Do you have any aspirin?" she shook her head and I sighed in frustration. She took the bag peas from where I had it and placed it against her eye. "Does your arm feel better?" I asked and she shook her head.

"Not really." I slumped lower into the bed with my head still against the headboard. I leaned forward and softly placed my lips against her now cool arm. She quickly dropped the bag of peas, letting it fall on the floor and looked down at me. She looked confused. I gave her arm another quick peck, before looking up at her and giving her a soft smile.

"I'll make it go away." I whispered against her arm and I could see her skin goose bump.

She slowly and probably painfully, moved all the way into her bed and laid her head against my chest. Bella had a weird obsession too. She loved to place her face in my chest, but who was I to judge. Besides, I liked it. I wrapped my arms around her and felt the relief as _my_ weird obsession was being helped. I placed my chin on top of her head and inhaled her scent.

_I'm a fucking creep_

"You have to tell me one day. You can let it out with me. It'll make you feel better." I said while I rubbed circles on her back while she gripped my shirt a little tighter.

"I want to."

"What's holding you back?"

"You'll think I'm a freak. You'll think I'm pathetic, which I am, but you'll leave." She snuggled her face into my neck and I laid my cheek against hers. "I don't want you to." Her warm breath against my bare neck made my eyes flutter.

"I don't want to leave either. I won't. I can't. "

"You will."

"Bella, I fucking won't! We're friends remember? How can I just leave you when this shit just happened? I'm staying here to protect you. Besides, I'm not like your former fucked up friends that just stopped talking to you."

"It wasn't their fault. I caused it."

"Does it have to do with what happened when you were 13?" I asked and she pulled away from my neck and placed her head on my shoulder and nodded. "Whatever it is…let it out. I'll be here. Just let it out." I said and caressed her cheek, under her bruised eye and she placed her hand over mine. She took her eyes away from mine and looked down at my chest. She placed her hands on my chest and took hold of my shirt again while my hand fell on her shoulder. She took a deep breath and gulped. She looked like she was bracing herself for something as she held onto me.

"On the morning of my 13th birthday, my best friend left on a trip with his father. They were going to be gone for a few months because of his dad's business. He gave me their address and tried to convince me to runaway and go with them, but I said no. He gave me the address and his number just in case I changed my mind. He knew I would." Bella took a moment to breathe, but still didn't look at me in eyes.

"That afternoon, my mom, with the little money Father gave her, made a cake and decorated the kitchen with balloons and ribbons. I was so excited. I had never had a birthday party. I mean, it wasn't going to be a party; it was just her and me. But still…" she stopped and took another deep breath. I never imagined it would be so hard for her to talk about it. I could see it now and I felt like a shithead for pushing her to talk, but I needed to know.

"My mom was so nice that night. She kissed me and hugged me and I had never felt so loved by her…by anyone. I know she loves me, but for someone reason I really felt it that night. Father came into the kitchen and looked around and then just left the house. I think he wanted to say happy birthday, but he chickened out.

Anyway, it was around nine when I went to my room. I was drawing when I heard my mother talking to someone down stairs. It sounded like a man's voice and it kind of freaked me out. I snuck out of my room and spied on who my mom was talking to. It was some young guy and by the conversation I realized he was my mother's lover. They were arguing about his presence in the house and I ignored the rest of the conversation because I was so pissed at her.

All the love I had felt from and for her vanished.

I didn't care for Father. I felt like she was lying to _me_. I thought it was just me and her, but the whole time, she had been looking for some kind of happiness without me. Why couldn't we be happy together? She never wanted to runaway and now she was spending her time with some stranger.

I was a selfish little girl, I guess.

I ran into my room and filled my back pack with clothes and other crap I thought I would need and some money that I had received from my best friend. He thought I would need it for when I ran away. I had money to buy train or bus tickets. I had to get of there. I had to be anywhere but home. "Home" didn't hold that same comfort that it has for others.

I snuck out my balcony door and ran. It was so cold that night. I remembered how I couldn't breathe and how my lungs ached. But that that didn't stop me. I had never moved my legs so fast in my life. I realized that I really wanted to leave. As I got closer to the bus station, the damn guilt started creeping in and the tears started foggy my vision. Why was I leaving my mom? She needed me even though she has been lying to me. Once I left, she would be left alone with Father with nobody to comfort her. I felt so selfish and childish. Where the hell was I going to go? I loved my mother too much to just leave her by herself, no matter what she had done."

"So you came back?" I asked and Bella nodded…still not looking at me.

"I did. It took me longer to get back then it did to leave. I could feel it in my bones; I didn't want to come back, but something pulled me towards this house. When I finally made it back home, I noticed _his_ cruiser was back in the driveway. I snuck up back into my room and right when I entered the room…"

Bella stopped and seemed to blank out.

"Bella? You alright?" she nodded and closed her eyes for a moment. She swallowed some saliva and opened her eyes again. She gripped my t-shirt a little tighter.

"I heard my mother scream." She whispered. "I dropped my bag and ran downstairs…and…" Tears started accumulating in Bella's eyes. I had never seen so much pain in someone's eyes before.

"He…they were in their room…when they shared the same room. I ran to the room and…I shouldn't have. I should've have ran away. But it would have meant that he would have killed her." The tears finally came down and washer over Bella's cheeks.

"He was hovering over her while she was screaming and his pants were undone. Apparently, I wasn't the only one that had found out my mother's lover that night and he wanted to show her who was the better man.

He was slapping her and ripping her clothes off and I was just standing there…witnessing it. I had never hated another human being so much in my life as I hated my own father that night and as I do now.

I knew I was going to lose. He was and is so much bigger than me, but I wasn't going to let him do that to my mother.

I took a vase that was in her room and threw it at him. It hit him on his arm and it didn't break or hurt him, but I did get his attention." She stopped and sat up. She grabbed my hands and took a deep breath. "He charged at me and I swear I had never seen so much evilness in his eyes. I froze, because that's what I do. I freeze. He took me by my hair and shoved me into the wall. I was losing my balance, but he made sure I would meet the floor. He pulled my right arm down, and violently threw me on the floor.

I thought he would stop there, but he didn't. He never stopped.

He…he kicked me in the ribs with his heavy boots. I cried out and I knew he had broken something already as I could feel the pain so deep, it made me scream. It hurt so much. He yelled for me to shut up, but the pain was too much. He grabbed my head and turned my face towards him and slapped me, not once, not twice, but many times. I could hear my mother screaming.

I begged and cried to my mother to do something. But she didn't.

My begging only pissed him off even more. He said I didn't deserve help and that I deserved what he was doing to me. He said I was a whore just like my mother. I didn't know why he was saying that, but it was stuck in my head for years after.

He didn't stop. It only got worse. He punched me and I lost some consciousness. I couldn't feel anything but excruciating pain all over my entire body. He had kicked, slapped and punched me to a pulp. He was taking out his anger with me.

I could taste the blood in my mouth and feel the blood in my eyes. I started to choke violently on my own blood and I was still begging my mother. I begged so much that I lost my voice. I didn't really know where I was anymore. I couldn't hear her and or anything else and I couldn't see. I didn't see his foot headed towards my face. I couldn't move but I felt the puddle of blood I was laying in. I knew it was me. It felt like I was bleeding out of every pour of my body. It scared me. It smelled like rust. Since then I can't stand blood. He finished me off with his boot.

Then…" Bella paused and squeezed my hands. "Then there was darkness. There was darkness for a very long time. I was in a coma for a week." Bella whispered. I could tell she was ashamed and she didn't have a reason to be, but it wasn't time to give her a fucking pep talk

"Didn't the hospital do something? I mean didn't they see?" I could hear the frustration and anger in my voice, but I could also hear the sadness. Bella shook her head.

"My group of friends in the La Push, from the Quileute tribe, were a bunch of trouble makers. Not bad kids, they just enjoyed the excitement of causing trouble. Again, it wasn't dangerous trouble, but the whole town knew them as bad kids and especially the authorities. When _he_ realized I was dying, he took me to the hospital. He made up a story that I was in a fight with some gang because I hung around the Quileute kids. They…they believed him, because I was the only white kid that hung around in La Push. They investigated my friends and threatened to jail them all if they didn't say who was responsible for what happened to me when _he_ was right there with them the whole time! I couldn't say the truth because I was in a coma and by the time I woke up, my friends hated me and Father already had everyone convinced. After all, he was the chief of police of a small town. Why would he make that stuff up? They didn't arrest anybody, because they couldn't find enough proof, but the whole reservation hated me.

The only one that didn't and doesn't know was my best friend. He hardly came to La Push or Forks after that so I guess nobody ever told him. But I lost all my friends. I lost everything.

He had broken my jaw, so I couldn't talk for weeks. I was in bed rest for days, but I don't remember anything. I didn't know myself during that time.

I was lost in some world and I didn't come back for months. I was ruined.

I don't remember much from the weeks that happened after I woke up. I vaguely remembered the doctor telling me I might suffer from some mild vision loss and I would need glasses in the future. I did just a few months later. But the worse part was I had broken so much that I missed school and had to stay home. I spent my days locked in my room. I didn't come out of my world, ever. It was safe there. I didn't see _him_. He didn't touch me again until a year after. Since then, I'm scared and paranoid of everything. When anything happens that reminds me of that night or I feel physically threatened, I sometimes go back to that place. I go blank. But in those days, it was every day…all day.

I spent all my time drawing. I didn't eat much and I lost a lot of weight. I barely remember a doctor coming into my room and examining me. I heard him when he told my mother that it would probably be best if I saw a psychiatrist, because I seemed to be in depression and that I was too young for that. He just didn't know that I felt safer in my room. I didn't have to see or hear anybody else. It was where I couldn't hear my mother telling me that I couldn't tell anybody what really happened because we had nowhere else to go and he would finally kill me if I opened my mouth. She never asked if I wanted to see a shrink. She was probably afraid I would tell him everything and she would get in trouble too.

I sometimes drown myself in guilt and shame, because I feel like I hate my own my mother. I think I hate her, Edward! I don't want to hate my own mother. I care for her, but…" she hiccupped and wiped her tears away.

"The day I woke up from my coma, she cried for me to forgive her. But she also begged me not to say anything because she wouldn't know what to do with me.

How could she?" Bella shook her head. "She never once stood up for me and she didn't do anything to save me that night, but she begged me to help her. Didn't she see that I tried? I had since I was a little girl. When she would go into my room at night to hide, I was there. She would hold me tight and cry all night. Why did she lean on me and why couldn't see I was too young? Why couldn't she see that I was the one that needed her? I needed my mom.

I've always lifted my hands up to her, but she has never lifted me." Bella sobbed the last sentence and I hugged close to my body and let her cry on my shoulder. This shit was too fucked up.

People always blame others when they act bad or when they are assholes in life. I know I did. I still do. I blame my real and real fucked up parents all the time. But Bella…but Bella doesn't blame anybody and doesn't act like an asshole. All she wants is for someone to help her and support her. She wants her damn mother. That bitch doesn't deserve Bella. She deserves the world. She deserves to see it all. She should know that there are good people out there. People like Carlisle and Esme, who I've fucking selfishly and blindly hurt.

I deserve a Mr. and Mrs. Swan as parents.

Not Bella.

I pulled Bella away a little so I could look at her in the face. I held onto her shoulder and she held on to my shirt.

"Bella, she can't lift you up because she is too damn weak. I'm sorry if she's your mother, but after what you have told me, she should have taken you away from all this. She would have stood up for you, but she's too damn weak. But you Bella…" I cupped her face with my hands causing her to look at me in the eyes. She sniffed and tried to control her crying, but she was too much in pain. "But you Bella are too damn strong. You can leave all this. You have what she doesn't. You have the power and strength to get the fuck out of this shithole. I say, fuck them and get the hell out of here." Bella pulled away and wiped her tears away.

"I can't. If I leave, he'll kill her. He never hits her and hits me instead, because I know that in his twisted, sick mind, he loves her or thinks what he feels is love and_ I'm_ the one who ruined everything by coming into this world. I'm the one who got them stuck in the town. This might sound sadistic and stupid of me, but I love my mother in all her weakness. I stay to protect her. When I tried to runaway when I was 13, I wasn't here when he first tried to hurt her, but once I did get here…well you already know. He hit me instead of her. I have to protect my mother."

"Mother bird…baby bird. I get it now." I whispered.

"Yeah." She said nodding. "If I'm here to take the punishment, she'll be alright."

"You can't be someone's punching bag Bella! That shit isn't right. You can't take punishment for someone else's mistakes."

"But what am I to do? I have nothing!"

"You fucking have me!" I shouted causing Bella to finally leave her eyes on me.

"I have you?"

"Yes! Shit, Bella I thought you would know by now. Let me help you and your mother. You don't have to do anything if you don't want to and I won't tell anybody until I know what we can do. Until we have a plan, Charles won't know what the fuck awaits for him. We can get you and your mother out of this."

"We don't have any money, Edward. He hardly gives us money for food."

"Don't worry about anything. Leave it up to me. My dad probably knows some people that can help since he's a doctor. Just let me help you. Do you trust me?" I asked. Bella closed her eyes and took in a shaky breath.

"Yes," she breathed out and opened her eyes. "I trust you Edward." I smiled at her and pulled her into my chest again.

"You don't know how fucking good that feels Bella." I sighed in her hair.

"But why Edward? Why are you helping us? Don't give me that friend excuse." She said and I held her tighter.

"Because I once felt like you felt Bella." I said and she wiggled her head to be able to look at me but I didn't dare look at her. "Someone saved me and I should do the same for you. If I that didn't deserve it and was saved anyway, you definitely should be too. You deserve it more than anybody I know. Besides, it feels good to do something good. And whether you like it or not, you and I are bonded together. Don't tell me you can sleep when I am not around? I know I'm a fucking mess." I confessed and I didn't regret it as she wrapped her arms around my body and finally stopped crying.

"I'm a mess too."

"See…" I said and she let out a light chuckle and I kissed her forehead as she buried her face into my chest again. "I was serious about staying Bella. I'm not leaving you with that psychopath."

"You can't stay Edward. What if he comes back? He lives here, so he will come back." In that moment my phone vibrated. Bella felt it too and was about to get off me, but I felt the panic creep in and pulled her back into my chest. I pulled out of my phone and noticed it was Alice.

"Hello?"

"_Mom isn't mad. Just wants to know if you're alright. There was a huge fire near La Push. The cops, including the chief of police from Forks and the entire fire department are all over there."_

"Shit! Well are you okay."

"_Duh, we don't live near La Push."_

"Don't be a smartass. Well I'm not anywhere near La Push…wait did you just say the chief of police from Forks is over there too?"

"_Uh, yeah. Bella's father. He came on the local news warning us to stay away from the fire. It looks like it was an accident in the woods. He said it might take all night to clear up and that he would be in charge of it all along side the fire department. He's scary looking by the way."_

"Awesome!"

"_How is that awesome?"_

"I mean…it's good that he's handling it." I lied.

"_Okaaay."_ I hated when Alice extended words like that.

"Well I have to go Alice. I'm with a friend and it's fucking rude to be talking on the phone."

"_Right, and you're so damn respectful and nice."_

"You're fucking right! Goodnight Alice!" I said and ended the call.

"What happened?" Bella asked and I smiled at her and she looked confused.

"Your dad isn't going to be home for a long time."

"Why?"

"There was a fire somewhere and he's being the hero. So he isn't coming home."

"Is anybody hurt?"

"Nope."

"Oh…" she said and placed her head back into my chest. "I wonder where my mom is."

"Don't worry about her. I'm sure she's okay. You can be selfish for once and just enjoy that you're alone with me."

"I am enjoying it." I smiled.

"Me to."

We didn't say anything for a while letting the peaceful silence calm us down. I looked down at Bella and couldn't tell if she was asleep.

"Bella you awake?"

"No, I just talk in my sleep." She said and I chuckled.

"You're back!"

"Yeah, well sometimes I don't feel like I will. You still wanna hang around me even though I'm crazy?" she muttered.

"You're not fucking crazy." I huffed. "Where do you go?" I whispered.

"What are you talking about?"

"Where do you go when you blank out? I found you like that when I got here. It scared me to death."

"You found me like that? I thought I was knocked out."

"No. You had your eyes open and even cried. I tried to snap you out of it, but you didn't respond."

"I don't remember that…" she sounded embarrassed.

"You don't remember me shaking you or calling your name?"

"No" she answered and sat up in my lap. Her face was only inches away from mine. "I don't remember."

"Where do you go? Is it somewhere better than here at least?" I whispered staring into her brown eyes. She wrapped her arms around my neck and I pulled her closer, pressing our foreheads together. I could feel and smell her sweet breath. I closed my eyes just to feel her warmth in my face and I inhaled her unique and beautiful scent.

"It can be nice. But it's just a world of lies. The happiness in that world isn't real. I don't want to go there Edward. I'm scared that it will finally fool me and convince me to stay and I'll never come back to reality. What if I don't snap out of it? What if I don't come back? What if I don't come back to you?" I opened my eyes to see the raw worry in her brown eyes.

"I won't let that happen. I'll always be here to bring you back. I'll fight for you. I'll be here to remind you where I am and where you should be. I'll do my best to take good care of you. I'll bring you back." I breathed into her face as she grabbed the back of my head. She fisted my hair in her hands and pressed our foreheads even closer and pressed our noses together.

"You will?" she whispered with her eyes closed. I closed my eyes and wrapped my arms around her small waist. I never knew how cold I was until I held Bella.

With her in my arms, everything was warmth.

"Yes I will." She sighed and shook a little. "I'll come to you and take you by the hand. Just make sure to reach out for me so we can come back together."

"I will. Always…" she whispered back.

I slowly opened my eyes. Bella still had hers closed. I reached up and gently kissed her forehead. I gently and tenderly, so I wouldn't hurt her, moved my lips down to her bruised eye and softly placed them on her bruised cheek bone. I dragged my lips across her skin to the space between her cheek and her nose and kissed her there too. Bella let out another shaky breath. I could feel a warm tightness in my chest. I let out shaky breath of my own and let the warm feeling take over me. I moved my lips from her cheek to the corner of her lips.

I didn't think about it.

It was the warmth. It was everything.

I gently and slowly kissed the corner of her mouth and before I could question what the hell I was doing or before Bella could move away and escape my tender kiss assault or ask, I took her lower lip in between mine. I don't know what had moved me to do it, but it was all I wanted to do in that moment.

In my naïve state of warmth, I felt like I could make everything go away and make her feel good. But in the back of my head, my fucking inner voice asked what the fuck I was doing. I flipped him off.

I gently sucked on her lower lip and felt like my heart wanted to jump put of my chest. I groaned into her mouth and pulled her body closer. I needed it. I failed to realize Bella had let go of me and no longer was touching me. I was blinded by how amazing her warm lips. I was the one pressing our bodies together.

She didn't kiss me back and probably didn't know how, but I couldn't stop. Her soft and warm lips tasted so good and I felt so good that it was almost impossible to stop. I gently pulled her lower lip with my lips only to take it again. I pressed my lips harder to hers and just as I was going to move my mouth to deepen the kiss, Bella quickly pulled away and quickly pressed her forehead against my shoulder.

I had forgotten how to breathe.

I was breathing heavily and so was she. She pulled away from me and sat on the bed, no longer making contact with me. Not once did she look at me.

"I um…uh…um I'm going to go to sleep now." I could she was blushing a deep red and looked nervous as hell. She didn't look happy, more like upset…again.

I felt like a fucking idiot. I was a complete asshole! Fuck! I nervously ran my hands through my hair while trying to catch my breath. I didn't know what the fuck to say or do. I fucked it up. I fucked everything up!

She turned her back to me and hid herself under her covers. She scooted as far as possible from me and it hurt.

It was my fault anyway. I fucked up. I hit the back of my head against the bed's headboard. I kept replaying the kiss in my mind. I couldn't let it go.

Bella didn't talk to me for the rest of the night. She didn't face me.

_What did I just do?_

* * *

**I'm so damn nervous (Bella style) about this chapter. So much shiz happened. When I thought the story up, I knew all of this would happen in this chapter, but I had such hard time writing it. Go gentle on me.**

**I don't feel like this is a cliffy. But if you feel like it is, please feel free to angry review. I didn't mean for it to be. A lot of you hated that I gave you a cliffy last chapter and even though I've only given you three or maybe four intentional cliffies in all 16 chapters, I promise you, it's not something I do often. It's just for the effect of the story. **

**Kelala1004 (hoping you don't mind me pointing you out) I guess we are married. Rings and all… Haha. I hope you don't mind that I do dedicate an unhealthy amount of time to KStew. Though I don't play for the other team and though you're my wifey now…I did love her first. Bahaha**

**Again and always, thanks crazy9girl for the banner. **

**P.S I do plan to write another story after ATTY (with a beta!). I won't tell you what it will be about (maybe if you beg) but I will let you know two things. 1****st****, it will be angst. Why? Because it seems that I'm good at making people cry haha and 2****nd****, Charles will be Charlie again. He will be nice and cute just like book and movie Charlie. Seriously, he so freaking cute I want him to be my dad. Bahaha Unlike ATTY Charles…no comment.**


	17. Gone

**Sorry for the long wait. I haven't been in the head space lately. Bad moods and frustrating days at my boring job…ugh…college is about start again…I could go on.**

**But you are not to blame so here is Bella…and we'll see where Renee really went. Some of your theories surprised me and some made me giggle. Glad you want the worst for Renee…sort of.**

* * *

_Ch17/Bella/Gone_

"_I'm going to hurt you."_

"_Why can't you just leave me alone?"_

"_Because, who else? It's you. You're the one."_

"_I don't want you to hurt me."_

"_I don't either."_

"_But you will."_

"_I know"_

"_I didn't ask for you."_

"_I know that as well."_

"_You made me like you."_

"_I know."_

"_Do you even like me?"_

"…_.."_

"_Its fine, I know you don't."_

"_Then…why am I here?"_

"_I don't know. I just want my friend back. You said you were my friend and that you would protect me."_

"_I didn't lie."_

"_But you will."_

"_I'm going to hurt you."_

"_I know."_

I suddenly woke up.

My heart raced and I couldn't catch my breath. The pounding in my head and my aching bruised eye didn't let me sleep. When I had managed to doze off I dreamt of him.

I would dream of Edward.

I saw myself with _my _Edward. He smelled, sounded, looked, and felt like Edward. _My _Edward never tried to kiss me. He never kissed me period! But this Edward...

Kissed me

He would do it in my dreams, but I would quickly panic and push him away. He would give me his crooked smile and I knew he was playing with me. This wasn't _my _Edward and that's why I couldn't trust him.

I peaked at my clock and I realized it was almost time for school. I could smell the eggs and bacon coming from down stairs. The sharp pain in the left side of my face reminded me of what had happened last night. I wondered if Father was home. I wondered if mom was alright, though I shouldn't care.

I could feel him shifting in my bed and his warmth on my back. He sighed.

Edward was still here.

Edward was awake.

I wanted to toss and turn in my bed so I could find a more comfortable position, but I didn't want to face him.

I didn't want to look at him.

I was too embarrassed and confused.

A part of me wanted to shout at him and demand for the reason behind his kiss. But I was too much of a coward. I didn't want a negative response, though I already knew it was. I just didn't want hear it coming from his lips. I had never kissed anybody and I still haven't. Out of confusion and fear, I did not kiss him back.

I wish I had, because it will never happen again.

_He felt bad for you. That is all this is. He feels bad. If he had never seen when you got humiliated by the man who created you, he wouldn't even be here. He would have never kissed you. He just feels bad. He has pity for you._

He does. He does. He does. He didn't mean anything he said. His lips didn't mean to gently graze mine. His lips…

_His warm and soft lips…_

They aren't for me. Why would they be? He just feels pity!

_He does! I'm nothing to him. I don't want his pity!_

I groaned and grabbed my head with my hands. I rolled into a ball as the pain was too much. My head wanted to explode and my damn inner voice wouldn't shut the fuck up.

"Bella?" He whispered. He gently placed one of his lovely hands on my shoulder. "You alright?" he whispered into my neck, causing chills in my skin. I sighed and removed my hands from my head.

Suddenly the pain wasn't so bad.

"I'm fine." I muttered and slowly sat up. I still wasn't looking at him.

"Your eye looks worse. But that's part of the process. It'll get better in few days." He said in a monotone voice. He wasn't trying to convince me of the positive with his voice, like he usually did when he wanted me to feel better.

_What's wrong with him?_

I placed my right hand over my bruised eye and turned to look at him. He was still and silent. He stared at me with a blank look on his face. "Hey." He said, again with no emotion. His bronze hair was a mess, stubble covered his beautiful jaw line and the dark shadows under his eyes, made the green pop.

He was tired as hell.

"Hey," I whispered back. "You look tired." He shrugged.

"I didn't sleep all night. I kept waiting for your father."

"Edward!" I gasped.

"Don't worry. He didn't come back." He said taking his eyes away from me. He looked upset. I hoped I didn't cause this. I hope that kiss didn't ruin us.

_Us? What the heck is us? _

_I just hope he doesn't act different with me. He didn't mean that kiss. It was just in the moment. It's not going to happen again. He shouldn't be freaked out by it. I promise I'll forget it!_

He sat up and ran his hands through his hair and sighed loudly.

"I have to go home and get ready for school. Text me when you get there and if you father comes back, call me." He said and stretched his arms and looked at me again. No hint of friendliness or a smile. He looked…mad. "I um…I'll see you at school. Please…text me so I'll know that you made it." He said and with that walked to my balcony door and left.

_I hope his bad mood doesn't last long._

I took a shower after throwing away the Hot Pocket and the now unfrozen bag of peas. I looked at myself in the mirror and almost hissed. My eye was almost closed shut and now was completely purple and blue.

People are going to ask.

_I fell_.

I grabbed my bag, took one last look out my balcony door to check if _he _was home.

He wasn't.

I almost cried in relief.

I made my way downstairs and didn't expect to see her waiting for me. But she was.

"Good morning, baby." My mother said warmly. She gave me a soft smile and I jerked my eyes away from her and headed straight to the door. I couldn't. I wouldn't.

I refused to look at her.

I still felt so much anger, still. I wasn't strong enough. I knew if I looked at my mother in the eyes and if she asked me to, I would. I would forgive her easily.

"Bella, baby…aren't you gonna eat breakfast? I made it just for you. I also made you lunch. I know I never do, but..." I kept walking. She wanted to make it up to me with food? She was insane. "Is he gone yet?"

I stopped walking. I stared straight ahead, holding my breath.

"Is Edward gone yet?" My mother asked with no hint of malice or anger in her voice.

I didn't answer. My throat was dry and I was pretty sure my good eye was wide open and my mouth was just the same.

"A few nights ago, I wanted to talk you." My mother whispered and took a few steps towards me. "I wanted to have a mother and daughter talk." She chuckled sadly and I kept my eyes on the wall. "But when I opened your door, I found you laying in the arms of a boy. I wanted to yell at you and ask what the hell that boy was doing in your bed. But then I really opened my eyes and I saw you. You were both asleep. You with your head on his chest and your arms around his wait and he held you so close I knew you were safe. You looked so peaceful. The both of you." She whispered and was about to place a hand on my back, but I roughly pulled away. She held in a sob.

"I…" she sniffed. "I couldn't bring myself to ruin that for you. I never asked you because I didn't want you to think you had to end it…"

"There is nothing to end!" I shouted. "How do you know his name?" I asked under my breath. I tried to compose myself. I knew I was caught but I didn't know what consequences this had for me.

"Last night, after you ran to your room…"

"What? I ran?"

"You don't remember, baby?" I shook my head. "You were on the floor and I knew you weren't fully conscious. Charles was going to kick you when I threaten to tell his boss. He was going to hit me when the phone rang. You jumped up and ran to your room. You scared me, baby. You looked so…not you. It looked like you were possessed." She said and I gasped. I bit down on my lip, trying to hide my own sob.

I fucking need help.

"Charles left saying he had something to do and I tried to get into your room to look at your eye, because I knew it was probably swollen, but you wouldn't open the door. You kept shouting that you hated me." She choked the last part.

"I said that?" I asked in disbelief. I would think about hating my mother once in a while, but I never meant it. I couldn't.

I don't…

"Don't worry, baby. You were mad and I deserve every bit of your anger…and even your hate. I know it even though it hurts like hell." She cried and I still couldn't bring myself to look at her. "I went to look for Phil…"

"Phil?" I could hear the anger in my voice.

"He's used to be a med student. I thought he could look at your eye."

"I don't need him!" I yelled and she shushed me.

"Baby, calm down. When I came back with him, I could hear you talking to Edward in your room."

I hoped to god she hadn't heard what I had talked to him about.

"I didn't hear what you were talking about, but I did hear when you called him Edward. I told Phil to forget about it and he left." She neared me again. "It seems Edward took care of it. It doesn't look that bad." She said moving a strand from my hair behind my ear to uncover my eye.

We said nothing.

There was so much I wanted to tell her and I knew there was plenty of stuff she wanted to say, but we both held it in. We would regret this some day and I knew that. But I didn't say anything. I was afraid my anger for her would cloud my senses and make things worse. Nothing could my relationship with my mother any worse, but I couldn't take the risk.

She was and is all I have.

Even if she doesn't think the same way.

She placed the brown lunch bag in my hands and gave me some pills Phil had given her for me. She said it was for the pain. I stuffed the pills in my pocket, swearing to myself that I wouldn't take them. It was my pride. I still had some left.

I made it to my truck and turned back to see my mom at the door. Her face was broken and her eyes were red. I swallowed any guilt or pity I felt for her and left for school.

I squinted my way through the streets.

I could make out shapes and colors, but everything was so blurry and I couldn't read things from far away. I couldn't see people's faces. I didn't notice that it was Angela Weber waving at me at school. It wasn't until she rushed to me asking what had happened to my eye that I realized it was her.

I told her the story I had up made up on my way to school.

I slipped and fell. I slammed my face into a pole.

Angela gasped and expressed her worry and I waved it off, saying I was 'fine.'

I'm fine.

People stared at me and some even made jokes about my eye, but I didn't pay much attention to them. I looked for Edward, but there were no signs of him. My first period teachers asked if I needed to see the nurse and I said no. I knew I was screwed. I couldn't take notes because I couldn't see the board and my head was pounding so I heard nothing the teachers said.

I passed by Alice's locker on my way to lunch, hoping to catch Edward, but all I got was a pitiful look from Alice. She didn't ask or looked surprised like everyone else.

_Has Edward told her anything? He wouldn't have! _

I made it my usual lunch table. Edward and the rest of the Cullens and whore gang hadn't made it to their table yet. I opened my lunch bag and found a sandwich, apple and a note from my mother.

_I'm sorry. Though my pleading won't fix anything and won't take away the pain, I will beg for your forgiveness until the end of time. I love you baby. I wish I was as strong as you are. I could take you away forever, but I can't. I promise to never let anything bad happen to you again. I swear._

_Love,_

_Mom_

I crumpled the note and stuffed it in the brown bag. I could feel the tears in my eyes and the knot in my throat, but I pushed them away. _How dare she do this? And in a note? She's a coward!_

I whipped my eyes away from my untouched sandwich to Alice and Jasper. They walked in hand in hand with Emmett and Rosalie following close behind. They sat at their table and talked until Tanya and her whore gang joined them.

Still no Edward.

They all laughed and talked, but Alice just stared at her lunch with a blank expression on her face. Jasper seemed to ask her something, but she just shook her head and looked towards me. I quickly looked down at my sandwich.

_Why was she so sad? Why is she looking at me?_

A few minutes later, Edward finally walked into the cafeteria with his head down, not once looking at my direction. He sat next to Alice and Jasper and said something to Alice and she responded which caused him to look at me. I smiled at him, but he didn't return the smile. He still looked tired and now even more pissed. He looked away again.

It reminded me of when we weren't _friends._ It reminded me of how it used to be. Embarrassed and pained by his sudden cold shoulder, I took my lunch and left the lunch room.

Because that's what I do. If I find myself in a painful situation, I leave. When Father decides he wants to take his frustration out with me, I leave. My mind leaves while he hits my body. When Edward decided that he was pissed at me, I left. Body and soul, I left.

I went to my tree and nibbled on my sandwich, not really hungry. A part of me wished and waited for Edward. A part of me thought he would join me out here like he did last time. He would look for me. He would talk to me.

But he didn't.

I wondered if I had caused this.

Maybe he was just not feeling well today. Maybe he was tired.

Maybe he just doesn't want to be near me anymore.

During art, Mr. Freeman kept staring at me with a confused look on his face. He didn't ask what had happened, but I knew he ached to know. I sat with Alice and Angela.

Well they sat with me.

I thought that they wouldn't want to sit with me this week, but instead of inviting me, they invited themselves. Angela acted sweet as usual, but Alice acted different. She was quiet and frowned the whole class period. That was not like her.

Class was over and as I made my way to the door, Mr. Freeman asked to stay back.

Shit.

"Bella, I wanted to wait until the class was over to ask and you probably already know what I'm going to ask. But,"

"I fell."

"You fell?" I could feel the heat behind my ears and my racing heart.

"Yes."

"Okay."

"Is that it?" I asked. I knew I was shaking. I knew he could see that.

"Yes." He whispered and as I was about to make my way to the door, he spoke again. "If you didn't fall and this is more serious...you can tell me Bella. I can help you."

"I know." Was the only thing I said and I left.

I was late for English, but luckily there was a substitute, so she didn't give me any shit about being late. I made my way to my desk finding a still very pissed looking Edward, slumping down his chair. He didn't look at me as I reached my chair or said anything. I held back the tears of frustration and decided to play the silent game as well.

We didn't speak during the whole class period. I didn't take any notes as I couldn't see the board, yet again. I could move up or ask the substitute for the notes, but why would I want that kind of attention on me. I squinted and caught some of the things the teacher had left for us to write. Angela noticed my problem and handed me her notes. She asked where my glasses were and I simply said they had broken.

I was part of the truth at least.

Class ended and Edward was the first one to exit the class. I sighed and grabbed my stuff. I made it out of the school building and headed to my truck. I knew Edward didn't want to stay after school. He probably didn't want anything with me anymore. I shoved my stuff into my truck in frustration. I decided that the day could have gone worse. I didn't get any shit from Tanya or Rosalie and not many people cared for what happened to my eye, but Edward's coldness and silence had made everything worse than what I had imagined. Now I had to get back home and face the monster that did this to my eye.

I slammed my passenger door and placed my forehead against the window.

"Why are you crying?" his velvety voice asked.

_I'm crying because I'm pathetic and because of you! You asshole!_

"My head hurts." I lowly said and looked at him. He didn't look as upset as before, more like sad.

"I cry when I have headaches too." He said and I rolled my eyes…or my good eye. I rolled something!

"Wow, you're making fun of me. At least you're talking to me." I said and headed to the driver's side. I opened the door just to have it shut by him.

"We aren't doing tutoring today?" he asked and I wanted to slap the shit out of him, but it didn't happen.

"I didn't think you wanted to."

"Why would you think that?"

"I don't know. I just did!" I shouted and opened my door again and yet again he slammed it shut. I sighed…loudly.

I stood there, huffing at my reflection on my window. My eye didn't look that bad, but it wasn't pretty either. I didn't move and neither did he.

"Why didn't you call or text me when you got here?" he asked lowly but I could tell he was angry.

Oh.

"I forgot and I forgot my phone." I really had. I was so worried about what people would say or ask about my eye, that I had completely forgotten to text him.

"Do you know how fucking worried I was?" he roughly whispered. "You didn't answer your phone. I was late to school because I had to pass by your house just to make sure your father wasn't there and that you had safely left. It wasn't until Alice texted me that I found out that you were here."

"Alice? Why couldn't you just look for me here?" I was still staring at myself in my truck's window.

"You don't understand Bella." He muttered.

"No, apparently I don't!" I half shouted. He was pissing me off. He slowly walked as close to me as he could. He took my hand in his and intertwined our fingers. He placed his forehead against the side of my head and took in a shaky breath.

I quickly wondered if there was anybody watching us, but I had parked far away and there were hardly people left as everybody scattered when the school bell had rung. He gently pulled me closer to his body with his free hand and wrapped his arm around my waist. It was an "almost" hug. He let go of my hand and wrapped his arms around me, finally.

And I let him.

I needed this.

I laid my head against his chest and closed my eyes, hoping this wasn't a dream. He placed his chin on top of my head and held me tighter.

"I was so fucking worried, Bella." He whispered into to my hair. There was no more anger in his voice, just worry. "Don't ever do that shit again. I have to know. I have to know that you're safe or I'll fucking lose it."

"I'm sorry." I said in all honesty. I hated the pain in his voice. I wanted to comfort him, but his warmth and scent held me together. I felt that if he let me go, I would surely break. He gently pulled me away from his chest and I could feel the ache in my chest.

The ache didn't last long as he cupped my face with his hands and pulled me close again. He placed his forehead against mine. His breath hit my face and I closed my eyes thinking this would make it last longer. He wiped the tears I didn't realize were escaping my eyes with his thumbs and sighed. I placed my hands on his chest and felt how fast his heart raced. I held onto to him, wishing he wouldn't pull me away ever again.

"I have to go." He whispered. "My parents want me home early today. I'll try my best to come to you tonight."

"It's okay." I whispered covering one of his hands with mine. I tried to hide my disappointment, but he seemed to notice anyway.

"I promise. Okay?"

"Okay." He pulled away and I opened my eyes to find his face soft and warm.

"You feel alright today?" he asked and I nodded. "That's good. Don't worry about your dad. Alice left school early and said that he wasn't at your house."

"Alice? You keep saying Alice. Does she know? Did you tell her? Why would…"

"No!" he said, cutting me off. He took a deep breath and took my hands again. "I just asked her to do me the favor. She doesn't know anything." I nodded letting him know that I believed him and he gave me a small smile and let go of my hands again.

"I'll see you." I whispered and he nodded. He walked away and I could already feel the ache in my chest.

I had become too needy of him.

I need him more than I had realized.

This morning and all day had been shit until this moment.

He made it better and I was scared. I feared that only Edward could make me feel better. What would I do if he decided not to be my friend anymore? What would I do without him? This was too dangerous.

But I need him.

I couldn't deny it to myself anymore. I need Edward. I need him so much.

As I made my way to my house, I could see police cruisers and lights flashing. There were five police cruisers at my house and a black car with the letters "FBI" on the side of the doors. My heart stopped and I started to worry about my mother. I parked my truck and rushed to my house. A man in a black suit stopped me.

"I'm FBI agent John Molina. Are you Isabella Swan?"

"Yes, where's my mother?" I shouted and he signaled with his hands for me to calm down.

"We will have to speak to you about your father, Charles Swan."

"Where's my mother? Is she hurt? What happened?" I was panicking and this man wasn't giving me any answers.

"She's alright. Calm down Isabella."

"My name is Bella! I want to see my mom."

"She's inside. You can speak to her, but we are taking you and her to the police station." I ignored him and ran into my house.

There were pieces of Father's clothing scattered around the entrance of my house. I found my mother crying on the kitchen table while another two men in suits asked her questions and a few police officers looked through our stuff.

"Mom!" I said and my mother's face turned to mine and she jumped up. She ran to me and wrapped her arms around me. She pulled me tight and cried into my shoulder.

"He's gone baby. These men are looking for your father."

"What?" I gasped.

"You Father got home early and took some of his stuff and ran off. He was in a hurry and looked like the devil himself was after him. He said he wasn't sure if he would come back and left. He's gone baby. He's gone!" my mother cried and repeated "he's gone" a few more times while she held onto me for dear life.

He's gone.

Father is gone.

I cried with her. I didn't know if she cried because she didn't want him to leave or if she was crying because she was as happy as I was. I didn't know why the men in suits looked at us in pity or why the hell the cops were looking through our house, but I didn't care at the moment.

He's gone.

Is this how freedom feels like?

Is this how life crawls back into my mother and me?

I could feel it in my skin and bones as my mother cried with me.

It was life.

It was freedom.

He was gone.

And I am free.

Free…

* * *

**I do apologize for the short chapter and semi-cliffy. The next chapter will be up during this week. I don't know exactly when, but its coming and it will be BPOV again. I did intend for this chapter to be WAY longer but decided that would delay my update even more so that is why the BPOV again. I know some of you love EPOV, but for what's to come, the next chapter has to be BPOV. Edward's behavior will piss you off if it didn't piss you off in this chapter already, but just bare with him. Right now he is one confused kid.**

**Again and always, thanks crazy9girl for the banner. **

**I got nominated for an award at twiawards(dot)webs(dot)com thanks to zdra8351 for "Angst All Around." I doubt I will win because I'm up against **_**Wide Awake**_**, but if you feel like I made you cry more than enough then go vote for me. It all ends August 15****th****. Again, zdra8351 that was really sweet of you.**

**P.S College is about to start for me. I work 40 hours a week and will have homework up the ass, but do not worry. This will only mean shorter chapters. I promise updates won't take weeks or months like some of my favorite ff stories. That just pisses me off. Especially because their stories rock so much more than mine. Luv you all! Hopefully you luv me to and click the review button. Until next time.**


	18. The Cold One

**Thanks to the suggestion of a lovely reviewer, I have made it possible for anonymous readers to leave reviews. I know, I know I'm stupid for not knowing that…after all I'm still new at this but um…yeah.**

**Here is Bella once again.**

_Ch 18/Bella/The Cold One_

"_You mean to tell me Mrs. Swan that you lived with Mr. Swan for almost 20 years and had no idea of his illegal activities?"_

"_Why would I? I'm just a housewife! I was busy taking care of my daughter!"_

"_Calm down Mrs. Swan. We are just trying to put everything together."_

"_Well, why don't you start by looking for him instead of having my daughter and me in this damn place?"_

Four hours.

That is how long my mother and I had been answering questions and moving from one room to another in the police station. I had never been here. It would seem I would know this place since my…since Father was the chief of police, but not once did he ever bring me here. I hardly knew what Father did besides be the "hero" of Forks.

We sat in some room with FBI Agents Molina and Copeland, while they tried to squeeze any possible information out of us. Agent Copeland was a little more direct and a complete jackass. Somehow, he had convinced himself that mom and I knew where Father had run off to. The jerk didn't know that if I knew where he was, I would be the first one pointing my finger in his direction. Molina was a little more patient and quieter. He nodded and furrowed his eyebrows and things he thought were interesting and most importantly didn't yell at us.

My mother had broken down a few times and Molina was nice enough to bring her some aspirin and water, while Copeland babbled on. I really didn't understand half of the words he was spitting at us. I hardly knew what the hell the FBI did. All I got out of Copeland's babbling was that…

I was related to a criminal.

The FBI was after Father because something they called "bankruptcy fraud." Father apparently lied to some banks a few years ago and got some loans. Loans mom had no idea about. The FBI said that they don't know what the money was used for exactly, but they knew it was for something illegal which just adds more to Father's slate of crap. Father fell in debt. Over the years that debt got huge, like mega huge. He filed for bankruptcy a few times. Apparently you're only supposed to file once. He also forgot to mention that he was married and that he had a house and that he had some assets.

Well, at least he didn't kill anybody.

Yet…

The FBI realized all of this right before the fire in La Push and when Father came on the local news to warn about the dangerous of the fire, the FBI found their man.

Molina and Copeland had decided to take a coffee brake while they "thought things over." I stayed with my mother while she cried and repeated how embarrassing all this was. At least she didn't have to go to high school in the morning.

I knew I was the daughter of a monster and now I was the girl whose dad is being chased by the freaking FBI. This had to happen to me! The only positive out of all of this is that I will no longer see _Him_. I smiled to myself as the realization crawled into my mind yet again. I don't know how many times I've told myself the same thing in the past four hours and find myself smiling a damn fool.

"What are you smiling about, Isabella? I don't find any of this at all funny." Copeland said as returned with a coffee cup.

I huffed and rolled my eyes. I didn't know where I had found the courage or balls, but it caused Agent Molina to chuckle.

"My name is Bella, for the hundredth time. Mr. Copeland…"

"Agent Copeland!"

"Agent Copeland, my mom and I didn't know about my father's activities. You're not going to get any information from us because we just don't have any. My mother and I are exhausted and would like to go home."

Agent Copeland wouldn't give up. He asked if Father had strange conversations on the phone, or if he had money problems or if he would spend a lot of time out of the house. We answered all we could and mother, at one point, started crying again. I wanted to shake her up, but she was probably seriously overwhelmed by all of this. I, on the other hand, was so damn happy. Strangely, but I was so damn happy.

I couldn't wait to get to the "free" world. I would have to face the eyes and rumors of the whole damn town, but I couldn't care less right now. I just wanted to be "free" for once.

Agent Copeland finally finished and we were sent home. He let us know that there would be two FBI agents in a car near our house just in case Father came back. We wouldn't be able to see them, but he would be on the lookout. Somehow, that made me feel better.

_He _was defiantly not coming back.

Agent Copeland exited the room, followed by my mother. I was about to meet her out in the hall when Agent Molina held his hand in my face making me stop.

"Can I ask you a question…Bella?" he asked and smiled at me. I nodded. "Who did that?" he said and slowly pointed to my eye. I quickly looked away. I didn't understand why this made me so embarrassed. The fact that my father was a being chased by the FBI wasn't embarrassing, but the fact that he kicked the shit out of me, sent me into a cloud of shame. "Come here." He said and I really wanted to shout in frustration. I just wanted to go home.

We passed my mother, who was told to wait for me, and walked into another room. Agent Molina asked me to sit on a leather chair in front of a desk as he closed the door. He sat at the desk and took out a folder. He read for a brief moment and looked at me with a soft smile.

"I understand that you visited the hospital when you were 13? Am I right?" I nodded.

"I've visited La Push and the Quileutes before. Nice folks, aren't they?"

I nodded.

"They don't look like they would do such a thing."

I nodded again.

"A few hours ago, the Forks Police received an anonymous call from someone stating that Mr. Swan is a danger to his family."

_Huh?_

"What?" I asked incredulously. Edward? No, he couldn't have!

"I'm going to ask Bella. Don't be afraid to answer. He's probably very far away." Molina said and sighed. "Did…_he_ do this? All of it?" He almost whispered the damn question and I could feel myself start to shake. "Mr. Swan was under a lot of pressure, for years. He owes a lot of money. I saw your arms a moment ago. Did Charles take out his frustrations in life with you? Tell me Bella."

I nodded. I wasn't looking at him in the face. I felt the knot in my throat.

He sighed and ran a hand through his hair.

"For how long?" I wanted to tell him everything and how I've lived scared for so long. Where is my damn voice?

"Since forever…" I whispered shakily and from the corner of my eye I could see him shaking his head.

"Is this the first time you tell an authority figure?" I nodded again. "Those nice folk down at the reservation didn't send you to the hospital when you were 13. Right?"

"Right." I breathed out. I held my right hand, trying to stop the embarrassing shaking.

"I lost my little sister because of child abuse. I almost killed my own father." He said and I didn't understand why the hell he was telling me this, but I let him. "I promised Sofia, my sister, I would get the fuckers like him and I will. Don't worry Bella. We'll get him." He said standing and walking over to me. He gently patted my back. "We'll get him." He repeated and I just nodded.

I finally made it to the hall where my mother waited for me. She slowly walked to me and gave me a tight hug. We said nothing as she let go. A bald cop walked us out to the lobby. We walked holding hands and with tears in our eyes.

"I love you, baby." She whispered with a knot in her throat. We both look straight ahead while our slow steps took us to the doors.

"And I love you mom." She squeezed my hand.

"We're gonna make it, baby. I just know it."

"I know it too mom."

"We are on our own. Like you've always wanted…"

"I know…" I said trying to control my excitement.

"Are you scared?"

"Hell no." I whispered and she lowly giggled.

"Good…neither am I." I squeezed her hand this time.

As the bald cop opened the doors, Phil greeted us with a hug. I didn't even know the guy, but he acted like he was so worried about us. He was a younger guy, tanned, blue eyes and fit. Now I knew why mother liked him. He began asking my mother questions and comforting her while he helped her sit on a bench. She looked at me as if asking if it was okay and I just nodded.

"I'll wait for you outside." I said.

"I wouldn't do that, Bella. There are news reporters out there." Phil said and I sighed. I was about to sit on another bench when I heard a familiar and comforting sound.

"Bella!" His velvety voice shouted. I turned to find Edward running towards me. "Bella!" he said again even though he had already seen me. He made it to me and I thought he was going to throw me down, but instead he wrapped his arms around me and picked me up. He spun me around and pulled me tightly to him. "I fucking ran over here when I heard the cops had been at your house. I was about to go to the hospital thinking the worse when my dad told me they had brought you here." He said into my ear causing goose bumps in my skin. He finally placed me down and cupped my face with his hands.

"Are you alright? Did these fuckers hurt you? Piss you off? Push you around?" He sounded so out of breath, but before I could even open my mouth, he sighed loudly. "Shit, speak!"

"If you would let me!" I shouted and he gave me his crooked smile. His hands dropped to my shoulder. "I'm fine." I simply said and he didn't look convinced. He _did_ still look tired as hell. He hadn't shave, making him look more of a mess.

A beautiful mess.

"I heard he's on the run." He said and I just nodded. "Don't worry, Bella. They are going to catch him."

"I'm not worried. I'm happy. He's freaking gone." I said and he shook his head.

"Don't be so naïve Bella. He can come back."

"I want to be naïve. I'm finally free of him. Can't you see that?" I said angrily and pulled away from him. He was ruining this.

"I just think you should still be alerted."

"I am." I said and he sighed while running a hand through his hair. As he moved a little, I spotted Dr. Cullen standing a few feet from us, just staring. He looked confused.

He told his dad.

"You…you told your father. Didn't you?" I asked in a whisper and Edward looked behind him. He looked back at me and didn't answer. Instead, he looked down at the floor and shook his head. "When did you decide you could tell someone?" I asked and I didn't understand the anger in my voice. I should be happy that he had the courage to tell someone and that he looked for help.

"This morning, when I went home."

"Why?"

"I told you I would get help. Besides, my dad knows people that can help and I couldn't possibly do _nothing_ again. I had to do something. Nobody punches you and gets away with it." He said and he almost looked hurt. "You mad?"

"No."

"Are you mad at me?"

"No."

"Then why do you look pissed and why do I feel like an asshole?"

"I'm sorry. I just felt weird that someone else knew." I sighed. "Is he the one who called the cops to tell them?"

"He came all the way over here and reported it. He was pissed. He gave me an ear full for not talking earlier, but he wanted to help. He also thinks it's weird that we're friends. I made him promise he wouldn't tell anybody." He said smiling, but for some reason, his words stung.

"Of course you did. Why would you want anybody to know that you're my friend? That would be shit, right?" I said sternly and Edward's smile quickly faded away. He shook his head and he looked like he wanted to say something but instead kept it to himself. He would never have the chance to tell me whatever it was, because mom and Phil walked up to us.

"Bella, lets go home." Mom said while looking at Edward. She didn't ask about him or talk to him and for that I was grateful. I snatched my eyes away from Edward and walked with my mother, Phil and some cop who led us out the back doors to avoid the local news reporters.

Phil gave us a ride back home. He apologized that this was the way we had to first meet and I just shrugged. I still wasn't comfortable with this guy. Just because Father was gone, didn't mean he could move in and be my friendly step-father.

The entire ride was filled with chatter between mom and Phil. I stared out the window of Phil's truck. I thought of Edward. That was all I thought about lately and it was pissing me off. I don't know why I had snapped at him back at the station. I wondered if it had to do with the fact that he acted to weird today at school. I started to regret the way I acted, because I didn't want to lose his friendship. Then again, the only reason he was my friend was because he felt bad and felt that he needed to "have my back."

The only reason he wanted to be my friend was now gone.

Phil dropped us off at our house and we immediately spotted the black car.

_Yes, really smooth and cautious FBI!_

As we entered our house, my mom starting cleaning all the mess the damn FBI had left behind.

"Mom, leave that. It's late and we're both tired. You should get some rest." I said and she sat on the kitchen floor.

"I know baby, but I know I won't be able to sleep. The whole town will know about us by tomorrow morning."

"They can all go to hell." I said and sat next to her and pressing by back against the refrigerator.

"Also…how are we going to manage? I don't have any money and your father certainly didn't leave us any."

"We'll get jobs."

"Jobs…"

"Yes. I heard the diner is hiring and the Newtons need someone at their store. You and I can get a job." I said and she laughed.

"I haven't worked since I was 18. Charles didn't want me working." She laughed darkly.

"Well, today is the day I guess. Besides, now we can buy food and not get bitched at and we don't have to wait or depend on anybody else."

"Honey, I'm glad you see the positive."

"I do and you should to!"

"What about your school?"

"I'm still doing well and I'll keep at it."

"What if he comes back?" We both stayed silent. A few minutes later my mother sighed loudly.

"He won't. He said he wouldn't, but you know him. He could change his mind." She said.

"I doubt he will back any time soon. Besides, the freaking FBI is after him. Why would he come back here? They would catch him before he would get to us." I said trying to not only convince her, but myself as well. We stayed silent again. Mom grabbed my hand and held it tightly.

"That Edward boy likes you." She said and I snapped my head to her.

"No, he does not!"

"No? I thought…well it's just that he showed up at the station today. I thought it was really sweet of him."

"He just feels bad for me. He'll get over it in a few days and move on."

"I don't know him. All I know is that his family is rich and his foster parents are really pretty." I chuckled. "But the way he ran to you and hugged you…say what you want Bella, but that boy cares about you."

"Yeah, well that boy has a funny way of showing it. He's bipolar too." I said and she laughed. I had not heard my mother laugh like that in a long time.

"All boys are, baby. When they act funny, it means they like you."

"That's stupid. I'm becoming a nun and never getting married." She laughed again causing me to laugh with her.

"Your father is being chased by the FBI and here we are talking about boys!" She said laughing again and then she started crying.

"Oh mom." I wrapped my arms around her as she sobbed into my chest.

"Promise me that we're going to make it baby." She cried.

"I promise mom." I said and a knock at the door made us both jump. "I'll get it." I said standing up, but my mother held my arm.

"No baby, I'll get it. It's time I start acting like the adult." She said and I rolled my eyes. I followed her to the door and she gasped as she opened it. There were two men in suits holding Edward by his arms. Edward looked pissed, tired, irritated and embarrassed all into one. I wanted to laugh, but didn't think it was a good idea.

"Mrs. Swan, we found this individual trying to sneak into your house. He said he was a friend of the family. But we just thought a friend of the family doesn't try to sneak into the house. If you say he's a friend and not a foe, we'll let him go." One of the men said and mom turned and looked at me as if asking me what to say. She sort of looked like she wanted me to save him as she was giving me her puppy eyes. Edward looked at me, but didn't bother pleading. He already knew my answer.

Jackass.

"He's my friend." I sighed loudly and annoyed and the men pushed Edward foward. Edward huffed and said something not audible, but he was probably using language my mother wouldn't approve of. The men left back to their car and Edward just stood at the doorway. He looked at my mom and she placed a hand on her waist.

"So are you going to stand there all night, young man? Or are you going to present yourself?" She asked and Edward shook his head. He cleared his throat and stood up straight.

"Mrs. Swan…"

"Renee."

"Renee…I'm uh…um."

"You forgot your name? Well, Bella baby you sure know how to pick your friends." Mom said and I rolled my eyes at her.

"Mom!"

"Alright, Edward get in." she said and Edward hesitantly walked into the house. My mother closed the door behind him. She walked over to me and gave me a hug.

"I'm going to take a shower and go to bed. I'm sure we have a big day tomorrow. Are you going to school?"

"Yes, though I'm dreading it, but I can't miss much more school. I'm pretty sure they'll…"

"I'll make them shut up. Nobody will mess with you." Edward said and both my mother I looked at him. He quickly looked down at his shoes and my mother smiled.

"That's sweet of you Edward." She said and gave me one last hug. "See you in the morning." When she left, I thought Edward would loosen up, but he stayed by the door.

"It feels weird being in this house without having to sneak around." He said and I smiled. I sat on the couch and looked at him. He got the clue and walked over to me, sitting down at the other end of the couch. Somehow that felt wrong.

"Your mom is okay with me being here? It's kinda late. How does she know my name?"

"She knew about you already."

"What? You told her?"

"No, she caught us. She just never told me she knew until this morning. She walked into my room one night when we were asleep. She doesn't mind. I think it's because she's happy and _thinks_ I found a friend or something. She's crazy." I said and didn't dare look at him. Why was I acting so…

"Why are you acting like a bitch?" He whispered forcefully.

"Why have you been acting like an asshole?" I questioned back and he looked away.

"I was…I uh um… I was mad you…sort of." He mumbled.

"That makes no damn sense."

"It fucking does in my wormy brain."

"Well, would you mind explaining so that _my_ wormy brain can understand?"

"You didn't text me or call me this morning like I asked." He muttered and I chuckled. He was full of shit.

"Oh! I'm sorry. I guess I forgive you for acting like an asshole, because it's _my_ fault. Sorry I was too busy worrying that my father was still around to kick my ass and bruise my other eye in round two. I'm _soooo_ sorry Edward!" I shouted and I didn't give a crap if my mother heard. I huffed and turned away from him.

We sat in silence for a long time. We were pissed at each other and we both had too much pride to make it better. I didn't know how to begin. I suck at this and so does he. Our friendship was screwed. If there was anything left of it.

Finally, he sighed loudly and scooted over to me and got so close his leg was touching mine. He took my hand in his and intertwined our fingers. I still didn't look at him. He shook my hand a little trying to get my attention.

"I'm sorry for acting like an asshole." He said, but I ignored him. I was acting like a child, but I didn't care. "For fucks sake Bella! I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me. You could at least help me."

"What wrong?" I asked…still not looking at him.

"I've never tried to make shit better with someone that I piss off. I don't even try with my mom and here I am trying to apologize to _you_ and _you_ won't even look at me! Look at me!" he said and I turned to face him still not amused by him. We stared at each other for a moment until he cracked and smirked. I rolled my eyes and he chuckled.

"Shit Bella." He said with a smile and pulled me into his arms. My arms went around him. It was instinct. He kissed my forehead while and tried to find the spot in his warm chest that I loved. I snuggled into his embrace and he sighed. His arms tightened around me.

"I can't believe he's being chased by the FBI. He won't get you ever again." He said and I closed my eyes. "And nobody is going to give you shit at school. Those assholes will have to deal with me first." He said and I smiled.

"You can't possibly stop the whole school from saying something." I said into his chest.

"Watch me!"

"You're silly. Don't worry about it. I don't care what they say. Nothing they say or do can mess with my joy right now. He's gone. Gone, Edward."

"I told you…"

"I know what you said and I won't forget it. But now, all I want is to enjoy. Can you understand?"

"Yeah…I guess I can." He sighed.

"Good." I said holding him tighter. We didn't say anything for another while. I started to doze off when I felt his warm lips on my forehead again.

"Bella?"

"Hmm."

"You asleep?"

"Yes."

"Really?"

"You're an idiot." I giggled lowly and he chuckled.

"I have to tell you something."

"Well say it."

"I don't want you to keep thinking negative shit about us. I hate that."

"What can you possibly mean by that?" I asked and he pulled me away from his chest so that I could look at him in the face.

"I mean about earlier. I don't give a shit if people know we're friends. Do you understand? You're my fucking my friend and they can kiss my ass and then after that, they can kiss _your_ ass." He said and I smiled causing that crooked smile of his to make an appearance on his pretty lips.

I don't know what took over me or what gave me the courage, but I lifted my hand and gently traced his lower lip with my finger tips. I wished they would press against mine again. I want to remember how they feel. His smile faded away once again and he closed his eyes. I quickly pulled my hand away, afraid that it was too much as he shook his head.

_I can't forget that he kissed me. I wonder if he forgot already._

He opened his eyes again and smiled at me.

"We're friends. I promise not to act weird or different with you anymore." He said smiling.

_Huh?_

"Okay…" I simply answered to his promise.

The bad thing is that Edward didn't keep that promise.

Edward did act different with me.

For two weeks, Edward failed to remember what he had promised me that night. He did threaten or stop anybody that would pick on me or say anything about Father. But things weren't the same anymore.

He didn't ignore me like he had done that one day. He smiled at me and said hi in class. But there was no more talking or laughing. He didn't sneak into my room every night like he used to and when he did; he wouldn't say anything or hold me. He wouldn't even look at me half the time. He would sit as far as he could from me and only stayed for a few minutes and then would make something up and leave. He didn't follow me outside during lunch and he didn't text or call. He didn't even do tutoring with me anymore.

He was so cold.

It hurt.

I stopped myself from crying a few times and punished myself for even thinking that he should do those things. I began to doubt his friendship. I began to think he just didn't care as much as he used to now that the threat was gone.

And it was…for now.

The FBI kept their agents outside our house, but they began to lose hope that Father would be stupid enough to come back. Agent Molina would visit us often and explain what they were doing. He said that since it was reported that he might be violent and dangerous, that the mission to get him was more serious now.

Mother didn't start looking for a job until the second week. She was looking in Port Angeles because she didn't want to work in Forks. I rolled my eyes. I had applied at the Newtons' sporting goods store and at the diner but they had yet to call back. I guessed nobody wanted to give me a job since my father was being chased by the FBI. It was going to be harder than I thought.

In the process of the two weeks, Valentines Day came around.

It was the worst day of…well…not the worse of my life, but I hated it to death.

The Cold One, it was how I began to call Edward, decided that he was going to give Tanya a big teddy bear, a box of chocolate hearts and other cheesy shit people give each other this ridiculous day. I didn't give a shit, I swear I didn't. But what hurt more and I have no idea why it had pained me so much, is that he kissed her in front of me. I knew he knew that I was watching because he had seen me before he did it. It wasn't just a tender or brief kiss; it was an I-want-to-suck-your-tongue-until-you-moan kiss.

I have no idea why I just stood there and stared at him do that. He pushed her against the lockers and she started giggling her slutty giggle. He tickled her and kissed her neck and I just couldn't take it anymore. I ran into the restroom and locked myself in a stall. I held back the stupid tears and tried breathing out the stupid ache in my chest.

It fucking hurt and I hated it.

_He kissed me once. Why did he have to kiss me? He ruined everything! Doesn't he remember? I'm so stupid._

A wiped away the few tears that managed to escape my eyes and washed away the evidence that I was bruised by the Cold One. I swallowed the knot in my throat, but couldn't get rid of the ache in my chest.

Alice and Angela still sat with me during art and on that day Alice decided to let me know how much of a douche bag her brother was being.

"I can't believe he gave Tanya that stupid bear. He has never given anybody anything on Valentines Day. It just doesn't make any sense."

"Maybe he likes her." I said and even as I said it my chest ached worse and I wanted to slap myself.

"No he doesn't, Bella. He can't stand Tanya. Besides, the way he's been acting lately, I wouldn't have thought he was in the mood to give Tanya, out of all people, a Valentines gift."

"How he's been acting?"

"Yeah, he doesn't sleep and he's been moping and brooding around and looks like shit half the day. I mean, Edward has always been emo, but lately…he's just pissed and anxious more than usual. I have no idea why. I think I know why, but…"

"But what?" I asked. I hoped Alice wasn't freaked out by my obsession with the topic. She sighed and studied me before she spoke. I hated when she did that.

"I just thought I had seen a glimpse of the future and this wasn't supposed to happen. Edward wasn't supposed to give Tanya Denali a fucking teddy bear and make out with her in the fucking hallway." Alice shocked me with her cursing. Edward must be really frustrating her. "He was supposed to fall for…ugh…nevermind. I just need to stop believing in fairy tales and stop thinking that emotions and feelings can change people. My brother is still a fucking douche." She went back to her drawing and Angela did the same.

"He isn't Ryan Philippe." Alice whispered to herself.

"Who's Ryan?" I asked and she snapped her attention back to me.

"Um…uh…you know the actor. Used to be married to Reese until he was an idiot and cheated on her…"

"Nope"

"Geez Bella, have you ever watched _Cruel Intentions_?" she asked and I shook my head.

"We should totally have a girl's night and watch that at my house!" Angela said wiggling her eyebrows at me and Alice jumped.

"No! We can't!" Alice shouted and Angela and I looked at her confused. "I mean…I hate that movie." Angela still looked confused…I was still confused. "My point is…" Alice continued noticing our confusion. "Ryan's character in that movie is such a fucking douche bag. So much so, that if he were real I would cut off his balls and force feed them down his throat." Angela and I both giggled. "But he meets a girl, a really nice girl and changes. He changes and he isn't a douche bag anymore." Angela and I didn't say anything back. Mainly because we still didn't know what the hell she was trying to point out. "That shit doesn't happen in real life I guess." Alice said defeated.

"It is a movie after all." Angela said and I nodded.

"I know…" Alice answered.

"Have you gotten glasses or contacts?" Angela asked as she caught me squinting at the board. I was grateful she had changed the subject.

"Nope. I want to though. I can't see anything and it's frustrating." I said and she smiled.

"My dad is an optometrist in Port Angeles. He might give you a discount."

"Thanks, I'll keep that in mind." I said and turned to look at Alice.

Alice was sad again.

I didn't understand.

Edward decided that Valentines Day was a good day to get drunk and sneak into my room. Mother wasn't home so I didn't have to worry about her freaking out. I asked him to leave numerous times, but he would ignore me. His feet got caught with my bed sheets and fell onto the floor. I rushed to him and took his head in my hands.

"Oh my god! Are you alright?" I asked worried as hell but he just laughed and I wanted to slap the shit out of him. He took one of my curls and started twisting with his fingers as I held him.

"Valentines is bullshit. You wanna know what else is bullshit? Love. Yep, love is bullshit." He slurred as I caressed his cheek.

"Let me guess, Tanya turned you down?" I asked and he furrowed his eyebrows in confusion.

"Who?"

"Tanya…" I repeated and he started laughing.

"Yep, she broke my heart." He laughed and I didn't understand him. "I don't give a shit about her." His laughter died out as his eyes caught mine. He gently caressed my right cheek with the back of his fingers and let out a broken sigh. He cupped my cheek and gently pulled me closer to his face. I closed my eyes as I felt the warmth of his touch all the way into my once aching chest. He suddenly jumped up. "Um…uh…I gotta go." He said nervously and stumbled his way out of my room.

I didn't stop him. He would make the ache come back.

That was the last time he snuck into my room.

I missed him.

I missed Edward.

Maybe he was only my friend because he wanted to make sure Father wouldn't hurt me anymore and since Father is now gone, there is nothing that holds him to me anymore. He just didn't want to hurt my feelings and has forced himself to give me scraps of our former friendship. But he didn't understand that this was hurting me more. I wish he would just go away. I don't need his scraps. I've never really had more than one friend when Jacob was around. His friends never liked me and after he left I never had another friend and I made it. I survived. I don't need Edward's pity friendship.

_You do need him. You've said it yourself. You care too much._

Ugh!

Well, it's just too bad that he doesn't need me.

I should just get over this. Forget Edward Cullen and go back to the way things were before he snuck into my room that one night and before he decided to talk to me. He didn't hurt me that way. Sure he teased me, but that was expected of him so it didn't hurt. I'm tired of hurting.

So I decided I would play along and began to ignore him instead. I didn't looking for him in the lunch room and when I walked into English class, I avoided looking at him as I made my way to my seat. He seemed not to care as instead of asking me for things, he would ask Angela.

I hurt again. What had I done wrong?

But this was how it was going to be and I had to get used to it.

We were going to be off on Friday because of some teacher thing and I knew I wouldn't see him again until Monday. It was kind of comforting since I wouldn't have to deal with his coldness, but I felt that with every passing day I didn't seem him, he slipped farther away from me. I didn't stand a chance. He was eventually going to disappear and I had to get used to the idea.

On Thursday, during English, I was doing my usual squinting and he caught me.

"You still haven't gotten glasses?" he asked.

"No." I muttered. I didn't turn to face him as I was too afraid. Yep, things are going back to normal and pretty soon.

"Well, what are you waiting for?" he sounded upset and I didn't understand why it bothered him so much.

"Money!" I snapped and he didn't say anything back.

Class ended and it was I who left the class before everyone else. I angrily threw my stuff into my locker and I slammed it shut, Edward scared me as he stood next to me.

"I'm sorry." He said lowly and I shook my head.

"For what? Scaring me or pissing me off?" I asked walking away. It didn't matter as he was right by my side. "People might see."

"Who gives a fuck?"

"I don't, how 'bout you?"

"Nope."

"Hmm, ok."

"You really need money to buy glasses?"

"The little money we have is running out and we can't get a job. Yes Edward, I need money to buy glasses."

"Where are you going?" he asked as we made it outside.

"Home…school is over for today."

"Oh…well see you around." He muttered and left.

_Just leave me alone._

I like days off from school. I get to sleep. I thought I would get to sleep today, but I was wrong. I was wakened by my mother knocking on my door.

"Bella baby, you have friends here."

_Huh?_

"What?" I said with a voice still heavy with sleep. My mother didn't answer and instead opened door a little wider to let in the two people I didn't wanted to see right now. I just wanted to sleep.

Alice and Angela walked into my room all smiles and giggles and I groaned. They were inside my room! How could my mother let this happen?

"Rise and shine Bella, we have a busy day ahead of us!" Alice shouted.

"What time is it?" I groaned and they both giggled.

"It's around nine in the morning."

"What? You do realize it's a day off from school and you should be sleeping?" I said and Alice rolled her eyes.

"You can do that tomorrow. Get up lazy ass!"

"Oh my god Bella! You're like a_ forealz_ artist! Look at all of these drawings, Alice!" Angela said and I groaned again burying my face into my pillow.

"Totally! You're so gifted, Bella." Alice said and I ignored them.

"Oh my god, that one looks like your brother Edward, Alice!" I quickly sat up.

"Alright, where are we going exactly?" I said and they both giggled and sat on my bed.

This was weird.

"We are having a _girl's day_ in Port Angeles!" Alice squealed.

"Oh well, have fun." I said and I was about to lay back down when Alice and Angela placed their hands on my back.

"You are coming with us, silly girl."

"What? I have to ask my…"

"Nope, already done. I think your mom likes us." Angela said and I shook my head. Alice giggled but when she caught sight of my arms, both she and Angela stayed silent. They looked as if someone killed their dog. I hated being the cause of this. They were just bruises!

"Um I guess I'll get dressed." I really didn't want to go since I didn't really trust crazy Alice and Angela, but if this is what it took for them to get out of my room as soon as possible, then I would have to endure…_girls day_.

I threw on some jeans and a t-shirt. I made sure to put on my green sweater before I headed out to see the girls this time. I found Alice staring at my closet.

_Yes Alice, I don't have any clothes because I don't have any money._

She turned to face me and her face lit up.

"Ready?"

"Sure…" I said and both girls squealed.

This was going to be a long day.

It was weird riding in car with people my own age. I felt out of place the whole ride to Port Angeles. The girls knew each since forever I guessed and they knew their own music tastes and talked about people I didn't know. Alice would try her best to include me in the conversation by asking me things, but I never had a clue. It was really nice of her though.

I hadn't seen Port Angeles in years and it had seemed to have grown a lot. There was a lot more people walking the streets. Our first stop was at some shopping plaza. I walked behind Alice and Angela as they led the way. We passed all the clothes stores and ended up at a doctor's office. It took me a few seconds to realize that we were in an optometrist office.

"Um…" I managed to say when Angela wrapped an arm around one of mine and sat me down on one of the blue chairs in the waiting area. Alice sat on my other side.

"So remember when I said that my dad was an optometrist and that he could give you a discount?" Angela said and I nodded. Discount or no discount, I didn't have any money. "Well I sorta' begged him and so he decided that instead of a discount, he would see you for free."

"What? I can't do this Angela. This is too much!"

"Don't be silly, Bella. Besides you have to be able to see your homework!" Alice said smiling and wrapped her arm around my other arm.

This was too weird.

We waited for a while until a girl in scrubs led us into a dark room. They made point some letters out through some machine and blew air in my eyes. It had been a while since I last visited an optometrist office so it was all still weird.

Angela looks like her father, but he is even sweeter than she is. I didn't think that was possible. I felt so weird taking free stuff. He had to keep asking me to stop thanking him. Alice and Angela decided for me and I had to go with contacts which I didn't oppose to, because I could see everything so much better. At first it felt weird sticking something in my eye ball and then leaving it there, but it wasn't painful. I did spend about ten minutes trying to learn how to put the damn things in my eyes. Angela's father explained that my vision had worsen since my last visit and it would continue to do so until I was 30, so I had to come back often.

"So how does the world look now?" Angela asked and I smiled at her.

"Amazing…thanks Angela." I said with a hint of guilt.

"Thank me again and I will puke! Seriously stop Bella. It was my pleasure." She said.

The next stop was a hair salon. I thought Alice and Angela would get their hair done, but to my surprise the hair dresser called my name.

"What? Um…I…"

"It's okay Bella. We got this." Alice said and pushed me into a chair.

"I can't just let you pay for this!" I said and Alice smiled.

"Don't worry. Just let Lita," she pointed at a tall red head. "take care of your hair. This is all part of my master plan!" she said and I looked at her confused.

"Your plan? What's your plan?"

"Um…uh to make you look hot…yeah." Alice was full of crap, but I decided not to question her.

Lita cut my hair, not much, just enough to make it "awesome" according to her and Alice. She rubbed some creams and oils in my hair and curled it. She gave me the stuff she was using plus a curler. I told her I didn't know how to use it and she spent ten minutes showing me how to curl my hair. When I finally looked at myself in a mirror, I realized my hair did look "awesome." I couldn't help it and hugged Alice and Angela a little too tightly.

I thought this would be it and surely Alice was broke by now, but no. We ended up in a clothing store. No, multiple clothing stores. It didn't matter how much I protested, I was always over ruled and shoved into a dressing room with arms full of clothes. I thought this day was for them, but they hardly bought anything for themselves and instead spent their time looking for things that would "make my skin glow" or "make my brown eyes pop" or "make _him_ drool." I didn't understand who this _him_ was, but I didn't ask either. Alice made sure to find everything long sleeved. She even found a pretty _green_ sweater that wasn't raggedy or worn out like mine. It was "girlie." I think I love Alice.

Until she got me some "boy shorts" and insisted that I wore them to sleep, because it was "cute."

I almost broke down the first time I tried on some clothes they had picked out for me. I stared at myself in the mirror of the dressing room. I covered my bruised body with brand new clothes. The smell of new was wonderful. I stared at myself for a while until Alice knocked on the door. This wasn't Isabella Swan…I liked it. It was Bella-ish. We went from store to store. I can't understand why girls like to shop. This was exhausting.

After we visited a cosmetics store in which they sprayed and rubbed crap all over me, we finally made it back to Alice's car. They stuffed all the bags in her car's trunk and we headed back to Forks.

"So how was your first experience of girl's day?" Alice asked, looking at me through her mirror.

"Fun…but exhausting." Both girls giggled.

"It's not over!" Angela said and gave an Alice a look which let me know they were keeping something from me.

"And if you're hungry, we can make some sandwiches!" Alice said.

"Make? Where are we going now?" I asked afraid of the answer.

"To my house." Alice said smiling. Her house? Doesn't Edward live with her?

"But um what about uh…" I really didn't want to see him.

"Don't worry. Nobody is home. It will be just us girls." Alice said.

To say that the Cullens were rich was an understatement. They were freaking banking it. Alice giggled and pretended to close my mouth with her hand when I oogled their amazing house. I followed her and Angela up some stairs, passing a family portrait. Edward didn't look too happy in the picture, while Alice and Emmett and their parents grinned from ear to ear.

I guess Edward was right. He didn't seem to belong.

"This is my room!" Alice said as we walked into a large room. It was two times the size of my room and it was much more "girlier" and neater than mine. Alice threw a few bags on her bed and started "fixing a look" for me. I didn't understand what had made them play dress up with me, but I was too much of a coward to say anything or protest. She handed me a white long sleeved blouse to wear and some dark jeans.

I had never worn tight jeans before. I mean these weren't _that_ tight. But the jeans I always wore were too loose on me and this felt weird. As if hanging around Alice and Angela wasn't weird enough.

"Your ass looks drool wordy in those jeans!" Angela said and I looked at her confused.

"Is that a good thing?" they both giggled and in unison answered that it was a very good thing.

"Who knew Bella Swan was bootylicious!" Alice teased.

The bruising around my eye was gone and Alice didn't spend too much time with make-up. She said I was "a natural beauty" and that my skin didn't need anything, but that a little touch would make me "glow." I seriously didn't understand all this make-up and clothes talk. I felt like maybe I should fight back and said "no more" and leave, but I would be lying if I said that I didn't enjoy this. I was an only child and have spent most, if not all my life, alone so this attention and _girl time_ was nice.

The girls ate sandwiches while I nervously waited for them to take me back home. I wanted to leave before _he_ got here. It made my hunger disappear so I just picket at my ham sandwich. It was sad that I was trying to avoid him. It used to make me excited to see him, now I fear it will only hurt. It hurts every time I see him.

"Nice piano." I said as I spotted it as we entered the leaving room. "You play?" I asked Alice and she shook her head.

"Heck no I suck. Its Edward's piano. He's freaking amazing."

"Edward plays piano?" I asked too interested for my own good.

"Yep. You should ask him to play for you one day." Alice said with a suggestive smile.

"Don't! He'll make your panties fall." Angela giggled.

"Angie, I'm going to ignore that you just had a pervy thought about my brother."

"Oh come on it wasn't that pervy!"

"Um yeah it was…you should apologize because…" Alice stopped joking around when we all heard a car pull up to the house. Alice ran to the window and then ran back to us. "He's here!" She squealed.

"Who?" I asked and she composed herself.

"Um…uh Edward." I didn't understand her or Angela's sudden excitement, but I had to hide or leave. I serisoulsy could not…would not face Edward today. Not with all this crap on my face and tight jeans.

"Um I have to go to the restroom." I said nervously and they both shook their heads.

"Oh no you don't!" Alice said and took my hand in hers. I could feel the heat of embarrassment and nervousness in my neck. The door suddenly opened and he walked in.

"Alice! What the fuck? Why did you park your stupid car like that?" he yelled and walked into the living room where we were. "You know it's fucking hard for everyone else to park their…" Edward was talking to his sister and had glanced at me, but stopped mid sentence to look back at me. His eyes wandered over me. I felt almost naked by the way he examined me from head down.

"Bella?" he asked breathlessly and I knew I was biting my lower lip as the pain surged through me, but I couldn't help it.

"Duh stupid. It is Bella. Doesn't she look amazing and pretty?" Alice asked nudging her brother. He gulped and didn't move his gaze from me making me feel uncomfortable. "Doesn't she?" Alice nudged him again.

"Very…I mean yes." Edward said nervously. He shoved his hands in his jeans and looked like a shy school boy. Alice giggled and silently clapped.

"So you were saying Ed?" She asked wiggling her eyebrows, but Edward wasn't paying attention to her. "Earth to Edward!"

"Uh um your…" Edward mumbled and it caused Alice to giggle a little more. I finally tore my eyes away from him and looked down at the floor. "Alice can I talk you in the kitchen?" He asked and without waiting for her to answer, took Alice by the arm into the kitchen. I sighed and walked over to the couch and sat back down. Angela sat next to me and wrapped an arm around me.

"You okay?" she asked and I smiled at her.

"Yeah, just kinda' tired." I muttered and she nodded.

"I understand." No Angela, you don't understand. I'm tired of this situation and confused by it all. The most frustrating part is that I confuse myself more than anything else.

Alice and Edward walked back into the living and I quickly looked away. Alice sat by Angela and Edward stood around, throwing glances at me. I ignored him as I had made it my mission and I was determined to succeed in it.

"Alice and Angela, thank you for everything. I will spend a lifetime thanking you. Um…but I would like to go home now." I said lowly and Alice and Angela looked at each other disappointedly.

"Um ok…let me just get my purse and the bags. Um…" Alice looked around and then jumped. "Angie, come with me!"

"Sure!" Angela jumped up rushed upstairs with Alice leaving Edward and me by ourselves.

Traitors…

I nervously sat at the end of the couch, picking at the ends of my sleeves while he stood in the middle of the living room…staring at me. He cleared his throat, but I ignored him. He sighed.

_Oh the power of the ignore game._

He sat at the other end of the couch and I found it funny how just a few weeks ago we found ourselves in the same position, but we were actually talking. The ache started again.

_Bella, what the fuck? He did this! Get over it and flip him off! Stop thinking about it. He probably doesn't give a shit that it fucking hurts like hell._

He doesn't.

Though I had not once looked at him, I could feel his stare. Not once had he looked away and his breathing was heavy. He scooted over a little closer to me and placed a hand by mine.

"Um…Bella I…" he started but he was interrupted by Alice.

"Bella!" Alice shouted and rushed down the stairs with bags in her hands. "I have to rush Angela home and her mom needs me to do something for her. You will have to ride along or…"

"I can take her home." Edward said and I wanted to protest and say I'd rather walk, but Alice was already thanking him and asking him to help her take my bags out of her car so I could take them home. We walked outside and I ignored Edward the whole time, not once looking at him. I knew he was looking at me and more than once he wanted to say something, but decided against it.

"Geez Alice, did you buy the whole fucking store!" Edward huffed as he placed the last two bags of clothes in his Volvo.

"They were a lot of sales every where and its not my fault Bella looks great in everything!" Alice said as she walked over to me. She hugged me and I had no choice to hug her back.

"Thanks Alice." I said and she shook her head. She pulled me away and placed her hands on my cheeks.

"No problem. It made me happy to spoil you. Besides…I'm going to owe you pretty soon so this is the least I could do."

"Owe you?"

"Shh. I told you I can see the future. You're gonna help me and my family out and you won't even know how. But I'll remind you and point it out when it happens." She whispered a little more serious this time. I didn't understand what she meant, but just went along with her words. "We're gonna be great friends." She said and hugged me one more time. "If that's okay with you…" I giggled.

"Of course."

"Yes!" She cheered and finally let go of me. I caught Edward staring at us and quickly looked away. Angela hugged me goodbye and gave me her and Alice's phone number. She and Alice left, leaving me standing by myself with Edward in the Cullen's driveway. I didn't move as I stared at Alice's car disappear and didn't know what to do now.

He cleared his throat.

"You wanna go now?" he asked lowly and without looking at him, I walked over to the passenger side of his Volvo and jumped in. I stared at my hands that were placed in my lap and didn't move my eyes as he jumped into the car.

He turned the engine on and hooked his iPod into the car's sound system and the car started moving. I stared out the front window and prayed we could get to my house faster so I could get out of his gaze. He kept glancing at me and he thought he was being discreet about it, but more than once he swerved a little. He cleared his throat trying to act to normal.

"Hate Me_"_ by Blue October started to play and he quickly grabbed his iPod and changed the song. He left it on some song by Coldplay while he searched for a song. He finally found what he was looking for. "I'll Be Your Lover Too" by Van Morrison. I rolled my eyes.

"You like this song right?" he asked nervously and I nodded, giving him an answer without speaking.

I hate Edward Cullen.

_No you don't!_

No, I don't. But I wish I did so I could curse him out and tell him to rot in hell.

_No you don't!_

No…I don't.

The song ended and he didn't bother picking another song though the iPod had stop playing and now we were riding in silence.

_For god's sake, please pick a song. I can't bare the silence._

We finally made it to my house and before he could place the car in park, I opened the door and got out. I walked to my door and unlocked it and remembered my bags and sighed. I walked back to his car to find him waving at the FBI car. They waved back.

_Huh?_

He opened his trunk and I grabbed as many bags as my small hands could grab.

"I can get the rest, Bella. Geez." He said as I struggled and I didn't want him to spend time in my house, but I guess he could just leave the bags by the door and leave.

He didn't.

He followed me all the way to my room and placed the bags on top of my bed.

"Do you need anything else?" he asked and I shook my head.

"Thanks, but no." I said…still not looking at him. I crossed my arms and waited for him to leave.

"Um…alright." He said and turned to leave but quickly changed his mind. He walked over to me and pulled one of my hands away from me and into his hand.

"Bella…" he whispered, but I didn't look at him. He pulled me close to his body and placed his lips into my hair. "I just wanted to say…" his breath hit my ear and I shuddered. He wrapped an arm around my waist and pulled me into his chest.

I would regret this. This would surely hurt later when I replayed it in my mind a hundred times.

"You're beautiful." He whispered and I could feel the blood rushing to my cheeks and the tears threaten. I closed my eyes.

_Do not cry. Do not cry. Do not cry!_

What does he want from me?

"So fucking beautiful." He said breathlessly and pressed lips on my ears. "And you smell so fucking good."He slowly grazed my skin with his nose until he reached my eye lid and pressed his lips there. He placed another kiss on my cheek. "You do shit to me and I fucking hate it." He said still breathlessly and pressed lips on my jaw. I could feel the muscles in my belly tightened, heat in my face and I was starting to have a hard time breathing. I was so lost.

He gently turned my body to face him after placing a kiss on my neck. He pressed his forehead against mine after he had placed another kiss there. I placed my hands on his chest to hold myself up. I opened my eyes to find him with his closed. He placed his hands on my hips. My shirt had moved up a little to expose some skin and when his fingers touched me, I let out a shaky breath.

Couldn't he feel that to? He must have felt it to.

He slowly opened his deep green eyes and stared at my lips. I wanted him to do it. I needed him to do it.

I wanted him to kiss me.

He lowered his lips and with a finger under my chin, raised my face higher to meet his. I gripped to his shirt tightly and waited.

I wanted this.

He neared his lips to mine and our breaths clashed. I had no idea why I was breathing so heavily, but I was and so was he. My heart pounded in my chest.

He returned his hand to my hip and closed his eyes. He shook his head and pulled his face away from mine. I felt the tears run down cheeks and the anger from his rejection bubbling in my blood.

"Why are you doing this?" I cried. He pressed his forehead against mine again and wrapped his arms completely around me, holding me tightly.

"I don't know." He said in a broken whisper.

"Do you know how much it hurts?"

"Yes…like hell. It fucking hurts." he sniffed.

"Then why do you do it?" I chocked and he shook his head.

"I don't know." He repeated.

I had enough. Who the hell did he think he was? He didn't know? He didn't fucking know why he played with me this way? I let out all of my bottled anger for him; for what he did the last two weeks and for luring me in and then pushing me away. I shoved him away from me, by slapping his chest with my two hands.

"Then get out!" I shouted and he looked surprised by my reaction. His eyes were red and he looked hurt, but I couldn't find it in me to care at this moment. "I said get out!" I shouted and pushed him again. He stumbled back but didn't leave.

"Bella… please…" he pleaded effortlessly and I shoved him again and he reached my room's doorway. I was going to shove him again but he caught my arms and pulled me to him, but I wasn't going to fall for it again. "Bella…" he stopped as pulled my right arm away from his hold and slapped him across the face.

"Get out of my house Edward…and don't come back." I cried and he held his redden cheek. I pushed him farther away from my door and rushed into my room and closed the door in his face. I fell back on my door and slid down until I met the floor. I brought my knees up to my chest, wrapping my arms around them and cried into them.

"Bella, please." He knocked, but I ignored it. "Please open the door, Bella." He cried.

"Just leave me alone Edward. Please…please…please leave me alone. What you should have done from the beginning. Just leave me alone…please." I cried into the door and the knocks stopped and few minutes later his footsteps down the stairs and the closing of the front door assured me he was gone.

And I was alone.

* * *

**Listening to "My Love" by Sia while writing that last part left me emotionally unstable. What in the blue hell is going on with Edward? How about with Bella? Does she even know? And what is the little evil pixie aka Alice doing? **

**This chapter was much longer than I expected which makes me happy I cut the first part and made it a chapter on its own.**

**Again and always, thanks crazy9girl for the banner.**

**Another huge thanks to Chiara0075 who sent me a banner as a gift. It was really sweet of her and made me feel special that she would go and take her time and make an awesome banner for my story without me even asking for it. It was really sweet! Check it out the link for it on my profile or go here **

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**P.S Review button + you= me totes luvs you. bahaha**


	19. My Mind is a Cage

**AW, I think I received some of the best reviews ever last chapter. Thank you everyone. I love you all. Sorry for being late, Edward wouldn't shut up or stop whining.**

**I had planned a MUCH longer chapter, but I decided it to cut in half as I know long chapters can be a drag and it was going to take me longer to update. The second half hurt to cut, but it will be chapter 20 instead and posted sooner than you can say "Edward, I want you baby" um… **

**Title of this chapter is inspired by Arcade Fire's song "My Body is a Cage". I think "mind" fit Edward better. Lovely song. Its one of my favs and it's on the ATTY Edward POV song playlist. For this entire chapter I listened to that and Andvari "Sigor Ros". It's beautifully sad. Please listen to it to. Its on youtube, I'm sure. **

_Ch 19/Edward/My Mind is a Cage_

_My body is a cage that keeps me, f__rom dancing with the one I love  
But my mind holds the key  
I'm standing on a stage  
Of fear and self-doubt  
It's a hollow play  
But they'll clap anyway_

_~Arcade Fire_

"How do you manage to fuck up anything good that happens to you?" Alice barked as she slammed my door open.

_Why?_

I've asked myself the same thing for the past few days.

_What the fuck am I doing?_

The slamming of my door brought me back from a heavy sleep. My head pounded and I wanted to fucking puke my guts out as I sat up in my bed. I brought my hands to my head and squeezed my eyes shut.

Hangovers suck balls.

"Answer me asshole!" Alice was using bad language with me. She must be really pissed.

"I don't know what the fuck you're talking about! Get the fuck out of my room!" I yelled and looked up. Alice was not taking my bullshit. She yanked the bed covers off from me to reveal my pathetic state. I was still wearing last night's clothes, shoes still on and an empty bottle of vodka at my side.

_Pathetic, I tell you._

"You know exactly what the hell I'm talking about! Tanya? Really? You fucking kissed her!"

"I've done it before. I didn't hear you bitch then!"

"But it wasn't until you…ugh! You're pissing me off!" Alice shouted in her high pitch voice making my head ache worse. She paced around my room while I tried to clear my vision and bare my headache "And then, to make matters worse…you did it in front of _her_." She said sadly. "You should have seen her face…"

"I know. I saw it too." I said lowly, ashamed of myself and the bullshit that I do. But I have to. They will never understand. Alice and _she_ will never know. If I don't do this now, the guilt I already feel, will worsen as I will manage to fuck something up eventually.

_And then the fucking bet!_

It's been hanging around my neck like a heavy chain and suffocating me every time I'm reminded of what kind of monster I was. Ever since I kissed Bella and ever since she said _those words_ in her sleep. I realized that Bella wasn't the only one in need, I was to. Ever since I realized my need for her was more desperate than I had originally thought, my mind has been filled with guilt and panic.

Panic that I would hurt her…

Guilt I felt, realizing that I had already done that.

I have to get away. Even if it's the death of me.

I had to keep my distance from Bella.

I promised I would protect her. And I will. Even if it's me I have to protect her from, I will. She can think I'm asshole, but she'll get over it soon. And I'll stay the asshole and it'll kill me that she thinks that of me, but she'll be okay.

That was all that mattered.

I decided it.

It started the night Bella told me her story. It started the night I kissed Bella.

_Yes, I kissed Bella._

I don't know how many times in the past few days, I have replayed that same scene in my mind, wishing it for it to happen again. I don't know how many times I have kicked myself when I would start to forget how her lips felt against mine. When I started to forget how warm she was and when I would start to forget her smell, I would ache. It hurt like hell.

Bella seemed upset after I kissed her and I felt like a fucking asshole for shoving my lips on her when she had just told me about her fucked up past. She didn't even kiss me back, but that wasn't what has me so fucking twisted. That wasn't what had me so lost.

I stayed in Bella's room all night. I was so paranoid that fucking asshole she had for a father, would come back and hit Bella again. I stayed and I didn't sleep. I would think about random shit and then I would slip into thinking about Bella's lips and when I felt myself dozing off, I would slap myself awake. I don't know how many times I walked over to the balcony door to check if Charles was home, but I really wasn't keeping count.

When I wasn't checking for Charles, I pulled at my hair or forcing my eyes to stay open. I had to stay awake…for her. But fuck, I was tired.

My eyes and body decided to fight me harder and I had finally fallen asleep. I began dreaming about something I can't remember now, when I suddenly felt a small and warm hand moving across my chest. I snapped my eyes open to find a sleeping Bella, wrapping an arm around me. She gently placed her head on my chest and mumbled something incoherent. I didn't know what else to do, so I wrapped my arms around her.

Holding Bella…

I like holding Bella.

A lot…maybe too much.

Her strawberry scent hit my nose and her warm body, soft and small, was so comforting. I decided I would go to sleep, this was too comfortable. I would surely hear when _psychopath_ Charles got home. I would hear his cruiser driving into the driveway or his big boots walking into the house.

But that's not what I heard.

What I heard would haunt me for days to come. I would replay it a million times like a fucking sadist when I found myself alone, which would be all the time.

Bella nuzzled her face into my chest and sighed. She then gripped my shirt and then those words left her pretty little mouth.

"I love you." She whispered, so low I could barely hear her. She then kissed my chest, sending a weird, but holy spark of warmth all over my body.

Those words are what have made me a sick man today. I'm sick and I'm hurt. I hurt myself and I have made myself sick. I'm sick with misery and hurt with confusion and hollowness. I've done this to myself, but I can't think of anything else I deserve.

At first, I freaked out and decided that pulling me away would be the best thing. I didn't sleep for the rest of the night. When Bella woke up the next morning, she acted as if she had not said those words to me. I was angry with her. Why did she have to say them? I can't stand those words. Worthy, I have not been of those words. How dare she? She's fucking selfish.

_Did she even mean you? You're such a douche! Get your head out of your ass. She was dreaming. Why in the world would she be dreaming about you, jerk? She clearly wasn't having a nightmare, hence…you not being there._

She probably didn't even direct those words at me and she probably doesn't even remember saying them. She was asleep after all. But I was still fucked in the head. I didn't know how to act around Bella anymore. It was fucking stupid how three words freaked me out.

I ignored Bella. More like, I fucking acted like she didn't exist. I knew I was confusing her and she was probably sad about it, but I couldn't help myself. It's like my mind and body know when to stay away from anything that shows affection. It's like a defense mechanism. They're afraid to get hurt.

I'm a fucking coward.

I told Carlisle about Bella and Charles when I got home after spending the night with Bella. Carlisle and Esme were sick of me sneaking out and wanted to know, so I figured what better time. Bella needed someone responsible to help her. I'm nowhere near responsible. I had promised Bella to help her and she sort of had agreed. I wasn't going to sit around anymore, waiting for Charles to lose his fucked up mind again and smack her across her pretty face again.

Carlisle barked at me. He was fucking pissed I had kept it from him, but I was glad I had told him as he was determined to help her. He skipped work just to talk to the police. I wanted to go with him, but he made me go to school. Esme gave me this weird look when I had told them about spending time with Bella. She almost looked hopeful or pleased, I didn't understand. They both promised not to tell anybody about me being befriending Bella. People would hurt her in some way…people at school. I wouldn't control myself if they did. I couldn't really get into more trouble.

I was paranoid that Bella would fucking hate me for telling my dad, but then I realized I sort of wished she would have some negative of idea of me. If she did, it would create some distance between us. I figured that is what I needed…what _we_ needed.

It sounded like a good idea…at the time. I just had to detach from Bella and she wouldn't need me…I wouldn't need her anymore. We would move on and she would finally find some happiness with someone that can give her everything and anything. She would be with someone that gave her the peace and freedom she deserved, not with some asshole like me.

But I fucking need her.

_Why do you need her?_

Because I…fuck you inner voice. I just do, alright?

_Acting like an asshole will push her away._

It will.

I fucking hate it_._

I tried my asshole act that same day, but the look of pure sadness on Bella's face, kept making me pull my hair out in frustration. It took everything in me to keep from going to Bella's locker and making some bullshit up so she wouldn't be pissed at me.

I'm not going to lie…I spied on her a few times during the day. I stared at her while she tried to open her locker. I found myself smiling at how she had her lip caught in between her teeth and how she furrowed her eyebrows as she concentrated on her lock. I chuckled.

This isn't working.

I suffered the whole day…I really suffered. It wasn't until I spotted a very angry Bella shoving her shit into her ugly truck, that I decided that I could at least say "hi".

I could do that and calm myself a little. I needed to see how she was doing. I had worried all morning, because she didn't text me to let me know she was alright. This would be relief for me. I'll just make sure she's alright and go on with my plan of detachment.

I failed. I ended up hugging and holding her. I wanted to take her to my house. I wanted to hide and protect her from the monster.

_You've turned into such a pussy, Pussward! Are you forgetting that yourself are an asshole and a monster? If Bella knew all about your bullshit past and all the shit you've done to people, she would surely hate you. Why don't you do that? Tell her about the things you've done, white trash!_

If my inner voice had a face, I would punch it.

That night, after Bella got home from the police station, I wanted to check and see how she was doing. I promised this would be the last time I would act like this. I promised myself I would keep my distance from her after this night. Just this once…just one more time…

I was such a fucking loser.

As soon as I felt Bella sitting next to me on her couch, I wanted to take her in my arms. This _need _was getting out of hand. She was becoming an addiction and like an unmotivated drug addict, I kept going for more and promising myself that "next time" I wouldn't. I would stop, but right after I would get one more Bella fix_. I swear Bella is worse than heroin._ I swore that this would be it. But when Bella snuggled into my chest, like always, it was hard to find the negative side in it all. It felt…right. It was a fix alright. I decided that I was just being a pussy and that I was just freaked out. This could work. Bella and I could be friends. I didn't have stay away from her and most importantly, I wouldn't hurt her.

I could be the good guy for once.

But then she looked at me with those big brown eyes and I saw it. I saw the happiness in Bella's eyes, now that Charles was gone. Bella's life was starting all over again. She had so much going for her now. I was supposed to ruin that. I was supposed to ruin her. And even If I tried not to, I would eventually hurt her. I would say or do something selfish and stupid and she would hurt. I wouldn't be able to live with myself knowing that I ruined Bella's second chance at life. She didn't deserve for me to fuck this up for her. I needed to stop being selfish for once in my fucking life and stay away from Bella.

She doesn't deserve it.

I deserve hell.

I'm never going to be the good guy.

I have spent the last few days ruining things on purpose. I wanted to start off slow, so I decided that talking to Bella less would eventually lead to not talking at all. Sneaking into her room less would lead to not sneaking into her room at all. The first time I decided to skip on sneaking into Bella's room, was the worst night of my life. I kept pacing around my room and thinking the worse.

What if Charles gets back?

What if he hits her again?

What if Bella needs something?

What if Bella falls while taking a shower and nobody is there to help her?

What if Bella is hungry?

What if Bella cuts herself? She's scared of blood and she is such a klutz.

What if he _kills_ her?

I grabbed my keys and headed for her house. I didn't go into her room. She didn't even know I was at her house. I did what I have been doing for the past few days, I sit with Steve and Carl.

Steve and Carl are the two FBI agents that were sent to protect Bella and her mom and the same assholes that embarrassed me in front of Bella's mom. They laughed at me the first time I asked if I could stay with them in their car. They laughed when I said I wanted to watch over Bella. They teased me and said I was such a "lover boy" and I wanted to tell them to go fuck themselves, but they were pretty cool to let me stay in the back seat all night long.

The guys had interesting conversations and made me laugh sometimes. But most of the time, I spent my nights with my forehead against the car window and my eyes glued to Bella's balcony door. I wondered if she was drawing when her light was on or if she was actually sleeping when her lights were off. I ached. I desperately wanted to rush into her room and sleep in her warm bed with her warm body in my arms. But I knew that with every passing day, Bella was slipping away. It would be impossible for me to go to her now. She wouldn't open the balcony door for me, even if I scratched at it like a dog.

The door was closed for me.

Especially after last night…

I was alone at my house. Carlisle had taken Esme out to Port Angeles for a fancy and romantic Valentines Day dinner. Emmett took Rosalie out and Alice was picked up by Jasper.

I was alone.

I realized this would be my life. It had been my life. Ever since my real father left me and after my mother decided I wasn't a good enough reason so stick around, I knew it in my eight year old mind that I was to be alone…always.

I realized that I had never comprehended the concept of being alone, until this moment. I always said that I liked being alone and that is how I wanted it to be. But after spending so much time with Bella, I realized that now that I have pushed her away, loneliness aches. I cursed at her and blamed her for making me feel like shit. But the truth was that it was my fault. It was my own fault I felt like the worst asshole of all time. It was my fault that I walked around like a zombie and that I was alone.

It was all me.

But I had to do it.

I decided that a bit of vodka could make my self loathing and self pity go away. I drank a whole bottle in my bed while I sang to Van Morrison and struggled to think about anything else that wasn't Bella. But I failed of course and I banged my head on my headboard. I stared off into space and mumbled the words to "I'll Be Your Man," which I had left on repeat.

_Fucking Bella…what the hell did you do to me? Fuck…_

The door to my room opened, but I ignored it. I let the pain and vodka take over my body and closed my eyes. I felt a hand caress my chest and smelled expensive perfume. I didn't move. She began sucking on my ear lobe and her hand went lower down to my stomach. She began sucking on my neck when her hand reached my pants. She began rubbing me and while my dick and balls appreciated it, I felt like I was going to vomit. I snapped my eyes open to find Tanya sitting beside me.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" I growled and pulled away from her as if she was a disease. Knowing her, she probably was.

"Geez, Eddie…calm down." She said. "You didn't invite me anywhere for Valentines Day and I know your brother took Rosalie out and Jasper took Alice out. How about you and me?" She whined.

"How the hell did you get into my house? I should call the fucking cops on your ass!"

"Don't me mean, Eddie. I knocked but nobody answered. It turns out the front door was unlocked." She said and bit her lip trying to look sexy. Bitch didn't know she wasn't sexy and nobody's lip biting could compare to Bel…ugh. I need to get her out of my mind!

"Tanya, don't fucking call me Eddie! How many times have I fucking told you that? What the fuck do you want from me?" I shouted. I'm an asshole, but she's a stupid girl. Stupid girls put up with assholes. Maybe I belong with Tanya? I wouldn't be ruining anything.

It was ridiculous that just playing around with that last comment, made me feel like shit for thinking about it when Bella existed somewhere out in the world.

_It's not like she was your girlfriend?_

"Oh baby, it's just that when you gave me that teddy bear and those chocolates, I so thought you would ask me out tonight." She whined and I groaned. That fucking teddy bear.

Mike had decided to give Jessica something for Valentines Day to make up for the shit he did. He thought by getting her a stupid stuffed bear, she would forget that he cheated on her. Turns out Jessica didn't even want to look at the damn bear or Mike's stupid ass. In a kiddy fit, Mike threw the bear and chocolates on the floor. I just so happened to walk by and pick them up when I saw Tanya standing at her locker.

Bella would be there. She would hate me for this. This was it. The last straw and Bella would move on. She would forget about me and be safe. She would stop giving me those sad looks. She would stop looking at me with those big brown eyes, asking why I'm acting like an asshole. She would stop looking at me period.

I walked over to Tanya and acted like I was happy to see her. I worked my charm on her and shoved the teddy bear into her hands and she squealed like the damn idiot that she is. She hugged me and I glanced over at Bella. She looked confused, sad, hurt and I knew she was in pain. I was in pain by just looking at her. I shoved my tongue down Tanya's throat and made her moan. I shoved her into the lockers. A few months ago, this would have been fun. This would have turned me on. I would have taken Tanya outside and I would have fucked her against the school wall. I would have felt like a champion for making Tanya moan and squeal. But now, I felt like a complete asshole and I fucking hated myself as I pulled myself away from her. Bella's running footsteps confirmed to me that I had done it. I turned to see if I could catch a glimpse of her and I did. She looked so upset and hurt.

I had done it.

You usually feel proud when you succeed at something. I felt like an asshole.

I walked away from Tanya without saying goodbye and punched a few lockers on my way to mine. I kicked my car on when I reached it and slammed the door to my room so hard that it made my wall shake.

Why is this so hard? Why is creating distance between Bella and me so fucking painful and unbearable?

"Tanya, look…I'm sorry I confused you but…" Tanya knew I was trying to get rid of her and she wasn't having it. She pulled out a bottle of vodka from her purse and gave me a smile.

"I know it's your favorite and I thought I could get you something since…"

"Just open the damn thing!" I ordered a bit too harshly, even for Tanya, but she jumped up like I had asked her to give me a fucking blow job. What can I say, Tanya liked to give head.

I drank the whole bottle by myself. Tanya took a few sips and said it was fucking gross. She laid beside me and I felt like a cheater or a fucking traitor. This felt wrong. I wanted to tell Tanya to get the fuck out, but before I could say anything, she attacked my mouth and threw herself on me. She tasted wrong and her lips weren't warm and soft. Her body wasn't small or fragile. She didn't smell like strawberries. Her eyes and hair weren't brown.

She was all wrong.

All fucking wrong!

Somehow I had ended up on top of Tanya and in between her legs. I pulled myself away from her and tried to sit up, but she pulled me down. She pulled me by my shirt and wrapped her legs around my waist.

"Baby, I want to. We haven't in a long time!" she whined.

"Tanya…I c-c-can't. I'm fuck-ing drunkkk." I slurred and my room started spinning.

"Just pretend you're not and fuck me! I don't care." she demanded. I tried to clear my vision by rubbing my eyes. Tanya started sucking on my neck again and I felt disgusting. I tried to pull her away, but I was too drunk and I didn't have any strength. I looked for her arms to pull them off and tried moving my head away from her. Somehow I managed to pull her away from me and pushed her against the bed. I opened my eyes as I hovered over.

"_Just pretend…"_

There she was. Big brown eyes and creamy and soft skin, with tiny freckles on her nose…Bella. My Bella…beautiful Bella.

She smiled at me and I swear I fucking sighed out of joy. The small dimpled on her chin and how amazing a smile looked on her pretty face, made me chest ache.

"I miss you." I whispered brokenly and I could feel the tears running down my cheeks and the knot in my throat.

"Then come back." She whispered. I kissed her deeply, wishing it was really her. I groped her body in need, holding her tight to me, but she felt wrong. I moved my face into her neck sobbed for a few minutes like the pathetic piece of nothing that I am. I violently pulled away again and sat up.

"Get the fuck out my room Tanya!" I barked.

"But Eddie…"

"Please! Just leave me alone! You're wrong! You're all wrong! Get the fuck out!" I shouted and I wiped away the stupid tears_. I was such a pussy_. Tanya quickly got up and fixed her skimpy skirt and looked at me confused.

"What the hell is wrong with you, Edward? You're not the same anymore. We used to have mindless fun. You were fun…a little sad, but still fun. But now you're a walking depression…something really fucked up is going on with you. You need some fucking help!" She yelled and slammed my door shut as she left.

"I know…" I cried into the emptiness in my room.

Immediately I felt guilty. I sobbed into my pillow. I was too drunk to function and all these emotions were taking over. I was such an idiot. I felt the need to run to Bella and ask her to forgive me for making out with Tanya, but why the hell should I apologize? She was just my friend…nothing more…now she's nothing.

Why should she care? I bet she doesn't. I bet she doesn't even give two shits about me.

I threw my pillows across the room and something broke, but I didn't give a shit.

I stood up and stumbled down the stairs of my house. I decided I wasn't in any condition to drive, so I walked. I walked to Bella's house. I might have fallen a few times, but I wouldn't remember or cared. As I tried to climb the tree up to Bella's room, Carl tried to talk me out of it as I was too drunk, but Steve told him to leave me alone. I would learn my lesson my falling on my ass. But he failed to understand that I _needed_ to see Bella. My_ need _helped make it into Bella's room. Her door was unlocked, but it didn't mean she wanted me around.

She asked me to leave. I was probably freaking her out or she was pissed at me. Either way, Bella didn't want me around. I pretended it didn't bother me, but I could feel the ache in my chest. I still remembered the day she took care of me.

_Is that what you want asshole? For Bella to take care of you? Is it because mommy didn't do it?_

Fuck you inner voice! I just enjoyed having someone give a shit without asking for anything in return. Bella really gave a shit. I could feel it. I could see it. And now…I don't even have that. I have nothing.

I ended up on the floor in Bella's room. She asked me if I was upset because Tanya turned me down. I laughed.

She had no fucking idea that she was the one in my every thought.

My mind held me in its cage and tortured me with pictures of her. It replayed videos of the moments I have shared with her every hour of the day and made sure to remind me how I felt when I was with her and how I feel now. I was becoming a crazy caged animal and she had no idea how much I needed her to open the cage and tell me that it was okay for me to need her. I wanted her to tell me that she felt the same way for me and that she would fight for or with me, like I would. I would fight for her, but I was trapped in my own mind's cage. My only company was my self doubt and self pity.

She held the key and she didn't see it. I wanted her to set me free so I wouldn't feel this agonizing guilt and fear. I let myself have hopes of freedom when she held me in her arms as I laid on her room's floor. The way she looked at me and caressed my head, gave me hope and I didn't want it, because I knew I would fuck it up. I was a contradiction to myself, but again, it was all product of the cage I was trapped in. I was losing my mind. Her lips seemed like doors to a world I had never been to, but desired. It was a world with her and where I wouldn't feel this guilt and where I would be worthy of her friendship.

Somehow the word "friendship" didn't seem like a good enough word to describe what I wanted.

I found myself caressing her face and bringing her face down to mine. I wanted to kiss her again and peak at the world I wanted, but the demon inside of me reminded me of who I was and I did what all cowards do…I ran.

I fell down the tree and Carl and Steve helped me up. They didn't tease me and it probably had to do with the look on my face. They promised they wouldn't say anything about me being a minor clearly under the influence. They said it was "a bro" thing. "Women do that to us guys." They said they "understood."

Whatever.

Nobody understands me. I don't understand me.

Carl took me home and Steve stayed to look over Bella. He only did it because I begged him to stay. Well, "cried" could be another word to describe my pleading for him to stay with her.

Now at noon, I sit with Alice on my bed, while I stare at my wall. Nothing helped. Not even the fucking vodka managed to clear her out of my mind. I was going to die. This was too much to take.

_You're such a fucking melodramatic teenager!_

Yeah…well…I guess.

"She acted like nothing in art class, but I know she was hurt. Why are you doing this Edward? She needs you around." Alice said after we had spent ten minutes in silence.

"You wouldn't understand."

"Try me!" she demanded.

"I just have to. She'll be fine."

"Probably. After all you have told me about Bella, I know she is a strong woman. She is tough and brave even if she doesn't know it. She'll probably move on and make new friends and stop hurting, but how about you, brother?" Alice always knew what to say to make me question.

I kinda' hated her for it.

"I'll just be the brooding asshole everyone knows me to be. It'll be no different."

"It could be. It would be if you gave yourself a chance. Edward, you love…"

"Alice, please! Just drop it!" I had to stop her from saying those damn words. I would never say them. I wouldn't even admit it to myself.

"I can't. Bella needs you. You helped her get through shit and now you're going to leave when the shit leaves? You just can't do that to her!"

"It's for the best. You'll see…she'll find someone else to make her happy."

"But what if she wants that person to be you?" I chuckled darkly at Alice's words.

"Yeah right! The white trash kid! The guy with a dad in jail for drug dealing and a mother buried six feet under ground, probably still full of dope. The guy that agreed to take her virginity for money and pride. That fucked up motherfucker is the man for her! She's so fucking lucky!" I said sarcastically and laughed to hide my quivering lower lip and the knot in my voice. Alice shook her head and looked at me sadly.

"Is this what it's about? There you again, assuming things. You assume Bella would judge you. She wouldn't care about your past, Edward."

"Yeah, but what about me now? She would care when she found out what I agreed to do to her. She would fucking hate me. I'd rather have her thinking I'm the asshole that let our friendship die." I said and Alice took my hand.

"I love you Edward, because I see who you really are. You're not this monster that you think you are. Honestly, I'm tired of your "I hate me" bullshit. You need to stop this. You're a considerate, warm and strangely beautiful person. Show that person to Bella and I'm sure she'll love you to." She whispered and pressed her forehead on my shoulder.

"Don't say…"

"Yeah I get. Don't say love. It's a shame really. It's a beautiful thing. You deserve it and so does she." She said and I couldn't say anything to that. She kissed my cheek and jumped off my bed. "Just think about it. I love you brother." She said and walked out of my room.

"And I you sis." I said into my pillow, but she was gone.

Bella ignored me. She only had lunch in the cafeteria once, as it was raining bullets outside. I stared at her the whole time, but not once did she look toward me. English was torture. I was forced to be so close to her. I desperately wanted to touch her, but I held back and as a distraction talked to Angela.

I knew Angela and Alice had sort of befriended Bella and I couldn't help but feel joy that she finally had friends. I asked Alice and Angela how Bella was doing and they would tell me what Bella had told them throughout the day. I sort of felt bad that Bella was telling them her shit, thinking she could trust them, but they would tell me if I asked. I didn't understand why they were so willing to inform me of Bella's state. I don't know if it was because they could see the desperation in my face, but I was willing to bet on that.

On the last day of school, before our three day weekend, I caught Bella squinting and it angered me that she was still struggling to see. I asked her why and I sounded a bit too harsh, but she made sure to let me know that was a money issue. I could tell she just wanted me to leave her alone.

I was trying.

After school, I headed over to the bank before they closed and withdrew $500 bucks from my savings account and headed to the one person that could help me.

"Why are you giving me $500 bucks?" Alice asked confused. "I know you love me, but…"

"Well you shut up? They are not for you. They are for Bella." Her eyes widened as I said her name.

"Um…"

"She needs glasses. I don't know how much an eye checkup is or how much a pair of glasses are, but I think this can cover both" I said seriously and Alice's mouth fell open, but she then smiled and jumped on me. She wrapped her arms around my neck and squealed.

"You're so sweet!" I rolled my eyes.

I've turned into such a soft piece of shit. I've grown a vagina. Though I would like to think that I'm a lesbian…

"Why don't you take her yourself? I'm sure it would help with…"

"She wouldn't go with me. I'm sure she would rather walk around blind instead of having me buy her glasses. She likes you and I know she won't want to at first, but I know you sister. You're evil and I'm sure it won't be hard for you to convince her." I said and she nodded.

"You're right. Don't worry. I'll help you."

"Promise me you won't tell her…"

"I won't!"

"Call me if you need more."

I spent my free day with Jasper and Emmett. The guys wanted to play pool and just hang around. I sat on Jasper's couch and watched Emmett and him play. I wondered if Bella would be happy that she could see clear now and I found myself smiling at the idea. I texted Alice, asking her if they were done in Port Angeles and a few minutes later, she texted back saying they were busy. Emmett's phone rang and the smile that appeared on his face let me know it was Rosalie. I rolled my eyes at him.

_Whipped pussy!_

Jasper sat at the other end of the couch and turned on his TV and we spent another few hours playing video games.

What a waste of fucking time!

Jasper asked me a few times if I was alright.

Was it that fucking noticeable?

I decided to go back home and Emmett stayed back as Rosalie had arrived home and her parents weren't around. I gagged.

When I got home, I realized Alice was back. She parked her car like she was drunk and it was hard for me to squeeze into my space and it pissed me off. It put me in a bad mood. I have a short temper and I was already irritated as fuck. I barked at Alice as I walked into the house.

I looked for her in the living room and found her with Angela and some girl. I bitched at Alice, but stopped mid sentence when I realized the "other girl", wasn't just some other girl…it was Bella. My Bella, just all dolled up. Her hair was a darker chestnut brown color and curled and her clothes were tighter than her old clothes and fitting to her small frame, revealing some curves.

Yes I was fucking checking her out and drooling.

Fucking Alice…

I love that pixie…

She asked me if I thought Bella looked "awesome" and "pretty." Silly Alice, Bella looked beautiful.

Yeah I fucking said it.

I was too busy marveling at the perfection that was Bella, that I ignored Alice's questions. I took Alice into the kitchen to talk, after I realized that I would surely get a visible boner if I kept staring at the way that blouse made Bella's boobs look juicy.

Did I just say fucking refer to Bella's boobs as juicy? I wanted to fucking kick myself in the balls.

"What the fuck Alice?" I angrily whispered. "I thought I said to get Bella glasses, not go all "What Not to Wear" on her!" I said through my clenched jaw. She giggled.

"I can't believe you know the name of that show!"

"Fuck off! Where are her glasses? I don't see any!"

"You're not supposed to see them. They are stuck to her eyeballs." Snarky Alice was so fucking annoying.

"Contacts?" I asked and she nodded proudly. "How come I didn't think of that?"

"Because you're an idiot, but I love you."

"So I'm guessing it was pretty cheap since you got Bella a haircut and a new blouse and some jeans…" I said and Alice giggled.

"Um something like that…" I glared at her. "Angela's dad gave her free contacts for six months and did the check up for free. I took the liberty in buying Bella a few bags of new clothes…" she rushed the whole sentence as if it would make me less upset.

"Bags?"

"Do you not want Bella to enjoy some new clothes? The poor girl doesn't have much."

"Yeah…I guess. I'm glad my money could be used for good. But why make-up? My Bella doesn't need that fucking shit on her face. I can't even see her freckles!" I sounded like a whipped pussy myself, but I didn't care. How dare she take liberties with Bella's face?

"I'm going to ignore that you said "my Bella" and ask you. Don't you like the way she looks? I mean, I know she is naturally really pretty, but did you not see her?"

"I did."

"And?"

"I like it. She looks amazing."

"Then why are you bitching?"

"I like being a dick." I smirked and she rolled her eyes and headed back to the living room. I followed behind and when Bella saw me, she quickly turned away.

I caused this.

Alice made some bullshit up and it was obvious she wanted me to take Bella home so I volunteered. I was a really bad idea. I couldn't stop staring at her. I was so fucking distracted; I almost lost control of the car a few times. She filled my car with her scent and I could feel her warmth on the passenger side. I wanted to reach out to her.

I'm pathetic, but how the hell can anybody blame me? Bella…she was…um…just…

I felt like a moron after I decided to play "I'll be your man" by Van Morrison, because clearly Bella didn't appreciate me putting it on. It probably reminded of her of how much of a dick I am. Not that she needs reminders. I didn't know what the hell I was trying to do. I felt like were back in square one. It felt like the time I gave her a ride for the first time. I felt like we weren't close anymore and I couldn't stand the feeling.

I wanted her to mouth the words like she did last time. But Bella just stared out the front window.

Thankfully, we made it to her house and I didn't have to be in this suffocating position. I waved at Carl and Steve while Bella opened her door and they waved back. Bella tried grabbing all her bags, probably thinking it would stop me from helping her and going into her house, but she needed help. I offered to help and she agreed…annoyed of course.

As we climbed up the stairs, I couldn't help but stare at Bella's ass. Those jeans were sent from the jean gods. They were especially made for Bella's perfect round ass…I need help.

We headed to her room, passing some baby pictures of her on the walls. I smiled as I followed Bella into her room. I wanted to know the stories behind those pictures and I didn't even know why. This was all weird to me.

We finally made it to her room and I placed the bags on top of her bed and nervously turned to face her. No matter how many times I glanced at Bella or studied her face, her beauty never failed to amaze me. She stood in the middle of her room, waiting for me to leave. Her lower lip in between her teeth and I sighed at that full bottom lip.

_I want to taste it again. What if I just have one more taste? One more…_

_Get the fuck out of here!_

"Do you need anything else?" I asked and I knew she would say no, but I wished she would say yes and ask me to stay.

_Please, Bella give me an excuse to stay. I want to stay with you. _

"Thanks, but no." she answered while crossing her arms on her chest and my heart sunk. She refused to look at me and wanted me to get the hell out of her house.

I ached.

It hurt.

"Um…alright." I said hoping she didn't hear the knot in my throat. I started walking to her door when I inhaled her scent again.

_I haven't told her._

There was so much I wanted to say. Hoping I could fix this a little.

I don't know what made me do it, but I did.

I quickly turned to face her again. I slowly walked over to her and I could feel my hands shaking and my heart pounding. I reached out and took one of her hands in mine and I immediately felt her warm skin and I held in a sigh.

"Bella…" I whispered. I had no more strength or will. "I just wanted to say…" I pulled her into my chest and wrapped my arms around her waist and I was angry that she let me. She should slap me and tell me to go fuck myself. She should hate me, but here she was letting me hurt us even more. But maybe she wanted this just as bad as I did.

I loved the way her ears popped out of her hair. I placed my lips on one of them, just letting them graze it. I inhaled my favorite smell and I could feel myself shake.

"You're beautiful." I don't know how I had managed to say it or where I had found the balls, but I felt as if I didn't say it, I would explode. She whimpered at my comment and the sound with straight to my dick. All of a sudden, I was so intoxicated by her smell and sounds and so turned on.

"So fucking beautiful." I whispered again and I was surprised at how out of breath I was. I slowly grazed her creamy skin with my nose until I reached one of her eye lids and pressed my lips there. I placed another kiss on her cheek. "You do shit to me and I fucking hate it." I hated that I had no control over my own body around her and I just wanted to touch her. This "distance bullshit" was really fucking with my mind. As soon as I was close to her, my body demanded to get _closer_. I pressed my lips to her jaw and I desperately wanted to run my tongue along side all of it. But I held back and instead turned her body to face me. I heard her breathing heavily.

I ran my hands to her waist. I kissed her forehead and pressed mine against it after I was done adoring her there. She placed her hands on my chest and I was happy she did. I lowered my hands lower and when as my fingers made contact with the bare skin on her waist, that damn a spark of warmth started from my finger tips to my chest.

_Can she feel that to? She has to…_

I opened my eyes to find hers lazily opened. I stared at her full and soft lips.

Oh how I wanted to kiss her again. I wanted to kiss her so badly. I could feel it my core. I wanted to kiss her forever. I needed to. I fucking needed to. She wanted me to. I wanted to give in and give us both the physical contact we both needed and wished for.

_Bella, I want to kiss you so badly. _

I placed my right index finger under chin and lifted her face a little. I lowered myself so I could press mine to hers, but just as I was about to, I saw how vulnerable and innocent she was. She had no idea of the kind of monster I was. She had no idea that the guy she wanted to be kissed by, agreed to fuck her for money. She had no idea of the trash I was, and yet here she was willing to let me kiss her.

She had no idea I how badly my body ached for hers and how much I wanted to push her into her bed and have my way with her. I felt like such an asshole for wanting to fuck her when all I've been doing lately is hurt her. When I almost fucked Tanya while thinking it was her…I was a disgusting human being. I realized this was never going to happen.

I was never to have Bella, not only physically but emotionally, because I didn't deserve her. I deserved a girl like Tanya or some other stupid girl. Not Bella. Not her and her innocent and perfect spirit. She deserved so much better. She could still have her first real kiss and it wouldn't be by some asshole.

I shook my head and pulled away from her.

Her eyes watered and her lower lip trembled. She felt rejected. She had no idea how much I did want her. Her tears ran down her cheeks and I had managed to hurt her yet again. It was the only thing I seemed to be good at. I pressed my forehead against hers again and wrapped my arms around her body, holding her tight to me.

"Why are you doing this?" she cried and I wanted to explain everything to her, but there was no use.

I had to let her go.

But I did answer with honesty.

"I don't know." I whispered brokenly. It was the truth. I don't know why I had done this or why I needed her so much. I didn't know.

"Do you know how much it hurts?" her voice broke with each word.

"Yes…like hell. It fucking hurts." I sniffed. I held my back my own tears.

"Then why do you do it?" She choked and I shook my head.

"I don't know." I said disappointed I couldn't tell her. Bella's face and eyes hardened and she furrowed her eyebrows. She suddenly and unexpectedly pushed me off, slapping my chest, hard.

"Then get out!" She shouted.

It hurt.

"I said get out!" She shoved me again and I begged for her to stop. I tried taking her hands, but she pulled away from me and slapped me in the face.

I took it.

"Get out of my house Edward…and don't come back." She finally managed to shove me out of her room and slammed the door in my face. I could hear her crying on the other side of the door and I couldn't bare the idea and sound of it. It was painful. I begged for her to let me in. I wanted to beg her. I wanted to beg for forgiveness.

But then Bella asked to me to leave her alone.

It was over.

This is what I wanted…but why did I fucking hate it?

I finally gave up and left her house. I clenched my jaw and stared straight ahead as I drove back home. I tried keeping the stupid tears from escaping my eyes as I drove. I shouldn't cry. She was just a friend.

No.

But she was _my_ Bella and I want her.

I love her.

**

* * *

****I know!**

**We didn't get anywhere new, but at least you got EPOV. So….do we still wanna slap Eddie or comfort Eddie and then slap him? I want to do all that and then kiss him. Bahaha**

**Anyway, I was really excited to show you the second half, as very exciting things happen, but it will up soon. It's all written, I just have to make some changes and proofread it (though I suck at that). Give me a maximum of three days.**

**I would really love to hear your thoughts on this chapter. Edward finally realized **_**it**_**! Who has it worse, Edward or Bella? So ****Review button + you= me totes luvs you. Bahaha**

**Again and always, thanks crazy9girl for the banner.**

**P.S I've never gotten teary eyed with my own story, because I'm the one making it up, but this chapter almost did it. Damn Edward.**


	20. The Male Population

**So I hope this was soon enough for you hahaha. Thank you again for your reviews. I love them all, even the ones that urge me to get a beta. (I've tried, but nobody wants to beta a story with so many chapters already posted or everybody takes too long.) So if you wanna be my beta, send me a PM bahaha! Love you all like I love brownies. I really do.**

_Ch20/Edward/ The Male Population_

Realizing you love someone when you don't even love yourself, is something hard to take in. It's difficult to process and I've realized that confusion has led me to have the biggest breakdown in my pathetic life.

I'm not sure how it happened or when everything changed, but I knew_ it_ now. That is all that mattered now. I had realized it now that I had lost her. I also realize that I've been acting like a pussy and like a coward, but the thought of wanting something for myself that didn't involve punishment was strange.

How could Bella be punishment?

She would be a prize.

I questioned that I deserved a prize like her. Why would I? I've done nothing to win her.

It felt like I had been trying to cheat at life. For some reason, I believed I deserved something good to happen to me. My mind kept telling me that she would be good for me, but I wouldn't be good for her. I was tired of feeling this way. Why couldn't I be a cynic? I could be good to her. I'm not good to myself, but I would be good to her. I would be there if she needed me. I would.

So why in the hell was in Carl and Steve's car instead of being with Bella?

"Why did you stop "sneaking" into Isabella's room?" Carl asked making the quotation marks with his fingers. Of course I wasn't "sneaking" into her room, because they would watch me do it.

"She fucking hates me." I said lowly and he smirked.

Asshole…

"What did you do?" Steve asked while scratching his bald spot.

"I lied." I muttered.

"We all do. Nobody's perfect kid. The girl probably likes you. She'll find it in herself to forgive you for whatever it is that you did." Steve said and I shook my head.

"I doubt it."

"Well, let me just say this…" Carl cleared his throat. "If I was a teenage girl and I knew my stupid boyfriend, who lied to me, stayed up until early hours in the morning in a car, looking out for me…I might forgive him…" Carl said and turned around and playfully blew a kiss at me. Both guys laughed and I smiled.

Would she?

Monday came around and I could barely hear my alarm clock going off. I sat up with my eyes still closed and pain in my neck. I was so fucking tired. I had spent all night in that stupid FBI car with my head against the window. Carl and Steve had slapped me awake and I wanted to punch both of them, but I held back. It had become harder to leave that car. Every night I would leave a little later than usual and every night nothing would happen, but I knew I would make myself sick if I didn't spend those long hours in that car.

On Sunday, Carl and Steve broke the news to me that their boss would be removing them from the "Protecting the Swans" duty. Steve got pissed when I punched his passenger seat. I was pissed that they were going to leave Bella and her mother unprotected and where the hell was I supposed to go? Carl assured they would be fine and that the FBI would still have an eye on them. "They were going get the asshole."

I was still pissed.

I didn't look forward to school.

I drove to school in frustration as every other song in my iPod was fucking depressing. If it wasn't sad love song it was a "I hate the fucking world" rock song. Everyone was right, I'm fucking emo. I should start listening to some hip hop. Bah…I don't hate myself that much.

When I drove into the school's parking lot, I immediately spotted Bella's truck and I didn't know why it made me feel nervous and anxious.

I wanted to see her.

But I was afraid to face her. For some stupid reason, I thought she would see it in my face and freak out. Just because I know_ it_ now, doesn't mean she does. Maybe if she did, she would give me another shot. _Bah, in my dreams!_

I didn't see her for the first two periods and I was still anxious as hell. I decided that I could maybe spy on her again. I just needed to see if she was okay. I knew that this wasn't helping me in any way, but it would get me by…for now.

I hid behind some fake plants the school thought made the hall look nice and waited for her to get to her locker. Tanya and Rosalie were in the way, but as soon as they left, I spotted her walking to her locker.

She looked beautiful today.

She had kept her look from Friday. She was wearing another pair of amazing jeans that I would thank Alice for later and another white blouse…long sleeved of course. I smiled as she dropped her books, because it was obvious this would happen to Bella. She rolled her eyes and I chuckled. She knelt down to pick them up, when Eric Yorkie knelt down to help her.

Where the fuck did he come from?

She quickly jumped at his presence. Stupid motherfucker didn't know that Bella was paranoid. He smiled at her and I knew that fucking smile, because it was the same smile I used to get into girls pants. She nervously smiled back and stood up as he picked the rest of her books up. He said something that made her giggle and I could feel the anger boiling my blood. He placed one of her curls behind her ear and Bella blushed red. He was probably freaking her out. I started walking towards them. I was going to knock the shit out of him for touching her and for freaking her out. But my heroic act was interrupted by Jasper standing in front of me.

"Dude, guess what?" He said, but I ignored him. My moved my head to spy on her again.

Eric stroked her shoulder and Bella jumped again, but he was too fucking stupid and oblivious that he didn't notice.

"Did you hear what I said?" Jasper asked and I didn't even look at him. My eyes were glued to Eric and his disgusting hands. _I swear I'm going to kill him! _Jasper turned to see what had my attention and when he noticed Eric and Bella talking, he quickly turned to face me and shook his head. "I'll see you at lunch dude." He sighed and patted my shoulder and left.

Eric finally stopped flirting with Bella and I left before she had a chance to see me. During lunch, I sat at our usual table, staring at the doors, waiting for her come. When she finally came in, I held back the stupid smile that threatened and sat up straight trying to hide my excitement to see her. She just looked so fucking cute today.

I wasn't the one to notice.

When she walked to the lunch line, completely ignoring me, Mike turned and smiled at her. He offered to let her cut in front of him, but she declined the offer with a shy smile. That didn't stop him from flirting with her. She had no idea he was doing it as she just nodded and chewed her lower lip. He was making her uncomfortable, but he to was too fucking stupid. Mike finally said something that caught Bella's attention and I wish I would have known what it was, but Jasper slapped my arm. I turned to look at him and he gave me a confused look.

Jasper wasn't stupid.

I had to stop acting like this around people.

Bella took her food and walked with Mike out of the cafeteria. I fisted my hands under the table and took deep breaths.

What the fuck is wrong with me? Bella can do what she wants. But it pisses me off. Why did fuckface Mike had to walk with her.

Bella didn't come back into the cafeteria.

I squirmed in my seat in English as I waited for Bella to get to class. This was the time of the day where I was so close to Bella I could touch her. I could stare at her and she wouldn't notice sense she sat with her back to me.

English had become my favorite class.

When she walked, she did her usual avoiding eye contact with me and sat down. I could smell her already and my hands began to shake and my heart started to race.

What's wrong with me? I'm like a twelve year old boy with his first crush. But this isn't a fucking crush!

Angela walked in and instead of sitting next to me, she sat on the seat next to Bella. I didn't mind, Bella needed friends and Angela was a cool chick. Some guy named Dean sat in Angela's old seat and I quickly noticed as he stared at Bella. Fucking dipshit couldn't make it any more obvious that he was checking her out.

What the fuck is up with the male population at Forks today? Did these assholes finally realize how beautiful _my_ Bella is? They finally opened their fucking eyes! But she's fucking mine. It's not my fault they finally noticed.

_Oh shut the fuck up. It took you a fucking while!_

Yeah, but I didn't need her to get a makeover. Bella was beautiful in my eyes with her raggedy green sweater and loose and worn out jeans. I even loved those dirty Converse shoes she would always wear. They gave her character. She was beautiful with those oval glasses and messy hair. She's still beautiful of course, but now the fucking dogs are after her.

"So you got the job?" Angela asked Bella excitedly.

Wait? Bella working? Since when?

"Yeah. Mike said I could start tomorrow afternoon." Bella said excitedly. With Mike? Shit. "My mom found a job in Port Angeles. It's so exciting." Bella said and I could hear the smile in her voice. I smiled for her.

"I'm happy for you and your mom. I'm sure it'll go well for you both." Angela said and I wanted to tell Bella that she was right. She would make it. But I wasn't her friend anymore.

I ignored the teacher and thought of a compromise with myself. I could be friendly to Bella, we didn't have to go through this silence bullshit. We could be…acquaintances. It would give me an excuse to talk to her and she wouldn't completely hate me. I wouldn't hurt her.

English ended and I wanted to talk to Bella, but when I called her name, she turned and looked at me for two seconds before turning and walking away. She fucking glared at me.

I forgot that Bella would have to agree too.

I walked to my locker and while I putting my shit in it, Mike, Ben, and Eric walked up to me. I didn't want to see or talk to any of them, but they didn't get my silence. They wanted to go to Port Angeles and do some bullshit. I wasn't paying attention. They followed me to my car and I wasn't even aware of it.

"So what do you think, Cullen?" Mike asked as I put my books in my trunk.

"About what?"

"Going to Port Angeles?" He asked and shook my head.

"Oh come on Edward, it won't be the same without you, man?" Ben said and I just shook my head again.

"Holy shit!" Eric hissed and I turned to the direction where he was looking at. Bella was walking with Alice and Angela down the stairs of the school. For some reason I didn't feel bad that I wished he was talking about my sister or Angela.

"Look at that man!" he said and the rest of the guys looked. "Isabella fucking Swan went from "stay away, I'm freak" to "fuckable" in a blink of an eye!" he said and the guys agreed with nodding and chuckling.

"What the fuck did you say?" I shouted, but the guys were too fucking concentrated on Bella that they didn't notice the anger in my tone of voice.

"I said…"Eric said and leaned his head to a side. I looked back to Bella. She was standing with her back to us and I knew he was checking her ass out. "Isabella is so fucking sexy now. I would fucking bone her in a second." He was so fucking disgusting and I knew that was probably the way I talked about some girls. But nobody talked about Bella like that!

"She is hot. I wonder if she was visited by her fairy godmother." Ben teased.

"Whoever it was, I want to thank them. I will thank them again after I pop her cherry. I bet she's still a virgin. But not for long. Eric, will take care of that! _Come on baby. Eric can show you a good time_…I bet her pussy is tight too." Eric said and I saw red.

I don't quite know how it happened, but a moment later Eric was on the ground holding his bloody nose and Ben was shoving me against my car.

"Dude, what the fuck is wrong with you!" He shouted.

"Don't fucking talk about her like that, you piece of shit!" I shouted at Eric and shoved Ben off. After I had shoved Ben, Eric stood up and tackled me against my car again and we were wrestling until we landed on the ground. He punched at my gut, but the fucking douche didn't know how to throw how to fight. He was swinging like an idiot and I was good at avoiding every punch, but someone shouted my name and I was distracted. It sounded like Bella's voice. He landed his fist on my left eye. It fucking hurt, but I wanted to get back at him so bad and I was about to punch him in the face when two big arms grabbed and pulled me off from him.

"Edward, calm the fuck down!" Emmett shouted and threw me against my car while Mike and Jasper held Eric back. I tried catching my breath and leaned my back against the car. That's when I realized there was a crowd around us…including _her_.

She looked terrified and shaky and I felt like an asshole. I took a step toward her and she quickly took a giant step away from me. She shook her head and held her right shaky hand. She looked at me as if I was _him_.

She was scared of me.

I probably looked fucked up.

She was scared of me.

That was the last thing I wanted.

I had failed yet again.

She was fucking scared of me!

Alice wrapped an arm around her to calm her down. _I wish I could do that_. Everyone was staring at me as I stood there. Nobody said shit. They were all freaked out. To honest Eric deserved it, but I had taken out my frustrations on him. I probably looked like a scary motherfucker.

I found Jasper trading glances between Bella and me.

She looked at me like I was _him_.

She feared me.

She stepped away from me.

My heart broke.

I shoved Emmett away from my car and jumped in. I left the school parking lot and sped my way away from everything and everyone. I drove around for hours not knowing where to go. I didn't belong anywhere. My parents will probably hear about my fight with Eric and kick me out for sure. I didn't really have any real friends. Jasper used to be my best friend, but he and I had grown apart lately. Alice would be too positive and shit and I didn't like it, because she would get my hopes up even though I knew she was wrong. Emmett wasn't the guy you wanted to go to for this kind of emotional drama. He would call me a pussy and tease me.

And then there was Bella.

Somehow I still ended up parked a few houses down hers. I walked to where Carl and Steve used to park their car and stared at the two story white house. It was dark now. I had no idea what time it was, but was it was dark and fucking cold. I shoved my hands into my jeans and walked over to what had become my favorite tree.

It was the latter to my sanctuary.

I sat at on the ground with my back against the tree and stared at the balcony door. Her room's light was on, so I guessed she was awake. A few minutes later the light went off and I waited another twenty minutes before sneaking into her room.

She was asleep when I walked in. She was wrapped around her covers, but somehow her feet still didn't manage to be covered. I chuckled lowly. I knelt down beside her and just stared at the back of her head. I sighed and took in her warmth.

I missed this.

I jumped when she turned to face me, but quickly sighed in relief to find her still asleep. She sighed causing some of her wild hair to blow off her face. Her cheeks were blushed and the tip of her small nose was shiny with sweat. I pulled the heavy covers off a bit from her upper and she didn't budge.

Bella was a heavy sleeper.

I blew warm air from my lungs into my hands to warm them up. I gently caressed her face with two of my fingertips and she sighed again. I smiled and I was about to move in to kiss her forehead when suddenly she took my hand in hers. I looked down at her face and found that she was still asleep. She squeezed and gently tugged my hand as if asking me to stay. I couldn't deny that my heart jumped from the fucking joy, but I knew this didn't count. She was still asleep. But at least she wanted me around in her dreams. I was content with that…for now.

I caressed her rosy cheeks with the finger tips of my free hand and stroked her hair behind her ear. I placed my mouth by her ear and closed my eyes.

"I love you." I whispered. "You don't know that, but I do…now. People say love makes you selfish. I guess they are right, because I want you for myself. But they also say love makes you a better person. I'm going to do that for you. I'm gonna be better. I promise." I said.

It didn't matter. She didn't move or open her eyes. She didn't hear me. She would never know. I softly kissed her cheek, gently pulled my hand out of hers and left.

I skipped school the next day. Making some bullshit up that I was sick, I had convinced Esme that my black eye, which wasn't that bad, was because I had fallen while messing around. I also convinced her that my headache didn't allow me to attend school.

Alice promised me she and Emmett had not told our parents and nobody at school said anything because we could get into deep shit since school was over when we fought and we were both 18. I spent the day in my room, watching TV, wasting time. I played with my phone and when I saw the name _Bella _in my contact list, I selected her and started writing her a text message.

I made some bullshit up and erased everything and then started again. I didn't know what to say. I sighed in frustration and I spent an hour, just trying to come up with something. I was falling asleep and decided just to send her a message. I don't remember what I sent, but I sent her something.

I was woken up by a voice down stairs and I hurried up. I glanced at the clock and realized school was already out and the voices probably belonged to my siblings. I rushed down stairs, searching for Alice. I needed my "Bella update", but instead found Jasper sitting on our couch.

"Hey dude." He said and I sat at the other end of the couch.

"Wassup man?"

"Waiting on Alice…" He muttered and I smirked.

"How was school today?"

"Uh alright. Everyone was talking about the fight. Nobody still knows why you two went at it. I thought you were friends with Eric?" He asked and I chuckled.

"I hate that fucker." I said and he laughed.

"Now I know. How's the eye?"

"Alright…"

"Why did you fight?"

"Eric was being a dick."

"Yeah, well he always is. Why this time?"

"He disrespected Be…just forget about it." I mumbled and he nodded.

Alice came down the stairs in a nice flowery dress and rushed to Jasper's lap, pressing her lips firmly against his. I made a gagging noise and she slapped my arm making me laugh. She got off his lap and Jasper stood up.

"Well let's get going." He said and Alice was about to agree when her phone started ringing from her room.

"Shit! I forgot my phone! That's probably Bella!" She shouted and rushed up stairs.

Bella…

"She's become a bit attached to Bella these past few days." Jasper said and I nodded. "Alice is too nice. She loves fixing Bella up and talking to her. It's weird."

"Does that bother you?" I asked sounding a little too annoyed with him.

"No, of course not. That's Alice. Always being nice. That's why I love her." He said and I gave him a "look."

"Don't look at me like that Cullen. You heard me. I love her." He said grinning sheepishly.

"You're pussy whipped."

"No, I'm a real man. It takes a real man to admit his feelings for gal." Jasper said in country accent. He used to be obsessed with cowboy movies when he was a kid. He would say shit like that with a southern accent all the fucking time.

Idiot.

"Better not make my sister cry, asshole." I mumbled and he laughed. "Have you told her?" I asked and he nodded.

"It took me four years of dating and a pair of balls to say it, but I did." He said and I nodded. "Don't tell the rest of the boys, they will nickname me_ pussy_ and I believe that name doesn't fit my pretty little face." He said and I chuckled.

"Don't worry, you already are a pussy." I said and he threw his head back in laughter.

"Does she know?" he asked and I looked at him confused.

"Does _who_ know what?"

"Bella. Does she know?" He asked calmly. What the fuck?

"Look, whatever Alice told you, she's full it."

"Alice didn't have to tell me. I saw it. I'm not fucking stupid or blind. Does she know you like her?" he asked and I looked away.

"Dude, we sound like fucking faggots." I said trying to make him stop. "Are you gonna ask me how she makes me feel too? Because if you do, I…"

"Just answer the fucking question Cullen." He cut me off. "Grow a fucking pair." I sighed loudly.

"Have you ever felt like you aren't good enough for someone?" I asked and I expected him to laugh and to tease me, but Jasper just nodded.

"Are you trying to tell me that I'm not good enough for your sister?" he asked smiling and I flipped him off.

"No dick, just answer the question." I said and he chuckled again.

"Of course I do. Everyday…" he said and looked toward the stairs. Alice was still up in her room. "I feel like a dick all the time, but she sees pass that shit and I don't worry about it."

I just nodded.

"I know I'm not good enough, but if she chose me, out of the assholes and prince charming douche bags out there than I will try my best to be as fucking good as I can. I will keep fighting to _be_ good _enough_. One day I'll get there." He said and I looked away again. "Women don't give a shit what you think of yourself, because they see who you truly are and they aren't scared of you. And since they are willing to see pass your bullshit and accept the asshole that you truly are, then you really have to fight to be _that_ great man they deserve to have."

"Wow Jasper…you could write for Hallmark and shit. Maybe even write romance novels. Alice would dig that." I said trying to bring humor into this and he chuckled.

"Thanks bro."

"No problem."

"Just go for it Ed. Who gives a shit that you're fucking emo?" I rolled my eyes. "Who cares if you aren't exactly prince charming? I know I don't baby." He said and I flipped him off.

"Why are you saying this? I thought you wanted me to hurt Bella?"

"Nah, I was just pissed at her for snitching us out. Now, I don't care. She's pretty cool. Did you know she listens to Radiohead? Fucking Radiohead! That already makes her ten times cooler than before." he said and I nodded while laughing, but suddenly stopped.

"You can't tell Rosalie."

"Why would I? And why not? It might get her off your ass about the bet."

"No, she would run and tell Bella about it just to hurt her. Your sister is a bitch." I said and he nodded.

"Give her a break. You know why she is like that."

"Yes, but that doesn't give her the right to fuck with everyone. It's not Bella's fault what happened to her. Rosalie needs to stop blaming the world and other girls for what happened. It's not going to change anything." I said and we both said nothing more as we heard footsteps coming down the stairs.

"Shit Alice. That was the longest phone call ever. Jasper almost turned gay for me while you were gone." I said and they both laughed.

"In your dreams Eddiepuss." She said wrapping an arm around Jaspers. "It _was_ Bella. We girls have a lot to talk about." I rolled my eyes trying to hide the joy I felt that Bella called. _She called my sister. I'm fucking lame._

"Lets go babe." Alice said and winked at him.

"See ya!" Jasper shouted as they headed out the door.

I jumped up and ran to my room. I threw on a shirt and a pair of jeans and grabbed my keys. I headed to Bella's house and on the way thought of what I was going to say to her. I had to let her know that I needed her in any way. I can be her friend. I can do that. I can be whatever she wants me to be. I can be there whenever she needs me. I won't act like an asshole anymore.

This _plan_ of mine didn't work obviously. I'm shit and I'm pretty sure she misses me to. I know it. We can talk this out. I'll explain everything to her. We can go back to normal, before I decided to fuck everything up with that kiss and by acting like a jackass…

"Bella isn't here." Renee said at her door.

"Um…I know she doesn't want to see me, but I know she's here. Her truck is over there." I said pointing at the ugly truck and Renee smiled.

"It wouldn't start this morning so Alice gave her a ride to school. She isn't here right now, because she's at work. I took her." Renee said and I felt like a douche.

"Work?"

"Yeah, it's her first day. She didn't tell you?" she asked as if Bella would tell me. Apparently Renee has no clue about her daughter's friendships.

"Um I heard something about it." I said nervously.

"Alright…I would like to chat and all Edward, but I have to go to work myself. I'm working a night shift at a 24 hour diner and I have to get going." She said and I nodded as I got that she wanted me to get the fuck away from her house.

I drove to Newtons Sporting Supply and it was empty as usual. I parked in the first parking spot I saw and sort of ran to the entrance. As I entered the store, I immediately saw Bella at a cash register. She was wearing those amazing jeans, Alice bought in freaking bunches, and a blue vest with the Newton logo and her name tag. I smiled like a fucking dumbass. But my smile quickly disappeared when I realized Mike was standing by her side…with a hand on her shoulder.

"You press this button when they want to pay with a debit card and this one is for credit. You press this button for cash back and this one to cancel a transaction." Mike said and Bella nodded, trying to show that she understood. Mike smiled down at her and patted her back. He mumbled something and Bella giggled. He smiled, looking like a smug bastard. While Bella studied the cash resistor, Mike kept glancing down at her ass.

"Mike, get your ass to my office!" A male voice said through Mike's radio.

"Ugh. I'll be back, Bella. Just call me if you get lost." Mike said and left after caressing her back and winking at her. I was going to kill Mike. I slowly walked to Bella and it took her a moment to realize I was standing in front of her. She jumped a little and I smiled at her, but she didn't smile back.

"What are you doing here, Edward?" she asked in an angry whisper.

"Um uh…I just…" Suddenly I had forgotten how to speak.

"Um what?" she said annoyed.

"I just wanted to see you on your first day at work. Are you alright? Do you like it here? I'm glad you finally got a job like you wanted."

"What? You're kidding right? Edward, I can't have conversations with clients, please leave." She said and fiddled with the cash register.

"I'm not a client. I just came to see you."

"Well with more reason you need to leave. I don't want to get fired. I just got this job." She huffed and I rolled my eyes.

"Please Bella, I need to talk to you." I pleaded, but she didn't seem to care.

"I can't. We don't have anything to talk about."

"I do. Why won't you let me?" I asked, a little angered and I wished I had not raised my voice as Bella was now bitch-facing me. We stood in silence for a long while, looking at the floor. I sighed and placed my hand on the counter, next to hers. I slowly moved my hand closer to hers and slowly moved my fingers on top of hers. She turned her hand and intertwined her fingers with mine and there it was again.

That weird warmth that just takes over me…it was there again. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. I knew she could feel it too.

"Look Edward," she said whispered and opened her eyes, but she still wasn't looking at me. "I want to talk to you. I want to tell you how much you make me mad and how much I want you around and as far away from me as possible at the same time. I want to tell you that I…I just want my friend back." Her voice broke and she quickly shook her head as if trying to hide it. But I could still see the hurt in her face. "But it will be just a waste of time and words. You can't just take shit back and pretend like we're buddies again. You might regret our small time together, but I don't. Don't ruin my last memories of you. Don't pretend like you want to be my friend and that you even want me around. Just. Leave. Me. Alone. I don't need this." She sternly said and I realized this was going to be more difficult than I had thought. I had completely convinced her. I had royally fucked up. But I had to fix this.

I will probably never grow the balls to tell her, but I could at least make her feel it.

"Please Bella. Just give me chance." I said and she snapped her eyes to me. She was pissed.

"Edward…just…" she pulled her hand away from mine.

"Bella, I wanna explain things. I want to fix things. I want …"

"Bella who is so _stella_!" A loud husky voice suddenly cut me off. Bella snapped her eyes to the direction of the voice and her face lit up and a giant smile appeared on her face.

"Jake!" She shouted in excitement and ran out of her cashier box and into the arms of a very tall, muscular, dark kid with long black hair.

"Jake you're back!" she shouted as_ this_ Jake lifted her up and spun her around. They both laughed and held on to each other for dear life.

"Duh _chica_! I told you I would be!" He said with laughter.

He _told_ her? When? And how come I didn't know? I tried to calm my stupid anger as I had no right to get pissed. Jake placed Bella on her feet again and I didn't why I felt like pushing him away from her. She was so tiny standing next to this giant. He looked like he was going to break her.

"Wow Jake, you're so damn big now?" She said squeezing one of his biceps and he laughed, loudly.

"Just growing up Bells." _Bells_? What the fuck? "But look at you? You look smoking hot! Where's my friend, Bella _smella_? What did you do to her?" he said and she giggled, slapping his big chest.

"When did you get here?"

"This morning. We had to stop by the reservation first. I decided I would surprise you, but Renee said you worked here now. Which shocked me, because you and I know you don't know squat about sporting goods." He said and tickled her belly. Bella giggled again and Jake smiled, showing his pearly teeth.

Fucking douche.

"I missed you Jacob." So his real name is Jacob. Even more douchier.

"I missed you too, Bells…" I decided I had to end this little reunion.

"Bella," I said and walked up to them. "Are you going to present me to your friend?" I said trying to hide my anger and I knew she could see it. He could see it, but he didn't seem give a shit. Bella sighed in annoyance.

"Edward," she said. "This is my friend…"

"_Best_ friend…" Jacob interrupted her and wrapped a huge arm around her shoulders. Bella smiled and held onto his arm with her small hands. She was doing it on purpose. I held in multiple curse words and the need to punch Jacob in the face. He was _still _smiling.

"Yes, from childhood, Jacob Black. Jacob this…this is…Edward Cullen." She said waving at me. It hurt that I had no special title. It hurt how she didn't sound so excited about me.

"Hey dude." Jacob said and roughly slapped my shoulder. I found myself trying to stand up tall and firm. I'm an idiot, this shithead is fucking huge. I thought I had seen him somewhere. Maybe Bella's pictures, he must have been one of the Native American kids in her pictures. But I had a feeling I had seen him somewhere else.

"Sup…" I popped the "p" and Bella rolled her eyes.

"Dude what happened to you eye?" he asked, looking at my eye as if I was a freak.

"I sort of got into a fight."

"Sorta'? You mean you did?" He laughed. "Does the other guy look as bad or did you lose?" I was losing my cool and Bella noticed.

"Edward, I think you should leave." She said and I looked at her. How can she say that…like _that_?

"I thought we were going to talk?"

"I never said we were." She said calmly. I ran a hand through my hair in frustration.

"Bella please…"

"Dude, she said no." Jacob said while standing in front of her. He was acting like the fucking hero. He pulled her behind his back and took a step toward me.

"I wasn't talking to you _Jakkke_." I said with a clenched jaw and fisted hands.

"But you're bothering her. She clearly doesn't want to talk to you. Now fuck off." He said and pushed me. It was a warning push, but it fucking pissed me off. We had hated each other from the moment we saw each other. This wasn't good. I was about to snap at him when Bella rushed in front of him.

"We'll talk later. I'll call you tonight. Okay? Just go!" she said in panic. She was just trying to stop the inevitable fight. I realized she was stopping me with her hands on my chest. I guess I _was _charging at Jacob.

"Tonight? You promise?" I whispered at her sadly and she just nodded. "Okay. Please, Bella. I need to talk to you. I need you to hear me out." I said and pulled her into my chest and hugged her.

She didn't hug me back, but I made sure to make the hug extra long in front of Jacob. He just smirked and rolled his eyes.

Asshole.

"I'm sorry." I whispered into her ear and she sighed brokenly. "Please call me." I said and let her go, not before quickly caressing her cheeks with my hands. Her eyes were watery and I knew she was hurting. I was hurting her. But I was going to fix this.

"Okay." She simply said and bit her lip. She returned back to Jacob and I glared at him one more time, but he just chuckled.

I left the Newton's store hopeful and excited that Bella had promised to give me a chance to talk to her. I was going to earn her back. I was going to do anything. First I had to talk to her. Tonight I would do that.

But she never called.

**OME. So I've finally answered those of you who have been asking me about Jacob. Will Eddie be jealous? Duh! Of course he will, because that's Edward and that was why Jacob was created by SM. Though I want to slap her for it sometimes…**

**I admit (sorry Team Jacob fans) I hate book Jacob with a fury and I especially hate movie Jacob. At least book Jacob was funny and had his cute moments, but movie Jake…ugh! He's all serious and stuff. My Jacob is early chapters of **_**New Moon**_** Jacob, before he cut his hair and became annoyingly clingy of Bella. I liked "friend" Jacob…sort of. **

**Again and always, thanks crazy9girl for the banner.**

**P.S I'm serious about the beta thing. I would love to have someone help polish this story up. I want to post it up in other websites and it would look totally awesome if it looked like I could actually spell and put those stupid commas where they go. You can take your time, I won't rush you. I already have the first two chapters betad? Beta'ed? Whatever… It would be even cooler if it was someone who has already read this story and knows my writing style and my error tendencies. So for those of you who love to point my Edward style fuck ups, (bahahaha) this is your chance! Send me a PM or comment a way to contact you. I will keep begging on every A/N if need be : )**


	21. Everlasting Friend

**So I'm **_**sorta**_** late…hope you forgive me. Thank you all for your lovely reviews and your offered help to my non-beta problem. I didn't think I would get that many offers, but I'm an ass and underestimated your love. The amount of offers was overwhelming and I realized that you kinda **_**do**_** like this story. Some of you like it so much, you offered your help to me. I'm deeply moved and full of gratitude for all of you. Thank you from the bottom of my bruised heart.**

**It was a tough decision, but I finally asked the sweet and awesome **_**lizde**_** and the lovely **_**edwardrocksmysocks**_**. She rocks MY socks. She beta'ed this chapter, so for the first time there will not be any missing commas, periods, misspellings (totes unintentional) and just pure embarrassment in a chapter in this story bahaha. So get of my ass you English language and grammatical freaks bahaha I love you anyway.**

**Some more info at the end A/N. Here is Bella…and that kid I "like", Jacob. **

Chapter 21/Bella/Everlasting Friend

"What's wrong Bells?" Jacob asked as he drove me home.

"Nothing. I'm just tired," I mumbled as I looked out my passenger window.

The truth was that everything was wrong. It was wrong that I wanted to see the one boy that had managed to hurt my feelings. It was wrong that I did want to call him and actually give him a chance to explain whatever it was that he wanted to explain. It was wrong that it made me happy—though I didn't show it—that he had visited me on my first day at my new job. It was wrong that I couldn't even fully enjoy that my best friend, who I had not seen in three years, was back in town and back into my life.

It was just wrong.

After Edward left, Jacob acted like nothing had happened. He acted as if he hadn't almost gotten in a fight with another person, but that was Jacob. He brushed trouble off his shoulder and didn't think about shit more than he had to. He wasn't like me. I admired him.

I had missed Jacob.

I realized how much I had missed him, when he waited for me to end my shift at the Newtons by sitting on a bench for four hours. The bench wasn't so far from my cash register, so we managed to talk…a lot. It was what Mike called "slow season" and we hardly had any customers come by. Jake spent most of the time talking about Arizona and New Mexico and about some friends he had made. He had managed to stay out of trouble and though he wasn't a good student, he had not once pissed Billy Black off…well not often.

Jacob had always been all smiles and jokes, so it wasn't shocking that Mike and he actually got along. They looked like they had been buddies for years but that's just the way Jacob is, always making you feel comfortable. They actually spent a long time talking about sports and—though I had no clue what the hell they were talking about—it made me excited to see Jake back and talking to my sorta boss.

I just really missed Jake.

_I said that already._

Though I had managed to get to talk to Jacob during my whole shift, in the back of my mind all I could think of was Edward. It could be a word Jake used. It could be the way he would say something or by the way he used the word fuck a lot, anything really would remind me of him. And I hated him for it.

I kept analyzing the reasons why I should and shouldn't call him. I kept replaying his voice in my head and I couldn't, for the life of me, get rid of the ache in my chest. I was so confused and angered by him. I couldn't name the damn feeling pounding in my chest.

"That asshole, Edwin, totally has the hots for you," Jake said and I gasped as I looked at him. I could see the smirk on his face even in the dark of his car. _Jerk!_

"What?"

"Edwin, he likes you. I could tell by the way he wanted to kick my ass," he chuckled.

"You're _so_ wrong," I laughed nervously.

"About what?"

"About everything. His name is Edward, not Edwin and he doesn't have the 'hots' for me. You're crazy," I scoffed causing him to chuckle more.

"Bells, I'm a dude."

"So?"

"Sooooo, I know when a guy has a thing for a girl."

"That's kinda gay of you," I joked and Jake chuckled…again.

"Shut up Smella. Look, Edwin has…"

"Edward!"

"Edward, has all the symptoms. He had that look on his face. That look…the one…um…you know," he said scratching the back of his neck.

"No, I don't actually. Care to explain the _look_ please?"

"The puppy eyes and the 'I'm a fucking douche, but can I pretty please make out' with you kinda look," Jake said and I giggled.

"Can't say I figured that look out," I said with heavy sarcasm. "I guess I'm blind. You're ridiculous Jake, I totally didn't see that,"

"Because you don't know guys. Every guy has the same codes and acts the same around a pretty girl."

"Am I a pretty girl?" I asked fluttering my eye lashes at him which only caused him to laugh.

"Bella, if you weren't like my sister—and if it wasn't weird—I would totally bang you. You're a smokin' hot babe!" He said. He stuck his tongue out, licked his finger and poked my arm making a sizzling noise. I giggled again and slapped his big, muscular arm.

"Shut up. You're just teasing me."

"Bella don't be stupid. Even Mike drooled. I tell ya', you have boys going crazy now. Last time I saw you, you had never had a boyfriend."

"Um…I still haven't," I said embarrassed.

"What? I swear the male population in Forks is fucking stupid."

"You're sweet Jake," I giggled and kissed him on the cheek. He smelled like cologne and cigarettes. "You smoke now?"

"Eh, not that much. My dad almost kicked my ass when he found out, but he's in a wheelchair. So that didn't workout and I still smoke," he joked and I slapped his arm again.

"Don't make fun of your dad," I said which only caused him to laugh louder.

I realized Jake wasn't taking me home when we passed my street. I didn't ask as he only wiggled his eyebrows when I looked at him. We ended up at the local diner where he ordered my favorite blueberry pancakes and got himself an omelet.

"You know, it's almost 10 o'clock and I have school tomorrow," I said shoving a fork full of pancake awesomeness into my mouth.

"I know. I do too, but knowing you, you haven't been here since I left. The sheltered bunny had to have her pancakes again some day," he said as he poured a ridiculous amount of red hot sauce on his omelet. "Besides, it's been a while since I had breakfast this early," he joked and I smiled.

I smile a lot around him.

We ate in silence. Though we had been away from each other for so many years, it didn't feel like much time had passed when we were together. It was always comfortable and there was never the tense silence.

I didn't realize how hungry I actually was until I looked at my empty plate and empty glass of orange juice. Jake wiped his mouth with a napkin and burped loudly and obnoxiously causing me to giggle as the waitress walked to us at the exact same time. He smiled at her sheepishly and after she left, we exploded with laughter again. I felt like a kid. I had missed that feeling. We chatted about his girlfriends and how he lost his virginity to some college girl. I didn't believe half of the crap he said about what happened, but it did make me laugh. He joked constantly, even about losing his virginity. He hadn't changed a bit. Well, he was much bigger now and his maturity level had increased slightly. I do mean slightly. I loved him though.

Even back then, when _he_ was still around and life was a worse hell, Jake always managed to warm my cold life and shine in my eyes. He managed to make me forget about things and time.

Time.

"Shit!" I said and buried my hands in my pockets.

"What? What did you lose?" he asked.

"Um…I need…where did I leave my phone? Did I even take it to work? Shit," I huffed as I looked for that damn phone.

"You have a phone now? Who do you need to call? I thought I was all you ever wanted," he joked and I rolled my eyes.

"Jake, this isn't the time for jokes. I need to find that phone,"

"Well you can use mine," he said offering me his phone, but I just pushed it away.

"No Jake, its fine. I don't remember the number anyway. It's saved in my phone. I think I left it on my nightstand. I'm just not used to having one," I said disappointedly.

"Well, it's okay, Bells. Don't beat yourself up. I'll take you home and you can call Edwin and explain." I glared at him. "_Chillax _Bells. Who is he anyway?"

"Some guy," I mumbled looking away. I was afraid Jake would see everything in my eyes. He saw it anyway.

"Uh huh, and my junk is small," he said sarcastically and rolled his eyes.

"Eww!" I threw a dirty napkin at him and he caught it with his mouth. "You dog,"

"Who is Edward?" He wasn't giving up.

"I thought he was my friend then he started acting weird and I can't take his shit. I've already been through a lot of shit. And he doesn't give a shit!"

"Quit saying shit, Bells."

"Right."

"So he's a friend?"

"Yes…or was at least."

"He doesn't look like the kind of guy that would want to be your friend."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" I couldn't control the anger in my voice, but Jacob just smiled.

"I just meant that he looks like the typical popular kid. A complete douche."

"He is not a douche. Yes he is popular, but you don't know him. They don't know him."

"And you do?" I stared at Jacob who waited for my answer. I smiled and nodded.

"Yes. There is more to him and I think even he himself doesn't see it," I said sadly. "I promised I would call him."

"I'm sure he will forgive you and get over it," he said and I smiled at him.

I hope so.

Jake took me home and parked his car in the drive way. We stayed in his car for a little while, just listening to the night. He wouldn't dare put music on, because he was probably listening to rap and he knew how much I hated that crap.

_Hey you rhymed._

Ugh, it's you inner voice. I loathe thee.

"I didn't realize how much I missed you Bells until now. Now you have to go to your room and I have to drive back to La Push. I fucking miss you already…again," he said and even in the dark I could see his bright smile.

"I miss you too," I said and he took my pale hand into his large, manly, russet colored hand.

"My dad misses you too. You should come to La Push and visit him. I'm sure it'll make him happy. It would make me happy," he said lowly. I turned away.

"I um…uh…" I stuttered nervously.

"Bells, they don't care anymore," he whispered. "They know why. They're just pissed you didn't speak up or defend them. The cops probably still think it was them who hurt you but they sort of know why. They don't hold a grudge. They miss you too," Jake said as I held back the stupid tears.

"How did you find out?" I asked my voice shaky with pain.

"I sorta suspected something was bad. It freaked me out. So when I threatened Leah to runaway from home and come here to see if you were okay, she told me everything. She told me about the hospital stay and about the cops asking questions. She had figured it out and I figured it out. Why didn't you tell me about it?"

"Because, what was the point? You were leaving anyway."

"I know, but I would have stayed. I would have stayed to protect you." This had gone from a sweet moment to a sour and painful argument about my past. I really didn't like that Jacob knew. It was embarrassing. I felt like I had disappointed him. I had always promised him that I would protect myself and find a way out, before it got worse.

I never did.

"I know and that's why I didn't say anything. You were just a kid. You needed to go with your dad."

"But you're my best friend…fuck that, you're family. Family protects…"

"But they also hurt."

"I wouldn't have allowed it," he said sadly. "I can't believe he hurt you that bad. That fucking bastard! I would have bashed his skull in. I have always hated him. I hated him for the shit he did to you."

"But now he's gone."

"Yeah, but don't think he has forgotten about you or about Renee."

"Please Jake, let's not talk about him now. I'm so happy you're here and I don't wanna ruin the night," I pleaded and he just nodded. He wrapped an arm around my back and pulled me into his chest.

This didn't feel right. It was right, because he was my buddy and I loved him, but it just wasn't the way…_he_ made me feel when he held me.

"You're right but, come on, promise me you'll at least think about coming to La Push."

"They never did like me. I was just your pale faced friend," I said and he chuckled.

"They did like you. The rez is just like that 'cuz you're a white demon', but they like you," he said and I rolled my eyes.

He walked me to my door and gave me one last tight hug.

"You could stay. Mom would be happy to see you again. She's at work now, but I'm sure she'll be back in a few hours," I suggested.

"Bells, it's already late and you have school. I already said hello to your Mom. Go get some rest," he said and gave me one last bear hug.

"You're a freak, Black. A huge freak," I said into his big chest and his laughter vibrated on my face.

I closed the door behind me after Jake left and headed to my room. It had been a long day. I had never felt so tired. It wasn't like it was hard work messing with a cash register, but I had been standing on my feet for five straight hours.

I opened the door and took a deep breath as I entered my room. It was too dark so I reached for the light switch and I felt him before I saw him.

"Shit!" I screamed as my eyes found Edward sitting on my bed. He looked tired and sad, but most of all, pissed.

"You didn't call," he said lowly and stood up. For some reason it caused me to take a step back away from him. Hurt crossed his face as I did it.

"What the hell are you doing here?"

"I waited for your call," he sniffed. "But it never happened. I was fucking worried sick. I began thinking about all these fucked up scenarios involving Charles. Then I get here and you're not _here_ and I find that you were out with that asshole!" He said roughly and the anger in his face not only scared me, it confused me. He quickly realized what he was doing to me and shook his head. He ran a hand through his mess of hair and took in a shaky breath.

"I'm sorry Bella," he whispered brokenly. "I just…I just haven't been well lately," he said and sat back down on my bed. I took a few steps towards him and he just stared at the floor.

"I forgot my phone and I couldn't remember your number. I was going to call you, I swear," I whispered and I immediately felt stupid as I should be the one angry with him. He knew that too.

"It's alright. It's my fault," he sighed. He finally looked up at me and smiled sadly. "He's you're best friend, huh?"

"Yep."

"Hmm, don't know why that makes me happy for you, but at the same time pissed at him." I smiled at him and sat on the bed, far from him, but still…

"Why are you here?" I asked lowly and he didn't answer or look at me. The shadows under his eyes and the stubble on his jaw made him look older. The bruising on his eye looked worse and I wanted to reach out and caress it. I hated Eric Yorkie. "Why are you here, Edward?" I asked again.

"Do you remember when I stayed for the first time? After I saw your father hit you," he cleared his throat. "Do you remember?"

"Yes," I answered not understanding where he was going with this.

"I've been asking myself the same thing since then. Why am I here? I…" He turned his face toward me, his eyes not meeting mine still and took my hand in his. "Something just kept pulling me to this room and to you. I didn't know what it was, but I let it. I might have tried to fight it a few times. I acted like an asshole on purpose, just to stay away. But it was no fucking use. I don't remember when it happened, but I just let it bring me to you," he said. I could hear the knot in his throat and he tried to clear it.

He slid closer to me and gently placed his face in my neck and inhaled. I let him. I wanted him to. I'm stupid but I couldn't find it in me to give a shit right now. _This feels so good. It feels right_.

He sighed and pressed his forehead on my shoulder. My arms found their way around his shaky body and he sighed again. He didn't move or say anything and I didn't mind. This wasn't going to end well and if I could extend the good just for a few more seconds I would.

"I thought I was trying to protect you. I thought I was trying to save you and I _was_ trying to do that, but…I wanted you to save me. I know how fucked up or cheesy that might sound, but I had never felt so alive until I realized I needed you. I need you Bella," he whispered the last part and I could feel the tears running down my cheeks. I didn't even realize I was crying like an idiot.

He kissed my shoulder and kissed my neck. I shuddered at the warmth of his soft lips on my skin. He pressed his lips to my neck again, this time lingering his lips on my skin a little longer. I gasped at how good it felt and I could feel his smile on my neck. He finally looked at me in the eyes and pressed his nose against mine. His warm breath was intoxicating and I lost my breath when he licked his lips. Hise lips neared mine and I wanted to pull away.

"Please, forgive me Bella. I can't do this anymore. I'm so sorry. I'll never fail you again." His beautiful, desperate breaths caused my head to spin and it angered me at the same time.

_Had he seriously forgotten how he had acted? Didn't he know, how pissed I was at him?_

_Of course he does, that's why he's trying make it up to you and you're falling for it. _

Did he seriously think I would get over it so easily?

I was too busy arguing with my inner voice and distracted by the perfection that were Edward's lips, that I didn't notice him closing the space between us. He took my lower lip into his warm mouth and I had no clue of what to do. I had never kissed anybody in my life and I wanted to kiss him back. I wanted to know how it felt to let go.

He sucked on my lower lip lightly and gently pulled it until it slipped out of his mouth. I whimpered. I had no idea how I had let that happen, but before I could do anything else, he had fully pressed his lips to mine.

He had hurt me.

_Same lips that kissed Tanya…_

I quickly pulled away and he looked surprised. I wanted to yell at him, but no voice came out. He launched himself at my lips again, but I managed to gather up the strength to pull away.

"Don't," I whispered breathlessly.

"Why not?" He asked against my lips. His warm breath hit me like drug.

"Because I don't want you to regret it later. I won't be able to stand it."

"What? I could never…" Realization of what I believed flashed across his eyes and he removed his face away from mine placing his hands on my cheeks. "Bella, I don't regret anything with you. I do regret acting like an asshole before I really knew you and then how I've acted recently. I know I fucked up, but I will spend a lifetime trying to make it up to you." I felt as if his hands were burning through my cheeks.

"And why would you do that?"

"Because," he said rubbing circles on my cheeks with his thumbs. "Because I want you. I'm a fucking mess without you. I told you I needed you and I'm not bullshitting. I know you probably hate me now and any trust you had in me disappeared, but I swear I will never let you down again."

I pulled his hands away from my face and tried to scoot myself away from him, but my back ended up against the headboard. This was too much. How did he want me? I didn't understand this need he had for me. Why couldn't he just leave me alone? Why couldn't he just stop confusing me?

"I have nothing to give you. Besides, you seem to have it alright without me. I'm just some stupid girl. You don't have to feel bad for me anymore! You're free to go."

"What does that even mean?" He asked angrily.

"You say you need me, but I don't have anything to offer. Why do you need me? Why would someone like you ever need someone like me? I don't get it. It just doesn't make any sense to me," I said really wished I wasn't crying at that moment, but I broke. I had broken and he knew it. It wasn't entirely his fault. He was asking me to be there for him but I'm too weak and he's not trustworthy. "Why would you want me?"

"Because, it's you…always you. Everything lets me down. My real parents let me down. My new family doesn't understand why I'm so fucking pissed at the world. They expect me to be happy with them, but they don't see that I do need them. I don't want their pity. I want them to listen to me for once. Everyone sees something negative in me and always expects me to fuck up, so I do. I let myself down time after time. And then…and then there's you," he whispered and a single tear rolled down his right cheek.

"There's me before you and everything else that's bad and then…and then there's you. I can't let go now. I'm too fucking selfish. I tried not to be and stay away from you, but I ended up fucking things up instead of fixing them. I know I hurt you, but I want to fix that too. Just let me. Give me a chance. I'll do whatever you want. What is it that you want?" He pleaded and I wiped away the tears away from my eyes. He did the same with his own as he slipped to the floor and got on his knees in front of me.

"Please, just tell me what you want. Tell me what you need."

"I just want my friend back," I said brokenly and he nodded. I could tell he was disappointed by my answer, but I was not ready for what he really wanted. I couldn't even believe he wanted me…that way. _He was kissing me!_

"That's cool too. I can be that. I can be your friend and then maybe one day, you can see me like…shit um…like you know…" He scratched his head. "Like you could see me like a boyfriend or some shit like that." I couldn't believe his words and looked at him incredulously.

"You want to be my what?"

"Yeah, um…" he cut me off nervously. I didn't know whether to giggle at his nerves or slap him for saying something so ridiculous.

"I've never been anybody's girlfriend and I don't know if I would be any good at it. I'm just a fucked up, and paranoid girl that doesn't know much. I don't even know how to kiss."

"That's fine, I can teach you. I'm fucked up too and paranoid. See, we're good together," he said and I couldn't help but smile.

"Edward, I don't even know if I could be acquaintances with you. One minute you're making out with Tanya and then you want to be my…"

"I hate her. I mean she doesn't mean anything to me. I just did it so you would think the worst and just forget about me. But I hated every second of that kiss. I only wanna kiss you," he said and sat on my bed again. He cupped my cheeks with his hands and ran a thumb across my lower lip. I shivered and reluctantly pulled away. His hands fell on his lap.

Friends," I said sternly. He sighed dejectedly.

"Yeah…we can be that too," he said sounding annoyed and defeated.

"But things can't go back to normal. Things changed too much. You changed…"

"No, I just acted different because it was part of my stupid plan to stay away from you so I wouldn't ruin you."

"Ruin me? I'm already…"

"No, you're not. You're the best fucking person I know. You don't' ever lecture or judge me. You don't let anybody destroy you. You're fucking stronger than anybody I know. Stronger than me. I'm sorry I kissed Tanya."

"I don't see why you have to apologize. It's not like we're anything outside the weak friendship walls that we have built." I sort of regretted saying those things, because of the pain stricken look on Edward's face.

"I know, but it made you upset. I mean I wanted it to piss you off, but…"

"Well you succeeded! I wanted to…ugh I wanted to hit her and hit you."

"Please," he stopped and slowly smirked at me. "You're jealous," he chuckled.

"Oh shut up! Don't think so high of yourself. I was not jealous," I said annoyed, though he was right. He chuckled again and I slapped his arm.

"Ouch," he laughed again.

"Whatever!"

"Bella, I'm sorry. I'm sorry about all the shit I did. For kissing Tanya, almost kicking that Jacob's ass and for fighting with Eric and scaring you, I'm sorry. You don't know much I fucking hated myself for scaring you."

"Why did you fight with him? I thought you were friends with him."

"I have never been friends with that asshole. He thought he was my friend, but I've only had one friend in my life and that's you."

"That's sweet and all, but you didn't answer why you got into a fight with him," I said and he rolled his eyes.

"Bella, if you haven't noticed you're little make-over has all the assholes at school fighting and drooling over you. He was saying some shit about uh, um…just some really disrespectful and degrading things about you."

"You fought because of me?"

"I wanted to. I needed to kick his ass for the nasty shit he said about you," he said and I could tell he was getting upset all over again just thinking about it. "I will never let anybody degrade you like that."

"Okay Edward, we can be friends again."

"Really? You forgive me?"

"I don't know. I don't think so, but maybe with time." He just nodded. I felt like he was taking what he could get.

"We have to set rules for our friendship," I said and he questioned me with his eyes. "No more fighting. Since we've been spending time together, you have managed to get into a fight twice. You have to stop that shit." He nodded. "No more acting like an asshole if you're confused and don't you dare make decisions for me. Quit pretending you know what's good for me. My father didn't even do that. So stop thinking you know everything. How the hell do you know if I want you around or not?" I exclaimed and he smiled at my annoyance. "And last…you can't keep sneaking into my room," I said sadly and his smiled turned into a frown.

"What? Why?" He sounded desperate.

"Because, it would only cause me to lose what I want. I would fall for you Edward Cullen and I can't afford to do that. Not now. I don't trust you. We need distance. We need to act like real friends," I said and he nodded weakly. "Real friends don't kiss. You can't stay here. I don't trust myself and I don't trust you to keep to yourself."

"I deserve that," he said sadly and I rolled my eyes.

"This isn't a punishment. It's a rule. For some reason I want you around, Edward. The one time you kissed me, I ended up losing you. I'd rather have you farther away and as a friend than to lose you all over again; forever."

"But that's…" he sighed in frustration. "Then how the hell are we supposed to act?"

"You can say hi to me at school. Let me borrow a pencil when I need one, help me on my homework when I need it or just be there when I'm having an off day. Ask me what's wrong when I look pissed and make me laugh. Just be my friend."

"Can we hang out? I can take you to Port Angeles and buy you stuff."

"Edward, I don't need you to buy me anything."

"Can we still hang out? Outside your room obviously," he asked and I smiled at his persistence.

"Sure, friends do that right?"

"Yeah, all the time."

"Then I guess, sure."

"Fuckawesome." I giggled at him. "When? What time? Do you wanna go this weekend? I can…"

"I have to work and I promised Jacob I would visit his father after."

"Oh," he said looking away to hide his disappointment. I'm a weak person but I was determined to hold my ground.

"Um, Sunday I don't work, because the Newtons don't open up shop on Sundays." His head snapped up.

"Yeah, I can do Sunday. Where do you wanna go?"

"Anywhere," I simply said and he nodded.

"Alright, destination anywhere," he said and gave me a soft smile. "You're really giving me a shot?"

"I don't know why but, yes, I am. Just don't let _me_ down, okay?"

"Okay," he whispered.

"You should go now. It's pretty late and I need to sleep." Edward nodded. He stood up and I followed him to my balcony window feeling weird that he was leaving so early in the night.

"Why are you sneaking out? My mom isn't even here."

"I know, but it will be the last time I do it. One more time, just for my memory," he said sadly. I don't why, but I felt so disappointed and melancholy that he was right. "Maybe some day I'll ask to come in and you'll let me, like a vampire," he said smiling and I watched as he climbed down my tree and walked into the night.

"Yep, just like a vampire. I want to. I want to let you in. Maybe some day," I whispered into my now empty room.

**So some of you have asked for my update schedule and I shall tell you. I update every Sunday if my life doesn't get clogged with my stupid schedule that is currently full of math and biology homework. Seriously, who needs that crap in life? Sure as hell **_**ain't **_**me. (The Texan in me just comes out)**

**A huge hug to ****Mitsuko-chama who asked and I said hell yes, and is now translating my story into Russian. Isn't that freaking cool? I wish I could read Russian so I could understand the reviews, bahahaha. Unfortunately, I only understand English (barely lol) and Spanish. **_**Los amo a todos.**_

**Last, I realized I have never told you folk where the title of this story came from. My sister thinks the title is cheesy considering the content of my story, but I thought it fit well and I did get inspired to write this story by this song. Well, Edward's character was inspired by this song, though the meaning does fit Bella too. **_**There's a lot of shit in life and then there's that one person who makes it all better.**_** The song is **_**And Then You**_** by Greg Laswell. It's awesome and his voice is amazing. It turns me on a little…did I say that? I haven't even written smut in this story yet! Notice I said "yet." Listen to the song that inspired me to write our emotional Eddikins and let me know what you think of ATTY's unofficial song. **

**You+review button=me loves you.**


	22. Little Space in the Heart

**Hi! Sorry once again for being late! I'm trying my best to make it weekly, but these past few weeks have been kicking my ass. **

**Thanks to again to my beta edwardrocksmysocks for fixing my screw ups. She totally rocks my freaking socks. Forget Eddiekins I'm Team Her bahahaha**

_Ch22/Bella/Little Space in the Heart_

Edward Cullen wanted to be my boyfriend.

What does that even really mean?

Is he planning a sick prank or joke?

Did he even mean it?

Edward left my room and I was supposed to sleep, but thinking and obsessing over Edward's words kept me up all night. I've never had a boyfriend. I've never been asked out by a guy. Now, the one guy I thought was impossible, expressed his wish to be my boyfriend some day. _My_ boyfriend!

The thought made me nervous. What could he possibly see in me? I, the plain and unpopular girl, was the object of his desires. _Did I just refer to myself as an object? _I was so confused and freaking scared. Of course I had no plans of being Edward's girlfriend. I could barely see myself as his friend. The way he had been acting lately, was enough for me to tell him to go to hell and never come back. To tell him to kiss my_ bootylicious_ ass—as Angela called it—and forget all about him. He angered me and hurt my feelings more than I had initially thought. His presence last night reminded me of how much I did miss and need him. Yes, I needed emo and self-loathing Edward. Was I crazy? Maybe. But his warmth was an addiction I couldn't get enough of.

I had been beaten and put down all my life. Naturally I feared and doubted everything and everybody in my life. I had built walls around me that keep Alice Cullen and Angela Weber away at a safe distance and kept Edward's side of the wall protected by well armed soldiers and army tanks. Yet he always threatened to crumble my walls with no problem. He could waltz right into my soul and claim victory. He could do it so easily and he had no idea.

What if I convinced myself that I could be Edward's girlfriend?

What could possibly keep him around? Surely he would tire of me eventually or become bored and leave. I wasn't like those other girls that giggled, flirted and knew about fashion and sparkly crap. I wouldn't be what he was looking for. I was certain he would leave me for someone much more interesting, someone as beautiful as him. I couldn't and wouldn't be able to live with that.

We could be friends…maybe.

"Baby you look tired and a little sad," my mother said as she drove me to school.

"I didn't sleep well. Too much on my mind," I mumbled.

"I thought you would be in a much better mood today. Now that Jacob's back, I thought you would be jumping around in glee."

I should be. I mean, I was. I woke up today and actually looked forward for the day to progress. I couldn't wait to see Jake but even he couldn't keep the heavy thoughts and feelings away. Feelings for Edward…

"I am happy. He's going to pick me up from school today and take me to work," I tried convincing my mom. "He wants to look at the truck too. He might be able to fix it."

"I don't mind taking you home or taking you to school, baby. It reminds me of when you were little," Mom said, but even she couldn't lie to herself that much. Nothing was cute or warm about my childhood. Even rides to school were dreadful.

"Yeah, but I don't wanna ruin your sleep. You just got home an hour ago. You should be in bed right now."

"Honey, I'm fine. What's another hour awake? Besides, Jake is too busy with moving in and getting settled in school," my mother worried and I laughed darkly.

"I'm sure Jake is such a school boy now."

"It would have been nice if he had gone to Forks High instead, so he could be with you."

"I know, but he can take care of himself." My mother laughed. My phone vibrated scaring the hell out of me and Mom.

It was a text message from Edward.

"You have a phone?" Mom asked and I almost slapped myself for revealing it.

"Um yeah…it was a gift from Edward."

"Oh, well that Edward sure knows what kind of gifts to get a girl." I couldn't help but be annoyed with the enthusiasm behind my mother's voice.

"He's just a friend Mom," I mumbled.

"Uh huh."

Whatever.

I opened my phone's inbox and realized I had ten unread messages and all from the only person that knew my number, Edward. I read the first one and hated myself for the big smile that I felt on my face.

'_Can't wait to see you at school. I'm so fucking excited. I think I'm scaring the shit out of my family this morning. See you there.'_

It took me a few minutes to get used to the keypad, but I still managed to misspell some words. _Damn phones!_

_I'm excited too._

I pressed the send button, before I could change my mind, but of course I regretted it as soon as the phone assured me that the message had been sent.

I read his other messages. Eight of them were from last night. He kept asking if I was okay and asking where I was. I felt bad that I didn't have my phone at the time he had sent the messages. I knew how much Edward worried and over thought things. I wish I could have saved him the worry.

His last message was from the day after he fought with Eric.

_I'll do my best to take good care of you_

I smiled at the Van Morrison lyrics and could feel the lump in my throat.

Damn Edward and his text message.

Mom dropped me off and what I thought would be like any other day, turned into an unusual one.

I found Alice and Angela waiting for me. I thought they would say their hellos and go their own way, but instead they walked me to my locker. Tanya and Rosalie made confused faces and jokes, but Alice and Angela didn't seem to care. I grabbed my stuff and headed toward math with Angela and Alice on both my sides.

"Hey Swan!" Jessica laughed. "Lookin' hot, bitch. That little makeover of yours' worked."

"Shut up Jessica, she'll believe you. That's fucked up of you," Tanya teased.

"Yeah, we all know that even if you sprinkle a piece of shit with glitter, it's still just shit," Rosalie said in a serious tone. I could feel the anger pounding in my chest. I didn't understand her hate for me. I had taken her crap for years and something in me snapped. It was so frustrating that she couldn't find someone else to pick on. Couldn't she just leave me alone?

I walked over to the Whore Gang and stood in front of Rosalie. She was much taller than me, but the anger running through my veins made feel stronger. I could take her. I got in her face and she seemed a little surprised by my sudden burst of bravery. Alice and Angela tried to pull me away, but I ignored them.

"What is it Isabella? Did you run out of glitter?" Rosalie joked and her stupid friends giggled again.

"Yeah, I was actually wondering if I could borrow some from you. I know you shower in the stuff," I said and I could hear Alice and Angela giggling behind me. Rosalie's smile faded and she glared at me.

"You're really stupid Swan. There are four of us and one of you."

"What are you going to do? Throw glitter at me? Oh wait, make stupid jokes, because your wormy brain can't process anything else."

"You think you're so cute now, don't you?" Rosalie said and ran her knuckles over my cheek. I slapped it away and she just chuckled. "Wow, make-up and dressing in clothes that actually fit make you _such_ a bitch."

"Yeah, well _you_ don't need any make-up. It's natural for you. You're just a bitch period." I could see what my words did to her through her eyes. I took a deep breath as she raised her hand.

"You little…" She was going to slap me when a hand caught hers in mid-air.

"Don't you fucking dare touch her!" Edward said and stood in front of me protectively.

"Fuck you asshole," Rosalie shouted and pulled her hand out of his. "That little bitch…"

"Shut the fuck up. You need to get you little friends and your glittered ass out of here," Edward said before turning to face me. "You alright?" I nodded and he smiled at me.

"Whatever," Rosalie huffed and walked away with the rest of the blonde demons following behind her.

"What the hell was that Bella?" He asked with a smile on his face.

"What was what?"

"That!" He waved dismissively at Rosalie. "That was fucking awesome. It's about time someone told Rosalie the ugly truth. But, you totally shocked me. You're officially a badass."

"I'd say!" Alice joked. Suddenly, I realized what had happened. There was a small crowd watching my little display and I could feel the blush of embarrassment.

"I don't know. Oh my god, did I just call Rosalie Hale a bitch?" I asked worriedly and Edward nodded with a wide grin.

"Yep, and in her face. I'm proud of you Swan." He patted my shoulder as if I had done something commendable. I couldn't help but chuckle. "I'll walk you to your first class." He took my math book out of my hands without asking and walked towards my math class after Alice and Angela said their goodbyes.

"Next time you wanna kick Rosalie's ass, don't be carrying a huge math book. Unless you're gonna hit her with it," Edward joked as I walked by his side. He looked a little more alive today than in the past few weeks. He still looked tired, but there was a smile on his face and he walked with joy in his steps. His bronze hair was the usual mess and he had shaven the stubble to show off his beautiful jaw line.

"You look beautiful today." I immediately cringed at my word vomit, but Edward just laughed. "I'm sorry," I mumbled as we reached the door to my classroom.

"Don't worry Bella, I know I'm beautiful." He handed me back my book and I rolled my eyes.

"A little douchie, don't you think?"

"Nah, more like just convinced."

"You're convinced that you're beautiful?" I asked and playfully pushed him a little with one hand. He caught my hand before it could fall back to my side. He wrapped his fingers around mine and brought my hand to his lips. He placed a tender kiss on it and smiled at me. His smile was sweet and warm. It made me sigh. I quickly looked around and found that everybody was minding their business and ignoring the fact that Edward Cullen was holding my hand. _My_ hand. I turned to look at him again and he smiled. He brought my hand to his lips again, but this time kissed my wrist. I could feel the blood rushing to my cheeks and I hated that he had this effect on me.

"You're so beautiful when you blush," he said and brushed a strand of my hair behind my ear. Like the weak fool that I am, I blushed even more and stopped breathing. "Well, you're beautiful all the time, but I think my favorite is when you blush." I could feel the butterflies in my stomach and my knees felt like jelly.

_Get a fucking grip Swan!_

"Friends!" I said and roughly pulled my hand out of his, but he didn't stop smiling or looking so damn cute.

"Just because we're friends, doesn't mean I'm not allowed to flirt with you," he said and briefly caressed my cheek with his hand.

"You-you- you were flirting with me?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Because I like you Swan." I quickly escaped his gaze and looked down at my feet.

"Um…uh I…"

"You don't have to do or say anything Bella. I'm going to fight for you. As long as you let me. Whatever it takes."

"You're going to fight for me? No fighting, remember?" He chuckled.

"Don't be a smart ass Bella." He caressed my cheek again and I leaned into his touch before he pulled it away. "I'll you see you at lunch."

Edward followed me outside during lunch and we sat at the usual tree. He told me Alice and Rosalie were not on speaking terms anymore and tried to convince me that it wasn't my fault. He insisted that Alice had never liked Rosalie. He said it was definitely going to be weird though since Alice was going out with Rosalie's brother.

The rest of the lunch hour was spent on conversations about nothing important, sharing cookies, and laughing like nothing had happened. We would also just sit in silence, with my head on his shoulder and his chin resting on top of it. But it was just healthy comfort being close to him. The warmth his shoulder gave mine and his wonderful 'Edward' smell was all I needed. My heart wanted to talk to me and beg me to let him in, but I glared at it and told it to be smart and careful. Besides, he just said he wanted to be my boyfriend. He never said anything about the 'L' word. So cool it heart. We could just enjoy his presence for now. It was safer this way. I could tell he was enjoying our lunch hour too as that damn smile of his didn't go away. I wanted for it to be like this forever. I wanted him next to me. Always.

Without him, it wasn't right. Nothing was right. I needed him too. I needed him like he said he needed me. He made the ache in my chest go away and I didn't feel alone. I couldn't remember anything good that had happened to me in the last few weeks without thinking of Edward. Though he had broken my heart and though he had acted like a moron, I needed him. I didn't care what a smarter girl would do. She could go fuck herself.

I wasn't going to let my guard down and tell him that I had forgiven him or that I trusted him, because I didn't. But I needed him close. Very close. It felt wonderful and I liked the feeling. I used to think I couldn't feel anything else besides fear, but this new feeling was pushing its way into the spotlight and I applauded it begging for an encore. It was warm and happy. Edward made me feel happy.

"It's time to go back to hell," he sighed as he glanced at the time on his phone. He was about to get up, when I clutched his arm with my hands. Before he could ask, I wrapped my arms around his neck and buried my face into it. By the sound he made I could tell he was surprised, but I needed him a little longer. I inhaled his scent and kissed the delicious skin of his neck causing him to sigh. He finally wrapped his arms around me and pulled me in tightly to his body.

"I need you," I whispered into his neck. "Don't ever push me away again." He pulled me tighter to him.

"I won't. I swear. I need you more than you can imagine, Bella." He pulled back a little and pressed his forehead against mine. "You're everything to me," he whispered and I closed my eyes, hoping I could make this last forever. "Everything."

"You promise?"

"I promise." I opened my eyes to find him staring at my lips. I knew what he wanted, but he wasn't moving. Edward was following the rules and for that he deserved a reward. I smiled at him and he smirked creating a small dimple on the side of his mouth. I found my cue and kissed it. He took in a shaky breath and trembled as I left my lips to the side of his mouth a little longer. He tasted sweet and I could smell the chocolate from the cookies. I might have taken a little longer to pull away, but I couldn't help it.

When I did pull away Edward looked at me with an opened mouth and wide eyes. I giggled and snuggled into his neck again.

"Bella," he said breathlessly.

"Hmm."

"You could at least warn me so I don't look like a fool. That was amazing. You didn't even kiss me on the lips, but I think that's the best kiss ever." I giggled more at his tone of voice. He sounded amazed. "You're feeling brave today. Standing up to Rosalie and kissing me. I think I like this Bella. I mean I have always liked Bella, but I think I have a soft spot for brave Bella."

"I think she likes you too," I said and moved out of his arms and back to the tree.

"Really?" He asked with a smile on his face.

"Yes Cullen I really do." This time he hugged me and I gasped, but smiled at his happiness.

"Bella."

"Yeah?"

"Before everything gets ruined again. I have to tell you something. More like confess something I'm not too proud of, but I have to tell you." I pulled out of his embrace and arched an eyebrow at him.

"Bella," he took a deep breath, "please don't hate me for this, but you have to know or I will lose you forever. And I can't have that. I can't lose you, ever." He squeezed my hands. "The reason I approached you in the first place…" I placed my hand over his mouth. I couldn't deal with more negativity. I just wanted to start anew.

"Please no more. Just…I can't…let's just start over again. I'm sure whatever it is doesn't even matter now. Look at us, we are actually good. Don't ruin it. This is our new start. Forget the past. Just forget about whatever it was."

"But Bella…" the bell rang and I realized we would be late to our next class. I quickly stood up and he followed me. He walked me to my next class and this time people were staring, but he didn't seem to care and placed a hand on my back as we walked.

The next few days were the same. Edward would walk me to class and sit with me outside for lunch. The one day it rained, we sat under the school patio. Just the two of us.

There wasn't a repeat of the kiss or conversation we'd had, and he didn't seem to push anything again. Edward took me home from school the rest of the week and still looked mad when I would talk about Jacob picking me up from work. He had to understand that I wanted Jacob in my life if he wanted to be my friend. On Friday, I asked Edward if he could look at my truck since Jake hadn't had the chance to do it.

I was shocked a little when Edward told me he didn't know anything about fixing trucks or cars, because I clearly remembered him fixing my truck when we had first started talking. That is the only reason I had asked him. He tried looking at it, but gave up and said he didn't wanna 'fuck it up some more'. So that was that. He offered to have Emmett look at it, but he quickly took it back as I confessed my uneasiness to have Emmett around.

I would just have to wait for Jacob.

I had a free hour before work and I decided to invite Edward into my house. After all, friends can visit each other and sit on the living room couch. He waited for me on the couch as I got ready for work and I hurried so I wouldn't waste any time I had with him.

We just sat on the couch talking about what I wanted to do on Sunday. I had no clue since I had never been out anywhere exciting. He promised me we would have fun and I just nodded and agreed. My mother came home right when Edward was walking out of my house. He asked her if he could take me to work and take me to school in the mornings if my truck didn't get fixed and my mother agreed without any hesitation. Then, when he wasn't looking, she winked at me and I rolled my eyes.

When Edward drove up to the Newton's, I unbuckled my seatbelt and thanked him for the ride. I was about to open my door to exit, when he grabbed my hand and pulled towards him. He kissed my cheek and smiled as he pulled away. He was probably smiling at how my mouth was hanging open.

"You know what I've noticed?" He asked with a smirk on his face.

"That you have no manners," I said and he chuckled.

"No. I have noticed that you don't shake anymore. You don't freak out when I pull your hand or zone out into another world. You're here with me. You're not afraid," he said softly as he looked out his window.

"I'm not," I answered back and he smiled again.

"You don't ever have to be," he whispered as he took my hand and kissed it. "I'll always be here for you."

I spent the afternoon working with a smile and a giddy feeling in my chest. On Saturday, Mike's father let me go early since there were no customers and Jacob was more than happy to take me to La Push.

"I'm really excited to see your Dad," I said on the ride to there.

"I know, I am too. I bet he'll start walking when he sees you. Just stand outside the house and start calling his name. I'm sure he'll jump up and run to you. We should test it."

"Jake!"

"What?" He chuckled.

"Why do you make fun of your dad?"

"I do it in his face and he laughs about it too. Bella, he knows he can't walk. Why be sad about it? He laughs because I joke about it instead of feeling bad for him," Jake said and shrugged.

"That's actually kinda sweet."

"I know," he smirked.

Jake spent the twenty minutes it took to get to La Push, talking about how Paul had become a complete asshole and how he thinks Quil is loser. He laughed about it, but became serious when he began talking about Sam. According to Jake, everyone on the reservation loved Sam. He helped around and was friends with everyone, but Jake didn't trust him. He broke up with Leah, who he had been going out with for years and was now going out with Emily, Leah's cousin.

Jake thought something fishy had happened between Leah and Sam, because Leah was now cold, distant and quiet. She had no friends. She spent her time hidden in her room and whenever someone tried to go near her, she acted like a bitch to them.

"I think she's a lesbian," Jake joked.

"Must you joke about everything?" I asked irritated.

"I'm sorry Bells, but I tried befriending Leah again because she was cool back in the day. You remember? Anyway, but she totally blew me off. It hurt, 'cause I'm not the one who broke up with her and dated her cousin. I liked Leah, but now she's become a complete bitch."

"How do you know what she has gone through?"

"Just 'cause some dude cheated on you, doesn't mean you have to take it out on the world."

"If something bad happens to you, it's not wrong for you to feel like shit or be mad. Why must she be happy? Maybe she just needs someone to not be so pushy and actually listen to her or just be there." Jake didn't say anything back, because he knew I was upset and that I might have actually been using myself as an example.

We rode in silence the rest of the time. When we finally got to his house, he apologized about being a dick and I forgave him, because he is rarely a dick. Billy didn't start walking but, when I did bent down to hug him, Jake started laughing like it was the funniest thing ever.

Jerk.

Billy made spaghetti for Jake and me and talked about how happy he was to see me again. Afterwards, Jake took me around the reservation where I met Quil and Embry. They were both in elementary the last time I saw them. I had been nervous to see anybody close to my age for fear they might hate me or blame me for what happened years ago, but nobody even glared at me. The people I remembered, remembered me and even gave me gifts, hugs and invitations into their homes, but Jake told them I had to get home soon.

Paul was a jerk, but he was totally cool with me and Jared dared himself to ask me out and Jake threaten to kick his ass. Jake didn't intend for me to see Sam again, but the reservation wasn't very big so we ended up bumping into him. He was sweet with me and acted like Jake was a close friend. After he left, however, Jake spat a load of profanities at him and I rolled my eyes.

We hung out with Paul, Jared and a younger kid named Seth at a park. The boys made me laugh and I totally didn't feel weird being the only girl in the group.

"So Bella, you've been Jake's friend since diapers. When are you two finally gonna get it on?" Jared asked and Jake slapped him across the head.

"Technically, I was already out of diapers when Jake was born," I said and Jake laughed.

"And we could possibly be related in some weird way, so that would be sick," Jake said and winked at me. "At least _I_ don't have the hots for _my_ cousin."

"Shut up dude. She's hot, that's all I said," Jared defended himself and we all laughed. The boys hushed when they spotted Leah walking to her house.

"Hey Leah, come say hi to Bella! She's finally back!" Paul shouted but Leah just glanced at me and kept walking. "Bitch," Paul muttered.

"Dude shut the fuck up. That's fucking rude," Jake said and Paul didn't say anything again. I smiled at Jake who proudly nodded at me. After another hour of jokes, laughs and conversations with no meaning, I said my goodbyes to the guys promising I would return soon.

"Jake you're going to blind the drivers on the opposite lane with that smile of yours'," I teased as he drove me home.

"Ha-ha Bells," he chuckled. "I'm just so damn happy. My dad hasn't acted that cool since we left. I think he wants to adopt you. I always knew you were his favorite person."

"Well, he would be a cool dad."

"Yeah, I think he sort of feels guilty for…ya' know…"

"My dad?"

"Yeah," he sighed and shook his head.

"Why would he? He isn't responsible for how Father acted."

"Yeah, but he grew up with him. He feels like he should have known the way he was going to be with you and that he should have stayed in Forks and told someone. He feels like we could've done something for you."

"Why feel bad for something that happened in the past? Besides, you can grow up with someone all your life and not really know them. How was Billy going to know that his best friend would…"

"Don't even say it," Jake cut me off. "It pisses me off just to hear about it." His nostrils flared and I said nothing more. "Now that we are here Bells, I promise to never ever leave you unprotected. I might be younger than you and stupid, but I'm big and I'm going to make him fight like a real man."

"Jake, my hero," I said and took his hand in mine. "You know, I used to think I was all alone in the world and nobody would ever help me. I used to think I would die alone. He would eventually finish me off…" I whispered and Jake squeezed my hand.

"Don't say shit like that, Bells. It makes me sick."

"It's the truth. But now I feel so overwhelmed with protection. I kinda like it." I smiled.

"Who else is offering?"

"Um…Edward."

"Edwin?" I rolled my eyes and he smiled. "So you guys are talking again?"

"Yes. I think we're back to the way we used to be, but better."

"How is it better?"

"I don't just, um, uh…"

"You like him, don't you?" Jake asked and arched an eyebrow. I sighed deeply in resignation. I knew the answer. I could deny it, but I would be betraying my heart. I could tell myself that it wasn't a smart move, but it was too late now. I felt consumed by this feeling and the word 'like' didn't seem to be good enough.

"Yes," I whispered as if saying it lowly would save me from Jake's words.

"That way?"

"Yes." I think it had been the first time I had admitted that to myself or anybody else.

"Since when?"

"Since forever." It was the truth. I had always 'liked' Edward and now I had come to realize that.

"Does he know?"

"I don't think so…"

"Good," Jake said firmly and I turned to look at him.

"Why is that good?" I asked and he shook his head.

"Guys. When they know they have you, they act like assholes because they know you won't go away. They have you trapped. Their true colors show after that."

"Edward isn't like that," I said defensively.

"Bells, just listen to me. Don't let it show right away. I mean, if you wanna be lovey dovey with this guy, go for it. Just don't let him feel like he has all of you. You wanna keep that fear in him. That fear that you might fly away like a bird. In this case a swan," he said and tickled my side. I slapped his arm away after giggling until tears of laughter poured down my face.

"Edward is the opposite."

"How so?"

"He acted like an asshole before and then he was nice."

"Huh."

"Yep, I know his real colors. I love every single one of them."

"Love?"

"Don't start! It was just an expression." He chuckled.

"What's wrong with love?"

"I don't know what that is."

"I wanna know what love is! I want you to show me Edwin!" Jake sung in a horrible tune and I laughed.

"Shut up! That's not the way the song goes!"

"Oh, well it fits you better like that," he chuckled as we passed the 'Welcome to Forks' sign. "Just be careful, Bells. Don't give your heart to this fool right away. Let him give his first. Don't let him know that he could have yours if he wanted to."

"I think it's already his."

"Don't forget that I'm in that heart and Renee, my dad, and me again." He smirked. "Take good care of it and only let the right one in. There is only so much space in there. If he breaks it, we'll all be screwed and I would kill him." I kissed his hand and hugged his big arm.

"You're the sweetest fake brother ever," I whispered as I snuggled into his shoulder.

"Yeah I know. Hey I've been meaning to tell you something about Edwin…"

"Edward!"

"Yeah him."

"What about him?"

"I feel like I've seen him before."

"Really?"

"Yeah, he has a very familiar face and his voice too. I've been wondering where I've seen him before. I try and think back, but all I get is bad memories." I slapped his arm.

"You're making that up."

"No, Bells I'm serious. I'll figure it out. I swear," Jake said and I rolled my eyes. We finally turned on my street and from a few houses down I spotted Edward's Volvo and a black car.

As we got closer I realized it was an FBI car.

"Oh shit…" I whispered and Jake tightened his grip on me. As he parked by Edward's Volvo, I looked around in panic.

"Bells, calm down," Jake said worried and stopped my shaking right hand. I hadn't even realized I was shaking. "I'm sure if he was here, the FBI would have gotten him by now." I took a deep breath and opened my door. I walked to my house with Jake right by my side and he wrapped an arm around my waist.

I gulped and with my shaky hand opened the door.

Edward and my mother were sitting on the couch listening to Agent Molina who stopped his talking as Jacob and I walked in. Edward sprung up from the couch and ran to me. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me away from Jake.

"Thank God you're here!" He sighed in relief and pulled me tighter into his body.

"Edward what's going on?" I choked as I saw my mother's tears. Edward kissed my neck and my cheeks and snuggled me closer into him. He almost seemed like he couldn't hold me close enough. "Edward, please tell me. What's going on?" I begged and he sobbed into my neck.

"I'll always protect you. Always, I swear."

"Edward please,"

"They've spotted your dad," he finally confessed. I visited that place that I hated the most. That place in my mind that I feared I wouldn't come back from.

_I'll bring you back_

I remembered Edward's words and with that I closed my eyes and fell into the nothingness, while grabbing Edward's shirt for dear life.

**Hope the ending of this chapter doesn't make you upset : )**

**The first four chapters have been cleaned up thanks to**_** lizde. **_**A tight and warm hug for her. Another hug (tell me if I'm getting too touchy) to Verosmee Cullen who now is translating ATTY to Spanish. I read Spanish and I'm so happy because she is doing an amazing job. It sounds just the same, but in another language. It's cool to read the reviews and see that people feel and think the same as you guys that read it in English. **

**I've been getting a lot of reviews and PMs asking me about **_**the bet.**_** I'm sorry that I haven't been able to answer back, but here it goes…guys I haven't forgotten about it. Something is gonna' happen. I thought it up before many things that have already happened in this story, but you'll have to wait : ). It's good that you haven't forgotten and also don't forget about the baseball bat Edward lost in Bella's house in ch 16. He forget about, but you shouldn't : )**

**Until next time and please leave me lovely reviews! I beg! I have no shame.**


	23. Love Hurts

**OME I know, almost a freaking month! But all my classes decided to give me exams and I had the worst writer's block EVER! My brain was empty of angsty goodness bahaha**

**Hope you're still with me. I'm not going to leave so don't leave me **cries and begs dramatically*****

**Here is Edward. How I've missed him! Have you? Thank you and buckets of love for **_**edwardrocksmysocks**_**, who you folks know, rocks MY socks for fixing what I call "my writing." Title of chapter taken from Incubus and their song "Love Hurts."**

**Fits Edward in this chap…you'll see or read...**

Ch23/Edward/Love Hurts

"Are you alright?" I asked Bella as I held her in my arms. We were sitting on her couch while everyone in the living room was eyeing us. Before she could leave me again I shook her and begged her to stay.

Bella stayed this time. She didn't go that place in her mind.

She took deep breaths trying to calm down as I rubbed her arms. Her mother looked confused and I knew she had no idea that Bella zoned out or that she was so fucking scared of that monster she married. I was so stressed out about Charles and worried about Bella that I wanted to take it out on Renee for being so fucking stupid. I wanted someone to blame and she seemed appropriate. But I controlled myself because if Bella didn't blame her, who the hell was I? Besides, my Bella needed peace right now.

"Where is he?" Bella asked and it felt like a right hook to my gut. I could tell she was scared and I wished I could do something else besides assure her that everything was going to be okay. The damn truth was that I didn't know. I opened my mouth to answer her, but nothing came out. Instead I turned and looked at Agent Molina who nodded at me.

He explained to her that Charles had been spotted trying to take a plane to Seattle from California. He must have spotted the men after him because he never boarded and they don't know where he went. Bella tensed up in my arms as Agent Molina confessed that they had lost him and I held her tighter to me. He left after assuring Bella that she and her mother were safe. Bella began to sob into my chest. I kissed her forehead and whispered how everything was going to be okay in an attempt to comfort her.

Why do people do that? Why do we promise everything is going to be okay if we have no fucking clue if it will?

_It will, you asshole. If you finally used your fucking balls and man up for her._

"Bella, don't worry. I won't let anybody hurt you again…ever," I assured her. She didn't answer back.

"Yeah Bells, we won't let anything happen to you," Jacob said sitting next to us. I had forgotten he was here and how much he got on my fucking nerves. I rolled my eyes at him.

Renee made dinner, but nobody was hungry. Well Jacob, being the giant that he is, helped himself to a few servings while Bella and I sat on her couch. I sighed into her hair. It felt so fucking good to hold her, but best of all, was that she was letting me and not pushing me away.

"Do you think he wants to come back here?" She asked finally breaking the silence.

"I don't know Bella. I hope not. But if he does, it would be fucking stupid of him."

She finally pulled away from my embrace and looked at me in the eyes.

"I don't like being scared Edward," she whispered. I caressed her cheek and sighed. "It hurts sometimes, you know? The fear, it hurts."

"I know," I whispered back and leaned to kiss her cheek. She smiled sadly at me and looked towards the kitchen. Renee and Jacob were busy in their own conversation. "I promise that I won't let anything happen to you. It's my job to protect you."

"Your job?"

"More like duty. No matter what, I'm here." She snuggled back into my arms and kissed my chest, right over my heart. I felt my breathing stop. My eyes widened and my mouth dropped like a damn fool. It always caught me off guard when Bella showed affection. I mean I loved it, but I couldn't get enough of it. I wanted more. I was always too late. When I would realize that _she_ had kissed _me_, her lips were no longer on my skin. It was cruel really; cruel that I was only getting a bit of her. It made me so damn happy when she would kiss me instead of me doing it. It gave me hope.

Maybe she felt something for me to.

Bella loosened up her arms around me and sat up when Jacob came back. I hated him more. He turned the TV on and I knew he wasn't leaving which irritated me further. Though he couldn't get the fucking clue that he was being such a third wheel, I let it pass since Bella giggled at his stupid jokes and comments of everything we watched on TV. I could tell he was only doing it to lighten the mood up and I shut my mouth.

Bella needed it.

After another hour, Jacob _finally_ left and Bella stood up.

"I'm going to get some sleep," she said and looked at me. _She wants me to leave_. I don't know why this bothered me so much. It was part of our agreement, but I wanted to stay with her. I couldn't bear to leave her now. I need to be close to her…always.

_Is that too much?_

Maybe, but I don't give a shit. I've waited a fucking long time to feel some sort of connection to another person and now that I found her, I want her all day and every day. I wanted to protect her and comfort her. I wanted to make her happy.

_What a fucking sap Cullen!_

_Again, I don't care. _

I stood up and nodded while she smiled sadly at me.

"I know you're probably not in the mood," I stated while taking her hands in mine. "But I'm taking you to Port Angeles tomorrow."

"What? Edward, what if he's…"

"He won't be there. Besides, do you actually think he would try something with me around?" I asked and she blinked while contemplating the idea. "Look Bella, you need this. You need to get of this town for a while and have some fun. I can be fun." I smiled at her and pulled her in for a hug.

"You can be fun?" She asked into my chest and I chuckled.

"Do you doubt it?"

"No, I just really like the idea. I like fun." I kissed her forehead and if she wouldn't have put restrictions in the 'friend' department, I would have tried to kiss her again. We hadn't had a real kiss and it was starting to bug the hell out of me.

_All I could do now was stare at her full and delicious lips and…_

"Get out of here Cullen," she interrupted my thoughts. She was smiling at me and I knew she had caught me.

"So that's a yes?" I waggled my eyebrows and she giggled lightly. "Please?"

"Okay, just don't beg. You look like a dog." I laughed and gave her one more hug before she kicked me out for real.

"You sure you want me to leave?"

"Edward," she muttered.

I woke up the next morning with a fucking smile on my face and practically jumped off my bed. I took a shower, brushed my teeth, tried to fix my hair, but that was a lost cause. I dressed in my best clothes, but then thought it was too much and Bella would freak out. I went back to some jeans and a jacket.

I raced downstairs and even though I was an hour early, I could hardly wait. Before leaving last night, Bella and I had agreed on spending the entire day out. As I made it to the kitchen and I spotted Esme humming while cooking breakfast. I smiled and rushed to her. I hugged her from behind and she yelped as I squeezed her tight. I let her go and she turned to me with a surprised look on her face.

"Good morning Edward," she said and I laughed at her confusion.

"Good morning."

"May I ask what is wrong with you?"

"Wrong?"

"Yes, you give hugs now? Wait, who is the lucky lady?"

"Es…Mom don't start…" I couldn't fool her.

"Who is it?"

"Just a girl."

"Can't be _just a girl_. She has you giving hugs and with the biggest grin I've seen on your face." I didn't even realize I was grinning until she pointed it out. I tried wiping it off my face, but I just couldn't. Not today. I chuckled.

"Can't I just give you a hug? I feel really bad about how I've acted these…um…uh past 10 years," I muttered and Esme smiled. "I'm sorry I've acted like an asshole. I could say that I was doing it for attention, but I have no excuse." I have no idea what the hell I was doing. Am I apologizing? I think a simple 'I'm sorry' wasn't enough, but Esme smiled. She took my face in her hands and kissed my right cheek.

"I love you son."

"I love you too Mom," I whispered and she wrapped her arms around me.

"I really gotta meet this girl. I owe her my life." I held back the silly, cheesy feelings that I wanted to spill out of my eyes, but I acted cool. "Is she the reason you got all handsome?"

"You noticed? Is it too much? Do I look like a fucking douche bag?" I asked worried and she just laughed.

"Oh Edward, you look handsome. She is one lucky lady. Don't worry, I'm sure she'll love you." I'm not sure if Esme knew how much I wish that were true.

~/~/~

"Good morning Edward," Renee said smiling as she let me in her house. "Aren't you early?" I blushed in embarrassment.

Blush?

I'm turning into a girl.

"Um…uh I think my clock is ahead or something." I suddenly suck at lying.

"Bella will be down in a few. I have to go to work, so make yourself at home." Renee surprisingly gave me a quick hug and left before I could react.

I sat on the Swan's couch and nervously fidgeted with finger nails. Why was I so fucking nervous? It wasn't like this was a date or anything. It could be…this was just two friends hanging out. But somehow I knew this was my second chance and I feared I would fuck it up. I couldn't and wouldn't fuck it up. If I had to be prince fucking charming, I would.

After what probably was only five minutes, but felt like hours, Bella finally made her way down the stairs. I quickly stood up and ran to the end of the stairs like an eager puppy waiting to be petted. Bella looked beautiful. She wore a pair of black jeans and a white blouse and the way her curled brown hair contrasted against the white, made me gasp.

She finally looked at me and stopped in the middle of the staircase. The blush on her cheeks and the way she bit down on her lower lip made me smile and apparently mute.

"Hey," she whispered and I just nodded. "You're early." Again I nodded. I'm a fucking idiot. I used to think I had game and I could bone any girl I wanted, but with the girl I love I have no idea how to impress her. Fucking life…

"You look great," she said as she began descending the rest of the stairs. I just smiled like a moron wishing that I could say how beautiful she was, but somehow words could never fairly describe it. Suddenly my hands were sweaty and I had lost my breath. I shoved my hands in the pockets of my jeans as she got to me and tried to regain my breathing. She smelled fucking amazing. A little fruity, a mix of her damn strawberry shampoo and her _Bellaness_. Great, I'm making words up now.

"You okay?" She asked and I just gulped and muttered something that was supposed to sound like "yep" but sounded like a foreign language. She giggled and waited for me.

"Um…you ready?" I finally managed to let out. She followed me outside and I waited as she locked her house door. She walked toward me and I quickly opened the passenger door for her. As she was about to jump in, I stopped her and kissed her forehead. "You look beautiful," I whispered and brushed some of her hair behind her ear as she blushed that pretty shade of red.

"You too," she sighed and we both laughed.

"I know this is not a date but I feel like I should've brought some flowers or something," I mumbled and she shook her head.

"That would've been tacky. I like originality." She smirked and I rolled my eyes which caused her to giggle as she jumped into the car.

"What do you wanna listen to?" I asked as I put the car in motion. "Van Morrison, Blue October, indie, pop, alternative, 1990 chick power songs," I joked sending Bella into another round of giggles.

"Uh, how about 'Bitch' by Meredith Brooks?" She teased and I chuckled.

"Sadly I lost that song. But I do have Kings of Leon."

"How do you go from chick power songs to that?"

"Oh I just really like the Kings of Leon," I said and she nodded in agreement. I selected Kings of Leon's 'On Call' on my iPod and turned to face Bella. I was surprised to catch her staring at me. "Do I have something on my face? I shaved…"

"Shut up," she laughed, but quickly quieted. "You know something, Edward? Sometimes, I feel like I've known you forever. Like, there is nothing I don't know and that feels comfortable, but then sometimes I feel like I'm missing so much of you. I hardly know you beyond our new friendship," she said lowly while looking out her window. Her words made me nervous.

I thought we knew everything that was needed to be known of each other. Besides, it wasn't like I had a pretty past. I've blocked most of it from my memory, but it has always come back to make me the bitter and cold kid everybody knew me as. Now, I could say I used to be that guy.

I used to be.

With Bella, I'm new. It's one more reason to like her. Scratch that. It's one more reason to _love_ her. Thinking or talking about the past just doesn't seem like a good idea. I doubt she would like me after.

"Well, what do you wanna know?" I asked nervously.

"Everything. I want to know every little embarrassing thing to the proudest moment of your life," she said and I could hear the smile in her voice as I stared at the road.

"I don't think I have a lot of proud moments, but I'm the king of embarrassment. More like, of shit infested days and past. You would hate me."

"No I wouldn't. Besides, it's not like you're the only one with a bad or scary history," she mumbled and I felt like an ass. "Just spit it out Edward. I'm your friend, remember? I'm here to listen. You've listened to me. You don't know how much I love that you did."

"Really?" I asked excitedly and she smiled at me.

"Yes. It was so freeing finally telling someone. It made me feel free. I'm glad I chose you. I'm glad you didn't think less of me for what I've been through."

"I could never," I assured her. "On the contrary, it made you stronger in my eyes. I felt so weak compared to you."

"Why do you say that?"

"I don't know, it just…" I stumbled with my words. "It just made me realize I have been acting like a total asshole these years and I've blamed it on the life I had before I lived with my foster family. That shit doesn't compare to what you went through. You made me realize I needed to change who I was. If you didn't hate the world, why should I?"

"Will you tell me of _that_ life one day?" She asked and I didn't answer. "After all, Edward wouldn't have brought me my first Happy Meal. He wouldn't have given me a phone just in case I was in trouble. He wouldn't have defended me from Rosalie nor would he have told his father about what my father did to me so that I could finally get some help or spend the night with me that first night after he saw what my father did to me, without having lived what he lived through. I believe our past shit or mistakes can make us better or worse and it's up to us to choose. You've chosen." She said and I sadly smiled at the road.

I suddenly felt her hand cover my free one and squeeze it lightly.

"You can act all tough ass or pissed, Cullen, but I know you and for that reason alone you can be whoever you truly are around me. You can be free too." I smiled again and pulled her hand to my lips and lightly kissed it.

"One day," I whispered and turned to find her with a content look on her face.

I had never enjoyed the fucking mall so much in my life.

I tried holding Bella's hand in public, but even something as innocent and simple was so fucking hard. We had held hands before, but in public that would be like announcing we were dating and according to Bella that was a "hell no" at the moment. It hurt, but I knew-or at least thought I knew- why Bella had placed me in the 'friend box' but goddamn was I impatient. Maybe I had been too direct when I told her I wanted to her boyfriend. It wasn't my fault, it just came out. I hadn't even thought of it until the moment Bella's eyes looked at me that night.

I became a fucking softy who suddenly wanted to play girlfriend and boyfriend with Bella. But who gives a shit. Besides, I think it would be kinda…nice to have her as my girl. I'm tired of being alone and Bella deserves someone to finally worship her instead of putting her down. I could do that. I would do that. I would be at her feet. I think I already am.

We walked through the mall side by side. I was so freaking out. I felt like I was on my first date again…well I've never been on an actual date so maybe the freaking out was normal.

Date?

I hope this is a date.

The weird thing is I always imagined myself doing this to get laid. Though one day I would like to get _very_ laid by the girl next to me, sex was the farthest thing from my mind.

Surprising much?

At one point her hand hung by her side looking like a great opportunity to take it mine. Like usual, I over thought about it and right before I could decide, she stuffed her hands in her jeans' pockets.

Bella found amusement in shit I used to ignore and it wasn't in stupid clothing or shoe stores—like I'm sure girls like Tanya or Rosalie would've liked—t was all the lonely and random antique and art shops. They weren't packed with stupid teenagers or douche bags. There were always a few old or nerdy looking people looking around. I would sigh in relief. Bella would point at some paintings and sculptures and tell me the whole fucking history of them and how the particular style of art came to be. I used to think it was fucking stupid the mall had these kinds of stores as nobody ever came in here and who really gave a shit? But then the look on Bella's face every time she spotted something she liked made me understand.

"You want it?" I asked as she kept fingering a wooden bracelet with a wooden heart.

"I wish. I have no money," she muttered and I smiled as she didn't get what I was trying to say. So I grabbed the bracelet from her hands and ignored her protests as I headed to the register.

"Edward, that bracelet is too expensive. It was carved by real Apache Indians." I rolled my eyes that she knew that. "You shouldn't!" She said and tugged on the sleeve of my jacket.

"Bella, its just a few bucks."

"More like a few bucks times twenty."

"I wanna buy it for you."

"Why?" She asked as I handed the lady at the register my credit card.

"Because, other guys have female friends that make them buy them expensive shoes and clothes but I have a really cool friend who just wants a bracelet. I'm the luckiest son of a bitch in the world. Besides, you should have seen the look on your face when you found that bracelet. You're so damn cute," I said as the lady handed me the small bag with the boxed bracelet. Bella just smiled and rolled her eyes, but she couldn't think she was distracting me from her beautiful blush.

"Thank you Edward," she whispered to me as we walked out of the art store. I could hear the honest gratitude in her voice. I could feel the warmth in my chest and I had to take a breath so it wouldn't overwhelm me. I'm being over dramatic, but it happens. "But you don't have to buy me things because I'm your friend. I would like you regardless."

"I know, but I like making you happy. That bracelet makes you happy, so it's now yours." She smiled at me and I really wish she would let me kiss her or at least hold her hand as we walked. "How about a movie?"

"A movie?" She asked excitedly and I couldn't help but chuckle. She looked like she was five. It had been a long time since anybody I knew got this excited about going to the movies.

"Yeah, I hear there's this chick flick about some girl who falls for a vampire."

"Sounds like crap," she muttered, but then grinned widely. "I totally wanna watch it!" She cheered and I laughed loudly, causing some people to stare but I didn't give a shit.

Of course I wasn't surprised to know Bella had not been to the movies since she went when she was ten years old with that dog Jacob Black and his dad. I bought the biggest bucket of popcorn and drink with two straws and Bella gave me the puppy eyes for some Twizzlers which I, of course, fell for. Bella could ask me for all my money and she had no idea how easy I would give in.

It was early in the day and the movie had been out for weeks now, so Bella and I were the only ones in the theater room.

It was great.

I held the giant soda after Bella teased me for picking the size and we both spent the commercials stuffing our faces with popcorn. I turned to look at her after a few minutes and smiled at how she licked the butter from her lips.

_If I were her boyfriend, I would do it for her._

Yes, I realized I was pathetic, but I couldn't possibly be blamed for this. She was just so damn beautiful and desirable and the funny thing is that she had no fucking clue how sexy and cute she could be.

I hardly paid attention to the movie. All I knew was that the vampire guy was such an emo asshole, but apparently that's what the girls swoon over. Not only was the girl in the movie dazzled by the pale jackass, but so was Bella. I chuckled at how she gasped when he and his human girl were in trouble and how she sighed when they finally kissed.

"You're such a girl," I whispered and she turned to slap my arm.

"Shut up!" She giggled.

"Just stating facts."

"You're just jealous that vamp boy has a way with the ladies and you don't," she teased and I laughed loudly while feeling relieved we were the only ones in the theater.

"I think I'm good with the ladies."

_But I totally suck at trying to woo you._

"Oh really? I haven't noticed," she muttered and I could hear the sarcasm in her voice.

The emo vampire and his human girlfriend went to prom after she almost died and the movie finally ended. Seriously who likes this crap?

"I loved that movie. I'm going to read the books," Bella sighed as we walked out of the theater.

"Bella!" I groaned and she giggled. "How do you even know there are books?"

"The credits clearly said, "based on the books by…"

"Smart ass," I muttered.

"You asked!"

"I know I did," I said and playfully scowled at her. "You hungry?"

"Um yeah…"

"Great, because I know just the place."

I drove nervously to the fancy pants Italian restaurant. I didn't want her to feel pressured or uncomfortable. This was just friends having dinner…at a really nice restaurant.

"Edward?" She asked and I nervously smiled to let her know I was listening. "You alright?"

"Of course!" I blurted. I almost slapped myself for responding so quickly and sounding so pathetic.

"I don't know. You seem so…nervous."

"Quit staring at me Swan," I mumbled and she giggled. God I love it when she giggles.

"I can't help it. You're so beautiful."

"Shut up."

"No, but seriously. Is there something wrong?" I had never felt someone so honestly concerned with me. I know I'm a little drama queen, but the way Bella asked and the way she looked at me as if she was so worried, warmed every part of my chest. I couldn't help but smile.

"Of course, Bella. I'm just so worried about fucking this up. I always lose and I can't help but blame myself for it. I don't wanna lose with you. I want to win you. Better yet, I want to deserve your friendship. Just tell me if I start fucking it up." I stared at the lights ahead of me and she said nothing which only made me even more nervous.

We arrived at the restaurant and it was crowded as fuck. Luckily I had called a few days ago to reserve a table, but still had to wait because the place was jammed. I felt Bella tense up. As I turned to look at her, she grabbed my hand and leaned her small body into mine.

I should've taken her hand myself.

The host walked us to our table and I kept Bella's hand in mine. I held it tight just in case she decided she didn't have to have it in mine anymore. I'm a beast, but I was going to make sure she was with me. I finally released her hand as she sat across from me and I could already feel the panic that I was losing her.

Yeah, I know.

Clingy much?

"You come here a lot?" Bella asked, finally breaking the silence.

"Um not really. I feel really weird with all of these rich folk," I muttered and she smiled. "It's just a place Carlisle takes Esme to on Valentine's Day." I quickly wanted to slap myself. "It's not that this…I'm not trying to…uh…um…"

"Edward," she placed her small hand on top of mine. "I get it." She smiled at me and I just rolled my eyes, trying to play it cool.

"It's funny how every plate has a detailed, almost poetic description of what it is," she said while she looked at her menu. "I think I'm lost."

"Bella it's just food. Not rocket science," I teased and she glared at me.

"I just don't want you to spend so much money on something I might not like." I sighed heavily and she shook her head. "I'm just saying…"

"Bella, don't worry about me and money. I have plenty. I'm not showing off or anything, I just don't want you to worry."

"But I'm sure your father wouldn't like it."

"Bella…" I didn't wanna tell her this, nor have this conversation, but she was just so damn stubborn. "It's not Carlisle's money I'm spending…its…" I sighed. "It's my dead mother's fortune, plus the money my real dad gave to me. I didn't have access to it until I turned 18 and so it grew over the years. Since I was nine, it just sat in a bank account earning interest. So don't worry about me and money and order a steak," I said and gave her a smile.

"I don't really like steak."

"Well get something you do like," I chuckled.

"I wish I knew what half of this stuff was," she whispered to herself and I chuckled. She eyed the menu and turned to look around. I could tell she was feeling out of place and so was I. She nervously bit into her lower lip as she scanned the room and started to rock back and forth. It was probably because of how the crowded the place was.

It made her nervous.

"Hey, you know what I've been craving?" I asked trying to sound as honest and convincing as possible. "Some McDonalds…"

"Really?" She asked incredulously.

"Yeah, I haven't had some in a while."

"The chicken nuggets were good," she said grinning into her menu.

"Soooo…how about we get the hell out of this snobby place and get us some extra salty fries, chicken nuggets and a milkshake?" I said waggling my eyebrows causing her to giggle.

"But you already drove here and called in reservations…"

"Who cares? Come on!" I said standing up and taking her hand to help her off her chair.

"Edward, you're crazy!" With her hand in mine, I led her to the doors when the host stopped us.

"Leaving so soon?" She asked and we didn't even stop so I just shouted over my shoulder.

"We realized you had no chicken nuggets on the menu! Blasphemy!" Bella giggled all the way to the Volvo.

We got two chicken nugget Happy Meals and a couple of strawberry milkshakes back in Forks and drove to somewhere we could eat. I parked on the side of the road and led Bella to my meadow that I wanted to make hers. The sun was already setting and so I knew we had little time before it got dark. I grabbed a couple of flashlights from the trunk that were left there from a camping trip we took months ago alongside a blanket.

Bella kept asking where I was taking her as she held the bag of food and her milkshake while I carried the flashlights and blanket. I ignored her and kept walking. We finally reached the meadow and started to fix the blanket so we could sit and I looked up at her. She was staring at the meadow in amazement and I chuckled at her amusement.

"It's so beautiful here," she whispered as I took the stuff out of her hands.

"I know, it's my favorite place." I sat on the ground and she did the same. We ate our nuggets and fries in silence until we were done. I scooted my body to get as close as possible to her.

"Why is it your favorite place?" She finally asked as we stared at the sunset. I felt this would be a part of a chick movie Alice would be watching while I rolled my eyes. But I liked this…with her…with my Bella.

"It's hard to find and there's nobody ever here. It's my place to get away from it all."

"From what?"

"People. I've never been a people person. Always wanted to keep to myself, but nobody seems to understand that. They take it negatively, like I hate them or something. I mean, I dislike most people, but I just like to be alone."

"I understand you," she said softly and turned to look at me. "I didn't mind being alone, before you and I became friends." I smiled at her and wrapped an arm around her, hoping she didn't mind.

"Now?"

"Now loneliness seems so evil and unnecessary," she whispered as she snuggled into my neck. "What made you want to show me your secret place?"

"I want to share it with you. Make it our secret place…as cheesy as that sounds."

" No, I love it," she said and I could feel her smile on my neck making me grin like an idiot. "I really love it."

_And I love you. I swear I do._

"Edward?"

"Yeah?"

"Where is your dad?"

"Probably at the hospital."

"No, you're real father." I gulped and thought about what I was going to answer her. I figured the truth.

"He's in jail," I confessed.

"For what…if you don't mind me asking?"

"He was a drug dealer and he killed someone." She didn't say anything, staying silent for a moment and I feared this would cause her to back away. Instead she held me tighter.

"How old were you?" She asked.

"He left me and my mother when I was four and got put in jail when I was six."

"That must have been hard for you."

"I was too young to understand. I was four when he left, but it's not like he was really there with us before. I didn't even realize he had permanently left until I saw that his side of his closet in my mother's room was empty."

"Did he ever try to contact you after he got arrested?"

"Yeah, after my mother died. He called me from jail and told me he was my father. I might not remember his face, but I will remember his raspy voice forever. I didn't say anything to him. He didn't apologize or anything. He just said he was, and I quote, "bummed that Ma' died." He said he felt bad and that he would help me out. I could live with his sister, but I said no. I didn't need his help. He said he had a lot of money. His grandmother had died and left it for him and, since he was going to be in jail for the rest of his life, he got a lawyer to put in a bank account for me to have when I turned 18. I didn't thank him. I really hated him. I hated him with all my heart."

"And now?"

"I just feel bad for him. I'm ashamed of him. It's fucked up I know, but I never loved him and he never cared about me so I don't give a shit about him. He sent a few letters to the foster care place in Seattle asking if I could go visit him. I didn't know about those letters until Carlisle asked me if I would want to visit my father, Edward Masen, in jail. I told him that I didn't have a father with the last name Masen. My last name was Cullen. It wasn't yet, but Carlisle and Esme had already told me they were going to adopt me. Carlisle never asked me again, but did assure he would take me if I changed my mind."

"Did you ever?"

"No," I said feeling sort of guilty.

"That's okay. I would've done the same." She caressed my cheek with the back of her fingers and I sighed pulling her hand for a kiss.

"I've never told that to anybody. I know I'm just a whiny teenager, but that shit is just painful. You were right. It feels better when telling someone." She smiled and kissed my cheek. I closed my eyes trying to make the feeling of her soft lips against my skin last longer.

"You can tell me anything. And you father missed out. He had Edward, my Edward, as his son and he totally missed it. Carlisle sounds like a great man."

"He is and I've just acted like a complete asshole to him over the years."

"I'm sure he understands."

"It still doesn't make it right."

"Why did you act like an asshole to him?"

"I don't know…I guess I was just trying to push him away before he could push _me_ away. You know what I mean?"

"More than you'll ever know," she whispered and pulled away from me to lie on her back. I didn't understand what she had meant, but I decided not to dwell on it. "The stars are coming out." I laid down next to her and sighed. I had missed the warmth of her body next to mine.

"I miss you," I said and searched for her hand until I found it by my side and wrapped her fingers with mine.

"We've seen each other every day."

"I missed this…you like this by my side." We stared at the sky for a long time and I almost dozed off listening to her heart beat and slow breaths next to me. I wanted so badly to pull her over my chest and wrap my arms around her.

So badly…

"I wanted to hold your hand today at the mall."

"You did?"

"Yeah, but I was too chicken shit. I thought you would hate me for it." She chuckled.

"Why would I hate you for that?"

"I'm an idiot, you know that already. Besides, I've never held a girl's hand in public before."

"What? You, Edward Cullen, the ladies man, never held a girl's hand?"

"I've never had a girlfriend."

"You lie," she giggled and slapped my arm.

"I'm not, I swear. I've gotten laid yes, but…"

"Edward I don't think I'm liking this talk anymore."

"I'm serious. I've gotten laid but I've never had a girlfriend."

"Why?"

"I don't know. Nobody seemed…"

"Good enough?"

"I'm not a douche bag Bella." She giggled again. "Nobody seemed trustworthy. How could I give my soul to someone that I didn't trust?" I said looking at the stars. The sky was darker and the moon was showing its face.

"I guess you're a genius Edward. That makes perfect sense." I turned my body to face her and pulled her to me, wrapping my arms around her small waist.

"I could give my soul to you if you would let me. If you would let me in, I would give you everything. Anything you want, it's yours. I would fight the fucking devil himself for you." I neared her face and kissed her forehead. "I want to give you everything," I whispered in her ear and kissed her sweet cheek and then her nose. She closed her eyes and let me kiss her face. She sighed and held onto my shirt as if this was a ride. "I feel so much for you that it hurts not being able to be close to you." I kissed the side of her mouth and right when I was going to kiss her lips she placed her hand on my mouth and stopped me.

"Don't," she whispered. Her eyes still closed.

"Why?" I hated how disappointed I sounded but luckily she didn't hear how hurt I was.

"Because, you said you would give me your soul and that means I have to give mine to you."

"Yes, I suppose." I didn't know where she was going with this.

"You said to give your soul to someone, you have to trust them." I nodded. "I guess I don't feel for you what you feel for me, because I don't trust you. I don't." Her words stung. Stung places in my chest I didn't know existed. It hurt like hell. It fucking sucked. I bit down on my lip to keep the stupid sob in my chest from escaping. I wasn't going to fucking cry over a girl.

_You have…you cried for Bella, remember?_

_Fuck you!_

I nervously smiled and took my arms away from her and laid on my back, trying to avoid her pity eyes.

"I guess I deserve this," I said lowly to keep her from hearing the pain in my voice. I closed my eyes hoping I wouldn't break and cry anyway. I felt like a fucking pussy.

"Edward, it's not…"

"No, Bella it's alright. I'm sorry I even…never mind. Just forget about it. I've already fucked up again. I'm so sorry," I said and she didn't try to say anything again. I kept my eyes closed and the way her shoulder brushed up against mine burned to the core of my fucking soul.

I wanted this so bad. I wanted her. I knew I had never wanted anything so bad but her words let me know that it wasn't mutual. I would never have her. She just wanted me as a friend and if that is all I can get, then I won't be a whiny bitch. I will take it. Something is better than nothing. I already know how it feels to have nothing when she is not around. It fucking hurts.

But I can't help but think this hurts a lot more right now.

Everything hurts.

The way her shoulder feels against mine, the warmth coming from her body, every sigh and deep breath she takes; it fucking hurts.

But I've never felt so alive before I met Bella. They say love makes you feel alive, but pain does too. It lets you know you're not dead…yet.

If she could only feel how much I love her. I think I hadn't realized how much I loved her until this rejection. It's too bad she would never feel the same for me. I have nobody else to blame but myself.

I quickly wiped the tear that escaped my eye and turned to look at Bella, hoping she hadn't noticed.

She didn't.

Her eyes were closed. She was beautiful. The light from the moon and stars made her pale, porcelain skin look magical. I wanted to curse at the fucking wind.

I turned my eyes back to the sky and placed a hand on my chest.

"_I love you Bella," _I mouthed to the stars wondering if I would ever get the chance or balls to tell her.

Love hurts…

**Boooo Bella! So do we wanna slap Bella or understand her but slap her anyway?**

**I swear this story has a happy period and we are almost there bahaha**

**So you guys don't know how ashamed I am that I've broken my promise and lasted so long to update. I'm hoping to update again and soon! Very soon.**

**Chapter 5 has also been revised thanks to the awesome **_**lizde**_**. She is so cool. Who would wanna read through all that Bella angst AGAIN, just to fix my spelling? She's brave and lovely.**

**Until next time (very soon I swear) and leave you're lovely comments. ATTY almost has 1k reviews! How exciten'! Let's get there.**

**P.S Yes I poked fun at Twilight the movie. But come on! We all do it! Bahaha I love Twilight. My life would "suck" without it ***or Rob** cough : )**


	24. Let The Right One In

**So here is an update my lovely readers! Thank you for the lovely reviews. I may not reply to many of you, (insert excuse here) but PLEASE know that I love and read every single one of them. I need them like Edward needs for Bella to finally trust him. Speaking of which, here is Bella.**

**Title of chapter taken from the very cool vampire movie of the same name. It's not in English and you have to read subtitles, but it totally rocks. Thanks again to **_**edwardrocksmysocks**_** for her lovely comments and fixer-uppers. **

_Ch24/Bella/Let the Right One In_

"So what do you think Bella?"

"About what?"

"We've…no, I've been talking for the past twenty minutes. Bella where is your mind?" My mother asked and I shook my head in embarrassment.

_With Edward…_

"I just don't feel well, but I'm sorry Mom. You were saying…"

"Would it be okay if Phil came over and had dinner with us Saturday night?" I stared at my mother in disbelief. I had been in a bad mood all week. The word bad didn't seem good enough. It was more like scary, dark, and painfully frustrated. Does that make sense? My vocabulary doesn't expand past those words, so that would have to do.

It wasn't my mother's fault. It wasn't anybody's fault, really but I really didn't feel like seeing Phil or having him in my house. I smiled at my mother and I knew she could tell it was fake, but she let it pass.

"Sure mom," I sighed.

"Honey, he doesn't have to come."

"Just tell him to come over mom," I whined. _God what is wrong with me?_ It wasn't like this all day. All week, I got up in an alright mood, spent my school day with a smile on my face, which I never thought I would, and then I would come home and feel like utter shit.

One name is in mind all day and every day…

Edward

No, he hasn't acted like a jerk again and no he hasn't ignored me or acted like he hated the world. In fact he has been all smiles, nice, sweet and so damn cute. I can't help but smile and giggle like a little girl with a school crush the whole time I'm with him.

Crush?

No!

That's not what's happening, I swear…

He's my friend. Friends don't have crushes on each other. This isn't a bad romantic comedy where friends of the opposite sex can't be friends because love happens. Really? Come on. But then Edward drives me home, makes me laugh, says sweet things to me and then leaves with a short goodbye. He doesn't even try to convince me to let him stay. He doesn't push it or say anything about staying. Then the shit fest happens. I feel hurt but I don't blame him. I blame my stupid mind for over thinking things.

I pushed him away. Did I want him to kiss me? God only knows how much. I've dreamt about it ever since. Now, I stare at Edward's lips and wonder how it would feel to kiss him back. I know how soft and warm they are. I get flustered just thinking about it. I really wanna kiss that boy, but what he said to me and what I fear exploded in my mind.

He felt so much for me?

That's what he said.

Like what?

Puppy love? Friendship? Gratitude? I didn't even wanna know. I'm scared to know what he feels.

Why?

I don't know if I can trust myself.

I told him that I didn't trust him and in part that's one of the reasons I held back, but in reality I'm more afraid that I will fall forever into his embrace. I will get attached and then, when I least expect it, he will pull away. He'll leave me or lie to me. I can't help it. I've been surrounded by nothing positive in my life. My own father acted like I was everything he hated. He almost killed me. I could see the hate in his eyes every day of my life. How can I trust Edward when I've only know him for a little while? Maybe it's stupid of me to doubt Edward. After all, he's been there for me. But I fear.

I fear…love.

That's what's supposed to happen between boyfriend and girlfriend, right? Could I love Edward Cullen? Could I do that without him hurting me?

My time when he's not around certainly is hell. I can't stand when he's gone.

I don't feel like doing anything and mope around at work and at home. I don't even feel like drawing. I toss and turn in bed at night and feel like screaming. I may be overdramatic, but I feel like so anxious and nervous.

I figure that…I miss him.

I grabbed my phone one night and sent him a text message.

_Goodnight Edward_

That's all my cowardly self managed to text him. I waited for what felt like an hour, but was only a minute.

_Goodnight Bella_

Come on! Tell me more. Tell me anything. Ask me anything. Tell me how much you hate me for rejecting you. I deserve it, but you have to understand.

I'm so fucking scared.

I do it every night after that.

_Goodnight Edward_

And he never fails to answer back.

_Goodnight Bella_

After, I would stare at my balcony door wishing he would magically show up. I would let him in. In a heart beat I would let him in. But I figure that it's better this way. That way I don't have to see that crushed look on his face when I reject his kiss... yet again.

He said he felt something for me and I told him that I didn't feel the same. It didn't sound how I really meant it. It sounded like I had no feelings for him, but that was so false. I just meant that I wasn't feeling like giving my trust to him like he was ready to give it to me. I'm starting to think Edward doesn't wanna be my boyfriend anymore and I start to panic. Then I freak out. I don't like that I panic thinking that he won't want to be my boyfriend, because that was never my concern. Why do I care? I don't wanna be his girlfriend anyway…right? Do I secretly wish he would keep asking to be?

I'm a sick individual.

I'm a mess.

I'm so stupid.

I wish I had an older sister or a close girlfriend that I could ask what the hell to do. Though my mother acts like my older sister most of the time, she's still my mother and I don't feel like telling her anything. It's not like we're friends or anything, it's just plain weird. It's times like these when I wish I had a friend like Alice. I thought about talking to her, but then I thought that was a bad idea since we would be talking about her brother. She would be biased and I would have no real opinion.

Renee sighed bringing me back from my thoughts. I sat up and looked at my mother in the eyes. She looked hurt. I cursed at myself for feeling bad for her. My inner bitter bitch wanted to keep acting like a brat towards her, but I scowl at it and insist that I'm not like that. I don't hold grudges.

"I'm sorry again Mom. It will be fine with me if Phil comes over. But I do have a question," I said and my mother nodded.

"What is he?"

"What is he?" She asked confused.

"Yeah, is he your…boy uh um…Mom just don't make me finish the sentence. It feels weird," I mutter and she giggles.

"He's just a close friend. I'm still married to your…"

"Yeah, I get the point," I cut her off. I don't want to have a conversation that will eventually lead to _Him_.

"Maybe dinner is weird. How about a late lunch in Port Angeles on Saturday after you get out of work?" I nodded feeling like there is no way I could say no even though that is really what I wanted to say.

_You're such a fucking push over Swan._

I know.

On Friday, some new student was the topic of the day. Strangely I hadn't seen this new student at all, but from what I had heard, he was "sexy as hell." Alice and Angela, who still sat with me during art class, discussed how "cute" and "sexy" he was while we drew. I rolled my eyes at them when they said I would agree when I saw him.

Before English, I walked to my locker and found a letter from Edward inside. I smiled like a fool as I read it. Sometimes he did have a way with words. That reminded me that he always carried a journal with him. I would have to ask to read it one day.

He invited me to come to his house for dinner with his family tomorrow night. He said the letter was my official invitation. I giggled at his fancy writing as he was trying to make it look like a real invitation letter, but then I felt sick to my stomach.

His family?

Like with his parents and stuff?

I began to hyperventilate. What if they don't like me? And why does he want me to have dinner with them? I'm over thinking things again. Friends do that all the time. What do I wear? Geez I'm worrying about clothes now? I stopped my inner torture, when I felt someone stand beside me. It wasn't one of the whores because this person smelled like expensive cologne and cleared _his_ throat.

I turned to face him, because I knew he was looking at me. He was standing ridiculously close to me and making me feel uncomfortable.

"Hey there pretty girl," he said to me with a wide smile. He winked at me and I felt blood rushing to my cheeks.

Stupid blush.

He was tall, slim, but I could see the muscles through his tight green t-shirt and he had blonde hair and the bluest eyes I had ever seen. I guess Angela and Alice were right.

"I'm James, the new guy I guess you would know me by that." He smiled at me and I could tell he was trying to charm me. It was working a little, but he wasn't that great. I knew someone who…

There I go again.

"Hello James," I said and mentally cringed at how my voice sounded like I was a nervous twelve year old girl. "I'm Bella."

"I know, I asked around until someone told me your name. I have to say it fits perfect with you…beautiful."

"You asked around for my name?" I asked a little confused, ignoring that he had just called beautiful. What the hell did he want?

"Yeah, I saw you in my math class. You didn't see me I'm guessing?" He arched an eyebrow and I shrugged. Honestly I hadn't as I had too much on my mind. Still do…

"Um, no I'm sorry."

"Its okay beautiful, we'll be seeing each other a lot now." He smirked and I'm sure he looked handsome to a lot of girls. He was very handsome, but he was just starting to creep me out.

"Why is that?" He chuckled.

"I come to this school now."

"Oh," I said dumbly.

"Yeah, I'm really from Port Angeles, but I did some stupid shit and got in trouble and my father sent me to this small town as punishment. He's just embarrassed as he's the mayor and all."

"You're James Whitley's son?" I knew this guy was just trying to impress me and I fought the urge to laugh. Why would he want to impress me? Besides, I wasn't impressed by him. He seemed more of a…what Edward would call a douchebag.

"James the second of course," he said smoothly.

"Well congratulations," I muttered when the bell rung and I started walking towards English.

"Wait Bella," he shouted and was about to grab my arm when I pulled it away. I didn't feel like freaking out in front of the new kid. "Wow, you have a little sass. I like that," he chuckled and I realized he had taken my actions wrong.

"I need to get to class," I said trying to get away from him.

"Oh, just one question beautiful," he said and I smiled at his nickname for me. Really? This guy is smooth. I'm being sarcastic of course.

"Ask away," I said dryly.

"How about we hang out tonight?"

_HUH?_

"Uh, why? I don't even know you. You don't know me?"

"Well that is what dates are for, beautiful. Besides, I'm bored in this town and all the girls in this school look fake and like total bitches. This one chick, Tania, Tanua, Tanny, I can't remember her name."

"Tanya," I muttered with boredom.

"Yeah her, she was totally trying to hook up and to be honest with you, beautiful, she was not my style and too loose," he said leaning close to me and I took a few steps away from him. I ignored that I wanted to gag at his word usage and smiled at him.

"Well James, I'm totally honored that you would ask me out," I lied. "But I sorta already have plans," I lied again, but I knew this James guy wouldn't give up. "Besides I don't think you wanna be seen with me. I'm the loser of the school," I said sarcastically. It was the truth. I was the girl who was picked on throughout all of the school years and now, it only stopped because I wore pretty clothes Alice picked out for me and did stuff to my hair. It doesn't change anything for me.

"I don't give a shit about that beautiful. Besides, don't you know men always crush on the nerd or loser of the school?" I giggled and shook my head.

"Well, I guess you have a lot of competition. Sorry James, you're nice, but maybe next time." I walked off. I could hear him chuckle and I rushed to English.

I made it just in time and headed toward my desk. I met Edward's green eyes, but felt the cold feelings they held. Something was wrong with him. I smiled at him and he gave a quick smile back, but he returned to his blank face. I was about to ask what was wrong when the teacher began to talk.

She talked all class period.

"What's wrong Edward?" I finally asked as we made it to my locker. He sighed and stood by my side as I grabbed my stuff.

"Nothing," he muttered.

"Bullshit Cullen, spit it out!" I gave him a threatening look which only caused him to smile.

_God that smile is so beautiful._

"I'm just worried."

"About?" He shook his head and looked down. He didn't answer me and instead waited for me in silence as I finished grabbing my backpack. We stopped by his car and he leaned against the passenger door.

"Just ignore me Swan and answer my invitation? You coming for dinner Saturday?" He asked and I smiled. He sounded so cute when he called me by my last name.

"Um, yes but may I ask why?"

"Why not?"

"I don't know, it just…I'm a little worried that they won't like me or that I'll do something embarrassing. You know I'm clumsy, Edward. Like stupidly clumsy." He chuckled and ran his hand up and down my back sending shivers all over my body.

Yeah, friends do that all the time. All the time…

"You're only clumsy half of the time and its endearing actually. Besides, Alice already wants you to be her BFF and I do mean forever. My mom already loves you just by hearing about you and I'm sure my dad and Emmett will too."

"You've told your mom about me?" I asked shocked. I don't know why that made me feel so warm and happy to the point of tears. I'm being too emotional. My period must be coming soon. But he freaking told his mom about me! Me!

"Yeah, she asked and I had to tell."

"She asked you what? Quit messing around Cullen and get to the damn point! I'm dying here." I poked his belly causing another round of beautiful chuckles. He took my hand and wrapped my fingers around his.

"I like it when you call me Cullen."

"To the point Cullen! What is it? What did she ask?" He smiled sheepishly and surprised me when he pulled me to him with his hands on my waist. I gasped as I felt his chest against mine and his breath on my forehead. He kissed it with his soft and warm lips and a shaky breath escaped my mouth. My heart was beating like I had ran into his arms and a warm and tight feeling spread through my chest. I couldn't breathe and I found it odd how much I loved this feeling. It's kinda painful, but I love it.

If he only knew what he made me feel, I would have no chance and my walls would crumble. They are already cracked and dangerously shaky. He would waltz in and I would not put up a fight.

"She asked why I was so damn happy," he whispered in my ear and kissed it lightly. He moved us around and before I knew it, I was in his car as he drove me home. He was so…dazzling? I guess that's the word. Yes, he was very dazzling.

He dazzles me.

I took his hand in mine as he drove and, though he didn't turn to look at me, I could see the smile on his face. It made me sigh.

I feel like a cheesy girl.

That night, I tossed and turned. I grabbed my phone, and feeling a little more courage, I dialed the number instead of texting.

"Bella?" He asked a little shocked and with a sleepy voice.

"I'm sorry, did I wake you?"

"No, I'm still asleep."

"Smart ass."

"You know it," he teased and my cheeks ached from my wide smile. "I'm honored you decided to call me in the middle of the night, Bella. Really, but what is the reason for this lovely call?"

"Me being an insomniac mess."

"Hmm, well aren't I lucky?"

"Shut up, I could call someone else."

"No!" He shouted and we both laughed. "I was just kidding, love." I decided to ignore that he just called me "love" it was too much. He ignored it too. "What's wrong? Why can't you sleep?" I sighed loudly and stared at the balcony door wishing he was here with me.

"Am I the reason you're so happy? Please tell me if I'm sounding a little self absorbed," I said and took a deep breath.

"Yes," he simply whispered and I felt that weird warm feeling again; that painfully good one.

"Me? Really?"

"Hell yes." I giggled. "You're not being self absorbed. You're the only one in my world, so there is nobody else to worry about. It's just you and me with you as the most important part." I felt the tears running down my cheeks and I sniffed. I hoped he didn't hear. We said nothing for a moment. I finally cleared my throat.

"Edward?" My damn voice cracked.

"Bella?" I couldn't help but notice his voice sounded a little heavy too.

"You don't know how happy your world makes me. I wish you would let me stay there forever," I wiped away the few more tears that escaped my eyes.

"I will let you stay forever. You'll always be where you belong which is with me. No matter what, I'll keep you safe."

"Thank you."

"Yeah."

"Goodnight Edward."

"Goodnight my Bella." I kissed the phone after he hung up and hugged my pillow wishing it was him.

I _am_ a cheesy girl.

Phil was nice. He didn't make my mother feel useless or stupid. He also didn't threaten me and actually tried to make me like him. He was sweet and even knew stuff about me that I didn't think my mother knew. I guess I was wrong about some things.

I could tell she liked him. She liked him a lot. The scorned and bitter part in me wanted to hate my mother. I wanted to shout and ask her why she never fought for our happiness. Why did she only think of herself?

But I didn't say anything or even glare at her.

She giggled at the funny things Phil would say and I gave her an honest smile. The selfless part of me felt so happy for her. The rest of my angry self didn't say anything. This was Renee, my mother. I had accepted it, though it wasn't easy. There was no point of holding grudges. Holding them wouldn't give me my childhood back. All I could do was promise myself never to be that way with my future children. I would be brave and fight. I would kill for them.

I promised.

Mike had let me go early again on Saturday, so lunch with Phil and Renee happened pretty early itself. Phil took us shopping and, even though I refused to accept anything from him, I still ended up with a bag of new clothes. My mother was excited that Phil seemed to like me and I had to admit the guy wasn't that bad. They took me back to my house and they left to do whatever it was that they did. I didn't want to think about it. I locked all the doors and windows in my house. I had become a paranoid freak, but I didn't care.

I texted Edward and he promised to pick me up in a few hours. I spent those hours finishing my homework and drawing. I always looked out my window just in case anybody was to show up. I worried that it could be _Him_.

When I spotted Edward's Volvo in the drive way, I ran out of my house and into his arms. He chuckled as he spun me around. It felt silly, but I had never been so damn happy and relieved to see him. Even the way he smelled made me feel safe. He always did smell amazing. The drive to his house wasn't a long one and, before I knew it, he held my hand as we walked into his beautiful home.

My hand trembled in his and I felt as if my heart was in my throat.

The last time I had been here, the only Cullens present were Alice and Edward, so when I spotted a slim and beautiful brunette walking towards me with a wide smile I quickly felt out of place. I could feel my nerves practically vibrating my whole body and I took a few breaths trying to ease them up. She was so elegant and seemed like the kind of person that goes to fancy colleges, eats at fancy restaurants and who doesn't curse. But she did seem nice. Very nice.

"You must be Bella!" The beautiful lady said and hugged me tightly. She smelled like flowers, vanilla and pure kindness. "I'm Esme Cullen, Edward's adoptive mother," she assured me as she pulled away, but now holding both my hands.

"She's my mother Bella, forget the adoptive part," Edward muttered and it only caused Esme to hug me again. I giggled at her strong affection. I didn't even know her.

"Nice to meet you Mrs. Cullen," I said shyly.

"Call me Esme dear and you must meet my husband." She took my hand and asked if she could walk me to him. I nodded and giggled when I heard Edward groan and complain. He begged his mother not to smother me, but I assured her that I didn't mind.

Dr. Cullen or Carlisle, as he preferred, was just as kind and strangely happy as Esme was that I was here. He was a handsome man and I vaguely remembered him from when I visited the hospital when my usual clumsiness would kick in.

Esme led me into the dinning room where I found Edward waiting for me. He grinned at me, but I think it was the fact that his mother had her arm wrapped around me that made him happy. I sat next to him and wondered where Alice and Emmett were.

"They are on their way. They were hanging out at the mall," Edward said and I nodded.

"Why didn't you go with them?" I asked and he chuckled.

"Bella, would you go with Alice to the mall? Shopping?" I quickly shook my head and we both laughed.

"Besides, I was too excited that you were coming over." He smiled at me and took my hand in his under the table. "Did my parents scare you?"

"No, they are the sweetest. I like them very much."

"I think they love you," he assured me. "Let's just say, you're my mother's favorite person right now." We talked and joked for a few minutes when I heard the front door open. Alice ran into the dinning room and hugged me. We both giggled as we spun around. I hadn't even noticed she had lifted me out of my chair. The pixie was stronger than she looked.

"You're going to hurt her, Alice!" Edward warned which only caused us to laugh, though his tone was serious. I sat back down and Alice promised to be back after she washed her hands. Emmett walked into the dinning room, joking about how he was ready to eat a whole cow. Edward called him a cow and Emmett realized I was present when I laughed at the joke.

"Hey," he gasped as he stared at me. "Um, uh…you um…Isabella," he furrowed his eyebrows and I mentally slapped myself for forgetting that he was Rosalie's boyfriend. He probably hates me.

"It's Bella and quit looking at her like she's weird," Edward said angrily and I squeezed his hand which was still hidden under the table. I could tell by his eyes that Edward was ready to take a bullet for me. I didn't understand, Emmett didn't seem so bad when he smiled at me.

"Yeah, Bella." Emmett nodded and slowly took a seat across from Edward who was still shooting daggers at him with his eyes. Emmett looked at Edward seeming to ask what I was doing there with his stare, but Edward didn't say anything. Instead, he looked down at me and gave me one of his crooked smiles that I loved.

Alice came back holding a tray and Esme was behind her carrying a few bowls. They both declined my help as they set the food at the table. Alice sat across from me and Esme sat to my left at the head of the table. Carlisle sat at the other end and smiled at me when he caught me looking.

We started eating and it was starting to become difficult eating with one hand, but Edward wouldn't let go. I smiled when he would playfully tug my hand or play with my fingers. The Cullens were talking, but I wasn't paying much attention. They asked me a few questions about myself and school. I gave them honest answers, but I stuttered and lost my words as I spoke. I was so nervous and the way Edward's warm hand felt was too distracting. I did catch Emmett eyeing Edward and me suspiciously a few times and it started to worry me.

"Bella dear, what are your plans for after high school?" Esme asked and the room was silent waiting for my answer. I swallowed my nerves and smiled at her.

"I uh…um I'm thinking of moving to California," I said and I could feel Edward looking at me. I hadn't told him, because I had just received the letters Friday morning. "I've looked at some art colleges there and I've been applying for some scholarships. I just got the letters yesterday that I was approved for some of them."

"That's amazing honey. It sounds exciting," Esme said cheerfully and Alice nodded.

"You should see Bella's art mom. It's amazing and inspiring."

"It is," Edward agreed and smiled at me. I was nervous for his reaction, but his smile assured me that he wasn't upset.

The dinner continued and as I laughed with the Cullens, I took a look around and the melancholy was quick to remind me. I've never really had a family dinner like this one. I quieted myself and turned to look at Edward who was laughing with Carlisle about something. I wanted to kiss him and thank him for this. I don't think he realized how special this was to me.

After dinner, Edward wanted to go outside, but I made him wait as I forced my help on Alice and Esme. He smiled at me and kissed my cheek before he led me to the kitchen. I helped Esme wash the dishes as Alice put the leftovers away. Edward had left but I was too entertained with Esme's stories about younger Edward and how he used to get in trouble with her for silly things.

It made me smile to know that most of the time Edward was a quiet and smart kid. I could tell by the way Esme spoke about him, he was her favorite son though she would never admit it.

"There was just something about a broken Edward, you know? I just wanted to fix him and cuddle him," she said as we finished.

"He's never really been 'cured' of his past demons, but I have always held out hope. He didn't deserve what happened to him as a child," she said sadly.

"What happened to him?" I asked and Esme just shook her head.

"It's not my story to tell dear. But know that under that dark cover Edward likes to hide behind, he is the sweetest boy. His heart is so big, but bad things made him not use it. He put it away and locked it. But you Bella," she whispered and her eyes watered, "you have made him use it again. For that I will be forever thankful to you. You managed to do what I have failed at. You made him want to live again. I can see it in his eyes and when he looks at you. It's as if it couldn't get any better for him. He looks at you as if you were his world." Esme brought me into her arms again. Alice was nowhere to be seen. I guessed she wanted to give us a moment. I smiled as Esme thanked me again.

"I've done nothing, Esme. He's the one who has done so much for me," I assured her as she looked at me. In that same moment, piano music started coming from another room. Esme laughed and shook her head.

"You say you've done nothing, but just listen."

"Is that…"

"Yes, he hasn't played in years and just a few days ago he started playing again." I didn't say anything. Esme excused herself, but not before pointing to where he was. I smiled at her and headed towards the living room.

There he was, _my_ Edward. His back was to me as he lost himself in the piano notes he brought to life. It was beautiful. I slowly walked to his side but he didn't notice me until I sat next to him on the piano bench. He opened his eyes and gave me a warm smile while his hands kept playing. He returned his gaze down to the keys and closed his eyes as I watched.

I watched while he played his sweet and beautiful song. His face at a beautiful peace and I never thought I could feel this much in my heart. It was as if it was an explosion of everything that I felt for him. How could this be wrong? How could this hurt? It felt so good.

He finally stopped playing and slowly turned to look at me.

"That was beautiful," I whispered. He smiled at me and caressed my cheek with the back of his fingers.

"I wrote it for you."

"For me?" I gasped and he simply nodded. "You wrote such a beautiful song, Edward. I don't deserve it," I choked and I tried hiding my eyes from him. He placed a finger under my chin and pulled my face up to look at him in the eyes. His pressed his forehead against mine and his warmth caused me to sigh.

"Of course you do. It's what I feel for you Bella," he whispered and, without realizing, I placed a hand on his chest. Instead of pushing him away like I once thought I would, I pulled him closer to me. His green eyes were soft as they looked into mine and, through his shirt, I could feel his heart beat. He placed his hand over mine.

"You feel that for me?"

"I do." His voice broke and I closed my eyes trying to contain my emotions. "Don't close your eyes. I need to know that you want this too." I opened my eyes again to find his looking at my lips.

I want to. I want this so much. It feels so right.

He kissed my cheek and I gasped as his soft lips made contact with my skin. He again asked me with his eyes if he could kiss me. I didn't say anything but he knew the answer. He slowly neared my lips with his and my heart raced as we both anticipated the moment where his lips and mine would finally join together. His lips lightly and smoothly brushed against mine and we both gasped. He gently placed his hands on both sides of my face and pulled me to him to finally give us what we needed. I closed my eyes and waited. I was going to let him do this, because there had never been anything I had wanted more than this.

Just as I felt his warm breath against my lips a loud and obnoxious voice scared us apart.

"Bella! You total b word!" Alice screeched as she flew down the stairs. Edward groaned in annoyance as I pulled away. Alice finally got to us and looked between Edward and me suspiciously.

"We totally have to talk!" She said anyway and Edward sighed heavily and stood up. "Oh shut up Edward, you get to have her all the time. We never get to hang out," she whined. Edward didn't listen and instead left the room, but not before smiling back at me. I smiled back feeling my heart so heavy for him.

Alice sat next to me on the bench after Edward left and clapped her hands as if she were six years old.

"Bella, why didn't you tell me James Whitley asked you out?" She squealed and I looked at her confused.

"Um, uh I didn't think much of it, I guess," I mumbled but Alice cut me off with another squeal.

"So it's true! Angela said someone told her that James told someone else who told Ben who totally told Angela that he wanted to ask you out! Then Angela said that James told Ben he _had_ asked you out!"

"So?" I questioned and Alice rolled her eyes.

"So? Bella he's the hottest bachelor in school! Even Tanya Denali wants a piece of that ass! But apparently he only wants yours!" I rolled my eyes at her. "Tell me you said yes! Tell me, tell me,"

"Yes! God damn it Alice! I totally said yes!" I was just annoyed and being sarcastic, but the loud grunt that came from behind us didn't hear my bad attempt at sarcasm. I turned to see an infuriated Edward staring at me…glaring at me. I gasped and stood up ready to make my excuse, but Edward didn't wait for it. With his fisted hands on his sides, he marched to the door and left, closing it with a loud bang behind him.

"Edward!" I called out and as I tried to go after him, Alice grabbed my hand. I was about to shout, but I held it together. I pulled my hand out of hers and glared at her. "I have to explain this to him! He can't hate me!" I panicked, feeling the tears running down my face and Alice sighed.

"Bella, this is good. I knew he was listening. I just said those things on purpose so that I could piss him off.

"What? That's sick!"

"No Bella, I was just trying to stir him up. I'm tired of him being a coward about his feelings for you. He needed that so that he can stop being such a pussy and finally tell you how he feels about you instead of pushing you away," she explained and I wanted to grab her and shake her, but all I managed was to shake my head.

"Alice, you're wrong! I'm the one that pushed him away," I cried and she furrowed her eyebrows in confusion.

"What? What do you mean?"

"He made it pretty clear how he feels, but I'm the one who pushed him away."

"Why?" She asked worriedly and I wiped my tears away.

"I'm just scared. I can't open the doors to him so quickly," I told her and she smiled at me.

"But Bella he adores you! Haven't you seen the way he's changed? You should've seen how he acted around here before you happened! Now he walks around like he's got freaking wings. That ain't no Redbull girlfriend! It's them fuckawesome feelings he has for you! You're just blind! You're gonna go around waiting for the right time, but in the meantime, you'll both walk around empty and sad because you can't be with each other due to your insecurities! Quit wasting time. You only live once. And this may scare you, but you can't see what I see. You can't see what my mother sees. That boy would do anything for you. He would put the whole world at your feet. How the in the world can that be bad?" She shouted and I knew she was frustrated, but I couldn't help but chuckle.

"Oh Bella, I'm so sorry." She walked to me and hugged me tightly. "I have no idea what your life has been like. I have no right. You should just open those doors when you're ready and let the right one in."

Let the right one in.

Alice is a genius.

"No Alice, I want to explain things to Edward. I said 'hell no' to James. He's such a douchebag," I said and Alice giggled.

"He totally is! Oh my god I thought I was the only one that thought so, but all these little sluts at school throw themselves at him," she said in disgust.

"And you're right Alice. I also…" I took in a shaky breath and smiled at her. "I wanna let Edward in. I don't wanna be empty anymore. He makes it better. Way better." Alice squealed, jumped up and down and clapped her hands again and couldn't help but laugh at her excitement.

"Is he the right one?" Alice asked waggling her eyebrows at me. I didn't answer her and instead marched away and opened the door to the Cullens house and headed out.

I was going to find him.

I was going to find _my_ Edward, because he's real this time. I was going to find him.

**Soooo do we still wanna slap Bella? I never wanted to because to be honest, I made this Bella up. Bahahaha Many of you are worrying about the bet. Please trust me on this. The bet will come up and I hate it as much as you do. I promised happy times and I meant it. Edward has some explaining to do first.**

**This story may be coming to its end in a few weeks if I can get my shiz together. There is a lot that still has to happen so hold on (love, fluff, some more angst, then more love). For sure, it will be done by the end of the year.**

**Review and I shall love you forever. Every moment of forever that is…oh movie Edward how I love thee and thy romantic cheese.**

**Chao!**


	25. Sharpie Girl

**WOW! For some reason you guys decided to show me some **_**major**_** love and ATTY quickly passed the 1k review mark. I thank you from the bottom of my angst filled heart. I read all reviews and I swear I squeal like annoying Alice who most of you wanted to slap last chap.**

**Thanks to my one and only **_**edwardrocksmysocks**_** for not being mean to me when I screw up the English language.**

**Here is Edward, who most of you worried would f**k up again. Let's see if he did…**

_Ch25/Edward/Sharpie Girl_

I'm so fucking stupid.

God, can't I be right about something for once in my life? I thought she wanted my love. I thought she could see it. I thought she could see, but I was wrong.

_Just because she doesn't want your love, doesn't mean she can't see it!_

_Just shut the fuck up!_

I punched the ground I sat on and immediately felt the sting. I grabbed my hand and bit down on my tongue to keep me from screaming like a little girl. I had punched a tree on my way to my meadow and, at the time, I didn't think much of it until I repeated the same dumb ass move. I realized my knuckles were bleeding now and the dirt made it sting worse. I exhaled loudly and glared at the scenery ahead of me.

I was acting like such a fucking cry baby, but I couldn't help it. I know I needed to grow up and face the music that my Bella didn't want me the same way. But did she have to play with my fucking heart this way?

I knew I had no right to question her since I myself had yet to confess to her the real reason I had approached her in the first place.

After I had taken Bella out that Sunday, the next day at school, Rosalie reminded me that I had a responsibility to finish with what we had planned. I fucking spat at her, telling her she could kiss my ass and walked off. She, of course, didn't appreciate it, but kept her claws away. Though she didn't do anything more, she would give me these looks when she would catch me walking with Bella or say little comments about popping cherries and other bullshit. I hadn't realized how much I really hated Rosalie and how much I fucking wondered why my brother liked her.

He of course was confused with everything. While I walked up to my room, leaving Bella with Esme and Alice, he stopped me to ask what the hell I was doing bringing her to our house. I ignored him and threaten to kick his ass if he said anything to her. He didn't say anything back and nodded. We had already had a huge fight earlier this week. I exploded on Rosalie when Emmett brought her home yesterday. She was talking shit about Bella and I called her a bitter bitch that couldn't get over what happened to her and Emmett hated when someone would remind Rosalie. Nobody had the right to remind her of the fucked up shit that happened to her, but it was nobody's fault. He almost punched me, but Carlisle stopped him. Rosalie left crying, of course, and I was made out to be the bad guy.

Emmett hadn't talked to me all day today and when he finally did, it was to nag about Bella being in his house. It worried me that he had started to dislike Bella too. It wasn't like Emmett to hate someone but I understood. Bella had pissed Rosalie off and Emmett, strangely, feels love for that monster so whatever she decides to do he will follow. Like hate Bella…

Rosalie's persistence made me nervous all week.

I couldn't sleep with the guilt and fear weighing heavy on my thoughts. I felt guilty I hadn't told Bella the truth, but it seemed that every time we took steps forward to something good, something bad from me always fucked it back up. I was tired of having her mad or upset with me and I feared that once she knew, she would not forgive me again. I wouldn't be able to live without her. It was fucking crazy how dependent I had become upon her.

I was fucking needy and I had tried to back off and give her breathing room, but then she would text me at night hinting that she missed me and acted like she wanted me around. I began to have false hope and I really thought she wanted me to kiss her at my piano, but then reality slapped the shit out of me.

How could she have said yes to fucking James Whitley? She said fucking yes! I, who has begged her, sit all alone in my fucking pathetic state while she's with my sister probably planning what to wear on her date with that motherfucker. I wiped away the few tears that escaped my eyes and groaned as my injured hand reminded me again that I had a bad temper.

It was getting dark. I knew I should probably get back home since I had no flashlight with me, but I couldn't make myself move. The moon, from afar, started to fully show its face and I shook my head. Time passed, but my fucking heart didn't seem to fucking notice. It still hurt like a motherfucker.

I had put myself out there and it cost me the worst pain. Though I resented Bella for this, I knew I would keep begging her. I knew I would be at my knees for the rest of my life and not for the reason I sometimes fantasize with a ragging hard on, but because I would spend the rest of my life trying to be good enough. She would have to see it eventually. Right?

I'm pathetic.

I should have seen this coming. I saw when James went up to her before English. I wanted to go up to him and rip him a new asshole for even daring to speak to her, but then I saw her giggling at him and looking at him with those traitorous brown eyes I love. I let it go and went to class and I thought I would get over it, but then I saw her when she came into class and her beautiful smile reminded me that I didn't have her. It reminded me that she could fall for any other asshole out there. Assholes like James, Mike, Eric fucking Yorkie or even Jacob Black. She would fall for them. They didn't take on a bet to take her virginity for vengeance. They didn't lie to her. They didn't act like total jerks to her or make her cry. I have and I hate myself so fucking much for it, because I have ruined any chance of her ever loving me back.

I lost her, before I even had her.

I glared at the sky.

I feel like a child.

I stayed in the same position for a few minutes until I heard footsteps. I snapped my head up as a few twigs broke from the feet making their way to me. I turned to find the source of the noise and my body jumped up when I saw her pretty face. I felt weak on my feet, but my heart raced as she made her way to me.

Her cheeks were flushed and I finally noticed that it was cold as a motherfucker. Her lower lip was in between her teeth and her brown eyes looked at me nervously. She had slowed her steps when she had spotted me and slowly made her way to me. I quickly wiped my face and sniffed away any evidence that I was crying like a bitch, but Bella noticed it anyway.

At first I thought I was seeing shit. Maybe God wanted to pick on me and make a fake Bella appear just to tug at my feelings. But when I sniffed in her sweet Bella aroma, I quickly apologized to God and held my breath as she made it to me.

She finally stood in front of me, examining my face with her soft eyes. I looked down in shame and shook my head.

"You found me," I muttered.

"I did," she simply whispered back and closed the distance between us. She took my face in her small hands and I finally looked her. "I did," she repeated and neared her lips to my face. I closed my eyes and bent my knees to meet her short stature and she kissed under my right eye and then my left. She ran her sweet, soft lips down to my jaw and placed another kiss there. I couldn't help but let out a broken breath as she brushed her beautiful lips across to my chin placing another sweet but longer kiss.

I opened my eyes to meet her soft and warm gaze. She smiled at me and I smiled back. She licked her full lips and looked at mine.

Was this really it? God, I wished it was. I wouldn't be able to handle it anymore if something else interrupted. Just this once. Please, just one real kiss and I will die a happy man.

Before I could be disappointed, Bella pulled me down to her and wrapped her arms around my neck. With her eyes halfway closed, she neared my lips with hers. Before my heart could give out, she pressed her sweet, soft lips against mine. I hummed as soon as our lips touched and kissed her back. I wrapped my arms around her small waist, pulled her up from the ground and pressed her tight to my body. She felt so warm and soft and so fucking right. I could tell she had never kissed anybody as she didn't move her lips. I broke away just for an instant to smile, but quickly took her lips with mine again. This time I pressed her lips a little more forcefully with mine.

I moved from her upper to her plump bottom lip making her whimper. Sucking and tasting and I really felt like I couldn't get enough. She was so warm and tasted like heaven with a hint of vanilla and it was quickly becoming a sweet, addictive drug. I moved my lips against hers and Bella finally got the clue and started to move her lips with mine. She threaded her fingers in the back of my hair and, to my surprise pulled me closer to her, deepened the kiss. A shock of warmth spread through my chest as I felt like she really wanted this as much I did.

A part of me was thrilled it was finally happening. God only knows how much I've wanted this kiss. In a way, her being the one to initiate it made everything so much better. It made me forget the pain in my knuckles and the reason I was so pissed at her. I would happily drown in a sea of this overwhelming feeling spreading like wildfire across my chest.

After another few seconds of Bella's sweet lips in my mouth, we both broke away gasping for fucking oxygen. I mentally cursed at my lungs. I never wanted to stop. I wanted to attack her beautiful mouth again, but her heavy breathing against my lips made me hold back. Our foreheads were pressed together and I opened my eyes to find hers still closed. Her skin was flushed and her mouth slightly open as she tried to catch her breath. She was so fucking beautiful.

"Wow," she managed to breathe out and I chuckled placing her back on her feet.

"That's a fucking understatement, more like fuckawesome," I whispered against her lips and she smiled at me while opening her eyes.

"Such a romantic," she teased and glanced at my lips. I could see it in her eyes and the joy of knowing she wanted to kiss me again almost made me cry like a fucking girl. Before she could think of anything that could change her mind, I cupped her face and kissed her again. She held onto my chest and for a moment I panicked thinking she would push me away. Instead she grabbed onto my sweater and pulled herself up to press her lips more firmly against mine.

We both hummed in unison as our lips met again. It was amazing how her lips molded with mine and her lower lip fit in between my lips, like the belonged together. I could do this forever. I would. My hands roamed down her back and to her waist, squeezing her soft skin that was now exposed as her sweater rose up with her movements. I really wanted to move them a little further down and maybe make her mouth meet my tongue, but decided not to be a horny douche. Instead I settled for a quick and gentle swipe of my tongue across her lower lip. She tensed up and I wanted for her to feel loved, so I began placing chaste kisses on the side of her mouth, across her jaw and finally on her neck.

"Bella," I moaned into her skin. "You don't know how long I've waited for you." She sighed at my words and I wrapped my arms around her small waist as I buried my face into her neck. With parted lips I kissed her neck and ran them up to the back of her small ear. "You taste like sparkles," I said playfully. She giggled and I sighed, feeling relieved she was still with me.

I pulled my head back to look at her and her smile quickly faded as she licked her lips and her eyes looked down at her feet. She touched her lips with her fingertips and gulped. The blush on her cheeks gave her away. I chastely kissed her blush, something I always want to do when her shyness makes an appearance.

"What's wrong? Did I suck?" I asked arching an eyebrow and she quickly shook her head.

"No! No, not at all…"

"First kiss disappointed? I've never kissed a girl who I really liked. I'm a total fail. I fucking…I'll get better…if not…"

"Edward, will you shut the hell up?" She shouted and I laughed with her.

"Then?"

"Then…it was the most amazing experience ever. I can't believe I get to say that was my first kiss," she whispered, but her face still held worry.

"Then what is it?"

"I've never kissed anybody," she whispered into my chest and she wrapped her arms around my waist and resting her head against my heart. "Was I any good? Did you enjoy it?" He worried voice let me know that she was seriously worried. _Silly girl._ I rolled my eyes at her and, instead of saying anything, pulled her away from my chest and gave her three quick pecks on the lips, before taking my favorite lip of hers in my mouth again. After we both ran out of breath again, I broke our kiss and pressed my forehead against hers.

"Bella, I've fantasized about kissing you for the longest time," I whispered breathlessly and her eyes snapped opened. "It's true. I obsessed over it like a freak. You can attest to how hard I've tried." She nodded and shook her head.

"I'm so sorry Edward," she said and wrapped her arms around my neck. "I've wanted to kiss you too, but I was scared."

"Don't apologize, love." I don't know where that came from, but I've wanted to call her that for the longest time. Yet I was too chicken shit to say those three words to her. "I know. I was just an impatient bastard," I muttered and she softly giggled.

"And about James…" Suddenly my smile faded and I was about to pull away when Bella pulled me closer. "Don't run off cry baby," she warned and I couldn't help but laugh at her attempt to sound tough. "If we're gonna be any good at this…you and I…you have to stop pulling away when something bad happens." I nodded and apologized with a sad smile. "About James, I was just bullshitting. Alice was just annoying me and I just exploded. I didn't mean for you to hear or hurt you," she said seriously and I wanted to kick my own ass for making her apologize when I had to apologize for years of teasing and for that fucking bet that clouded over me.

"So Alice was annoying you?" I asked trying to change the subject and she nodded.

"I really wanted to kiss you." My heart swelled and I felt like squealing...Alice style.

"We now have two things in common."

"Yeah?" She asked playfully.

"Uh huh. Annoying Alice and I really wanna kiss you too." I gave her another chaste kiss. "Did James really ask you out?" She huffed and rolled her eyes.

"Yep."

"That motherfucker!"

"Calm down Cullen. He seemed nice and took it like a man…well sorta… when I said no." I groaned.

"Bella, you remember when you found my broken ass in the woods and took me to your house to fix me up?"

"How I could I forget? I was so scared for you. You're pretty little face was all bruised up and bloody," she teased and I playfully squeezed her tight against me, making her laugh. "It was the first time we really bonded. It was when I stopped feeling nervous and awkward around you." She smiled at the memory, making me smile once again.

"Really? It was the same for me," I confessed. She caressed my cheek with her hand and I really began to think the smile on my face was permanent. "You really think my face is pretty, though?"

"Oh totally," she giggled.

"Well, guess who fucked it up that one time?" She widened her eyes.

"James?" She gasped and I nodded. "No, he's…" she paused and shook her head. "I knew he was a douche bag." I laughed and when I remembered that her father had also been the one to kick my ass that night, I was quickly returned back to reality. I decided not to tell her that part. "I'm cold," she said snuggling into my chest.

"Well, let me take you home. It's getting late anyway."

"Ok." I kissed the top of her head and, though I really didn't want to let her go, I pulled away and took her hand in mine to start our walk back to my house. I hissed when her small fingers grazed my injured knuckles. She pulled my hand to her face and glared at me.

"Cullen…"

"It was an accident."

"The truth Cullen."

"Fine, I got into a fight with a tree," I sighed and smiled sheepishly at her.

"What did I say about fighting?"

"You said no more fighting with anybody, but I did keep my promise. I only fought with mother nature this time," I teased as she walked over to my other side, taking my other hand.

"Well mother nature is not at fault for you hot head. You should apologize."

"Sorry mother," I muttered while looking around the woods. She laughed and we began to walk back to my house. I would playfully pull her to me and plant kisses on her cheek and she would kiss me back or slap my arm when I would catch her off guard by kissing her lips. It probably took us twice as long to get back home than it should have, but I didn't care.

I quickly grabbed my keys while Bella said her goodbyes to Esme and Carlisle. I could tell Esme wanted her to come back and I promised her with a smile that Bella would come over again soon. I glared at Alice while she hugged Bella, but my glare didn't bother her as she ended up hugging me too. Emmett was nowhere to be found, but I took that as a good sign.

We rode back to her house in silence which wasn't a bad thing. I was just too damn happy to say anything. I would turn to look at her and a smile was always on her lips. I tapped my fingers on the steering wheel out of excitement.

I held her hand as we made it to her door and sadly had to let it go so she could unlock it.

"I can't believe my mother isn't home yet," she sighed as she pulled me into her house. I didn't question and just followed her as she pulled me to her kitchen. "Sit," she ordered while pointing at a chair and I happily did as I was told. Yeah, I guess I'm whipped. She grabbed a towel and ran it under water. All I could do was stare at her and wait eagerly for the right moment to ask.

"Maybe, the tree won," she said as she cleaned my hand. I chuckled and nodded.

"Totally."

She finished cleaning my hand and quickly threw the bloody rag away. "I'm sorry I'm always making you clean my wounds. It must be hard to put up with me and my tendency to bleed when I get pissed. I promise to never let you see my blood again," I said and she just smiled.

"You know I hate blood, but I don't hate you. I will swallow the lump in my throat, push away my stupid fear of the nasty red liquid and kiss away your booboos every time you get hurt," she teased as she wrapped my hand with a small rag.

"Speaking of kissing," I whispered and neared my lips to hers. She smiled against my mouth and kissed me back. I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her to my lap.

"I think I'm spoiling you with all of these kisses. You're too greedy."

"Well I would apologize, but I'm an addict," I sighed and kissed her again.

"I don't mind."

"Really?"

"Not at all," she whispered and kissed me instead. She wrapped her arms around my neck and pressed her lips forcefully against mine.

"You're a liar," I breathed out and she furrowed her eyebrows.

"Why?"

"You said you've never kissed anybody."

"I haven't!"

"You're too good of a kisser," I teased and she rolled her eyes and returned her lips to mine.

I couldn't believe I was making out with Bella. Finally!

Feeling a little bolder, I gently ran my tongue along her lips causing her to gasp. As her lips parted I quickly snuck my tongue into her mouth finally meeting hers. I groaned as her tongue began to dance with mine and her small body relaxed in my arms. Her hands found their way into my hair, deepening the kiss. Bella's wet mouth tasted amazing. We were breathing heavily through our noses and the way she hummed, whimpered and moaned as my hands worshipped her back and hips made my dick twitch. As our mouths and tongues moved passionately together and with a hunger I didn't know we both held for each other, my pants started to become a little too tight and my hard on was begging for some love. I knew it would hate me for leaving it neglected, but for the first time I was thinking with the right head.

Bella was new to this and, without realizing it, I was letting her lust take over. I couldn't let her do that and pulled away from her. She placed her face in my neck and held on to me for dear life as she tried to catch her breath. The way her warm breath hit my skin wasn't helping my erection and I painfully shifted in my chair so I wouldn't scare her with my body's eagerness and need for her.

_Tight and wet, I bet she feels amazing. I bet she smells and tastes…_

_Dick, shut. The. Fuck. Up. This isn't some stupid chick at a drunken party. It's my Bella and, even though I bet she does feel amazing and even though I want that soooo incredibly bad, we're taking this slow. So cool it._

I shook my head and felt like an idiot for having an inner conversation with my dick and kissed Bella's hand before placing it on my chest. I took deep breaths to calm myself and Edward Jr. down. It was mind blowing how Bella could get me so hot and bothered with just kissing.

_Hahhaa blowing?_

_Fucking…_

Bella sat up and started to pull away, but I stopped her, pulling her back to my body.

"I must be heavy," she sighed into my shoulder as we hugged.

"You're not. Let me hold you a little longer. I've waited so long for this," I confessed.

She sat up again placing her hands on my cheeks and smiled while shaking her head. "What is it?" I asked.

"Nothing," she whispered and pressed her forehead against mine. This was the perfect time to ask.

"So how about now?" She looked confused.

"How about what?"

"Will you say yes now? Will you be my girlfriend?" I asked. Her eyes widened and her mouth dropped. "I know it's tacky shit to label us and cheesy for me to ask, but damn it I want it so bad. I want cheese with you." Her face softened. She let out a soft giggled and nodded. "What? What does that mean? Bella, I know our kisses are fucking awesome, but I know they didn't make you mute. I must be a great kisser then."

She rolled her eyes and slapped my arm causing me to chuckle. "You are a great kisser, but I'm not mute so…" she chewed on her lower lips and pretended to look pensive.

"Swan, you're killing me here!"

"Yes, you dork!" Before she could say anything else, I stood up and pulled her up placing kisses all over her face and neck while she giggled.

"Hell yeah!" I paused while she tried to control her laughter. "I can't believe I have a girlfriend. Who would've thought?" I mused.

"Well, the most popular guy, Edward Cullen, is taken by the biggest loser of the school. Typical," she teased. I looked at her in annoyance.

"You're not a loser."

"In school world."

"School world can go fuck itself…twice."

"Ok then." I smiled and kissed her again.

"Does this mean I get to buy you stuff?"

"No, Cullen," she muttered.

"Why not?"

"Because I don't need anything. I just need you." Her last words were whispered, but I would be able to hear them miles away.

"Does this mean I get to make out with you?"

"Sometimes."

"Hell yes, and does this mean I get to hold your hand in school?"

"You want to hold my hand? In public?" I glared at her and she quickly got the point. "Um, yeah I'm your girlfriend right? That's what couples do, isn't it?"

"I suppose, I've never had a girlfriend before, but I want to hold your hand because I want to, and not because that's what we're supposed to do."

"Edward, you have evil powers. You and those words you say." She wrapped her arms around my neck again. "I'm dazzled," she sighed.

"I'll show you dazzle." I was about to move in for another kiss when someone cleared their throat. Bella quickly pushed me off and I ignored the little that caused pain in my chest when my eyes caught her mother staring at us.

"Hey mom," Bella said nervously.

"Hello, Mrs. Swan." I'm an idiot.

"Hello Edward," she said calmly. It was sort of scary. "I trust that you two have had fun, but it's late. I'm sure your parents are worried Edward."

"Probably," I muttered. _You idiot, she wants you to take the hint and leave._ "Um, I should get going." Renee nodded with a smile and I turned to Bella. "Wanna hang out tomorrow?" Bella turned to her mother who just smiled and then back to me.

"Sure," she said softly and I took her hand kissed it. I would've kissed her lips again, but that idea was out the window when Renee decided to show up. I smiled at Renee as I passed her and I headed for the door. I walked to my car with a smile on my face, but before that could change, the door to the Swans opened again.

"Edward!" Bella shouted as she ran to me. She wrapped her arms around me and I hugged her back.

"I'll miss you too love," I laughed.

"Don't ever stop calling me that," she whispered and kissed me goodbye.

/~/~/

To say I wasn't fucking happy the next morning would be blasphemy. Of course I had Alice trying to show me her excitement, annoying the hell out of me and Emmett glaring holes into my face as if I had killed his puppy, but I didn't give a shit.

As soon I made it to Bella's house, my lips were on hers. We watched a movie in her living room. I fought the urge to suggest some normal and innocent teenage making out during the movie, but the way her body curled up next to mine was enough…for now. I settled for chaste and once in a while deep, breath taking kisses.

"You're really going to California?" I asked as she prepared lunch for the both of us.

"I've thought about it a few months ago when Mr. Freeman encouraged me. He said I was gifted or something like that. I didn't hear anything back until a few days ago. I really want to." I nodded and smiled.

"I'm proud of you. You should go. I'm sure you'll impress them with your art."

"What college are you going to?" She asked and I shook my head.

"I don't think I'm going."

"Why?" She sounded worried and I sighed.

"I don't know. It has really never crossed my mind. Besides, I'm not really good at anything."

"That's a lie and you know it. You're an awesome writer."

"I love to write. It doesn't mean I'm any good."

"I read your English assignments when we did our tutoring sessions in the library."

"What? I feel hurt."

"I'm sorry, I couldn't help it. You should see your face when you're concentrating. I knew it had to be good and it was way past the 'good' mark." I smiled feeling a little on cloud nine.

"College? I might take a look into it." Bella clapped.

Renee arrived just in time to have lunch with us. She wasn't so bad. She was nice and funny; I would say a little childish, but Bella loved her. I could tell she still held back from her mother and acted as if she was someone new in her life, but Bella loved her. Why on earth would she stay with a selfish person like her mother if that wasn't the case? I would act totally cool with Renee.

Besides, Renee released some top secret information about baby Bella. Unfortunately for Bella herself, of course. Bella was clumsy as hell from the stories Renee told and a little smart ass. Bella blushed and laughed at some of the stuff I heard but wouldn't protest. I couldn't help but notice Charles never made an appearance in Renee's stories.

"I can't believe you almost set Jacob Black's house on fire?"

"It was an accident and I was only five!" She defended herself as we made it to my car. I laughed as she poked my belly.

"So I'll pick you up tomorrow?"

"Yep."

"And I get to hold your hand."

"As we agreed."

"Good, I can't wait to see the look on James' face when he sees us."

"Oh so that's why?" Bella said angrily and started to walk away.

"Bella, I was only kidding. Shit, I'm sorry." I panicked running after her. She abruptly stopped and giggled as she turned to look at me. "You jerk!" I huffed, but she quickly made me forgive her when she attacked me with a deep kiss.

"I can't wait to see the look on his face either," she said breathlessly.

I took a deep breath as we walked into school. Bella's hand was tightly secured in mine, but the looks everybody was throwing at us made her tense up.

"Chill out, love," I whispered into her ear.

"Everyone is staring."

"Let them. I don't care. Do you?" She smiled warmly and shook her head. "Good." I gave a quick kiss and we continued to her locker. Alice and Angela walked behind us as we made it to Bella's first period and giggled as I gave Bella another kiss before I left.

Girls…

I couldn't sit still in class. I wanted to run to Bella and make sure she hadn't changed her mind, plus I fucking missed her. When I saw her walking to the lunch line, I ran up to her taking her hand in mine. I bought our lunch after she protested and whined and followed her to her table. I sat with her at the band geek table as it was raining outside. I groaned as everybody stared, but became a little at ease when Alice and Angela appeared. They sat with us and I almost fell out of my chair when Jasper sat next to Alice. I loved the guy, but he was someone who knew about the fucking bet and was fucking related to the blonde monster. Bella tensed up around my arm that was holding her against me.

"Hey dude," Jasper said with a friendly smile and turned to look at Bella. "Hello, Bella." Bella nervously smiled at him and I could feel my heart racing like a jackhammer and sweat on my forehead. But then Alice gave me a reassuring smile and winked at me. It made me relax.

Rosalie and the whore bags glared at us from their table and Emmett didn't even look my way the whole lunch period. James walked in and chuckled when he saw Bella and me and sat with some blonde, never looking at us again.

The lunch hour was spent on Jasper and Bella discussing rock bands and best lead singers. At the end, I was happy he was here. As lunch ended so did the rain and so did my nerves. Jasper surprised Bella with a goodbye hug and patted me on the back.

"I'm glad you're back, Ed."

"What the hell you talking about? I haven't missed school."

"No, I meant I'm happy you sent Doucheward back to hell where he belonged and brought the cool Edward back," he said and I rolled my eyes, but knew he was right. "I really like Bella, she's sweet and cool. You should keep her around."

"I'm fighting for that to happen."

"Good to know."

My class period before English ended and I panicked when I didn't find Bella at her locker. I looked around for her and was even late to English. I hoped she would be there, but she wasn't. Mrs. Morris started talking about _Hamlet_, but the empty seat in front of me made me nervous and worried sick to my stomach.

Surprisingly, Mrs. Morris gave me a pass to the nurse's office when I asked. She usually was a bitch and wouldn't give a shit if we didn't feel good. She told me to feel better and handed me the note to visit the nurse, but I wasn't headed that way. I was going to look for my Bella. I sent her a text, but she didn't answer and I desperately walked through the halls, craning my neck at every direction hoping to spot her brown hair.

"Hey fucktard!" Emmett's voice was too recognizable to pass.

"Hey jerkoff." I kept walking until he pulled my shoulder, shoving me against the lockers. I pushed him off and I could feel the anger in my chest and my fists were ready, but I had promised Bella no more violence. "Get the fuck away from me, dude."

"Not until you tell me what the fuck is going on?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Hell yeah you do!" I sighed annoyed as fuck. "Dude, you're my fucking brother."

"Not by blood."

"Who gives a shit about blood? We've been there for each other since we were kids. We always had each other's backs. You're my best fucking friend. But now you act like I'm an asshole and treat my girl like shit. She lost Alice's friendship and Jasper is giving her the silent treatment." I laughed darkly.

"Emmett, I'm only mean to your girl, because she's an evil bitch. You're the only one that doesn't notice. She pissed me off for talking shit about Bella. Your girlfriend from hell, can't leave her alone. How can you love someone that would plan a sick joke like that?"

"You're the one that agreed to the fucking bet! You're just as fucking evil."

"I know. I am, but I'm going to make it up to Bella for the rest of my life."

"Dude?" Emmett looked at me confused as hell. "I don't get it. Is that why you're acting like you actually give a shit about her?"

"I fucking love her Emmett," I sighed. "I love her and I will not let anybody hurt her. Not you, not the whores that follow Rosalie around and especially not Rosalie." Emmett and I stood in silence for a few minutes.

"So it's real? The whole meet the parents and playing fucking piano as if you were in a girly movie, was that real?"

"Very." I laughed.

"Wow, I never thought you had it in you bro." He shook his head in disbelief.

"Yeah, well me neither. But sometimes, you find someone that's worth more to you than your own life. It slaps you in the face and kicks you in the nuts and makes you man up. I'm going to man up." Emmett smiled and patted my shoulder.

"I'm happy for you bro."

"Thanks Em," I sighed. "Tell Rosalie and Jasper to come over tonight. I have to talk to them. I have to stop Rosalie and explain." He just nodded and agreement and I started walking away from him.

"Dude, wait." He ran to my side. "What are you doing?"

"Looking for Bella."

"I'll help you." I really loved Emmett sometimes. We finally gave up on the inside of the school and walked out the building. We walked halfway around the school and I started to panic when I couldn't find her. "Dude calm down, maybe she just went home."

"She would've told me and she doesn't have a ride."

"Oh, well let's keep looking." I was about to send her the twentieth text message today when the noise of a spray bottle caught my ear. I ran to the noise and when I got past some bushes, I spotted her pale hands and brown hair.

"Bella!" I shouted causing her to jump, but she quickly relaxed as she saw it was me. I don't know if Emmett followed me, but all I cared was to get to Bella. She dropped the bottle of liquid she held and the rag and waited for me to wrap her in my arms. "I was so fucking worried," I said in between kisses. "Where did you go?"

"I wanted to tell you, but the assistant principal took me right out of class," she said out of breath. I smiled in relief and kissed her again, but she quickly pushed me away when Emmett finally caught up.

I ignored him. "What are you doing, baby?" I asked looking at the bottle and dirty rag on the ground. She laughed and picked them up.

"You remember the time you and your friends got caught smoking weed?" All my happiness faded and I nervously nodded. "You remember how everybody thought it was me who told on you?" I gulped and quickly glanced at Emmett who looked too intrigued with what she was saying. "Well, I didn't tell on you. I was actually pulled out here by Mrs. Walton. She wanted me to clean my drawing off from the wall, but instead smelled your stuff. She finally remembered to make me clean it and pulled me out of class today," Bella laughed as she pointed to the wall behind me.

I slowly turned and spotted the drawing of a little girl sitting on a big hand, her arms and legs wrapped in vines. It was the same drawing Jasper and I had seen that same day. I gulped and my knees felt weak and my stomach turned upside down. With trembling fingers I traced the little girl's hair. The Sharpie marker was too strong and Bella had only managed to smudge it a little and so the sad little girl still lived on the wall.

I turned to look at Emmett who was staring at the drawing with wide eyes and an opened mouth. "Edward, you okay?" She asked and I nervously smiled at her.

"Yeah, I'm fine." I kissed her lips one more time, hoping she hadn't notice my shaking. I hope she didn't hear my heart pounding against my chest. I hoped she would hear how much I wished she could forgive me.

I dropped Bella off at her house and promised to pick her up from work and drove in silence to my house. I slowly made it up the stairs and into my room feeling like every step I took was the heaviest I had ever taken. I sat on my bed staring out the window, wondering how the hell I was going to do this. I don't want to lose her. I finally had her. My love. My life. I felt it running through my hands like water and I panicked. I hyperventilated and cursed at the heavy emptiness in my room.

I fell on my knees and buried my face into my arms while resting them on my bed. I let out an ugly sob.

"Please God, don't let it happen. Help me keep her. Make me worthy of her forgiveness. I don't wanna lose her. Please help me. Please!" I begged and the tears soaked my bed sheets and the sobs escaping my chest echoed in my room. I ignored the opening of my door and the heavy movement on the bed from the body that sat beside me. "Please," I cried and the person patted my back.

"You have to tell her dude," Emmett said sadly. I looked up at him with a watery vision, but I could still see his honest remorse in his face.

"I know."

**Take a deep breath my lovelies. It's not as bad as it looks. Trust me on this. So what do we think Rosalie will say to our dear Ed? **

**Hope everybody who celebrates Halloween had a good time. And for you who don't, I pass to you imaginary candy : ) All I can say is that I looked ridiculous in my outfit and have a sugar rush that will last me all week.**

**Please let me know what you think of this chap or anything else and I shall love you forever.**

**Adios and TTYL**

**P.S Don't you just love some lovey dovey Edward and Bella?**


	26. Some Sort of Crazy

**Soo…it's been a while. I'm ashamed, but I hope you can forgive me. I went through college finals and a new computer and I ended up updating very late. :( I'm sorry my lovelies, but here is Bella.**

**Thanks you edwardrocksmysocks. We've already discussed how much I love thee.**

**Title of chapter is from Blue October's song **_**Sound of Pulling Heaven Down**_**, a song about the end of the world and love. Strangely enough it may have the most romantic lyrics of all time. **

_Ch26/Bella/Some Sort of Crazy_

I kept glancing at the clock that hung on the Newton's wall while I swept the floors. I smiled to myself. I had really been glancing at that damn clock since I got to work. I couldn't help it. I just wanted to get out of here and see him again.

See Edward.

I would think about him every second possible. Sometimes, when my mind would wander off to help customers or to think about homework, something would always remind me of him and a strange wave of joy would take over me.

Since the moment I told Edward that I would be his girlfriend, I felt self conscious about everything about myself. I felt nervous the moment I woke up the next morning, but when Edward greeted me at my door, I mentally punished myself for worrying. I looked at the warm smiles he gave me and felt his light caresses on my arms and cheeks and questioned how something like this could ever harm me. It made me feel wonderful. I had never felt 'wonderful.' It used to be inexistent in my personal vocabulary. But now, as cheesy as it sounds, Edward was everything wonderful in my life.

The energy his hand gave mine while he held it and the way he stood and walked protectively beside me, assured me that this was a good thing. For the first time in a long time, I could say I was happy. I pushed away my negative thoughts and glared at my nerves. I deserved to be happy.

He made me happy.

The clock finally marked my freedom and I rushed to punch out. I waved goodbye to Mike and Mr. Newton who both smiled and waved back. They were both really nice. Mr. Newton was a strict man, but had a good heart. He loved Mike and I sort of envied him for having a dad that cared. Of course Mike whined and protested Mr. Newton's lectures, but he didn't know how fortunate he was. He didn't have someone who put him down. He had a father who loved him. I would never have that.

I grabbed my sweater and hoped Edward would be waiting outside. I didn't think I could handle it anymore. I was becoming a little needy and I didn't like it, but having something good when life has giving you nothing but bad, makes you desperate to protect the good found.

As the shop's sliding doors opened, the cold breeze of the night said its hello, but I couldn't care less. Edward smiled at me as he got out of his car and rushed to me with a jacket in his hands. I couldn't help but roll my eyes at him, but to contradict, the warm feeling in my chest made me smile.

"Baby its cold," he stated and I sighed at the hint of worry in his voice. He gave me a quick kiss on the lips making my poor heart race and wrapped the jacket around me. It was obviously his as it smelled like him and was much too big for me, but I quickly pulled it tight. "Long night?" He asked and I nodded. "Poor booboo," he teased and I gave him a playful shove while he chuckled.

"I just really couldn't wait to see you again," I admitted while my stupid blush caused him to chuckle a little harder. He pulled me to his chest and I sighed in comfort, feeling his arms encircling my waist.

Being like this with Edward could never get old. It could never be wrong. It felt so right.

"I couldn't wait to see you again either, love." He kissed the top of my head as I snuggled into his chest. His arms held me close while I took in his warmth. It would be so easy to get lost with him. It would be so easy to give him my heart…to give him everything.

When I had moved forward with my decision and kissed Edward, I feared what that may bring. Yet in these few days, I've been so happy that I felt silly for having any fear. I knew this was what I wanted and even what I had needed.

I needed Edward.

I pulled my head back and found a sad Edward. I traced his jaw and his cheek bones with my finger tips and softly kissed his lips.

"What's wrong?" He smiled sadly at me and shook his head.

"I'm just tired," he lied while lovingly caressing my cheek with the back of his fingers. "I really missed you. Quit your job and live with us. I could take care of you. _I'll assemble all the sand that covers wedding beaches so your mom will have a place to stay._" I giggled as he purposely sang the last part.

"You're crazy and stop stealing Blue October's lyrics." He chuckled.

"But I love that song. It could be our song," he sighed. "And I am crazy and just a little clingy. I wanna have you by my side all the time."

"Creep."

"And a weirdo," he assured me and leaned in for a kiss.

"I like you creep," I said as I closed in the distance and pressed my lips to his. I can't pretend that I know what I'm doing, but when my lips meet Edward's, I let the feeling I get in my heart take over and find myself out of breath and light headed in a matter of seconds.

I love it.

"I like that you like me," he whispered against my lips. He smirked and I was about to say how much I did 'like' him, when he kissed me again. He ran his tongue across my lower lip and I tensed up. It was always a shock as it seemed like we were going too far, but I opened my mouth to let him in and I remembered why I really liked it the first time Edward kissed me this way.

It was amazing.

The way our tongues slowly danced and the sounds coming from him and myself drove me crazy and hungry for more. It was as if I couldn't get enough of him. I buried my fingers in his hair and pulled him deeper into our kiss. He groaned and his hands pulled me closer to his body. "Shit Bella, it's like I can't get enough. I never thought it could be like this," he exhaled heavily after another few seconds of our kiss.

"Don't say tacky things and kiss me again," I teased causing him to chuckle, but I quickly silenced him with my lips. I parted my lips already knowing what I wanted and our tongues began to dance again. His hands wandered down to my waist as he deepened the kiss causing an unfamiliar feeling in my tummy and a wave of heat in my face that spread through the rest of my body. It burned…in a good way. He suddenly pulled away just as the feeling had reached an odd, odd place.

"I'm sorry, love," Edward panted as I tried to catch my breath. I rested my forehead against his chest while holding on to his sweater for dear life. I could not seem to calm down. It felt like I was on a sort of high and the feelings running through my body shocked the hell out of me.

_What the hell was that?_

_Was I…turned on?_

_Holy crap…_

I panicked and pulled completely away from Edward, but he took my hand ignoring my attempt to get away from him before it was too late.

"Baby, it's okay. It's my fault," he muttered.

"No, you didn't exactly force yourself on me." He chuckled while he was still trying to normalize his breathing. He gave me one last chaste kiss on the lips and led me to the passenger door.

"I think it'll be safer if I take you home," he sighed.

The ride home was filled with Van Morrison's singing about a brown eyed girl and Edward's silence. I was beginning to worry.

"Is it something I've done?" I blurted out and Edward quickly looked at me with confusion.

"I don't get it."

"You look worried, Edward. We've promised to be honest with each other and something is clearly bothering you." He sighed and looked at the road ahead of us.

"Don't worry about me, love. Nothing is wrong. Nothing can be wrong with you by my side," he confessed with a deep sigh and took my hand in his kissing it. "You could never do something to bring me down. It's impossible when you've taken me so high up." I giggled and leaned over to kiss his cheek.

"We have a poet in the car," I teased and he rolled his eyes.

"I'm being honest. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me Bella. I just hope you can say the same about me some day." He was putting himself down again and I hated it. Edward didn't see himself clearly. He didn't see what I saw and what I saw was beautiful. I wanted to say something back, but nothing came out of my mouth. My damn nerves were acting up again. I was afraid to confess too much.

To confess what I was really feeling for him. I was afraid it was too early for that.

"You wanna come in?" I asked as he walked me to my door.

"But Renee-"

"She's at work and won't be home for hours."

"It's late and we have school tomorrow."

"How old are you Edward? 109?"

"Shut up and open the door, geez." I giggled as he huffed and wrapped his arms around my waist. He placed soft a kiss on the back of my neck making me tremble.

"Stop or we'll never get through the door," I gasped as I finally managed to turn my key to lead us in the house. He was about to sit on my couch when he caught me going up the stairs.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm gonna take a quick shower. You can wait here," I said with an assuring smile, trying my best to make it obvious that I wanted him to stay. He smiled and sat on my couch.

I jumped into the shower and scrubbed and washed faster than I ever had. I didn't want to waste the little time I had with Edward. I got dressed and when I opened the door that lead into my room, a cold chill ran through. I gasped and jumped as I caught a dark figure sitting on my bed in my dark room. I didn't expect him. My heart started to race and my shaking returned. Edward stood up and rushed to me, but it was too late. My body and mind were too damn scared. I took deep breaths to calm myself down, but it wasn't working. The right side of my body shook and I squeezed my eyes shut, hoping to make it go away and bit on my bottom lip. I whimpered as the shaking was becoming too painful to control.

"Shit baby, I'm so sorry. It's just me." I heard him but my mind wouldn't pull me back to him. I knew it was just him, but my body's natural reaction took over. I grabbed on to him for support and slowly managed to rest my face against his chest. Another violent wave of shaking ran through me and Edward held me tight against his chest.

"Bella, I'm so sorry." I could hear the hurt in his voice and I hated myself for not being normal. Why did I have to freak out? "Please, I just…please…God I'm such an idiot. Baby, don't go. Stay with me. Don't go to that place. It's just me and you in our world, I promise. I'll keep you safe." He placed a few chaste kisses on my face, but I didn't feel anything.

I gasped for air and I prayed for it to go away. I didn't even feel when Edward pulled me to my bed and held me into his lap.

"It's okay, love. You're safe." He kissed my temple as he rocked me in his arms while rubbing my back. I took one more deep breath and whimpered as it hurt my lungs.

"Wha-wha-what's wro-wrong wi-with me Edward?" I managed to cry into his chest. "I thought it had gone away. I thought I was normal again. I thought I was okay. But I'm crazy," I sobbed into his chest and he kissed my temple again trying to comfort me.

"You _are_ okay, baby and you're not crazy. You're just a little scared and defensive. It's normal after all the shit you've been through. There's nothing wrong with you," he sighed in pain and I pulled my head back to look at him.

"I'm so sorry," I choked on my stupid tears. He furrowed his eyebrows and gently wiped tears away from my cheeks with his long fingers.

"What are you sorry for?" He asked confused.

"I'm sorry I can't be a normal girlfriend." He sighed and pulled me into his chest again.

"Love, don't do that. Don't make it seem like it's your fault. I've already told you. You're everything to me. What just happened was just a misunderstanding. I'm an idiot, but I thought we have already agreed on that."

"I'm still a total fail at this girlfriend thing. I don't know what you were thinking," I cried again, sniffing away.

"Bella, nobody is perfect at this relationship stuff, but all that matters is that you want me and I want you. You let me stick around. You're already the best girlfriend."

"How would you know? I thought you said you've never had a girlfriend."

"Smartass," he muttered causing me to smile through my tears. "Seriously love, don't feel bad. I should've said something to let you know I was here. I'm the one who should feel like shit. I do actually."

"But you've sneaked into my room many times. I don't know why I got so bad this time." I was being honest. It was probably one of the worst panic attacks I've gotten. It hadn't lasted as long as other times, but I truly feared the pain that overwhelmed me.

"Have you ever…you know…please don't hate me. I'm not calling you crazy or anything, but sometimes talking to someone can help," he said nervously. I sat up and moved to sit next to him on the bed. I wrapped an arm around his and rested my head on his shoulder.

"You mean like a shrink?"

"Um, I mean it could be anybody that is mentally capable of giving you advice. You've been through some tough things and maybe that person could tell you how you can handle it. Someone mature enough could help. Not your asshole boyfriend. God knows how much my shrink hated me."

"You've talked to one?" I couldn't believe I didn't know this.

"Yeah, but that was years ago. I wish I would have talked to him. I might have avoided all the shit I've done." I didn't respond. It kinda' hurt that I didn't know this. "Maybe you just need to tell someone. It could make you feel better."

"Well, I could never afford that kind of stuff."

"I could get Carlisle to find someone."

"Edward, I don't want your dad to know I have issues. Besides, I don't think I would feel comfortable telling someone my stuff. Not yet," I confessed and felt his arms wrap around me.

"Whenever you're ready, love," he whispered against my forehead before kissing me gently there.

"What else is there about you?" I asked and he didn't answer. "I mean, you don't have to tell me. I just wanna know you more. I've told you that I want to know everything about you. Tell me about your past. I want to know how you were as a kid and I want to know the silly and even the bad." I heard him take a deep breath.

"I'm not ready either," he whispered.

"Okay," I simply agreed.

"Bella?"

"Yeah?" He slightly pulled me back so I could look at him.

"If I told you some stuff about me that was fucked up and that made you cringe or gasp, would you still want me around?" He asked and even in my dark room I could see his pained eyes. "I would understand if you didn't, but I swear that asshole I used to be, died. That wasn't who I really am. That asshole that made fun of you or laughed when Tanya and her stupid friends made fun of you is gone and he'll never come back. I swear," he breathed out and took my hand and placed it against his heart. "Please forgive me, love." The raw honesty in his voice made me soft and I couldn't even remember what had happened in the past. Without hesitation, I quickly pressed my lips against his. It wasn't as passionate as our last few kisses, but I wanted to show him that I didn't care about his past. I couldn't even remember what I had to forgive him for.

"I told you that the past is the past and I don't care about it. I just wanna know more about you. I know some of it isn't pretty, but like you said, it wasn't you. This is you and I don't want you to leave. I promise to place the real you first when you finally tell me. I just wanna know."

"I just don't want to lose you," he whispered. "I couldn't fucking stand it."

"You aren't going to lose me. I'm already yours," I whispered against his lips and, with both of his hands, he brought my face to his making our lips meet yet again. We kissed until it was impossible to go on without a breath and my face ended up on his chest while I tried to control my breathing. This running out of breath deal had to cause some brain damage. Somehow I don't think I cared at this point.

"Do you want me to go?" He asked and my hold around him tightened.

"No, can you stay?"

"I can send a few messages to Alice and I'm covered."

"Well, I hope my pillows are comfortable enough for you."

"Hell yes," he chuckled. He sighed and wrapped his arms around me a little tighter. "Bella?" he asked after a few minutes of silence.

"Hmm."

"You asleep?"

"Yes, I'm just talking in my sleep."

"God, I love smartass Bella." I giggled into his chest.

"What?"

"Somewhere, far away from here I saw stars, stars that I could reach.  
It was a midnight; a silent twilight fell down, beyond the ocean beach," he said seriously but it took me a few seconds before I realized it was the same Blue October song from earlier and I couldn't help but giggle.

"I'm going to send Justin a strongly worded letter and let him know that you are stealing his lyrics to impress me." He chuckled loudly, the vibrations in his chest ticking my ear.

"I'm just saying we should make that our song."

"What are we? In 1980's romantic comedy? Cheese anyone?"

"Bella, don't hate my cheese. It hurts. Besides we need a song! I want a song Bella!"

"Fine you cry baby_, Sound of Pulling Heaven Down_ is our song!" I sighed loudly with fake annoyance.

"Hell yes! My girl and I have a song," he cheered and I laughed at his enthusiasm.

"You're silly," I yawned.

"Uh huh. Bella?"

"Yes Edward?"

"I'm reaching farther than I ever have before. Leaving all who broke your heart upon the shore  
I may be some sort of crazy. We may be some sort of crazy. But I swear on everything I have and more," he lowly sang and I could hear the smile in his voice.

I hummed the rest of the song with him until I fell asleep.

Though Edward spent the night in my room the rest of the week, the rest of the school days were…strange.

On Tuesday, Edward and I got away from the stares and comments and sat outside for lunch. But the rest of the week was rain and more rain in Forks so we had to endure hell in the cafeteria. It wasn't like lunch was the only time we were glared at or talked about. On Wednesday, Tanya, with tears in her eyes, went to me and threatened me if I didn't let Edward go. Luckily I didn't freak as just after she had went up to me, Alice and Angela stepped in front of her and threatened to kick her ass. It was overwhelming to have people stand up for you. I made it a goal to let Alice and Angela in a little more.

On Thursday, I received an angry-well not that angry-call from Jacob. He protested that I never hung out with him anymore. I gave him a lame excuse about homework and work, and quickly felt guilty about not telling him about Edward. I promised to hang out with Jake on Friday and when I told Edward, all I got was a "shit" and a heavy sigh. He didn't look too happy, but I could tell he was holding his irritation back. He failed horribly, but I thanked him for trying.

On Friday, I spotted Rosalie in the hall in the arms of Tanya while she uncontrollably sobbed. She looked like a mess with mascara running down her cheeks and shadows under her eyes. I could feel bad for her, but I didn't. I wondered what had her so upset, but before I could think anything else, she caught me staring. She violently pulled away from Tanya and started walking towards me. The determined anger overpowering her stare made me jump. Before she could do or say anything, Edward appeared, wrapped an arm around me and walked me to my next class. I heard Rosalie spit some profanities at Edward and me, but I didn't really understand why.

At lunch Rosalie sat with Tanya and the rest of the whore gang, but no Emmett. When I asked Edward where he was, he just sighed and said something about him being sick.

Clearly something was up. But I didn't push it.

"I can't believe you're going to spend Friday night in La Push," Edward sighed as he drove me home.

"Edward, don't give me this. You know how much Jacob and I love each other as siblings. Besides I haven't seen him in ages and we are just gonna have dinner with his dad. You could hang around with Jasper and Emmett. Just the other day you were telling me how you guys haven't had any guy time."

"I guess," he mumbled as he parked in my driveway.

"He should be here any second."

"I know," he sighed and turned his car off. "Bella, I need to talk to you." I took a deep breath.

"Don't talk like that." He chuckled.

"I was just gonna ask you out on another date. Let me take you out tomorrow."

"Hmm okay?"

"Okay? That's it?"

"Oh god, yes my lovely boyfriend."

"That's better," he teased. He kissed my hand and leaned forward to kiss my lips which I gladly let him. "I'll miss you," he whispered and kissed me again. The sound of an engine broke us apart. He sighed loudly, jumped out of the car and quickly walked over to open my door.

He took my hand and led me to Jacob's car with a smug look on his face. I knew Jake had to know, but I didn't think it had to be this way. Edward walked with a little attitude in his step and as Jacob got out of his car, Edward pulled me in to kiss me, but I pulled away.

"Don't do this, Edward!" I angrily whispered.

"Do what?"

"Try and show me off and prove a point to Jake. You're acting like an ass-"

"I'm sorry, love." He quickly let go of my hand. "I guess I can be a little…um uh…"

"You don't have to be jealous."

"I'm not!"

"Right…" I sighed as he chuckled. He gave me a quick kiss just as Jake walked up to us.

"Um, hey Bells…" Jake said confused and I nervously smiled at him.

"Jake, you remember Edward?"

"Sure, sure how could I forget?" Jake just glared at Edward who was glaring back at him. I gave Edward a goodbye kiss on the cheek, but he was too busy silently warning Jake off. I sighed loudly and walked over to the passenger side.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Edward," I said and he just nodded while Jake walked over to driver's side.

"Yes Ed, have a great night!" Jake shouted as he shoved himself into his tiny car. "What?" I rolled my eyes and didn't say anything as he put the car in drive. "Sooo making out with Edward now?"

"Jake, you always know how to start a conversation," I groaned.

"Hey, you brought this on yourself. You didn't tell your best friend about being that emo's girlfriend-"

"Edward is not emo," I cut him off. "And yes Jake, I'm his girlfriend. There, best friend can now shut up." I didn't think Jake would take it seriously, but he didn't say another word for the rest of the drive to La Push and instead let the radio fill the silence.

"You're really his girlfriend?" I had almost forgotten I had told him, but Jake sounded so serious when we got to his house.

"Yes, does that bother you?"

"Uh…I um we'll talk about this later," he said as he stared at his house. I noticed a pickup truck I had not seen before. "I sorta' invited a girl for dinner. I know it was supposed to be you and me, but um uh she uh…um uh…"

"Jake just spit it out!"

"She's become sort of important to me and wants to well…officially meet my best friend."

"Wow Jake, I can't say that I expected this. I'm happy that you now have someone 'sorta important.' So how did it happen?" I was all smiles. I was truly happy for Jacob. He finally had a girl and it seemed to make him happy.

"It's really all your fault," he said and with that jumped out of the car.

"What?"

"You'll see," he sighed as he led me to his house.

As he opened the door to his house, I was assaulted by the smell of tomato sauce and boiling pasta.

Billy's spaghetti.

I smiled as the old memories of the few good times of my childhood rushed into my mind. Jake took my hand and stopped me before I could reach the kitchen.

"Just don't question anything in front of her or ask questions about her personal life, 'kay?"

"Sure Jake, you know I'm not like that." He was really starting to freak me out. Who was the mystery girl?

Jake finally led me into the kitchen where my eyes fell on the girl I definitely didn't expect.

Leah Clearwater.

"Bella!" Billy cheered as he rolled his wheelchair toward me. I gave him a hug while I stared at Leah, who nervously fiddled with the hem of her shirt.

"Hey Leah," I said. She shyly smiled at me and just nodded. Jacob quickly asked us to sit down, I guess trying to avoid the awkwardness.

We ate our bowls of spaghetti while Jake and Billy told us stories of their trips around the country and how the reservations in New Mexico and Arizona are so different. I laughed as usual at Jake's humor while Leah smiled at most. She wasn't the same girl I used to hang out when I was younger. She was no longer a jokester like Jake and a little spark was missing from her black irises. She didn't say anything and avoided looking up. She only looked at Jake.

Well so much for bonding with Jacob's girlfriend.

Leah said goodnight to everyone while she grabbed her coat. She hugged Billy and surprised me when she did the same with me.

"It was nice seeing you again Bella. Jake and I missed you all these years. I'm sorry if I seem like a different chick, but I'm still that girl that kicked Paul's ass when he pushed you into the puddle of mud when we were eight," she said and I couldn't help but giggle.

"Thank you for that by the way," I could hear the honest smile in my voice while she just nodded.

"Anytime."

Jake drove me back home with a soft smile on his face.

"So it's my fault?" I asked and he just nodded. "Leah is sweet, but why may I ask. The last time I saw you, it was nothing but dislike for her." He took a deep breath.

"You told me she might need someone. Well, I decided to be that someone and I kinda' really do like her. I think I always did. I just realized it now. I'm glad I did. She really needed someone to be there for her."

"What happened to her?"

"Not my story to tell. I'm sorry Bella."

"That's fine. Just be nice to her or I'll push you into a puddle of mud." He chuckled.

"I'll be on my best behavior."

We finally got to my house and we sat in his car for a few minutes, just hanging out while music played lightly in his car.

"So Edward Cullen huh?"

"Yes, Edward Cullen." He huffed and shifted in his seat. I could tell he was uncomfortable. "Is there something wrong Jake? You're really starting to get on my nerves."

"Bells, you know I love you like a sister! I feel like a protective older brother with you and I can't help it."

"Jake I'm older than you."

"That's not the point and you know it."

"Fine," I sighed.

"Ever since we've known each other I've tried my best to protect you and I might have failed once, but I won't let it happen again."

"What are you talking about?" Jacob was really starting to worry me. I could tell he wanted to tell me something, but he wasn't sure if he should. "Just tell me, Jake."

"Promise me you won't hate me."

"What? I could never. Just tell me." He took a deep breath and turned his body to face me.

"You remember when I said I thought I recognized Edward from somewhere, but couldn't put a finger on it?"

"Yes," I whispered almost too afraid to hear the rest.

"Well I told Leah that I didn't like a guy who was clearly after you. She asked me why and I told her about how he gives me a bad vibe. Then I told her that I've seen him before but couldn't remember from where. But she knew right after I said his name and it all came back to me. I remember now," he said worriedly.

"Just say it. Please Jake…" He gulped and cleared his throat.

"Remember when I came to visit for a week when I was thirteen?"

"Yeah."

"You remember how I said I couldn't hang out with Paul anymore?"

"Yeah."

"Well my dad didn't want me hanging around him anymore, because he got caught with weed and cocaine. Paul was just being stupid and has been clean since then. His dad kicked his ass for it, but that's not what my concern is."

"Then what is it?"

"I know where he got that stuff from. We went to this party. It was an ugly sight. People were getting shit faced. Paul and Seth, Leah's younger brother, knew this guy from Forks who could get them cheap weed and coke. I went with them to meet this guy and I thought it was going to be some middle aged loser who failed at life so wanted to ruin kids, but hell no. It was some teenager, just like us selling the stuff and making out with a girl while looking pretty doped up himself. He looked like fucking hell."

"Jake?" I asked nervously. I really didn't want to hear who this guy was. Call me stupid, but I didn't wanna hear it.

"It was Edward, Bells. It was him. That's where I remember him from." I didn't say anything. I had expected an ugly story from Edward, but obviously I wasn't prepared to hear it from Jake or for it to be this bad. "Bells, I'm sorry to tell you. I mean I didn't want to 'cus I didn't think it was any of my business what that asshole did or does, but when it has to do with you, I'm going to let you know everything so you can watch your back."

I don't know if I was breathing. I could feel my heart beating in my throat. I don't know why it affected me so much. Maybe knowing the boy I devote my heart to has done some nasty and bad things worries me. But I truly felt lied to. It was as if I didn't really know him.

Suddenly Edward's voice played in my head. His words, his pleas, all promising that the real Edward was the one I knew and not the one before he and I…not the one that teased me, not the one that made out with Tanya and not the one that sold drugs to Paul. That wasn't him. I felt horrible. My thoughts were betraying him. I had promised I would understand and not judge his past, but here I was angry because…

"Bella? You okay?" Jacob asked worried and I just shook my head.

"It doesn't matter," I whispered.

"What?"

"It doesn't matter what he did." Jacob looked at me as if he didn't know me. He shook his head and slapped his steering wheel.

"What the hell, Bells? That asshole is a criminal!"

"He was just a stupid kid."

"Bella, I was a stupid kid," he spat angrily. "I've stolen silly shit, lied and gotten into a fight or two, because I _was_ a stupid kid. Edward…" he huffed. "Edward is another story. He's an evil asshole and a piece of trash who doesn't deserve you."

"You don't even know him!" I spat. I couldn't believe I was actually shouting at my best friend.

"And you fucking do? Don't bullshit me Bella. He's a loser…"

"Don't talk about him like that!" I could feel my beating heart pounding against my chest. I didn't understand why Jacob's assumptions about Edward, angered me so much. "I already told you that you don't know him. You don't know him like I do. He isn't that guy anymore. So stop this Jake."

"I can't when you're being so stubborn!"

"I'm being real. You're insulting me by insulting him."

"How's that?"

"You're assuming I'm stupid enough to fall for a bad guy! You're also insulting the person I love." It left my mouth before I had even decided it.

I loved Edward.

I love him. I'm in love with him! It hit me in that moment. Why else would I ignore all his faults and his past mistakes? If he was willing to accept me with my own defects, I accepted him. I accepted who he had been in the past and who he was now, because I loved him. The reason I needed him so much finally came to me.

I fell in love with the boy that gave me my first Happy Meal, bought me a cell phone in case of emergencies, iced my bruises, wiped away my tears, stayed with me because he was afraid of leaving me alone, reported my father to the authorities and most importantly, the boy who became my comfort.

"I love him," I whispered, really to myself. I fought the tears, but it was no use. "I love him Jake and if you can't accept that, then you're hurting me." He sighed loudly and shook his head.

"You're some sort of crazy! Well congratulations. Don't let me get in the way. Just know that I'll still be your friend even after he's proves me right by doing something stupid." I didn't answer him and instead exited his car slamming the door behind me.

I didn't sleep.

Well I can't remember the last time I had a good night's sleep, but usually I didn't sleep due to fear or my stupid paranoia. But this time, I didn't sleep because of love?

Fucking love?

I found myself rolling around in bed, trying to understand what the hell this really implicated. Then I realized I ended up thinking about him and missing him and I felt like slapping myself. I couldn't believe this had happened to me. Love? Then I spent the rest of the night smiling and squealing into my pillow like a little girl. Every now and then, I worried about Jake and hoped he didn't hate me, but he would get over it.

But then the things he said to me…

Did Edward really do those things? What does that even mean to the Edward I know now? I felt that I should've known these things. I loved someone I didn't fully know who had a fucked up past life. I couldn't just let it be. Though, I knew those things didn't change my feelings for him, they still unsettled me. I knew I wasn't making any sense, but I couldn't control my stupid thoughts.

I woke up after about three hours of sleep and groaned at the pain in my neck. Mom made breakfast before work and promised me dinner. Mom was acting a little happier and I couldn't help but wonder if she was seeing Phil later.

Work was long. Mike was in a bad mood and didn't talk to anybody, which made it even longer and I couldn't wait for it to be over. Edward had agreed to pick me up the day before, but my epiphany of love made me feel too nervous to even look at him in the face.

"Hey," he greeted me as I walked to him; more like ran to into his arms. Suddenly my nerves disappeared and the only thing that mattered was that he was here. One smile from him and one word from his soulful voice, made me lose all fear. He chuckled as I grabbed onto his shirt for dear life and buried my face into his neck. He sounded and smelled so heavenly. Jake had to be wrong. Edward is the farthest thing from evil. He is heavenly. He is my heaven. "I fucking missed you love. You missed me? Did that dog treat you well?" I groaned and pulled away. "He pissed you off, didn't he? I'm gonna…"

"Edward, just get me out of here. Take me anywhere with you." He kissed me tenderly and smiled against my lips. The green of his eyes making me sigh as they stared into mine. I smiled, finally recognizing the feeling in my chest.

"_The world is ending there's a party by the bay. I'll wear my suit and tie, we're eye to eye,  
toasting to the way you put that smile upon my face...yeah. Fill up the air balloon and ride with me_," he softly sung to me and placed a few more kisses on lips as he caressed my cheeks with his thumbs.

"You should take me on an air balloon ride over Forks when the world ends." He chuckled and nodded in agreement. "I love our song," I whispered while I deepened our last kiss before finally leaving Newton's.

Yes I loved that our song was about going on a romantic air balloon ride and talking about how we'll spend every last moment in love while the world ends and not caring that it's ending. It doesn't matter that the world is ending when you're so content, blissful, at peace and in love. Who cares what happened? We had each other until the end.

Call me crazy, but…

I love that so much.

And I loved him.

**So…..**

**I promise things aren't as bad as they seem. These two have already been through a lot of shiz…**

**The song in chapter once again (in case you skipped first A/N) is**_** Sound of Pulling Heaven Down **_**by Blue October, who rocks my world. I just realized SM used this song in a playlist for the books. Smart woman that one…**

**Anyway, check that out and also chapters 6 and 7 have been revised by the awesome lizde, so if you're interested.**

**Until next time my loves….**

**P.S School is over for a few weeks so expect more updates. Yey…**


	27. The Reason

**Hello my peepz! Well I hope everybody has an amazing 2011. I know mine will more of the same lol. **

**Here is Ed and oh…I can't wait to see what you think of this chap….Thanks to my beta edwardrocksmysocks. Really girly, I don't know how you put up with my unwillingness to organize myself lol**

**Someone recommended this song for this story while I was writing this chapter and it freaked me out. I have awesome stalker readers lol**

**It's The Reason by Hoobastank. Yeah, kinda obvious for an Edward song choice.**

_Ch 27/Edward/The Reason_

It had been a shit week.

It had also been an amazing one.

My thoughts don't make any sense anymore, but I'm starting to think they never did.

Being around Bella is easy. It's comforting. When I'm with her, everything else doesn't matter and it's just easier to breathe. Maybe that's why I forget about shit like a fucking bet I made consisting of me taking her virginity because at the time I was a fucking asshole.

Maybe I'm just chicken shit.

Every attempt to come forth with the truth made the fear of losing her become heavier and I found myself buried under its force, suffocating with no hope of survival. Dramatic much? I guess, but I know what it feels to be without Bella and it's not something I wanna rush into.

Thursday night didn't help matters. Jasper and Emmett had finally managed to get Rosalie to come over to my house to talk. She knew what I was going to ask her, so she avoided me like a fucking disease all week. It wasn't like it was going to change anything. I was still not going through with her fucked up bet. I had known that since I first spoke to Bella with honesty in my questions and with all bullshit aside. I had known for weeks. It was evident, but to Rosalie, it was still some fucked up responsibility I had.

"So you're basically a pussy?" She asked as we sat in my living room.

"Rosalie, I might be a pussy and everything else you want me to be, but I'm not going through with the bet."

"You just can't fuck her and wanna quit. Really? Isabella isn't that ugly. I thought you would've fucked her by now." I stood up and before I could storm to her, Emmett grabbed me by the shoulder and sat back down.

"Calm down bro," he said quietly and turned to look at the witch he called a girlfriend. "Babe, its not just Ed who wants out. We all support him. Besides the bet was kinda fucked up to begin with."

"Yeah," Jasper pointed out. "We all just agreed because we were really pissed, but thinking more about it, Bella doesn't deserve any more bad shit. Just let it be sis."

"How can you guys say this now?" Rosalie spat and stood up. She was outnumbered and being countered by her own brother and boyfriend. Alice had never been on her corner so she was on 'Team let's not fuck with Bella anymore, because she doesn't deserve it and dickhead Edward loves her' since day one so Rosalie had no back up.

She had lost.

"She fucking told on us!"

"No, she fucking didn't!" I huffed. I had lost count of how many times I had repeated the fucking story this night. "Emmett and I already told you how we found out about her innocence. Why can't you let it go?"

"Because I fucking hate her." Rosalie couldn't be blunter if she tried. She sighed and ran her hands through her blonde hair hoping for some reasonable explanation to land in her mouth to convince us.

"She deserves this and if you can't get your dick up, I'll find someone else to do it." The evilness in her voice caused me to gasp like a fucking pussy, but the anger I felt towards her was more than I could handle.

"You fucking bitch!" Before I knew it, Emmett was holding me back with his huge arms. "If you touch her, hurt or get anybody else to harm her I will fucking…"

"Hit me? Cullen, you're a fucking loser. But now I'm convinced you're a fucking pig. You would hit me over that bitch? You're pussy whipped too. I'm sorry it had to be her. You know what is going to get her? Knowing why you're really with her." She laughed darkly as she grabbed her purse. "I think I did find the way of destroying of her."

"Rosalie, please don't tell her." I panicked but she didn't give a shit.

She laughed again and suddenly Emmett let go of me.

"What the hell babe? Why are you acting like this?" I felt bad for Emmett. He was slowly realizing what evil lived inside his girlfriend's heart. "Bella didn't do anything. She's only helped out. You know Ed's been acting better and it's thanks to her. Edward wants you to leave her alone, but you act like you enjoy making her life hell. This shit ain't right and you know it."

"Oh calm down Em and take me home. I don't think I can put up with Edward anymore and I don't feel like riding with my back stabbing brother." She headed for the door while Emmett turned and looked at me.

"I'm sorry bro," he said lowly. His pained face hit a nerve in me. He was never the type to be sad or pissed. Emmett was a happy guy. He was a fucking optimistic. He was always seeing the good things in life and the good in bad people. That's why he was with Rosalie, but her good was buried somewhere deep in her black heart and he was just now realizing this.

The next morning Em refused to come out of his room. I didn't know what had happened, but it must have been nasty since Rosalie looked like fucking shit at school. I didn't know if they had broken up, but I could tell whatever it was she was blaming it on Bella and me. I needed to get Bella away from her before she heard anything from Rosalie's rotten mouth.

I spent the afternoon trying to get Em to come out of his room, but he just wanted to be alone.

So I left him alone.

The next day I hurried to Bella's job. I hadn't seen her in a fucking forever. Yes it was only a few hours, but goddamn did I miss her. She didn't look too happy and I knew it had something to do with her stupid friend Jacob. She insisted on telling me what was bugging her later.

"Where do you wanna go?" I asked as I kissed her knuckles.

"How about the meadow?" I smiled at her request and pulled her in for another kiss.

"Sounds like a fucking great idea." The whole purpose of this date was to get spend time with my girl away from school and her house where we spent most of our hours, so the meadow sounded like paradise.

"What are you thinking about, love?" I asked while I stared at the sky. We laid in the meadow taking in the light sun rays Washington rarely had to offer. Bella rested her head on my chest while one of her arms was wrapped around my abdomen.

"Stuff."

"What kind of stuff?"

"You mostly." I chuckled and rubbed her back with my hand.

"I'm flattered." She kissed my chest and snuggled into it again.

"I was just wondering what I would be doing if I didn't have you."

"Funny, I sometimes wonder the same thing. I don't like what I come up with, so I'm glad we have each other."

"Edward?"

"Yeah?"

"What made you wanna talk to me in the first place?" I didn't say anything. I didn't expect that question. I didn't know how to answer it. "Edward, why don't you tell me about your past? What are you afraid of?" I pulled away and sat up.

"Why do you want to know so badly?" I asked irritated as fuck but I knew this was still my fault. "Do you want to find a reason to get rid of me?"

"No! Why would you think that?"

"I've told you that my past is bullshit. It's not important for you to know it."

"It's not important for me to know that my boyfriend used to sell drugs?" She asked lowly. I stood up. I needed to walk a little and breathe.

"Who the fuck told you that? Wait, it was that asshole Jacob Black! I knew that I recognized that fucker!" I punched the air like a pathetic moron. Why did that fucker feel he had to say that to my girl? She probably thought I was some loser drug addict and wanted out. I was going to lose her because of that asshole.

"So it's true?" She asked incredulously and I gulped. It was time to face the fucking music.

"Yes," I simply said and rubbed my face in frustration.

"Why?" She whispered.

"Does it matter?"

"Yes, I want to know."

"You said my past wouldn't change how you feel for me."

"And it won't," she assured me and wrapped her arms around my waist. "I swear it won't." I kissed her head and hugged her back. I remembered Rosalie's threat again.

I could lose this.

I could lose her in a sudden moment.

I could lose Bella.

"Then why do you want to know about the stupid shit I did before I had you? That stuff means nothing now."

"It doesn't. But I just feel like you're hiding from me. I don't feel complete honesty from you. I guess it hurts a little."

"I sold, did, stole and bought that shit because I wasn't thinking. I got arrested for it twice and I've ran away from home many times. I've gotten into some deep shit with the cops over the years and I've managed to piss off my mother, Esme, like nobody else has." I sighed and pulled her away so I could look into her face as I finished. "I was homeless for a few months until Carlisle found me again. But even after that I didn't change. I guess you could say I was doing it for attention, but I really didn't know. I just did one stupid thing after the other. I just existed and nothing more. I didn't know what else to do with the pain and anger I had in myself. I hurt a lot of people. That isn't something to be proud of." Bella's face didn't flinch at my words and her eyes didn't look at me differently.

She took my face in her hands and kissed me tenderly.

"I'm proud of you. You managed to change that and you are now the most beautiful person I know," she whispered against my lips, before pressing hers against mine again. The word "proud" and "me" didn't make sense in my head. They made me feel guilty and angry with myself.

I couldn't even tell her the truth. What kind of person am I?

"Don't say that," I gasped with guilt. It was starting to come back and choke me to death. I needed to tell her.

"It's the truth. You've managed to piss me off a few times, but you've never ever hurt me. The total opposite of that happened. You've saved me. You've saved me from being a lonely girl. You saved me from the hell I lived in because I was too scared to fight back." She kissed me again, but I couldn't help but hold my lips back.

"You see, you're wrong. If you only knew why I started talking to you in the first place, you would change your mind." I stepped back.

"What are you talking about Edward?" I took a few steps back.

"Do you remember when we got caught smoking pot?" She just nodded. "Remember when I told you that I wasn't mad at you for telling on us?"

"Yeah, you said you didn't mind the week off school," she said innocently.

"Why didn't you tell me? Why didn't you defend yourself and tell me it wasn't you who got us caught?"

"I didn't think you were worth the time to fight. I thought you would have just believed what you wanted to believe anyway. Besides, it wasn't like you liked me anyway." I looked at my feet. I couldn't even look at her in the face.

"Well I did blame you."

"Why didn't you tell me? I thought you said you didn't care."

"I lied."

"Why does this matter?" I didn't answer. She neared and took my hands in hers. "Edward? Why does that matter now?" I took in a deep breath and looked at her in those brown eyes that would surely hate me.

"I blamed you. My friends blamed you. We all did and wanted to get back at you." She didn't let go of my hands and kept staring at me. "So Rosalie thought of a prank which later turned into a fucking bet that makes me sick every time I think about it." I gulped. My heart pounded against my chest.

"The prank was going to be on me?" She asked nervously and I just nodded holding back the weird need to sob like a fucking pussy. "What was the prank about Edward?" I didn't answer. "What was the fucking prank?" She whispered angrily.

"Bella," I choked. "Just know that I thank God I said yes to the prank." She looked at me confused. "It brought me to you. It gave me the balls to get to know you. Yes, I did it for bad reasons, but as time passed it opened my eyes and my heart to you. I realized how amazing you are and how much I lov-"

"What was the prank Edward?" She cut me off. "Please," I could hear the hurt in her voice and I swear my chest ached. I wanted to kick myself for it. I caused this. "Please just tell me."

"I was supposed to sleep with you by prom." I don't know how I managed to get the words out, but there they were. I could see them in her eyes. I could it feel it in my aching chest. I could taste their bitterness in my mouth.

"That's the reason why I started being friendly to you." She let go of my hands and stepped back. Oh how my heart ached at that moment. She looked away and to then to the ground.

"The tutoring?"

"Part of the plan."

"The ride home because my truck broke down?"

"Emmett knows a lot of about cars. He messed with it on purpose."

"Defending me from Rosalie and her fucking friends?" I gulped at her angry voice and with a shaky breath answered.

"Part of the plan." Tears escaped her eyes and I fell to my knees.

"Then what was real?"

"Everything else! You and me. It's so fucking real, love." I looked up at her. I would beg for forgiveness until the end of time.

"Don't call me that! How am I supposed to know what's real when everything started off as damn lie!" She shouted and pulled away from my hands as I tried to take hers. "How am I supposed to know when it started to be real? Everything, from the first time you actually took the time to talk to me, everything was real. To know all of this has been part of some twisted plan of yours and your damn friends, hurts like…I feel so stupid. I should've known."

"Please, Bella listen to me. I swear that everything that you ever felt with me was and is real. I thank the fucking bet because I got to know you. I got to know the real you and not that girl everyone saw at school. I saw the girl whose father and mother failed to see." I tried making my case but something in Bella's broken eyes told me she wasn't convinced.

"And what? You felt bad for me? You felt bad for the pathetic girl that got her ass kicked by her father and all of the sudden you're a fucking saint who wants to help her? What kind of person are you? I feel like I don't even know you anymore. You're not who I thought you were. You lied to me."

"I'm still me. It wasn't fake."

"What wasn't fake? Your pity for me or your ability to lie so well."

"My love for you." It didn't get the reaction I had expected. She furrowed her eyebrows and sadly looked away.

"I love you Bella. I love you with all my heart. Those words seem too small and fragile compared to what I feel, but I don't know how else to express my feelings for you. You're everything to me. The reason for my fucking life." I took her hand and kissed it. "I love you," I whispered once more, but she quickly pulled her hand away.

"Stop saying that," her broken voice said.

"Why? It's the truth."

"Somehow I can't bring myself to believe that now." She started to walk away, breaking my heart.

"Please Bella…"

"Just give me some time, Edward."

"For what?"

"I don't know yet," she said lowly and walked a few feet in front of me and sat down. "Don't come near me. Let me be alone."

And I did.

I didn't approach her.

I sat a few feet behind her. She with her back to me, started off into the woods.

We sat there for so long, maybe hours. The wind would occasionally blow her scent toward me as a cruel reminder of what I had lost. Maybe she could forgive me if she thought about how much I do love her.

I would punish myself for thinking so positively.

It was getting dark and the moon wasn't showing its cowardly face.

I took in deep breaths, hoping she would turn around and forgive me. Take me back into her arms that I ached for so badly.

She finally stood up, walking toward me with her head low and looking everywhere else but my eyes.

"Edward?"

"Yeah?" I quickly stood up.

"Take me home," was all she said and headed for my car without waiting for me.

I don't know what this means.

**Awww! Cliffy! I know!**

**Hopefully next chapter will be up soon.**

**It isn't as bad as it looks. Give Bella time. She didn't see everything Ed did. Besides, would you take the news lightly? **

**So there are only about 5 chapters left in this one. I know! But everything that needs to happen will happen pretty fast. And it's not because this story has been going on forever and needs to end, but because that just the way the story goes. So hang around for the end and fav me as a fav author. Why? Well I have another story in the works that I will post after ATTY is over and I would like for you to check it out lol This time no high school and no tweens…but it's still awesome.**

**Until next time.**

**PS. Please review!**


	28. Moving

**Hello there! I know, I took forever…**

**But here is Bella. **

_Ch28/Bella/Moving_

My damn pillow…

I hate it.

My bed…

I hate it.

The balcony outside my room…

I hate that too.

The stupid Radiohead t-shirt I wear every night to sleep…

I hate it too…

Okay, maybe I don't hate that, but it still reminds me of him and therefore has earned my dislike for it. Yes, I still wear it religiously to sleep and yes I stare at the balcony window in pathetic hope, but I have to make it.

I know I can.

I woke up with a headache which had been a common thing these past few weeks and took a long shower. I stuffed my backpack with my homework and books and took a few steps toward my balcony glass door. I took a deep breath and, knowing what I would see, I prepared myself before I looked out.

"Bella?" My mother called as she entered my room. "He's waiting outside."

"Yeah, and?"

"I think maybe you should give him a word or at least him give him the chance to say something. He has been waiting since six in the morning."

I huffed. "Like every morning for the past three weeks. I'm not going to get over it soon and he needs to get that through his thick skull."

"But baby…"

"Mom, if he is the one that convinced you to voice reason for him, I don't believe a word you're saying. He lied."

"But he also told you about it."

"Mom!"

"Fine, you decide baby," my mother gave up and left my room while I turned to look at the scruffy, wrinkled and very exhausted version of Edward standing in front of his car, waiting for me. This version of Edward was the saddest thing I've ever seen.

The Saturday he had confessed the sick plan of vengeance he and his stupid friends has made against me, I stopped talking to Edward Cullen.

I had not said one word to him. Of course he didn't give up and called, texted, wrote letters and tried his best to get me to hear him out, but I ignored him. I threw his stupid phone at him one morning. I was tired of his ringtone and the damn thing wouldn't shut up about me having over 50 unread messages. Really? Can't get a clue?

It shattered into millions of pieces as it hit the concrete floor of my driveway. Edward said he would buy me another one as he stared at the pieces at his feet, but I ignored him.

He waited every morning for me. Mom said he wanted to give me a ride to school like always. Instead, I made her take me, leaving him in the driveway.

Every morning.

I didn't know what he expected. For me to change my mind and accept the ride with him? Then I would forgive him for lying to me? Haha, very amusing.

The truth was I was missed him, but I was furious.

I spent the first week in a pain so fucking deep and bruising that I didn't have a clue how I could move on. I barely made it out of bed every morning and just by a miracle, I made it through school. I alienated everyone there as well. It wasn't difficult as nobody talked to me besides Alice, Angela and Edward anyway. That Monday Alice tried talking to me, but she was better at getting the damn clue than her brother. She nodded and apologized before walking away. Angela didn't give up as easy. She insisted that she had no clue of the bet and confessed that even she was a bit angry at Alice for keeping it from her.

I didn't care. I just wanted to be left alone, like the good old days.

Who was I kidding? The good old days were when a bronze haired boy with a face of an angel, but the mind of demon, held me and made me feel good. Now there was nothing. Now I didn't even know if the good old days were real or a damn lie. That was painful to swallow. I didn't have anything good in my life. Yes, I was being dramatic, but I didn't really give a shit. I think I have a right to be dramatic.

I moped around and wished I could just disappear. The depression that took over me left a scar too deep, but I wanted him so bad. I wanted to believe him when he said he loved me and especially when he said he had changed because of me. But even believing that he loved me and not pitied me was difficult. I did not want his pity.

After that week (after hours of dwelling on it) I decided I would no longer cry over his stupidity. I decided to get even. I let the bitter part of me take over. I asked Jacob to take me to school one day.

To say Edward's face didn't crumble and look like I had just ripped his heart out would be a damn lie from hell.

I prayed for blindness in that moment.

I didn't want to see that.

I was too weak when it came to Edward's pain. I wanted to run to him and comfort him. I internally slapped myself for feeling pity for him. He didn't deserve it. He didn't deserve my guilt.

Jake didn't ask why I was mad. He really didn't say much. He especially didn't say anything as I cried on his shoulder before and after school. I was thankful his smart ass mouth stayed shut. I didn't need it.

The thing is I wasn't really mad at Edward for agreeing to the damn prank. I was angry at him for not telling me.

I was angry at him because he chose the wrong moment to tell me he loved me.

He didn't understand how much doubt I had. I doubted everything. It hurt that he would go after me with every intention to hurt me without even knowing me, but what hurt me the most was not knowing when something I considered a harbor of safety became real and not part of some stupid prank.

Then Emmett Cullen visited me at work.

I was stocking shelves when his huge presence startled me. He chuckled and without asking gave me a tight hug as if I wasn't pissed at his brother or at him.

"How are you, Bella?" Really? How easy for him. I didn't answer him and instead pretended to concentrate on my task which consisted of organizing fishing bait by alphabetical order. He sighed. "I know you hate me right now…"

"Understatement," I said dryly, but he only laughed.

"Dang! I guess it is." He sat on the floor next to me.

"What are you doing here? Don't you have a girlfriend to make evil plans with?" He didn't answer right away and instead sighed loudly.

"I broke up with Rosalie."

"What?" I was a little shocked. They had been going out for years. There was always Emmett and Rosalie, somehow now nothing made sense. Why in the world was he telling me this? "I mean, what happened? You don't have to tell me. I mean…"

"She didn't want happiness for my brother," he simply said and patted the floor next to him, but I gave him a questioning look. "Oh come on, Mike is scared of me. He won't say anything. You won't get fired for sitting around."

"What makes you think I want to sit by you?""

"Oh come on Bella! It will take a few minutes. Give me five and then I'll be out of here so you can go back to the exciting wonders of fishing bait."

"Shut up," I sighed and sat next to him while he bumped my shoulder with his grinning like an idiot. "I know you're trying to get on my good side, but it won't work."

"Fine," he chuckled.

"So you were saying about your brother…"

"Oh, well you see my brother, Edward, has always been a pain in the ass." I quirked an eyebrow at him which only made him chuckle again. "He's always been on the emo side too, which doesn't help. But I love that asshole. We all love him; he just has a hard time believing we do, because his own folks bailed on him. But, unlike his folks, we can see the real Edward and that Edward is a fucking good person."

"If he sent you here to convince me…"

"Actually, Edward asked us all to stay away from you."

"He what?" I asked incuriously. I thought for sure all of this was part of some plan Edward had made up to get me back.

"Yeah, he said he didn't want us bothering you and that you needed some time. So don't tell him I came, alright?"

"I guess."

"Cool, anyway as I was saying, Edward is not taking all of this too well."

"He told you about it?"

"He didn't have to. Motherfucker looks like death warmed over." I grimaced at the description of the boy I loved, but who pissed me off so I tried my best to look indifferent. "He spends all of his time in his room and when he comes out, you wanna cry for the dude. Bella, just give him a chance to show you that he really does care. He really loves you." I sighed and looked away.

"I can't believe that."

"Why?"

"Because! How am I supposed to really know that's true when he lied the way he did?"

"But you're missing the point! It's easy to tell when it became real for Edward."

"Really? You're so full of it Dr. Phil."

"Bella you watch too much TV," he groaned and ran a hand through his dark curly hair. "Tell me Bella, when Ed started talking to you, did you believe one word he said to you?"

"Uh…not really. I didn't trust him."

"But when Edward started staying with you in your room, did you believe him then."

"I can't believe he told you about that and it can't be that simple."

"It is though. Why do you think he went through a stage where he had to stay away from you to protect you…or some bullshit like that?" I didn't answer back. "Actually Alice told me all of this. She's the one trying to get Edward to come talk to you." I rolled my eyes at Alice's nosiness. "He really felt guilty about having bad intentions with the girl he loved. Edward thinks of himself as a horrible monster, but the guy never sees the good in himself."

"I thought I could see it, but after this I don't think I can."

"That's because you're letting the negative shit that he did blind you." He said and turned his huge body to face me completely. "One time when we were sixteen, Carlisle and Esme went out for a few days to Seattle. They left my uncle Marcus in charge, but Uncle Marcus was more of a dope head than anybody else."

"Get to the point Emmett."

"Anyway, we were young and immature and wanted to party. Edward was being moody. It was the month of his real mom's death and he stayed in his room all day and night. He didn't come to the party. We planned to clean everything up before my parents got home, but got totally shit faced and fell asleep in our rooms. Carlisle had already threatened to take me off the football team if I didn't stop acting up. We were woken up by loud shouts coming from papa Cullen. I thought I was going to be dead so I hid in my room all morning.

I was surprised Carlisle hadn't tried to come after me. I finally came out of my room to find out Edward was grounded for a whole month. He had blamed himself for the party so I wouldn't get kicked off the team." I smiled at a self sacrificing Edward, but quickly shook my head.

"That's sweet and all, but what does this have to do with anything?"

"Well, it was so easy for Carlisle to believe that Edward would do that. I mean Edward earned it for acting like a fool for years, but Carlisle didn't even investigate to see if Edward was telling the truth. He believed it because he didn't think Edward had a good bone in him, but he does Bella. He's a good guy. It just took a nice girl to get him to finally act like it and quit acting like a douche bag. And you know why?" I shook my head. "Because that nice and sweet girl took the time to see and find the real Edward." He smiled at me. Emmett might be as big as a bear, but he was the sweetest thing ever.

"I'm sorry Bella. I'm sorry I agreed to the bet. That was pretty fucked up. It didn't hit me until my brother threatened to kick my ass for you. You should have seen him! Dude looked like he would cut a bitch." I chuckled, but quickly covered my mouth with my hand. I hadn't laughed in days.

"Thanks Emmett, but I still need time. This isn't easy."

"Yeah, of course. Take your time. Ed is willing to wait. I hope you do come around and forgive the fucker. You seem like a cool chick and God knows Ed gets moody when he doesn't get some for a while." I rolled my eyes.

"Thanks…I guess. You also seem like a cool guy too, Emmett."

"That's because I am," he said and another chuckle left my throat.

"I don't mean to offend you or anything, but why were you with Rosalie? She was so mean." I hoped to Jesus I hadn't pissed him off, but Emmett just shrugged.

"I saw the good in her. She might have been a bitch to everyone, but with me she was sweet as a diabetic kid."

"Then why did you break up with her? Why should I forgive Edward because there is good in him? Wouldn't the bad still be there?"

"Good questions and I have answers," he sighed and scratched the back of his neck. "Rosalie and Edward are both alike. Both are bitter about the past. The difference between the two is Rosalie likes to take it out on others. She likes to hurt them because she was hurt and she won't listen to reason. Edward on the other hand, instead of taking it out on others, he punishes himself. He'll blame the end of the world on himself if he can, but he doesn't listen to his heart, Bella. That's difference." He stood up and held his hand out for me to take. Hesitantly I took it and he gently helped me to my feet, before he hugged me again. "I'll see you around. I hope Edward is by you when I do. Give him one last chance Bella. If he fucks up one more time, you tell me and I will kick his ass."

I didn't give Edward a chance. Emmett still smiled at me at school and like a coward, I avoided Edward. I would catch him staring at me in the hall or at lunch, but he gave me my space. Though I thanked him for it, I sometimes wished he would try harder.

One day, Agent Molina made a visit to my house I wish he had never made.

He was there to inform us that our house would be taken away. It looks like they wanted a little repayment of what Charles owed to the banks and that included the house. We had until the end of the month to find somewhere to go.

"Our last day is April 3rd," Mother sighed as we sat in the kitchen that was soon to be someone else's.

"I can't believe this won't be our house anymore," I mumbled as I stared at the kitchen table.

"It's so embarrassing!" Mother whined.

"Mom, Agent Molina said nobody would really know why we had to move out. We can just tell people, we wanna leave this house."

"I know baby, but we've always lived here. Nobody is going to believe our sudden need to change."

"It doesn't matter what anybody thinks. We just have to find somewhere with cheap rent."

"And I need to find a second job."

"I can get another job too."

"No, you have school to worry about. Besides you don't have to worry about where I'm going to be. I can take care of myself, baby," Mom said smiling. I was confused.

"You don't want me to come?"

"Of course I do, but you have better things to do than take care of your mom." She quickly stood up and grabbed some huge yellow envelopes and handed them to me. "They are university letters baby and this," she paused before she handed me another large white envelope. "This one is from the Art Institution of Washington for the Youth. I took the liberty of reading it baby. But don't get mad, I was too excited. Read it!"

I rolled my eyes at my mother's enthusiasm and read the letters.

"I won…I won a contest…" I quickly remembered the contest Mr. Freeman had entered me without asking. I had completely forgotten about it.

"And what else?"

"I got a full scholarship to any art school in California!" My mother squealed like a little girl and couldn't help but join her.

"See baby, you'll be in Cali too busy with school that you don't have to worry about me."

"You're my mother; of course I have to worry."

"I'll be fine. Besides, it's time you worry about yourself for a change, Bella." I smiled at her knowing what she meant. She gently palmed my cheek. "No matter how many times I say I'm sorry, it won't take what happened away. But I will beg for your forgiveness for the rest of my life." I didn't respond and instead just nodded. My mother knew the answer. It wasn't a pretty one, but she would apologize the rest of her life.

Later that day, my mother let me know Phil had offered for us to move in with him in Port Angeles. I would have to go to school there. I didn't want to move. I was just about to graduate and, though I didn't exactly like anybody in my class, I was too lazy to move to another school and graduate with a bunch of strangers.

And then there was Edward.

Things were changing too fast. I was becoming a bit melancholy. We were going to leave Forks. Somehow the notion didn't sink in the way I always imagined it would. I wasn't as happy as I thought I was going to be about finally leaving this place.

We started packing our junk.

I looked at Edward again.

I had been tempted, well more like desperate to let him in again. I wanted to tell him about Father. I wanted to tell him how Mom thinks she might have seen him in Port Angeles a few days ago. I wish I could run to him and tell him how I cannot sleep out of pure fear. I wanted to tell him how I had zoned out again a few days ago and how he wasn't there to bring me back to reality again like he promised he would. I wanted to tell him how I had been a paranoid mess and how much I needed him. I wanted him to make me feel better.

I wanted to give up my pride and let him love me, like he said he did.

I did what Emmett asked and didn't remember the bad.

I thought of all the times Edward stayed with me. How he fixed my bruises and eventually my heart as cheesy as that might sound. I thought of the first time Edward kissed me and how I didn't kiss him back, but how he tried to push me away for my own good. I thought of the boy who got into a fight because someone had said something nasty about me. I thought of the time he took me to the movies and bought me dinner which we ate in his meadow and when he opened up about his parents.

That couldn't possibly be made up.

Edward looked up at my window and caught me staring. I didn't move or pretend I wasn't looking at him. There would have been no use to that. He gave me a sad smile and waved while he nervously dug another hand in his pocket. I didn't do anything, but stare. I fought back the tears.

Shit, how much I missed him. It was painful. I wanted my Edward back.

I quickly walked away from my balcony window and grabbed my backpack. I ran down stairs and found my mother packing the remaining kitchen supplies.

"I'm almost done," she said as I looked at her. "We'll be moving by the end of next week. I've already spoken to Forks High School and Port Angeles High. Things are almost set."

"I don't want to go to Port Angeles." She looked at me confused and walked up to me.

"But baby, you can't stay here by yourself. Besides they are taking the house."

"Can't we just stay a little longer until I finish school?"

"Baby…" I sighed, cutting her off.

"It's fine Mom. Just give me a day or two to get used to the idea. I hadn't really thought of it until now." I started towards the door.

"Don't you want me to take you to school?" I didn't answer and instead gave her a look which made her smile.

I headed towards Edward, who was staring at the ground. He nervously began playing with the hem of his blue jacket as I walked in his direction. I took a deep breath and walked to the passenger side of his Volvo. He didn't notice until I cleared my throat.

"Uh…um Bella?" He nervously asked as I stared at myself on the reflection on his car window.

"Aren't you going to take me to school?" I simply said. He jumped and walked over to me.

"Yeah, of course." He held open the door for me and I ignored how wonderful he smelled even if he looked like a mess and slid into the passenger seat. He shut the door and rushed to the driver's side.

The ride to school was silent. Not one word was said. He did have a death grip on the steering wheel and seemed to be holding his breath as if he was waiting for my backlash. I wanted to speak so badly. I wanted it to be back to normal with him, but the words couldn't leave my mouth.

He walked me to my locker in silence while the rest of the school stared. He grazed my hand with his finger tips before silently leaving my side. I almost broke down and cried. I cursed at him and at the same time whispered how much I loved him.

The ache in my chest grew with each class period. I was going to move. I was going to leave and never was I going to have an excuse to see Edward again.

At lunch, I avoided the cafeteria and spent my time with Mr. Freeman as he went over art schools with me. But when English class ended, I took one look at Edward and he nodded before giving me another sad crooked smile. He followed me to my locker and then to his car in silence. The ride home wasn't any different than the drive to school.

We said nothing.

He parked his car in front of my house and my body didn't dare move. We sat there in silence as if waiting for something to happen that would cure us both. Ten minutes later, I opened the door and stepped out of his car. I walked towards my door. Each step was heavier and more painful than the last. After what seemed like a hundred steps, I turned to look at him and found him leaning against his car with the worst sadness in his eyes.

In that moment my will crumbled to hell and my legs rushed me to him. Before I could comprehend, I had my face in his neck breathing in that scent that made me feel safe again with my hands wrapped around his neck while his arms held me. I don't know how it happened, but I suddenly felt and heard myself sobbing.

He lightly pulled my face back and kissed my cheek. I realized that he was crying as well. He brought me to his chest and held me tighter while he ran a hand through my hair. He kissed my head and softly pressed his lips against my neck before sobbing those words that made me crumble.

"I love you, Bella." I closed my eyes hoping the effect of the words printed into my skin. "I swear I do. I love you so fucking much." I smiled against his chest. "You have to forgive me," his voice cracked. "Please, I don't know how to live without you." I pulled back and looked at him in those green eyes of his.

I smiled and pressed my lips to his.

It had been almost a month since the last time I had kissed Edward, but it felt like it had been ages. He sighed and deepened the kiss. I let myself get lost for a moment in the love I felt for him. It was the only thing in the world that felt good. He ran the tip of his tongue against my bottom lip and I automatically opened my mouth.

This wasn't difficult.

This was easy.

I pressed my forehead against his as we both tried to control our breathing. I closed my eyes and pressed my body as tightly to his as possible. It was never enough.

"I love you, Edward," I whispered.

**

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****So…I told you it wouldn't be as bad.**

**Some might think Bella was too quick for forgive him, but a month did pass! Lol Let me know what you think.**

**Also, the next chapter will be Bella once again. This chapter was intended to be WAY longer and a lot of stuff happening, but I decided to cut it into two chapters so I could update faster.**

**Also, for those of you who ask me question but don't login, I can't answer you back lovelies! And one last thing, some of you have asked me where they can find the Spanish version as it's easier for them to read it. Just look up the wonderful Verosmee Cullen or search for "Y Luego Estas Tu."**

**Any who, leave me some love. **

**P.S Check me out on twitter. I finally got the hang of it lol /at/stewluv4eva**


	29. Say It

**Here I am after weeks! I know! I totally forgot to thank my lovely friend edwardrocksmysocks for the last chapter's revision. Thanks love! Of course she also worked on this chapter.**

**This chapter is named and inspired by the song **_**Say It**_** by Blue October. It rocks and is totally Bella…anyhow here she is.**

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_Ch29/Bella/Say It_

Of three things I was absolutely positive about it.

First, Edward had acted like an asshole once.

Second, I've forgiven him.

And finally third, I was so in love with him, it was ridiculous.

I had feared I had become like those stupid girls that stay in an abusive relationship.

Like my mother for instance.

Yes, my mother was a stupid girl. My father abused of her and her child, yet she always stayed. Out of fear or ignorance, but there was no excuse.

Like that stupid girl that loves that asshole that treats her like shit, but she stays. She stays, maybe because she is scared to be alone or because she doesn't know anything else.

I didn't want to be that girl.

Edward had hurt me more than once. Not physically, but somehow the feelings he injured seemed to hurt worse that my Father's fist to my face.

I feared I was too weak and I would always end up forgiving him, because I loved him so.

But I was wrong.

Unlike my mother and that stupid girl, Edward had not killed me inside.

Inside I was vibrant with life. I could feel my love for him, warm in every cell of my body. It kept me alive. I was not dead.

Unlike those men, Edward made up to me not with roses and bullshit words of eternal love, but with actions of honesty and just by being real.

The days that that followed, Edward decided to 'start over' and took me out on dates which he insisted on asking my mother for permission for though she didn't care. He said it was the normal thing to do. I just rolled my eyes, hiding the giddy smile that always threatened to come out and followed along.

He told me everything there was to know about him, except his mother. He still refused to talk about her death.

Alice warned me to back off the subject as it was Edward's breaking point.

So I did.

Besides that, I found out Edward had his first kiss when he was 14 with some girl at a party. He didn't remember her name, a fact that he laughed at. Edward did drugs for the first time when he was 15. He stopped a few months ago, which he didn't have trouble with since he states he wasn't an addict and really only did them once in a blue moon.

Edward lost his virginity at 15 as well. That was a fact that I didn't really want to know, but he insisted in divulging everything so 'I could get to know him.' The truth was that I already knew Edward before all of these confessions and they didn't change the image I had of him and, being the idiot that I was, I had only realized this just now.

It didn't matter what Edward did before me, he was still the boy I loved.

"What are you thinking about?" He asked while we laid on my bed. He hadn't stayed the night in weeks and hadn't asked to but, due to my recent nightmares, I sort of begged him to stay with me.

"How adorable you look in Superman pajamas," I said while pulling at his shirt. It was really just an old ratty t-shirt, but he still looked like a kid. A very cute kid.

"These are not pajamas," he chuckled. "It's my favorite t-shirt and a pair of sweat pants."

"Pajamas," I repeated and before I knew it, I was being tickled to death. After I begged for a pee break, Edward held me while I tried to fall asleep. He beat me to it with his light snores being the only noise in the room. I couldn't bring myself to sleep. I felt like I was letting my defenses down. I made myself vulnerable when I slept.

I would see _Him_. He would be there, with the devil in his eyes and hate in his heart. I would be there too and I was the one he looked at with so much anger. I was the one who he went after, before I would wake up drenched in sweat.

"Bella, baby wake up. It's just a nightmare." I opened my eyes to find a very concerned Edward staring down at me. I hadn't even realized I had fallen asleep.

"I'm sorry," I gasped while I grabbed my chest through my very damp shirt.

"It's okay baby," he whispered against my forehead after placing a sweet kiss there. "I'm here. I won't let anything happen to you. You're safe." He rocked me in his arms while I tried to calm down. It wasn't hard. I truly felt safe in his arms.

"I was 15," I whispered against his chest.

"When what, love?"

"In my dream, I was 15. He was there and you weren't. He wanted to hit me…he…I hate him. I fucking hate him," I cried grabbing Edward's Superman t-shirt for dear life. I didn't want to, but I cried. I felt so stupid.

"I'm here now. That asshole won't ever hurt you again." We didn't say anything more for a while. I knew it was late and tomorrow would be the big day I moved to the Cullen's house.

When I had told Edward about my move to Port Angeles, he hadn't taken it very well. Though he acted maturely about it, I found Esme Cullen knocking at my door the next day. She offered for me to stay with the Cullens for the rest of the school year that way I wouldn't have to change schools so late. My mother was against it at first, but Esme Cullen has something about her that could convince anybody to do anything.

So, it was decided that instead of moving with my mother I would live with Edward and his family. I actually found the idea exciting. I really did like them and just thinking about spending so much more time with Edward made me squeal like a little girl.

"Bella?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you." Every time he said it, there was so much I wanted to say back that at the end I didn't say much. I held on to his shirt a little tighter.

"And I love you." It doesn't feel like those words are enough.

"So I applied at UCLA…" he whispered. He had been planning endlessly for the past two days to apply at every single college in California.

"That's so cool. Hopefully we'll get to go to Los Angeles."

"Yeah." He went silent for a moment before rubbing my back with his hands. "You don't think I'm some weirdo following you to California, right?" I giggled.

"I do think you're a weirdo, but a cute one, but not because you're following me to California. Besides, you are my boyfriend. Don't some boyfriends do that? Follow their girlfriend…"

"I guess, I just don't wanna to get in your way." I sat up and placed my hands on both sides of his face.

"I need you in my way forever. You help me up when I fall and besides, I need company on the way to wherever it is I'm going." I softly kissed lips, before returning to my favorite spot…his warm chest.

"I fucking love you." He sighed.

"Aw…I fucking love you too." I sighed sarcastically and could feel his smile even though I couldn't see it.

~!

"The red Power Ranger is the best."

"We all know the green one is cooler."

"The red one is cuter."

"Bella, that's a stupid reason to pick him," Jacob sighed as Leah and I giggled.

"It's the only reason. Besides, that show sucks anyway," Leah mumbled.

"Excuse me?" Jacob asked insulted.

"You heard me," Leah mumbled again.

"I want you to know that the Power Rangers are fuckawesome."

"Only the red one."

"Bella, shut up!" Jake shouted while Leah and busted out laughter again. "I'm gonna get us some drinks and while I'm gone, I want you to review your choice Bella and see that the red ranger is a douchebag." I rolled my eyes as he walked away.

Spending the morning with Leah and Jacob wasn't my original plan, but Mom had to work before we could move tonight. She would help me move into the Cullen's and she would then leave to Port Angeles with Phil. Edward had to go into Port Angeles with Dr. Carlisle, so I ended up spending Saturday morning watching The Power Rangers with Jacob and Leah and eating cereal for lunch on his couch.

"Sorry this day couldn't be more exciting," Leah apologized.

"It's okay." I chuckled. "It's not like I expected a party."

"You should. It's like a new life you're starting," she assured me.

"I'm just moving houses."

"No, you're leaving a house full of shitty memories behind."

"I guess you're right." She nodded and took my hands in hers.

"You look tired. You alright?"

"Not really, nightmares…" I whispered, a little ashamed.

"I had nightmares all the time."

"You did? Why?" Leah shook her head and sighed.

"I let it happen." I didn't understand and she understood to proceed. "I know Jake hasn't told you, but I don't exactly have a Disney movie life."

"Makes two of us." She chuckled and nodded.

"Totally. You still have bruises?" I didn't answer and she immediately apologized. "It's okay. I do. But like all bad things, they are fading away." She sadly smiled.

"It's the mental bruises that don't."

"What happened to you, Leah?" I wasn't afraid to ask anymore. The moment she looked at me with those soft brown eyes of hers, I knew she would tell me.

"Last year, I went to a party with Sam. He got wasted like no other. I drove us to my house. He didn't have a place to stay since his mom kicked him out. The fucking loser. He wanted to make out and I didn't. I thought he was going to stop, but of course he didn't give a fuck, pun very intended," Leah laughed bitterly.

"I can't believe…"

"Yeah well, like everyone else. It fucked up my mind pretty bad. I didn't tell anybody after my own friends didn't believe me. I practically drowned in the memory every day for the rest of the year. I had nightmares like no other."

"You should tell someone!" I didn't hold back the anger in my voice. How dare he?

"Bella, it's not gonna take back what he did. Besides, he's going to join the ARMY. Big fucking hero he is." She sighed. "But if you can learn one thing about my fucked up story is don't let him take over. Don't let him win. Fight back. I broke his nose the morning after." She laughed and shook her head. "It doesn't sound like much, but knowing he has breathing issues makes me smile every fucking time."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be. I should have left him at that party. Even though I broke his nose, I wish I had fought back earlier. Please, don't let it happen to you, Bella. Always fight back. Don't let him win or even get started. Get rid of him. Free your mind and soul."

~!

"I should be at your house in less than 20."

"You better," I sighed into the phone. "I miss you."

"I know, love. This officially has been the longest day of my pathetic life."

"Drama queen."

"King, love, king." I giggled. "Your mom?"

"She is also on her way. You'll probably beat her here."

"Okay, I'll let you finish packing."

"Okay, bye."

"Bye."

I sighed in the empty living room. I closed my eyes trying to fight the memories of the hell that was lived in this house. I didn't dare walk into my mother's room and didn't even care about _His_ room. Not one room in this house was safe.

_Don't let him win._

I sighed again and went to my room to finish packing my stuff. All of my art supplies were in one box and all of my drawings in another. Since I really didn't have a lot of clothes or junk my room had been the easiest and I left packing it up for the end.

As I placed the last drawings in my box, I ignored the heavy steps going up the stairs. I had already ignored the car lights outside.

A light knock on my opened door made my heart stop.

I could feel it.

The fear in my chest, coming back as an old friend.

I could smell him.

I wanted to vomit.

"Sweetie, I'm home," his soft tone of voice made me gasp and my hands tremble. "Daddy is home." I turned to face him. He had lost a lot of weight. The black circles under his eyes made him look older. He had forgotten about shaving.

I thought he had forgotten about us.

About me…

"So your mother lost the house? That fucking bitch," he sighed.

I froze.

He took a step toward me and I took two steps back. My back hit the wall. I don't know where I went. My heart was racing as he looked at me with that smirk of victory on his face. I felt the push to runaway, caring less about what he could think.

I don't recall how long I stood there, staring at him with him staring at me, but suddenly my feet rushed me out of my room.

My legs tried to get me away and to safety, but my mind kept hearing the heavy footsteps behind me. I jumped two stairs at a time. I think I had forgotten to breathe. I was about to reach the door that led to freedom, but he suddenly grabbed me by the hair and shoved me against a wall.

"You're not going anywhere!" He spat in my face. My vision was blurred by the tears I didn't know I shed. I gasped for air as he shoved his forearm against my throat.

All I kept thinking about was Edward.

I wanted to see him one last time. I hated that this would be my end. I didn't even tell him how much I loved him the last time I spoke to him.

I didn't dare look at him in the eyes. I stared at his shoulder as I struggled against him. I suddenly felt the sting of his hand on my face. I fell on my right arm, while he leaned into me.

"Did you honestly think you could get rid of me?" I didn't really but I also didn't understand his hate for me. I was supposed to be his daughter. I was supposed to be what he protected and loved the most. Instead, I was what he enjoyed destroying the most. I cried as he slapped me again.

How could this be?

A few moments ago I was happy. I was going to start my life with Edward and now I was facing my end. I cried, not because of the pain. I cried in pity for myself. I could feel my mind slipping away. I didn't hear or see what caused him to jump back.

The next few moments flashed by. I saw Edward hovering over my father, throwing fists at him.

"Come on asshole! Fight me like a man." My head ached.

"Bella, baby you alright?" Edward was now kneeling in front of me. I didn't respond. I couldn't. I reached out to Edward with a shaky hand, but he was suddenly pulled away from me.

He was going to kill him!

_Don't let him win._ Leah's words ran through my head. How could I fight back? Edward's groans of pain pulled me back to reality. My eyes tried to find a way out and my lungs tried to find some air. My eyes finally came to an object under the sofa.

I realized I was still lying on the ground. I dragged myself toward the sofa. I reached for the object and when I finally held it in my hands, I somehow pulled myself to my feet and started walking toward the man responsible for my life and also for my death.

A baseball bat? We never owned a bat, but here I was holding it like I saw those baseball players hold it on TV, except, my target was my own father who at the moment dared to lay his disgusting hands on the love of my life.

The bat vibrated in my hands as it came in contact with the side of Father's head. The loud yelp pierced my ears, but fueled my anger.

"What the hell?" He yelled in pain, holding his now bleeding ear. I didn't realize it until the vibrations ran up my arms, that I had hit Father on his right shoulder.

"You know," I gasped as he rolled around the floor, screaming in pain. "I hate you." I swung again. I couldn't bring myself to feel pity for him as he held onto his arm, crying in pain.

"Stop, it fucking hurts!" I heard myself laugh bitterly. It wasn't me. I had no control over it.

"Stop? Are you fucking kidding me? I won't. I refuse to stop. I won't stop until to you _say it_! Say it!" I swung again. His throaty screams angered me even more. How dare he cry in pain! How fucking dare he! Memories of my childhood life ran through my head. It was his fault! All of it! "You always told me I was stupid. That I was a retard. It was one of the sweetest things you ever said about me. But I want to let you know, I will never ever let you fuck my life again." I swung again. "Say it! Say you're a retard! Say it!" I swung again. He pleaded. He begged for me to stop, but I didn't hear him. I didn't hear what I wanted him to say, so I swung again. I was about to swing one more time when a pair of hands grabbed the bat from my hands.

"Stop it, love," he whispered in my ear. "You're not him. He won't hurt you again. It was self defense, Bella, but you don't need him dead for him to see you've won." I let the bat slip from my hands and sobbed into Edward's chest as he wrapped me into his arms. I ignored that his t-shirt was blood stained. I ignored the sirens in the back. I ignored my crying mother as she stared at me in panic. I ignored that _he_ no longer begged for mercy.

For the first time, I welcomed in the darkness.

I wanted to rest and I knew I would. It wasn't difficult anymore.

It was over.

* * *

**Again the song that inspired the last bit is **_**Say It**_** by Blue October.**

**Thank you so much for reading guys. We are closer to the end. Hopefully I will update soon again. I've started on my new story. So if you guys wanna check it out when it's ready and when I finally post it, save me to your author alerts. **

**Until next time and please let me know what you think about Bella taking sweet vengeance. Bet you didn't see that coming? Or did you forget about Edward's bat?**


	30. Boys Cry Too

**_Thank you to edwardrocksmysocks for everything and for fixing my ugly and making it pretty._**

_Ch30/Edward/Boys Cry Too_

Graduation day.

It's a big deal, I guess.

It means you're done excusing everything you fuck up on your youth and immaturity. It's time to grow up.

It means I did it and fucking graduated from 12 years of torture masked as education.

I wish _she _could see me now. I wish _she _would be present when I took that diploma in my hand.

But she can't.

Wherever she is, I hope she wishes me luck.

I've needed it in the past few months. It hasn't been easy. I thought having Bella move into my house and with my family would be fucking awesome, and it has, but she hasn't been the same since that damn night.

The first few days after the incident—where she left her father with a broken arm that he wouldn't be able to ever use again and a busted face—Bella didn't speak a damn word to anybody. She stayed in that daze I had come to hate so much. Unlike the past, she didn't come back so quickly.

At the police station, they wanted to get information out of her, but she wouldn't talk or look at anybody in the face. They had to use my statement and what I saw to take that fuckface into jail after the hospital released him.

Esme insisted that we take Bella to our house and I didn't put up a fight, obviously. Renee, however, wanted to play the responsible mother for once and take Bella to Port Angeles with her. She had really pissed me off. She wanted to take her away from me when all I wanted to do was protect and comfort her. Esme had a little talk with her and Bella ended up in our house.

Esme helped Bella with her new bruises; something I never knew could be so hard. Bella freaked out and ran into my arms. She wouldn't let Esme near her, but I finally managed to convince her to trust Esme. She was so loving and motherly with Bella. Something I'd bet Bella wasn't used to.

Carlisle insisted that Bella visit a shrink. He said she had probably suffered trauma and needed help getting over what she had done to her father or what he had tried to do to her. But Bella wouldn't budge and there was no way I was forcing her.

Those first days, Emmett and Alice kept giving me this pitying look that I wanted to scream away, until I realized they were giving it to Bella. None of us knew what to do. I mean I didn't see the deal. She had fought back and won against her long time enemy, but she acted like she had lost.

I was angry with her.

I wanted her to be happy and to act happy, but she acted defeated and it broke my heart.

Esme then had to go and tell me what I hadn't been realizing and it hit me hard. She compared Bella to me.

"She's acting like this because a daughter isn't supposed to live through that with her father. Just like you acted when your mother passed away. You weren't supposed to see that Edward. You don't know how sorry I am that you had to go through that, but I tried to be there for you even though at the time I was a stranger. Thankfully, you're not a stranger to Bella. She loves you and you love her and the best part is that she knows this. Even now, when her mind and soul aren't at a 100%, she has you and knows it."

That night Esme was proven right.

Bella snuck into my room and curled by my side. She was being quiet and I wondered how many times she had snuck into my room while I was sleeping. I surprised her, by wrapping my arms around her. She sighed into my chest and finally spoke after a whole damn week.

"I love you," she whispered.

"I love you, too. You have me. All of me." I held her tight, so fucking tight.

"I'm sorry."

"You have nothing to apologize for."

"Just give me time. I'll be back," she said and few moments later fell asleep.

She wasn't lying. Little by little, the Bella I knew kept showing hints of returning. I just hoped she would stay for good this time.

Tomorrow would be graduation day and also the anniversary of my mother's death. I was going to try to act normal. I never managed that in the past few years, but this time I had Bella. I had to be normal and I had to be there for her.

I had overheard Emmett, Alice and Jasper planning a get together after the ceremony. Emmett was worried I wouldn't be attending, but Alice had faith in me since Bella would now be my side.

"I decided to visit Dr. Gomez," Bella said. It was almost midnight and neither of us had managed to fall asleep.

"Why? When?"

Dr. Gomez was this shrink from Port Angeles that Carlisle had found. She was some great miracle worker for teens and abused women. Bella didn't want to go. She refused to be that abused girl, but the truth was that she was.

"Today, when Esme took me dress shopping with Alice, I told her I wanted to go. So she took me," Bella said and I stayed quiet. I didn't know why she was doing this. Was she doing this because everyone thought she should? Or was she doing this for herself. "Is that okay?" she asked.

I cleared my throat. "Yes. Whatever you decide love. But why now?" She didn't say anything at first. I thought maybe she had changed her mind and fallen asleep, but when I heard her soft sobbing, I quickly sat up.

"I don't wanna be crazy anymore, Edward," she cried. She grabbed onto my t-shirt as if she would fall if she let go.

"You aren't!"

"I am!"

"You're just scared. You're just bruised, but all of that eventually goes away. I fucking swear."

"When I was there," she sniffed ignoring my words of encouragement, "there was this young girl. She kept looking at me like I was her friend. She smiled and even sat next to me. I didn't know why she was acting that way. Then it hit me that she was trying to find someone like her, some other broken girl. She went into the doctor's office after me. I finally realized I _was _like her. I'm that girl you hear about or watch in made for TV movies about sad pathetic girls. My fucking father abused me for so many years and you should feel pity for me! You hear that Edward, I'm that girl!" She cried. Why couldn't she see herself clearly?

"Goddamnit Bella! What do you want? Yes, yes you are that girl, but you're also the strongest person I fucking know," I swore to her. "You're also the most beautiful, caring and amazing girl I've ever met. You're also the girl I love. Is that not good enough for you? Huh? We all have a past and it might take you years to get over it, but you won't be alone. I'll be here, whether you like it or not!"

Bella didn't say anything else that night. She stopped crying. I assumed she didn't want me to notice she was still broken up about it, as ever so often her small body would shake and the sobbing noise she let out would torture me. I knew I couldn't do anything, besides be by her side. If I could go back and take five year old Bella away from that house she used to call home and save her, I would. It wouldn't make any sense since I didn't know her then and I myself was still a child, but if I could…

I would go back and save her innocence. I would save her childhood, even if I didn't have one myself.

0000

I don't think Bella knew what today was. Besides graduation, Bella acted normal on this day as can be. Nobody said anything to me. They were all used to me giving them the middle finger if they tried to say "sorry" or "we're here for you." I didn't need that. Somehow, I found myself wanting to tell Bella what this day really meant for me, but I didn't want to darken her day more than it already was.

I could take this day on by myself.

As usual.

"Beautiful," was the first word that left my mouth as Bella came down the stairs of my house. She blushed that pretty pink I knew so well and took my offered hand. Knowing her, she would probably trip on the yellow graduation gown they forced us to wear.

"You look pretty yourself," she teased. She was trying. I knew she was and for that I was thankful.

Esme took pictures of all of us at the house first and Carlisle had to take the damn camera away so we could make the ceremony on time. Bella's mom was there as well as Jacob. He was sitting right next to her and I even smiled and shook his hand.

I still hated the guy.

Why? Because I can. And he gets on my fucking nerves. Get over it.

Due to our last name, we were all through by the time Bella got her diploma. When her name was called out, Emmett and Jacob embarrassed her and the entire school but yelling and cheering like fucking morons. I laughed with everybody else. Bella suddenly became the coolest chick in school. It had to be on the last fucking day of course.

"Dude we should get wasted," Emmett said to Jacob. It surprised me how quickly they had become friends. It figured. They were both huge and stupid. Very stupid.

"Totally. My buddy Paul can hook us up," Jacob added. I gagged at their vocabulary. Not that mine was any better, but I would like to think the word "fuck" is more sophisticated than the words "hook up." That didn't even mean anything.

I zoned out when Jacob and Em started talking about beer bongs and shit I didn't care for anymore and caught Bella under a tree…talking.

Talking to her.

Rosalie Hale, that's fucking who. I was about to go save my girl when Rosalie's teary eyes made me stop. She suddenly crumbled and I could tell Bella didn't know what to do. She either comforted her or told her to fuck off. My guess was she had told Rosalie to go kiss someone else's ass, as she walked off leaving Bella by herself.

The graduation had managed to distract me just a little, but as the afternoon winded down family time, talks about parties and fun time made me melancholy. I knew I had a broody face all day long. My face muscles hurt where I forced them so much, but I couldn't hide anymore.

"What's wrong?" Bella asked as we walked to our meadow. This had been her chosen place. I had offered her to go anywhere she wanted on graduation night, and this is where she wanted to go.

My girl was awesome.

"Nothing, babe. I'm just tired. This graduation bullshit is tiring," I sighed, wrapping an arm around her small shoulders.

"But you've been like this all day. Is it because of me? I'm sorry I've been such a drag lately…" I didn't let her finish and pressed my lips to hers.

"It's not you," I breathed against her lips. Her lips were always such a pleasant surprise. They made everything so much better. "This day isn't good for me, but I'll make it. I'll make it because I have you." She smiled and this time she kissed me.

The night wasn't eventful. I had a few drinks with Emmett and Jasper at my house. They were already shit faced and ready to cry out their feelings as this was their after party. Alice, Bella and Angela did whatever girls do when they get into a group. And me…

I just sat on a couch trying not to break.

"Well, we've had an amazing time!" Emmett announced a little too loudly, making the girls giggle.

I helped Alice and Bella clean up and afterwards Bella ended up in my arms on my bed.

"What did Rosalie say to you?" I asked and Bella gently shook her head.

"Nothing," she lied.

"She was crying her eyes out. Don't tell me nothing."

"She just told me some stuff."

"Stuff? What kind of stuff?"

"Geez, Edward!" She sighed. "It wasn't anything against me. That's all I can say." I didn't want to press her, so I just shut the hell up.

We didn't say anything else for a while. Worried that I had fucked things up, I began to kiss her neck and shoulders. I knew I was succeeding with her soft moans.

"Quit, you cheater!" She sighed, but I ignored her offensive comment and attacked her throat with my mouth and tongue. "Ed-Edward…your…your parents are right downstairs."

"Who cares?" We hadn't made out properly in ages. I needed some.

I managed to move her so that I could be between her legs and she didn't fight me. While our tongues danced and my hands groped, I started to involuntarily grind myself into her. God I was so fucking hard and I knew she could feel it. I hadn't had sex in months.

My hands wandered into her pajama shirt. I moaned into her mouth when I realized she wasn't wearing a bra.

"You're not wearing a bra?" I gasped and she blushed.

"They're uncomfortable to sleep in," she said breathlessly.

"Don't worry, love. You should do it more often." She giggled, before I kissed her again. My hands made into her pajama pants while my mouth found its favorite place, right under her jaw. Before I knew it, my right hand made it to her warm pussy. She gasped and quickly removed my hand.

"Sorry," was all I could manage to say while trying to find some air. I was such a moron.

"No!" She said quickly and took a deep breath. "I mean, I'm sorry. I know we haven't done…done…done…_it_. And that's totally my fault."

"Love, I don't care. Really…it's just I can't control myself sometimes."

"Don't you wanna do it with me?" She asked. I chuckled at the look of hurt on her face.

"Of course… I mean I do. But only when you're ready. It's still a big fucking deal.. I don't want it to be just some night of making out and bullshit. I want it to be real."

"It is real. We can't fake this, Edward."

"You're a genius, babe. But what I meant was I want it to be when you want it."

"Okay," she simply said and I couldn't help but smile at her sweet blush.

I begged my cock to calm the fuck down so Bella could sleep in my arms. I knew she could still feel it, but she didn't say anything.

I drifted off to sleep, inhaling her scent not realizing what was waiting for me in my dreams.

"_Eddie," she whispered. I was in my room trying to sleep. I could feel her walking into my room and sitting on my bed. "Eddie, baby. I love you." I could smell the liquor on her. I didn't move and pretended to sleep. "Eddie, promise me when you grow up, you'll be a good man. Promise me Eddie boy."_

_I didn't promise._

"_Sorry Papa wasn't so good. Sorry he hit you. Sorry he had to be taken away. But one day, when you're a man and not a boy, you'll get to be better. You'll be better. I love you, Eddie." That was the last thing I heard her say. Somehow I didn't believe her then. I was only a kid, yet I didn't believe her. It was probably the truth, but her fucked up brain made it sound so fake._

_The next image was blood. Blood and fucking water. My own screams. My feet were bloody and my mouth was dry._

"Edward wake up," I heard Bella say. I snapped my eyes open to find the morning's light coming through the window and a worried Bella holding my face. She wiped the tears I didn't notice I cried and kissed my cheek. "Baby, what's wrong?"

"I…she…my…" I hiccupped. She helped me sit up and shamefully, I buried my face into my hands.

"Edward, tell me who Liz is." I took a deep breath and looked finally looked at her in the eyes.

"My mother. My real mother."

"Why were you saying her name? Was she in your dreams?" I just nodded and rubbed my face. "Just tell me baby. Tell me," she begged and I had to let it out. I had held it in for so many years.

"Yesterday was the anniversary of her death." Bella gasped and wrapped her arms around me.

"I'm sorry, Edward. I didn't know."

"It's okay, love. How were you supposed to know? Besides, it's not like I want to remember."

"Well, of course not. It's when your mother passed away." I nodded and leaned my head against the bed's headboard.

"It's not the fact that she died that gets me. It's the fact that I have the audacity to feel like she left me and I hate her for it."

She didn't understand so I continued it.

"When I was eight, my mom took me to live in these shitty apartments in the outskirts of Seattle, because she didn't have any money and my dad had left us. I remember always being hungry and dirty. I didn't realize it then, but I realize it now. She was a bad mother." I sighed and took her hands in mine. "You and I have a lot in common you know. It's why I wanted to save you. Not only did I love you, but I saw myself again in you. My dad was a crack addict. He used to beat the shit out of me and my mother when he couldn't find anything to get high off. I was so goddamn happy when he left us, but that didn't mean my mom would change. She was addicted to crack, heroin, weed, you name it. She just wasn't happy.

I didn't make her happy.

I don't even know if she loved me. I think she was too high to notice or care. We went through some time where she couldn't find any of her 'medicine' and she cried at night saying it hurt without it."

I cleared the knot in my throat and wiped away the tears in my eyes. Bella sniffed and squeezed my hands.

"I remember asking her friend Romeo if he could just give her the medicine and I would find a way to pay him later, but he laughed and told me to fuck off. The day before she passed away, she told me she couldn't stand it anymore. I didn't believe her. The next night, she went into my room and told me she loved me and that was that. Later that night, I woke up and walked into the bathroom…" I froze and let the sob in my chest escape. I hadn't told anybody my story in years. It felt amazing finally telling someone, but it still fucking hurt.

"I noticed water coming down the hall from the bathroom. I was so dumb. It took me a long time to notice the water was bloody. I walked into the bathroom and found my mother in the bathtub full of bloody red water. Her wrists were slit open and her face pale as a fucking ghost. I ran out of there with no shoes on. I just wanted to find someone to save her. I ran for God knows how long, until I found a man in the street. My feet were torn and bloody and my cheeks were cut from the cold of the night. They didn't let me see her. I kept asking if they had saved her. If she was okay?

It wasn't until Carlisle, who was the doctor in the ER that night, came to me and told me she hadn't made it. I fucking hated him. I hated him for what he had told me. I could tell he felt bad for me. I could also see it in Esme's eyes.

She was the nurse. I hated them both for making me feel sad. I wanted to blame them and I didn't want them to comfort me. It wasn't going to bring my fucked up mother back. I loved her Bella. She was my mom, fucked up or not, but the saddest part is that she didn't love me enough to stick around. She fucking killed herself and didn't stop to think about me. Didn't she know that I needed her?" Bella held me while I cried like a fucking pussy.

I had tried to control it.

I had tried to hide it.

I had tried to get over it, but every year was just another reminder that I existed and she didn't.

"Why didn't she want to stick around for me, Bella? I could have made her happy."

"Because she was sick, baby. It wasn't you. She was too sick and there was nothing you could have done." She kissed my forehead as she rocked me in her arms. I held onto her for dear life, fearing she would let go.

"It took ten years for you to show up and save me, love. Don't ever leave. I need you. I need you so much."

"And I need you too Edward and I love you so much. You saved me too. Sorry I failed to realize it sooner."

We stayed in each other's arms all morning. When we finally made it down stairs, Esme was preparing lunch and looked at us both in worry. She had probably heard, but knowing how I could react, she didn't say anything and continued cooking.

I gave Bella a sad smile and walked over to my mother.

My only mother.

The only one that deserved that title…

"Mom?"

"Yes," she said turning to face me. She looked at me confused probably not expecting something nice.

"I love you," was all I said and wrapped my arms around her.

"I love you too, Edward," she cried into my shoulder.

"I've let her go. She's no longer a ghost in my heart. Now it's free to love you like you've deserved all these years. I'm sorry for what I've done and said. I was just so stupid and angry at the wrong people. Thank you for taking me home that night. Thank you for always taking me home."

"Edward, my son." I looked at Bella. She gave me a watery smile and blew me a kiss.

I knew we would be okay.

We would make it.

**I know I haven't updated like I used to and I don't want to say it's because I don't feel as passionate with ATTY as I once did, because that's a complete lie. This story is close to my heart like I know it is to some of you who have even said hurtful things to me because I haven't updated. It's cool beans, but just know I never did it intentionally. It was just so hard for me to bring this story to an end, because my life, which this story is very loosely based on, hasn't had closure. So giving Bella that closure was hard for my head and heart to process. She deserves it and I swear I will give it to her, because you guys know how much we've cried with her.**

**It just takes time. And yes, I posted a new story, which I hope you guys check out. Some of you may ask "why new story StewLuv if you haven't finished ATTY?" Well because I actually wrote that story first and finally decided to post it for fun, because my brain wouldn't produce chapters for ATTY and my feelings were hurt (I'm a baby I know) and I wanted to see what you guys thought of my grown up story in the meantime lol. Some of you decided to boycott it since I hadn't updated ATTY, which is also cool. Whatevs. But please check it out if u are interested, if not, thats cool too. **

**You can leave me some love now...if you want. I love all of you. Even you...and you...and even you...**

**One more chapter coming. Hopefully I'll finish with it this weekend. Lets cross fingers!**

**P.S Thanks to everyone who left me some major support last chapter. You guys rock and are true motivation. My heart was broken, but in true Eddie fashion, you guys fixed it. **

**Another P.S Thank you so much Vero for translating ATTY into Spanish and making it available in the Latin American world. Its so cool that someone in Chile, Mexico and other places actually read MY story. I'm honored. Its funny how they all wanna learn English just to know what happens next! **


	31. And Then You

**Here we are! The end…**

**Thank you everyone for your kind and supportive words. **

**Like all stories, ATTY has come to its end.**

**Let me know what you think :) **

_Ch31/Bella/Edward/And Then You_

"This way Ms. Swan," the guard said as he pointed toward a couple of doors. "There will be others in there with their families and guards at all times. You don't have to worry."

Worried? Me?

Okay, maybe I was just a little. That is why Edward gave up a Saturday morning and was waiting for me in the lobby area of the prison.

I held on tighter to the box I had brought _him_ and followed the tall guard into the visiting area of the Seattle prison where the man that gave life to me and tortured me for years resided.

There were already a few people, family I assumed, sitting at the different metal tables and on the ugly plastic chairs.

"Just a pick a seat," the guard said, so I sat on the first chair I saw. "They'll bring him out any moment now. You only have 30 minutes and after, I'll come to get you or you can just walk to the doors and the guards will let you leave."

I nodded and said nothing. I couldn't get my thoughts to process. My mouth was dry, my heart hammered against my chest and my nerves were on high.

Edward had said this was a crazy idea but I had insisted. Why? At this current time I was questioning my own sanity and the reasons that had motivated me, but I had to put a final end to this part of my life. I had let it rule me for so long and now it was time to give it a proper ending.

In a few days, I was going to move to California with Edward and we were going to be okay. I promised him. Somehow, I couldn't see myself leaving Washington without saying goodbye, finally, to the man I feared all my life. It was as if life without fear scared me. Stupid, I know.

But only my heart understood my reasons and that was good enough.

I waited a few minutes as the visiting area began to fill with inmates. I couldn't stop shaking. My right hand nervously tapped against the box I held onto.

I took a deep breath.

Finally and lastly, he walked in.

He looked older, much older now. He also looked calm and settled. The orange jumpsuit didn't suit his pale skin, but that didn't matter.

I didn't even realize when he sat down in front of me as I mentally punished myself for still fearing him so much.

"Hello," I said simply and he smirked. His eyes looked tired and calm.

I knew the reason for this. I had spoken to Dr. Leslie, the inmates' shrink. Father suffered from childhood traumas and mental conditions that made him violent and on the verge of suicide at times which resulted in them giving him drugs to calm him down.

He called himself Mr. Charles Swan. Dr. Leslie said that it took him weeks to finally realize he was confusing himself with his own father. The grandfather I never knew. The man that made my father the way he is. Father had been a victim of child abuse himself and it caused him traumatic stress that, as Dr. Leslie said, ruined him for good.

There was a lot about my father I didn't know. It was a strange reality that I was now saying goodbye.

"How are you feeling?" I asked as if I truly cared.

He smirked again and rubbed his stubble cheeks. He didn't answer.

"I came to say goodbye," I simply said and he didn't flinch or say anything. "This will probably be the last time you'll ever see me. This is probably the last time I'll ever see you. And though you and I don't like it, I am your daughter and you are my father. And though you've hurt me all my life, I wanted a proper goodbye and to give you a goodbye gift."

He arched his eyebrows in confusion as I placed the box on the table.

"One day, when I was nine, you were hitting me, but I managed to run away and hid in the basement. I could hear you cursing and shouting as you looked for me. I stayed in that basement for hours scared as hell," I confessed and his facial expression didn't change. He stayed still as he studied my face. "Anyway, I found this box down there while I waited for you to leave for work. What I found in it helped me survive and stay sane for all these years."

I opened the box for him, pulled out the old sketch book and handed it to him. His eyes began to water as he opened the dusty old thing. I had never seen him weak or cry.

"I am not like you. I am not you. I may look like you, but you and I are so different. Isn't it funny that I inherited your talent? But you tortured me for so long, that the irony of you giving me my own hell and freedom at the same time hurts like hell."

With his fingertips, Father caressed the beautiful art on the old pages that were drawn by a 14 year old Charles Swan, a boy so tortured that drew away his pain. The book was full of his drawings and full of his story and mind. That mind he lost and sadly would never recover.

"I am not like you. You lost, but I won. Now I give you this. Perhaps, you can find what you lost," I said and stood up. He didn't look at me as I said goodbye and just stared at his drawings.

As I walked away, I heard him say "You did win," but I ignored him and left never to return.

"I can't believe you've never shown me this place!" I said as Edward took me to his secret tree house.

"I had totally forgotten about it and besides, it was full of dust and porn." He laughed and I slapped the hand that held mine.

"Did you at least cleanup said porn?"

"Why would I do that, baby? It's why I'm taking you there." He laughed again.

"Eww, Cullen. Is it at least tasteful nudity?"

"Bella, since when has any kind of porn been elegant? Now shut up and climb up."

The "magic" tree house was cool. He had an old radio at one corner and a small bookcase at another. A small pull out couch lay in the center.

"You can sit on the couch if you like," he said waggling his eyebrows at me.

I giggled as he tried to look at me seductively as he sat down next me

"Did you bring me to this tree house to seduce me, Cullen?"

"Of course not!" He said acting appalled.

"I wouldn't mind you know."

"Don't tease me."

"I'm not."

He didn't say anything when he realized I wasn't joking.

"Bella, I was kidding. I just brought you here to get away from my annoying family and…"

"Edward, in a few days we will be living together and we haven't even done it. What if you don't like it with me? What if I'm not good enough in bed?"

"What the hell has brought on this worry?" He asked, looking seriously irritated.

"I know how we get sometimes and I can_ feel_ it too. I can also see how disappointed you look when I tell you I'm not ready."

"That's because I'm a horny bastard, but it doesn't mean I don't understand you or don't love you. Because I love you, I am willing to wait. I just get a little… I mean I get excited that's all. I don't hold it against you. Bella, you're everything to me…" I silenced him with my lips.

I kissed him with all my might until he pulled back searching for air.

"You're everything to me too and that's why I want to give myself to you."

He stayed silent and fiddled with the hem of his jacket.

"Not in a fucking tree house, Bella," he finally said and I giggled.

"Fine, not in your porn infested tree house."

"What? Have you even seen any porn around here?"

"I could start looking."

"That won't be necessary," he said trying to hide the blush from his cheeks.

We made it back to his house holding hands and nervous about what was to happen to next.

EPOV

My girl wanted to have sex.

I mean it wasn't that I didn't want to.

Fuck, I really fucking wanted to.

But I still felt like an asshole, every time our routine hot make out sessions got her hot and bothered. Even though she would tell me no I would have pulled away and stopped anyway. I always felt like I was taking advantage of her.

But now, she wanted to have sex…for real.

I was already hard as she led me to my room. I mean nowadays, anything she would do got me hard. Living this close to her was a bad idea for my fucking cock who thought Bella looked good with wet hair after showering, and looked good in pink and looked really good in shorts Alice forced her to wear because she was so goddamn shy and she especially looked good in my clothes while in my bed.

She was oblivious most of the time to my "little" problem. I would make sure to wake up before she did, so I could hide my said problem (the morning version) and take care of it in the bathroom. Then I would feel guilty for imagining her…well imagining her naked, while I whacked off.

It was a never ending cycle from hell!

We waited in my room as everyone went to sleep.

I think we were both nervous. This was a huge fucking step. We watched some _That 70's Show_ on TV and kissed each other's hands as if anticipating what was going to happen.

But I'm an idiot and accidently dozed off. I woke up maybe 20 minutes later to find the TV off and Bella looking out my window. The moonlight was perfect on her pale skin. I could only see a side of her face. A melancholic emotion shadowed her face and for a moment my heart ached thinking I caused it.

I walked up behind her and wrapped my arms around her waist.

"Sorry I fell asleep," I mumbled into her neck and kissed her there.

"That's okay, baby. I needed some to think anyway," she sighed and tensed up.

"You don't wanna do it anymore?"

She softly chuckled and shook her head. "No, I want to do it. I was just thinking how much I love you and how different my life is now. Maybe four months ago, I was looking at this same moon and my life was such hell its beauty didn't faze me. And now, I look at it, this same moon, and I think about how wonderful my life is because of you." She turned around in my arms to face me. "Things were so bad and then you happened. I don't ever want to lose you," she whispered.

"You won't," was the last thing I said before our lips met.

My tongue traced her lips before she moaned them open. Our tongues met and danced while I guided her to my bed.

I could live in her wet mouth.

I groaned as we fell together. I kissed my way down to her neck as she ran her hands up and down my bare chest. I quickly sat up and pulled the T-shirt she wore from her, leaving her in a bra and panties. I could see the blush quickly cover her body.

I smiled against her lips and gave her a sweet, chaste kiss before looking into her eyes.

"Don't get embarrassed love. You're beautiful. Every bit of you is beautiful and I love you."

She smiled at my words and pulled me down to her lips once again where our tongues met. My hands ran up and down her sides. I kissed every remaining bruise left on her body. Most of them were gone now, but some would take more time to disappear.

I knew that and I would be by her side as it happened.

My lips slowly traveled down her chest. I brought my right hand to her right breast and gently tugged the bra's cup down exposing her pink nipple. She gasped when I took it into my mouth and her hands were suddenly shoved into my hair. She began to move, trying to create friction where she needed it.

"You like that, baby?" I asked as I moved to her left breast to do the same.

"Yes…" she gasped.

I gently unclasped the bra, pulled it away and left it for lost on the floor.

"I'm going to love every inch of your body," I whispered against her soft belly. She shivered and began to breathe rapidly as my mouth descended down her body. I kissed her belly button and waistline as I gently pulled her wet panties off.

She moaned as I kissed her inner thigh and caressed her lips with my fingers.

"Edward!" She gasped as I licked her slit. "Edward…" I don't think she knew what she was saying. I smiled, before I brought my mouth and tongue deeper into her. Her hands shoved in my hair as I licked her into her climax.

"That felt too good," she gasped for air. I chuckled and hovered over her.

"I'm going to kiss you know," I whispered and she nodded. She moaned into my mouth.

I never thought my Bella would be the kinky type.

Fuck I loved it.

"I love you, baby," I whispered and she smiled.

"Show me."

I nodded, shoved my boxers off my legs, grabbed a condom from my nightstand and wrapped my cock in that damn thing faster than I ever had. In the 20 seconds it took me, I didn't realize Bella was staring at me with her bottom lip in between her lips and eyes full of lust.

This was a different side of Bella. I figured she was just a normal horny teenage girl, but the look in her eyes, said so much more.

I gently positioned myself at her entrance and held myself up with my forearms. Her breath sped up and I figured she was starting to panic as she felt my tip at her entrance.

"Relax, baby. Take one deep breath and relax. This is gonna hurt a little either way, but it'll go away. I'll make it go away. I'll make the hurt go away."

"I trust you," she whispered.

"Thank you, baby. Open your legs a little wider." I kissed her lips and held on to our kiss as I slowly entered her. She pulled away as I had made it half way in and buried her head into the pillow. "Just a little more," I gasped and pushed all the way.

I little whimper left her swollen parted lips and tear escaped her shut eyes.

"It'll go away," I repeated hoping my words were true. I kissed her neck, jaw, cheeks, chin and lips trying to comfort her while my cock begged for me to move. The fucker could wait.

"Edward, move. Don't stop," she whispered into my ear.

"I don't want to hurt you," I whispered back.

"You could never. Just stay with me forever. That's all I want and I'll never hurt."

A weird sob escaped my chest and I pulled up to look at her in the eyes. I gently pulled out a little and as gently as I could, moved into her.

I began to slowly thrust into her and it went on for a few minutes until Bella began to moan and move with me. I realized she was enjoying it now, but I still didn't want to hurt her so I moderately sped my movements a little more.

I wanted to bite down her shoulder when I felt how her pussy tightened around my cock as I slid in and out. The need to pound into her was deadly.

"Go faster," she gasped as her hands dug into my shoulders.

"I…I…ugh…okay," I managed to mutter and sped up my movements.

She gasped for air and I could hear how she tried to lower her moans, but it wasn't working. I covered her mouth with mine taking in her moans and cries.

"Baby, uh…shit...you feel so good. Ah shit! I'm almost there. Tell me you're close too."

"I don't know," she cried.

Of course she wouldn't know. I was a fucking genius.

I moved my hand to where we were connected and touched her in a way that Bella let go of my lips once again to bury the back of her head into my pillow, holding her breath and my arms for dear life.

And then she was having an orgasm.

I didn't think it would be possible since it was her first time, but I underestimated myself.

Yes, I was a smug bastard even in this moment.

I came after her, riding out my orgasm in her body.

I laid in her arms while I tried to catch my breath and listened to her heart hammer against my ear.

She thought she would be a lousy lay?

I chuckled.

"Edward, I don't think…this..is the right time to laugh," she gasped for air.

"Sorry, love. I was just remembering how silly you are thinking I wouldn't like being with you."

"Yeah, I was very silly." She chuckled. She stayed quiet for a little while and began to run her fingers through my sweaty hair. "I love the way you loved my body," she whispered a little embarrassed.

"I enjoyed it, love. It deserves to be loved. That's what cheese balls call making love."

"I like cheese," she joked and I chuckled against her chest.

The morning arrived with Bella in my arms, sound asleep. I had forgotten to turn on my fan and we were both a sweaty mess, but I was too tired to care and felt too good to move. She wiggled and turned to face me. She kissed my chest and snuggled into it.

"I love you, Edward," she whispered.

"I love you forever."

I let my head fall back into the pillow and fell asleep again.

A little later, I woke up to an empty bed. I quickly looked around and called out for her.

"Bella!" I was acting like a pussy, but her absence always made me uneasy.

"Yes?" She answered as she exited my bathroom in one of my T-shirts. My morning wood smiled and winked at her.

"Baby, could you leave the room for a second?" I asked and she looked at me confused.

"Why? I already saw you naked, Edward." She giggled and sat at the edge of my bed.

"It's just that it's painful to see you in that and I know your sore and it would be an asshole move to try it again."

"Ohhhhhh." She giggled again and stood up. "I'll be in the kitchen. You _are_ a horny bastard," she said and winked at me.

"You wouldn't believe me!"

I sighed as she left and I couldn't help but smile as I remembered how much better things were now that I had her. If God would let me keep her forever, I promised him I would be the best man I could be.

And all the bullshit I ever lived through didn't matter. It was always going to be her I lived for.

I swore it.

BPOV

My body ached.

In a good way.

I had my body ache before from beatings and hate; the ache from love was the sweetest kind of pain.

I would drink from its fountain and ache forever and give my heart to it and honor its name.

I smiled as I reached the top of the stairs. I couldn't wait for Edward to be at my side once again.

I could smell the fast-food as I walked down stairs. This was all Edward's fault. Now I loved the stuff. Esme smiled at me and handed me a bag from McDonalds.

"I was feeling a little lazy and brought us lunch instead of actually making it," she said and I smiled at her sweet gesture.

"It's okay, I love McDonalds."

"Aww, that reminds me of when Edward bought you that Happy Meal," Alice said coming into the kitchen.

"You were there?"

"Yeah, I was giving him a ride back into town when he forced me to drive into that awful establishment they call a restaurant," she said while she took a bag from Esme and I rolled my eyes at her contradiction.

Emmett walked in and winked at me with a large smirk on his face. It took me a few seconds to remember that Emmett's bedroom was not too far from Edward's. I could feel the blush deep into my skin and bone.

"Where's Eddie boy? I bet he's spent as hell," he teased and Esme and Alice looked at him confused while I just avoided him all together.

Why of all people did he have to know about my sex life?

Now that I had one, anyway.

He sat down next to Alice and Esme while I sat on the other side of the table, waiting for Edward.

Dr. Carlisle walked in with two large pizzas.

"Aw you beat me to it!" He said as he placed the boxes on the table.

"More food!" Emmett cheered and the girls giggled at him.

Edward joined in a few moments later and we chatted and ate. Emmett kept giving Edward funny looks and Edward, like I, knew he knew…

It bugged the hell out of him.

Emmett thought it was funny.

Suddenly his phone rang and Emmett flew out the kitchen to answer it. I knew who it was as he gave me a small smile as he left.

"_Isabella, can I talk to you?" Rosalie asked._

_We had just received our diplomas and, while Edward hung out with Jacob and Emmett, I was with Alice and Angela, who both gave Rosalie death glares. I could see the pain and seriousness in her eyes, so I decided to give her a chance and walked with her to a more private place._

"_This better be good," I said as I turned to face her. Her sudden tears caught me off guard._

"_It is good Isabella." She sniffed and wiped her face. "I came to apologize. You don't know how hard this is for me. But I lost the only person I loved because of this bullshit. So I want to make it better."_

"_No."_

"_What? Why?"_

"_It's not an honest apology. You're just here because Emmett broke up with you."_

"_What does it matter if it's honest or not? Edward didn't fuck you and dump you. The damn fool fell for you. So no harm, no foul."_

"_You don't understand, Rosalie. It was never about me. Emmett didn't break up with you because of me. He broke up with you because of you. You're not a good person."_

"_You don't know me. You don't know the shit I've been through."_

"_I could say the same for you. You don't know me and you tried to hurt me."_

"_Look, I know what I planned was fucked up…"_

"_Then why did you do it?" _

_She looked at her feet and took a deep breath._

"_Because I always blamed you for my shit."_

"_Why?" I asked confused._

"_Because, nothing bad ever happened to you and you weren't even popular and pretty. And me, the worst thing happened to me and not you!"_

"_Again, you don't know me."_

"_So your daddy hit you, Bella. Fucking poor baby. I was raped," she whispered the last part._

"_What?" I could hear my voice crack._

"_I was raped by a group of college assholes at a party. Not just one, but a group. I don't even remember how many." I could tell it hurt her to talk about it. "I always picked on you because it was fun and it was a way to punish someone else instead of me. I hated myself and I hated you, because you were so damn weak. You were a reflection of me. Call me a bitch, I know I was. I know I am. But after that happened in middle school, every time I looked at you, I got angry. I would ask myself why it happened to me and not to you. You were so lucky and you never realized it. I think about it every day and I guess I was trying to hurt you the same way through Edward, because I was bitter and for that I'm truly sorry. I see now that it isn't your fault. It happened and hurting you could never change that. _

_I tried hurting you and I ended up hurting myself even more as I lost the only boy that ever looked at me and loved me not caring that I was scarred for life. Please, help me. I need him to love me again." _

_I felt bad for her. I didn't know what else to do. I didn't think I could help her._

"_You have to learn to love yourself first, Rosalie," I said and she sobbed and nodded. "What happened to you is painful to swallow, but it wasn't your fault either. Quit feeling tainted. You're not. And you're right. I was weak, but you're stronger. So if I can move on, so can you. You can also be a good person for that boy you say you love. Be that and he'll come back." _

A week ago, Rosalie and Emmett bumped into each other at the store. Sparks flew once again and Rosalie acted like a good person now. I still didn't like her but I didn't hate her. Just as long as she kept Emmett happy and stayed away from me, I would be happy too.

Edward took my hand under the table and I smiled at him as it had brought me out of my day dream.

"How's your mom?" Esme asked.

"She's okay. Last time I spoke to her, she was busy running off with Phil to some book thing. I only got to talk to her for a few minutes. She's seems happy now."

"As do you," she said with a smile.

"Sorry guys, I had to take that call," Emmett excused himself and smirked when Edward flipped him off.

"I was thinking, Esme. We could take our family on a small vacation before two of them leave Washington," Carlisle said and I could feel the warmth in my chest from his words.

I was his family.

"That sounds like a great idea," Esme agreed.

Everyone spent the rest of the lunch time discussing where to go while Edward and I just held hands and smiled at each other. It was as if we shared some secret and I could feel it in my skin and in my heart. I grinned for no reason.

So this is how happiness feels like?

I love it.

I didn't have a family before but now there was Edward and his family.

I was no longer alone.

**So? It's over.**

**It's weird saying that. I loved this story and I loved everyone that loved it back. Those that reviewed since chapter one, I remember and know your names by heart. Thank you for your support since day one.**

**To my new readers, thank you for giving this story a chance. **

**Like I said, this story is close to my heart. No, I didn't live with an abusive father, but words hurt too. I just transferred that hurt into Bella who now is pretty happy.**

**To edwardrocksmysocks, thank you for stepping up and cleaning up my mess and being a great friend, not just a beta.**

**To Eliza for cleaning up chapters 1-11. You're my hero.**

**To Veerosmee Cullen for translating this into Spanish and making it such a cool blog. I feel honored. **

**To everyone else that favorite, reviewed and saved me to alerts, thank you so much. You were the motivation to keep this story going. **

**And to every girl or boy out there that has lived a life like Bella's life. You guys deserve the wolrd.**

**Finally, this is the end. Will there be an epi? Not at this present time, but I might change my mind one day.**

**Follow me on twitter at stewluv4eva**

**And check out my new story, **_**Before the Second Show**_

**Adios amigas**

**P.S I'm gonna miss Eddiekins….**


	32. Epilogue2 Minutes

**So many of you asked for it and I've missed these two. So here it is, a glimpse into Edward and Bella's future. **

* * *

Epilogue-2 Minutes

My hands tremble and shake the letter. My eyes are watery and blurry. My chest aches and my heart races and not in the way Edward makes it race, but in the way I haven't felt it do in years.

I hear the car arrive in the driveway and quickly fold and shove the letter into the pocket of my jeans. I wash my face with water from the kitchen faucet and take several deep breaths like Dr. Jordan advised me so many years ago to try and to calm myself down.

"We're home!" Edward shouts. I hear our daughter's giggles and that quickly makes me calm down. Edward, now a man of 30 years of age, walks into our kitchen with our four year old daughter, Jackie, clinging to his shirt as he playfully carries her like a football.

Her brown curls bounce with every step he takes and another tiny giggle escapes her mouth.

"Hey, love," he says and walks over to me, giving me a chaste kiss on the lips. He takes one look at my face and quickly places Jackie on the ground. "Hey, Jackie Boo, why don't you go get your pajamas ready and we'll meet ya' in a few minutes?"

"Yes, Daddy," she says in her small voice and runs off to her room.

Edward sighs and without asking takes me into his arms. He always knows when something is wrong. He doesn't even have to ask. He knows me so well. I wonder why he doesn't get tired of me.

It's not like I've been depressed and a mess with him during all these years. No. I've been completely lost in blissful happiness.

But once in a blue moon, I would get these letters or phone calls.

I ignored the phone calls and read the letters with fear. As if his words could do the same damage as his hands once did. They would ruin my whole day and Edward was always there to comfort me.

What did he want?

It was never clear what he wanted. He never said anything concrete in the five phone calls he had made in the past 12 years and his letters didn't make any sense.

He was a sick man after all.

"What's wrong, baby?" He kisses my forehead and breathes me in.

"Nothing. I'm just tired."

"Long day?"

"Yep."

"Liar."

"Smartass."

"I love you."

"I love you too."

"You're not getting out of this," he mutters and I have to chuckle.

"How is Esme?" I ask, trying to change the subject.

"Oh, she's great." It works, but only for a little while. "She wouldn't let Jackie come back home. I think she wants to keep her. We might need to keep her away if we don't wanna lose our kiddo," he says, smiling.

"Can't blame her, our kid is a cute one. She gets it from me."

"What? I'm the adorable one."

"I agree," I say against his lips, sliding my hands to his ass.

He chuckles and buries his face into my neck, biting me.

"Ugh, I hate it when you do that."

"It turns you on, that's why." I roll my eyes. "But don't think you're not telling me what's wrong with you."

"Ugh."

"But before that, let's put a very tired and adorable daughter of ours to bed."

Edward is the best father in the world. He spoils and loves our daughter so much it makes me so happy.

He says the same about my mothering skills.

Jackie is a happy kid. She has never known misery or fear. She smiles at everyone and at everything. She has no knowledge of the world's cruelty. Her parents make sure to keep her this way.

Because that was our life when we were young.

We wouldn't bear it if she ever knew it.

We didn't have fathers that protected us or mothers that cared. We both lived in fear and sadness. I think that's what made us both such great parents.

We both had made it a goal when we found out that I was pregnant.

We wouldn't be like _them_.

Of course Edward has his adoptive family that helps and loves us both. They have helped to protect Jacqueline from harm.

Of course I know the world isn't perfect. She'll grow up and will have to face it. She'll have to face the world's imperfection. But unlike me, she'll have a mother and a father to help her through and to love her.

"Daddy, can we go to McDonalds tomorrow and can I get Happy Meal with a toy?" Jackie asks as we each kneel at her bedside.

Edward looks at me and smirks at me and then looks at his daughter. "Of course, Jackie Boo," he promises and kisses her nose.

"Mommy, you cans have one, too."

I smile and feel the love for my daughter in my chest. I hold back the tears and kiss her softly on her warm cheek.

Edward and I wait until she falls asleep and head to our room.

I finish brushing my teeth and head to bed, where he is already waiting for me. He wiggles his eyebrows suggestively and I slap his belly.

"You have no control," I tease him as he chuckles. I lay my head on his chest and run my hand up and down his chest.

"You know what that does to me."

"Yes, like everything else."

He laughs.

"Don't think you're getting out of the pending conversation, Swan."

"Former Swan."

"Cullen."

"I like that one better."

"Of course you do," I say and smile into his chest.

"Tell me."

I take a deep breath and snuggle tighter into his body as if he could hold me together.

He does.

"I got another letter today."

"From him?"

"Yes."

"What does he say?"

"It was actually from his cellmate. He's sick."

Edward sighs and hugs me tighter. "And?"

"He's actually dying. He has cancer. He refused treatment and is dying now." He doesn't say anything. I know him. His mind is making conclusions about what this means for me. "He's asking for me. But since I don't answer the phone, his cellmate wrote me a letter asking me to go visit him before he dies."

"How dare he ask for you?"

"I don't know. Maybe since death is around the corner, he wants to say goodbye."

"Do you wanna go?"

"I don't know."

"Well you don't have to, love. He was a monster. He ruined your youth. He doesn't deserve you. You don't owe him anything."

"I know I don't, Edward. But I'm also not like him. I would like to believe that I'm a good person."

"You're the fucking best."

"Then I can go see him and say goodbye."

He sighs heavily and kisses my forehead. "I'll drive you."

~ATTY~

It smells the same as it did years ago. It's still so cold.

The guard leads me to front desk where I'm checked for weapons or anything else illegal. I'm given a visitor's badge and explained what the rules are for visiting someone in the medical area.

I don't listen.

I just nod and try to control my breathing.

I'm nervous.

The same guard leads me past the visitors area and into the medical station and then to him.

He's so thin. He's so small now. His hair is gray and his beard thick. He's old.

He's asleep. He looks so sick and weak.

The guard says I have twenty minutes and leaves. I don't think I'll need so much time.

I slowly move to the bed that holds the man that I feared for so long. I want to laugh bitterly as he now looks like he couldn't hurt me even if he tried.

I'm more powerful than him.

I always was.

He slowly opens his eyes and it takes him a couple of minutes to process my face in his mind.

He smiles.

So unlike him.

He waves his hand for me to get closer to him.

I do.

"Isabella," his weak voice slowly pronounces my name.

I don't say anything back, I just nod.

"Isabella, your mother is making soup again. Can you tell her that I hate soup?"

I can't fight anymore. Tears overflow my eyes and land on his bed sheets.

"I will." I play along.

"How was school?"

"Okay, I guess."

"You need to make friends, Isabella. It ain't normal to be so lonely."

"I will."

I sit at the edge of the bed. He reaches for my hand and I flinch, but he doesn't notice and takes my hand is his rougher one.

I don't know what he is thinking or what he wants, but I just go with it.

"Do you need lunch money?"

"No."

"Are you getting good grades?"

"Yes."

"That's good, Bells. That's good. I always knew you would be good. You're good. So good," he says and gently pats my hand. "You shouldn't watch so much TV."

"I won't."

That's how I spend the rest of the 20 minutes. I answer all his questions. They are questions he should have asked when I was younger, but I don't say that. I just nod and answer.

I realize what is happening.

I'm having the moment I never had with him.

He's giving me or himself this moment before he dies.

It doesn't matter.

I can't help it and I cry.

He closes his eyes.

The guard reminds me I have two minutes left.

Charles never opens his eyes again.

"Goodbye," I whisper. I hope he can hear me.

Wherever he is at.

I leave.

I wipe my face and eyes and take a deep breath before I reach Edward and Jackie. They are sitting on the back of his pickup. I stop before they notice me.

He is holding the BBQ sauce containers for her so she can dip her chicken nuggets. He kisses her forehead. She continues eating, unfazed by her father's constant acts of affection. She licks her tiny BBQ covered fingers and smiles when she notices me.

I love them so much.

I'll always love them.

Edward realizes that she is staring at me and jumps off the truck with a Happy Meal bag in his hand and walks towards me.

"Hey, love," he says before he wraps me in his arms and kisses me with so much love I can barely keep up with his lips.

I know what he is trying to tell me and I sigh against his lips.

He gives me one final kiss and pulls away to show me the bag of food. He smiles and waves it across my face.

"Hurry and open it."

I giggle and open the bag and pull out the toy first.

"Your two minutes of joy," he says, still remembering what I had said so many years before.

"No," I whisper and I look at our daughter and then at him. "A lifetime of happiness with you both."

"Even better."

* * *

**So there you go. I know it's not long, but once a story has a conclusion; there isn't much to write anymore. You just gotta let the characters be :) **

**Once again, thank you so much for continuing to show this story so much love, I think I've received over 1,000 reviews since the last chapter and I continue to get reviews in my inbox.**

**Please know I still read them and care very much about what you have to say. I'm amazed at how much this little story has affected some of you and people around the world. I get private messages from Latin America, Asia, Europe and other places letting me know how much they relate to this story or how much this story has changed their perspective on teen issues or made them more aware of child abuse.**

**I'm glad.**

**Thank you so much. I love you all.**

**-Michelle**


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